Hemp Halter
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May 3, 2011 at 10:38 pm
Nell 2: Return of Nell. Starring Sarah Silverman.
May 4, 2011 at 9:00 am
Wearing this will have you rocking back and forth moaning “Swayyyy like a tayyyyyyy” in no time!
May 4, 2011 at 11:21 am
I was thinking of ShamWOW2, starring Sarah Silverman
May 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Nell 2: Electric Boogaloo
May 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Nothing says “yummy”, “soft”, and “organic” like hobo Mother Theresa.
May 3, 2011 at 11:23 pm
“Hobo Mother Theresa” made me laugh out loud.
May 4, 2011 at 8:16 pm
I laughed so hard at “hobo Mother Theresa” that I honestly woke up my sleeping son from the other room.
May 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Judging by her facial expression…..it’s the other kind of hemp that’s got her so excited.
May 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Can be worn as a halter, shrug, on lithium/discussing the president with your dog.
May 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm
The only thing inviolable while wearing this: a ‘not guilty by means of insanity’ plea.
May 3, 2011 at 10:43 pm
*reason of insanity. My derp is returning…
May 3, 2011 at 10:43 pm
Hey…have you seen my dirty towel?
May 3, 2011 at 10:48 pm
Dirty towel indeed. And it’s hemp! Hemp is like weed… sort of. Someone ought to photoshop it to look like Towelie from South Park.
May 4, 2011 at 1:18 am
I had to draw it by hand. While I was looking on Google for Towelie I had 7 trojans and some other virusses..Thnx Mofo’s
May 4, 2011 at 2:52 am
Don’t blame us because you suck at the intertoobs.
May 3, 2011 at 10:45 pm
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May 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Throwing clothes at unsuspecting homeless people and taking a picture doesn’t really count as “modeling”. Please tell me someone at least bought this poor woman a coffee.
May 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm
I thought it said invisible at first. As in, I really can’t find a “vest” in this picture, so much as a pile of rags.
May 3, 2011 at 10:48 pm
She looks ready to teach yoga to Ewoks.
May 3, 2011 at 10:49 pm
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May 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm
“If I sell enough of these, my sister wives said I can start wearing the corduroy culottes.”
May 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm
I don’t see anything having been stitched. Here is the definition of stitches, the bottom one being my favorite.
v. stitched, stitch·ing, stitch·es
v.tr.
1.
a. To fasten or join with or as if with stitches.
b. To mend or repair with stitches: stitched up the tear.
2. To decorate or ornament with or as if with stitches: “The sky was stitched with stars” (Mario Puzo).
3. To fasten together with staples or thread.
v.intr.
To make stitches; sew.
Idiom:
in stitches Informal
Laughing uncontrollably.
May 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm
To be fair, when you’re as high as she clearly is, one might easily misinterpret a versatile if featureless piece of cloth as a vest.
May 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm
Flawless use of the word “yummy,” really. Regarding the whole photo. Delicious, even.
May 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm
So are we supposed to be snarky about the item for sale or the woman’s face here, I’m a little confused….
May 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm
Just in case,
Face: I’d have the look of constipation across my face as well after eating an entire deer and skinning it
The brown thing: I’ve ever seen anybody fuck up wearing a poncho.
May 3, 2011 at 10:51 pm
“Don’t Panic! And always bring a towel.”
May 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm
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May 4, 2011 at 12:13 am
Damn you beat me to it! Least I wasn’t the only one who immediately went to Hitch hikers, she looks high enough to believe it was a real life documentary
May 4, 2011 at 5:08 am
You mean it’s not?!
May 3, 2011 at 10:52 pm
Herp-a-derp goes berserk.
May 3, 2011 at 10:53 pm
Looks like Bjork’s back on the fashion scene…
May 3, 2011 at 10:53 pm
For a change, “retarded towelhead” isn’t a racial slur.
May 4, 2011 at 8:12 pm
this is wonderfully offensive.
May 3, 2011 at 10:53 pm
Yummy, Organic, and Hemp? This clearly is a Hippie Virgin Mary!
May 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm
I was thinking Holy Homeless Madonna!
May 4, 2011 at 7:47 am
Bethlehem chic, circa 1 AD!
May 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm
If by “vest” you mean “dirty paper towel”, then yeah, I get what the aesthetic here is.
May 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm
“Overprice babushka!”
My grandmother had better looking rags!
May 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm
Regretsy Math: Francis McDormand + Ewok = This piece of shit.
May 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm
I think a “Compare & Save” is called for here.
May 3, 2011 at 10:57 pm
But what do you use to compare? Paper towels, bath towels, dirty upcycled sweats?
May 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Sham Wow.
May 4, 2011 at 12:30 am
Yes, because any “wow” factor here is clearly a sham.
May 4, 2011 at 7:40 am
Shame Wow
May 4, 2011 at 5:07 am
a pile of oily rags
May 3, 2011 at 10:56 pm
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May 3, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Invisibility Cloak fail.
May 3, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Plus you can use it as a blanket when you’re sleeping in a dumpster. Hobo fashion at its best.
May 4, 2011 at 10:28 am
{Bites virtual tongue to keep “multipurpose” from escaping…}
May 3, 2011 at 10:57 pm
This isn’t so much “modeled” as “I startled a homeless woman in the woods, stole the rag from her head and listed it on Etsy.”
(Also known as “upcycling”).
May 3, 2011 at 10:57 pm
1. Buy ugly, organic cloth.
2. Do nothing to it other than cut into pieces.
3. Sell as clothing.
4. ???
5. PROFIT!
May 3, 2011 at 10:58 pm
I don’t see a vest.
All I see is crazy.
May 3, 2011 at 10:59 pm
For when wearing socks on your head just isn’t enough
May 3, 2011 at 10:59 pm
most vests that I know of have holes for your arms to go through….. but maybe in Russia, the vest wears you?
May 3, 2011 at 11:02 pm
But then you couldn’t use it multipurpose!
May 4, 2011 at 10:29 am
{oops}
May 3, 2011 at 11:01 pm
“If I hide under here, the demons can’t find me”
May 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm
The wet hair look is SO hot this season.
May 3, 2011 at 11:04 pm
If I have to provide my own creativity to wear this garment, I am NOT paying $48. In fact, if you give ME the money, I’ll tell you what this garment IS good for.
May 3, 2011 at 11:05 pm
It looks like someone threw a towel (is that supposed to be a vest?) on top of the model’s head and then took a picture while the model was still shocked and confused.
May 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm
The winner of the new “Extreme Crafting” event at the Special Olympics this year….
May 3, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Quato says, “Quaid, open your miiiiind.”
May 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm
That cat made news for stealing rags and towels from people’s yards at night. Apparently he missed one.
May 3, 2011 at 11:10 pm
All that hemp made her a few years late for the audition to be a Padawan extra.
May 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm
someone missed the laundry bin.
May 3, 2011 at 11:16 pm
“Why would you throw the car wash rag at me?! I TOLD you I was all dressed up for therapy group!”
May 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm
Oh, I love peasant chic! This would be just perfect for a night out gleaning discarded wheat from the fields or even while I’m lying around my thatched-roofed hovel!
May 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm
I think “shrug” is the best choice. Because that’s what I did when I saw this schmatte.
May 4, 2011 at 12:27 am
“Schmatte.” That is the perfect word for it.
May 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm
It’s the sad hipster’s less hip wife. She can’t dance
May 4, 2011 at 12:34 am
And her vest has no sleeves. How mainstream.
May 3, 2011 at 11:22 pm
“Yummy” is not the word I first think of when seeing a homeless new-age hippie, wearing a random rag on her head, on the side of the road – to each her own I suppose. Not sure where the word “halter” or “vest” come in either. Wait…what the fuck is she selling?
May 3, 2011 at 11:23 pm
She clearly doesn’t meet the level requirement for wearing vests yet. Newb.
May 3, 2011 at 11:23 pm
I didn’t know the Unabomber had a sister.
May 3, 2011 at 11:24 pm
When zombies wear hemp on the next Oprah.
May 3, 2011 at 11:24 pm
The new version of Night of the Living Dead used more hemp than the old one. For the actors’ costumes, and during the scriptwriting sessions.
May 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Brains, must have brains.
May 3, 2011 at 11:33 pm
Who needs a paper bag for your head when you have this yummy thing.
May 3, 2011 at 11:34 pm
If only the woman knew that the wearing of Christ’s shroud would lead to becoming an Ewok’s handmaiden..
o.0
May 3, 2011 at 11:36 pm
YOU SAVE $44.01
May 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm
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May 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm
Apparently, I’ve been wearing vests wrong this whole time. I never realized that they’re meant to go on your head.
May 3, 2011 at 11:41 pm
I have similar pictures of my children playing with my fabric remnants too.
May 3, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Looks like She Hulk’s costume is going through another re-vamp.
May 3, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Someone was too busy looking at the blinking light on the camera’s self-timer to try to look sad for the picture.
May 3, 2011 at 11:44 pm
Great gift for the yummy organic serial killer in your life. Or for Mother’s Day.
May 3, 2011 at 11:47 pm
It’s amazing! You can take a vaguely rectangular swatch of fabric, and, if you’re creative enough, you can turn it into almost any article of clothing! You just have to open your mind. And your sewing kit. And your wallet.
Don’t expect me to do all the work. Or any of it, really. It’s all up to you and your imagination!
May 3, 2011 at 11:48 pm
I’m surprised she didn’t call it a snood.
May 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm
And there my lover snood, breathless in the wakening of a new coleslaw
May 3, 2011 at 11:54 pm
Be creative. Because I sure fucking wasn’t! That’ll be 50 dollars.
May 3, 2011 at 11:57 pm
These vests are all the rage in the Thorazine bag-lady community.
May 4, 2011 at 6:16 am
I need to keep a thorazine salt lick handy to help comprehend some people’s definition of crafting and creativity.
Throw misshapen brown towel over dirty stoner wearing ill fitting mismatched clothes and let’s call it a vest!
Be calm and keep on licking.
lick, lick
May 4, 2011 at 12:08 am
The First Baptist Church of Etsy made a mistake when they cast Amy Winehouse as the Virgin Mary for their Easter pageant.
May 4, 2011 at 12:13 am
That girl under the bed in Sixth Sense is all grown up now!
May 4, 2011 at 12:18 am
The Curious Incident of the Herp in the Forest.
May 4, 2011 at 12:23 am
A wild DERP appears!
May 4, 2011 at 12:22 am
Okay, the use of ‘Inviolable’ in the description confused me, so I looked it up online:
Definition of INVIOLABLE
1
: secure from violation or profanation
2
: secure from assault or trespass : unassailable
I’d say, from the looks of it, the poor woman’s already been violated and assaulted. So unless that thing’s got some sort of high level protective spell on it, you’re toast.
On the other hand, they could mean the wearer’s body odor will keep you from getting close enough to her to try and steal this.
May 4, 2011 at 12:22 am
Virgin Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
With magic spells and hemp-smoke smells, and crotched tampons all in a row.
May 4, 2011 at 12:22 am
Since house-elves don’t get paid and aren’t hippies, I doubt she’ll get $48 for a dirty tea-towel.
May 4, 2011 at 12:28 am
Sorry, I just sharted. We’ll have to take that photo again. What? You’re out of film? Oh… I guess it will do, then.
May 4, 2011 at 12:50 am
You can make a hat, or a bowtie, or a pteradactyl!
May 4, 2011 at 12:50 am
As worn in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
May 4, 2011 at 12:52 am
If I would have known I could charge so much for the chunk of old sweatpants I use to check the oil, I would have been keeping those old rags all along.
May 4, 2011 at 1:07 am
sad hipsters produced a child: depressed lady
May 4, 2011 at 1:07 am
YOU CAUGHT ME!
May 4, 2011 at 1:20 am
The Brown-Winged Brainsucker Aliens, having emerged from Bed Bath and the Unfathomable Beyond, began to diversify in their attempts to conquer the Earth by selling themselves on Etsy. Unfortunately for them and fortunately for the fate of humanity, however, their misunderstanding of human currency and language drove off any potential customer-victims that actually had brains, rendering them effectively harmless.
Also, is anyone else reminded of the various “this-cloth-is-eating-you” monsters from Dungeons and Dragons?
May 4, 2011 at 1:36 am
Subtle camel-toe of Wombn mystery not included.
May 4, 2011 at 1:45 am
I get the distinct idea that Mary here is a Virgin for a reason…
May 4, 2011 at 2:53 am
“Be vewy vewy qwiet, Imma huntin’ hippies.”
May 4, 2011 at 2:56 am
I’m trying to decide if she looks like a dementia patient or a stoner. Or both. Either way, bitch gotta fix that vest. 5-year-olds pull their clothes over their head and run around and it’s cute. 25-year-old hipsters doing the same is just sad.
May 4, 2011 at 3:58 am
I put sweater on head.
You like?
You buy?
You pay me now?
May 4, 2011 at 3:58 am
Whether your running off to a PETA rally or just down the block to the Whole Foods for the latest issue of Vegan Times, this versatile vest is the perfect accessory for the Bohemian spirit on the loose!
Handsewn from a set of upcycled Pottery Barn jersey-knit sheets by a small Seattle collective, you can wear this wrap as a vest, a scarf, or you can just drape it over your white-girl dreads as you ramble through the park handing out flyers to your boyfriend’s band’s gig at the co-op to support the people of Tibet.
May 4, 2011 at 4:13 am
There are better uses for hemp. Just sayin’…
May 4, 2011 at 4:21 am
Be creative = toss it on your head and have your neighbor take a surprise picture in an effort to build evidence against you rifling through their garbage.
May 4, 2011 at 4:21 am
From the sewers the morlocks came. Shambling toward an unsuspecting public cries of “Organic Cotton” and “Can be used multipurpose” were heard…
May 4, 2011 at 9:34 am
This is pretty excellent.
May 4, 2011 at 5:04 am
So that’s what a refuge looks like…
May 4, 2011 at 5:08 am
What’s a schmata with you?
May 4, 2011 at 5:23 am
Drunken Mary Magdalene Cosplay at JesusCon ’11.
May 4, 2011 at 5:23 am
Sham.
Wow.
May 4, 2011 at 5:30 am
Must be made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff.
Sham-Wow! You’ll say “wow” every time.
May 4, 2011 at 5:34 am
A shirt on your head is worth two worn as skants.
May 4, 2011 at 5:40 am
Halter Vest – I do not think it means what you think it means…
May 4, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Well said, I was going to go for “inviolable” though. Of course, that may not mean what *I* think it means.
May 4, 2011 at 6:02 am
I was going to say she has derp face, but the fact that she can’t decide if she should wear or eat this fabric speaks for itself.
May 4, 2011 at 6:10 am
Holy fuck, don’t they even try anymore? The only thing organic about this is the dirt under her nails.
May 4, 2011 at 6:11 am
the perfect accessory for the homeless lobotomized hippy chick!
May 4, 2011 at 6:12 am
She’ll never work in a pizza shop in this town again.
May 4, 2011 at 6:16 am
Wait, so all those years in Catholic school I’ve been wearing it wrong? Damn nuns, they LIED TO ME!!!
May 4, 2011 at 6:48 am
Isn’t that cute?
Someone just learned how to use scissors to cut fabrics.
You can see from the expression on her face that she is very proud of it.
May 4, 2011 at 6:48 am
tay inna win
May 4, 2011 at 6:51 am
“Man, we’re out of weed again. Bummer!”
“You got any cash?”
“No, man, just this flyer from Vegan Planet”
“I got the muchies man. What can we sell?”
“How about this?” (Holds up fabric scrap”
“That’s, like, cloth!”
“Yeah, but we could like, say they should *be creative*. Like, stop thinking square”
“You think anyone would buy that?”
“Have you seen the main page of etsy lately?
May 4, 2011 at 7:06 am
“Fo just $48 dolla I will fro’ dis rip’d sak ova you head”.
May 4, 2011 at 7:21 am
I’m too sexy for my hemp…too sexy for my hemp…
May 4, 2011 at 7:24 am
Oh Lourdes! As worn by the Madonna! Guarenteed not to make you look Fatima!
May 4, 2011 at 11:46 am
May 4, 2011 at 7:27 am
For those days when tinfoil just isn’t strong enough to stop them from reading your thoughts
May 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm
You’re right; that could be why it says “inviolable” in the title! Keeps away those pesky aliens.
May 4, 2011 at 7:37 am
Regretsy Math:
/Users/melissanorppa/Desktop/5407262951_7deb089387.jpg + /Users/melissanorppa/Desktop/stanleywu.jpg =/Users/melissanorppa/Desktop/Regretsy.tiff
May 4, 2011 at 7:39 am
I fucked this up. Can I delete it?
May 4, 2011 at 12:14 pm
No.
May 4, 2011 at 7:37 am
Mushroom Trippin’ Girlz n the Hood.
May 4, 2011 at 7:37 am
She teaches coleslaw appreciation workshops.
May 4, 2011 at 7:38 am
If Frances McDormand and a joint had sex…well, this would be the result.
May 4, 2011 at 7:39 am
No wonder Jesus Christ was so fucked up…check out his mom.
May 4, 2011 at 7:39 am
You just KNOW her pussy smells like patchouli.
May 4, 2011 at 7:46 am
Sad Hippie Dance
May 4, 2011 at 7:51 am
Regretsy Math:
May 4, 2011 at 7:53 am
May 4, 2011 at 7:56 am
Read her lips: DERP.
May 4, 2011 at 7:59 am
When you pull the blanket over your head, the world does not go away. Don’t look so surprised when you look out and its STILL THERE.
May 4, 2011 at 8:23 am
Does anyone else think she kinda looks like that woman from Intervention who huffed computer dusters?
May 4, 2011 at 3:17 pm
I think she’s less concerned with computer dusters and more concerned with eating corn through a picket fence.
May 4, 2011 at 8:34 am
Some days, you’re just too high to figure out armholes.
May 4, 2011 at 8:38 am
Vest: you’re doing it wrong.
May 4, 2011 at 9:12 am
“Dude, check it this awesome towel. you can like, put it on your head, or like, over your shoulders, or like… or like, a halter top, or like, anything you want, man, its like, one thing, but like, a bunch of things, you know? and its like totally organic, man. yeah”
May 4, 2011 at 9:16 am
For when you just can’t get yourself to throw off the trappings of civilized life…I offer you this for that popular Third World Look. (Watch for it in Paris this Fall)
May 4, 2011 at 9:31 am
When you wake up in the woods and don’t know where or who you are, at least you’ve got the bag they dragged you here in.
May 4, 2011 at 9:43 am
The lastest fashions for Spring brought to you by the State Lunatic Hospital at Danvers.
May 4, 2011 at 10:07 am
3rd world country fashion is so totally in this season.
May 4, 2011 at 10:20 am
Durka Durka, Like my Burka?
May 4, 2011 at 10:31 am
Dooooodd ….. can you smell the liquid colors coming out of your camera? Whooooaaaa.
May 4, 2011 at 10:59 am
Can be worn many ways, but all are inviolable in the sense that no one will ever want to have sex with you while you’re wearing one (shudder)
May 4, 2011 at 11:00 am
Organic Spandex. Suddenly a synthetic fiber can be ORGANIC? there’s a memo I missed. Also, it’s supposed to be a halter (as in “ties behind the neck”) and a vest (as in, like a button up shirt with no sleeves sort of thing)? Its description only describes what it is NOT. :/
May 4, 2011 at 12:18 pm
shamwow does it again
May 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm
“Forgotten at a campsite as a baby, Noodle was raised by rabid deer and flourished in the wild, taking the only english word she knew as her given name. Noodle had never seen an automobile before, until that fateful morning when Bubba forgot to stop the truck before he snapped a picture.”
May 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Introducing the BulletProof Hajib, from the Taliban 2011 Spring Collection. Ladies, now you no longer need to stand by your man (or even the customary 3 paces behind). Now you can (and must) stand directly in front of him, for all the world, or at least those pesky Seal Teams, to see. Made of a sturdy mix of goat hair and Kevlar(tm), you’ll be making THE fashion statement of his harem, screaming “LaLaLaLaLaLa” and showing what we already knew…that you always had the bigger pair!
May 4, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Heads Up
While the vest-like object is, by definition, “incapable of being harmed or destroyed by violence” the model-like object is fair game.
May 4, 2011 at 4:52 pm
This person clearly doesn’t know the meaning of the words inviolable, halter, OR vest.
May 4, 2011 at 7:11 pm
“As you walk into the eerie you notice a beautiful maiden dressed in a yummy soft cotton/hemp/spandex halter hood shawl,” began the Dungeon Master, “She beckons you with her alluring gaze and begins weaving her hands in the air…”
“She looks lost I’ll approach her.’Dear lady what are you doing out this far?’” says Jonathan, aka Jarvis the Noble Paladin of Nemandithal, through his 2-litre of Mountain Dew.
“She finishes casting her spell of Cheap Photoshoped Prism Cantrips on you Jarvis. You’re stunned for 3 rounds.”
“I knew she was trouble, good thing I had my Steampunk Octopus Necklace of Missiles at the ready! Proffesor Skittleswath (The Moustachioed) will fire two rounds off at her.”
“Roll for initiative…”
May 4, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Looks like mary magdelin woke up in the wrong century. I’d be confused too if I saw jesus statues in car windows.
May 4, 2011 at 10:55 pm
Funbags said she’d filled the bucket with cow’s milk, but her nipples were wet, and cow’s milk wasn’t supposed to be this sweet.
May 5, 2011 at 10:07 am
ShamWTF
May 6, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Insanity. So hot right now.
May 7, 2011 at 10:23 am
This inviolable yummy multi-purpose halter, vest, veil is your guaranteed protection from violation. No one will mess with yorazyu! Crazy eyes contact lenses and hobo hair sold separately.
May 9, 2011 at 6:43 am
And then Bavmorda’s dogs chased her down and ate her and captured the baby.