By now we all know that the best way to unload your worthless crap online is to show your tits. God knows it’s a time-honored tradition on Ebay, where people routinely find ways to get their jugs into their listings.
But you’d never imagine that the plucky crafters of Etsy would stoop to such cynical methods to sell their goods. Esty sellers craft, damn it, and they do it in little cardigans while listening to Cormac McCarthy audiobooks, and waiting for their men to return from the Peace Corps.
Well have I got good news for you! It turns out that Etsy is an excellent softcore porn resource, particularly if you like razor bumps. There are so many gratuitous shots of hipster tits and hippie bush that you could spank yourself for months without ever having to fill out one of those annoying age verification forms.
Pull up a Kleenex and let’s get started!
Of course the best part of all this is that your wife or girlfriend will never question your interest in the world’s most vibrant meat marketplace. She’ll just think you’ve been looking for a one-of-a-kind gift as unique and special as she is!
And really, isn’t everything more meaningful when you do it by hand?
KEEP CALM AND JERK ON
