Just lazer your labe, babe
Vajazzle your pud, bud
Tidy your box, Fox
And I’ll make you a bowl
Just powder your flaps, chaps
And neaten the crack, Jack
Perfume your bits, Fritz
And show me your hole

- Paul Hymen

Oh, I get it! It’s better than a real woman because it doesn’t have a head and can’t talk! Really funny shit. Well you know what? I might have a head, but at least my vagina’s big enough to keep the remote in.

Perhaps I’ve said too much.

Read the decal, Shlomo: No one gets a circumcision around here. No one. Put down the Mogen Clamp, Rabbi, I am not playing with you. Sure, the bris is an important covenant in the Jewish religion, but whatever. You already have the media, what else do you want?

The important thing is we’re raising awareness. That’s what it’s all about. Reaching the millions of people who happen to walk by that wall with the weed growing under it, and telling them what they can do with their penis.

We can do it! Next to bumper stickers, vinyl wall decals are the most efficient method of effecting social change we have! I drove behind a Taurus with a Choose Life sticker on it the other day, and I bombed a clinic on the way home.

True story.

UPDATE: WHEN HARRY MET KATIE

Last month, I told you about this beautiful royal wedding commemorative, celebrating the marriage of Kate Middleton and Prince Harry. I’m sure this was news to William, but he seems like a pretty good sport.

Needless to say, I bought three of these cups immediately, and have been nervously awaiting their arrival ever since. But I was starting to worry that they stopped making them or the whole thing was a hoax, and my treasured heirlooms would never materialize.

So imagine my excitement when I received this fantastic update in my mailbox:

From: Christopher
Subject: ITS HERE!

I feel just like a Royal now. My coffee tastes so much better out of a GuangDong Drinkware Fairytale Romantic cup!

There was only one thing that could eclipse the joy of seeing Christopher with his cup. And yesterday, it happened.

Yes, I am now the proud owner of my own Drinkware Fairytale Romantic cup, and I couldn’t be prouder. As you can see, I keep it next to my other royal commemorative; the royal divorce announcement cup.

IT’S LIKE THOSE FUCKING BRITS HAVE A CUP FOR EVERYTHING

Anyway, I am thrilled with the quality of this new addition, and the attention to almost all of the details. In fact, I was so happy with my purchase, I was inspired to create my own royal wedding cocktail, which I intend to drink from this cup as I watch the proceedings on every fucking television station on earth for at least an entire day.

HIGH TEA

Mix ingredients together over ice in your commemorative cup. Pour into a shaker and give one brisk shake. Pour back into your cup and make sure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Garnish with your own bitter tears.