I had the enviably odd problem that people thought that my wedding invites were so cool that many refused to send in the matching RSVP cards. I had to promise to return all the RSVP cards with the thank you notes just to get people to send them in. ‘Cause you know what every bride wants on the run up to her wedding day? More organizing to do.
I did not receive a single RSVP for my wedding. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to go (not that I didn’t want to get married, but mother stole my wedding money and hijacked the whole thing.). Unfortunately, my hubby decided it was best we show up just in case and there ended up being 120 people there……
People who don’t RSVP are lazy douchebags. People who RSVP and don’t show are just as bad. I had 20 people not show and had to eat wedding leftovers for a week. Worse than Thanksgiving leftovers by far…fancy food doesn’t hold up to the fridge well. I don’t agree with the whole “but it’s my special DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” mentality, but weddings aren’t just some casual dinner party you can just drop by to or just blow off.
A friend just had his wedding, and his FAMILY was refusing to RSVP. Even worse, his one aunt (her plus one invited) RSVP’d for 10!!! She was “bringing her kids” even though they’re grown, and weren’t invited because half of them he’d never even met!!!
I am expecting a lot of no shows at my wedding in two weeks. My fiance’s family has some issues. One of his aunt’s gave me the WORST stink eye at my bridal shower, and I had never met the woman so I knew I had not offended her in any way! A lot of his cousins had invites sent to their parents because we couldn’t find their addresses or phone numbers nor could we get the number for the parents to call and get said addresses. I would have rather NOT invited them, but his mom would have freaked.
As for leftover food, my mom was excited to find out we get to keep the leftovers. We are having our reception at a small Italian banquet hall, and Italian food reheats well.
Nah. They were my friends all on the guest list, except mom. I actually uninvited her at one point. I guess she didn’t want to miss “her” big day, though. That was eight years ago and she still refuses to admit that she did anything wrong.
Oh well. :/
We decided we’re going to renew our vows one day and have the wedding we actually wanted.
Oh, and we’re offering to pay for our daughters’ honeymoons in full if they promise to elope! LOL
eloping is the family tradition for us… four generations of elopements.
My sister planned a big outdoor wedding overlooking the pacific, her and her hubby paid for it all, and a week before they both got suddenly terrified of saying their vows in front of a bunch of people (they are both painfully shy) and ran off to the county clerks office and turned the planned to-do into a party to celebrate instead.
She really did Fairyberryfizz. My dad offered to pay for the stuff I couldn’t afford (which was a lot!).
My parents are divorced and she beat me to his house, browbeat him into putting the check in her name, cashed it and then refused to let me have any of it!
Our whole wedding (including my dress, the cake, and the tux rental) was less than $800. We got married at the courthouse with about 15 people there, and then had a chili coo koff in my friend’s backyard. It was the best wedding ever. My friends are still complaining their families were against such a plan for them, because we had so much fun, and they unanimously hated planning their own traditional weddings. And that was 15 years ago.
I love that plan though. I will pay for the kid’s honeymoon if she elopes or does what we did.
A significant percentage of my husband’s family (who were more used to having receptions in a VFW basement than an art museum) didn’t RSVP. I enjoyed calling them up and saying with all the fake cheer I could muster, ‘Hi! I’m Loremi, and I’m getting married to your nephew —- next month. I’d love to see you, but I’m afraid I haven’t received an RSVP card from you.’ The typical response was a stammer, followed by ‘Oh, I sent that in weeks ago.’ Of course, they started rolling in, all postmarked a day or two later. These were the same people who gave us a single washcloth or some other fuckery. We even had a couple of them crash after RSVPing no. Guess the bingo hall was closed that day.
Nothin’ wrong with the VFW hall. Politeness/rudeness doesn’t necessarily correlate with money/lack of. If your husband’s family members frequented the country club instead of the bingo hall I bet they’d be just as rude. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with the bingo hall either.
I didn’t want to have a wedding at all. I hate weddings so hard that it hurts to think about it. The husband, though, really wanted one. We only sent out forty invitations, and got maybe five RSVPs back. I was pretty happy about that, as it meant a total of ten people, including family, wanted to come, so I figured a quick ceremony and we’re all done, right? We had to buy our own booze for afterwards, so we planned for how many RSVPs we got back. Once I actually went down the aisle, though, I saw that twenty-five people showed up. We did our ceremony with me seething, and then afterwards, I told them all to gtfo.
Don’t people understand that a wedding is a detailed, planned, catered event where you need to know the number of people?
Damn…I eloped back in the day [and divorced] and at this point in my life I’m “off” marriage as a concept. But if I hit my head on something and decided to take the plunge again, I think I’d follow Navarre’s advice upthread and have a bouncer!
For my second wedding, I wanted to just do the courthouse thing, but the hubs had never been married before and wanted a church wedding. By the time we were halfway through the planning, he wanted to elope, but things were too far along by then.
Look, man. I don’t know how to break it to you, but she’s already been poked. As a matter of fact, she’s already been poked by, like, everybody. Hell, I thought you knew.
This is kind of clever, but I think if I got one (just like when I get every freaking one of those “You won’t be brave enough to post this” posts) I would flip a shit. One is cute. Five hundred “clever, original invitations?” I’ll pass.
My husband and I had a -small- wedding (less than 50 people) and even we wanted to elope while trying to plan it.
Then again it was very DIY so there was a lot of legit stress, none of the “oh no, the flowers are eggplant instead of purple, what will we do??” I think the worst thing that happened was we forgot to print our recipe for the punch, so my friend just made one up. No one ever notices the little mess-ups, anyway.
I met my husband on AOL 2.5, but I would be far too embarrassed to admit that in most IRL situations, let alone on my wedding invitations. You’re double-screwed with AOL, because non-computists think you’re a total nerd and anyone who knows computers thinks you’re a n00b. Oh well.
The girl who buys and uses these save the dates will also be the girl who updates her facebook while in labor. If you get this in the mail, I highly suggest defriending her. You don’t want that cell phone pic of the baby flying out of her bajingo. You just don’t!
Almost been there – person at work had a sprog and enire faculty received dialtion up-date e-mails from some over-eager family member or friend. (Cannot recall and am trying to forget more).
Unless you are a very good friend all I want to hear is “mother & baby fine,” gender, & X lbs & Y ozs.
What about the name? I always love to hear what people name their kids. “We named her Kaighleigh, it’s like Kaylee but spelled differently so she’ll be unique!” “We named him Cutter Blade because it’s tuff and manly!” “We named her James because girls with boys names are strong!”
I’m usually afraid to ask for name in case they want to start detailing the birth process (again, stick to “natural” or “needed cesearean” NOTHING more). However, I am OK if the volunteer the name & I agree taht it can be good to read in advance; if they tell you in person your face can give you away. (Am I the only person who thinks that naming a child Drake when his dad is a duck hunter is a hostile act)? Oh, I also had a student whose name was Unique – literally.
I graduated with a Unique (back in 1999). I’ve seen lots of babies in birth announcement named Unique over the past few years, too. Doesn’t this defeat the purpose?
WeddingVille? Oh, damn, I’m too busy with Mafia Wars, FarmVille, FrontierVille, and It Girl as it is. Okay, I’ll be in your Wedding Party but I’m deleting your gift requests. I don’t care if you don’t have enough Wedding Cake Slices to put a Liberator in your virtual Honeymoon Suite.
And send me more purple sheep or I’ll find someone who will.
Oooh, some bride-to-be needs to order these with a “profile pic” of herself in a wedding gown…with the camera obviously held at the end of her outstretched arm. She would of course be showing a bunch of cleavage, making ducklips, and giving the finger with her other hand.
My husband’s uncle proposed to his aunt in the car while at a train crossing. Right as he started to ask, the train passed and people started honking. He wordlessly tossed the ring in her lap and hit the gas.
After a minute she just looked over and said “I guess yes would be the appropriate answer?”
My dad said to my mom, “So, you wanna?”
Mom: “Wanna what?”
Dad: “Get married.”
Mom: “Oh, sure, I guess.”
31 years later and they still hate each other.
My brother in law…wow. At his wedding the bride showed up 3 hours late because she was at Wal-Mart buying is wedding band with her mother. All the while her mother was trying to convince her not to marry him. That night during the reception he ended up making out with an old female friend. Less than 5 years later they were divorced and went through a nasty custody battle for their son. *sigh*
me:”so, we set the date and looked at a bunch of venues last week, but you never actually asked me to marry you.”
him:”Oh. Uh, will you marry me?”
me:”I guess so.”
Current marriage proposal was much more romantic. Should have said “never mind” instead of “guess so.” Ah, hindsight.
I didn’t even get an actual proposal. One day we were laying around and I said “we are going to get married, right?” He agreed and I suggested we pick out an engagement ring together. Once we got it, I was like, “aren’t you going to ask me to marry you?” Being romantic is completely lost on my husband, but I love him, so I’m happy
My ex just turned to me one day and said “so I think we should get married.” And I laughed and laughed because we’d only been going out for eight weeks.
Then I said what the hell.
My boyfriend is much more romantic than my ex ever was…but he’s usually the chick in our relationship, so if there’s a proposal it will almost certainly come from me.
We’re perfectly content living in sin though so I don’t think even that will happen.
I was thoroughly confused because I thought this was an actual facebook “event.” Self, I thought, why would someone pay $30 to have someone else create a facebook event for them? Then I thought, Self, someone made that to LOOK LIKE facebook. Why would anyone do that?
Then I finished off my bottle of champagne and ordered 3 sets.
When I was getting married my uncle suggested that everyone who showed up late or without an RSVP be served haggis. I was on board until I figured out how fucking hard it is to find haggis in the United States. If I had been Etsy-savvy back then I could have just asked someone to find the haggis for me. C’est la vie ….
If I ever get married again, my wedding will be held at the Town Hall before a Justice of the Peace, and the only people invited will be immediate family members. And all you whimsicle fuckers, but you’d be advised to bring your own booze, since I can’t drink.
Or we can just put HK in charge of the bar, and she can spend the night making exotic jell-o shots.
What ever happened to getting married for the benefit of yourself and your spouse to be? It doesn’t need to be a god awful spectacle, especially if you’re going to insist in being so melodramatic about the whole thing.
It’s a celebration of love and the union of two people and their families.
It’s supposed to be a big happy event. It’s not just boring old go to the court house and sign the papers because I am going to have a baby and I need support.
I had the “pleasure” of dealing with a dozen or so weddings last summer.
Sanity didn’t play a major role in any of them.
Actually, the police and paramedics showed up more than sanity.
Am I reading too much into this if this is my idea of Queen Helen and Brock’s royal wedding and this is how I’m subtly being invited?
Seriously, if it’s like a web cam thing, I’ll take the day off. The reception might look like a drunken, lonely, chatroulette but I’m fucking showing up.
My end of the webcam would look drunken and lonely…I’m sure yours would look like a lot more fun. Especially if your serving ware is some of this memorabilia you’ve been posting!
I’ve found there is a certain type of woman who sends these cards out. I don;t get along well with that type of woman. We got one, even though husband was the best man. What, you thought he’d forget?
I got to beg off and stay home with the doggies, since hotel wouldn’t take doggies – I was so happy!!
He’s super sweet, and totally cute, but not really bright. So I’m thinking it’s the “not that bright” part that keeps him with her. She’s a freaking aerospace engineer….
At my wedding, 30 odd years ago, no save the date, no RSVPs. Just show up and if there’s enough food and champagne for everyone, BONUS! Turns out there was plenty left over and the whole wedding cost less than $1,000.00. Shit, times have changed!
Hopefully the idiots who order these have someone who loves them enough to punch them in the face for buying something so fucking stupid. Unless your last name is Zuckerberg there’s no reason to buy them. You’d look like such a twat.
We only had 50 people there. half were a pain in the ass the other half were drunk. If I had to do it over again I would just live in sin. Now that I would announce on fake facebook cards.
My friend met her now ex-husband on MySpace. She would absolutely have ordered that save the date had it been available. I needed so much alcohol to get through that wedding… unfortunately when I got there it was a “DRY” wedding and there was none to be had. It was dry because a distant relative of someone’s was a recovering alcoholic. ONE PERSON. Who didn’t even SHOW UP. Had I known it was “dry” I would have stuffed a bottle or 2 in my cleavage.
I’m nearly 50 and have never been married. Was with my first bf, but never got a sober proposal, so I never went through with it, and eventually he started cheating, anyway.
I only knew my son’s dad for three months when I found out that some OTC antihistamines can counter-act the effects of the Pill. I’d always wanted kids & was 27 by then, so I decided to have the baby. I told Mark he didn’t have to stick around, I wouldn’t blame him, but (after the abortion deadline in our state) he told me, “Well, I guess we can get married, if you want.” I replied, “As romantic as that sounds – no.”
I’ve been to a LOT of DIY weddings though, and some non-DIY weddings, and I love the small, personal ones MUCH better!
I’m not planning on ever giving in & doing it, but “non-traditional” thing.
Also, I’ll come here to have you guys do my commemorative plates.
My wedding turned into SUCH a fiasco. My parents pulled the traditional thing and paid for our wedding, which my mom decided meant that it was HER wedding, and basically took over. I wasn’t allowed to make the decisions about things I really wanted – my dress was vetoed for being “too sexy” and replaced with a marshmallow snow-monster princess thing (still pretty, but not my first choice). I was not allowed to go to the menu tasting with friends – my mom came and for the most part picked the menu. I didn’t get to pick the cake flavors I wanted – my mom insisted she have at least one tier in her favorite flavor. I was even shocked to find out that my friends were being scratched off the guest list to make room for her business associates WHOM I HAD NEVER EVEN MET!!
But on the day of the wedding, every single person in the wedding party (my husband and I included) and over half the guests all had the stomach flu. My husband had a barf bag in his tuxedo “just in case.” So…Karma.
Weddings. Elope and put a down payment on a house.
If you need to trick on the white lace and tiara, you are probably getting married just to go through the whole wedding bullshit routine, and it won’t last. Your next high will be an affair.
Forget feeding all those damned people that wouldn’t buy YOU a meal on your worst day…save your money, do it private and cheap, and buy a house.
“Reception/Housewarming” party – everyone helps you move, you get wedding cake, they help set up all your stuff and find out you DON’T need another toaster, then everyone goes to a department store and goes shopping for what you don’t have.
Hmmm I bet my boyfriend would go for this someday!
Yes! I wish I’d done that, instead my parents and my ex’s parents got saddled with debt, and we were divorced three years later. Besides, after eloping and buying said house you can always have a “post-elopement reception” and invite over whoever you want.
Facebook-themed wedding. HMM. So cellphones aren’t banned, status updates instead of verbal communication? Lots of drunk photo posting at the end of the reception? Classy. Just because the rest of your life revolves around facebook, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to base your wedding on it. Unless that’s how you met, if so, have fun.
To me, “Save the date” cards mean they did not plan well enough to have the invitations ready.
I invited everybody to mine the day before the wedding (via LiveJournal and phone). No RSVPs but two people showed up (sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law). My parents were on vacation and found out about it when they got home. My parents had said they’d pay for college or wedding, and I chose college. Total cost for the wedding: about $200, but that probably includes the engagement ring. We both went back to work in the afternoon.
I did always want to introduce him as “my first husband”.
Just my opinion, and all, but the price/planning aren’t the arbiter of the length of the marriage. Low cost, easy, or small doesn’t always mean it’ll last forever, but neither does huge and ostentatious guarantee lasting happiness. Save the dates, perfect dress, nothing going wrong day of? NONE of that matters. It’s all about how hard you’re willing to work at the relationship, how well matched you are, and how good of friends. Well, that, and if s/he doesn’t cheat on ya. OR turn into a total lazy douche.
I worked in banquets for 3 years, and OMFG you could ALWAYS tell the couple who was going to divorce within 5 years. I wish we could have made bets and had family tell us later if we were right. One couple didn’t even really make it through the wedding – she seriously stomped off to the bride room, screaming she wanted an annulment. Not that I blame her, the groom was a complete tool, checking out bridesmaid boobs…..but she was also a complete “princess.”
I bartended for a catering company, and I have had some very similar experiences…. One bride locked herself in the bathroom for more than 45 minutes because her jackass groom was too busy playing pool to show up to the part of the reception with the dj/food/family. Ah, that’s one for the album.
It rained on the morning of my noonish outdoor wedding (actually six years ago today, April 30), and stopped just long enough for a beautiful ceremony. We spent less than $3000, and it was perfect. (I couldn’t afford anything, so we made it all ourselves.)
Got married barefoot on the beach in Mexico, just the 2 of us. He proposed the first day of our trip. Met with the resort wedding coordinator day 2, got married day 9. Everything was perfect, & not and ounce of stress. I do kinda wish the 3 witnesses on our marriage certificate were not Juan, Juan, and Juan though.
Wedding (including photos, cake, and champagne), 11 day all inclusive trip to Mexico, dress, and airfare… less than $2,000
The whole wedding thing is kinda strange to me. When I got married, there were something like 5 steps:
1) book wedding chambers in Toronto City Hall
2) fly to Toronto
3) get marriage license on morning of wedding
4) get married, using two of the four guests for witnesses
5) go back to hotel room, eat cake
My mum got drunk and crawled around the room with a cake moustache. It was great.
This all makes me so happy that I got married in Las Vegas. Our witness was a drunk guy we dragged in off the street. The guy who married us was in a hurry and wanted me to rent a plastic flower to hold… RENT? PLASTIC? FLOWER????? I laughed so hard that I had to go outside and breath in all that gambling air for about 3 minutes. I never ever even contemplated having a wedding.
I’m just creeped out by the matching black hoodies. “Do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” “I now pronounce you one with the great leader. You all may now eat the pudding and secure the plastic baggies over your heads.”
April 29, 2011 at 6:50 pm
I will only RSVP, if there is a commerative plate.
April 29, 2011 at 7:24 pm
I’m waiting for a new store to pop up on Etsy for “wedding favor commemorative plates in the style of Wills and Kate!”
Any minute now…
April 29, 2011 at 7:42 pm
I’ll only RSVP if there’s a commemorative Marine penis. Oh, and cake. I love cake.
April 29, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Commerative penis plate for serving penis cake.
April 29, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I had the enviably odd problem that people thought that my wedding invites were so cool that many refused to send in the matching RSVP cards. I had to promise to return all the RSVP cards with the thank you notes just to get people to send them in. ‘Cause you know what every bride wants on the run up to her wedding day? More organizing to do.
April 29, 2011 at 8:51 pm
crap. that was supposed to be for #2. I have had a lot of celebratory wine tonight.
May 5, 2011 at 2:17 am
@unholyghost2003 please tell me what they were!!
April 29, 2011 at 6:50 pm
I did not receive a single RSVP for my wedding. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to go (not that I didn’t want to get married, but mother stole my wedding money and hijacked the whole thing.). Unfortunately, my hubby decided it was best we show up just in case and there ended up being 120 people there……
April 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm
man that makes me mad enough for my head to explode!
April 29, 2011 at 7:00 pm
People who don’t RSVP are lazy douchebags. People who RSVP and don’t show are just as bad. I had 20 people not show and had to eat wedding leftovers for a week. Worse than Thanksgiving leftovers by far…fancy food doesn’t hold up to the fridge well. I don’t agree with the whole “but it’s my special DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” mentality, but weddings aren’t just some casual dinner party you can just drop by to or just blow off.
April 29, 2011 at 7:26 pm
A friend just had his wedding, and his FAMILY was refusing to RSVP. Even worse, his one aunt (her plus one invited) RSVP’d for 10!!! She was “bringing her kids” even though they’re grown, and weren’t invited because half of them he’d never even met!!!
April 30, 2011 at 11:09 pm
Been there. Writing people in on the RSVP cards is some tacky shit.
May 2, 2011 at 7:46 am
I am expecting a lot of no shows at my wedding in two weeks. My fiance’s family has some issues. One of his aunt’s gave me the WORST stink eye at my bridal shower, and I had never met the woman so I knew I had not offended her in any way! A lot of his cousins had invites sent to their parents because we couldn’t find their addresses or phone numbers nor could we get the number for the parents to call and get said addresses. I would have rather NOT invited them, but his mom would have freaked.
As for leftover food, my mom was excited to find out we get to keep the leftovers. We are having our reception at a small Italian banquet hall, and Italian food reheats well.
April 29, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Ouch! Was your hand sore after smacking 121 people? (assuming Mommy Dearest wasn’t one of the people sitting there)
April 29, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Nah. They were my friends all on the guest list, except mom. I actually uninvited her at one point. I guess she didn’t want to miss “her” big day, though. That was eight years ago and she still refuses to admit that she did anything wrong.
Oh well. :/
We decided we’re going to renew our vows one day and have the wedding we actually wanted.
Oh, and we’re offering to pay for our daughters’ honeymoons in full if they promise to elope! LOL
April 29, 2011 at 7:11 pm
That is an excellent plan. I am putting that into my parental play-book!
April 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm
I can’t believe your mom stole your wedding money. I can hardly credit it.
April 29, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Seriously. You are a genius. My son is only 10 but I am keeping this idea. I think everyone should elope.
April 29, 2011 at 9:42 pm
eloping is the family tradition for us… four generations of elopements.
My sister planned a big outdoor wedding overlooking the pacific, her and her hubby paid for it all, and a week before they both got suddenly terrified of saying their vows in front of a bunch of people (they are both painfully shy) and ran off to the county clerks office and turned the planned to-do into a party to celebrate instead.
April 30, 2011 at 3:47 am
She really did Fairyberryfizz. My dad offered to pay for the stuff I couldn’t afford (which was a lot!).
My parents are divorced and she beat me to his house, browbeat him into putting the check in her name, cashed it and then refused to let me have any of it!
She spent a good chunk of it on herself.
April 30, 2011 at 2:28 pm
My dad told me he’d pay for a ladder. Considering my bedroom was on the first floor, it would have been a very small ladder!
I haven’t had a wedding yet, and probably never will, but eloping looks good after what my friends have gone through.
April 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Our whole wedding (including my dress, the cake, and the tux rental) was less than $800. We got married at the courthouse with about 15 people there, and then had a chili coo koff in my friend’s backyard. It was the best wedding ever. My friends are still complaining their families were against such a plan for them, because we had so much fun, and they unanimously hated planning their own traditional weddings. And that was 15 years ago.
I love that plan though. I will pay for the kid’s honeymoon if she elopes or does what we did.
April 29, 2011 at 7:42 pm
A significant percentage of my husband’s family (who were more used to having receptions in a VFW basement than an art museum) didn’t RSVP. I enjoyed calling them up and saying with all the fake cheer I could muster, ‘Hi! I’m Loremi, and I’m getting married to your nephew —- next month. I’d love to see you, but I’m afraid I haven’t received an RSVP card from you.’ The typical response was a stammer, followed by ‘Oh, I sent that in weeks ago.’ Of course, they started rolling in, all postmarked a day or two later. These were the same people who gave us a single washcloth or some other fuckery. We even had a couple of them crash after RSVPing no. Guess the bingo hall was closed that day.
April 30, 2011 at 4:49 am
That’s why you hire a bouncer! “Oh, hmm… you’re not on the guest list, sorry, no cake for you!”
April 30, 2011 at 2:29 pm
The cake is a lie.
April 30, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Nothin’ wrong with the VFW hall. Politeness/rudeness doesn’t necessarily correlate with money/lack of. If your husband’s family members frequented the country club instead of the bingo hall I bet they’d be just as rude. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with the bingo hall either.
April 30, 2011 at 4:48 am
I seriously hope you took her off your Christmas list. What kind of mother steals their child’s wedding money?!
April 30, 2011 at 5:06 am
I didn’t want to have a wedding at all. I hate weddings so hard that it hurts to think about it. The husband, though, really wanted one. We only sent out forty invitations, and got maybe five RSVPs back. I was pretty happy about that, as it meant a total of ten people, including family, wanted to come, so I figured a quick ceremony and we’re all done, right? We had to buy our own booze for afterwards, so we planned for how many RSVPs we got back. Once I actually went down the aisle, though, I saw that twenty-five people showed up. We did our ceremony with me seething, and then afterwards, I told them all to gtfo.
It was a bad night all around.
April 30, 2011 at 7:46 am
Don’t people understand that a wedding is a detailed, planned, catered event where you need to know the number of people?
Damn…I eloped back in the day [and divorced] and at this point in my life I’m “off” marriage as a concept. But if I hit my head on something and decided to take the plunge again, I think I’d follow Navarre’s advice upthread and have a bouncer!
April 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm
For my second wedding, I wanted to just do the courthouse thing, but the hubs had never been married before and wanted a church wedding. By the time we were halfway through the planning, he wanted to elope, but things were too far along by then.
April 29, 2011 at 6:50 pm
I DO!
Poke your woman, I mean.
April 29, 2011 at 6:52 pm
I think I <3 Jenna . . seriously
April 29, 2011 at 7:20 pm
You know that the “status update” was written by Helen Killer, right?
April 29, 2011 at 6:52 pm
Look, man. I don’t know how to break it to you, but she’s already been poked. As a matter of fact, she’s already been poked by, like, everybody. Hell, I thought you knew.
April 29, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Wedding stuff gets stupider by the minute. So glad I’m past all that obnoxious shit. I still wish we had gone on a trip and eloped.
April 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm
This is kind of clever, but I think if I got one (just like when I get every freaking one of those “You won’t be brave enough to post this” posts) I would flip a shit. One is cute. Five hundred “clever, original invitations?” I’ll pass.
April 30, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I love how they posed for their engagement cards in elegant matching black hoodies.
April 29, 2011 at 6:57 pm
I will admit, my engagement and wedding rings were custom made by an Etsy seller. I adore them.
April 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I do hope it wasn’t made by the seller featured in tonight’s previous post
April 29, 2011 at 7:25 pm
I am pretty dirty…but I decided to go all “classy” with the rings. I’ll keep that in mind for my anniversary, though.
April 29, 2011 at 7:38 pm
we are looking at ordering ours from an etsy seller too. i almost felt guilty about it but decided i loved the ring more!
April 29, 2011 at 9:13 pm
We’re only here to mock fuckery…not the talented people of etsy (IMHO). My rings were beautifully made.
April 29, 2011 at 7:21 pm
My husband and I had a -small- wedding (less than 50 people) and even we wanted to elope while trying to plan it.
Then again it was very DIY so there was a lot of legit stress, none of the “oh no, the flowers are eggplant instead of purple, what will we do??” I think the worst thing that happened was we forgot to print our recipe for the punch, so my friend just made one up. No one ever notices the little mess-ups, anyway.
April 29, 2011 at 7:27 pm
I went all DIY too. I’d take it back in a second for a trip to Costa Rica. WTF was I thinking?
April 30, 2011 at 4:50 am
The more I hear this, the more I think it’s a good idea someday. ♥
April 29, 2011 at 6:54 pm
While I would probably NOT go for this, these are actually quite cute–if you met your spouse online. Or, if you’re 14.
April 29, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Yeah, the design concept is like a rejected ad campaign for eHarmony.
April 29, 2011 at 7:07 pm
I met my spouse online and yet it is not the central feature of our relationship. I would not consider using tacky, irritating crap like this.
April 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Dang, I should’ve sent out Telnet-client save-the-dates, since I met my husband back in my MU* days.
April 29, 2011 at 8:29 pm
I met my husband on AOL 2.5, but I would be far too embarrassed to admit that in most IRL situations, let alone on my wedding invitations. You’re double-screwed with AOL, because non-computists think you’re a total nerd and anyone who knows computers thinks you’re a n00b. Oh well.
April 30, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I agree, I think they’re cute and maybe a fun option for the right wedding, say for a younger couple who are really into social media.
My friends, on the other hand, would just look at them and think “WTF??”
April 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm
I… ugh… WHY? *facebookpalm*
April 29, 2011 at 6:58 pm
I hate to break it to you but she’s already part of our superpoke.
April 29, 2011 at 6:58 pm
Hey, this is the opposite of the last post, where the woman was poking him.
April 29, 2011 at 7:00 pm
The girl who buys and uses these save the dates will also be the girl who updates her facebook while in labor. If you get this in the mail, I highly suggest defriending her. You don’t want that cell phone pic of the baby flying out of her bajingo. You just don’t!
April 29, 2011 at 7:02 pm
OH god. Visions of horror. I will have nightmares about giving birth live on facebook tonight.
April 29, 2011 at 7:09 pm
oh gross. hopefully by the time I’m ready to be a mother, babies will come with an app for updating themselves
April 29, 2011 at 7:12 pm
That would be handy. I was so out of it after labor I kept forgetting to feed mine. A hunger notification might have been nice……
April 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm
That’s what screaming until you’re blue in the face is for.
April 29, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Oh, please, please somebody who can photoshop – a picture of a flying baby with a bajingo in the background!
April 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm
And then she’ll be tweeting that shit too.
omg another contraction #baby
April 29, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Almost been there – person at work had a sprog and enire faculty received dialtion up-date e-mails from some over-eager family member or friend. (Cannot recall and am trying to forget more).
Unless you are a very good friend all I want to hear is “mother & baby fine,” gender, & X lbs & Y ozs.
April 29, 2011 at 10:17 pm
What about the name? I always love to hear what people name their kids. “We named her Kaighleigh, it’s like Kaylee but spelled differently so she’ll be unique!” “We named him Cutter Blade because it’s tuff and manly!” “We named her James because girls with boys names are strong!”
April 30, 2011 at 10:21 am
I’m usually afraid to ask for name in case they want to start detailing the birth process (again, stick to “natural” or “needed cesearean” NOTHING more). However, I am OK if the volunteer the name & I agree taht it can be good to read in advance; if they tell you in person your face can give you away. (Am I the only person who thinks that naming a child Drake when his dad is a duck hunter is a hostile act)? Oh, I also had a student whose name was Unique – literally.
April 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I graduated with a Unique (back in 1999). I’ve seen lots of babies in birth announcement named Unique over the past few years, too. Doesn’t this defeat the purpose?
April 29, 2011 at 7:00 pm
“Here’s a toaster in honor of your wedding. This gift was bought on clearance and can’t be returned. Could you help by sending a thank you note back?”
10 minutes ago via Weddingville *Like*Comment*Send Thank You Note
April 30, 2011 at 3:59 am
WeddingVille? Oh, damn, I’m too busy with Mafia Wars, FarmVille, FrontierVille, and It Girl as it is. Okay, I’ll be in your Wedding Party but I’m deleting your gift requests. I don’t care if you don’t have enough Wedding Cake Slices to put a Liberator in your virtual Honeymoon Suite.
And send me more purple sheep or I’ll find someone who will.
April 29, 2011 at 7:01 pm
U may now txt the brd.
April 29, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Oooh, some bride-to-be needs to order these with a “profile pic” of herself in a wedding gown…with the camera obviously held at the end of her outstretched arm. She would of course be showing a bunch of cleavage, making ducklips, and giving the finger with her other hand.
Then it would be perfect.
April 29, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Wedding self-portraits are SOOO 2011!
April 29, 2011 at 7:13 pm
If you added something in an unreadable font along the lines of “dont fuck wif my babydaddy bitchs” “dont hate me cuz i hot” then it would be perfect.
April 29, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Of course it also needs to have a toilet in the background.
April 30, 2011 at 4:00 am
Unflushed.
April 30, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Pffft… ducklipped self-portraits are soooo Myspace
April 29, 2011 at 7:05 pm
I eloped twice and never had to worry about stupid RSVPs. Thank God.
The only reason I go to weddings is for the food.
April 29, 2011 at 7:11 pm
and the open bar
April 29, 2011 at 7:06 pm
This seems a lot more romantic than the proposal I got:
“Listen uh… I need someone to clean my toilets for the rest of my life. Wanna get hitched?”
sigh… I am truly envious of this couple.
April 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm
My husband’s uncle proposed to his aunt in the car while at a train crossing. Right as he started to ask, the train passed and people started honking. He wordlessly tossed the ring in her lap and hit the gas.
After a minute she just looked over and said “I guess yes would be the appropriate answer?”
April 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I knew someone who proposed at an Elton John/Billy Joel concert. At a slow point he HANDED HER a $20,000 ring and said “how about it?”
Of course, she had lived with him for two years and had set the date before he ever “proposed,” so she didn’t have a lot of room to complain.
May 2, 2011 at 7:38 pm
My dad said to my mom, “So, you wanna?”
Mom: “Wanna what?”
Dad: “Get married.”
Mom: “Oh, sure, I guess.”
31 years later and they still hate each other.
My brother in law…wow. At his wedding the bride showed up 3 hours late because she was at Wal-Mart buying is wedding band with her mother. All the while her mother was trying to convince her not to marry him. That night during the reception he ended up making out with an old female friend. Less than 5 years later they were divorced and went through a nasty custody battle for their son. *sigh*
April 29, 2011 at 7:17 pm
With my first marriage, it went like this:
me:”so, we set the date and looked at a bunch of venues last week, but you never actually asked me to marry you.”
him:”Oh. Uh, will you marry me?”
me:”I guess so.”
Current marriage proposal was much more romantic. Should have said “never mind” instead of “guess so.” Ah, hindsight.
April 29, 2011 at 10:35 pm
I didn’t even get an actual proposal. One day we were laying around and I said “we are going to get married, right?” He agreed and I suggested we pick out an engagement ring together. Once we got it, I was like, “aren’t you going to ask me to marry you?” Being romantic is completely lost on my husband, but I love him, so I’m happy
April 30, 2011 at 8:15 am
My ex just turned to me one day and said “so I think we should get married.” And I laughed and laughed because we’d only been going out for eight weeks.
Then I said what the hell.
My boyfriend is much more romantic than my ex ever was…but he’s usually the chick in our relationship, so if there’s a proposal it will almost certainly come from me.
We’re perfectly content living in sin though so I don’t think even that will happen.
April 29, 2011 at 7:07 pm
I was thoroughly confused because I thought this was an actual facebook “event.” Self, I thought, why would someone pay $30 to have someone else create a facebook event for them? Then I thought, Self, someone made that to LOOK LIKE facebook. Why would anyone do that?
Then I finished off my bottle of champagne and ordered 3 sets.
April 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm
OH, me too! It took me a minute to get it. I can’t use alcohol as an excuse, unfortunately.
April 29, 2011 at 7:10 pm
When I was getting married my uncle suggested that everyone who showed up late or without an RSVP be served haggis. I was on board until I figured out how fucking hard it is to find haggis in the United States. If I had been Etsy-savvy back then I could have just asked someone to find the haggis for me. C’est la vie ….
April 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I know where you can buy canned haggis. And canned mushy peas for a side, and canned spotted dick for dessert.
April 29, 2011 at 8:22 pm
I hear they have a pill for that now.
April 29, 2011 at 10:28 pm
Hehehe. Spotted dick. Every time I see that in the “international” aisle at the grocery store, I can’t help but giggle.
April 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm
If I ever get married again, my wedding will be held at the Town Hall before a Justice of the Peace, and the only people invited will be immediate family members. And all you whimsicle fuckers, but you’d be advised to bring your own booze, since I can’t drink.
Or we can just put HK in charge of the bar, and she can spend the night making exotic jell-o shots.
April 29, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I’d pay money to attend that wedding!
April 29, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Anyone else here think Helen would make an excellent MC?
April 29, 2011 at 9:12 pm
I wish Helen was a J.O.P. I have no plans to get married, but I would just to have her officiate.
April 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I’ve heard it’s pretty easy to get licensed online. “Whimsicle Weddings by Helen” sounds pretty good!
April 29, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Drama drama drama.
What ever happened to getting married for the benefit of yourself and your spouse to be? It doesn’t need to be a god awful spectacle, especially if you’re going to insist in being so melodramatic about the whole thing.
April 29, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Because it’s her special DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, by god! You will bow to her demands or she will eat you alive.
April 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I think alchemical was thinking more along the lines of bridezillas and over-the-top weddings. Not a nice, family wedding like most sane people have.
April 29, 2011 at 8:03 pm
I had the “pleasure” of dealing with a dozen or so weddings last summer.
Sanity didn’t play a major role in any of them.
Actually, the police and paramedics showed up more than sanity.
April 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm
In the Digital Age, screen caps will be the primary obstacle to annulments.
April 29, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Am I reading too much into this if this is my idea of Queen Helen and Brock’s royal wedding and this is how I’m subtly being invited?
Seriously, if it’s like a web cam thing, I’ll take the day off. The reception might look like a drunken, lonely, chatroulette but I’m fucking showing up.
April 29, 2011 at 7:33 pm
My end of the webcam would look drunken and lonely…I’m sure yours would look like a lot more fun. Especially if your serving ware is some of this memorabilia you’ve been posting!
April 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm
I think save the date cards are lame anyway. My cousin sent out FOUR. One was 2 YEARS ahead of time. Bitch, your wedding is NOT that important.
April 29, 2011 at 7:39 pm
jeebus.
April 29, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Haha really? Wow. She must have been confident that they wouldn’t split by then.
April 29, 2011 at 8:05 pm
I’ve found there is a certain type of woman who sends these cards out. I don;t get along well with that type of woman. We got one, even though husband was the best man. What, you thought he’d forget?
I got to beg off and stay home with the doggies, since hotel wouldn’t take doggies – I was so happy!!
April 29, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Damn! I would send out an 10 years-to-early announcement for the birth of my child! Let see your wedding out do me bitch! lol
Just kidding. But seriously..who does that?
If I ever get married I hope there less people there than I can count with both hands. I don’t need every single person I’ve ever met there.
“OMG remember him! I had a crush on him when I was in the 6th grade! He better fuck one of my bridesmaids!”
Sometimes…I don’t get people.
April 29, 2011 at 8:55 pm
She also bought 5 wedding dresses…..wore one for pictures about a year before the wedding. Three others she bought and then decided she didn’t like.
I seriously hope she doesn’t procreate. We used to be friends growing up, but this level of priss I cannot handle….
April 29, 2011 at 9:00 pm
It takes a very special, or completely whipped, man to put up with that sort of thing.
That’s just ridiculous.
April 29, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Seriously. At that point all of the fuss and princessery has WAY overtaken the actual husband-to-be in importance.
April 29, 2011 at 9:09 pm
I almost typoed “impotence” there. It seems oddly appropriate.
April 29, 2011 at 9:15 pm
And parents. Completely whipped parents, who probably paid for each dress.
May 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm
He’s super sweet, and totally cute, but not really bright. So I’m thinking it’s the “not that bright” part that keeps him with her. She’s a freaking aerospace engineer….
April 29, 2011 at 10:15 pm
Dammit. I thought you were gonna say they kept informally announcing the breakup, therefore having to resend the STDs. (Do you see what I did there?)
April 29, 2011 at 7:51 pm
At my wedding, 30 odd years ago, no save the date, no RSVPs. Just show up and if there’s enough food and champagne for everyone, BONUS! Turns out there was plenty left over and the whole wedding cost less than $1,000.00. Shit, times have changed!
April 29, 2011 at 9:00 pm
That’s what I want to do. May cost a bit more than $1000, but I want simple and fun, dammit!
April 29, 2011 at 10:17 pm
No shit! If I had the cash I spent on our wedding today, I’d probably spend it on marriage counseling.
April 30, 2011 at 4:06 am
I don’t know why it’s so hard to plan a wedding. Papa John’s has a coupon for ten pizzas for $100 bucks. That should do it, I’d think.
April 29, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Hopefully the idiots who order these have someone who loves them enough to punch them in the face for buying something so fucking stupid. Unless your last name is Zuckerberg there’s no reason to buy them. You’d look like such a twat.
April 29, 2011 at 7:56 pm
We only had 50 people there. half were a pain in the ass the other half were drunk. If I had to do it over again I would just live in sin. Now that I would announce on fake facebook cards.
April 29, 2011 at 8:02 pm
My friend met her now ex-husband on MySpace. She would absolutely have ordered that save the date had it been available. I needed so much alcohol to get through that wedding… unfortunately when I got there it was a “DRY” wedding and there was none to be had. It was dry because a distant relative of someone’s was a recovering alcoholic. ONE PERSON. Who didn’t even SHOW UP. Had I known it was “dry” I would have stuffed a bottle or 2 in my cleavage.
April 30, 2011 at 4:09 am
Uh oh. I just got a mental image of wine bottle holder shaped like cleavage. It’s a good thing I have no artistic ability to render a drawing.
April 29, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Let me check my Facebook status…
Nonexistent. Whew!
April 29, 2011 at 8:08 pm
I’m nearly 50 and have never been married. Was with my first bf, but never got a sober proposal, so I never went through with it, and eventually he started cheating, anyway.
I only knew my son’s dad for three months when I found out that some OTC antihistamines can counter-act the effects of the Pill. I’d always wanted kids & was 27 by then, so I decided to have the baby. I told Mark he didn’t have to stick around, I wouldn’t blame him, but (after the abortion deadline in our state) he told me, “Well, I guess we can get married, if you want.” I replied, “As romantic as that sounds – no.”
I’ve been to a LOT of DIY weddings though, and some non-DIY weddings, and I love the small, personal ones MUCH better!
I’m not planning on ever giving in & doing it, but “non-traditional” thing.
Also, I’ll come here to have you guys do my commemorative plates.
April 29, 2011 at 8:12 pm
My wedding turned into SUCH a fiasco. My parents pulled the traditional thing and paid for our wedding, which my mom decided meant that it was HER wedding, and basically took over. I wasn’t allowed to make the decisions about things I really wanted – my dress was vetoed for being “too sexy” and replaced with a marshmallow snow-monster princess thing (still pretty, but not my first choice). I was not allowed to go to the menu tasting with friends – my mom came and for the most part picked the menu. I didn’t get to pick the cake flavors I wanted – my mom insisted she have at least one tier in her favorite flavor. I was even shocked to find out that my friends were being scratched off the guest list to make room for her business associates WHOM I HAD NEVER EVEN MET!!
But on the day of the wedding, every single person in the wedding party (my husband and I included) and over half the guests all had the stomach flu. My husband had a barf bag in his tuxedo “just in case.” So…Karma.
April 29, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Weddings. Elope and put a down payment on a house.
If you need to trick on the white lace and tiara, you are probably getting married just to go through the whole wedding bullshit routine, and it won’t last. Your next high will be an affair.
Forget feeding all those damned people that wouldn’t buy YOU a meal on your worst day…save your money, do it private and cheap, and buy a house.
This rant is over.
April 29, 2011 at 9:02 pm
That’s not a rant. It’s common sense.
April 30, 2011 at 5:02 am
“Reception/Housewarming” party – everyone helps you move, you get wedding cake, they help set up all your stuff and find out you DON’T need another toaster, then everyone goes to a department store and goes shopping for what you don’t have.
Hmmm I bet my boyfriend would go for this someday!
April 30, 2011 at 9:16 am
That’s what we did! Small wedding, 30 people or so, and bought a house.
April 30, 2011 at 9:19 am
You are so wise and absolutely right.
May 3, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Yes! I wish I’d done that, instead my parents and my ex’s parents got saddled with debt, and we were divorced three years later. Besides, after eloping and buying said house you can always have a “post-elopement reception” and invite over whoever you want.
April 29, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Facebook-themed wedding. HMM. So cellphones aren’t banned, status updates instead of verbal communication? Lots of drunk photo posting at the end of the reception? Classy. Just because the rest of your life revolves around facebook, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to base your wedding on it. Unless that’s how you met, if so, have fun.
April 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm
No, thanks. I’ll go to Staples, buy the paper and print it off Facebook myself.
April 29, 2011 at 8:53 pm
To me, “Save the date” cards mean they did not plan well enough to have the invitations ready.
I invited everybody to mine the day before the wedding (via LiveJournal and phone). No RSVPs but two people showed up (sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law). My parents were on vacation and found out about it when they got home. My parents had said they’d pay for college or wedding, and I chose college. Total cost for the wedding: about $200, but that probably includes the engagement ring. We both went back to work in the afternoon.
I did always want to introduce him as “my first husband”.
April 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I have friends who have been married 50 years and she still introduces him as her first husband.
April 29, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Just my opinion, and all, but the price/planning aren’t the arbiter of the length of the marriage. Low cost, easy, or small doesn’t always mean it’ll last forever, but neither does huge and ostentatious guarantee lasting happiness. Save the dates, perfect dress, nothing going wrong day of? NONE of that matters. It’s all about how hard you’re willing to work at the relationship, how well matched you are, and how good of friends. Well, that, and if s/he doesn’t cheat on ya. OR turn into a total lazy douche.
I worked in banquets for 3 years, and OMFG you could ALWAYS tell the couple who was going to divorce within 5 years. I wish we could have made bets and had family tell us later if we were right. One couple didn’t even really make it through the wedding – she seriously stomped off to the bride room, screaming she wanted an annulment. Not that I blame her, the groom was a complete tool, checking out bridesmaid boobs…..but she was also a complete “princess.”
April 29, 2011 at 9:45 pm
I bartended for a catering company, and I have had some very similar experiences…. One bride locked herself in the bathroom for more than 45 minutes because her jackass groom was too busy playing pool to show up to the part of the reception with the dj/food/family. Ah, that’s one for the album.
It rained on the morning of my noonish outdoor wedding (actually six years ago today, April 30), and stopped just long enough for a beautiful ceremony. We spent less than $3000, and it was perfect. (I couldn’t afford anything, so we made it all ourselves.)
April 29, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Speaking of weddings, does anyone know some good mixes for peach schnapps?
April 29, 2011 at 9:18 pm
Ginger ale and bourbon.
April 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm
May leave out the bourbon and make it a Just Peachy, Eh?
April 29, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Got married barefoot on the beach in Mexico, just the 2 of us. He proposed the first day of our trip. Met with the resort wedding coordinator day 2, got married day 9. Everything was perfect, & not and ounce of stress. I do kinda wish the 3 witnesses on our marriage certificate were not Juan, Juan, and Juan though.
Wedding (including photos, cake, and champagne), 11 day all inclusive trip to Mexico, dress, and airfare… less than $2,000
April 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Juan, Two and Three??
April 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm
The whole wedding thing is kinda strange to me. When I got married, there were something like 5 steps:
1) book wedding chambers in Toronto City Hall
2) fly to Toronto
3) get marriage license on morning of wedding
4) get married, using two of the four guests for witnesses
5) go back to hotel room, eat cake
My mum got drunk and crawled around the room with a cake moustache. It was great.
April 29, 2011 at 9:47 pm
This all makes me so happy that I got married in Las Vegas. Our witness was a drunk guy we dragged in off the street. The guy who married us was in a hurry and wanted me to rent a plastic flower to hold… RENT? PLASTIC? FLOWER????? I laughed so hard that I had to go outside and breath in all that gambling air for about 3 minutes. I never ever even contemplated having a wedding.
April 30, 2011 at 1:47 am
I might make those for myself, as a joke. To give to my sister, maybe my cousin, a couple of people. But as actual wedding save-the-dates?
Two of my friends got married today. Another is pregnant. I think I’m feeling horrible sociological/biological pressures. Help.
April 30, 2011 at 6:56 am
Assuming getting married is a one-time thing, her response should be “I will!” not “I do!” Save that for the ceremony, honey.
April 30, 2011 at 8:43 am
I’m just creeped out by the matching black hoodies. “Do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” “I now pronounce you one with the great leader. You all may now eat the pudding and secure the plastic baggies over your heads.”