She’s right, it is a rather good penis. I’m pretty sure telling my boyfriend that I’m masturbating with someone else’s boyfriend would go over REALLY well.
But he’s Air Force so I’m already supporting the troops. Much like when I slept with the guy who was ex-Marines. And the one who was ex-Navy. If only I’d gotten Army, then I’d have the whole set. Slutty for AMERICA.
Perfectly happy with my Coastie thanks:) I’d actually thought of casting him a few years ago but he wigged out about having that stuff on him so it didn’t happen:-p
LIKENESS. It’s a LIKENESS. There should be no problem there. Simply tell your boyfriend that he doesn’t quite ‘measure up’ to a 6’4″ blonde-hair, blue-eyed Marine. How could he have a problem with that?
I was just thinking that! It looks exactly like the most beautiful penis I have ever seen in real life minus the foreskin! Chalk up another sale for Regretsy, I’m getting one!!!!
My boyfriend said he would appreciate if anyone could put the dildo in some dress blues. He’s never laughed so hard in his life!!! We’re actually making a site with those pictures… and we will absolutely credit everyone.
- JuiciestJuice
What’s worse is after their Corps days are over, but they insist on keeping their tight hard body uniforms forever, even though some of us realize they will never fit in it again.
I’m not even allowed to store that uniform out in the garage with the boxes of crap that still smell like foreign sand!
I got a Regretsy username and password just so I could comment on this. That is one amazingly hot cock. Fuck the yellow ribbons … er, you can have the yellow ribbons while I fuck this penis.
It adds an extra level of pathos to the story… he was a suffering hero before he even went off to war! I mean, having been horribly mutilated like that!
Really? Is this really a thing? I kind of feel insulted on behalf of all circumsized men everywhere. I can’t see how it can possibly make a difference to the partner. Plus, it feels like you’re blaming him for something that was either state law or religious customs. I promise you, it works just as well. I know *I’ve* never missed my husbands foreskin.
Wait. I’m a troll for opposing the practice of unnecessary surgery to remove up to half of the nerve endings from the sexual organs of newborns, often performed without anesthetic? Thanks for letting me know.
*waits under her bridge for some goats to try crossing*
There are no state laws mandating circumcision. Just some vague religious laws — which is dumb considering that the vast majority of Americans are Christian and circumcision is forbidden in the new testament, and the vast majority of Jews are reform and don’t follow the torah anyway.
I noticed the hands too, and unless a doll bites its finger nails – then that’s not a doll hand. Maybe they just have unusually small fingers. That could explain a few more things. I don’t think it’s a clone a willy kit though, they don’t come out that well. (ha!) To anyone else considering those kits, they aren’t intended for use. There are better ones out there that can be um… loved.
Normally when girls brag about their man’s manhood, I just smile and say “That’s great!” but I’m going to cut that shit out if it leads to things like this.
Normally when girls brag about their man’s manhood, I just give them a pitying look. It’s pathetic enough when men do it. ‘Oh you’re THAT BIG Please Please pound hail dents in my fallopian tubes until my health insurance triples.’ And make sure to have a picture taken of your junk for your future girlfriends to admire.
exactly what I was thinking. Why did his friend happen to have a picture of his junk? Was it erect in the picture? Why did his friend think it was a good idea to show said junk pic to a girl who hated him? Her FAQ just raises more questions than it answers.
Well, there’s already a wall of vajayjays… I think a wall of patriotic penises is definitely in order. Or maybe a wall of mixed vaginas and penises, since the military is integrated?
They’re all so manly that instead of regular vacation/clowning around photos, they take pictures of their junk. “And here’s Tom’s junk and Will’s scrotum, enjoying the local cuisine… if you look closely you can see Jenny’s hoo-ha in the background, checking out the bartender.”
From what I can tell this doesn’t have anything to do with charity. She makes no mention of donating proceeds to any sort of disabled Vet program. Fuck. Slapping “Support our troops/vets” on stuff just to sell it is as irritating to me as all the pink “Breast Cancer Awareness” crap. (Not that all of that stuff is evil, but a whole bunch of companies sell pink shit that only “Supports Awareness” by being pink. Not one cent donated.)
I don’t think “perfect” and “penis” go together – not even in the dictionary. (and anyway, this one is missing it’s foreskin, and was the model breast-fed? Inquiring minds want to know!)
If you had God’s fucking hand, you would even need a dildo. In fact… new plan: I will make a dildo “casted” from God’s hand (see: Michaelangelo)and sell it to raise charity money for Focus on the Family (other suggestions are welcome.)
As long as the money’s going to Focus on the Family, count me in! Never to early to start holiday shopping- here ya go grandma, it’s not just a dildo- it’s art!
To be fair, it is a pretty nice penis. Kinda curious as to what the dildo’s made of, though, as she was so busy waxing euphoric over her boyfriend’s perfect dick that she forgot to describe the actual product…
Ugh – my oldest son is 6’4″ w/blonde hair — so now this actually is quite disturbing. Shame on her for alienating so many potential customers with these additional unnecessary descriptive details.
We’re woman – just put it in our hand and say it’s a big buff Marine’s penis of perfection and let us go from there! GEEZE!
Amen! As soon as I saw it, I thought, “It can’t be perfect–it’s the wrong color!” Of course, I don’t want to think about who neone green is the “right” color for!
Dammit, you had to go and say that. My oldest son is also 6’4″ w/blond hair. I didn’t really think about it from that point of view UNTIL YOU BROUGHT IT UP. THANKS.
Lol. I just saw that yesterday. I was going to post that in the forum, but forgot to…well I didn’t forget. I was boozed up.
I forgot how I found it. It was one of those “I am looking for Lego themed earrings.” then two hours later I am looking at handmade dildos.
And I see doll hands as well. But it does look nice.
I wasn’t aware that there were penis connoisseurs out there. And I have to wonder if he approved this. I would be really pissed if my husband made a mold of my bajingo and sold it because “it was so perfect he had to share.” *barf*
My Navy recruiters threw a shit fit when they found out I’d been doing pin-up modeling and burlesque dancing. I daresay they would’ve shat bricks if I’d have made a fuck-toy out of myself.
Besides, I’ll stick with my blue-eyed, dark-haired, 5’9″ sailor, whose penis is the perfect measurements for *me*. That jarhead monster is coming nowhere near my vagina.
My thoughts exactly…..biggest size ain’t the point, I’ve had too small, I’ve had too big. I’m Goldicocks. I’ve got JUST RIGHT now….hmm, maybe I should share with others??
Time Life Entertainment brings you our newest item in the “Support the Troops” collection: a replica life-sized dildo, molded after one of our brave veterans. This dildo was hand-crafted of the finest rubber and is safe enough for all of your intimate orifices. The shaft is slightly curved for your pleasure. If you order one today, as a bonus gift, we’ll send you the commemorative Royal Wedding Cock Ring – your free gift just for purchasing today. Hurry – supplies are limited. Order today! Because if you don’t, the terrorists win.
But wait, there’s more! If you call within the next 314159 minutes, you will receive a pouch of our Hill Billy Bajingo wash, guaranteed to keep you fresh for your new Servicing Member!
“His friend showed me a picture of my future boyfriend’s goods, and even then, I couldn’t find one bad thing to say.”
Wow, what a coincidence, I can’t find one bad thing to say, either! Actually, I can’t even find a good thing to say. The only words I’m able to form right now are variations on, “Whaah? Huh? Why? Waaah?”
Also why was his friend carrying a picture around anyway, does he keep it in his wallet or something?
- You know, that guy, your friend who’s 6’4″ with blond hair? I hate him!
- Hey, don’t speak so quickly. You haven’s seen his junk yet, have you?
- Certainly not! I hate him!
- Wait a minute, let me get a picture from my wallet… Here you are! So, do you still hate him?
- …
Ah, the beautiful beginning of a great love story!
When my best friend got married she asked the bridesmaids to wear silver sandals, so we have a picture of us standing in a circle with everyone’s foot in with similar but different shoes. *That* was cute. That was the sort of photo that you show people.
A girl in my class once had a picture on her phone of her friend’s vagina. Apparently, the friend needed her to do this to send it to her boyfriend (er…the friend’s boyfriend, not the girl in my class’s). While I still think that was a pretty weird thing to do, and a pretty weird photo to not delete right away, at least she didn’t go around showing me or anyone else those pictures. Who does that?
It seems weird enough to even know that someone has a photo of a friend’s genitals on their phone – what’s the point of telling people that you have it if you’re NOT going to show it??
4. This penis is so perfect, it is literally the best chance we have at world peace. He whips it out whenever he’s in combat and immediately, enemy soldiers drop their weapons and praise the powers that be for blessing them with one glimpse at heaven.
Convo me with instructions on how to accept my Nobel Peace Prize!
This penis is so perfect that you will never want to remove it from your vajayjay! This penis will blind you with it’s glorious sheen if directly looked at! THIS PENIS WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU EXPLODE WITH ECSTASY!
Have you been reading bad porn? People in bad porn are always ‘exploding with ectasy!’, and frankly, I’d think it’d be a right bugger to get all that blood and guts off the walls and out of the sheets.
Personally I like tall, dark, and handsome so that pale penis really doesn’t do it for me. Sorry honey, I don’t think blond hair and blue eyes are the epitome of attractiveness, way for me to go against the grain!
If you lined up every man I got all funny for….they all tend to look alike, and I think we might have somewhat similar taste (possibly?).
Some version of Superman, really (Bill Campbell, Bruce Campbell, young Alec Baldwin, Chris Noth…Gabriel Byrne being a notable exception, with the coloring staying the same). I’m terribly conventional that way.
I know, I know…you were just waiting with halting breath for me to share my personal taste with you, because its all about me. And now, my work here is done.
I have never found penises to beautiful. Its more like something I enjoy for the experience rather than visual appeal. like cake. Inspect for mold and other defects? Yes. Worry about the beauty of it rather than try it out? U bet sara lees sweet ass I won’t.
See, I don’t get the obsession with length – exbf of mine was too long, couldn’t be all the way in without hitting the back of my throat, and I’m not talkin’ during a bj. WTF is fun about that??
I’ve never gotten that either. Are many women fond of having sex while actually several inches away from their partner, so that no other body parts are touching?
If its true that penis size and foot size are proportional then although he has the ‘perfect’ penis, at 6’4″ and a mere 6.5″ he must have a hard time standing up without tipping.
Me too, Julie. And I doubt even that particular statement is made “frequently.” Then again, the answer to the non-question also makes me wonder about all of her interactions with other humans. Maybe her entire existence revolves around images of her boyfriend’s penis.
What if I prefer black hair and hazel eyes, or green-eyed gingers, or for that matter black men with inexplicably pink penises? She’d be completely ruining it.
I like a handsome penis as much as the next girl, but I prefer it connected to the whole package. Cock qua cock is kind of boring. Give me the whole Marine, and maybe we can talk.
Sheesh, for that price (and I’m sure the shipping is pretty high too, didn’t go look) I can go to the local ‘bookstore’ and get one that actually does more then just look like a dick. And have money left over for the batteries!
Though the more I look at it, the more I think she might be a reseller…. I’m pretty sure I have seen that exact make and model on a website before. Not that anyone here would go looking on THOSE kids of websites to check, right? LOL
For FREE? Well then, by gods, I’ll have to get it!
Only not really. The real deal is so much better anyways, which is why I got married to begin with! So that I could have a conversation that isn’t one-sided afterwards!
I wouldn’t know. Regretsy is the closest I’ve ever come to Etsy in YEARS. A friend of mine from AntiCraft set up a shop there, and then got overrun with look-a-like shops and that made me decide to never go there. Regretsy gives me laughs while reinforcing my need to not go there!
Oh yeah, sure…make a cast of your bfs dick to sell to thousands of men and women who can’t click on the porn section of ebay.
I has a sad.
I also has a WTF??? but you probably guessed that.
I hate to be that girl, but 6.5 is actually kind of modest for my liking -_-
With that said, if this was actually done by a whole troop of ‘em 6’4″ rugged blond marines, with proceedings going to some appropriate charity, I’d bless the world I live in and buy a whole damn set.
(On second thought – not marines, army. Each box should say “This we’ll defend” underneath the picture of respective dickster holding his junk.)
If she made in camouflage, glued a G.I.Joe gun to the shaft, AND dropped the price to $20…I’d buy it. I’d upcycle it into something classy, like a spare toilet paper roll holder.
I’m no connoisseur of silicone man steak, but if I had to venture a score for this particular penile implement, I’d give it a 8.9. Sure, it’s pretty, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or, in this case, it’s in the hand of the boneholder.
I would absolutely go in for pictures of a grown man skipping. May I recommend listing them with April’s Army? You can charge extra if you frolic with a basket, and charge double-extra if you frolic with a basket full of inadequate Marine dildos.
My girlfriend woke up and we had the following convo:
Me: I am bigger than a 6’4″ Marine.
Her: No you aren’t, he’s got two inches on you.
Me: *gestering a la a Barker’s Beauty to crotchal region* Actually, quite the opposite.
Her: *rolls eyes* You’re retarded.
I can’t page back on this entry because I attracted the kiddies attention by laughing at your note, Bronswirlz13. Now they want to know what I’m reading. Nothing….nothing at all…
I really don’t know what to say except I am pining for a glass jar with something dead in it – ANYthing but this!
Thank my lucky stars I’m latex intolerant!
Let’s start lobbying for an entire FP of this stuff — it’s the right Etsy-fave-color!
…well hell, here I went and married a Marine to get one of these. I had no idea I could just buy one!
At least I can take consolation in that mine’s bigger.
“Vagina” is boring and clinical, “Vulva” is prissy, “Lady Parts” is vaguely descriptive, “Bajingo” sounds like a musical instrument, and “Bearded Clam” is hilarious…
But “Vajayjay”??? That word makes me want to grab the Cosmo out of this seller’s hand and smack her with it.
“What’s sexier than a dildo cast from the penis of a rugged, 6’4, blonde hair, blue eyed U.S. Marine?”
Well, only because you asked:
*A human being with an actual real penis attached to him
*That model with the tunic… awww yeah….
*Hunky men in women’s underwear. Don’t judge me.
*Almost anything
Should we notifiy the tunic seller there may be a market for dildoes modeled after her husband’s penis?
Oh God, I feel so damned CREEPY now. This whole thing is creepy. Does her boyfriend know she’s offering his part of parts for sale to complete strangers on fucking Etsy?
Men in women’s apparel, and/or women in well-cut suits (or biker gear, or construction-worker flannel, or just boxers), are fucking delightful. I love me some sexy sexy contrasts. *hifives*
Well, the fact that there is a living! breathing! geek-girl somewhere out there… and Your Average Buyer might actually have sex! with her vagina!.. you might be onto something here Added bonus if you make it in bluish and market it as Draeneigina. Just sayin’.
Make it grey, and market it as a robogina, and I can think of at least two buyers I could send your way. (One of them would be me, buying it to weird people out with.)
ruh-roh…photobucket banned my account so you will have to imagine a wool scarf-let lovingly and skillfully* photoshopped onto the end of Capt. America’s pretty pee-pee.
*by skillfully I mean sloppily, in haste and without regard to any of the finer points of photoshoppery.
I’m glad it’s the perfect size for any vajayjay. It’s one-size-fits-all. Because there aren’t any women out there with smaller OR larger vaginas. We are all exactly the same as this seller. Her preferences are universal.
I’m suddenly using too many exclamation points in my typing today, and I realized it’s all because of this post. The exclamation point is the fully erect wang of the keyboard.
I actually know a girl who used a kit to cast her husband’s penis for times when he was on deployment. I think she stopped short of selling the final product, however. I hope.
I admit, I find it a bit odd. My boyfriend is often away for long periods while doing fieldwork and I simply wouldn’t find this appealing. Maybe because a substitute of the real thing just isn’t the same. It’s like a reminder of what you’re missing without all the individuality that actually makes it worth lusting over.
Don’t get me wrong, I like some weird shit, this idea just doesn’t do anything for me.
I’m rowing with ya….my hubs travels a lot for work. I’m fine with a vibrating egg or whatnot, I don’t need to try to replicate his cock. It wouldn’t ever be the same.
Now, a USB net-cock that we could video chat and use? And he’d control, from wherever he and his laptop are?
They actually make those! Except they’re all either really low end novelty junk or wildly expensive futurist looking systems that seem to be marketing the design and packaging more than the actual features…
The low end ones don’t look like they’d be worth purchasing and the higher end models are just way too expensive and don’t have many customer reviews. I also think it’s a fantastic idea, but I don’t feel comfortable investing in something that doesn’t have any feedback and can’t be returned if I’m unhappy with it.
Someone needs to set up and make a nice midrange model for the rest of us.
I saw something like that and considered one for when hubby went away for his work, but he made an interesting point. For everything that exists that accessible by the Internet, he said, there’s a way to hack it.
I was getting ready to eat the last bite of my breakfast when I opened Regretsy, and just sort of froze with it stuck between my teeth as I tried to figure out what the shit was going on. This post is a whole new level of “You sold WHAT on the internet?!”, and for that I can never forgive you. Forgive, repay, it’s all the same anyways…
I can just envision washing it in the dishwasher, forgetting to unload the dishwasher, & trying to explain to my mother why I’ve got horror movie-themed dildos in amongst the dishes. (Hey, I’m not wasting all that water to wash a dildo or two.) I really want the xenomorph one on the left, but according to the site that sells them, they’re $245 fucking dollars.
Damn, that is one pretty penis. But WHY did she have to share so much personal info? TMI! If I’m getting off with that lovely beauty I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on this girl with her boyfriend – or worse yet, having a threesome with two people who aren’t even there…
I’m afraid I’d need a signed Certificate of Authenticity before I considered this.
I was so disappointed when the Franklin Mint’s Commemorative Wangs of the Founding Fathers gift set turned out to be a bunch of inflatable.condoms with tiny powdered wigs on top.
I… I’m just not sure I’m ready to trust again.
I haven’t read the 247 responses above mine, but has anyone suggested we all chip in, buy 100 of them, and send them to the guys in his unit? Units for the unit, you know. I think they would be delighted.
I’ve had some pretty weird pillow talk before (one time we even talked about Wolverine from X-Men), but I look like an amateur compared to the woman who asks, “Hey honey, can I cast your penis and sell dildo replicas of it to crafters on Etsy?”.
Sir, I salute you!! And I know what I want to wave at the next Memorial/Veteran’s Day parade.
However, please tell your horny honey that not only do loose lips sink ships but they also spew WAY TMI. You do realize that you are going to have to look your friends in the face (you hope) after they have read that drivel?
Additionally…How the hell did she get him to agree to do a penis model for her to make this? “Here, honey, once you have a hard on I need you to dunk it in the plaster of paris. I’ll lick it off later.”
Holy shit! I run to USMC cadence calls. Gives totally new meaning to:
Mama and Papa were laying in bed.
Mama rolled over, this is what she said…
Ah, gimme some…
Ah, gimme some…
P.T….
P.T….
Good for you!
And good for me!
Mmm, good.
Before I joined the Navy in 19-nom-nom, I stopped by the Marine recruiter in the next office. In order to show me how tough the Marines were, he whipped out his tadpole bazooka.
A housefly? That’s the artistic statement he wanted to make when going through the excruciating pain of getting needles jabbed into his penis? What does that say?
“Hey, ladies, I’m as appealing as a trash barrel or a dead body.”
“If you are impressed with the fly, you should see my crabs.”
See, I wanna Photoshop all the lovely suggestions people have been throwing out. But the thing is, I would have to actually save those pictures on my computer in order to upload them. And I just can’t face the possibility of explaining to some Mac employee why I have a picture of a dildo in dress blues on my computer.
This reminds me of this guy named Bobby Garcia profiled in John Waters’ book Role Models. His life’s work is to entice Marines to let him give them blowjobs on video. Talk about supporting our troops!
My bajingo is all over this bandwagon of making a Regretsy account just so I can echo lustful praise for this magical meat. Which, I should say, would go smashingly with my Commemorative Vibrating Royal Wedding Ring.
“JESUS CHRIST WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JUST PUTTING A GOD DAMNED RIBBON ON YOUR CAR”
I’d prefer a dildo. Although I’d still not be entirely comfortable with having a dildo casted after someone who’s not my boyfriend. And I’m pretty sure my boyfriend wouldn’t like it.
When my ex was teaching me to drive a standard, he told me “It’s easier to just get in the habit of resting your hand on the knob than to reach for it every time you need it.”
I now understand how completely I misunderstood him.
No, Captain America’s has stripes and stars. And The Hulk’s is green, and Superman’s emits laser beams, and Spiderman’s shoots a sticky subst…. ok, ok, I’ll stop.
The other day my boyfriend (who is a Marine) was telling me how a bunch of his Marine friends did this for their girlfriends while they away. I am still waiting on one from him before he delpoys lol
I… apparently had some free time? I found a really similar dildo, 6.5″ by 1.5″ for only like, $20, so even though this one totally has an awesome back story, I think you could save a few bucks and get one you *know* has never been used before. Because, honestly, “what are the odds it’s been used” is the first thing that pops into my head whenever I see a sex toy on Etsy.
There is something desperately wrong with me, because all I can think about is that I want a grapefruit-flavored popsicle and not a Marine’s penis inside of me. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!
That would be my preference as well, C&D. Dark haired, green eyed pacifist. When you opt for “Make Love, Not War” you don’t have to rely on the silicone substitute.
So basically we need to find a field o’ soldiers roaming free? Ohhhhhh, so THAT’S the meaning behind Soldier Field? It was really once a field of free range military men? :-p
Has anyone commented on the fact that her boyfriend’s “friend” showed her a picture of her boyfriends dick four years prior to going out with him? If one of my guy friends tried to show me a photo of another dude’s dick, I’d be very wary of that friend…
I hear their unofficial motto is “Semper paratus, someone forgot us.”
I tried to convince him to do this before he deployed, but the whole idea freaked him out. For some reason he is opposed to sticking his erect penis into a cannister of wet latex. I told him about this Regretsy feature and he said, “Marines will stick it in anything, god bless ‘em.”
I don’t know, I think it could be a little like a banana split. It looks great and very tempting but after it’s all inside, I’d feel very full and somewhat uncomfortable. But then, I’m an old lady and I can’t hold as much as I did in the past.
I dont know — I am confused by the child hand holding the dildo, but then again the girth is quite suitable for myself – except it doesn’t have a vibrate function and its made by a stranger in Boca Raton!
Ok, so she hated his guts, but what changed her mind about hating him so much was a picture of his junk? and it was so “pretty” she had to share it with the world? WTF? BTW, how pathetic is it that I feel validated that something I submitted finally showed up here?
It’s one of those simple pleasures that make life worthwhile.
Besides, that’s almost 500 dick jokes within 24 hours, all because of your submission. Quite the accomplishment!
Umm, my fiancee is like 5’10 and his shoe size is like an 11- mind you, his shoe size matches what’s below the belt exactly(I’m one lucky bitch), so how in the hell is a 6’4 tall marine with a 6″ dick proportional!?? I always thought that 7.5 was the average, but I guess I was wrong? Lol itsy bitsy weener :p
The marine penis is not all that appealing.
April 27, 2011 at 9:33 am
You’re right. A more perfect penis I’ve never seen.
(Holy shit, did I type that or think that?)
April 27, 2011 at 9:37 am
She’s right, it is a rather good penis. I’m pretty sure telling my boyfriend that I’m masturbating with someone else’s boyfriend would go over REALLY well.
April 27, 2011 at 9:41 am
Yeah but you’d be supporting the troops, and if he objects that means hes unpatriotic and if he hates America so much then he can git out! lol
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
I’ll just stick with my husband’s Air Force penis, thanks.
I do wonder how he’d react if I asked to do a cast of his junk, though… hmm…
April 27, 2011 at 10:26 am
But he’s Air Force so I’m already supporting the troops. Much like when I slept with the guy who was ex-Marines. And the one who was ex-Navy. If only I’d gotten Army, then I’d have the whole set. Slutty for AMERICA.
April 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Don’t forget the Coast Guard, frickineh!
April 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Perfectly happy with my Coastie thanks:) I’d actually thought of casting him a few years ago but he wigged out about having that stuff on him so it didn’t happen:-p
April 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Is a Troop Supporter any different from an Athletic Supporter? How? Is it camo or olive drab?
April 27, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Ooh Coast Guard. I live in Colorado though so those are hard to come by. Multiple puns only intended after the fact.
May 5, 2011 at 12:54 am
Can I just screw an average guy who has no idea how to use a gun, and still be patriotic?
April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am
LIKENESS. It’s a LIKENESS. There should be no problem there. Simply tell your boyfriend that he doesn’t quite ‘measure up’ to a 6’4″ blonde-hair, blue-eyed Marine. How could he have a problem with that?
April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am
THIS! Hahahaha
April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am
If he objects, it means the TERRORISTS WIN!
April 27, 2011 at 1:49 pm
If you DON’T masturbate with this Marine’s penis, the terrorists have won.
April 27, 2011 at 9:57 am
It IS pretty nice looking. I prefer uncut, but yeesh, I can’t argue with that girth. :/
April 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Exactly. I think I want to order it and then make a complain that the foreskin is missing.
February 20, 2012 at 1:07 pm
I was just thinking that! It looks exactly like the most beautiful penis I have ever seen in real life minus the foreskin! Chalk up another sale for Regretsy, I’m getting one!!!!
April 27, 2011 at 10:01 am
It’s very nice, but without the rest of the Marine attached, I find myself unmoved.
So to speak.
April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am
Exactly. I would like the whole Marine, please.
April 27, 2011 at 10:40 am
What would you do with a whole silicone marine?
I know I would cross-dress him in sweater-skirts.
April 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Yanno…right after I posted that….I pictured the worlds BIGGEST and anatomically correct Ken Doll.
Let the shuddering begin.
April 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
I’d like the marine dressed by Vermorlian.
April 27, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Maybe you can strap it on to this:
http://www.gizmodiva.com/home_improvement/get_your_own_man_pillowmanllow.php
Hey look, get a couple of everything and have yourself an orgy!
April 27, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Well, she said she wants to share. Convo her!
April 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
Exactly, can I see that dildo in a nice set of Dress Blues, please?
April 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyum you gave me a mental image to treasure, thanks!
April 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm
My boyfriend said he would appreciate if anyone could put the dildo in some dress blues. He’s never laughed so hard in his life!!! We’re actually making a site with those pictures… and we will absolutely credit everyone.
- JuiciestJuice
April 27, 2011 at 11:53 am
Eh. I have one of those. Trust me…some days THIS is the best part.
April 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
What’s worse is after their Corps days are over, but they insist on keeping their tight hard body uniforms forever, even though some of us realize they will never fit in it again.
I’m not even allowed to store that uniform out in the garage with the boxes of crap that still smell like foreign sand!
Oops, tangent, huh?? Back to dildo discussion!
April 29, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I have one as well, and I agree, sadly.
Although, I too am a Marine and I too am nothing like I once was.
April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am
I got a Regretsy username and password just so I could comment on this. That is one amazingly hot cock. Fuck the yellow ribbons … er, you can have the yellow ribbons while I fuck this penis.
April 27, 2011 at 10:55 am
Excellent name choice, by the way.
April 28, 2011 at 12:00 am
Seconded!
April 28, 2011 at 6:03 am
I just think this dildo puts a whole new twist on “whimsicle FUCKery”.
April 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm
…but Eight is Enough to fill your vagoo with LOVE.
(putting the dick in Dick Van Patten)
April 27, 2011 at 2:30 pm
That’s pretty much what I came here to post. Whether or not his girlfriend is insane… the man does have a very nicely shaped penis.
Now the question is – did he make the mold for his lady’s use and she’s gone hog-wild selling copies, or is he in on this plan?
April 27, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 3:38 pm
That is oddly mesmerizing.
April 27, 2011 at 8:09 pm
It really is; I can’t seem to look away…
April 27, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I had just gotten those flashbacks to stop! Guess I’ll be going back to therapy again.
April 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm
I see this and I hear, “You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby…”
GAH MEAT SPIN FLASHBACK……!
April 27, 2011 at 10:46 pm
April 27, 2011 at 7:19 pm
It can do that with the aid of a strap on and a willing dancer.
April 27, 2011 at 10:53 pm
That penis is so perfect, and patriotic, I’d like to fuck an apple pie with it
April 27, 2011 at 11:28 pm
Then you could sell the pie in the Etsy vulva department
April 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Oooooh…I could never sell my pre-fucked, apple pie treasure! Unless you were willing to pay me $179 for it.
June 18, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Hmm. Barring the likely chance that my internet sarcasm sensor has failed, if half the people think that this is a very nice dick…
I could totally make a living off my boyfriend’s penis. Same shape and size, just not attached to a Marine, for those who aren’t into military men.
CONVO ME.
April 27, 2011 at 9:33 am
I like this a lot. I’m not sure why…..
April 27, 2011 at 9:38 am
Me too… what the hell?
April 27, 2011 at 9:34 am
Ooh Rah?
April 27, 2011 at 9:41 am
That’s what she said.
April 27, 2011 at 9:34 am
It is circumsized. FAIL.
April 27, 2011 at 9:42 am
He probably wasn’t breast fed, either.
April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am
and clearly has mother issues.
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 10:18 am
That is exactly what I was thinking. Regretsy has sullied my mind forever.
April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am
It adds an extra level of pathos to the story… he was a suffering hero before he even went off to war! I mean, having been horribly mutilated like that!
April 27, 2011 at 12:59 pm
That’s not made with *soy* wax, is it?
April 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Oh it’s gorgeous enough I can overlook that flaw.
April 27, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Really? Is this really a thing? I kind of feel insulted on behalf of all circumsized men everywhere. I can’t see how it can possibly make a difference to the partner. Plus, it feels like you’re blaming him for something that was either state law or religious customs. I promise you, it works just as well. I know *I’ve* never missed my husbands foreskin.
Go head and thumb me down. I don’t care.
April 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Its probably a joke about all the circumcision wank that’s been going on recently.
April 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Actually, it’s a joke referring back to the intactivist trolls a couple days ago. No need to feel upset.
April 28, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm
It’s cool rhapsody. There are girls out there who prefer their men “cut” in ways other than having a six-pack. Of course, the six-pack helps too.
Speaking of six-packs, it’s time to drink. It’s vodka-thirty here after having two days of tornadoes.
May 29, 2011 at 10:16 am
There are no state laws mandating circumcision. Just some vague religious laws — which is dumb considering that the vast majority of Americans are Christian and circumcision is forbidden in the new testament, and the vast majority of Jews are reform and don’t follow the torah anyway.
April 27, 2011 at 9:35 am
What is this….I don’t even….
April 27, 2011 at 9:35 am
I spy doll hands!
April 27, 2011 at 9:46 am
Kristen Wiig has a marine boyfriend?
Who knew?
April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am
April 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Haa haa haa! That was my last year’s Halloween costume.
(Denise from the Fingerlakes, not the penis)
April 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I noticed the hands too, and unless a doll bites its finger nails – then that’s not a doll hand. Maybe they just have unusually small fingers. That could explain a few more things. I don’t think it’s a clone a willy kit though, they don’t come out that well. (ha!) To anyone else considering those kits, they aren’t intended for use. There are better ones out there that can be um… loved.
April 29, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Yes, I have a terrible nail biting habit
April 27, 2011 at 9:36 am
I’ve seen better…
April 27, 2011 at 9:43 am
I’ve had better!
April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am
There you go, bragging again.
April 27, 2011 at 9:50 am
should I buy a clone a willy kit so I can share with you all? Better yet, I’ll just host an orgy.
April 27, 2011 at 2:29 pm
I’ve had worse. So, SO much worse.
April 28, 2011 at 6:23 am
Ha! Tell me about it. I wish I could tumbs up twice.
June 28, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Agreed. Seconded. et cetera
April 27, 2011 at 9:36 am
I’m more offended that she said “casted” instead of “cast.”
April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am
For a split second, I read it as “castrated”. That brought it up to a whole new disturbing level.
April 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Oh please, no. We just got over the circumcision thing.
April 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Castration is a hygiene issue, obviously.
April 29, 2011 at 5:45 pm
You learn something new every day. Thanks!
I’m going to fix that error.
April 27, 2011 at 9:37 am
Normally when girls brag about their man’s manhood, I just smile and say “That’s great!” but I’m going to cut that shit out if it leads to things like this.
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
But its for charideee!
April 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Normally when girls brag about their man’s manhood, I just give them a pitying look. It’s pathetic enough when men do it. ‘Oh you’re THAT BIG Please Please pound hail dents in my fallopian tubes until my health insurance triples.’ And make sure to have a picture taken of your junk for your future girlfriends to admire.
April 27, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Like x a million
August 5, 2012 at 8:21 am
exactly what I was thinking. Why did his friend happen to have a picture of his junk? Was it erect in the picture? Why did his friend think it was a good idea to show said junk pic to a girl who hated him? Her FAQ just raises more questions than it answers.
April 27, 2011 at 9:38 am
I think we should employ the same idea in here in the UK instead of the Poppy Appeal. Genuine WWII (and WWI if we can find any) penis casts.
What?
April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am
Complete with elderly wrinkled scrotum.
Yeah, try and eat now.
April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am
I’m full, thanks.
April 27, 2011 at 6:53 pm
That’s what [this girl] said. :ZING:
Sorry, blame the bourbon
April 27, 2011 at 10:22 am
I think like 2 weeks ago the last WWI vet passed away.
If he got a good embalming, I’d say we still have time.
You bring the shovels.
April 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm
The last Doughboy died. There are still a couple of brits left.
April 28, 2011 at 12:05 am
If he’s doughy, why bother? I prefer them rock hard thanks.
April 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Well, there’s already a wall of vajayjays… I think a wall of patriotic penises is definitely in order. Or maybe a wall of mixed vaginas and penises, since the military is integrated?
April 28, 2011 at 6:26 am
Only if they are painted red, white and blue.
April 27, 2011 at 9:38 am
Semper WTF?
Now that’s what I call serving your country.
April 27, 2011 at 9:54 am
Don’t you mean ‘servicing your country’?
April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am
or “cunt-ry”
April 27, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Semper Why??
April 27, 2011 at 9:38 am
Now we know what Cynthia Plaster Caster has been up to these days.
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
I’m also wondering why his friend was carrying around a picture of his ‘goods.’
April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am
Its a great military tradition.
April 27, 2011 at 10:07 am
YES…Why was his male friend carrying around a picture of his penis?
I thought “Rum, buggery and the lash” was about the British Navy?
Sexy times!
April 28, 2011 at 2:12 am
British Navy? Maybe, but it’s also a good night out…
April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am
I would expect that from the Navy, but the Marines? That goes against the “badass manly men (and women)” image they try to project.
April 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
They’re all so manly that instead of regular vacation/clowning around photos, they take pictures of their junk. “And here’s Tom’s junk and Will’s scrotum, enjoying the local cuisine… if you look closely you can see Jenny’s hoo-ha in the background, checking out the bartender.”
April 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
The Marines do alot of their work in conjunction with the Navy and spend time on deck with the swabbies going to and from ‘work’. Well, they used to…
April 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
Thanks, Flutterguy, I needed that laugh.
April 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
Always glad to help!
April 28, 2011 at 6:59 pm
A friend of mine who’s in the Marines referred to it as being with the “gayest group of homophobes” imaginable.
April 27, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Can we ask now? Will he tell?
April 27, 2011 at 9:41 am
Thats the first person I thought of.
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
I bet the marines didn’t think of this when their slogan became “semper fi.”
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
I- I’ve got nothing, people.
See, I understand her making a mold of her boyfriends penis to play with while he’s away- for her own personal use.
But why- WHY- does she want loads of other women bouncing up and down on his plastic penis replica?
April 27, 2011 at 9:43 am
Polyamory…ur doin’ it wrongz.
April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am
I’m beginning to be concerned that this is nothing to do with charity and actually everything to do with a fetish of hers.
April 27, 2011 at 10:21 am
From what I can tell this doesn’t have anything to do with charity. She makes no mention of donating proceeds to any sort of disabled Vet program. Fuck. Slapping “Support our troops/vets” on stuff just to sell it is as irritating to me as all the pink “Breast Cancer Awareness” crap. (Not that all of that stuff is evil, but a whole bunch of companies sell pink shit that only “Supports Awareness” by being pink. Not one cent donated.)
April 27, 2011 at 11:49 am
Seriously. Yes, I think it’s a pretty cock too, but how would we react if it was a guy selling fleshlights of his girlfriend’s Pleasure Palace?
April 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Actually, I think she got a shitload of these wholesale off ebay and has come up with an imaginative way of unloading them.
And how does she know it is the ‘perfect’ penis! How many has she tried??
And remember ‘ Not all bajingo’s are created equal’!!! Amen
April 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Menopausal, I think you may be right! Etsy being the home of using a florid and/or weird description to sell junk, she’d fit right in.
And remember, some bajingoes are more equal than others!
April 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
to sell junk… LITERALLY, am I right?! High five!
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
Is that made with Fimo or Sculpy?
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
well then. I reloaded the Regretsy page then wandered off to make lunch before looking at it. I thought this was a porn popup.
“Go Fuck Yourself To Support Our Veterans!”
April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am
F.A.Q.
Q: This is not supportive of veterans.
A. Huh? What?
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
will someone please shop some FS on that before the intactivists come back?
April 27, 2011 at 9:39 am
I don’t think “perfect” and “penis” go together – not even in the dictionary. (and anyway, this one is missing it’s foreskin, and was the model breast-fed? Inquiring minds want to know!)
April 27, 2011 at 9:50 am
Why don’t they go together? Maybe I’m just blessed by the fucking hand of God, but I’ve wrapped my lips around some goddamned masterpieces.
April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am
If you had God’s fucking hand, you would even need a dildo. In fact… new plan: I will make a dildo “casted” from God’s hand (see: Michaelangelo)and sell it to raise charity money for Focus on the Family (other suggestions are welcome.)
(I’m on the fast-track to Hell.)
April 27, 2011 at 1:39 pm
As long as the money’s going to Focus on the Family, count me in! Never to early to start holiday shopping- here ya go grandma, it’s not just a dildo- it’s art!
April 27, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I’ll tell you what my grandfather told me: “When you’re my age, you’ll know”
April 28, 2011 at 10:38 pm
No, no, they go together, “pretty” and “penis”, however, do not.
April 27, 2011 at 9:40 am
I use a dildo cast from the genitals of an uncircumcised NPR announcer. I guess I’m more of a dove.
April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am
Now if I ever win Carl Kasell’s voice on my home answering machine, it’s just going to feel like a bit of a let down.
April 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
I so want this to mean Ira Glass, but for obvious reasons I know it is not.
April 27, 2011 at 9:41 am
To be fair, it is a pretty nice penis. Kinda curious as to what the dildo’s made of, though, as she was so busy waxing euphoric over her boyfriend’s perfect dick that she forgot to describe the actual product…
April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am
I just sent a link to my friend. Their response ‘admittedly, it;s quite an attractive penis, but WHY?’
April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am
they probably used this: http://www.cloneawilly.com/
April 27, 2011 at 9:41 am
I like how it looks like it has the stamp of approval from the Marines.
April 27, 2011 at 11:36 am
Actually, as much as I love this product, the use of the USMC Seal without approval is illegal, for this very reason.
April 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm
*This very* reason? You mean they thought of THIS?
April 27, 2011 at 3:44 pm
They’re the fucking Marines. They’ve prepared for EVERYTHING.
April 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Perfect choice of words, driveby!
April 29, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Well you know, our second motto is ‘Semper Gumby’, so yeah, we’ve prepared for everything and adapted accordingly.
April 27, 2011 at 9:41 am
Wow, now you don’t have to be at war with us to get screwed by the Marines!
April 27, 2011 at 9:53 am
You don’t even have to be enlisted, either!
April 27, 2011 at 11:10 am
Is this more Bush-era “Shock and Awe Doctrine” shit?
Because it appears to be working.
April 27, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I think its more “Shocker and AWWW YEAH” for your bush.
April 27, 2011 at 4:26 pm
I think it’s called “Cock and Awe”.
April 28, 2011 at 3:35 am
I’m going to go with “Cock and Oww.”
April 27, 2011 at 9:42 am
Ugh – my oldest son is 6’4″ w/blonde hair — so now this actually is quite disturbing. Shame on her for alienating so many potential customers with these additional unnecessary descriptive details.
We’re woman – just put it in our hand and say it’s a big buff Marine’s penis of perfection and let us go from there! GEEZE!
April 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
Also, it should come in black, brown, yellow, and possibly neon green.
April 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
Uh, and by “come,” I mean “be sold in the colors”
April 27, 2011 at 1:11 pm
LOL. Oh, the mental images.
April 28, 2011 at 3:40 pm
If my ex had come in neon green, sex with him would have been a whole lot more entertaining.
April 27, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Amen! As soon as I saw it, I thought, “It can’t be perfect–it’s the wrong color!” Of course, I don’t want to think about who neone green is the “right” color for!
April 27, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Zombies and aliens?
April 27, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Of course, now that my mind’s gone there, I can’t get the image of the Twilight sparkle peen out of my head. Uff.
April 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm
And a special stars and stripes edition for those who want to wrap themselves AROUND the flag.
April 27, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Ooh! Glow in the dark Marine penis would sell like hotcocks.
April 27, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Dammit, you had to go and say that. My oldest son is also 6’4″ w/blond hair. I didn’t really think about it from that point of view UNTIL YOU BROUGHT IT UP. THANKS.
April 27, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Sorry! Mine also has blue eyes.
Because of this issue, I have decided that I would like one if I can get it hollow with a star shaped pee hole for cake decorating.
April 28, 2011 at 12:08 am
I would totally buy one of these!
April 28, 2011 at 12:10 am
OK, Qwerygirl, I just sprayed my keyboard with pop. Best comment yet.
April 27, 2011 at 9:43 am
Her shop name is “JuiciestJuice”.
That is all.
April 27, 2011 at 9:43 am
It’s a war on real penises everywhere.
April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am
Lol. I just saw that yesterday. I was going to post that in the forum, but forgot to…well I didn’t forget. I was boozed up.
I forgot how I found it. It was one of those “I am looking for Lego themed earrings.” then two hours later I am looking at handmade dildos.
And I see doll hands as well. But it does look nice.
April 27, 2011 at 10:05 am
You don’t think those hands belong to a son or daughter, do you? Here, honey, just hold Mommy’s special bedtime Daddy doll so I can post this on Etsy…
Doll hands would be a lot less disturbing.
April 27, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I don’t think it’s a doll or a child. I think it’s her hand. A rather bad case of nail-biting.
April 27, 2011 at 9:44 am
“What’s sexier than using a dildo casted from the penis of a rugged, 6’4, blonde hair, blue eyed U.S. Marine??? NOTHING!”
How about having sex with the ACTUAL rugged, 6’4, blonde hair, blue eyed U.S. marine?
“Yes, honey, I know you’re just back from a 15-month deployment to Afghanistan, but your dildo is so much sexier than you. Sorry.”
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
And of course the money that his penis has made her. Yeah, what have YOU done for me now? That’s what I thought, bitch. Step off.
April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am
If you can’t find a suitable foreskin maybe slap a chicken poncho on that thing *wishing I could photoshop*
April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am
If I wasn’t at work right now, I would photoshop away!
April 27, 2011 at 10:42 am
Put that bad boy in the 3-wolf monstrosity from yesterday.
April 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
Here ya go:
April 27, 2011 at 12:11 pm
congratulations. you just won the internet.
April 27, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Did someone say “chicken poncho?”
April 27, 2011 at 9:45 am
I wasn’t aware that there were penis connoisseurs out there. And I have to wonder if he approved this. I would be really pissed if my husband made a mold of my bajingo and sold it because “it was so perfect he had to share.” *barf*
April 27, 2011 at 9:58 am
He may be okay with this, but I have a feeling his commanding officer isn’t going to be too thrilled. I’d say it was a “career limiting move”.
Go Navy!
April 27, 2011 at 10:20 am
My Navy recruiters threw a shit fit when they found out I’d been doing pin-up modeling and burlesque dancing. I daresay they would’ve shat bricks if I’d have made a fuck-toy out of myself.
Besides, I’ll stick with my blue-eyed, dark-haired, 5’9″ sailor, whose penis is the perfect measurements for *me*. That jarhead monster is coming nowhere near my vagina.
April 27, 2011 at 11:23 am
My thoughts exactly…..biggest size ain’t the point, I’ve had too small, I’ve had too big. I’m Goldicocks. I’ve got JUST RIGHT now….hmm, maybe I should share with others??
April 27, 2011 at 12:25 pm
And that’s the real meaning of “Navy Relief”.
Way to go, shipmate!
April 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Ahahaha HA! Goldicocks! Thanks, I’ll be using that one!
April 28, 2011 at 10:40 am
“jarhead” indeed
April 28, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Yeah, sorry, I’m no good with even regular size; I gotta go slim or small. This jarhead wouldn’t be any fun for me.
April 27, 2011 at 9:46 am
I’m intrigued. I think I need to see a few pictures of the original, though, to compare the likeness.
April 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
Me too. In action.
April 27, 2011 at 3:33 pm
I wonder if his friend still has the pictures?
April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am
I do believe this is the physical embodiment of the phrase “TMI.”
April 27, 2011 at 10:57 am
Your monocled user picture is absolutely perfect in this situation.
April 27, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Monocle that monster schlong and it’s perfect plus some.
April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am
God bless the USA.
April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am
Time Life Entertainment brings you our newest item in the “Support the Troops” collection: a replica life-sized dildo, molded after one of our brave veterans. This dildo was hand-crafted of the finest rubber and is safe enough for all of your intimate orifices. The shaft is slightly curved for your pleasure. If you order one today, as a bonus gift, we’ll send you the commemorative Royal Wedding Cock Ring – your free gift just for purchasing today. Hurry – supplies are limited. Order today! Because if you don’t, the terrorists win.
April 27, 2011 at 10:00 am
But wait, there’s more! If you call within the next 314159 minutes, you will receive a pouch of our Hill Billy Bajingo wash, guaranteed to keep you fresh for your new Servicing Member!
April 27, 2011 at 10:15 am
If you call in the next 30 minutes, we’ll include an added bonus of ‘Glittering Eagle Tear Lube’, just pay shipping
(ps. you made my day)
April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am
It’s this or a pizza of the royal wedding duo, take your pick!
April 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
And it’s made in Germany. Germans make good shit.
April 27, 2011 at 12:51 pm
You watching? I can’t do this all day!
April 27, 2011 at 9:47 am
I had no idea that there was a market for military man dildos. To think all of the money I could have been making.
April 27, 2011 at 9:54 am
Think of all the spouses left at home during deployments. There is a HUGE market for this!
April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am
The Navy Exchange in Guam used to put out an entire end cap of “personal massagers” and related “electrical devices” before ship deployments.
Presumably there was an epidemic of backaches and stiff necks among the spouses. At least that’s what the chaplains thought.
April 27, 2011 at 10:51 am
Hmm, there’s a Suggestion Box at my BX/PX. I think I finally have something worthwhile to put in there!
April 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm
@Raen:
Heh heh, you said “box”.
Having worked for AAFES, I’m sure that some buyer is going to be showing that suggestion around the break room.
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
“His friend showed me a picture of my future boyfriend’s goods, and even then, I couldn’t find one bad thing to say.”
Wow, what a coincidence, I can’t find one bad thing to say, either! Actually, I can’t even find a good thing to say. The only words I’m able to form right now are variations on, “Whaah? Huh? Why? Waaah?”
Also why was his friend carrying a picture around anyway, does he keep it in his wallet or something?
April 27, 2011 at 9:49 am
I can honestly say I don’t carry around pictures of my friends genitals. Am I doing friendship wrong?
April 27, 2011 at 9:53 am
I’ll be your friend! Check your inbox. >.>
April 27, 2011 at 9:59 am
Will I be expected to send you pictures of my vagina? Because I’ve been scammed that way before.
April 27, 2011 at 11:00 am
Oh, I’ll check your inbox, if you know what I mean
April 27, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Cataloging your friends’ junk? That’s why they invented cell phone cams, so your wallet doesn’t get too heavy with all those pics!
April 27, 2011 at 11:20 am
I can imagine their conversation:
- You know, that guy, your friend who’s 6’4″ with blond hair? I hate him!
- Hey, don’t speak so quickly. You haven’s seen his junk yet, have you?
- Certainly not! I hate him!
- Wait a minute, let me get a picture from my wallet… Here you are! So, do you still hate him?
- …
Ah, the beautiful beginning of a great love story!
April 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Perhaps there’s some lesser known marine hazing/bonding ritual involving group cock photography (or “cocktography” for short)?
“See, here’s all of us standing around a table with our cocks on it. His is this one over here. Isn’t it cute?”
April 29, 2011 at 9:41 pm
When my best friend got married she asked the bridesmaids to wear silver sandals, so we have a picture of us standing in a circle with everyone’s foot in with similar but different shoes. *That* was cute. That was the sort of photo that you show people.
But then again, we weren’t marines.
April 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm
That is EXACTLY how it went.
April 27, 2011 at 2:39 pm
A girl in my class once had a picture on her phone of her friend’s vagina. Apparently, the friend needed her to do this to send it to her boyfriend (er…the friend’s boyfriend, not the girl in my class’s). While I still think that was a pretty weird thing to do, and a pretty weird photo to not delete right away, at least she didn’t go around showing me or anyone else those pictures. Who does that?
April 27, 2011 at 8:31 pm
It seems weird enough to even know that someone has a photo of a friend’s genitals on their phone – what’s the point of telling people that you have it if you’re NOT going to show it??
April 28, 2011 at 5:28 am
I don’t remember exactly why she decided to tell us this, but I think it was something along the line of “oops, almost sent/showed that!”
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
4. This penis is so perfect, it is literally the best chance we have at world peace. He whips it out whenever he’s in combat and immediately, enemy soldiers drop their weapons and praise the powers that be for blessing them with one glimpse at heaven.
Convo me with instructions on how to accept my Nobel Peace Prize!
April 27, 2011 at 9:59 am
I believe that would be a Nobel Piece Prize.
April 27, 2011 at 10:02 am
Piece O’ Prize Knob!
April 27, 2011 at 1:08 pm
But it’s a ~pretty~ penis, so does that make it a Knob-belle Piece?
April 27, 2011 at 2:13 pm
A Noball Piece?
April 27, 2011 at 2:40 pm
A prized piece.
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
It worries me how much this doesn’t worry me. After Zeta Toys et al, a lady selling a cast of her boyfriend’s penis just isn’t that much of a worry.
OTOH–what about all the Army-, Navy-, and Air Force-preferring ladies out there? Can you get some Hooah for your hoo-ha?
April 27, 2011 at 9:52 am
I love you.
April 27, 2011 at 10:24 am
Hey now, don’t leave out the Coast Guard!
April 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
I’ve seen some pretty hot border patrol agents, too. Does that count?
April 27, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I’d say we should include the Secret Service, but would that be counterfeiting?
April 27, 2011 at 11:55 pm
On 95% of any other website, “Zeta Toys” would be accompanied by “Don’t google that.”
I love Regretsy.
April 28, 2011 at 12:16 am
Yeah, I learned a long time ago not to google anything I don’t understand here. No disclaimer needed.
May 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm
You know when someone says not to do it you just HAVE to.
People who enjoy putting animal costumes on and performing sex acts just… can’t compute…
April 27, 2011 at 9:48 am
Nothing like bonding with someone else by showing them a picture of another friend’s goods. Interesting social practice.
April 27, 2011 at 9:49 am
This penis is so perfect that you will never want to remove it from your vajayjay! This penis will blind you with it’s glorious sheen if directly looked at! THIS PENIS WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU EXPLODE WITH ECSTASY!
April 27, 2011 at 11:21 am
So it’s better than Charlie Sheen???
April 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Have you been reading bad porn? People in bad porn are always ‘exploding with ectasy!’, and frankly, I’d think it’d be a right bugger to get all that blood and guts off the walls and out of the sheets.
April 27, 2011 at 9:49 am
5.25 inches in girth?
Owwwww
April 27, 2011 at 9:54 am
That confused me too. My bajingo cringed a little bit.
April 27, 2011 at 9:58 am
Oh duh, circumference, not diameter.
April 27, 2011 at 10:00 am
Me too. Me too.
April 27, 2011 at 9:59 am
Of course, i also immediately thought diameter and not circumference. Then I thought about it, and it made more sense.
April 27, 2011 at 10:18 am
Basically the size of an energy drink can.
April 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
It’s like an inch and a half in diameter.
April 27, 2011 at 11:08 am
Still too much. Ow.
April 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
No, it’s the perfect size for everyone. EVERYONE!
April 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
My boyfriend is close to 6′ in girth. Gotta start very slowly.
April 27, 2011 at 12:41 pm
SIX FEET?
April 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I call this problem “Spinal Tap-itis”
April 28, 2011 at 6:08 am
Yes, it’s 6 feet around. And by “feet” I meant “inches”.
April 28, 2011 at 6:17 am
I am afflicted with a disease known as “Nigel-itis”.
April 27, 2011 at 12:56 pm
DAYUM girl! How do you walk after that?
April 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Wait girth? How does HE walk?
Ok I’m done LOL
April 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm
this explains the pained eyeballz in your avatar.
April 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
(all of the six-foot jokes were taken)
That exists? ouch
Maybe it’s a proportion thing.
April 27, 2011 at 1:37 pm
April 29, 2011 at 9:44 pm
Math is not the only thing that is hard around here.
April 27, 2011 at 9:49 am
Damn, there’s only 1 available. I thoughtwith Mother’s Day coming up……
April 27, 2011 at 9:49 am
Personally I like tall, dark, and handsome so that pale penis really doesn’t do it for me. Sorry honey, I don’t think blond hair and blue eyes are the epitome of attractiveness, way for me to go against the grain!
April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am
If you lined up every man I got all funny for….they all tend to look alike, and I think we might have somewhat similar taste (possibly?).
Some version of Superman, really (Bill Campbell, Bruce Campbell, young Alec Baldwin, Chris Noth…Gabriel Byrne being a notable exception, with the coloring staying the same). I’m terribly conventional that way.
I know, I know…you were just waiting with halting breath for me to share my personal taste with you, because its all about me. And now, my work here is done.
April 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
Bruce!
April 27, 2011 at 11:04 am
“This is my boomstick!”
April 27, 2011 at 11:37 am
Insert dick joke here!
April 27, 2011 at 12:45 pm
I should also probably add that I am a member of the “Steve Buscemi Exception” club.
Not sure why I love him, but I do.
April 27, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Now I’ve got that scene from “History of the world part 1″ where Madeline Khan is inspecting her troops stuck in my head
April 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Yeth. Yeth. Yeth. No. Yeth. Yeth. No. Yeth. No…
April 28, 2011 at 6:51 am
Yes no no no yes no no no no no no …..wait a minute…..YEEEEEEES! OLE!
April 27, 2011 at 6:11 pm
There’s a reason the phrase is “tall, dark, and handsome.”
April 28, 2011 at 6:18 am
I’m not into tall blonds either. I like short and dark. Mmmm.
April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am
Curse Oprah for her introduction of the word vajayjay into the American vernacular. Oprah makes Marines cry.
April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am
I have never found penises to beautiful. Its more like something I enjoy for the experience rather than visual appeal. like cake. Inspect for mold and other defects? Yes. Worry about the beauty of it rather than try it out? U bet sara lees sweet ass I won’t.
April 27, 2011 at 10:03 am
hahahahaha, “inspect for mold and other defects”?
You are fantastic.
April 27, 2011 at 9:51 am
Urm, is it just be that thinks 6.5 inches isnt that big? Is the ‘average’ size in america smaller than over here or something? Ive seen better.
April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am
‘average’is between 5 and 7 inches, according to the things Read on the subject as a VERY curious fifteen year old.
But yeah. I’ve seen bigger. I’ve done better.
April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am
Someone should convo her about one “exactly like this” because it’s so perfect, only bigger. And maybe blacker.
April 27, 2011 at 10:46 am
Where is “over here”? I think several readers would be interested to know.
April 27, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Scotland
April 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Well sure, a penis is going to look bigger when it’s wearing a Tam o’ Shanter…
April 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm
For the record, I am planning on running away to Scotland. Find me a hot Scot to make wear a kilt. LE SWOON.
I was there for vacation in September and my DH was lucky I returned home.
April 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
See, I don’t get the obsession with length – exbf of mine was too long, couldn’t be all the way in without hitting the back of my throat, and I’m not talkin’ during a bj. WTF is fun about that??
April 27, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I’ve never gotten that either. Are many women fond of having sex while actually several inches away from their partner, so that no other body parts are touching?
April 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm
More length means more positions for the most part, the short guys can’t reach on some of the less mundane.
and theres always the cervix beating…
April 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I like a good cervix beating.
April 27, 2011 at 11:40 pm
This is possibly my favorite comment ever.
April 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Seriously. I remember hearing somewhere that the average vag is only 3-4″ deep. Wow… evolution fail?
April 27, 2011 at 9:52 am
I just don’t get it at all. If I want cock, I want the one I’m married to. If I just want to get off, it needs to vibrate.
April 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm
If i can’t have my man’s cock, it better vibrate, bring me coffee in bed, or be a clone of Michael Shanks.
April 27, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Ooh Michael Shanks fantasies…I miss SG-1.
April 27, 2011 at 9:54 am
If its true that penis size and foot size are proportional then although he has the ‘perfect’ penis, at 6’4″ and a mere 6.5″ he must have a hard time standing up without tipping.
April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am
I feel incredibly emasculated. And disturbed by the vivid description of what it’s like to use it.
April 27, 2011 at 9:55 am
Is it sad that the thing that bothers me most about this is that her Frequently Asked Question isn’t a question? Because that is killing me.
April 27, 2011 at 10:31 am
Me too, Julie. And I doubt even that particular statement is made “frequently.” Then again, the answer to the non-question also makes me wonder about all of her interactions with other humans. Maybe her entire existence revolves around images of her boyfriend’s penis.
April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am
This is a great option for ladies who can’t make surprise to husband because he is uncomfortable big.
April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am
I’m confused about the FAQ. The guy’s friend showed her a picture of his “goods” before they dated? Is that normal in the military?
April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am
Q: This is not a question!
A: Please play with my boyfriend’s penis. I don’t like him.
April 27, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Maybe it was really a Penis Matchmaker.
April 28, 2011 at 11:10 am
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
April 27, 2011 at 9:56 am
Like blonde hair and blue eyes mean jack shit if I’m looking at a penis.
April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am
Think of it as giving you “fantasy material,” I suppose.
April 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
OH GOD what if she’s lying? Is it too late to cancel my purchase?
April 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm
What if I prefer black hair and hazel eyes, or green-eyed gingers, or for that matter black men with inexplicably pink penises? She’d be completely ruining it.
April 28, 2011 at 11:20 am
As if blonde hair and blue eyes means a person is hot.
April 28, 2011 at 10:50 pm
That guy’s eyes have eaten my soul.
April 27, 2011 at 10:00 am
I like a handsome penis as much as the next girl, but I prefer it connected to the whole package. Cock qua cock is kind of boring. Give me the whole Marine, and maybe we can talk.
April 27, 2011 at 10:00 am
Knowing that this woman sells a handmade dildo now makes me very curious about the “white paint” in all of her other stuff for sale.
April 27, 2011 at 10:01 am
Sheesh, for that price (and I’m sure the shipping is pretty high too, didn’t go look) I can go to the local ‘bookstore’ and get one that actually does more then just look like a dick. And have money left over for the batteries!
Though the more I look at it, the more I think she might be a reseller…. I’m pretty sure I have seen that exact make and model on a website before. Not that anyone here would go looking on THOSE kids of websites to check, right? LOL
April 27, 2011 at 10:07 am
Nope – she’ll deploy this thing for free!
April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am
For FREE? Well then, by gods, I’ll have to get it!
Only not really. The real deal is so much better anyways, which is why I got married to begin with! So that I could have a conversation that isn’t one-sided afterwards!
April 27, 2011 at 11:05 am
Deploy, HA!
Very punny!
April 27, 2011 at 10:07 am
Oh for gods sake, theres 159 dildos to browse through.
I mean.. my friend tells me that theres 159 dildos to browse through.
April 27, 2011 at 10:12 am
I wouldn’t know. Regretsy is the closest I’ve ever come to Etsy in YEARS. A friend of mine from AntiCraft set up a shop there, and then got overrun with look-a-like shops and that made me decide to never go there. Regretsy gives me laughs while reinforcing my need to not go there!
April 27, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Are these the same friends who carry pix of your twat?
April 27, 2011 at 4:05 pm
If look at the work of Cynthia Plaster Caster, you’ll see that the (re)seller is not being truthful, unless her boyfriend was born without veins.
April 27, 2011 at 10:03 am
There is only one way to make this more patriotic… a sparkle “tear” on the tip.
April 27, 2011 at 10:04 am
Oh yeah, sure…make a cast of your bfs dick to sell to thousands of men and women who can’t click on the porn section of ebay.
I has a sad.
I also has a WTF??? but you probably guessed that.
April 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
holy fuck, ebay has PORN?? I, um have to go, browse for Bibles online now. Yeah, Bibles. Right.
April 27, 2011 at 10:05 am
I hate to be that girl, but 6.5 is actually kind of modest for my liking -_-
With that said, if this was actually done by a whole troop of ‘em 6’4″ rugged blond marines, with proceedings going to some appropriate charity, I’d bless the world I live in and buy a whole damn set.
(On second thought – not marines, army. Each box should say “This we’ll defend” underneath the picture of respective dickster holding his junk.)
April 27, 2011 at 10:28 am
Yeah I guess I’ve just had a string of good luck, ’cause I read that and scoffed a little. Let’s see at least a 7.
April 27, 2011 at 10:07 am
If she made in camouflage, glued a G.I.Joe gun to the shaft, AND dropped the price to $20…I’d buy it. I’d upcycle it into something classy, like a spare toilet paper roll holder.
April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am
Support Our Poops.
April 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Hey, yeah! How come there aren’t more camo dildoes anyway? Why does everything have to be fleshtone, pink, or translucent purple?
April 27, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I have been asking this for years. I’m so glad to know I’m not that the only one wondering.
April 27, 2011 at 10:08 am
That penis looks familiar…
April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am
Also, can we get her to give us proof that he is ACTUALLY a marine?
April 27, 2011 at 10:34 am
You don’t know him. He lives in another town. His name is, uh… Rrrrricky. Yeah, Ricky the fat-dicked Marine.
April 27, 2011 at 10:09 am
Personally, I’m a little worried about the “better pictures coming soon”.
April 27, 2011 at 10:10 am
I’m no connoisseur of silicone man steak, but if I had to venture a score for this particular penile implement, I’d give it a 8.9. Sure, it’s pretty, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or, in this case, it’s in the hand of the boneholder.
April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am
If it’s just in your hand, you’re doing it wrong.
April 27, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Not on the first date.
April 27, 2011 at 11:40 am
I want to know what the base looks like. Her doll hands are covering it up.
I’m thinking: rough, unfinished, and slightly icky.
April 27, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Ok… I read “I’m thinking: rough, unfinished, and slightly (st)icky.”
o_0
April 27, 2011 at 10:11 am
Is it sad I want to skip around my apartment singing “I’m bigger than a U.S. Marine!”???
April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am
Probably, but aren’t we all a sad and lonely bunch?
April 27, 2011 at 11:03 am
Pics of gtfo.
Whaaa? You know you were thinking it too!
April 27, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I am going to take it as you want pictures of a grown man skipping. Which if it takes my fancy I will oblige you later.
April 27, 2011 at 2:12 pm
I would absolutely go in for pictures of a grown man skipping. May I recommend listing them with April’s Army? You can charge extra if you frolic with a basket, and charge double-extra if you frolic with a basket full of inadequate Marine dildos.
April 27, 2011 at 3:26 pm
tiny giraffe, I would buy three of those.
April 27, 2011 at 11:07 am
It’s not true until it’s been proven.
April 27, 2011 at 11:30 am
My girlfriend woke up and we had the following convo:
Me: I am bigger than a 6’4″ Marine.
Her: No you aren’t, he’s got two inches on you.
Me: *gestering a la a Barker’s Beauty to crotchal region* Actually, quite the opposite.
Her: *rolls eyes* You’re retarded.
April 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm
I can’t page back on this entry because I attracted the kiddies attention by laughing at your note, Bronswirlz13. Now they want to know what I’m reading. Nothing….nothing at all…
April 27, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Pics or it never happened.
April 27, 2011 at 10:12 am
I’m curious if it’s packaged with a picture of the Marine. Put it on a manllow and you’re all set for a hot night with someone else’s boyfriend.
April 27, 2011 at 11:31 am
But you can still tie a yellow ribbon around it, right?
April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am
I really don’t know what to say except I am pining for a glass jar with something dead in it – ANYthing but this!
Thank my lucky stars I’m latex intolerant!
Let’s start lobbying for an entire FP of this stuff — it’s the right Etsy-fave-color!
April 27, 2011 at 10:13 am
The day you can’t say “vagina” is the day the terrorists win.
April 27, 2011 at 10:14 am
I am seriously impressed that she had the balls to put the U.S. Marine’s logo on for lack of “better pictures” that are apparently “coming soon.”
With balls like that, she should a)join the marines herself and b) put a pair on her dildo.
April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am
Oh dear…
April 27, 2011 at 10:54 am
Oh, dear is right. Oh well, fuck it with a big Marine dildo.
April 27, 2011 at 11:07 pm
His penis is perfect*. His balls? Just okay.
*she said it, not me
April 27, 2011 at 10:16 am
…well hell, here I went and married a Marine to get one of these. I had no idea I could just buy one!
At least I can take consolation in that mine’s bigger.
April 27, 2011 at 10:19 am
“Vagina” is boring and clinical, “Vulva” is prissy, “Lady Parts” is vaguely descriptive, “Bajingo” sounds like a musical instrument, and “Bearded Clam” is hilarious…
But “Vajayjay”??? That word makes me want to grab the Cosmo out of this seller’s hand and smack her with it.
April 27, 2011 at 10:22 am
What is the male equivalent?
Paneenee?
April 27, 2011 at 10:29 am
I believe that is a delicious grilled sandwich.
Which you have effectively ruined for me forever.
April 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Come on, it’s really tasty with a side of freedom fries.
April 27, 2011 at 1:43 pm
mayo on the fries…
April 27, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I will never look at an ad for a “panini grill/press” the same way again. Eep.
April 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Paneenee Bread is the place with the pastries and free wi-fi, right?
April 30, 2011 at 7:59 am
Paneenee Bread is the place with all the *pasties and free wi-fi, yes.
April 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
I’d still rather hear that than “Cooter”.
April 27, 2011 at 11:40 am
Dammit, my dumb comment just ruined the funny of this particular subthread. DELETE! DELETE!
April 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
Cooter is slang for them lady parts? 0_o
Boy howdy, that puts a WHOLE new spin on the Dukes of Hazzard’s favorite grease monkey.
April 27, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Cooter was also a Congressman.
(As was Gopher, but that’s a story for a Chinese reseller discussion)
April 27, 2011 at 1:11 pm
And nothing sells a sex toy better than a juvenile euphemism, right?
April 27, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I like “naughty bits” personally.
April 27, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Monty Python FTW !
April 27, 2011 at 10:21 am
“What’s sexier than a dildo cast from the penis of a rugged, 6’4, blonde hair, blue eyed U.S. Marine?”
Well, only because you asked:
*A human being with an actual real penis attached to him
*That model with the tunic… awww yeah….
*Hunky men in women’s underwear. Don’t judge me.
*Almost anything
April 27, 2011 at 10:28 am
Should we notifiy the tunic seller there may be a market for dildoes modeled after her husband’s penis?
Oh God, I feel so damned CREEPY now. This whole thing is creepy. Does her boyfriend know she’s offering his part of parts for sale to complete strangers on fucking Etsy?
April 27, 2011 at 7:45 pm
I’m twelve. I can’t stop giggling at the images brought to mind by “fucking Etsy.”
April 27, 2011 at 10:30 am
I like guys in makeup. No judgement here.
April 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Men in women’s apparel, and/or women in well-cut suits (or biker gear, or construction-worker flannel, or just boxers), are fucking delightful. I love me some sexy sexy contrasts. *hifives*
April 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
All this time I’ve been thinking I was the only one glad there are straight crossdressers.
May 5, 2011 at 1:24 am
Oh my, yesss…
April 27, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Mmmmmmm, “Hunky men in women’s underwear”
*drool*
April 27, 2011 at 6:36 pm
*sniff* I’ve found my people…
:*^)
I blame Adam Ant for my love of good looking men in womens attire.
April 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Regretsy: bringing genderbending admirers together…
Sign me up!
April 27, 2011 at 10:23 am
My geeky girlfriend’s vag is worth money! Now where did I see that mould a vagina kit… Support the geeks!
April 27, 2011 at 10:38 am
Well, the fact that there is a living! breathing! geek-girl somewhere out there… and Your Average Buyer might actually have sex! with her vagina!.. you might be onto something here
Added bonus if you make it in bluish and market it as Draeneigina. Just sayin’.
April 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
Make it grey, and market it as a robogina, and I can think of at least two buyers I could send your way. (One of them would be me, buying it to weird people out with.)
April 27, 2011 at 10:24 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 10:26 am
Bah, the cast we made of my ex’s dick would put that to shame. Shit, did I just say that outloud? Look away, current boyfriend!
April 27, 2011 at 10:35 am
I can’t wait for etsy douchebags to turn this on you. “Well GOD. YOU MUST HATE AMERICA. ETSY DOESN’T HATE AMERICA!!!!!”
April 27, 2011 at 11:14 am
Fuck America, literally!
April 27, 2011 at 10:36 am
April 27, 2011 at 11:53 am
Thank you… But could you cover up the child’s hand that is holding Vera’s Wang?
April 29, 2011 at 8:13 pm
ruh-roh…photobucket banned my account so you will have to imagine a wool scarf-let lovingly and skillfully* photoshopped onto the end of Capt. America’s pretty pee-pee.
*by skillfully I mean sloppily, in haste and without regard to any of the finer points of photoshoppery.
April 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
So…my first thought upon looking at this was “Finally! Something I can use to convince my husband that he has a nice dick!!”
I think I have a problem.
April 27, 2011 at 10:45 am
Run that up the flagpole and see who salutes it.
April 27, 2011 at 11:15 am
Salute Your Shorts?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salute_Your_Shorts
April 27, 2011 at 10:48 am
I prefer a penis in a snood.
April 27, 2011 at 10:49 am
Did I miss the part where she stated “This is new, unused, and does not have my cooter residue on it?” Cause that’s all I can think about.
Maybe it’s there, and I missed it because I was staring at it, looking for blue veins.
April 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
I’m glad it’s the perfect size for any vajayjay. It’s one-size-fits-all. Because there aren’t any women out there with smaller OR larger vaginas. We are all exactly the same as this seller. Her preferences are universal.
April 27, 2011 at 11:28 am
At least she didn’t say it was for “deeper pussy’d” women.
April 27, 2011 at 10:53 am
I’m suddenly using too many exclamation points in my typing today, and I realized it’s all because of this post. The exclamation point is the fully erect wang of the keyboard.
I think that makes this the vagina: #
April 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
I thought that was parentheses? ({*}) …Shit, I’ve got the asterclit but I can’t figure out how to illustrate a vagina in text.
April 27, 2011 at 11:32 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
Damn, disregard… that’s what you get for trying to be a smartass without your glasses on. Vote me down on principle *heavy sigh*
April 27, 2011 at 11:58 am
Hm. Maybe like so?
({;})
Asterclit is smaller and it’s not quite as gaping as I’d want, but the general idea is there
April 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Ahahahahaha yes! It’s perfect <3
April 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Ah, yes, the extended (ha!) version.
ε==D
April 28, 2011 at 11:00 pm
(_)):::D … Looked better on IRC, back in the day. I don’t remember why we were drawing text dicks.
April 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I thought it was ({*})
but I’m a male, what do I know?
April 27, 2011 at 10:56 am
6.5 is ABOVE average? And he’s HOW tall!?
Perhaps I need more experience (I’ve had 1 boyfriend for 10+ years). . . but I think this lady be lying to herself and her b/f.
April 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Yeah… 6.5″ is nothing really special. I’d tell you about my 6’2″ boyfriend’s dingle, but then I would just sound braggy.
April 27, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I believe 5″ is considered average. Which is sad really. But too skinny is by far worse than too short.
April 27, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Yea, 6.5 seems… small. I was thinking I was just terribly spoiled though.
April 27, 2011 at 11:11 am
Now, you’ve got to wonder… what happens if a man buys this for himself? Will her boyfriend get looked down upon for having his dick in so many asses?
April 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073
April 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
You just made me want to move to the Congo.
April 27, 2011 at 5:37 pm
I second that. Should we share an apartment to make our cost of living cheaper?
April 28, 2011 at 12:47 am
What else do you plan to share? boyfriends? dildos? or ???
April 27, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I love that the “smaller” countries are shown in red, like the threat level for small penises is off the charts.
April 27, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Red = STOP
Green = Cum on
April 27, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Awesome. I now have an even better reason to tell people when they ask me why I married my Frenchman instead of a good old American boy.
April 27, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Pardon the phrase, but I suspect those figures were pulled from someone’s ass.
(And I’m not saying it out of jealousy. I’m French.)
April 28, 2011 at 4:14 pm
I just about had a heart attack when I looked at that dick map and realized the measurements I was reading were in centimeters not inches.
April 27, 2011 at 11:13 am
I actually know a girl who used a kit to cast her husband’s penis for times when he was on deployment. I think she stopped short of selling the final product, however. I hope.
I admit, I find it a bit odd. My boyfriend is often away for long periods while doing fieldwork and I simply wouldn’t find this appealing. Maybe because a substitute of the real thing just isn’t the same. It’s like a reminder of what you’re missing without all the individuality that actually makes it worth lusting over.
Don’t get me wrong, I like some weird shit, this idea just doesn’t do anything for me.
April 27, 2011 at 11:38 am
I’m rowing with ya….my hubs travels a lot for work. I’m fine with a vibrating egg or whatnot, I don’t need to try to replicate his cock. It wouldn’t ever be the same.
Now, a USB net-cock that we could video chat and use? And he’d control, from wherever he and his laptop are?
Hmmm…..business idea!
April 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
They actually make those! Except they’re all either really low end novelty junk or wildly expensive futurist looking systems that seem to be marketing the design and packaging more than the actual features…
The low end ones don’t look like they’d be worth purchasing and the higher end models are just way too expensive and don’t have many customer reviews. I also think it’s a fantastic idea, but I don’t feel comfortable investing in something that doesn’t have any feedback and can’t be returned if I’m unhappy with it.
Someone needs to set up and make a nice midrange model for the rest of us.
April 27, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Think about the uses. You could create a whole world of online “play.”
April 27, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Well, those remote-control vibes already exist, it’s just a logical next step.
April 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm
I saw something like that and considered one for when hubby went away for his work, but he made an interesting point. For everything that exists that accessible by the Internet, he said, there’s a way to hack it.
He doesn’t want my “vajayjay” to get haXXored.
April 27, 2011 at 11:39 pm
I’m sorry, but the thought of having a vibrator hacked is pretty funny to me.
April 27, 2011 at 11:20 am
How the fuck does this support the troops?
April 27, 2011 at 11:24 am
I was getting ready to eat the last bite of my breakfast when I opened Regretsy, and just sort of froze with it stuck between my teeth as I tried to figure out what the shit was going on. This post is a whole new level of “You sold WHAT on the internet?!”, and for that I can never forgive you. Forgive, repay, it’s all the same anyways…
In return, here is something even worse!
April 27, 2011 at 11:25 am
Woohoo, comment 88! WE NEED MOAR JIGGAWATTS
April 27, 2011 at 11:33 am
I know what I’m asking Santa for next year!
April 27, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Your user name is so apropos.
April 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Those are fantastic! I’d “accidentally” leave one laying around when guests were over.
April 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Cough *wants the cthulhu one* cough.
April 27, 2011 at 6:44 pm
As do I. Not that I’d use it-I’d just leave it sitting around the house to freak out my sons.
April 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Okay, as art objects they’re rather fun, but I can’t help but think about how much work it would take to clean them if used!
April 27, 2011 at 11:40 pm
As long as they’re dishwasher safe, it shouldn’t be a problem…
April 28, 2011 at 3:11 am
I can just envision washing it in the dishwasher, forgetting to unload the dishwasher, & trying to explain to my mother why I’ve got horror movie-themed dildos in amongst the dishes. (Hey, I’m not wasting all that water to wash a dildo or two.) I really want the xenomorph one on the left, but according to the site that sells them, they’re $245 fucking dollars.
April 29, 2011 at 6:54 pm
The look on the hubby’s face was so worth seeing the husband’s face for.
April 29, 2011 at 6:56 pm
err, worth seeing THIS for.
April 27, 2011 at 11:29 am
I need to see a picture of the real thing next to it, otherwise I’m going to assume she’s just repackaging (so to speak) mass market dildoes.
April 27, 2011 at 11:41 am
Damn, that is one pretty penis. But WHY did she have to share so much personal info? TMI! If I’m getting off with that lovely beauty I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on this girl with her boyfriend – or worse yet, having a threesome with two people who aren’t even there…
April 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm
You’re right. That sounds very disappointing.
April 27, 2011 at 11:47 am
Sorry seller, now it’s perfect.
April 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm
he looks so … dismayed.
April 27, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Thank you so, so much. I needed a sniggiggle right now.
April 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm
oops, you forgot the monocle. And the ironic moustache.
April 27, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I think you just won the internet with that.
April 27, 2011 at 2:51 pm
He needs a ball gag or a “handmade” gimp mask.
Or a mustache.
April 27, 2011 at 5:34 pm
The eyes definitely lend a “Je ne sais quoi”! I’d strongly recommend the upgrade.
April 27, 2011 at 11:50 am
I’m afraid I’d need a signed Certificate of Authenticity before I considered this.
I was so disappointed when the Franklin Mint’s Commemorative Wangs of the Founding Fathers gift set turned out to be a bunch of inflatable.condoms with tiny powdered wigs on top.
I… I’m just not sure I’m ready to trust again.
April 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
OK…haven’t laughed this much in a long time!
And to think that about a week and a half ago people were in an uproar about the exploitation about someone selling toys next to her boobs!!
What would have made this ad perfect is having it cum in Small, Medium, Large and Marine!
April 27, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Well we’ve had breastfeeding and circumcision issues to deal with since then. Onward!
April 27, 2011 at 11:59 am
I haven’t read the 247 responses above mine, but has anyone suggested we all chip in, buy 100 of them, and send them to the guys in his unit? Units for the unit, you know. I think they would be delighted.
April 27, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Apparently he has the kind of friends who carry around photos of his junk in their wallet. He probably handed these out to his unit already.
April 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm
April 27, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I admire the reverence in his gaze.
April 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
‘Oh, thank you Pagan Santa! It’s just what I wanted!’
April 27, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Is that a cockring dangling from his belt?
April 27, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Unless that dude is tiny, that’s WAY bigger than 6.5, and certainly something to brag about!
April 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm
This needs to be in the Photoshopped one, where his hair is all flowy!
April 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I’ve had some pretty weird pillow talk before (one time we even talked about Wolverine from X-Men), but I look like an amateur compared to the woman who asks, “Hey honey, can I cast your penis and sell dildo replicas of it to crafters on Etsy?”.
April 27, 2011 at 1:50 pm
“So, Wolverine from the X-men. Would you do him?”
“Yep.”
“Yeah, me too.”
April 27, 2011 at 3:37 pm
That’s weird for pillow talk?
I must be doing it wrong.
April 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm
We have an ongoing bet to see who will mention Dungeons and Dragons first after sex. Record is him, less than a minute.
Still not quite as weird as marketing a snowboard instructor/climber/pastry cook’s dildo.
April 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Sir, I salute you!! And I know what I want to wave at the next Memorial/Veteran’s Day parade.
However, please tell your horny honey that not only do loose lips sink ships but they also spew WAY TMI. You do realize that you are going to have to look your friends in the face (you hope) after they have read that drivel?
April 27, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Wrote a song about it! Like to hear it? Here it goes.
April 27, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I have to wonder what the “better images coming soon” will look like…
April 27, 2011 at 12:26 pm
The Marine in action perhaps?
April 27, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Why would you want other people in the world to have sex with your husband’s dick?
April 27, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Additionally…How the hell did she get him to agree to do a penis model for her to make this? “Here, honey, once you have a hard on I need you to dunk it in the plaster of paris. I’ll lick it off later.”
April 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm
April, can we see it on a fascinator?
April 27, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Holy shit! I run to USMC cadence calls. Gives totally new meaning to:
Mama and Papa were laying in bed.
Mama rolled over, this is what she said…
Ah, gimme some…
Ah, gimme some…
P.T….
P.T….
Good for you!
And good for me!
Mmm, good.
o.0
April 29, 2011 at 7:00 pm
That brings back memories…
April 27, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Sooo, did she like created a mold of her boyfriends erected penis with hot wax something?
Poor guy.
April 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Before I joined the Navy in 19-nom-nom, I stopped by the Marine recruiter in the next office. In order to show me how tough the Marines were, he whipped out his tadpole bazooka.
He had a tat of a housefly on the shaft.
How much Jack Daniels does THAT require?
April 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Thumbs-up for the phrase ‘tadpole bazooka’.
April 27, 2011 at 2:33 pm
A housefly? That’s the artistic statement he wanted to make when going through the excruciating pain of getting needles jabbed into his penis? What does that say?
“Hey, ladies, I’m as appealing as a trash barrel or a dead body.”
“If you are impressed with the fly, you should see my crabs.”
“I like to be swatted.”
???
April 27, 2011 at 5:23 pm
There are many reasons I joined the Navy although my dad was a Marine. That fly was several of them.
April 27, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Oh, tie a purple penis ’round the old oak tree!
Everybody sing!
April 27, 2011 at 12:54 pm
You know, if it’s not gonna take me out to dinner and give my boobs a good squeeze, it’s got to at least vibrate.
April 27, 2011 at 12:54 pm
So, uh…I might just buy this.
April 27, 2011 at 1:09 pm
With or without the googly eyes?
April 27, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I’m afraid that without a side by side comparison of the actual model, I might be getting a fraud, so no sale.
April 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Is it awful that when she said it was 6.5, I thought that’s all?
April 27, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Tough room!
April 27, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Shit, that’s what I was thinking. Sheesh.
April 27, 2011 at 1:36 pm
But it’s followed up with a 5.25 girth. That’s not too shabby…
April 27, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Eating lunch, cruising the net, click on Regretsy… then turn my back because someone walked into my cube.
Big mistake.
Defintely worth it though.
April 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm
See, I wanna Photoshop all the lovely suggestions people have been throwing out. But the thing is, I would have to actually save those pictures on my computer in order to upload them. And I just can’t face the possibility of explaining to some Mac employee why I have a picture of a dildo in dress blues on my computer.
April 27, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Since she has a FAQ section, I just convoed her to ask if her boyfriend would have a problem with a gay guy buying it and using it.
April 28, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Please let us know if she responds.
April 27, 2011 at 1:29 pm
This reminds me of this guy named Bobby Garcia profiled in John Waters’ book Role Models. His life’s work is to entice Marines to let him give them blowjobs on video. Talk about supporting our troops!
April 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm
My bajingo is all over this bandwagon of making a Regretsy account just so I can echo lustful praise for this magical meat. Which, I should say, would go smashingly with my Commemorative Vibrating Royal Wedding Ring.
April 27, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Alright, how many of you favorited this today?
April 27, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
I mean it.
DON’T CHRISTING TELL. I KNOW TOO MUCH ALREADY
April 27, 2011 at 2:03 pm
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH
April 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 27, 2011 at 2:23 pm
“JESUS CHRIST WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JUST PUTTING A GOD DAMNED RIBBON ON YOUR CAR”
I’d prefer a dildo. Although I’d still not be entirely comfortable with having a dildo casted after someone who’s not my boyfriend. And I’m pretty sure my boyfriend wouldn’t like it.
April 27, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Oh, this is supposed to go on your CAR? I completely misunderstood.
April 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm
It’s my new stick shift!
April 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm
When my ex was teaching me to drive a standard, he told me “It’s easier to just get in the habit of resting your hand on the knob than to reach for it every time you need it.”
I now understand how completely I misunderstood him.
April 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm
I don’t want a dildo on my car. The neighbors will talk! Again!
April 29, 2011 at 10:08 pm
Just the thing to go with the truck balls. I have the damedest time accessorizing them…
(As a fan of The Three Amigos, I can’t help but think of the joke about the mail/male plane every time I encounter truck balls.)
April 27, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Its it wrong that as soon as I read the description of who’s dick it was, I instantly thought that it was Captain America?
April 27, 2011 at 2:50 pm
If it’s wrong, I don’t ever want to be right.
April 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Agreed.
April 27, 2011 at 10:45 pm
No, Captain America’s has stripes and stars. And The Hulk’s is green, and Superman’s emits laser beams, and Spiderman’s shoots a sticky subst…. ok, ok, I’ll stop.
April 27, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I wonder if I could get one in ‘Naval officer’ instead?
April 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm
You want one that doesn’t actually work?
April 28, 2011 at 3:03 am
Does the naval officer want one in them?
April 27, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Did I just hear the vulva bowl crack?
April 27, 2011 at 2:54 pm
I want mine autographed.
April 27, 2011 at 3:00 pm
The other day my boyfriend (who is a Marine) was telling me how a bunch of his Marine friends did this for their girlfriends while they away. I am still waiting on one from him before he delpoys
lol
April 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm
I… apparently had some free time? I found a really similar dildo, 6.5″ by 1.5″ for only like, $20, so even though this one totally has an awesome back story, I think you could save a few bucks and get one you *know* has never been used before. Because, honestly, “what are the odds it’s been used” is the first thing that pops into my head whenever I see a sex toy on Etsy.
April 27, 2011 at 3:59 pm
…and you’re not going to share?
April 27, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Eeww, I’ll never purchase a sex toy online again! oops, did I say “again”?
April 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
There is something desperately wrong with me, because all I can think about is that I want a grapefruit-flavored popsicle and not a Marine’s penis inside of me. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!
April 27, 2011 at 3:40 pm
What if I don’t want the penis of so cliched an ideal man?
April 28, 2011 at 9:16 am
You’ll have to go find a non-cliched ideal man and make a cast of HIS penis.
Or just ask if you can use his real one, I s’pose.
April 27, 2011 at 3:43 pm
What if I’d rather have a cast of a dark-haired, dark-eyed conscientious objector?
This post has made it clear to me that I need to get out more.
April 27, 2011 at 3:56 pm
That would be my preference as well, C&D. Dark haired, green eyed pacifist. When you opt for “Make Love, Not War” you don’t have to rely on the silicone substitute.
April 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm
That’s so un-American! Why don’t you add “dark skin” to complete the picture? No yellow ribbon cockring for you!
April 27, 2011 at 4:19 pm
JESUS CHRIST WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JUST PUTTING A GOD DAMNED RIBBON ON YOUR CAR
Now you have to tie a ribbon to a soldier’s cock! Obviously!
April 28, 2011 at 3:06 am
If you catch one and hold him down, I’ll be happy to tie the ribbon.
April 28, 2011 at 7:55 pm
So basically we need to find a field o’ soldiers roaming free? Ohhhhhh, so THAT’S the meaning behind Soldier Field? It was really once a field of free range military men? :-p
April 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm
EXACTLY. LET’S GET ON THIS.
April 27, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Yay! I sent this in! I may have to print it out and frame it with the submission email.
I’m so proud. *cry*
April 28, 2011 at 12:21 pm
I sent it in too!! Great minds……. search for marine dildoes….. ahem!
April 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm
It must be horribly sad that its the best dildo I’ve seen in a long while!
April 27, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Has anyone commented on the fact that her boyfriend’s “friend” showed her a picture of her boyfriends dick four years prior to going out with him? If one of my guy friends tried to show me a photo of another dude’s dick, I’d be very wary of that friend…
April 27, 2011 at 5:37 pm
My boyfriend’s in the Coast Guard, and his is bigger. IN YOUR FACE, U.S. MARINES!
April 27, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Holy crap, I completely forgot Coast Guard… and if Semper Paratus isn’t THE perfect name for a line of dildos, I don’t know what is ^^
Perchance Mr. TurkeyVulture would like to make some small profit on the side?
May 9, 2011 at 7:56 am
I hear their unofficial motto is “Semper paratus, someone forgot us.”
I tried to convince him to do this before he deployed, but the whole idea freaked him out. For some reason he is opposed to sticking his erect penis into a cannister of wet latex. I told him about this Regretsy feature and he said, “Marines will stick it in anything, god bless ‘em.”
April 27, 2011 at 6:03 pm
I don’t know, I think it could be a little like a banana split. It looks great and very tempting but after it’s all inside, I’d feel very full and somewhat uncomfortable. But then, I’m an old lady and I can’t hold as much as I did in the past.
April 28, 2011 at 6:37 am
Best. Analogy. EVER.
April 28, 2011 at 8:31 am
Banana Split sounds like the scariest name for a dildo ever.
April 27, 2011 at 6:25 pm
The marines: First in, Last out.
April 27, 2011 at 6:54 pm
I dont know — I am confused by the child hand holding the dildo, but then again the girth is quite suitable for myself – except it doesn’t have a vibrate function and its made by a stranger in Boca Raton!
April 27, 2011 at 7:35 pm
finally we have an entry for sex toys that will not send you to the ER
April 27, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Silly. You just put them in the dishwasher.
April 27, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Okay, that’s not where I wanted that.
April 29, 2011 at 10:12 pm
It has been 48 hours, and no one has yet commented “That’s what she said?”
April 28, 2011 at 2:49 am
I’d do this, only while wearing these:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/35472019/christmas-light-bulb-and-bells-in-gold
I didn’t see christmas lights to be honest.
April 28, 2011 at 3:02 am
Ok, so she hated his guts, but what changed her mind about hating him so much was a picture of his junk? and it was so “pretty” she had to share it with the world? WTF? BTW, how pathetic is it that I feel validated that something I submitted finally showed up here?
April 28, 2011 at 5:08 am
It’s one of those simple pleasures that make life worthwhile.
Besides, that’s almost 500 dick jokes within 24 hours, all because of your submission. Quite the accomplishment!
April 28, 2011 at 8:51 am
Well, it is a nice one, as penises go, I suppose. But I’d rather hit up my BF. His isn’t quite as nice, but at least he’s attached to it.
April 28, 2011 at 11:29 am
well, someday soon she will offer a “send in your boyfriend and/or his penis for an OOAK casting” service.
April 28, 2011 at 11:28 am
wow this site is like a ripley’s believe it or not of stupid. it shall be remembered and a museum erected and hopefully, we will all be better for it.
April 28, 2011 at 5:44 pm
heh heh you said ERRECted
April 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I’ll tie a yellow ribbon ’round that!! GOTTDAYUM.
April 28, 2011 at 11:13 pm
I’m just wondering why his physical description is necessary and how she molded a dildo so similar to her bfs dick without hurting him
April 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Fanfic + Clone-a-willy kit. Welcome to the internet.
April 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 29, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Wait… I TOLD the husband he had to tell me when he had an affair. Dammit, this is not the way i want to find out.
Yes, he’s 6′. Yes he’s blonde haired, blue eyed and yes, we were both Marines.
You do the math. I’m off to find the ‘other woman’ with my USMC NCO sword…
May 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Mm, I’m suddenly craving a banana.
May 3, 2011 at 7:28 pm
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July 4, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Did anyone else notice that “You only think it’s amazing because you love him!!!” isn’t really a question?
August 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Yes, its purdy, but am I the only one who looked at that and cringed at the size? I’d be scurred.