No Head For You!
Oh, I get it! It’s better than a real woman because it doesn’t have a head and can’t talk! Really funny shit. Well you know what? I might have a head, but at least my vagina’s big enough to keep the remote in.
Perhaps I’ve said too much.
April 23, 2011 at 9:35 am
/facepalm
April 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Comment of the day!
April 23, 2011 at 1:03 pm
My gut reaction to this was to want to cry.
April 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
easter themed commenting, i like it
April 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm
This is so insanely, irreverently funny I almost wet myself a bit….
April 23, 2011 at 9:35 am
Just imagining the nightmares this would cause if I displayed it in my house…
April 23, 2011 at 9:39 am
Happy Easter to my husband!!
April 23, 2011 at 11:46 am
It’d certainly make an interesting easter egg hiding spot.
April 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm
you have to beat me to it. umm maybe beat isn’t the right word.
April 23, 2011 at 9:40 am
Now I wanna make an “I fuck pillows” tee shirt for someone.
April 23, 2011 at 11:02 am
Hey, label it as “upcycled streampunk” and you could probably make a killing off of it!
April 23, 2011 at 11:36 am
Better yet, make an “I fuck pillows” decorative pillow!
April 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm
with the O in pillows as a hole
April 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm
with the “I” a big dick
April 23, 2011 at 9:40 am
I have so many questions…why is her vagina near her belly button? Why do her legs and feet look broken/disfigured? Is the creator of this monstrosity single and lonely? Is the vagina lubricated or does it allow lube to be used? Who the fuck would buy this????
April 23, 2011 at 9:42 am
And what is wrong with her ribcage?
April 23, 2011 at 9:45 am
Confused? You won’t be, after tonight’s episode of Soap.
No, actually, this is even weirder than Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.
April 23, 2011 at 10:00 am
I had the same questions along with Can the vagina be washed and sanitized?
April 23, 2011 at 10:40 am
washed and sanitized!!! LOL. I say let the bastard wallow in his own crusty spooge. Maybe it will inspire him to craft a disposable version of a headless armless tits and twat pillow with disjointed legs, and he can find some purpose for his pathetic twisted life. Disfuckingusting.
April 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
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April 23, 2011 at 5:39 pm
HOW DARE YOU!!!
April 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Oh god, followed the link… says not for use, only for novelty. Who would shell out 169 for a fuck toy they can’t even use?
April 23, 2011 at 8:57 pm
This one can!“She’s warm, she’s tight, and she NEVER says no!”
Only $299. This one doesn’t have a head either (or arms or legs) but at least you can fuck it. Check out the super-creepy description, too.
Or, if you just want the boobs,“This is as real as it gets, super real …….”
On sale now, only $349!
April 23, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Damned nesting. I was replying to MyEyesMyEyes.
April 23, 2011 at 10:38 am
May we add “did the creator give it a trial run?” to the list of questions, because that one is burning me–though not in unmentionable places as it might if the answer is ‘yes’
April 23, 2011 at 11:04 am
Maybe he’s single and lonely because all of his potential girlfriends are scared off by this monstrosity!
April 23, 2011 at 11:09 am
No…wait, I stand corrected. I read the seller’s profile and apparently she made stuff like this to comfort her boyfriend while she was traveling…that way he wouldn’t be lonely in bed while she was gone.
Am I the only one who is more than minorly disturbed by this?
April 23, 2011 at 11:18 am
Well hey, Realdolls are expensive, and headless, armless, naveltwatted special orders probably even more so.
If this is meant to remind him of her, though, I wonder if she gets stared at a lot while traveling. And hope she doesn’t drive.
April 23, 2011 at 11:55 am
no. you’re not alone.
all snark aside, i’m deeply offended by this -let’s call it what it is – disgusting piece of mysogyny and don’t think it should be allowed on etsy anymore than skinhead nazi or anti-gay paraphenalia would be.
April 23, 2011 at 12:06 pm
That’s what her boyfriend has a hand (and maybe some lube) for!!!
Also, after reading that I think my face is permanently stuck in a O_o position.
April 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
No. You’re probably not as disturbed as her boyfriend.
Although, supposedly that thing is made in her likeness, so maybe he likes it, but I wonder how she made it, having no arms.
And I don’t think this thing is misogynistic. Quite the opposite, she’s made us way more efficient. As a babymaker, I’d love it if my bf could skip the whole pesky vagina thing and just plop his baby batter straight into my oven.
April 23, 2011 at 6:12 pm
I do love how the seller completely panders to the lowest sort of dysfunctional human in an attempt to make a sale.
“She wont TALK OR TAKE YOUR MONEY!”
I don’t hate my gender! Really! I am just greedy as fuck!
April 23, 2011 at 9:42 am
As shitty as this is, it does make me feel better about my thighs.
April 23, 2011 at 9:42 am
Someone needs to retake their Human Anatomy class, stat.
Anatomically correct my ass.
April 23, 2011 at 10:08 am
It is kind of anatomically correct if the “red pocket” represents a hysterectomy incision.
April 23, 2011 at 10:34 am
You keep saying those words. I don’t think they mean what you think they mean.
(You being the crafter, no Dinogrrl. I’m pretty sure Dinogrrl’s ass is anatomically correct.)
April 23, 2011 at 11:06 am
Crap, I don’t know! Let me go look in the mirror.
April 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Post pictures and we’ll help you decide.
April 23, 2011 at 4:58 pm
hey now, maybe she just has a really weird, oddly placed vagina. I don’t judge.
April 23, 2011 at 9:43 am
Those Japanese dudes are going to love this.
April 23, 2011 at 9:44 am
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April 23, 2011 at 9:45 am
Tassels. WHY?
April 23, 2011 at 10:09 am
The tassels sure give a “Je ne sais quoi” to the ..umm.. errr.. ahhh.. representation(?)
April 23, 2011 at 10:16 am
‘Cause nipples are too hard.
April 23, 2011 at 10:48 am
Nipples – hard, hee hee.
April 23, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Welcome to Instant Rimshot
April 25, 2011 at 10:54 am
Finally! I’ve needed one of these for so long. Saying “rimshot!” or trying to imitate the sound just doesn’t cut it. Thank you so much!!
April 23, 2011 at 9:46 am
Wow, a plush with cellulite, that’s a really specific fetish market their going for.
April 23, 2011 at 9:51 am
*they’re
April 23, 2011 at 11:19 am
I’m somebody’s fetish! *Off to craft felt bodysuit*
April 23, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Rule #34?
April 23, 2011 at 9:48 am
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April 23, 2011 at 9:48 am
Well shit it’s supposed to be strike through. Fail.
April 23, 2011 at 9:52 am
Use not []
April 23, 2011 at 9:54 am
I fail too. Use 2 of these << but face the 2nd one the other way.
April 23, 2011 at 9:57 am
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April 23, 2011 at 9:57 am
Fuck it.
April 23, 2011 at 10:28 am
I think the command is del, ViolentViolet, as in
this.Yup. After preview, I am actually right, to my own shock! I now return you to your scheduled fuckery.
April 23, 2011 at 11:14 am
*hands Violet a cocktail*
April 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Don’t worry VV. Without her head, the only thing she can do with soup is put it in her “pocket.”
April 24, 2011 at 7:04 pm
Whawhawhatsis
April 23, 2011 at 10:28 am
I think the command is del, ViolentViolet, as in this.
Yup. After preview, I am actually right, to my own shock! I now return you to your scheduled fuckery.
——————————-
There is a “Preview”?? WJW
April 23, 2011 at 9:49 am
This is plushophilia in a whole new level.
April 23, 2011 at 9:50 am
It gets worse.
“E.T. has grown up. This plush pillow is equipped with a Magic Bullet Vibrator located in a hidden pocket at the tip of his finger. The pocket has a Velcro closure making it easy to access the hardware and replace the batteries.”
April 23, 2011 at 9:53 am
Oh god. I’m not often speechless, but … yeah.
April 23, 2011 at 10:11 am
Yes.. exactly ..
April 23, 2011 at 10:02 am
“It is a hit at bachelorette parties” Isn’t that what the bachelor is for?
April 23, 2011 at 10:44 am
can be used as a pinata is what that means, are candies unmentionables?
April 23, 2011 at 11:35 am
Somebody call Alien Protective Services, quick! That little alien plush is being abused!
ET really should have phoned home before now.
April 23, 2011 at 11:43 am
I’m just wondering if you’d actually want a plush finger in your bajingo (as is the preferred term). Pain. Not to mention that thing is utterly and totally frightening. I think the creator has issues with putting faces on things.
April 23, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I feel that the headless horsewoman is less creepy than ET or the other “faceless” items. But only a little. I am imagining a picture of of the buyer’s “intended” glued to a foam wig stand (or bowling ball) and nestled upon CanCan’s shoulders.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .
And I just can’t get enough of the word “bajingo”. I may start using it at work.
April 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm
im singing Mr Bojingles in my head now
April 23, 2011 at 4:02 pm
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! Who has an ET fantasy?
April 23, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Did you see the self-portrait plush in red? There’s no way she can walk normally.
April 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm
I see your E.T. sex doll and raise you this.
April 23, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Wait just a god damn minute.
That looks familiar.
April 23, 2011 at 11:31 pm
1. I finally made a Regretsy commenting account because of this blog post and this comment.
2. I showed the ET pillow to my husband, who works in I.T., and he said “I hate you, Internet.”
3. I continued reading this comment thread and ran into the donkey pillow and it’s comments and laughed. To which my husband replied, “When you laugh an angel gets it’s wings ripped off.”
4. At which point, I fell off the couch laughing because I just spent the last two hours laughing at Regretsy. That must be a lot of bleeding, wingless angels and boy, I bet they are pissed. I wonder if they could use a pillow to hug……
April 23, 2011 at 9:50 am
A wedding gift? REALLY?
April 23, 2011 at 9:52 am
Hmmm. Female anatomy placed where a man can actually find it. He should have been more specific about the “equipment”; some people are allergic to latex. And does it vibrate? Oh, wait, it can’t it’s “anatomically correct”.
April 23, 2011 at 9:52 am
Decapitation: the not-so-fine line between amputation fetish and necrophilia.
April 23, 2011 at 10:30 am
And he has one with dead-white skin too.
April 23, 2011 at 9:53 am
Head & arms sold seperately: http://www.regretsy.com/?s=manllow
April 23, 2011 at 11:21 am
AAGH AAGH AAAARGH
-hyperventilates-
-falls over-
April 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Was expecting Barry when I clicked the link.
The dismay at not seeing what I expected was immediately replaced with revulsion at what I did find, so it all balances out.
April 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm
It wants to kill me in my sleep!
April 23, 2011 at 9:53 am
No head to mouth off or ask for money? Not enough for me – it better turn into a six-pack and a sandwich at midnight or no sale.
April 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
It’s a shame you can’t put it over your upright vacuum cleaner as a dust cover. I seem to recall such a thing in the Harriet Carter catalog.
April 23, 2011 at 3:36 pm
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April 23, 2011 at 9:56 am
Look at how lifelike the craftsmanship is though, even down to the cellulite.
April 23, 2011 at 9:58 am
As endorsed by HRH, Henry VIII!
Individual results may vary.
April 23, 2011 at 10:02 am
This is perfect for when I gotta use the carpool lane
April 23, 2011 at 10:03 am
Wonder if someone will send this to the Royals as a wedding gift?
April 23, 2011 at 11:23 am
They asked for charitable donations, not pity fucks.
April 23, 2011 at 7:08 pm
I must say I love you, mapleleaves.
April 23, 2011 at 10:03 am
How does this seller get off claiming this is the first ever Humpastuff? Doesn’t he know that archaeologists unearthed one with the Dead Sea Scrolls?
April 23, 2011 at 10:05 am
Seller has never seen 30 Rock. Or heard of Japan.
April 23, 2011 at 11:22 am
Hey, Tracy Jordan Sexdoll is WAY classier than this thing.
April 23, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I was thinking of the episode with James Franco, but YEAH! Tracy Jordan Sexdoll totally trumps this.
April 23, 2011 at 10:14 am
Is it just me or is the picture of the seller “demonstrating” the unmentionable pocket actually the most disturbing part of this whole shebang. (Shebang – get it? I’m sorry; I can’t seem to stop myself).
April 23, 2011 at 10:20 am
Fancyskants, LOL, my 4 year old son just called your avatar an “octopussy” How appropriate for this, um, work of Etsy art…….
April 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Cobra – out of the mouths of babes, eh? Too funny.
April 23, 2011 at 11:41 am
Yeah I thought the strategically placed finger was a little bizzaro.
April 23, 2011 at 10:15 am
Is this HR Pufnstuf’s slutty sister?
April 23, 2011 at 10:17 am
It takes alot to disturb me but this seriously did, I am cowering behind the sofa as I type. Even scarier is the E.T Humpastuff pillow http://www.etsy.com/listing/46352958/entertainment-tonight-humpastuff-et
Why oh why did I insist on looking through the rest of the shop?
April 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/45442437/donkey-kong-humpastuff-plush-pillow
I think this one is the most nightmarish I’ve seen.
April 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm
“One side is ultra soft and the other side is flashy with sequins and a gold sheer.”
And this is supposed to be “enjoyed” INSIDE A HUMAN BODY?!?
April 23, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Sequins in me…feels like having sex with a cactus.
April 23, 2011 at 3:50 pm
E.T.? Someone needs to e-mail Spielberg right fucking now! That is so wrong on so many levels. There’s a fuckscrapping vibrator in his finger!!!!!!
(now let the “phone-home” jokes commence…)
April 23, 2011 at 10:22 am
Can you imagine walking in on someone…umm…using this?
April 23, 2011 at 10:42 am
I can’t imagine anyone using this, nevermind walking in on them.
April 23, 2011 at 10:24 am
“Please check back soon for Yes HE Cancan!”
Oh god.
April 23, 2011 at 10:27 am
Also, his donkey kong pillow is kind of misleading.
April 23, 2011 at 10:29 am
Today I am ashamed to be human.
April 23, 2011 at 10:30 am
Seller is taking a risk giving it legs. Now it can kick you in the balls and run out.
April 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Jesus, I just pictured that thing running. Scary.
April 23, 2011 at 10:36 am
Little known fact – Humpastuff was an undeveloped character from the Bugaloos, and was shelved. it was later brought back for Sid and Marty Kroffts’ Sigmund and the Sea Monsters. the character of Sheldon however replaced it.
April 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Lawsie, I loved the Bugaloos! Fancy your mentioning it here.
April 23, 2011 at 10:40 am
Hi, Straight Guy here.
Perfect Man Cave christening gift.
No more losing the remote. I’ll name her Sylvania.
If she can open bottles with her ass, it’s a sale.
April 24, 2011 at 3:48 pm
I can do that, but I have a head and arms.
April 23, 2011 at 10:53 am
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse… http://www.etsy.com/listing/45442437/donkey-kong-humpastuff-plush-pillow
April 23, 2011 at 11:26 am
*Long, trailing shriek*
April 23, 2011 at 11:42 am
I just want to know how they get a pillow “rock hard for your pleasure”….ick….
April 23, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Actually, if it were free, I’d love to leave it on my front porch. We get a lot of the door-to-door religions around here and I bet that the DK pillow would REALLY cut down on unwanted visits.
April 23, 2011 at 9:06 pm
This has to have one of the creepiest item descriptions ever. “will make your dreams come true” *shudder* I wanna know why only one side has blue sequins, though.
April 23, 2011 at 10:54 am
Some artist pffft. Where are the razor bumps?
April 23, 2011 at 10:57 am
It has cankles
April 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
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April 23, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Please disregard. I should have shown more respect for the Secretary of State. My bad.
April 23, 2011 at 11:19 am
And I thought giving head meant something else entirely.
April 23, 2011 at 11:32 am
I find the misplaced oonie and triangular upper body reminiscent of some of the trannies that come out @ night in my ‘hood. But most of them have heads…
April 23, 2011 at 8:00 pm
…”oonie”!
I just never get enough of this place….
April 23, 2011 at 11:32 am
I didn’t know Ed Gein was alive and selling his stuff on Etsy!
April 23, 2011 at 11:34 am
Hm. At least RealDolls look human. And don’t have any orifices slowly creeping up toward their heads.
April 23, 2011 at 11:51 am
Since I apparently hate sanity, I went to look at what she has actually sold from this shop. Not ONE of these creepy things has found a new home- she’s only gotten rid of “vintage” clothes. That means she still has all of these sitting around her house. Umm… ew?
April 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Even worse – she sells “VINTAGE & erotic plush.” Is anyone good enought at math to imagine the germs on vintage, erotic plush?!! I’ll start with a google squared.
April 23, 2011 at 11:53 am
What. the. fuck. I’m amazed that anyone would think to make this, let alone buy it.
April 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I actually like some of the clothing, like the brown dress (I like simple things.). Too bad I’m not a size 4.
I couldn’t imagine buying from a store called HumpaStuff, though. Does the store name show up on your CC statement? I’ve not actually bought anything from Etsy…..
April 23, 2011 at 3:55 pm
If you pay with paypal, it shows up as paypal and their user e-mail, so it WOULD be a safe place to buy sex stuff. But I wouldn’t know anything about that. *cough*
April 23, 2011 at 7:15 pm
Yeah but she might put “Humpastuff” as part of the return address, and then you can never look your mail carrier in the eye again.
April 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
It’s like someone said “sex sells” to a virgin; and she took a guess as to where the erotic zones are.
April 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
“Better than a hired dancer because she’s got no head to mouth off and no arms to take what’s in your wallet.”
Well, if that’s how you feel about it, why not just cut to the chase?
April 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I was wondering if anyone was going to comment on the Silent Hill likeness. Love it!
April 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I like girls at *least* at much as the next lady, but I have never once wanted to hump the torso of a decapitated transvestite prostitute.
April 23, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Vanilla.
April 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
As a can can dancer, I find this offensive ;D
April 23, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Too bad song titles can’t be copyrighted – “Yes You Can Can” was the Fatboy Slim dance number from Moulin Rouge.
My phone almost let me type “Fartboy.” which would gave been amusing but even more obscure.
April 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm
That thing sure as hell ain’t shaped like a woman.
I think I have a good clue what the seller meant by “unmentionables”.
April 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm
It’s only “anatomically correct” if it’s one of these. (Safe for work.)
April 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm
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April 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm
How is it anatomically correct when her slit goes up to her belly button?
April 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Who would want to have sex with a dismembered torso? That’s just sick. That’s a rhetorical question. Please don’t tell me.
I’m trying not to think about how unsanitary this is.
April 23, 2011 at 5:04 pm
This might just be the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
April 23, 2011 at 7:13 pm
I’m not sure which I find more disturbing – that a woman “created” this monstrosity, or that her mind actually conceived of it, made it and is proud of it. That is awful, horrid, hideous…blergh, I’m running out of adjectives.
April 23, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I can’t get over that she “created” it for her boyfriend. I keep imagining the boyfriend’s reaction. If it was anything but cowering horror, I don’t want to know about it.
April 23, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Since someone already made the Silent Hill reference, I have to say that images like this make me feel like I did something really horrible in my past that I don’t remember and looking at this monstrosity is my punishment.
Also, GUESS WHAT I FOUND ITS MISSING HEAD!
April 23, 2011 at 8:42 pm
This is what you have nightmares of if you go to bed before the end of “Frankenhooker.”
April 23, 2011 at 9:45 pm
I cannot even imagine the look on my husband’s face if I presented him with this monstrosity and told him “Made with only the BEST intentions NOT for use” and a snip at only $169…. Ok maybe I can imagine it….
April 24, 2011 at 7:04 am
hey if a cartoon mermaid teaches girls to get a man by manipulating her body to suit and giving up her voice (wooing him without it), adults would naturally take it a step further
April 24, 2011 at 10:27 am
This is just begging to be viewed in a room.
April 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm
The feet look just like my grandma’s. They were fat and crusty.
April 24, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I imagine the seller just wrapping it in brown paper to ship it.
April 24, 2011 at 7:11 pm
When I think of Regretsy & something fake to cuddle with, this comes to mind…
April 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm
WANT! What a perfect Mother’s Day gift for my Mom!
April 24, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Lord Almighty, anyone checked out her other items?
Absolute nightmare material D:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/44997539/erica-humpastuff-body-pillow-plush?ref=v1_other_2
August 4, 2011 at 2:34 am
HAS ANYONE ELSE REALIZED THAT THIS ETSY SELLER IS THE TWIN SISTER OF THE BRIDE OF THE HOBO WEDDING?!?!