Well, my friends the time has come,
Raise the roof and have some fun.
Throw a-way de work to be done,
Let the music play on.
(Play on, play on, play on…)
Everybody sing, everybody dance.
Lose yourself in wild romance.
We’re go’ng to party, Karamu 1 , fiesta, forever.
Come on and sing along.
We’re go’ng to party, Karamu 1 , fiesta, forever.
Come on and sing a-long.
I’m feeling your cleverness Charlie…reaching, but clever…
Hehe. I was just thinking the sleeves on this looked rather cute.
I think she was going in the right direction but then… something happened. Perhaps she went ‘oh hang it all’ and really did go rolling around in grandma’s linen closet.
It’s a cute idea but she got lazy and used a placemat from Walmart for the body of it. And then she barely sewed the actual crocheted doilies on it. Some people do a hell of a job on these vintage doilies dresses, but she is not one of them because she is just lazy.
See, I was likewise going to make a comment about it looking like my grandmother’s couch, but then I realized what an insult that would be to my grandma. She’s got better taste than that – it’s just covered in a giant afghan.
Maybe we’re onto something here. Last time I went to the opera I saw one of the richest women in Australia wearing a coat that looked like it was made out of enjo cleaning cloths. Mind you, her wig looks like it made out of steel wool.
I used to work helping people get SSI. Lots of our consumers had lower-than-average IQs. The most difficult ones fell into what we privately called “the niche”, which was between about 65-80. People with IQs above 80 tended to be with the program. People with IQs below 65 usually had the insight to realize they were slow. People in the niche, though, seemed to believe that their “learning problems” (for which they wanted the government to pay them, of course) didn’t make them any different than anyone else. So you’d go over something multiple times, they still wouldn’t understand it, and YOU were stupid for not being able to explain it right.
What makes me sad, as a compulsive doily-crocheter (don’t ask), is that if she actually created the doilies herself, she’d be underpaid for the work involved at $100. And if she’d left that thing as a couple dozen individual doilies, she could get more than $100 for them.
My first assumption was that she crocheted them herself, got tired of waiting for two dozen $5-10 doilies to sell, and decided to make them all into one big thing to sell for a lump sum.
Seriously. The description says Happyville, but the facial expression says Silent Hill. If there was a .gif she’d be blinking “OH GOD HELP ME” in Morse Code.
what is so “fiesta” about this? to me the word fiesta conjures up images of Coronas and bean dip and pinatas. not a fistful of sloppily stitched-together doilies.
For that just sat on look! We have our lovely doily tunic complete with that grandma pissed her chair again smell and authentic staining! Why did we take her dolies? let’s just say grandma won’t need these anymore…
“wear it over all white or all black” – Don’t tell me what to do! If I’m gonna spend $100 on my grandma’s rejected tablecloth I’ll wear it over whatever damn color I want!
Yes, he’d be like..’This concerns me’ and they’d say ‘but its gorgeous hand pieced summer fun to be slipped over the head.’ and then he’d just say ‘……Make it work’ and bugger off.
This would have been a great time to use a nearly nude model, or a pinata somewhere in the photos.
An otherwise-nude model wearing this, beating butt plugs out of a pinata, while in an orchard, with a man wearing a c string goes running past in the distance.
“I am inspired by the women of the Depression era who made do with so little and created beautiful things for their families and homes. With this in mind, I utilise 100% of my fabric, right down to the little threads!
I want to make beautiful things that have a story, a function, a conscience!” – Shop Profile
I think the women of the Depression Era would have done fine without a doily dress.
If you really want to get technical, there are lots of different kinds of lacemaking techniques, of which tatting is only a small portion. Most of what we see above is crocheted lace. There’s also tamber lace, Tenerife lace, needle lace, bobbin lace…shall I go on?
That said, if she’d stuck with using the doilies as cap sleeves, it would have been cute. This just doesn’t work. Keep trying, girlie!
Technically lace-making is done by tatting, crocheting, knitting, or bobbins (sort of like tabletop bowling pins attached to threads, all woven in and out and around). One can also stitch the edges of white seam tape into curves and flourishes (sometimes called Brussels lace). “Lace” is a loosely defined term in needlework. It also represents a melodramatic miniseries on broadcast television in the 1980s, but I digress.
Um, no. No it isn’t. Technically, tatting is a form of lacemaking, which can be done with a needle or a shuttle. You can make crocheted lace. You can also make lace (including doilies) using many other techniques. The more you know…
My Grandmother survived the depression. She’s as about as frugal as they come. She upcycled decades before the word was invented. But she never resorted to wearing doilies.
Same here. And she had seven kids to clothe, as well as herself.Trust me, if my mother had ever had to wear a dress made out of doilies to school, I would’ve heard about it.
Though she did occasionally complain about the home-made underwear.
“I want to make beautiful things that have a story, a function, a conscience!” – Shop Profile
Dear Venus: Looking at that poor woman draped in great-auntie’s table linens, and considering the $100 price tag, I do not think that “conscience” means what you think it means.
Hmm – I just noticed she’s in Queensland. It’s a bit like Australia’s answer to Florida, crossed with West Virginia. So she’ll have an endless supply of doileys from deceased estates, and nary a clue.
Wow. I’m way undercharging for things I actually put effort into. $100 for something that looks strikingly similar to something I pieced together when I was 8 and learning to sew…
Yes–again, except for the sleeves, which we all agree are pretty–there’s really no rhyme or reason to the arrangement. It’s as if she closed her eyes and just grabbed whatever was closest to her.
Doilies: Srs Bsns
If the model looks any more serious, I’m going to have to wonder if she’s being threatened with losing her Quinceañera if this doesn’t sell.
so she looks like the child of kevin arnold and winnie cooper. i want a voice-over with something nostalgic about this shirt with the byrds playing in the background.
Brilliant! And, the choice of figurine and its placement truly improves the piece. Makes me think that with the right sleeves and a duplicate (sans Hummel) for the back, this could be a festive little top…maybe I’m just trying to make the best of a horrible situation. But really, Lemon Bombs, great job with the PhotoShopping!)
Bad taste is not served well by spending the last 10 mins. searching on Etsy, so it’s 50/50 for me. The bad taste had to come from somewhere, but comparing it to most of Etsy these days isn’t much better.
Etsy is running about 70/30 crap/real handmade these days. I wouldn’t go there for artistic inspiration.
Is anyone else imagining this as a badly crafted Gone with the Wind type scenario? Like she REALLY needed an outfit for the Etsy ball so she grabbed the sewing machine, her grandmother’s doilies and made it happen.
“I’ll never go without fuckery ever again!”
I just noticed that there are category tags on Regretsy. How is EVERYTHING not listed under “bullshit”?
I’m not gonna go the “grandma’s house” route with this one. I think it’s very nice. It’s hard to look good AND stand out, and the bullethole scars and armpit hair look just isn’t for everyone. Sometimes you just want to staple a bunch of shit to your shirt and call it a day.
How much do I want a t-shirt that says “sometimes you just want to staple a bunch of shit to your shirt and call it a day”? ooo superbad yes…I’m getting one
now this is the shit i come to regresty for!! my mom was visiting and looked over my shoulder. i explained what was going on with the site. she said, “no, wait, that doily thing is for real?!? it’s not a joke or something??”. thankfully, for me, mom, it’s not. because now i have something to laugh at.
in her feedback section, it shows that she sold the same “unique, handmade” skirt at least 5 times, with the same picture. it’s patchwork, but each skirt has the same pattern. someone’s feedback was “this is half the price this would be if it was from anthropologie!”
is she really handmaking them all exactly the same? or is she another reseller? i’m confused. if she’s a reseller, where the hell did she get a wholesale price on doily vests?
I don’t know if it’s the recent slew of boobs on Regretsy, or just me, but does that purple scrap of lace on the front-right look like boobs to anyone else?
This is how I imagine an Etsy horror movie to begin. The doilies are similar to the face suckers in Alien, and secret acid. In this scene, a hapless hipster finds herself covered by the evil doilies and dies screaming as her fellow craftards grab their soy lattes and run for their lives.
All I can say is… I am sorry I was out (actually doing stuff that needed to be done) and missed this post until now. It’s like, I want to cry buckets of doily-lace-tears and hug all of the snarkiness that is in this thread. God bless us, every-one.
you know, I’ve seen a lot of goofy shit on this site but this is one of those things that seriously made me wtf. even the genitalia art just makes me lol. but this? why in the actual fuck would anyone think that this looks decent enough to wear, let alone SELL?
Ooooh, I know why you would wear this! You want to break up with your boyfriend, but you don’t have the guts to dump him. All you have to do is wear this musty mess out to meet the folks and – voila! – instant breakup!
Thank-you, Etsy!
Alright, maybe I’m mental… But is it just me, or does the doily model look a little like a younger version of our fearless leader? Like perhaps in her high school or even junior high years. Anyone? Okay, just me.
April 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Looks like a cheap lace factory sneezed on her.
April 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
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April 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm
someones going to be happy on their birthday!
April 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm
“Fiesta. Foreva. …come on and sing along…”
Lionel Richie All Night Long
Well, my friends the time has come,
Raise the roof and have some fun.
Throw a-way de work to be done,
Let the music play on.
(Play on, play on, play on…)
Everybody sing, everybody dance.
Lose yourself in wild romance.
We’re go’ng to party, Karamu 1 , fiesta, forever.
Come on and sing along.
We’re go’ng to party, Karamu 1 , fiesta, forever.
Come on and sing a-long.
I’m feeling your cleverness Charlie…reaching, but clever…
April 20, 2011 at 10:13 pm
Could we stay on topic please FLOUNCE FLOUNCE
April 21, 2011 at 1:17 am
Thank You i knew someone would!
April 21, 2011 at 1:23 am
April 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Well hello Doiley!!
April 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm
It’s so nice to see this here, where it belongs.
April 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
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April 20, 2011 at 11:43 pm
if you have nothing snarky to say, don’t say anything at all…
April 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Looks like my grandma’s linen closet fell on her.
April 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm
HA! I was just thinking: I have a shirt that’s a lot like this except it looks pretty, not like I rolled around in Grandma’s linen closet.’
April 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Hehe. I was just thinking the sleeves on this looked rather cute.
I think she was going in the right direction but then… something happened. Perhaps she went ‘oh hang it all’ and really did go rolling around in grandma’s linen closet.
April 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm
That’s what I came to say too, the sleeves are very cute and I think would work well on a different top.
April 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm
It had potential before she went off and popped that tab of acid.
April 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm
It’s a cute idea but she got lazy and used a placemat from Walmart for the body of it. And then she barely sewed the actual crocheted doilies on it. Some people do a hell of a job on these vintage doilies dresses, but she is not one of them because she is just lazy.
April 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm
See, I was likewise going to make a comment about it looking like my grandmother’s couch, but then I realized what an insult that would be to my grandma. She’s got better taste than that – it’s just covered in a giant afghan.
April 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I was thinking that someone’s gramma is gonna be *pissed*!
April 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
The back is actually kinda cute, but the front….good lord.
April 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
THAT’S why it looks like crap! She’s wearing it backwards!
April 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm
No, I really don’t think that would help.
April 20, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Yepper!
April 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
It’s Grandma, and she’s super pissed that someone stole all her doilies.
April 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I would wear this over my potholder bikini.
April 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Oooh, good call.
April 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Fingerless gloves are a must to complete that outfit.
April 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
And assless afghans!
April 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Maybe we’re onto something here. Last time I went to the opera I saw one of the richest women in Australia wearing a coat that looked like it was made out of enjo cleaning cloths. Mind you, her wig looks like it made out of steel wool.
April 20, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I learned the hard way that when you need to get up naked from bed, the afghan is not a good choice for wrapping up in.
April 20, 2011 at 9:55 pm
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April 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm
How many combined years of crocheting experience do you think she’s wearing?
April 20, 2011 at 4:35 pm
This looks like my grandmother’s house. Except my grandmother still has some sense left in her head.
April 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Maybe it was made by a grandmother with dementia? It’s not fun to make fun of the memory challenged.
April 20, 2011 at 5:07 pm
What about the naturally stupid?
You know, the ones who are just stupid enough to be made fun of, not the actual retarded.
April 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Donald Trump?
April 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm
never make fun of full retards
April 20, 2011 at 11:28 pm
I used to work helping people get SSI. Lots of our consumers had lower-than-average IQs. The most difficult ones fell into what we privately called “the niche”, which was between about 65-80. People with IQs above 80 tended to be with the program. People with IQs below 65 usually had the insight to realize they were slow. People in the niche, though, seemed to believe that their “learning problems” (for which they wanted the government to pay them, of course) didn’t make them any different than anyone else. So you’d go over something multiple times, they still wouldn’t understand it, and YOU were stupid for not being able to explain it right.
“Naturally stupid” works well, too.
April 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Wow, it’s like they’re not even trying anymore.
“Honey, I bought all the doilies at Goodwill! Can you pass me the stapler so I can make a “shirt” out of them?”
April 20, 2011 at 5:12 pm
No. Not a “shirt”. A “fiesta tunic”. Big difference. BIG.
April 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Huge.
April 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm
All I can think of is Holly Hobby and I don’t even know why.
Help.
April 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
A HUNDRED DOLLARS?!?! Are they serious?? For the contents of a Good Will grab bag and some staples?!?!
April 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm
WHOA WHOA
It’s a bit fancier than staples. I bet she used safety pins. THEN YOU CAN REARRANGE IT TO YOUR OWN STYLE!!!!
April 20, 2011 at 5:43 pm
But can you change the size of the smell?
April 20, 2011 at 5:29 pm
But it’s on *SALE*! It’s a bargain at that price.
Heck, I might buy it just so the sad model didn’t wear it for no good reason.
April 20, 2011 at 10:16 pm
$100 AND that’s the SALE PRICE!
Are these doilies from Buckingham Palace
April 21, 2011 at 1:57 pm
What makes me sad, as a compulsive doily-crocheter (don’t ask), is that if she actually created the doilies herself, she’d be underpaid for the work involved at $100. And if she’d left that thing as a couple dozen individual doilies, she could get more than $100 for them.
My first assumption was that she crocheted them herself, got tired of waiting for two dozen $5-10 doilies to sell, and decided to make them all into one big thing to sell for a lump sum.
Bad call, if it’s true.
April 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I feel like her grandmother died and left these to her and she couldn’t sell them in their original form.
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I love how we came to the same conclusion.
April 20, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I was going to comment about ‘how dare you say my snark isn’t original and special’, but I think I’ll just stick with great minds think alike!
April 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I feel so naive and blindly optimistic about human nature now.
April 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Sad hipster is sad because granny only left her doilies in the will.
April 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm
And a stapler. Just doilies and a stapler.
April 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
In winter she makes a wicked holiday pot holder poncho!
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I’m now envisioning the royal family serving high tea on a recumbent, doilied lady.
April 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm
If anyone can Photoshop this for me, I will be eternally grateful.
April 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm
April 20, 2011 at 9:15 pm
That picture of the Queen Mum is perfect!
April 20, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Expressions are priceless! Well done!!
April 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm
The Queen just saw the Royal Weeding condoms
April 21, 2011 at 3:39 am
Holy effing crap, I love you.
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
It says that it’s designed to slip over the head. It looks like it’s designed to slip into the trash can at Goodwill.
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
It’s not a fiesta until someone is trying to wear the table decor.
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
“She’s got a doily.”
(Laughs) “That’s not a doily.”
(Pulls out Fiesta Doily Tunic) “THAT’S a doily!”
April 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm
lol! post that again, i only got to give it one thumbs up
April 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Ah, Crocodile Doylee 2 wasn’t nearly as good.
April 21, 2011 at 12:23 am
That’s why I can never find that movie in Netflix. I thought it was Crocodoily Dundee 2!
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
The model looks like she’s thinking about having the creator committed.
April 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Seriously. The description says Happyville, but the facial expression says Silent Hill. If there was a .gif she’d be blinking “OH GOD HELP ME” in Morse Code.
April 21, 2011 at 1:23 am
I think she looks rather apologetic, which is why I haven’t been able to think of anything original to snark on. I just feel BAD for her.
I do want to burn the “tunic,” though.
April 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
what is so “fiesta” about this? to me the word fiesta conjures up images of Coronas and bean dip and pinatas. not a fistful of sloppily stitched-together doilies.
April 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I punched Fiesta into the bullshit translator and it came up with this
“I was drunk off my ass from Margarrrrrritas!!! When I put this together.”
April 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Wasn’t there a piece of shit car once called the Ford Fiesta? Maybe this is an homage?
April 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Hello, Doily! One night only at the Home!
April 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Damn, didn’t even notice the title!
April 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I chuckled at the top part of the shirt and then when I scrolled down I full on laghed out loud.
April 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm
As a crocheter this offends me. I understand trying to make things like doilies cool but they will always be meant for house decor.
April 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm
If they were all the same colour, it MIGHT be acceptable. In my opinion it’s the lack of unity that makes this so ugly.
April 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm
For that just sat on look! We have our lovely doily tunic complete with that grandma pissed her chair again smell and authentic staining! Why did we take her dolies? let’s just say grandma won’t need these anymore…
April 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Its nursing home camo!
April 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm
If she winds up selling that for $100, I’m going to pillage every dollar store in town.
April 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Come on it’s on sale!
April 20, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Uh…in order for there to be a hemline, shouldn’t there be a hem?
Just sayin….
April 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm
You noticed that too?
April 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
ay carumba.
April 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm
CROCHET WHAT?! …..see what I did there?
April 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm
The model:
“Some fiesta. I’ll be the laughingstock of my own quinceanera! Thanks, grandma.”
April 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm
“wear it over all white or all black” – Don’t tell me what to do! If I’m gonna spend $100 on my grandma’s rejected tablecloth I’ll wear it over whatever damn color I want!
April 20, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I was thinking this *might* be cute IF they stopped with just the cap sleeves/shoulders in (matching) doilies stitched onto a white T. Maybe.
But this??? This is just an insult to grandmothers everywhere.
April 20, 2011 at 4:57 pm
I agree the shoulders had real potential. She needed Tim Gunn to come around and suggest some edits, like everything below the shoulders.
April 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Yes, he’d be like..’This concerns me’ and they’d say ‘but its gorgeous hand pieced summer fun to be slipped over the head.’ and then he’d just say ‘……Make it work’ and bugger off.
April 20, 2011 at 5:05 pm
I didn’t even notice the sleeves didn’t match until I scrolled back up.
Gotta agree with you there.
April 20, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Very first thought: Why is she wearing a placemat?
April 20, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I want what this person is smoking. srsly
April 20, 2011 at 4:52 pm
The doilies themselves are actually quite gorgeous. It’s too bad she ruined them by creating this horrible top.
April 20, 2011 at 4:53 pm
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April 20, 2011 at 4:53 pm
The sleeves are okay, but then it just looks like someone vomited up Goodwill leftovers.
April 20, 2011 at 4:53 pm
This would have been a great time to use a nearly nude model, or a pinata somewhere in the photos.
An otherwise-nude model wearing this, beating butt plugs out of a pinata, while in an orchard, with a man wearing a c string goes running past in the distance.
April 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm
^Thats the best surrealist landscape never painted.
April 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm
*gasp!* I’m flattered!
Oh alchemy requests.. where art thou?
April 20, 2011 at 8:27 pm
If somebody will create that in pastels, or perhaps watercolours, I will buy it when we do a fundraiser!
April 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I’m looking forward to the Grandpa’s Used Hanky dress shirt collection.
April 20, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I just finally paid enough attention to your username, that is brilliant.
April 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Why thank you, Moose.
April 20, 2011 at 4:57 pm
The funny thing is, there are tank tops draped over the arms of all her couches.
April 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
HAHAHA!
April 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm
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April 21, 2011 at 10:35 am
Ow ow ow. Eff you Daisy. I just had throat surgery and it hurts to laugh.
“Snort snuffle owwww haha owww!”
April 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm
VenusRising1 is on vacation, already.
April 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
“I am inspired by the women of the Depression era who made do with so little and created beautiful things for their families and homes. With this in mind, I utilise 100% of my fabric, right down to the little threads!
I want to make beautiful things that have a story, a function, a conscience!” – Shop Profile
I think the women of the Depression Era would have done fine without a doily dress.
April 20, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Lord luvaduck. The women of the depression era knew how to sew or crochet – A BLOUSE! If they wanted to make a doiley, they crocheted a doiley.
You have no idea how difficult it is not to type ‘crotched’.
April 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Technically, lace making is called “tatting”. Dude! Check out my new Tat! It’s for my granny!
April 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm
It is Tatty, I’ll give you that.
Sooo, Where can I trade tat for that other thing?
April 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Some is tatted, some is crocheted.
But yeah, show us yer tatts!
April 20, 2011 at 6:17 pm
You deserve a lot of tat,
for what she’s got to give!
April 20, 2011 at 6:20 pm
If you really want to get technical, there are lots of different kinds of lacemaking techniques, of which tatting is only a small portion. Most of what we see above is crocheted lace. There’s also tamber lace, Tenerife lace, needle lace, bobbin lace…shall I go on?
That said, if she’d stuck with using the doilies as cap sleeves, it would have been cute. This just doesn’t work. Keep trying, girlie!
April 20, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Technically lace-making is done by tatting, crocheting, knitting, or bobbins (sort of like tabletop bowling pins attached to threads, all woven in and out and around). One can also stitch the edges of white seam tape into curves and flourishes (sometimes called Brussels lace). “Lace” is a loosely defined term in needlework. It also represents a melodramatic miniseries on broadcast television in the 1980s, but I digress.
April 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm
That center doily in front also looks like it’s filet lace, with a crocheted edging.
Gadz, I’m such a fiber geek.
April 21, 2011 at 8:20 am
Um, no. No it isn’t. Technically, tatting is a form of lacemaking, which can be done with a needle or a shuttle. You can make crocheted lace. You can also make lace (including doilies) using many other techniques. The more you know…
April 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I think this shirt would make even the women of the Depression Era depressed.
April 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm
My Grandmother survived the depression. She’s as about as frugal as they come. She upcycled decades before the word was invented. But she never resorted to wearing doilies.
April 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Same here. And she had seven kids to clothe, as well as herself.Trust me, if my mother had ever had to wear a dress made out of doilies to school, I would’ve heard about it.
Though she did occasionally complain about the home-made underwear.
April 20, 2011 at 9:18 pm
Oh, I don’t think there was any conscience involved in the creation of this piece.
April 21, 2011 at 7:11 am
“I want to make beautiful things that have a story, a function, a conscience!” – Shop Profile
Dear Venus: Looking at that poor woman draped in great-auntie’s table linens, and considering the $100 price tag, I do not think that “conscience” means what you think it means.
Love, Gwennie.
April 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
“this tunic has an asymmetrical hemline.”
I do not think that word means what you think it means…
April 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Ass-ymmetrical perhaps.
April 20, 2011 at 10:19 pm
When I think “hemline” I imagine something that’s actually hemmed in some form or fashion lol
April 21, 2011 at 10:36 am
“Asymmetrical hemline” and “large sleeve openings” are code for “I can’t sew a straight line to save my fucking life”.
April 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Some people are not nearly as “creative” as they think they are. Sometimes they’re just crazy.
April 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Sometimes crazy is good. This… is not good.
April 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm
The thing about creativity is, it needs to combine with talent. Otherwise you get this.
April 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm
That could have been so cute… but then, the road to hell is always paved with good intentions isn’t it?
April 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I love the ones that say “I made an error in judgment. Pay me for it?”
April 20, 2011 at 5:11 pm
You know, the rest of the stuff in her shop is pretty cute, as patchwork hippie skirts go. And then THIS happened. Whyyyyy ???
April 20, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Hmm – I just noticed she’s in Queensland. It’s a bit like Australia’s answer to Florida, crossed with West Virginia. So she’ll have an endless supply of doileys from deceased estates, and nary a clue.
Sass and Bide- also from Queensland- she ain’t.
April 21, 2011 at 3:22 am
Alas, we in Australia are having a doily ‘moment’! I’ve seen these lately:
http://thehabygoddess.blogspot.com/2011/04/its-doily-fest.html
http://thehabygoddess.blogspot.com/2011/04/doily-fest-edition-is-hot-off-press.html
The pics are so pretty that I was actually plotting a doily-hunt. Now, not so much.
April 20, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Oh, she kind of looks like that afghan on the back of “Roseanne”‘s couch
April 20, 2011 at 5:14 pm
April 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
is it wrong that I want one of those afghans?
April 20, 2011 at 5:46 pm
if wanting one is wrong, i don’t wanna be right
April 20, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Granny squares FTW!
April 20, 2011 at 6:49 pm
I have two of them…one just like that one and one with white instead of black.
Don’t hate me, man. I’m all about the granny squares.
April 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm
I used to have one. My mom won it in a raffle and the place it was least annoying was on the foot of my bed.
April 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Is it wrong that I want a foot rub?
April 21, 2011 at 12:31 am
I’m with you. I can make myself the afghan, but the foot rub…that’s something that’s best when done by another.
April 20, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Where are the scissors….SOMEONE GIVE ME THE GODDAMN SCISSORS!!!!!!
April 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Wow. I’m way undercharging for things I actually put effort into. $100 for something that looks strikingly similar to something I pieced together when I was 8 and learning to sew…
April 20, 2011 at 11:49 pm
I used to cut up my mom’s old nightgowns and assemble them into Barbie clothes with Tacky Glue, and they *still* looked better than this mess.
April 20, 2011 at 5:14 pm
I finally know what to make out of all the doilies my grandmother gave me as a wedding gift 20 years ago!
April 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Plus, 20 years old = vintage!
April 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Maybe if the lace doilies were hand-tatted instead of just cookie cutter factory rejects…
April 20, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Picky, picky
April 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Does anyone else think she kind of looks like a used Lite Brite template?
April 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm
…what’s so “fiesta” about it?
April 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Bullshit to English translator:
Asymmetrical hemline = I can’t sew.
Extra large armholes = I can’t sew.
April 21, 2011 at 10:38 am
Haha I posted that as a reply up there somewhere before I read this far. My bad.
April 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Hehehehehehe. I think my grandma’s kitchen drawer just vomited all over that chick.
April 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm
This is something you make, and then hide at the back of your closet to horrify other people when you go out in public with them later.
April 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm
LOL I have actually known people that do that.
April 21, 2011 at 8:25 am
I have a dress I made out of ties for just that purpose.
April 21, 2011 at 10:38 am
Pics please. I think I want one.
April 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Had she not used the most random, unfitting doilies and sew them in the most random, unfitting way she could find… it would actually look cute.
April 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Yes–again, except for the sleeves, which we all agree are pretty–there’s really no rhyme or reason to the arrangement. It’s as if she closed her eyes and just grabbed whatever was closest to her.
April 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm
The worst part of it is that this could have been a good idea had it been executed by someone not colourblind and unable to sew.
April 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
If ever there was an item that SHOULD be on a hot, naked model…
April 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Ma’am…put your hands up and back away from the doilies…slowly.
April 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Doilies: Srs Bsns
If the model looks any more serious, I’m going to have to wonder if she’s being threatened with losing her Quinceañera if this doesn’t sell.
April 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I wanted to see the rest of her shop, but she’s “on vacation”… which as we all know, means “contemplating Regretsy-induced suicide.” You meanies.
April 21, 2011 at 12:36 am
You can get a sense of the shop from her sold items. Mostly pretty hippie-type stuff that I’d never wear, but obviously someone would since it sold.
I do question the crotch on the pair of tan capris. Something went wrong there.
April 20, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I AM DISGUSTED… At the outrageous shipping cost! I guess I will go elsewhere to be draped in old dusty stained doilies! Grandma, Im coming to visit!
April 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
I always wondered what that no sew glue would actually be used for.
April 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm
so she looks like the child of kevin arnold and winnie cooper. i want a voice-over with something nostalgic about this shirt with the byrds playing in the background.
April 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm
she looks like the child of kevin arnold and winnie cooper.
I hadn’t been thinking that. Then you mentioned it. Now it’s ALL I CAN SEE.
April 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm
That poor model looks like a sad orphan!
April 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm
All I can think of is “Who in the holy fuck buys this shit that’s she’s asking $100??!!!” I’d rather spend the money on a home lobotomy kit.
April 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm
> “cover yourself with Hummel figurines”
I am waiting for this to show up on Etsy. Porcelain figures hot-glued to an old thrift store sweater.
April 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm
::runs off to the rummage shop for figurines and a sweater::
April 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Old school.
April 21, 2011 at 8:39 am
Brilliant! And, the choice of figurine and its placement truly improves the piece. Makes me think that with the right sleeves and a duplicate (sans Hummel) for the back, this could be a festive little top…maybe I’m just trying to make the best of a horrible situation. But really, Lemon Bombs, great job with the PhotoShopping!)
April 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm
That… improves it. Seriously. That figurine just ties it all together.
It’s still atrocious. But at least now it’s atrocious with a deliberate-looking motif.
April 20, 2011 at 6:28 pm
The perfect accessories to this would be jewelery made from the hard ribbon candy stuck together in grandma’s candy dish.
April 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm
and those giant awful jelly beans as earrings.
April 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm
To sum up:
1. Grandma is dead.
2. The model is pissed.
3. The sleeves are kinda cute.
Did I miss anything?
April 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Bad taste is not served well by spending the last 10 mins. searching on Etsy, so it’s 50/50 for me. The bad taste had to come from somewhere, but comparing it to most of Etsy these days isn’t much better.
Etsy is running about 70/30 crap/real handmade these days. I wouldn’t go there for artistic inspiration.
April 20, 2011 at 7:06 pm
In her defense, $100 would buy that comb she’s so desperately lacking.
April 20, 2011 at 7:08 pm
This is CLEARLY meant to be harry potter house-elf cosplay…right?
April 20, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Wow, I thought Woolworth went out of business.
April 20, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Great, there’s a spammer on the forum. Thread is “To help me choose a color”. WTF??
April 20, 2011 at 7:22 pm
I thinky youy maey beey correcty. I choosey rainbowy.
April 20, 2011 at 7:32 pm
I think I was in an alcohol induced dream.
April 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm
OMFG! i’ve been doing crochet for 17 years and i’ve never seen anything this ugly.
April 21, 2011 at 12:39 am
I’ve been doing crochet for 20, and I have seen things this ugly. Unfortunately, I create them. And then destroy them and do something else.
April 20, 2011 at 7:20 pm
and NO, PEOPLE… the back and the sleeves don’t look cute! it’s a horrible, horrible thing!
April 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Yeah, someone’s been crafting with her beer goggles on.
April 20, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Is anyone else imagining this as a badly crafted Gone with the Wind type scenario? Like she REALLY needed an outfit for the Etsy ball so she grabbed the sewing machine, her grandmother’s doilies and made it happen.
“I’ll never go without fuckery ever again!”
April 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Maybe she’s a doily dispenser, like the tube thingy we use to store plastic shopping bags that we use to scoop the cat box?
April 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm
I just noticed that there are category tags on Regretsy. How is EVERYTHING not listed under “bullshit”?
I’m not gonna go the “grandma’s house” route with this one. I think it’s very nice. It’s hard to look good AND stand out, and the bullethole scars and armpit hair look just isn’t for everyone. Sometimes you just want to staple a bunch of shit to your shirt and call it a day.
April 20, 2011 at 8:15 pm
” Sometimes you just want to staple a bunch of shit to your shirt and call it a day.”
–AMEN
April 21, 2011 at 1:37 am
How much do I want a t-shirt that says “sometimes you just want to staple a bunch of shit to your shirt and call it a day”? ooo superbad yes…I’m getting one
April 21, 2011 at 8:30 am
Yes, but to complete the look, you will have to staple a bunch of shit to it.
April 20, 2011 at 8:28 pm
now this is the shit i come to regresty for!! my mom was visiting and looked over my shoulder. i explained what was going on with the site. she said, “no, wait, that doily thing is for real?!? it’s not a joke or something??”. thankfully, for me, mom, it’s not. because now i have something to laugh at.
April 20, 2011 at 8:31 pm
in her feedback section, it shows that she sold the same “unique, handmade” skirt at least 5 times, with the same picture. it’s patchwork, but each skirt has the same pattern. someone’s feedback was “this is half the price this would be if it was from anthropologie!”
is she really handmaking them all exactly the same? or is she another reseller? i’m confused. if she’s a reseller, where the hell did she get a wholesale price on doily vests?
April 20, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Not winning……
Beginning sewing project fail.
Color blind test fail.
Fashion sense fail.
April 20, 2011 at 9:27 pm
I don’t know if it’s the recent slew of boobs on Regretsy, or just me, but does that purple scrap of lace on the front-right look like boobs to anyone else?
April 20, 2011 at 9:34 pm
The only thing that could perfect this look would be felted wool bacon earrings and a gumball helmet.
April 20, 2011 at 9:36 pm
This is how I imagine an Etsy horror movie to begin. The doilies are similar to the face suckers in Alien, and secret acid. In this scene, a hapless hipster finds herself covered by the evil doilies and dies screaming as her fellow craftards grab their soy lattes and run for their lives.
April 20, 2011 at 9:46 pm
April 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm
All I can say is… I am sorry I was out (actually doing stuff that needed to be done) and missed this post until now. It’s like, I want to cry buckets of doily-lace-tears and hug all of the snarkiness that is in this thread. God bless us, every-one.
April 21, 2011 at 1:48 am
Does her bored look indicate that she’s actually not as satisfied with her creation as she claims to be?
(Yes, I’m always an optimist about humankind’s potential)
April 21, 2011 at 5:19 am
Oh no, this is actually a ghillie suit. She’s a CIA sniper stalking a target in a Hobby Lobby.
Camoflagez, ur dooin it wrongz!
April 21, 2011 at 6:15 am
“I am inspired by the women of the Depression era who made do with so little and created beautiful things for their families and homes.”
Well, “beautiful” really is the keyword here, isn’t it?
April 21, 2011 at 6:16 am
So does Etsy now have a category solely for “Butt-Ugly” crafts?
April 21, 2011 at 6:37 am
Anyone else remember that episode of The L Word with Jenny wearing her doily dress?
“I don’t kiss girls who wear doilies”….. no, Alice, neither do I.
April 21, 2011 at 7:45 am
NO NO NO NO NO.
STOP THAT.
Jesus.
Jesus fucking Christ. Stop thinking of doilies as appliques. They. Are. Not.
April 21, 2011 at 8:07 am
you know, I’ve seen a lot of goofy shit on this site but this is one of those things that seriously made me wtf. even the genitalia art just makes me lol. but this? why in the actual fuck would anyone think that this looks decent enough to wear, let alone SELL?
April 21, 2011 at 9:20 am
“Asymmetrical hemline”: Etsy-speak for “It came out crooked”.
April 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Ooooh, I know why you would wear this! You want to break up with your boyfriend, but you don’t have the guts to dump him. All you have to do is wear this musty mess out to meet the folks and – voila! – instant breakup!
Thank-you, Etsy!
April 21, 2011 at 1:06 pm
My needlearts friends and I agree: This is doily abuse.
April 21, 2011 at 1:06 pm
And I don’t even like doilies.
April 21, 2011 at 2:39 pm
My Bubbe would attack this model with her size A crochet hook.
April 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm
i see this object as yelling LOOKZ AT ME I CAN SEWZ SHIT TOGETHERZ
April 21, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Alright, maybe I’m mental… But is it just me, or does the doily model look a little like a younger version of our fearless leader? Like perhaps in her high school or even junior high years. Anyone? Okay, just me.
April 23, 2011 at 10:33 pm
There is only one appropriate word in this situation: FUGLY.
April 24, 2011 at 4:18 am
It’s not truly a fiesta until a sombrero is involved.