Twilight Zone
Bella Swan, about to deliver her half-vampire baby, travels to Sharpie Island and immediately grows a third breast. After forcing Edward to smell her T-shirt, she attempts to crush him with her massive thighs, but only succeeds in shrinking his feet.
* SPOILER ALERT *
April 11, 2011 at 10:36 am
This reminds me of a really bad acid trip I once had, when I hallucinated that I read the Twilight series.
April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am
You poor poor dear. Someone should make an ani-drug PSA out of that.
April 11, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Avoiding Twilight is my anti-drug…
April 11, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Something along the lines of Helen Hunt screaming and throwing herself out of the library window should work.
April 11, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Points for a vintage SNL refence!
April 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm
A bad trip that I’m sure this seller will not be responsible for in addition to his statement “No copyright infringement is intended. ”
Or could you sue him double for your bad trip dream coupled with unintentional copyright infringement.
April 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Didn’t you know? “No Copyright infringement intended,” totally means it isn’t copyright infringement. It’s a get out of jail free card!
Assuming the Federal government were run by the same people who run etsy.
October 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm
copyright infringement is a civil action; there are no “copyright police” nor is there a copyright jail, no matter what the MPAA would otherwise want you to think
April 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I’ve had that hallucination too. No… wait…. why won’t it leave… DAMN YOU REALITY AND YOUR TWILIGHT BOOKS THAT I READ.
In other news, why is she giving birth to Edward?
May 5, 2011 at 6:52 pm
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April 11, 2011 at 10:36 am
She only wanted to change the size of the smell, but it went horribly wrong.
April 11, 2011 at 11:59 am
Not only did she shrink those little piggies… she completely rearranged them!
May 6, 2011 at 8:52 pm
This might be the worst drawing I have seen in a while. I don’t know where to begin. Take some perspective drawing classes or something, sheesh!
April 11, 2011 at 10:37 am
You have to admit, the caged lemons are a nice touch.
April 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
I wonder why they are in the cages though. Maybe they attacked her and tried to eat her hair or something ridiculous.
April 11, 2011 at 10:56 am
I have to admit, I’m disappointed. I would’ve thought they would only have free range lemons. But, when life gives you vampire lemons, make caged lemonade, right?
April 11, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Every Villain Is Lemons!
May 14, 2011 at 1:12 pm
They’re combustible.
April 11, 2011 at 10:59 am
I Know Why The Caged Lemon Sings.
April 11, 2011 at 11:02 am
I bet it’s singing “Hell is for Children”. Bella is a ringer for Pat Benatar.
April 11, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Vampire Love is a Battlefield…
April 11, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Caged Lemons absolutely needs to be a band name
April 11, 2011 at 6:51 pm
I’ll suggest that to my son. “But honey, ‘Pants Are Overrated’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Caged Lemons.’
I don’t think he’s going to buy it.
April 12, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I think that she meant them to be lanterns or something like that… But I want them to be caged lemons!
April 11, 2011 at 10:37 am
All this, of course, after lighting a small tropical fruit on fire.
April 11, 2011 at 10:38 am
It looks like she amputated the bottom half of his body.
April 11, 2011 at 11:03 am
That is exactly what I thought! Looks like the bottom half of his body has been severed and thrown into the sand some twenty feet behind them.
April 11, 2011 at 11:25 am
And his left arm.
April 11, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Or her thighs are consuming him. I’m really not 100% sure whats going on between her purple thighs.
April 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I only want to see you underneath the purple thighs.
April 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm
shit. now I have Purple Rain stuck in my head.
April 11, 2011 at 10:51 pm
purple prose
purple sighs
purple love
purple…thighs?
May 29, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Didn’t that actually happen in American Gods?
April 11, 2011 at 10:38 am
I never knew that being impregnated by a vampire makes your head grow out of your sternum. Etsy teaches me something new every day.
April 11, 2011 at 2:15 pm
In addition to making your head much smaller in proportion to the rest of your body…
April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am
pardon my crass-iosity, but it looks like she’s giving birth to his upper half and pooping out his legs… I’m… I’m… oh so very disturbed by this image.
April 11, 2011 at 10:50 am
She’s using him multipurpose!
April 11, 2011 at 11:08 am
*WHEW!* I thought I was the only one seeing it that way. Good thing I read your comment before dialling 9-1-1!
April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am
If fans want to make goofy fan-art, fair enough. But trying to sell this crap is the ultimate act of hubris. It insults everybody involved, including my eyeballs. And given that I think Twilight is poorly-written drivel, it says something that this is an insult to that.
April 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm
One would think it impossible to insult the poorly written dreck that is the series, but leave it to an Etsy seller to find a way.
April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am
This is what having a love affair with a sparkly vampire will do to you!
April 11, 2011 at 10:41 am
She’s got Steve Buscemi eyes…
April 11, 2011 at 10:48 am
Isn’t that a song by Kim Carnes?
April 11, 2011 at 10:53 am
You beat me to it… Damn you.
April 11, 2011 at 12:22 pm
It’s as if Steve Buscemi and the girl from The Ring had a love child…*shudder*
April 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm
This is the result of reading Twilight…or meth. Really it’s a lateral move.
April 11, 2011 at 10:39 am
Welcome back Regretsy Lady.
Your description for this picture is actually better than anything else I’ve read regarding this “saga”.
April 11, 2011 at 10:40 am
Is his arm stuck up her…no, that can’t be right…
April 11, 2011 at 10:43 am
Nono, what am I thinking? His arm is totally up her vajayjay! That’s in book two, right?
April 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
Ewwww – that explains that third “lump” next to her breasts.
April 11, 2011 at 11:21 am
Holy crap! It totally is!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
April 11, 2011 at 10:40 am
And in an homage to her favorite Teletubbie, she morphs her ear into a triangle.
April 11, 2011 at 10:40 am
I’m gonna be frank–I read all the books twice. (Mock at your leisure.) However I do not recall Bella giving birth to a breech-presented foal from her ass, nor did it say anywhere Edward had lost his bottom half in a freak accident at the Special Olympics. Maybe I’m thinking of something else….?
April 11, 2011 at 10:46 am
Actually I think you deserve credit for having a stomach that strong! Twice??? Kudo’s to you for owning up to it!
April 11, 2011 at 11:09 am
I like to give the benefit of the doubt. lol
April 11, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Admiral, your comment says “kudos” but your avatar is horrified.
April 11, 2011 at 11:14 am
Wow! I’m known as both a lover of vampire lore and a voracious reader, and I couldn’t even finish the first book.
April 11, 2011 at 11:26 am
I, sadly, have that kind of time.
April 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm
that is very sad. Might I recommend “The Vampire Tapestries” by the awesome Suzy McKee Charnas? (if it’s still in print and you can find it, that is). That vampire isn’t sparkly at all.
April 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm
It’s okay, you’re not alone. I too read the books and enjoyed them. Yes enjoyed. I haven’t read them twice, but then I’m got too many books for this lifetime already.
April 12, 2011 at 9:44 pm
Vampire lore these books ain’t. I read them to see what the fuss was about, and I finished them because they were fluffy shit to read at the gym. But these aren’t vampires. They’re more like…unicorns. SPARKLY.
April 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm
I read them all as well, only once though. I didn’t think they were that bad, other than the whole woman struck idiotic by love thing. She really was a step back for feminism.
April 11, 2011 at 10:42 am
Shockingly enough, she did a halfway decent job with his face but that’s about the only nice thing I can say about that. She apparently is turning into the chick from “Total Recall”.
April 11, 2011 at 10:57 am
“So, Bella, when are you due?”
“In TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS! TWO WEEKS!”
April 11, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Bella, Start the reactor. Free Mars…
April 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I thought she was turning into Sigourney Weaver who’s about to scream obscenities at the alien which is presently attempting to exit from between her breasts (so THAT’s what the third lump is).
April 11, 2011 at 10:42 am
Also I don’t remember Bella having weird triangle ears either.
April 11, 2011 at 10:46 am
And, is it just me, or does her right boob look frighteningly like the head of a penis…?
April 11, 2011 at 10:47 am
Worst spin-off of Gilligan’s Island EVER.
April 11, 2011 at 2:58 pm
A three boobie tour.
April 11, 2011 at 10:48 am
Filed under “Art”?!?
April 11, 2011 at 10:53 am
With a capital F?
April 11, 2011 at 12:56 pm
it’s filed under “art” not art. So it’s appropriate.
April 11, 2011 at 10:48 am
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April 11, 2011 at 10:48 am
This just doesn’t quite capture the douche that Pattinson emits in real photos.
April 11, 2011 at 11:04 am
Vintage First Class Douche Bag!
April 11, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Desperately in need of a shower. My partner calls him ‘Sticky Boy’.
April 11, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I actually feel kinda sorry for the guy. I mean, he was picked as actor-best-able-to-represent-stalker-dickhead
April 11, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I think he gets enough tail to make up for it.
May 14, 2011 at 1:17 pm
Kinda hard to feel sorry for him now, since he’s slated to play Tetsuo in the American Akira remake (maybe).
April 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
I’m pretty sure this is actually the ending scene from Gozu.
April 11, 2011 at 11:22 am
Add in some squirting milk and I’m pretty sure you’re right.
April 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
My very favorite thing about that painting is how she copyright protected it. She thinks it is that good. She believes that we all would drag that image to our desktops and then print them out for framing purposes. That we’d use it for our Christmas cards and best yet—- birth announcements! Wow.
April 11, 2011 at 10:56 am
The watermark was what made me giggle. She needs more honest friends.
April 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
If you dare to go to the Etsy store and rummage through this girls “art” site… You will find her profile:
I live in Charlottesville, VA and have drawn and painted since I was 5 years old. I always wanted to be an artist and make a living at it but society today really isn’t on the artist’s side. I had a daughter to support so ended up in the daily grind. She is growing up now and in my spare time if I can make a little extra money and work towards my ultimate dream then so be it. Thank you for visiting my profile and kudos to all creative beings!
————-
Society isn’t on the artists side — ??? We are all against her and all the other artists out there…
April 11, 2011 at 11:13 am
No, society is full of Jealous, Fat, Angry, Art-haters.
April 11, 2011 at 11:18 am
Well, we’re all against her art. (At least, this piece of it.)
April 11, 2011 at 11:45 am
Society isn’t on your side even if you’re not a talentless wannabe-teen-mom who’s way too old for Twilight.
April 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Also… She says she’s trying to make some extra money “to support her ultimate dream.”
Can we assume her dream has something to do with mutant-looking-vampire-men-coming-out-of-her-snooty-patooty-vajayjay? Cuz, I really think that’s what selling her art for $3.ºº a pop is all about…
April 11, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Oh … no. I was holding out hope that she was 14 or under.
April 11, 2011 at 9:49 pm
I’m against her. And her art. And anyone (talented or not) who actually likes twilight enough to waste time making fan “art” of it.
April 11, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Can you actually copyright something that you stole from a book?
April 11, 2011 at 10:51 am
I’ve been wondering what Alyssa Milano would look like if she were pregnant and had lopsided boobs. And also if she were straddling a disproportionate-midget version of Robert Pattison.
April 11, 2011 at 10:52 am
However, it captures that stupid fucking look on K.S’s face in every fucking scene, perfectly. Kudos to the author!
April 11, 2011 at 10:52 am
Am I the only one who feels this is more young Kim Cattrall?
Not really relating it to the chick who can’t emote.
Clearly these are a depiction of vampire pre-natal classes. The father must sprout from the ground like a might oak and eat his way through the mother’s belly while she is practicing yoga.
April 11, 2011 at 5:20 pm
I thought maybe he was buried in the sand.
April 11, 2011 at 7:01 pm
totally off topic, but young Kim Catrall…yowza!
April 11, 2011 at 10:53 am
*Artist. And Kudos to the author, for making a million dollars by repeating yourself every five seconds, by breaking every rule of writing EVA! and by pushing back the woman’s movement by 50 years. Yah.
April 11, 2011 at 10:57 am
I don’t know, she appears to be smothering that guy with a fetus. That’s feminism at it’s finest!
April 11, 2011 at 10:54 am
I like the watermark especially. Takes a brave person to own up to being responsible for that crap! Or a foolish one.
April 11, 2011 at 10:58 am
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… you can be moved by a novel or characters in a book. Fine. Be moved. Do art. That’s fantastic that you’re so moved that you feel the urge to share it that way…
But at least be fucking original! What these people are doing is re-creating the shit from the movie. Let’s not even use our own imagination to create an original work of art from something we feel inspiration from… no. Let’s just bastardize someone else’s version of the novel.
And if you’re using the movie as your base and have never read the books, then there’s a special place in fan-hell for you. I think it’s near the boiler room of Satan’s latrine.
Also, I’ve been informed by the teen-ager who has read all the books, that this hasn’t happened in the movie series yet. So your movie depiction of the book’s storyline is too early.
April 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
“near the boiler room of satan’s latrine” LOL!
and you’re right. there was a time i was bored enough to read all 4 books in 3 or 4 weeks. and yes, Bella has a baby on the 4th book. and then Jacob imprints on the baby. spoiler alert but i don’t think anybody here cares. ha!
April 11, 2011 at 11:13 am
Maybe it’s the mom in me, but did anyone else (who has also somehow sadly read the book) find the baby imprinting thing to be even creepier than this “art”?
That just beyond freaked me out when I read it. Also, gotta love her description of childbirth…
April 11, 2011 at 11:54 am
I can’t remember where I read it, but somewhere, someone said “I’m not Team Edward or Team Jacob. I’m Team Horrific Vampire Caesarean Section,” or something to that effect. That’s my team, too.
April 11, 2011 at 11:57 am
I haven’t read the books, but my kid did tell me about it and said, “It isn’t as creepy as I’m making it sound.”
Really? Yeesh.
April 11, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I think this sums it all up rather nicely, creepy-ass shit and all.
http://www.chud.com/21684/the-devins-advocate-why-breaking-dawn-must-be-made-into-a-movie/
April 11, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Yep. Raising your own future love interest is creepy as fuck.
April 11, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I have no idea what y’all are talking about having avoided all this crap so far, but it sounds even worse than “Time Enough for Love” (Heinlien) where in the hero clones female versions of himself and then impregnates them the old fashioned way once they’re past the age of consent.
After going back in time and fucking his mother, as well.
April 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Princess Buzzkill, when you talk about my Daddy that way it makes me sad.
April 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm
No.
That’s not actually what happens, is it?
Is it?
No.
Seriously?
No!
I read the first three books, thinking all the time, “why am I still reading these? Nothing’s happening,” but it was like Pringles. I got it out of my system before “Breaking Dawn” was published, and never had any desire to pick up the thread. Thankfully! That’s some twisted creepy sick garbage right there. Unless you’re all joking? Tell me you are!
April 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Not joking, Catt. Thankfully, I never read past the first book, but I remember my sister trying to explain the last book to me long before I found that article. My reaction was slack-jawed what-the-fuckness. I thought my sister was out of her mind. Come to find out, it wasn’t her at all.
April 11, 2011 at 5:09 pm
It’s not just you. The imprinting is creepy as hell. But what’s worse is that the daughter matures physically at an accelerated rate, so she looks like an adult woman by the time she’s 7. Or something like 7; I forget the exact age. I just remember she’s still a little child, but the book thinks it will be A-OK for her to have an adult relationship. Yuuuuuck.
April 11, 2011 at 11:28 am
I take offense at that!!! I’ve made terrific fan art in homage to the entire Star Wars series and I’ve never once even touched the books! My fan art is the BEST…(what?)…uh, hold on a second. (What’s that? The movies came first?) As it turns out, well…nevermind. Carry on!
April 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm
One of my favorite paragraphs in Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins sums up art for me:
If there’s a thing, a scene, maybe, an image that you want to see real bad, that you need to see but it doesn’t exist in the world around you, at least not in the form you envision, then you create it so you can look at it and have it around, or show it to other people who wouldn’t have imagined it because they perceive reality in a more shallow, predictable way. And that’s it. That’s all an artist does
That is not what these people do.
April 11, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Love, love, love Tom Robbins!
April 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I would hope there isn’t a scene in the movie that looks quite this disturbing
April 11, 2011 at 10:58 am
This right here is why people need to be honest with their talently challenged relations.
April 11, 2011 at 10:59 am
Does anyone else think the weird way her arm is coming out the back of her neck makes her look like Trogdor?
http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/photos/uncategorized/2008/11/09/trogdor3.jpg
It would at least explain the burnination going on in those weird little cages…
April 11, 2011 at 11:21 am
“I said Consummate V’s” Better keep those caged lemons from the thatched roof cottages!
April 11, 2011 at 11:40 am
And the Trogdor gives birth in the niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!
April 11, 2011 at 11:55 am
She wouldn’t know majesty if it bit her in the face.
May 6, 2011 at 6:30 am
OMG This is the best little comment sub-thread in this whole awful mess. TROGDOR!! Going to watch it *again* right now.
April 11, 2011 at 11:02 am
So, she only has one leg?
April 11, 2011 at 11:07 am
is she an Elf now?
April 11, 2011 at 11:11 am
See the lack of expression on her face?
My bet is Vulcan.
April 11, 2011 at 11:56 am
So clearly, this is some sort of Star Trek/Twilight mash-up, and we get to see the results of Pon Farr. Killer.
April 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm
My little nerd heart just skipped a couple of beats at this. Thank you.
April 11, 2011 at 11:07 am
I had a hunch that this was traced from some photo (if you look at the rest of her work, you can tell they are as well). So I did a little image search, and low and behold, it appears this amazing piece was created from two images overlapping eachother, which would explain the awkward dimensions…..so pretty…..
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ssSucj5s0mM/SZ69ugSaOgI/AAAAAAAAHsc/lVYL-VEkqJA/s400/pregnantbella.png
http://img.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/twi0022stt3__oPt.jpg
April 11, 2011 at 12:27 pm
I purchased some custom Firefly and Numb3rs fan art from an etsy seller a while back, and I was impressed at her mad skills at portraying the scenes I asked for. I commissioned a third, more complex piece, and when I received it I realized that the seller was printing out screencaps on art paper. She then traced over them with colored pencils. *sigh* So much for supporting and encouraging someone I thought was a wonderful fan-artist.
April 11, 2011 at 10:20 pm
This whole tracing thing is running rampant in fan art and in regular mainstream art. On the art communities I frequent, there are regular debates over whether it’s okay to trace photos. Some artists get so defensive about drawing vs. tracing. There are those who think that drawing is “too hard” or “takes too long” or “it’s hard to get accurate” so they can trace instead. (There is a lot more to this than I can cover here, though.)
For those non-artists out there—if you think that every piece of artwork you see (by professionals or amateurs) is drawn freehand by a talented skilled artist, dream on. A lot of it is traced. Not all of it, thank goodness, but you’d be surprised.
April 11, 2011 at 11:09 am
Having been forced to watch the movies by my young niece, I think the most frightening part about this is that Bella looks more like Edward’s sister Alice.
(in case the pic moratorium is still in effect, http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qMTgD3aTrug/SxNSXNHZTKI/AAAAAAAAAEk/P8drXweQgm4/s1600/ashley_greene-13369.gif)
April 11, 2011 at 11:09 am
Bella must have face planted at some point to get that lovely flat look to her head.
Macking on a werewolf caused that triangle ear! Exactly why you should only sleep with dead people.
April 11, 2011 at 11:10 am
I think Helen found herself a new career- Producer of prego vampire porn
April 11, 2011 at 11:17 am
Rule 34
April 11, 2011 at 11:13 am
I see some Regretsy Math in this, but my Photoshop skills are 3rd grade level so I’ll go with words:
(Rob Pattinson – left arm and lower half of body) + (Kirstie Alley as Kristen Stewart + third boob + basketball) = this drawing
Also, it looks like they may have a rat problem on the island. I see some droppings next to those flaming caged lemons.
April 11, 2011 at 11:17 am
Hah. Snarky minds thinking alike, at the same time even!
April 11, 2011 at 11:21 am
Is this Regretsy Algebra?!
April 11, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Regretsy Pre-Algebra. If I can do it drunk it counts as math.
Actually I used to tutor high school math after sleepless drunken nights spent in Atlantic City… so I can pretty much do most math drunk. But I still feel like it counts.
April 12, 2011 at 10:06 am
Perhaps the leg portion is actually Maksim Chmerkovskiy pinned helplessly underneath?
April 11, 2011 at 11:16 am
Are those lemons pooping? Little teeny seed-like craps?
April 11, 2011 at 11:18 am
I think he looks like The Riddler with that little face mask he is wearing.
April 11, 2011 at 11:18 am
I see he’s taken to stowing his shoulder in her hoohoo.
April 11, 2011 at 11:28 am
Her ear makes her look Vulcan. Live long and prosper.
April 11, 2011 at 11:36 am
The only thing that would have made this better is if it had been a multi media project and she put a crochet vagi-gi and a dead rat baby on it.
April 11, 2011 at 11:38 am
I totally just bought it. For my friend. (:
April 11, 2011 at 11:42 am
Oh! I missed your post that said you bought it! Cool! Do you hate your friend?
April 11, 2011 at 5:08 pm
haha! No, she’s gonna LOVE it. (:
April 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Darn it! You beat me to it! I was going to buy this for my friend as well! She would have kicked my ass from here to the next sequel!
April 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I’m guessing here, but I’ll bet if you contact the seller, she’ll overcome her reticence to duplicate her own copyrighted art and trace you another one.
April 11, 2011 at 11:41 am
Yo, who bought it? And what are tou going to DO with it?
April 11, 2011 at 11:43 am
YOU- oops
April 11, 2011 at 11:42 am
I need Brain Bleach.
You think this chick might have some? http://www.regretsy.com/2011/02/09/douche-ex-machina/
April 11, 2011 at 11:55 am
It wouldn’t be so bad if all her work wasn’t so obviously traced. Somehow that makes it worse.
April 11, 2011 at 11:58 am
Holy copyright violation, Batman.
April 11, 2011 at 12:12 pm
At “The Island”? Is this some horrible Twilight/LOST mashup in the making?
April 11, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Where’s Ben Linus when you need him? Hell, I’d settle for a polar bear attack. Anything to end this torture.
April 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Go look at her other pieces. This one is one of her best.
Not. Kidding.
April 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm
This would be perfect for Fuck Yeah Terrible Art if it still existed.
April 11, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I’ve never read the books, I’ve only seen the films in their french canadian versions because the accents make me tear up, and I steer clear of fanart.
But this is pure comic genius!
April 11, 2011 at 12:27 pm
I like that in her shop, she has pieces called “It takes two” and “It takes three.” HOW MANY DOES IT TAKE?! I’M SO CONFUSED!
April 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm
This made me think of the Goddess in “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman who swallows men with her vagina. Looks like she’s already engulfed most of him.
Side note: I know this is nitpicky, but she’s pregnant, he’s kissing her belly, they are on some romantic island, they are supposedly wildly in love and she isn’t even LOOKING at him? The evident boredom makes me doubt her commitment.
April 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm
No, no. That is Kristen Stewart’s “excited and totally in love” expression. It’s just too bad it’s on someone else’s face.
April 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Whoops! Forgot to de-italicize. Why isn’t there a preview button?!?! (What? Oh, I see.) Nevermind!
April 11, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Wait, wait, de-italicize why? I think I need a Regretsy posting handbook.
April 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Yeah. Remember, Kristen Stewart only has one facial expression, & that’s it, so the same expression can mean “excited and totally in love”, angry, sad, happy, bored, butthurt, etc. I just wanna know why this “artist” gave her pointy elf ears.
April 11, 2011 at 8:32 pm
I know it’s not related, but have you read “Good Omens”? I think it is my absolute favorite book of all time. Gaiman AND Terry Pratchett.
April 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm
Mine too! “‘What’s this here’, he said suspiciously, about us got to give you faggots?’ ‘oh, we have to have them,’ said Newt. ‘We burn them.’…..’Right on!’” Gaiman & Pratchett FTW.
April 11, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Is it just me, or does this look traced? I mean, the anatomy on the face closeups looks okay (not great or 100% accurate, but not completely godawful), but it’s not quite perfect enough for it to escape the uncanny valley. Like, the face on this one is okay, but the rest of it, especially the wings, look like they were done by a different person, like the understanding of anatomy varied between the face and the wings. I’m guessing she traced the face and drew the rest of it around it.
April 11, 2011 at 12:54 pm
I would say there’s a 100% possibility that she traces all the faces, except for the ones that are really bad, considering I’ve seen most of the faces on her “art” plastered on magazines for the past two years.
April 11, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Yeah, I keep the hell away from magazines in general, especially if they’ve got something so obviously suck on it, so that makes sense.
Did she really think nobody would notice the mostly okay faces with the super janky bodies?
Also: Her shading and coloring leaves much to be desired. I bet if she spent as much time learning how to draw instead of just tracing, she wouldn’t have ended up on this site with a thousand people snarking at her suckage.
April 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Yeah, I really can tell she has an appreciation for fine art judging by her obvious consideration of proportions, depth of field and light source. In other words, she’s awful.
April 11, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Oh, evidently I’m not the only one who thinks this looks traced. COOL KIDS COMMENT BEFORE READING PREVIOUS COMMENTS.
April 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm
This picture just makes me laugh at the way the branches look like they are growing out of her head.
April 11, 2011 at 3:02 pm
You mean they’re not? I thought those were horns.
April 12, 2011 at 1:49 am
Like a jackalope…
April 11, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I like how her hands are quintuple-jointed. She also looks like she’s crapping.
April 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm
And her right thigh is fuckin’ HUGE! I mean look at that thing! It’s taking over her body. Poor little left thigh got nothin’.
April 11, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Baby got back!
April 11, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Is this done to tell us that she’s bat-taking-a-shit crazy?
April 11, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Did anyone else notice her shop name? Robsten art? As in, Rob Pattinson and Kristen, whatever her last name is? *Barf!* Oh, and this scene wasn’t actually in the book. They left the island well before Bella was that far along in her surprisingly and unnaturally swift pregnancy. God. Being reminded of this book is just painful. I read the series too. To my credit, I was three months pregnant when I did, and I still thought the last two books were crap. This scene the “artist” has provided us is completely a fabrication of her own imagination. Nothing remotely like this happens in the book.
April 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm
weren’t you afraid it would mutate your baby if you read that while preggers?
April 11, 2011 at 3:03 pm
A little, the hormones won out, though. Did I mention I was also single? lol!
April 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm
This must be how vampires reproduce. Woman on top, man bites uterus with semen loaded fangs and WAAAAH LAAAAH! Pregnant as a mofo.
April 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Just so you know, this is supposed to be Edward, Bella, and their daughter. I think that’s all I need to say about it…
April 11, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Why is there no pedowolf in the background?
April 11, 2011 at 6:41 pm
This belongs on awkwardfamilyphotos.com.
May 6, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Original:
April 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Dammit!
The spoiler alert is supposed to go BEFORE you give away the ending!
You just ruined it for me!
April 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm
this is the kind of stuff we were churning out in high school in our notebooks instead of taking notes in class.
and also some of the stuff you’d see at regional SF conventions in the art show, in the “non-professional” categories. And then you’d turn the corner and see stuff by Michael Whelan, Tom Kidd and other pro artists…
April 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Yes the world is tough on artists, what with the expectation of skill, talent for expression, and style and what not.
I have piles of notebooks with these types of janky figures. The usual method to art is 1) Practice 2)practice 3)practice 4)Get slightly better 5)practice 6)practice 7)practice 8)Get a bit more better 9)repeat. No place in that sequence does it say “sell your crap on etsy” at least not till you’ve repeated the cycle a billion plus times.
April 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm
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April 12, 2011 at 10:15 am
I have a friend who enjoys reading fanfic online. If I could get past the horrific grammar and spelling, I still wouldn’t be able to cope with the massive embarrassment for the people who wrote it, since they don’t seem to be. This is what journals are made for.
April 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm
You’ve hit it on the head. I used to draw in my school notebooks. I never had the illusion I had talent, it was just for fun/to pass time. And it looked a lot like some of the items in this seller’s store.
As I said, the item April picked is really one of the best one or two of the whole bunch. It actually looks like Pattison’s face.
April 11, 2011 at 1:48 pm
It has a blogspot begging for comments and whinging about her bad experiences with Bank of America and perhaps a landlord. Crazy is as crazy does.
http://www.robstenart.com/
April 11, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Poor sad little blog.
I want to leave a comment but the snark that stands in for my soul won’t allow it.
April 12, 2011 at 1:54 am
It made me cringe to see “You can find me on Etsy” after every entry, even the non-art entries.
“Help me sue Bank of America and buy my stuff on Etsy”
April 11, 2011 at 2:29 pm
OMG the blogspot is so perfectly wonderful. I am hoping she hears back from Ellen on the very important topic of twilight addiction…you know since Oprah’s show ends forever this season.
April 11, 2011 at 3:02 pm
She left in her phone number and full name in one of her posts.
April 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm
HAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, why would anyone want to sit and listen to crazy people talk about Twilight for an hour?!
April 11, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Especially Oprah, say what you will about talk shows but at least she usually has meaningful guests and topics on her show. This lady sure thinks highly of herself and her watermarked art.
April 11, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Wait…what are WE doing?
April 11, 2011 at 3:51 pm
She has started deleting pages…
April 11, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Honestly, even if were expertly drawn, Robert Pattinson shoving his face into Kristen Stewart’s bloated, engorged belly while she straddles him on a candlelit beach is not something I would want to see anyway.
Actually, I think it’s a blessing that it’s not realistically drawn.
April 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm
The original wasn’t exactly perfect… Copying off a bad photoshop picture doesn’t give you anything that’s realistic.
April 11, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Yes, but at least she only has two tits in this picture.
April 11, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Oh dear. I didn’t realize that was an actual thing. You know how they say ignorance is bliss?
April 12, 2011 at 3:56 am
Actually looking through her artworks then doing an image search shows all sorts of twilight inspired photoshopped fuckery which she has traced from for her original works. I would post them but I wanted to spare all regrestians the eye watering pain.
April 12, 2011 at 6:23 am
Here is the disclaimer she has in her shop. Note that what is said at the bottom
April 12, 2011 at 10:19 am
Oh, well, as long as it’s not intended…
May 5, 2011 at 6:50 pm
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May 6, 2011 at 5:46 am
Who the hell wants to read posts and posts about her fucking mortgage? She needs to pull her head out of her ass.
May 6, 2011 at 9:11 am
Here, I thought maybe she needed a very basic lesson in the Art of Tracing (and copyrighting). She claims on her Shop Announcements that she didn’t trace this… uh, yeah right. “PS- To all those Regretsy users who tore my art apart by speculating about my technique, wrongly accusing me of tracing, and malisciously insulting my shop and blog, please feel free to post whichever piece you like and give me more publicity. Thanks!”
Art of Tracing, Basics
April 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Along with not being able to draw, she thinks it’s OK to use a decorative font in all caps on her blog. My eyes hurt.
May 6, 2011 at 3:15 pm
I hate when people use all caps in fancy fonts.
April 11, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Caged Lemon Scants with Sharpie Accents, that’s what I want.
April 11, 2011 at 6:42 pm
I hear Esme Cove is lovely this time of year, and far less touristy than Kokomo.
April 11, 2011 at 7:14 pm
It’s crap like this that makes me miss Nosferatu. Or even the original Dracula. Vampires are supposed to be evil. They should not sparkle, and becoming one should not be one’s major goal in life.
Also, they’re dead, so they can’t reproduce. At least the author of the ‘True Blood’ series managed to get that right.
April 12, 2011 at 10:21 am
I have an icon I made for facebook, it says, “If I wanted a sparkly vampire, I’d bedazzle Nosferatu.”
April 11, 2011 at 7:20 pm
i took one look at this and thought both of them had been fused in some horrible lab accident….
April 11, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I can’t get past the observation that his neck and ear look like a huge penis springing from her lady parts.
April 11, 2011 at 7:53 pm
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April 11, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Guys I think I can explain what’s actually going on here.
Bella, which was also the name of an ancient slutty fertility goddess, is in the middle of forming three or four more breasts in her stomach, that will burst forth and travel upwards. Eventually one of them will fall off and form her immortal offspring. Edward, who here really represents an Orpheus like figure will soon be drawn back to hell because he looked behind himself on the way out of the underworld to see if Bella (Baal-a?) was behind him. They only have moments in the springtime before Edward is cast down into darkness forever. The lemons are actually quinces, aka the Golden Apples, which Edward stole for her, so that she may wait an eternity for his petulant, boring personality to escape the bonds of pushing a half dozen bad vehicles all over Hades’ realm.
Also she will give birth to a vampire baby and that baby will be eaten by vultures every single day it is born.
April 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm
A scenario in which Bella looks like an obese demented elf (with three boobs and two kneecaps on one giant thigh) whose crotch is quickly devouring the entire left side of Edward’s body is still somehow less disturbing than book four of this series. Not that I read book four. Or am admitting to reading it in a public forum or anything. At least I don’t remember what it’s called … that’s gotta count for something, right? (sigh. now I must wear the cone of shame.)
May 5, 2011 at 6:47 pm
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May 6, 2011 at 12:59 am
By later pieces you mean the ones you traced and copied straight from photos? I’m an artist and trust me, if you want to improve your skills or make sales, copying someone else’s work is not the way to go. People can tell and they appreciate original work far more than the junk they’ve already seen all over movie posters.
Original artwork doesn’t get bashed here (well, most the time). People who are trying to profit from copying what someone else copied, are fair game as far as I’m concerned.
April 11, 2011 at 11:27 pm
When the fuck is all this twilight shit gonna be over? I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that one day this *will* be over, & that the “actors” from those movies will eventually go away, but then I realize that when that happens, something just as stupid will take it’s place. *sigh* I’m just amazed at the sheer volume of twilight fan art on Etsy. I think this is my favorite so far – MATURE OOAK TWILIGHT Fertility Painting:
April 12, 2011 at 10:24 am
Wait… not only are the vampires sparkly, but they have brightly colored plumage for pubic hair too? I guess I should have read past the second book…
April 12, 2011 at 5:32 am
wait–where is his left arm?
Or do I not want to know?
April 12, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I should have known better- I searched “Twilight” on Etsy…. and this is one of the things. I found. We’ve had sparkly male genitalia, why not go the other way?
April 13, 2011 at 12:59 am
Damn you! I thought it was just a shell when I was scrolled all the way to the bottom and could only see a small bit of the picture. I should have known better.
April 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Oooh. I wonder whether the sex shops sell sparkly vampire dildos. That would be KEWL.
May 6, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Oh, of course they do!
http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Product_Code=VAMP&Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD
NSFW, obviously. Oh, and you can put it in the fridge so it’s ice cold, just like a vampire!
May 6, 2011 at 12:02 am
You know, even after I read her email complaint, I was actually going to write her something supportive, like that it is brave of her to put her work out there while she is still developing as an artist, and although she really should only being trying to sell work she’s truly proud of, she should persevere because handling criticism is an important part of her creative growth.
But now, aside from her “fuck you”ing all over this thread, you mean to tell me that her paintings are TRACED FROM OTHER PEOPLE’S Photoshop work? That on top of trying to sell her own self-admitted screw-ups and being thin-skinned about it (Hello, hon? You’ve heard of this whole recycling thing? That means that when you screw up a canvas beyond all hope, you go ahead and gesso it up it and start the hell over, not try to pass it off as the Mona fucking Lisa), she’s also pulling a GlitterBiscuits and is a fucking THIEF? The HUBRIS!
May 6, 2011 at 6:02 am
When someone snaps like that, you do have to wonder what’s up. I saw on her posts that she has a website, so thought I’d go exploring.
If you take a look at her blog, it’s not that amazing that she didn’t take the “teasing” we do very well. We are a rough crowd, for the most part.
Lost her job in December, then went through a thing with Bank of America in which she lost her house – one of those deals where they ran her around and around. I dealt with them for years, then refinanced with a credit union rather than continue to be yanked around.
So, perhaps she didn’t have a lot of emotional resources to tap into.
The tracing stuff isn’t good. Desperate people do desperate things (yeah, so negative vote me – I’ve been a bleeding heart liberal for over 50 years
). Might I add that it would help if Etsy gave a damn about copyright infringements, too since her stuff is mostly Twilight.
May 6, 2011 at 9:26 am
How do I get two negatives and she is at zero?
May 6, 2011 at 10:35 am
I dunno…I think you are a sweetie. That was kind of you. Positive now, yes?
Meanwhile….How interesting. We were on the verge of losing our house thanks to BofA after TWO YEARS trying to refi after an assfucking by Countrywide…and we ALSO found a credit union that solved the problem…in two weeks. Two freaking weeks.
I love credit unions.
I feel sort of bad for her. Can’t help it. Have had a bad run of luck this last six weeks and have lately been struck with something close to compassion as a result. Even for a crazy lady spitting and spewing “fuck you”s, in all caps like a demonic Water Willy.
Anyone who doesn’t understand how astonishingly ineffective that is here is most likely a wee bit unhinged.
May 6, 2011 at 8:54 am
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May 6, 2011 at 9:15 am
I take back every sympathetic thing I just posted. Except the primer on the Art of Tracing. That + mark there was me, accidentally hitting the wrong button.
Young lady, you need help. Seek it.
May 6, 2011 at 9:48 am
Your hatred is fuel to the fire, lady.
I am also an artist, and I have two bits of advice for you through all of this, and it’s NOT about art quality or anything like that…because *anything* can be art:
Here is my advice: When you create art, the SECOND you create it….in your sketchbook, in your studio, in a classroom, whatever…it INSTANTLY is out in the public, naked and quivering, waiting to get ripped apart from art critics to your loved ones to poeple on online foums. People sometimes say things I don’t want to hear about my art. I either digest what they say and try to change my art, or I brush their comments aside and keep doing it my way. In either case, I don’t let it affect me personally. Laugh it off, let it roll off your back, punch a pillow if you’re mad, then pick the pencil up and keep going. Also…if you’re tracing anything in your art, it’s not *your* art. Look at a picture you like for inspiration, then turn it over and draw from your heart.
May 6, 2011 at 5:34 pm
‘cept you’re lying is all…just out and out. If all you trace are the faces then explain the preggo/hippo/bella photo you traced down to the size of Edward’s freakish feet? OHHHH…I know…your own art part was the lumpy hills and the lightening bug lanterns….”clap…clap” Genius.
May 6, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Do you do requests? This would be magical for “inspiration”
May 6, 2011 at 9:29 pm
This picture is so terribly awesome. It looks like Bella is giving birth to Edward and she has thunder thighs!
May 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm
At least the artist (and I use that term extremely lightly) managed to capture Kristen Stewart’s patented “no fucking emotion whatsoever” expression…