If I fall in love with these like Jack and Rose fell in love does that mean I will have to watch as they slowly sink into the ocean one night after I fall off a boat? I don’t know if I can handle that.
I was 13 in 1997, and I felt like the only 13 year old girl on the planet who didn’t enjoy the movie Titanic. I spent the whole movie (all 35466 hours of it) waiting for the inevitable sinking of the boat and trying to remember if I knew Leo from Growing Pains or Family Ties.
But I would watch the hell out of this Titanic 2. Clearly I’m not meant for polite society.
I was 14 and in band. Our band director decided to create a new level of hell by choosing the Broadway Musical Titantic for our marching show. For Christmas, my kind-hearted parents bought me the shirt “the boat sank, get over it.” Love my parents.
I was about 13 as well. Titanic was my absolute favorite movie for the next 5 years. Why? A giant fucking boat sinks and a ton of people die! I was enthralled!
As a future drama/film geek I loved Titanic at the age of 13 too. But for totally different reasons. I liked the lighting and background work. Sad I know.
i successfully avoided titanic til i visited NY in ’99 with a friend and her psychotic fiancée. He rented it. could’ve told her right then that marriage was doomed. this film, however, i would pay to see.
I felt the same way. I could not believe that it took the damn boat that long to sink.
I had a hard time not laughing when Jack finally died. All the other girls in the audience were crying and it was just so funny to hear them. My friends brother started to laugh and that finally set me off. We were not liked by anyone in the audience.
“Fall in love with your new boots like Jack and Rose did…”
So I have to be promised to another pair of much nicer and more expensive boots that abuse my feet, but will help out my entire family by our relationship before I fall in love with these boots?
I can’t. I’m deeply involved with a pair of boots already. He’s a DOCTOR! And he’s hip and with it. That’s what the kids say these days, right? “Hip and with it”? Yeah. Dr Martens knows the way to my heart.
I find it funny that I wouldn’t have understood this last week. Thanks be to my father in law who demanded I watch Jeeves and Wooster with him this last weekend.
You know, the existing toe pattern is kind of reminiscent of ocean waves–there should be little painted debris with little painted people desperately clinging to it.
And the propeller should be worked into the whole thing somehow. Maybe coming out of the back of the heels?
And it could be like those hand-held misting fans and spray water with red food coloring with every step. And there could be a squeaking mechanism that sounds like screaming.
When I saw “Titanic” in the theater, I got up about an hour in and went to the bathroom. When I came back, I went into the other theater that was showing “Titanic” that had started an hour earlier.
I walked in and saw people being lowered into lifeboats.
You took the words from my mouth. The only way these Titanic (1912) boots could be Victorian is if the Queen herself came back as a zombie. Which is possible, considering the missing limbs and what not.
Oh I can. I am a slave to the laceup granny boots. The more pointy toe-ed the better. I am forever my gothy, 1983 self from the mid-calf down. It’s sort of sad, but I live with it.
These, in spite of being very very awesome in their badness, are too round in the toe and thick in the ankle for me, though…(she wrote, as if this would be her only deterrent..)..
Orge, I ordered some new granny-boots online mere months ago I’m never gonna stop being slightly goth. Rock on, dude/dudette!
I’m about 5 years too young to have indulged in the wonderful 1980′s. I’d have come out a much cheerier person if I’d come of age to all that eyeliner, synth and wackiness! Instead I had to be a closeted 80′s fan (anyone remember the SCORN in which 80′s stuff was held? before it was old enough to have retro charm?)in the days of grunge. Bah!
Titanic was two eras past the Victorian era. The Edwardian period was after the Victorian, and the Edwardian ended in 1910. The 1910s were a time of great transition and saw the corset fall out of fashion from being a must-wear to something only the “old” wore (like bra-burning, only with corsets), the rise of hemlines, and art deco coming into favor. This is nothing at all like the Victorian era.
I’ll shut up now before I start a lecture on fashion eras.
Just let me say, that seller is full of whatever you want to call those boots.
I see things on eBay listed as Renaissance, Civil War, AND Titanic, and things are listed like this all the time. Someone looking for something from the post-Edwardian.start-of-Art-Deco era isn’t going to decide some bad Renaissance costume will work. Maybe Craigslist sellers learn their fauxstory from eBay sellers.
No kidding… try looking for any kind of Victorian clothing on ebay, you’ll get a hundred listings for Nerf Mavericks. How does this fall under clothing?
The end of an era named after a monarch technically ends with that monarch’s death, even if fashion remains the same for a while. The Victorian era ended at the beginning of 1901, with the death of Queen Victoria. The Edwardian era was very short. It started in early 1901, with the beginning of Edward’s reign, and ended not even 10 full years later when he died. So 1912 was not Edwardian era.
I know..so frustrating. Edwardian Era to the Teens: Stunning clothing and hats in delicate fabric, flattering lines, and unusual pleating and draping, radical changes in hemline and waist..Huge hats making their way to small cloches. Yum to both.
Victorian Era: Wool,wool and more wool, heavy pleating and heavy undies, with fussy little hats. blech.
Some might argue that the sinking of the Titanic itself was the end of the Edwardian era. The important people who were killed, the important people who were saved, and the “unimportant” people who never got anywhere near a lifeboat all contributed to a social and political change.
And while women in 1911 still wore corsets, they were much less curvy than during the Victorian era.
Using the names of fixed time periods to represent a cultural era never works well. What we think of as “the 60s” didn’t really start until the middle of the decade.
I am also inspired by Victorian styles. However, the Titanic sunk during the reign of Edward, so wrong era, Snippy. I know, I know: similarity, but also differents.
Worst. Movie. Ever. The boots would be OK, if they were not plastic and not painted so poorly. Try experimenting on old canvas sneakers before ruining your next pair of boots.
I would enjoy watching Mondo Pagan (the first cut) more than “Prince of Tides” a second time. The director is heavily influenced by Ed Wood, and I was too drunk to fully understand the implications when I agreed to have some of my music used for the soundtrack of this… thing.
I am going to rent this one right now. I have watched alot of the mst3ks’ but not this one? All the ones listed above are great! I also like Mitchell with Joe Don Baker. He is a sweaty beast of a man.
What bothered me about the movie was that they spent a lot of money and time to make sure things were as historically accurate as possible, then the goofs were obvious to anyone who’s studied the history of the ship.
I have to admit I’m a fan of Plan 9 from Outer Space, though I always have trouble in the scene with “Two Dudes Talking in Vaguely Military Uniforms in a Room with a Red Phone.”
We have this AWESOME thing in the Edmonton (Alberta, Canada) film-geek culture: some locals who are film geeks AND improv geeks will hilariously snark & heckle a cheesy movie, and then at intermission there’s often an educational presentation correcting the misconceptions said movie portrays. The first one I saw was a Segal flick…PERFECT for taking the piss outta! Everyone everywhere should have access to these events; I get SMILE CRAMPS! We call it “Turkey Shoot”. They’ve likely already done Titanic AND the other self-important fluff you mention.
What a fabulous idea! I live in a historic district with old theatre that just got grants for adding stage lights and a screen system. A “Turkey Shoot”-type event would be PERFECT for a fundraiser!
Etsy Tags: man-made (not handmade), size 7.5 (200 each of 30 other sizes available in same man-made subtance and I can’t tell what that is), wave height may vary, dress color may vary, hair color may vary, don’t be mad at me if I run out of blue, qualifies as Vintage because I say so. See me featured on the front page. Shipping (I took out the shoe-lasts because I’m going to use them for my next listing) is ony $24.95 per boot; all purchases shipped on the 3rd Friday of the 4th month during a full moon. Otherwise don’t convo me.
$175 and not even leather? Clearly I’ve missed my calling. I’m going to start painting bad art on vinyl shoes and selling them at a triple markup. Visa and Mastercard, kiss my ass!
My cats also want these things. I keep telling them that they never play with the overpriced things they already own, but no. They must have these overpriced things as well.
And what would happen if someone were to try to sell human leather? The Etsy people might stop petting the steampunktopus long enough to acknowledge and then continue drinking milkweed tea out of cups made by someone who really likes stoneware.
If these boots have been kicking around since the 1900s, I think that calls for a price markdown. Somehow I doubt the Crusty Used Boots of the Ocean lasted as well as the Heart if the Ocean.
The idea of a William Howard Taft buttplug makes my sphincter instinctively cringe. Inserting anything large enough to fit a portrait of that man on it would lead to nothing short of an ass-pocalypse…
In fact, there were Steiff Teddy Bears in the Titanic giftshop. I saw a vintage photo years ago when I used to frequent the AOL Steiff board. There was a Steiff Polar Bears that “survived” the disaster, and the Steiff company, in 1912, made a special run of 1000 black mourning bears to honor the Titanic dead.
Besides, Titanic buttplugs only sound like a good idea. You think they’d be indestructable, but in reality, you get about halfway through, then they break off and fall in, and no one enjoys that.
….and this would be the exact point where a small, innocent, never to be mentioned again, but fervent crush on mapleleaves would spark into a tiny blue flame.
I don’t normally laugh at art like that as I find it nice in a naive kind of way, but… BUT when the price comes into equation… Are there still that many Titanic/DiCaprio fans that the price could be justified? Now if it was twilight that would be a different story.
I guess if she reads regretsy she might… There has already been keds with twilight artwork featured on regretsy (of similar style:)) and the gal made a fortune on her twilight keds (from what I remember)…
Okay, so I just checked out the listing and the price has now been dropped to $135. Now, you can find these boots without “painting” for $30 (which includes shipping). So basically, you’re paying $105 for the “artwork”.
For the “artwork” that you will wear on your feet and potentially step in dog shit with.
If she adds the well known here octopuses to each shoe (representing ocean fauna) she would be able to add “steampunk” to her tags and hopefully sell it faster.
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it’s fugly as can be. On the other hand, I am in love with every part of Stephen Fry, so it does have that going for it.
If I’m going to buy over-priced granny boots badly hand-painted with a scene from a movie I despise, the maker had better get the era right at least >:|
I DARE you all to feast your eyes on this bit if fuckery and watch all 9 parts in their entirety- Titanic: the legend goes on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOX7UHoT1Ug&feature=related
(it is in english once you get past the credits)
Those are horrible. It really bothers me that the person who made these didn’t bother to paint more of Rose and Jack. Now they are just floating there. And that’s not even the biggest problem…
In fact, I recommend watching A Night to Remember on TCM and downloading pictures of Kate Winslet’s titties. You’ll get mostly the same story, it will take less time, and you won’t have to listen to Celine Dion and all that flute music.
April 5, 2011 at 9:35 am
If I fall in love with these like Jack and Rose fell in love does that mean I will have to watch as they slowly sink into the ocean one night after I fall off a boat? I don’t know if I can handle that.
April 5, 2011 at 10:19 am
I found this one some years ago, it’s perfect!!
April 5, 2011 at 10:30 am
HOLY CRAP! IT’S THE GUY FROM TWILIGHT!
April 5, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I was 13 in 1997, and I felt like the only 13 year old girl on the planet who didn’t enjoy the movie Titanic. I spent the whole movie (all 35466 hours of it) waiting for the inevitable sinking of the boat and trying to remember if I knew Leo from Growing Pains or Family Ties.
But I would watch the hell out of this Titanic 2. Clearly I’m not meant for polite society.
April 5, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I totally agree, Mooples. Other girls were swooning over Leonardo, I was thinking “The boat sinks – get over it!”
April 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I was 14 and in band. Our band director decided to create a new level of hell by choosing the Broadway Musical Titantic for our marching show. For Christmas, my kind-hearted parents bought me the shirt “the boat sank, get over it.” Love my parents.
April 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm
I was 13, too! I haaaaated that movie!
April 5, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I was about 13 as well. Titanic was my absolute favorite movie for the next 5 years. Why? A giant fucking boat sinks and a ton of people die! I was enthralled!
April 5, 2011 at 6:07 pm
As a future drama/film geek I loved Titanic at the age of 13 too. But for totally different reasons. I liked the lighting and background work. Sad I know.
April 5, 2011 at 6:33 pm
i successfully avoided titanic til i visited NY in ’99 with a friend and her psychotic fiancée. He rented it. could’ve told her right then that marriage was doomed. this film, however, i would pay to see.
April 5, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I endured that movie to watch the sinking too. It helped that I like period movies though.
April 5, 2011 at 8:38 pm
I felt the same way. I could not believe that it took the damn boat that long to sink.
I had a hard time not laughing when Jack finally died. All the other girls in the audience were crying and it was just so funny to hear them. My friends brother started to laugh and that finally set me off. We were not liked by anyone in the audience.
April 5, 2011 at 12:50 pm
And he’s pissed.
April 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Of course he is. From the movie script:
ROSE
I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go.
ROSE lets go.
April 5, 2011 at 9:36 am
Fuck. These are in my size. Must…resist…
April 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm
You’re gonna have to fight me for ‘em!
April 5, 2011 at 9:37 am
Comes with heels that look like boats!
April 5, 2011 at 9:44 am
BRILLIANT!
April 5, 2011 at 10:45 am
Yeah, I shouldn’t admit it to myself, must less out loud… but those heels are sorta cool.
April 5, 2011 at 11:20 am
The heels are cool, but that is it.
April 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm
If she did a version without the amputee art on it, just the heel work, even I’d be tempted.
(UK Male size 10, if you’re reading.)
April 5, 2011 at 9:37 am
“Fall in love with your new boots like Jack and Rose did…”
So I have to be promised to another pair of much nicer and more expensive boots that abuse my feet, but will help out my entire family by our relationship before I fall in love with these boots?
I can’t. I’m deeply involved with a pair of boots already. He’s a DOCTOR! And he’s hip and with it. That’s what the kids say these days, right? “Hip and with it”? Yeah. Dr Martens knows the way to my heart.
April 5, 2011 at 9:44 am
The way to your heart is through your feet?
April 5, 2011 at 9:52 am
Eventually, yes.
April 5, 2011 at 11:49 am
I appreciate that you ignored my cool failure. The kids who live in this house would not have been as kind.
But yes, the way to my heart is through my feet. (like Sensible Madness has said… eventually…)
April 5, 2011 at 9:38 am
Gold Bond not included.
April 5, 2011 at 9:39 am
Near
Far
Where ever…. your arms?
April 5, 2011 at 9:40 am
Sing along!
These boots were made for sinking
And that’s just they’ll do
And one of these days will sink
And take half of you, too
April 5, 2011 at 9:42 am
No offense to Stephen Fry, but is there a pair with Hugh Laurie’s torso instead? I’d buy those.
April 5, 2011 at 9:44 am
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April 5, 2011 at 10:07 am
Maybe the armless Rose could be replaced with Hugh Laurie?
I’d buy a pair of Fry and Laurie boots!
Well, I say “buy”… I mean “point and laugh”…
April 5, 2011 at 10:55 am
I find it funny that I wouldn’t have understood this last week. Thanks be to my father in law who demanded I watch Jeeves and Wooster with him this last weekend.
April 5, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Perhaps you would know Stephen Fry better for his role in “V for Vendetta” or as the voiceover for “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”
April 5, 2011 at 9:42 am
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April 5, 2011 at 9:43 am
My God… that’s Guybrush Threepwood!
April 5, 2011 at 9:46 am
I saw Guybrush as well.
April 5, 2011 at 9:57 am
April 5, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Glad I’m not the only one! Where’s LeChuck? Now I want some Monkey Island shoes!
April 5, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Thank you! I was thinking I was the only one that saw Guybrush!
April 5, 2011 at 9:43 am
You know, the existing toe pattern is kind of reminiscent of ocean waves–there should be little painted debris with little painted people desperately clinging to it.
And the propeller should be worked into the whole thing somehow. Maybe coming out of the back of the heels?
April 5, 2011 at 9:49 am
But only if they could tastefully show the lifeboats being sucked in.
April 5, 2011 at 10:07 am
And it could be like those hand-held misting fans and spray water with red food coloring with every step. And there could be a squeaking mechanism that sounds like screaming.
The whole thing needs to be bigger. Grander.
April 5, 2011 at 10:09 am
With Glitter!
April 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm
(Jazz Hands)
April 5, 2011 at 9:59 am
Thank you for pointing out the propeller – that would totally make it STEAMPUNK! ;D
April 5, 2011 at 10:55 am
Spurs. They need spurs.
April 5, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Spurs that look like the propeller! Genius!
April 5, 2011 at 9:44 am
My granny never wore boots like that. She wore sneakers. And beat the shit out of her kids with snow shovels.
My great-granny wore sneakers, and beat the shit out of snakes with golf clubs.
April 5, 2011 at 10:56 am
My great granny wore keds and chased mouthy kids with iron skillets.
April 5, 2011 at 11:27 am
My granny never wore boots like this, either. Her bunions never would have stood for it.
April 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I don’t think a granny has worn that style of shoe since Irene Ryan.
April 5, 2011 at 9:44 am
I would watch that movie.
April 5, 2011 at 9:44 am
These might have done better, if it was 1997 again.
April 5, 2011 at 11:47 am
My thoughts exactly – I thought maybe this was a “best of” from years past.
April 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Hey! It takes time for an idea with this kind of depth to be brought to fruition.
And by that I mean; you have to be drinking while cleaning out your closet and watching Titanic on TCM.
April 5, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Wait…why would Titanic be on TCM? Is it already a classic?
April 5, 2011 at 9:45 am
The heel makes it look like she stepped on a Smurf.
April 5, 2011 at 10:08 am
…and that never comes off…
April 5, 2011 at 9:46 am
If only those beautiful boots weren’t painted. WHYYYYY.
April 5, 2011 at 9:46 am
As pertrayed, Rose looks like she wants nothing to do with Jack.
April 5, 2011 at 9:47 am
I’m not sure I understand why it matters that a black man made these boots, but I guess if that’s your thing…
April 5, 2011 at 9:48 am
You took the snark right out of my gob.
April 5, 2011 at 9:57 am
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO COMMENT ON THAT.
Today is going to give me a rage stroke I SWEAR.
April 5, 2011 at 10:19 am
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April 5, 2011 at 10:24 am
um… there wasn’t a post about someone’s race. It was a line in the description of the boots…
“womens super comfy black man made material boots”
Snippy’s poor punctuation = fodder for snark
April 5, 2011 at 10:55 am
Ah. Well…it wouldn’t be a day without my saying or doing something mildly humiliating.
I missed that, clearly. Thanks.
Thumb that post into the dirt!
April 5, 2011 at 4:09 pm
A super comfy black man, at that.
April 5, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I prefer all of my men to be super comfy, not just the black ones.
April 5, 2011 at 9:48 am
“fall in love with your new boots like Jack and Rose did…”
I don’t remember Jack & Rose falling in love with a pair of boots… did I black out during that part?
April 5, 2011 at 9:50 am
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April 5, 2011 at 10:15 am
I am picturing Jack and Rose putting the boots on a couch and drawing them while romantic music plays.
April 5, 2011 at 10:26 am
Don’t forget the diamond necklace draped over the boots!
April 5, 2011 at 10:26 am
When I saw “Titanic” in the theater, I got up about an hour in and went to the bathroom. When I came back, I went into the other theater that was showing “Titanic” that had started an hour earlier.
I walked in and saw people being lowered into lifeboats.
Damn, I thought, now I know how it ends.
April 5, 2011 at 10:55 am
The Titanic sinks?!? C’mon man, spoiler warnings please!
April 5, 2011 at 11:12 am
It’s okay….it’s resurrected in “Titanic: The Next Day.”
April 5, 2011 at 9:50 am
Never mind that Victoria was dead 10 years before the ship sank.
April 5, 2011 at 12:01 pm
You took the words from my mouth. The only way these Titanic (1912) boots could be Victorian is if the Queen herself came back as a zombie. Which is possible, considering the missing limbs and what not.
April 5, 2011 at 3:59 pm
I think that’s what is most disgusting about this item.
April 5, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Don’t you know that anything vaguely oldish is called “Victorian”?
April 5, 2011 at 9:51 am
What a way to ruin a nice pair of boots.
April 5, 2011 at 9:52 am
Don’t forget to look at the third image (it shows what I assume is Rose…)
April 5, 2011 at 9:59 am
That looks like an image from her stint as an 80s-power-suit-wearing, Wall Street yuppie.
April 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I thought that was Molly Brown.
Or the bitchy mother.
April 5, 2011 at 2:06 pm
I think it’s supposed to be Rose as she boards the ship…..the fabulous Striped Suit and Huge Picture Hat With Bow.
Yes, those are supposed to be capitalized. It’s the rule.
April 5, 2011 at 4:12 pm
They couldn’t even get the hat big enough on the boots. That is one big-ass hat.
April 5, 2011 at 9:53 am
I’m sorry, I can’t buy a shoe called Granny whether it’s covered in Wal-Mart acrylic paint or not.
April 5, 2011 at 10:23 am
Oh I can. I am a slave to the laceup granny boots. The more pointy toe-ed the better. I am forever my gothy, 1983 self from the mid-calf down. It’s sort of sad, but I live with it.
These, in spite of being very very awesome in their badness, are too round in the toe and thick in the ankle for me, though…(she wrote, as if this would be her only deterrent..)..
April 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm
VGO, I think you may be my soul mate.
April 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm
YAY!
I kind of hate it that I now miss the 80′s. But being in your late teens, in Los Angeles, in the 80′s, with a good fake ID…was a REALLY GOOD TIME.
I think I saw “X” and Boingo four times each in a single year (speaking of brilliant local bands)…
Adam Ant was still young and beautiful and boys wore puffy shirts with aplomb, and I was very happy in general, for a kid in black. It was good.
Except for all the cocaine.
Ok, that was pretty good too.
April 5, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Orge, I ordered some new granny-boots online mere months ago
I’m never gonna stop being slightly goth. Rock on, dude/dudette!
I’m about 5 years too young to have indulged in the wonderful 1980′s. I’d have come out a much cheerier person if I’d come of age to all that eyeliner, synth and wackiness! Instead I had to be a closeted 80′s fan (anyone remember the SCORN in which 80′s stuff was held? before it was old enough to have retro charm?)in the days of grunge. Bah!
April 5, 2011 at 9:53 am
My favorite part is how she said they are made by a black man. It’s interesting that she felt the need to point that out.
Oh, punctuation. Who needs you?
April 5, 2011 at 9:54 am
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April 5, 2011 at 9:54 am
Snippy. (not her real name)
April 5, 2011 at 9:55 am
April 5, 2011 at 9:57 am
Hunchback with linebacker shoulders. Looks like Quasimodo modeled.
April 5, 2011 at 10:00 am
Is that the Unsinkable Molly Brown????
April 5, 2011 at 10:25 am
That doesn’t look anything like Debbie Reynolds.
April 5, 2011 at 10:27 am
Even after rolling down the hill with Roseanne.
April 5, 2011 at 10:00 am
Say What!
April 5, 2011 at 10:09 am
Did Rose’s neck dislocate?
April 5, 2011 at 10:15 am
I think perhaps her Adam’s Apple may have…
April 5, 2011 at 10:11 am
Oh, how I wish these only had the amazing portrait with picture hat on them.
No duckface amputees…..just the Beautiful Linebacker Hat Lady.
These remind me of a Lynda Barry cartoon…and given that I pretty much worship Lynda Barry….
….Pleather has never looked so good.
I love em. They are awful, but I love them so.
April 5, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Dang… work it, Julia Child!
April 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm
I want to thumb this so many times. So very many.
April 5, 2011 at 2:22 pm
April 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm
That’s only because she was make entirely of wonderful.
April 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Hell yeah she was!
I mean, how could you not love a woman who said stuff like:
“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.”
“Fat gives things flavor.”
“The best way to execute French cooking is to get good and loaded and whack the hell out of a chicken. Bon appétit. ”
“I think every woman should have a blowtorch.”
and
“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
April 5, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Or “made”…she could be made of wonderful. That too.
April 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Under the weight of that hat and her tragic lack of trapezius muscle, Rose’s neck never stood a chance.
April 5, 2011 at 9:55 am
and she has super tiny pointed boobs.
April 5, 2011 at 8:15 pm
…very wide-set ones at that.
April 5, 2011 at 9:56 am
Titanic was two eras past the Victorian era. The Edwardian period was after the Victorian, and the Edwardian ended in 1910. The 1910s were a time of great transition and saw the corset fall out of fashion from being a must-wear to something only the “old” wore (like bra-burning, only with corsets), the rise of hemlines, and art deco coming into favor. This is nothing at all like the Victorian era.
I’ll shut up now before I start a lecture on fashion eras.
Just let me say, that seller is full of whatever you want to call those boots.
April 5, 2011 at 9:59 am
Etsy sellers learn their history from Craigslist sellers. I once saw something tagged as both Victorian and Mid-Century.
April 5, 2011 at 10:06 am
I see things on eBay listed as Renaissance, Civil War, AND Titanic, and things are listed like this all the time. Someone looking for something from the post-Edwardian.start-of-Art-Deco era isn’t going to decide some bad Renaissance costume will work. Maybe Craigslist sellers learn their fauxstory from eBay sellers.
April 5, 2011 at 10:37 am
Tell me about it. One learns to search under the wrong names to avoid missing cool mislabeled things, and that just keeps the problem going.
April 5, 2011 at 8:34 pm
No kidding… try looking for any kind of Victorian clothing on ebay, you’ll get a hundred listings for Nerf Mavericks. How does this fall under clothing?
April 5, 2011 at 10:01 am
Aw you beat me by a minutes. And dammit if I didn’t already mean to say during the Edwardian era, not the technical reign of Edward. D’oh.
April 5, 2011 at 10:09 am
The end of an era named after a monarch technically ends with that monarch’s death, even if fashion remains the same for a while. The Victorian era ended at the beginning of 1901, with the death of Queen Victoria. The Edwardian era was very short. It started in early 1901, with the beginning of Edward’s reign, and ended not even 10 full years later when he died. So 1912 was not Edwardian era.
April 5, 2011 at 10:21 am
Neo-Georgian, to be pedantic
April 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm
You gotta admit, for pathetic, fat, jealous losers, we are fucking educated!
April 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm
We gotta be educated. Not like we go out and have amazing lives or anything, being fat, jealous losers and all.
April 5, 2011 at 7:35 pm
I’m a skinny bitch, but damn, am I ever a loser. And damn proud of it!
April 5, 2011 at 10:06 am
Not to mention that Naturalizer granny boots are neither Victorian or Edwardian. They obviously were manufactured during the colonial era!
April 5, 2011 at 10:15 am
I know..so frustrating. Edwardian Era to the Teens: Stunning clothing and hats in delicate fabric, flattering lines, and unusual pleating and draping, radical changes in hemline and waist..Huge hats making their way to small cloches. Yum to both.
Victorian Era: Wool,wool and more wool, heavy pleating and heavy undies, with fussy little hats. blech.
April 5, 2011 at 10:19 am
I love that your avatar has a monocle and a wry expression while you say all this.
April 5, 2011 at 10:33 am
Some might argue that the sinking of the Titanic itself was the end of the Edwardian era. The important people who were killed, the important people who were saved, and the “unimportant” people who never got anywhere near a lifeboat all contributed to a social and political change.
And while women in 1911 still wore corsets, they were much less curvy than during the Victorian era.
Using the names of fixed time periods to represent a cultural era never works well. What we think of as “the 60s” didn’t really start until the middle of the decade.
April 5, 2011 at 10:48 am
Good point!…and very true re: both Titanic and style in general..There is always a long slide into a new style..
It was the 50′s in the 60′s for a long dang time…along with overlap and parallel styles, etc..
Oh..and um..politics, right. Not all about clothing. No.
I’m so deep.
April 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Now I don’t feel like such a nerd for yelling “Edwardian!” aloud when I was reading the description. Thanks for that.
April 5, 2011 at 11:52 am
Now these are boots!
April 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Sweeeeeet.
April 5, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Who are you going to paint on these? Harry and Katie? And their future children as corgi dogs?
April 5, 2011 at 4:17 pm
<3 <3 <3
April 5, 2011 at 2:56 pm
My thoughts exactly.
April 5, 2011 at 9:58 am
I am also inspired by Victorian styles. However, the Titanic sunk during the reign of Edward, so wrong era, Snippy. I know, I know: similarity, but also differents.
April 5, 2011 at 10:02 am
Oops, not the reign of Edward…the end of the Edwardian age. Faily me.
April 5, 2011 at 10:03 am
King Edward VII died May 6, 1910, and the Titanic sank April 12, 1912. The Edwardian era ended with his death almost two years before Titanic.
April 5, 2011 at 9:58 am
So we call someone tone-def when they can’t sing, what is it called when someone can’t draw? Proportion-blindness?
April 5, 2011 at 10:01 am
Just… bad. I think we like to call them “bad at drawing”
April 5, 2011 at 11:59 am
April 5, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I didn’t know Tony Danza ever played the role of Simon…
April 5, 2011 at 10:01 am
Crap-fty
April 5, 2011 at 10:30 am
A great number of them seem to call themselves Esty artisans…
*ba dum pish*
April 5, 2011 at 10:33 am
We call them ‘Craptastic.’
April 5, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Craptastrophe!
April 5, 2011 at 10:08 am
I love the granny boot style.
With Jack being faded out like that he looks like a ghost.
I wear a size ten shoe so…damn.
April 5, 2011 at 10:09 am
Who cares what era the titanic sunk?.these boots are from the ” sucks my balls ” era.
April 5, 2011 at 10:10 am
But that era never ends…
April 5, 2011 at 10:15 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 5, 2011 at 10:30 am
Not. Even. Close.
there are soooooooooo many movies that are worse than Titanic. I can’t possibly go into it here, but many of them have appeared on MST3K.
Manos, The Eye Creatures, Gods and Generals (or as we like to call it “4 hours of horrible fake beards” and some shooting)
April 5, 2011 at 10:33 am
MST3K, however, was epic. Though, I never saw the movie.
April 5, 2011 at 10:36 am
Two Words: Rock. Climbing.
April 5, 2011 at 10:42 am
No no no no no no. Manos is the BEST movie ever made. I have never laughed harder in my life.
April 5, 2011 at 11:22 am
The master would not be pleased.
April 5, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Za!
April 5, 2011 at 10:51 am
Can I put in my vote for Barbra Streisand’s epic mastubatory crapfest: “The Prince of Tides”, as far worse than “Titanic”?
I want to kill that movie with a bat.
I would watch three Ed Wood marathons in a row rather than sit through that again. And ENJOY it.
April 5, 2011 at 11:02 am
I would enjoy watching Mondo Pagan (the first cut) more than “Prince of Tides” a second time. The director is heavily influenced by Ed Wood, and I was too drunk to fully understand the implications when I agreed to have some of my music used for the soundtrack of this… thing.
April 5, 2011 at 11:10 am
I would have to cast my MST3K vote for “PRINCE OF SPACE” or “SPACE MUTINY” gah! wait! too many too choose.
April 5, 2011 at 11:57 am
Princess…I’m impressed! And sorry! And impressed again!
(just another person who has willingly and cheerfully been around naked, strange people in the woods during certain times of the year. Yay!)
April 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Too bad, because I really loved the book.
April 5, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Omg Princess Buzzkill – your soundtrack is covering my drumming! Yes, somehow Rock’s “vision” seemed like a really good idea at the time.
April 5, 2011 at 11:23 am
Anything with Tor Johnson…
“Time for go to bed!” (The Unearthly)
April 5, 2011 at 11:31 am
Attack of The The Eye Creatures is probably my all-time favorite MST3K episode!
The shoddy eye creature costumes (with zipper showing)…
The dude in the sweater dress…
The THE twice in the title…
It’s so bad it’s amazing!
April 5, 2011 at 11:52 am
I miss MST3K – I did see a live show a year ago. It was great.
April 5, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I am going to rent this one right now. I have watched alot of the mst3ks’ but not this one? All the ones listed above are great! I also like Mitchell with Joe Don Baker. He is a sweaty beast of a man.
April 6, 2011 at 2:16 am
Eye Creatures is one of my favorites, too! “They just didn’t care.”
April 5, 2011 at 1:53 pm
What bothered me about the movie was that they spent a lot of money and time to make sure things were as historically accurate as possible, then the goofs were obvious to anyone who’s studied the history of the ship.
April 5, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Titanic was a long boring movie for sure. Avatar was pretty damned horrible as well. But they can’t compare in awfulness to Pret-a-Porter.
April 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm
I have to admit I’m a fan of Plan 9 from Outer Space, though I always have trouble in the scene with “Two Dudes Talking in Vaguely Military Uniforms in a Room with a Red Phone.”
April 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm
We have this AWESOME thing in the Edmonton (Alberta, Canada) film-geek culture: some locals who are film geeks AND improv geeks will hilariously snark & heckle a cheesy movie, and then at intermission there’s often an educational presentation correcting the misconceptions said movie portrays. The first one I saw was a Segal flick…PERFECT for taking the piss outta! Everyone everywhere should have access to these events; I get SMILE CRAMPS! We call it “Turkey Shoot”. They’ve likely already done Titanic AND the other self-important fluff you mention.
April 6, 2011 at 4:20 am
What a fabulous idea! I live in a historic district with old theatre that just got grants for adding stage lights and a screen system. A “Turkey Shoot”-type event would be PERFECT for a fundraiser!
And we need to start with Prince of Tides!
April 5, 2011 at 10:16 am
Etsy Tags: man-made (not handmade), size 7.5 (200 each of 30 other sizes available in same man-made subtance and I can’t tell what that is), wave height may vary, dress color may vary, hair color may vary, don’t be mad at me if I run out of blue, qualifies as Vintage because I say so. See me featured on the front page. Shipping (I took out the shoe-lasts because I’m going to use them for my next listing) is ony $24.95 per boot; all purchases shipped on the 3rd Friday of the 4th month during a full moon. Otherwise don’t convo me.
April 5, 2011 at 10:17 am
$175 and not even leather? Clearly I’ve missed my calling. I’m going to start painting bad art on vinyl shoes and selling them at a triple markup. Visa and Mastercard, kiss my ass!
April 5, 2011 at 10:19 am
“and falls in love with Stephen Fry’s torso.”
Oh, c’mon. Who here hasn’t fallen in love with Stephen Fry’s torso?
April 5, 2011 at 4:22 pm
If it were really Stephen Fry, I would buy the boots.
April 6, 2011 at 2:19 am
Hugh Laurie: “Love that body!”
Stephen Fry: “Thanks. It’s mine.”
God, I love a bit of Fry & Laurie.
April 5, 2011 at 10:20 am
these boots bring jumping in puddles to a whole new level
April 5, 2011 at 10:22 am
Now every time I see the word ‘Titanic’, all I’ll be able to think of is the tragedy of thalidomide.
April 5, 2011 at 10:26 am
”I want me to paint you like one of your French girls, Snippy. Wearing these…wearing only these…”
April 5, 2011 at 10:36 am
Damn, I wish I could thumb this comment up about a dozen times. I can’t stop laughing at it.
April 5, 2011 at 10:31 am
One might wear these shoes while watching ones cats play on this cat tree…
April 5, 2011 at 10:58 am
I’ll never let go, Tigger. I promise.
April 5, 2011 at 11:38 am
My, that is so… tasteful.
I hate myself for kind of liking that.
April 5, 2011 at 2:06 pm
You’ve never seen the inflatable slide, have you?
What’s sad is that an image search turned up dozens of different styles. About half of which had the Cunard funnels. It’s L-U-S-I-T-A-N-I-A, people!
April 5, 2011 at 2:06 pm
April 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Sometimes I hate people.
April 5, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Those inflatable slides are fucking GREAT. Like the volcano, or the giant tidal wave coming towards the boat, or the sinking ship, or…
April 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm
You are a terrible person for showing this site to me.
Now my cats won’t shut up about needing all sorts of overpriced things from this website.
April 5, 2011 at 2:29 pm
My cats also want these things. I keep telling them that they never play with the overpriced things they already own, but no. They must have these overpriced things as well.
April 5, 2011 at 1:58 pm
There’s just so much wrong with this.
The name is in the wrong place, unless they forgot which end struck the iceberg. And red funnels are Cunard, not White Star.
My guess is they couldn’t spell “Lusitania.”
April 5, 2011 at 3:17 pm
I’m sorry, but I do want that cat tree.
I know, I’m pathetic.
April 5, 2011 at 8:28 pm
I love this cat gym! THIS is the sort of well-crafted, original craft that the Etsy of my dreams contains.
April 6, 2011 at 2:21 am
WANT!
April 6, 2011 at 2:23 am
Holy Shit! $899 for a kitty condo? Well, if I’ve gotta have it, I’ve gotta have it, right?
April 5, 2011 at 10:31 am
“…designed by me snippy.”
It looks like it was designed by your snippy.
(say the first bit with a pirate accent, and you’ll get it)
April 5, 2011 at 10:33 am
For the briefest of seconds I thought it said “super comfy black man material…”
April 5, 2011 at 11:54 am
Etsy still has policies in place against selling human leather right?? I read that as well…
April 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm
And what would happen if someone were to try to sell human leather? The Etsy people might stop petting the steampunktopus long enough to acknowledge and then continue drinking milkweed tea out of cups made by someone who really likes stoneware.
April 5, 2011 at 10:33 am
Can I special order a pair with the Skipper and Gilligan on them?
April 5, 2011 at 10:34 am
My heart will go on. My arms, not so much…
April 5, 2011 at 8:29 pm
YES!
April 5, 2011 at 10:37 am
Only in a 7.5? WAH, I’m an 8. I was really hoping to trollop around in heels that look like I stepped in blue dung,
April 5, 2011 at 10:42 am
Is the paint water proof? How impractical if I am in the middle of drowning and it wears off!
April 5, 2011 at 10:43 am
“fall in love with your new boots like Jack and Rose did”
Wait, Jack and Rose bought these boots, too?? Holy fucksticks.
April 5, 2011 at 12:32 pm
If these boots have been kicking around since the 1900s, I think that calls for a price markdown. Somehow I doubt the Crusty Used Boots of the Ocean lasted as well as the Heart if the Ocean.
April 5, 2011 at 10:44 am
When Google did their annoying “1911″ thing on April Fools Day, I was wondering what Regretsy in 1911 would have looked like.
William Howard Taft plushies and Titanic buttplugs. Or vice versa. Resellers who bought from the Triangle factory. And hundreds of Mona Lisa copies.
April 5, 2011 at 10:47 am
The idea of a William Howard Taft buttplug makes my sphincter instinctively cringe. Inserting anything large enough to fit a portrait of that man on it would lead to nothing short of an ass-pocalypse…
April 5, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Taftsee
April 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm
One would hope it wouldn’t get stuck. Oh I crack myself up!
April 5, 2011 at 10:48 am
Don’t forget Teddy Bears. Or was that after 1911?
April 5, 2011 at 11:19 am
They were huge by 1911. I’m sure the Edwardian April would featured a few really messy attempts.
April 5, 2011 at 12:25 pm
The bears or the butt plugs?
April 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm
April 5, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Step away from the google, mapleleaves. XD
April 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm
In fact, there were Steiff Teddy Bears in the Titanic giftshop. I saw a vintage photo years ago when I used to frequent the AOL Steiff board. There was a Steiff Polar Bears that “survived” the disaster, and the Steiff company, in 1912, made a special run of 1000 black mourning bears to honor the Titanic dead.
April 5, 2011 at 10:50 am
Besides, Titanic buttplugs only sound like a good idea. You think they’d be indestructable, but in reality, you get about halfway through, then they break off and fall in, and no one enjoys that.
April 5, 2011 at 12:51 pm
And thus the Iceman cannot Cometh.
April 5, 2011 at 11:20 am
PRE-Steampunk stuff. Which I guess would be horsepunk?
April 5, 2011 at 11:29 am
Preampunk.
April 5, 2011 at 11:36 am
In 1911, “Steampunk” would be called “Science Fiction.”
April 5, 2011 at 11:41 am
….and this would be the exact point where a small, innocent, never to be mentioned again, but fervent crush on mapleleaves would spark into a tiny blue flame.
April 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Woodpunk.
April 5, 2011 at 5:28 pm
would those mona lisa copies have varied mustaches?
April 5, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Only the ones by Duchamp.
April 5, 2011 at 10:49 am
From Rose’s expression, it looks as though Jack has severe halitosis.
April 5, 2011 at 10:51 am
Well…I like the boots. The idea, however, can go and say ‘hi!’ to the Heart of the Ocean and stay there!!
April 5, 2011 at 10:56 am
April 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm
I LOVE it! Thank you!!!
April 5, 2011 at 11:04 am
Does it bother anyone else but me that these boots were “Black Man Made”?
April 5, 2011 at 11:42 am
Yes. See above.
April 5, 2011 at 11:13 am
I don’t normally laugh at art like that as I find it nice in a naive kind of way, but… BUT when the price comes into equation… Are there still that many Titanic/DiCaprio fans that the price could be justified? Now if it was twilight that would be a different story.
April 5, 2011 at 11:34 am
Be assured, there will be
April 5, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I guess if she reads regretsy she might… There has already been keds with twilight artwork featured on regretsy (of similar style:)) and the gal made a fortune on her twilight keds (from what I remember)…
April 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm
I have a print of your avatar. That is all.
April 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Thank you:)
April 5, 2011 at 11:44 am
Okay, so I just checked out the listing and the price has now been dropped to $135. Now, you can find these boots without “painting” for $30 (which includes shipping). So basically, you’re paying $105 for the “artwork”.
For the “artwork” that you will wear on your feet and potentially step in dog shit with.
April 5, 2011 at 11:46 am
Spoiler Alert!
1. The boat sinks at the end of the movie.
2. The person who ends up buying these boots was not aware of spoiler #1 beforehand.
April 5, 2011 at 11:47 am
gets you right in the sole…
April 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm
From the look on Rose’s face, Jack’s breath is pretty stinky.
April 5, 2011 at 12:16 pm
At least we can try and take comfort in the fact that “You will never see a pair exactly like these” again.
April 5, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I just like the words ‘super comfy black man’ all in a row.
April 5, 2011 at 12:58 pm
All this snark give new meaning to the term, “knocking boots”
I like that about you people.
April 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Gives new meaning, sigh…..
April 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm
If she adds the well known here octopuses to each shoe (representing ocean fauna) she would be able to add “steampunk” to her tags and hopefully sell it faster.
April 5, 2011 at 1:08 pm
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it’s fugly as can be. On the other hand, I am in love with every part of Stephen Fry, so it does have that going for it.
April 5, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 5, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Yes, many, upthread.
April 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I feel bad for these boots. They’re rather nice, what did they do to deserve this?
April 5, 2011 at 2:25 pm
If I’m going to buy over-priced granny boots badly hand-painted with a scene from a movie I despise, the maker had better get the era right at least >:|
April 5, 2011 at 2:43 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD4OnHCRd_4
I’m just going to leave this here…
April 5, 2011 at 3:32 pm
I DARE you all to feast your eyes on this bit if fuckery and watch all 9 parts in their entirety- Titanic: the legend goes on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOX7UHoT1Ug&feature=related
(it is in english once you get past the credits)
April 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm
I have had the misfortune of seeing the animated musical. It was not released, it escaped!!
If it’s still up you can find The Nostalgia Critic’s review of it. He really rips it a new one.
April 5, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Those are horrible. It really bothers me that the person who made these didn’t bother to paint more of Rose and Jack. Now they are just floating there. And that’s not even the biggest problem…
April 5, 2011 at 5:48 pm
It’s accurate for Jack to be floating, at least.
April 7, 2011 at 8:02 am
HA! I guess you’re right!
April 5, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Titanic had its moments, but there are much shorter movies in which one can see Kate Winslet’s titties.
April 6, 2011 at 4:31 am
In fact, I recommend watching A Night to Remember on TCM and downloading pictures of Kate Winslet’s titties. You’ll get mostly the same story, it will take less time, and you won’t have to listen to Celine Dion and all that flute music.
April 5, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Too bad these boots are too small for me. They’d go perfectly with my Hindenburg purse and Mount Vesuvius snood.
April 5, 2011 at 8:33 pm
My vote for comment of the day!
April 5, 2011 at 8:20 pm
For the woman whose fashion sense is literally a shipwreck.
April 6, 2011 at 12:00 am
I featured this one in my Titanic treasury…
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4d95a327424c6d9146c20de0/the-iron-bathtub-titanic?ref=pr_treasury