Wall Paper
Oh, that’s pretty cool all right. You know what else is cool? Cabinets. Seriously, no one wants to look at that much toilet paper. This is like taking a shit at CostCo.
76 comments on Wall Paper
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April 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm
If it only came in a Bevis and Butthead design
April 2, 2011 at 1:44 pm
“I need tp for my bunghole!”
April 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm
About 15 years ago, our son (a toddler at the time) caught part of that episode of B&BH. Then he walked around saying: “I need tee-pee for my bungalow.”
April 2, 2011 at 7:41 pm
“I am the great redundant Cornholio!”
April 2, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Yeah, ’cause no one will look in there…especially for your tampons & shit. I’d hide penis shaped candies in there…just for an extra special surprise…
April 2, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Or, as Katie Holmes calls them, “boy part gummies”.
April 2, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Used feminine hygiene products would be an even more special surprise.
April 2, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Only if they are in sock monkey form!
April 2, 2011 at 3:03 pm
But is it a wet bag?
April 2, 2011 at 8:21 pm
I think it’s a sweet wet bag.
Actually, it does have a shiny look to it, so it might be plastic.
April 2, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I’d hide a vial of Original Vulva scent and a small bottle of lube.
April 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Or a real penis.
April 2, 2011 at 1:41 pm
“Want to hide something? No one will look in there!”
I call shenanigans on that part. If you’re sitting on the can at your friend’s house and there’s a zippered pouch dangling right next to the toilet, the FIRST thing you’re gonna do is look inside it.
I’d totally fill it with marbles.
April 2, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Put some in your medicine cabinet, too. Highly embarrassing for your guests and highly amusing for you.
April 2, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Only trouble with marbles in the medicine cabinet is that it’d totally backfire and jump out at me instead. Half my medicine cabinet is held in by surface tension anyway.
April 2, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Seconded. It’s not like there’s much to do in most people’s bathrooms other than the task you’re there for. Unlike mine, where I keep copies of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, the Bulwer-Lytton contest “best of” books, and Regretsy, of course. I like to keep my best material where everyone will see it!
April 2, 2011 at 6:16 pm
‘It was a dark and stormy shit’……
April 3, 2011 at 9:53 am
Or at least feel what’s inside.
Not gonna lie, I’d feel kinda bad actually looking.
April 2, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I hope it comes with those rolls of Scott toilet paper because it’s been a while since I’ve had the 2-ply motel toilet paper experience.
April 2, 2011 at 1:47 pm
So it comes with a wet bag?! WHERE ARE MY FUCKING SOCK MONKEYS?!
April 2, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I’m totally looking in there. That awesome pouch is WAY more obvious than a cabinet.
April 2, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I am one of those people. If I’m using your bathroom, I’m also looking through your stuff. I can’t help it, character flaw.
April 2, 2011 at 1:52 pm
There is a kind of wild excitement followed by swift disappointment I feel with posts like this, when the etsy seller has removed their post so that I cannot see what other wonders lie in store for my drunk ass, that can only be expressed via haiku:
regretsy regret:
cryabeetus deletion.
“error_id=8″
But it’s an abuse that has grown on me, so I’m not really complaining. Hit me again DEAR GOD HIT ME AGAIN
April 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Ah, hell, my line breaks are fucked. Pour me another tall one, Bobby!
April 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Possibly sold?
The store is still up:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/candogoods
..but even odder is the blog posting about it.
Uh. Yeah.
Read more if you’re reeeeeally fascinated:
http://candogoods.wordpress.com/author/candogoods/page/3/
April 2, 2011 at 6:33 pm
“Boo’s Stash of Manipulative Toys”?
I don’t even want to go there.
April 2, 2011 at 1:54 pm
My goodness, that looks cheesy.
On a side note, I ran across this yesterday and since it is in the same arena I thought I would share.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68937244/toilet-paper-on-your-neck-sterling
April 2, 2011 at 1:57 pm
That’s kind of adorable. Description too.
“These lovely TP’s will be made just for you and will ship no later than one week from purchase. Please let me know if you are in a hurry, ‘can’t hold it’, ‘and need to go now’ and I will accommodate.”
April 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I liked it. There are earrings too.
April 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I love that. Not enough to pay $40 for it, but I do love it.
April 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Lovely UK pal to Calfiornian self, during visit to grocery store: “Are we getting loo roll?”
Swear to god, I thought she was proposing we go for sushi, after.
Loo roll!
April 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Yeah, that’s how we think here in Calfiornia.
…meant “Californian”. Derp…
April 2, 2011 at 3:09 pm
That falls in the category of “totally cute and I really like it but I would never buy it or wear it.” Yes, it’s a category. And yes, that category has confused my mom when buying me gifts for ages.
April 2, 2011 at 8:27 pm
I have a mothra-in-law in front of whom I cannot mention that I like anything (especially jewelry) because the next time I see her, she has bought it for me. I am usually very careful around her because she is addicted to QVC, and because she is quite conservative. I should introduce her to Etsy so she can see my favorites. I’m pretty sure she’d try to have a exorcism performed on me as she was uncontrollably still buying the crap I like. She truly is crazy as bat shit.
April 2, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Okay, I clicked on it to see what happened to it. Got the 3-sleeved sweater gal. I didn’t think it was so bad as to be taken down!
April 2, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Maybe it could hold your waxed toilet paper too?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/37834130/cinnamon-bun-wax-dipped-toilet-paper
April 2, 2011 at 2:15 pm
This confuses me…What do I do with this? Why would you re-scent rose hips into a completely different scent? Are those tightly coiled crap piles placed around the base also cinnamon bun scented?
It’s that pine cone on top that does it for me though, I have to have it! There’s nothing I enjoy more than a creamy pine cone with my cinnamon bun-scented, wax-covered toilet paper.
April 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm
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April 2, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Is that a candle? Are those small turd candles surrounding it? Wax dipped toilet rolls sounds like something I might have done after a night of heavy boozing.
April 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Is that a candle? If not, can I still light it on fire?
April 2, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Between the paper and the wax, it should burn nicely. Stand by with a fire extinguisher, though, just to be safe. You don’t want to have to explain this to the fire dept.
April 2, 2011 at 2:03 pm
If I saw that pouch that’s the FIRST place I’d look!
April 2, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Right. You need somewhere discreet to hide your tampons/pads/vibrating duck, that is deffo the best place…
April 3, 2011 at 1:19 am
I want a vibrating duck! Off to google….
April 2, 2011 at 2:23 pm
When it comes to hiding valuables in the bathrrom, I like to use this http://www.etsy.com/listing/423486/crocheted-toilet-paper-roll-cover-doll?ref=mt
April 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Man, does that take me back to the old time-y local craft fairs with the doilies and the macrame owls and all that good shit made by smiling little old ladies who were blind as bats and deaf as posts, yet who somehow could still manage to turn out that stuff by the box load. Good cookies, though.
April 2, 2011 at 6:53 pm
You can still relive that memory by going to an estate sale. every estate sale I have been to, there seems to be the one bedroom filled with Christmas crapfts and crocheted things.
Yes that says Crapfts. It is a combination of crap and craft.
April 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm
My parents have something like this in their bathroom. It’s a rabbit, and it’s just about the creepiest thing in the world. I don’t like having a rabbit watching me do my duty.
April 2, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I had a friend who lived in a 1920′s apartment so small that there was only a 2 burner stove and a 4 foot fridge (both from the 40′s) in the “kitchen” and the bathroom was so teeny that if you were on the toilet and someone opened the door, they’d break your knees. There were no cabinets. I could see this being very useful there.
(It also had a murphy bed, but we were all terrified of it, so no one ever tried using it.)
April 2, 2011 at 2:45 pm
What if I like Costco?
I agree about the little pouch. The one place you don’t hide things is a room where it is socially acceptable for your guests to lock themselves in and remain unobserved for several minutes during every visit. The best purpose for it is definitely to booby-trap nosy friends. I like the marbles idea, but what about confetti? Much harder to cover your tracks.
But it would be kinder just to put some books in the bathroom. I’m sick of reading the ingredients on toothpaste. How is it possible to become so bored in such a short space of time, when you’re already “busy”?
April 2, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Wait. You mean you don’t take your phone in there?
April 2, 2011 at 8:39 pm
I like to use my cell phone to play Angry Birds.
April 3, 2011 at 8:40 am
Costco = love! Only Kirkland TP for my bottom.
April 2, 2011 at 3:01 pm
This would be cool if it had a kangaroo’s head at the top.
April 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Oh Sweet Baby turds, I found this too – nothing like a “leather” chair to fool people into thinking you don’t use toilet paper…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70076264/toilet-paper-holder-and-cover?ref=sr_gallery_32&ga_search_query=toilet+paper+holder&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
April 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm
“pillow keychain”? why?
This would just be a cruel joke on all guests. I know I wouldn’t be able to find it, which would lead to an embarrassing encounter with the host.
April 2, 2011 at 6:51 pm
As to the pillow keychain, I am assuming it’s for pick-ups. When that special someone you’ve been exchanging glances across the bar with compliments you on your striking key fob you can suavely say, “Would you like to come back to my place and see the matching miniature armchair toilet paper cover?” Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Who could resist?
April 2, 2011 at 6:47 pm
When I learned to crochet, there were a few things that I swore I would never do. One was to crochet a cozy shaped like an extra from Gone With the Wind to hide toilet paper and usually done in hideously electric shades of pink or green. Why the hell would I want to hide my TP under some dame’s skirt? Am I ashamed of it??
I also refused to learn to crochet beer can hats.
The leather chair TP cozy makes the girls with the TP skirts look normal.
…and someone offered me 50 bucks to make a beer can hat. I’m almost ready to sell my soul for crafting.
April 2, 2011 at 6:56 pm
make a beer can hat from cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and the hipsters will beat down your door for one.
April 2, 2011 at 8:43 pm
I think a crocheted beer can hat would be cool. Wait, we are talking about the kind with the cup holders and straws, right? Or do you mean this:
Because, also cool.
April 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Keep all your secret stuff in there! Better yet, shove the $35 toilet paper holder in there and then hide the whole thing in the trash.
April 2, 2011 at 4:04 pm
The only place to really hide anything in the bathroom is to hide it INSIDE the metal spring loaded pipe thingy…you know, small stashes of …um…things.
April 2, 2011 at 6:55 pm
Thanks for the handy helpful tip. I was looking for a place to keep my minis of booze.
April 2, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I have an expandable mug rack with pegs hanging on the wall above the toilet. It holds ten rolls of tp. Yeah, it looks stupid, but it’s handy as hell.
April 2, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Belinda! What you have there is a totally cute, country chic EXPANDABLE UPCYCLED VINTAGE toilet paper holder, in GENUINE SUSTAINABLE ORGANIC PLANT BASED VEGAN WOOD. With ten old-world style knobs. Holds single- or two-ply, unbleached or dyed, scented or unscented toilet paper with ease. Folds for easy storage!
April 2, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Rescued from Goodwill! Maybe I should glue some watch parts on it?
April 3, 2011 at 12:03 am
Sell it on Etsy, but make sure to photograph it on barnwood and tag it “Steampunk”
April 2, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Great! Somewhere to store the Diva Cup.
April 2, 2011 at 6:54 pm
And who doesn’t want to reach in and blindly grab ahold of someone else’s Diva?
April 2, 2011 at 6:25 pm
My MIL keeps her extra tp in a basket filled with scented potpourri.
No shit.
April 2, 2011 at 6:55 pm
Her Diva cup?!?
April 2, 2011 at 6:39 pm
This is my favorite to-do list. We actually do go look for antlers. They are shed at this time of year. The kids get cryabeetus when we make them leave the wii for a nature walk, although that’s just a bonus to any antlers we find.
April 2, 2011 at 10:43 pm
the wet bag is actually a storage unit for the soiled reusable custom sanitary napkins they bought from another etsy vendor.
April 2, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Enough with hiding personal items in pouches out in the open, every bathroom should have a secret rotating wall that you spin by pulling out a library book. Then anything embarrassing is well hidden.
April 3, 2011 at 1:25 am
I’ve always wanted secret rooms or a rotating wall in my house. That would be so cool!
April 3, 2011 at 9:43 am
Is no one going to point out that she used the term “hook and loop tape” in place of Velcro?