- Submitted by Kara M

Shit, I almost got the coverall!

A cafeteria tray, covered with paper and feathers, so you can’t use it. The seller helpfully suggests you put office supplies in it, which is actually what I was going to suggest, except I was going to say throw it out.

Every little girl dreams of being suffocated by a gelatinous web teeming with alien lifeforms. The only way this could be more terrifying is if it came with a voice chip that said “YOUR MOMMY IS DEAD.”

That’s not slumber, that’s death. Decomposed, rotting mice are not pets. Ed Gein wouldn’t even buy these. Ed Gein looks at this listing and says, “Fuck, that shit is creepy.”

I don’t remember the part in Phantom of the Opera where a unicorn sneaks into the opera house and takes a golden shit on the Phantom’s head. But then, I haven’t seen a musical since Annie.

I think we both know where this belongs.

Professor Flintbottom surprised everyone in the Diogenes Club when he joined the cast of Starlight Express at the Las Vegas Hilton.