197

National Vultures

A sensitive, loving tribute to Elizabeth Taylor’s Georgia O’ Keefe period.

There’s really no better way to honor Elizabeth Taylor than by gluing a color Xerox to a Mexican prayer candle. Vaya con Dios, Elizabeta.

Not a lot of people know this, But Liz Taylor was a recycling nut! She could often be seen sorting bottles at the curb wearing the Hope Diamond.

When I think of Liz Taylor, I think of the Peace Crane. She had these all over her house. Except hers were made with thousand dollar bills and stolen prescription pads.

This yarn begged to be named after Liz Taylor. Well maybe “begged” isn’t the right word. It actually just sat there while the seller looked up the French word for eggplant. But then Liz died, and shit got real.

What a great tribute! Heart-shaped soap scented with stale old lady perfume. Now you too can smell like Elizabeth Taylor, if Elizabeth Taylor was your piano teacher in 1967.

These earrings really remind me of Elizabeth Taylor’s green eyes, which were not green. I can only imagine how they would have looked if she actually had green eyes, and if she was the kind of dip shit who would wear feather earrings. I GUESS WE’LL NEVER KNOW <3

Wait – we don’t even get the green ribbon? How am I supposed to remember her eyes?

Let me tell you something, it is not easy to work two tragedies into one listing. The only criticism I have here is that there’s no mention of the oil spill.

187

Side by Side

- Submitted by Excelsior

I’m sure Charles and Camilla will get this for the royal couple. They really need a new fridge; The old one doesn’t even make ice anymore! Kate thinks it’s because Will always has the door open, making those Dagwood sandwiches. “Blimey, close the door! What were you, raised in a livery? I’m not paying to refrigerate the whole annex!” Crazy kids.

255

BINGO

- Submitted by Kara M

Shit, I almost got the coverall!

222

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