How to Respond to Criticism
As you know, I’m very vocal about my reaction to artistic work. When I love, I love hard. When I dislike something, I am pretty clear about that as well.
And you know, it works both ways. As someone who produces what you might call creative work (if you were drunk, perhaps), I too, receive less than glowing reviews of what I do.
But you know, that’s just part of the process. When you put your work out there, you are inviting a response. And it won’t always be positive. Well, unless you put it up in an Etsy forum. Then everyone will tell you how awesome it is. Of course, privately they’ll still be saying it’s a piece of shit, but the important thing is that they misled you into wasting your time and money making crap no one will ever buy.
You cannot escape it. Even if you just give your work to loved ones who would never say anything negative to your face, it doesn’t mean they won’t laugh in the car on the way home. No matter what you do, there will always be negative reaction to your work. You just won’t always hear it.
My point, and I do have one, is that criticism is the price you pay for having an audience. You have to find a way to live with it. If you’re really sensible, you can look at it objectively, take the input you find useful, and reject the observations you disagree with. Because at the end of the day, we’re only talking about opinions, and the one that really matters is yours.
So it was with great amusement that I found this negative (but restrained) book review linked on Twitter yesterday:
Then, a response from the author:
And this:
And finally, this:
Something tells me that no matter how many books about seamen Ms. Howlett writes in the future, she will never be more widely read than she is today.
March 30, 2011 at 11:30 am
Clearly they hate her with a passion, and want nothing more than to hunt her down and slaughter her family for all those grammatical errors. She was reacting in a perfectly sane manner.
March 30, 2011 at 11:31 am
I saw this yesterday too and laughed my arse off. Lesson 101 in how not to respond to people!
March 30, 2011 at 11:32 am
Oh my!
This woman should publish on Etsy!
March 30, 2011 at 12:45 pm
how do you know she isnt?
March 31, 2011 at 8:04 am
I totally agree.
March 30, 2011 at 11:34 am
I’ve been giggling over this for days. Why is an author behaving so badly such a fun read?
My heart is made of the blackest tar.
March 30, 2011 at 11:34 am
I was so amused yesterday when I saw this on Twitter — it’s the internet equivalent of a child throwing a tantrum. It’s almost adorable, until you realize that no one is going to spank them and teach them the error of their ways.
And now here’s a picture of a what should have happened. Because I like lolcats.
March 30, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Pretty sad when a cat has a greater command of the English language than a human author!
March 30, 2011 at 12:52 pm
I don’t know. I’d say April just gave her the internet equivalent of a spanking.
March 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm
All things are made better by lolcat explanations. I do think that most of the commenters gave her a nice slap on the ass, in a professional manner. I wish more people would profesionally slap MY ass, but with whips, not words. Did I type that out loud?
March 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Etsy rewards the batshit crazy Jacqueline Howetts of the world while punishing the utterly reasonable Big Als.
March 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Sorry, that had nothing to do with the cat.
March 30, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Perhaps it’s also an indicator of her skill that the positive reviews she posted each contain at least one error! No wonder they didn’t notice her poor writing skills when theirs leave something to be desired too.
Since when is a wife a “that”?
March 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Is it sad that the internet is so riddled with such basic grammatical and spelling errors that I’m starting to overlook them?
April 2, 2011 at 6:42 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 30, 2011 at 11:34 am
How cute. A rampage from an author who doesn’t know how to spell “disgusting”.
March 30, 2011 at 11:57 am
She also used the wrong “there.” Therefore I give her an automatic D.
March 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm
And the wrong “your”. Although my favorite sentence was: “You never ever returned to me an email”
March 30, 2011 at 1:28 pm
The never ever returned email made me laugh really hard too. I think I’m going to use it in class, “Professor, you never ever told us this would be required.” Never mind, I’m not an twatwaffle who needs validation.
March 30, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Not to mention misuse of “its” and “it’s.” How do authors like this get published?
March 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Syntax error… reboot!
March 30, 2011 at 1:28 pm
I read that as an automatic D:.
Also appropro.
March 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm
No, no you simply don’t understand that that is the “English” spelling of the word. Silly American, your criticisms are baseless because of your own lack of edumacation.
March 30, 2011 at 12:07 pm
And “your the target not me”. I can totally see how her “writing is just fine”!
March 30, 2011 at 12:43 pm
That’s how they spell it in the UK.
March 30, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Sheesh people, it’s a joke! I’m offended anyone thinks my anonymous profile is that dumb.
March 30, 2011 at 6:19 pm
It’s okay, my first reaction to the whole piece involved her implication that it’s a cultural thang.
The whole country ought to have her give many apology so would think to slap the fanny off her demanded explination am i right.
March 30, 2011 at 11:34 am
I love this more than words can say! The dignified start that morphs into a *dicusting* angry rant is a sign to stop responding to reviews before opening that second bottle of wine.
March 30, 2011 at 11:52 am
I totally read that as “dick sucking.” Please tell me it’s not just me.
March 30, 2011 at 12:20 pm
It’s just you. No one in the history of foul minded, perverted, chilldish, regretsy reading has ever thought “Huh, that misspelling looks like a term for fellatio.” Never. Ever. In fact, to assume a regretsy reader would ever think of such an atrocity is horrendenous, not to mention makes an ass out of you and me! *snark*
March 30, 2011 at 11:35 am
“So it was with great amusement that I found this negative (but restrained) book review linked on Twitter yesterday:…”
Even though the odds are against me, I so hope you found this on my twitter…I’d love if you knew how much I adore what you do here April!
March 30, 2011 at 11:35 am
It always ‘discusts’ me when people spell disgusting like that.
March 30, 2011 at 11:45 am
It invariably reminds me of this song:
http://www.loglar.com/song.php?id=10626
“Everybody only wants to discuss me, so this must mean I’m discuss-ting!”
He’s so brilliant in his own way.
March 30, 2011 at 11:36 am
I’ve been laughing incessantly over this for 2 days and sharing the joy with my author friends
If I believed in hell, I’d be going there in a finely handcrafted handbasket with a moustache, googly eyes, glitter and barn wood.
March 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm
“Who am I am what am I doing in this handbasket?”
March 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm
And just where ARE we going?
March 30, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Ooohhh…googly eyes! I should put some on the tops of bookmarks, so they can peek over the tops of books.
March 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm
You’d make a killing selling those on Etsy.
March 30, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Add vaginas and tag them as steampunk and you’ll make a killing.
You might even get to Regretsy.
March 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm
….Damn, now I want to do that. It would be hilarious. They need ironic mustaches, though…
February 8, 2012 at 2:19 am
OMG, I’m so turning one of my “DIY Bookmarks” (aka junked ticket blanks) into your stolen idea (that I just stole). There must be googly eyes in the house somewhere…
I wonder if using it’ll freak me out? Maybe I could use it the other way around, so it stares out at the other commuters on the tube =D
March 30, 2011 at 11:36 am
Wow…What she could have done: Posted a polite message indicating she was aware there were some errors and had since made corrections and revised the text.
What she did: Reacted like a complete psychopath, ensuring that no one will ever want to read her book. Nice job!
March 30, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Exactly, because the first one would have required too much work.
March 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Also, and I don’t claim to know the self-publishing process, but isn’t it generally before you put the thing up for sale/public download that one should make revisions?
March 30, 2011 at 7:09 pm
I would think, but then, I’m not an author, what do I know?
April 3, 2011 at 5:29 am
No, that’s a lie spread by evil corporate publishers. Shakespeare didn’t use spellcheck, did he?
March 30, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Oh, I might be tempted to read it anyway just so I could laugh at it. Anyone who takes their work that seriously deserves an opportunity to tickle my funny bone!
March 30, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Her book sounded like complete drivel anyway. I read over her blog for kicks and it sent me into a corner, frightened and skittish, wielding my knitting needles like a sword.
March 30, 2011 at 11:37 am
This happens a lot with vanity publishing authors. I remember one that got much, much worse than this. (“You jealous bitch!” was pretty much the author’s opening salvo.) The “author” is still stalking the reviewer over a year later. http://gentlewit.com/2010/02/22/my-question-remains-how-does-nanowrimo-apply-to-this/ was just the beginning. If you can track down all the pieces to it over the last year, it was hilarious.
March 30, 2011 at 11:38 am
What a bitch-a-rooni-tooni. I think someone needs a little octopus in their lives!!!
March 30, 2011 at 11:42 am
Bitch-a-rooni-tooni is now my Word of the Day.
March 30, 2011 at 11:47 am
Maybe some octocock?
Incredibly NSFW
Just Bizarre ChannelTags: Atom.com | Funny Videos | Tournament | Upload
March 30, 2011 at 11:49 am
Incredible fail. It worked in the preview
Here’s the link, NSFW
March 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Oh, man. I LMMFAO with that one!
March 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm
That’s hilarious… I’m going to make dongpocalypse a regular part of my vocabulary!
March 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
You familiar with the works of Don Hertzfeldt? Because whoever made that just totally ripped him off artistically… Still funny though!
March 30, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Mine as well.
March 30, 2011 at 11:39 am
and i thought i had trouble with criticism…
March 30, 2011 at 11:46 am
Likewise — I’ve had critiques in person to my face and I always end up shaking like a leaf.
But I have never, EVER said fuck you to someone who had something that I didn’t agree with. I don’t even think I’ve ever said something like that to personal attacks! Unreal.
March 30, 2011 at 11:52 am
same! well, maybe i would jokingly say “well you’re dumb so you don’t get it” but i always take things too personally, haha. such delicate victorian sensibilities
March 30, 2011 at 11:56 am
I’m intensely self-depreciating anyways, so I suppose that’s why things like that get to me. But you’re not alone, a lot of us have problems with criticism.
The most difficult thing is that it’s so easy over the internet to not deal criticism in a constructive manner. Anonymity is a terrible thing.
March 30, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Agreed. One of the best things I got out of art school was the ability to suck it up during a criticism. You can only start sobbing in front of your classmates so many times before you learn
March 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I took a writing class in college in which face to face scathing reviews were quite common. I think it did me a world of good after a high school experience in which I took it for granted that everyone thought I was talented and brilliant.
I think our self published writer could have used a little of that as well as a little work on grammar and spelling. What has happened to our educational system?
March 30, 2011 at 1:15 pm
She’s from England, isn’t she? So for once we can blame another country for this pile of awful.
March 31, 2011 at 8:53 am
I really have to give props to my high school painting teacher, because she taught us how to both give and take criticism – you were required to say both something you liked and something you didn’t, regardless of whether you loved or hated the other person’s work. That way everyone got praise for what they did right, but they also had to learn to take the negative comments on what they did wrong along with it. It also got people thinking more critically, instead of just going “eh, this doesn’t grab me” or “omg u guyz this is so kewl!”
March 30, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I write, and have a range of critique partners. Sure, sometimes someone “doesn’t get it” – but often if you actually listen, step back enough from the work (and your ego) far enough to realise that your critic may have a point, you can learn something.
After all, we’re writing to be read, yeah?
March 30, 2011 at 11:39 am
I too read this yesterday and both laughed and cringed. You’ve gotta feel a bit sorry for people like that – how can they be so socially clueless not to be aware responding will turn them into laughing stock?
Someone on Metafilter also linked to a video of the author reading from her, um, work. (I couldn’t watch it.)
March 30, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Oh, My! That was quite a “reading” though I really can’t see anything good coming real soon in her future.
March 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm
She sounds like Captain Sparrow.
March 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Am I the only one who wants to make a “Greek semen” joke? I’m disappointed in you all.
March 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Nope, you’re not. Highest-rated YT comment: “I’ve also released a book, titled ‘The Turkish Jizz’”
March 30, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I’m shocked it took 50 comments until someone even suggested it! (OK, fancyskants is #49. I wanted to round off so it didn’t look as if I sat here and counted the comments. Which I did. Pathetic.)
March 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I wanted to, but couldn’t think of anything wittier than ‘lol, semen!’
March 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Oy! The pain!
March 30, 2011 at 11:40 am
I really wanted her to post something after that second ‘Fuck Off!’ just so I could marvel at more of her misunderstood prose. Or for the laughs, I’m undecided.
March 30, 2011 at 11:41 am
Who is her agent? Publisher? If this idiot got a book deal, I’m going to cut my goddamn throat.
March 30, 2011 at 11:46 am
“Available on Kindle” is code for “can’t find a publisher”.
March 30, 2011 at 11:47 am
There’s nothing wrong with self-publishing. There IS something wrong with not having someone edit your work, though.
March 30, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Truth.
March 30, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Her publisher is a Xerox machine.
March 30, 2011 at 11:41 am
My friend tuned me in to this on facebook. In the end, she really just looks pathetic. Learn to deal with the fact that not everyone is going to love your work… and that vanity publishing companies do not have your best interest at heart.
March 30, 2011 at 11:41 am
She managed to get, ‘Fuck Off,’ spelled correctly. I give it 5 stars and 4 stars.
March 30, 2011 at 11:42 am
I will never understand people who don’t appreciate the value of constructive criticism! That review was a lot more polite than it could have been…what kind of moron would make a copy full of grammar & spelling errors available for review anyway?
Oh…THAT kind of moron.
March 30, 2011 at 12:07 pm
The critic spends half of her review saying that the plot and themes were compelling but that the lax editing (or lack of editing) was what made it unreadable. That’s actually a really positive review all things considered… This is what people get for being nice, they get attacked with angry cryabeetus afflicted authors!!
March 30, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Cryabeetus. I just shot soda out of my nose.
March 30, 2011 at 12:26 pm
One that thinks pure gold comes flowing out of their pen, no editing required.
March 30, 2011 at 11:43 am
Hopefully her book had less grammar/spelling errors than her blog comments, because the mistakes she made were discusting! Maybe she should hire an editor to review those too, so they can remove any mistakes she made in their. Admit it, your laughing now, aren’t you?
March 30, 2011 at 11:52 am
She just nows AL did not download that second copy!
March 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I know it was intentional, but this made me cry a little. Mostly because there are people (like the author), who really do spell this horribly. *loses hope for humanity*
March 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Never fear! Proofreaders are here! *whips out red pen*
March 30, 2011 at 6:55 pm
OUR HERO!
March 30, 2011 at 11:43 am
Oh my god AL is such an ass he doesn’t now how to even read, probably! Her righting is totally gud I hate everyone.
March 30, 2011 at 11:45 am
Stupidity is breeding in full force these days.
March 30, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 30, 2011 at 11:46 am
Even the Bible has critics, fer Christ’s sake! As Helen has said, if you’re putting your stuff out there, be prepared for criticism. You can’t please everyone.
Some of the artists (term used loosely) that get there balls in a knot about Regretsy need to understand this. They also need to lighten up and stop taking their damn selves so seriously.
March 30, 2011 at 11:46 am
She’s not a total psycho who can’t take criticism. That’s just the narrator of her response comments.
March 30, 2011 at 11:46 am
I guess people will flounce from anywhere, eh? Love people that think their shit don’t stink, when actually everything about them does.
March 30, 2011 at 11:47 am
I am laughing so hard at this that I am pretty sure everyone on the bus thinks I am insane.
Thankfully, that’s pretty normal on a bus.
March 30, 2011 at 11:50 am
I don’t believe for a second that the second amended copy was free of spelling errors.
March 30, 2011 at 6:57 pm
I can barely believe that there is a second version.
March 31, 2011 at 8:56 am
AL claims the second version is what he read.
How bad was the first version?!
March 30, 2011 at 11:50 am
I’ve helped edit several books for my indy publishing friends in the last few years, and sentence structure that odd never even made it to me, much less publishing.
It’s really bad when the “drunken dyslexic” spells better and has better grammar than you.
March 30, 2011 at 11:50 am
Your the target now! Brilliantly well written. (you’re)
I want this review removed or its considered abuse. Huh? (it’s)
I wish I had such a masterful command of the English language.
March 30, 2011 at 12:13 pm
You’re comment discusts mi.
March 30, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I want discustard. I want dat one too.
April 1, 2011 at 11:09 am
Dammit. Now I’m hungry.
March 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm
wonder if she will manage to fluff up a nice cease and desist for HK. That would make me sooo happy
March 30, 2011 at 11:50 am
Something tells me this woman would be hilariously easy to troll. >.>
March 30, 2011 at 11:51 am
Wow! I am a huge bookworm and I love checking out little known authors like this. Even self-published books can be great reads. I think I’ll be avoiding this one, though. I wanted to leave a comment that she’d been linked to Regretsy now, too (just to let her know how much bad publicity she’s getting from her behavior) but commenting has been turned off.
March 30, 2011 at 11:51 am
Dunno, it sounds kinda famil-i-a-r like, um, like, ya know, like the Etsy Admin sistas who take everything personal on Etsy and let you know it when they mute, ban, and shutter your shop with a big FU. Same shit, different source.
March 30, 2011 at 11:51 am
I will, from now on, only be accepting 4 or 5 star reviews of everything I do too. If I do not get the ratings I believe I deserve (for nothing in particular, just life in general) – I will flounce! Flouncityfuckingflounce.
p.s. btw dearie, invest in a copy of, “Eats shoots and leaves” before you try writing anything ever again.
March 30, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I *love* that book! I also have “Eats, Shites & Leaves: a Parody.” Funny stuff!
March 31, 2011 at 6:43 am
Saaay whaaaat? *immediately logs onto library catalog to find book* this may have just made my day
March 30, 2011 at 11:54 am
and if their were any spelling mistakes they were corrected.
Oh my.
March 30, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Oh gods, yes. I laughed out loud at that bit of perfection.
This whole she-bang … Why do I feel like I’m back in middle school suddenly? It’s so … energizing, like a skin cream made of baby seal placentas.
Oh barmaid! Bring me a cat bottle! I need to toast this new-found elixir of youth. The sweet syrupy tar of tear stained internet virulence.
March 30, 2011 at 11:55 am
Woman needs an ambien-and-vodka tonic, stat.
She’s pretty discusting.
March 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Do you think that would help her grammar any?
March 30, 2011 at 12:48 pm
It might put her down for a while.
I think not being able to talk/type would help her grammar considerably.
March 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm
No. But it would make her even more amusing to us…and after all, isn’t that the point?
March 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Actually, I think it would help. Fuck knows it couldn’t be any worse.
March 30, 2011 at 11:56 am
I am glad I didn’t have to bother downloading a load of crap to find out she is a terrible writer, who has issues with sentences. I know it is difficult when your writing is art to realize that proper use of English grammar and phraseology is expected of you.
I wonder if this kind of shit is like wearing a label that says “please don’t publish me” to publishers.
March 30, 2011 at 12:49 pm
It is. Only it’s a huge sandwich board, and it comes with a bell to ring as the writer walks up and down the sidewalk in front of the publishing offices.
March 30, 2011 at 11:56 am
This made me laugh so hard. “You are discusting” x]
March 30, 2011 at 11:57 am
OMG I fuking LURVED this book! I can tell it was well-ritted and exiting because I wroted it myself, just like all the 4 and 5 star reveiws I have posted about my book! And I’m english SO I should know better than any one else how to rite the fuking
lang..ummmmm words, write?? So their!March 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm
She wouldn’t know Greek seamen if it was dribbling out her arse.
March 30, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Wait for her sequal, “Santorum”
March 30, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Shit. I meant to like this but accidentally ‘disliked’ it. My apologies and assurances that I loled hard.
March 30, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Thank you!
March 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm
good god.
March 30, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Someone clearly needs to realise she has dyslexia. And that it won’t make her any worse author IF she hires a proof reader before publishing.
As far as I understood (hey, I can play stupid when I want just because English is not my native language! *grin*) the review was basically positive, but just pointed out that she skipped editing.
March 30, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Now, that’s hardly fair, I know drunk dyslexics that write better than that… Of course I actually spell better when drunk.
March 30, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Hmm, maybe she should write when drunk?
March 30, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Yeah. Maybe we should send her a bottle of pussy wine.
March 30, 2011 at 3:42 pm
With a dental floss vagina glued to its side.
March 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Dyslexia does not excuse poor spelling, awkward phrasing or not finding someone to edit & proof her work. It also does not excuse her behavior and epic ginormaflounce!
March 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm
One of my best friends is dyslexic and publishes extensively. She makes doubly sure that she has any work she puts out there edited to avoid this kind of calamity…
March 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm
It might excuse her spelling things poorly in the first place. It does not excuse her total lack of talent, editing, proofreading, professionalism & manners, or her not using a spell-checker.
March 30, 2011 at 6:06 pm
New “Ginormaflounce!” Only $19.95 + s/h Now available at fine retailers everywhere!
March 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm
It’ll sell better than her story will, guaranteed.
April 28, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Agreed. Ever heard of a woman named Agatha Christie? She was only oh, the highest-grossing female mystery writer ever. And somehow millions of Americans understand her English writing perfectly every year. How about John Grisham, ring a bell? They prove that dyslexia only holds you back if you allow it to.
April 28, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Agreed! Ever hear of a woman by the name of Agatha Christie (also English, but millions of Americans every year seem to understand her version of the language just fine)? Or a gentleman by the name of John Grisham? They prove that dyslexia only holds you back if you allow it to do so. And refusing helpful criticism and editing services is allowing it to do so.
I apologize if this posts twice, I am not sure where the first one went.
March 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm
March 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I’m a writer. I have one finished but unpublished novel to my credit, and three in progress. (They’re murder mysteries set in New York.)
I’ve been unsuccessful in finding an agent. But I’m not going to self-publish, because that means a complete lack of editorial assistance.
Everything about the original review says “no editor.” an editor would have made sure it didn’t get published with grammatical and spelling errors, and probably would have moved the introspection to a better place in the story.
(on a related note, anyone know a mystery agent?)
March 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Ha! Me too. One finished novel, three in the works. I have yet to query but I will not self publish for the same reasons!
March 30, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I also think that an agent or a publisher would have put a shorter leash on her commenting.
March 30, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I’m just guessing here, but I am pretty sure no agent or publisher wants her “work.” No one in the publishing industry will work with anyone who can’t handle constructive criticism.
Publishing isn’t like Hollywood — sticking out your boobs or pouting and crying will not make anyone overlook craptastic writing. Occasionally being already famous will, but that is what ghost writers are for.
March 30, 2011 at 12:29 pm
2011 guide to agents?
March 30, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I’ve queried about thirty agents. I need to revise my query letter and get back into it.
Like an Etsy craftsman frustrated by resellers, I can’t believe this woman has made money from her writing and I haven’t.
Oh, wait. Didn’t her first comment say she was giving it away for free?
March 30, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I’m not sure that refers to her story.
March 30, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I don’t know if it’ll help but you might want to look in the Literary Market Place at the library…
March 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Seriously, I’ve got a list.
I just have to turn a 90,000 word novel into a 300 word query.
March 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Or Writers’ Market – similar sort of deal, with addresses of agents and publishers, and suggestions about the sort of queries they prefer.
March 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Just hire an editor or at least proof reader. Most publishing houses haven’t bothered with doing that sort of thing for authors in years anyhow. They prefer it be perfect before you send it to them. Same with agents. I really don’t think you’ll get any real help from anywhere unless you hire it done.
March 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I was fortunate to have a good friend who’s a technical writer clean up my work. Her editing, and my correcting, has made my writing flow more smoothly.
March 30, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Hell, have a friend read it. Have two read it. Read it out load, that’s a great way to check for awkward language. Print it out and check it again. Don’t trust spell-check. There, I saved her the cost of a proofer, if she’s that cheap.
Somehow I don’t think that’s the issue. I think the sight of red pencil on her MS would shatter her sensitive heart.
March 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm
I have friends in the publishing industry and they all tell authors seeking to be published for the first time(and looking for an agent) to:
1. Go to the bookstore and find books of their genre.
2. Read the acknowledgments–authors frequently thank their agents.
3. Send query letters to those agents.
You could also try Literary Marketplace, which may be available online only these days (but check your local library system). There is a directory of agents.
Good luck!
March 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm
There is a directory of agents IN THE LITERARY MARKETPLACE.
Sorry, the writer’s “style” rubbed off on me.
March 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Been there, done that. My query letter sucks.
I’ve entered two contests, so I’m hoping for some positive results there.
March 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Just read all of the posts. I couldn’t stop. Did one of us post on there under the name Say What? When I saw that I was pretty proud.
March 30, 2011 at 12:10 pm
i’ve been giggling like a catholic schoolgirl over that thing for days. i think my favorite part is when the author says her language is fine and she writes fine but posts it with glaring grammatical errors. good stuff! pass the popcorn!
March 30, 2011 at 12:11 pm
This is the kind of tantrum you have in private. Then you put your smarty-pants on and realize its best to not correspond with the reviewer.
Unless you really really want all the negative attention.
March 30, 2011 at 12:15 pm
I dunno, dragging her own name through the mud like that can’t be good for sales…
March 30, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Do I need to add another ‘really’ to that?
March 30, 2011 at 12:35 pm
It’s worked for Charlie Sheen.
March 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Not really. Attention is not making him money, it’s losing him jobs.
March 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm
@lemon_bombs
I thought Chuckles Sheen has been selling out tour dates?
As for what the fuck these people are actually paying for; I have no idea.
March 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm
This is true. I expect people will lose interest the next time Kanye opens his mouth, or the circus comes to town.
March 30, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I haven’t read BigAl’s entire thread (yet), but she does say that the attention has gotten her some sales. Fuck I hope she’s lying.
March 30, 2011 at 3:34 pm
BTW, is it just me, or does anyone else keep reading BigAl as BigGayAl?
March 30, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Yes!
March 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm
It makes me think of Big Al, the Tex Ritter-voiced, robotic bear celebrity.
Bloooooooood on the saddle…
March 30, 2011 at 6:24 pm
A near fatal mixture of narcissism and self-righteousness combined to actually put her at the mercy of her critics because she can’t let it go.
March 30, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Sadly, it’s something I’m seeing more and more these days. I once made a mildly negative comment to a YouTube video and got several responses NOT from the original person that all basically said, “You need to keep your hateful opinions to yourself!!!” as if they had any authority to stop me from saying anything.
But the attitude of “anything that isn’t gushing praise is simply unacceptable and must be banned!” is creeping up on us. I understand not being good with criticism, I’m not great with it myself, but if you’re gonna put your stuff out there, you need to learn to take it. That’s life.
March 30, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I think what compounds the problem is that the flip side of the gushers is the kneejerk haters – so someone who actually takes the time to explain, thoughtfully, what they did or didn’t like gets it from both sides.
March 30, 2011 at 12:14 pm
It reminds me of those “singers” who go on “American Idol” saying, “I am a great singer! Everyone says so!” and come off sounding like fingernails on a chalkboard. Then after they are rejected, they have a screaming hissy fit for the camera. “I’ll show THEM! I’ll sell more records than Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Adam Lambert COMBINED! **** YOU! And GET THAT ****ING CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE, YOU ****ER!”
It just oozes professionalism, doesn’t it?
March 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm
I think my favorite part was when she started yimmering about the corrected version while making mistakes. Was she all 307 responses?
March 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm
I’ve downloaded lots of free e-books on my nook and most of them are self-published. They do tend to be full of errors, and the English major in me cringes. But then the cheapo side of me says – so what? It’s FREE.
But don’t any of these vanity publishers offer editing assistance, even for a fee?
March 30, 2011 at 12:38 pm
You get what you pay for.
March 30, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Ah… another person struck dumb with “Don’t say my shit smells” syndrome.
March 30, 2011 at 12:21 pm
HA! When I first saw this, I almost sent it to you… That was before it went viral, then I saw it again when Neil Gaiman had retweeted it. Glad to see it didn’t go ignored.
March 30, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Gaiman RT’d it? Kiss of death.
(…make your own Sandman joke.)
March 30, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I saw it on Gaiman’s twitter yesterday too — I laughed so hard. It was great. But his tweets are always interesting.
Then I felt the need to go read Sandman to cleanse my palette and didn’t get anything else done for the rest of the evening. Sigh.
March 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Am I the only one giggling about her title?? I can’t get past the fact that it’s like she’s talking about very specific jizz.
March 30, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Reminded me of the soup bowls in “La Cage.”
March 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Leapfrog! they are playing Leapfrog!
March 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I’m in the middle of proofreading 6 OCR-ed regency romance novels written by my (now deceased) mother for publishing in eBook form this year. There are some very interesting typos because the scanner has problems with certain ligatures (th, ll, and the like, and italic exclamation marks followed by closed quotes).
Personally, I would be very appreciative of someone who bothered to quality-control something I produced and was too lazy to do myself.
I wonder if this writer (I hesitate to call her an “author”) has actually convinced a publishing company to invest in putting her words to paper or if she just vomited this out onto Word and then uploaded to some vanity e-Press. Like what I do with my music.
My mom got some bad reviews on Amazon, and nobody in the family went and stuck a dead squirrel in the reviewer’s mailbox. People need to get a grip.
March 30, 2011 at 12:23 pm
And lest we forget: Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck!
March 30, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Ooooh, I LOVE that genre – you must let me know when you do ePublish – AND if there’s anything of hers out now….:D
March 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm
http://jacquelinehowett.blogspot.com/
That is the author’s personal blog on blogger. It’s not as atrocious as I had hoped (being a meanie and all) but it is still worthy of a few giggles.
March 30, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Ahahaha! Poor Jacqueline. Everyone else gave her four and five stars! So YOUR WRONG. Admit it. Admit it now. Just say it, damn you!
March 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
OMG, I finally broke down and created a Regretsy profile just to comment to this post and no one has even given me a thumbs up. All the other blogs have given me four and even five thumbs up. My comment is just fine! Look, Regretsy, I’m not in the mood for playing snake with you. Validate me or its just considered abuse.
March 30, 2011 at 5:10 pm
I am very sorry, we do not validate. I am afraid you will have to pay for your parking!
March 30, 2011 at 6:52 pm
Fuck off!
March 30, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Did anyone else listen to her read the exerpt from her book here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/21046
It reminded me of Mrs. Hazeltine in the writing class scene in Throw Momma From The Train: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a17ul-afTCE
“His guts oozed nice like a melted malted.”
March 30, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I’m a published author and hold a BA in Fiction Writing.
Typos on cell phones and (cough) blog post replies are one thing; professional representations, and publishable works are quite another. I would never consider releasing a book without thorough, and redundant, copy-editing and proofreading.
I also know how to take criticism with good grace. In fact, if I couldn’t, you all would have been examining my flounce ages ago. Anyone who could not handle criticism failed out of my major in college — also, anyone who could not give a critique properly. There was nothing wrong with BigAl’s critique. Not one thing is wrong.
Her reaction is way out of line. Professionals do not take professional criticism personally. This writer offers the world the first impression of a rank self-published amateur. She shot herself in the foot on her very first try. I don’t know if, and how, she can climb out of this mistake. Sad.
March 30, 2011 at 7:48 pm
I’m a reporter at a small daily newspaper. I’m having fun trying to imagine how fired my ass would be if I told my editor to fuck off.
March 30, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Her blog profile is frantic and full of boo-boos. Very sad.
March 30, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Criticizing people to the point of making them look like crackpots never gets old.
March 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Sad thing is that the criticism wasn’t really necessary, she did all the heavy lifting herself!
March 30, 2011 at 12:37 pm
April, this post was heartbreaking, awe inspiring, and all around in-fucking-credible
I avert my eyes and bow down on the ground in front of you, I vote you replace Oprah who also knows how to get motha’fuckin real.
March 30, 2011 at 12:37 pm
The writing is bad enough, but was that book cover designed in 1994? Sometimes you CAN judge a book by its cover!
March 30, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I think that’s an insult to 1994.
March 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I’m pretty sure I made a cover like that in elementary school.
The colors! They make it dramatic!
March 30, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Dear Ms. Sorensen, Mrs. Sinclair, Mrs. Owens, Mr. Carlson, and Mrs. Sievert:
Thank you for all you taught me. Thank you for drilling it into my head. I appreciate everything you all did for me. The world is forced into reading my blogs and I’m sure they appreciate your hard work. You were always my favorite teachers.
~Much Love and smooches,
Patty
PS: I gave up my lifelong dream to be a novelist when I realized that while I can write well, I suck at story-telling and character development.
Dear Wayne Simmons,
Thank you for trusting me enough to let me help with the re-release of DDG. I hope my work was up to the standards of your work.
~Your loving proofreader,
Patty
March 30, 2011 at 12:45 pm
eeeeermmmmmmmmm … did anyone else notice that the 4 star reviewers seemed to have the same dodgy sentence structure as the author?
March 30, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Am I the only one started snickering at a book entitled “The Greek Seaman”???
I figured that alone was going to be the Regretsy joke.
March 30, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I am wondering how you can title a romance novel like that and not mean it literally. I get the feeling this was a ~serious book, though.
March 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I think the title alone makes it apparent that this girl is not on the Reality Train. She’ll never be able to grow as an author, but I expect she’ll be a successful serial killer one day.
March 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm
See my post above…sounds like some kind of “trying to conceive with donor sperm” kinda thing, actually…..
“I’ll take the Greek Semen.”
March 30, 2011 at 6:29 pm
How many people bought the book and were disappointed at the lack of male-to-male anal sex?
March 30, 2011 at 12:45 pm
As a budding writer myself, I see that this girl does not know the most important rule to writing – the OPENING. It has to grab you, hook you, pull you in and want to read more. This just pulls my cursor towards the upper right corner of the screen to click that little red X. This reads like a home movie, produced by Lifetime.
March 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Don’t be dissing Lifetime, those things are awesome when drunk.
March 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
I prefer the term ‘novelist-in-training’
March 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I’d love to be a writer – or am I one already? I’ve written some stuff, I even got a rejection letter. So I guess I am. Cool.
I love my rejection letter. It wasn’t just an impersional rejection, it ran to two pages of detailed criticism. Ther were even some compliments! The thing is, that criticism was like gold dust.
I’m new to the world of writing, and negative responses hurt me like anyone else, but getting solid criticism from someone who actually knows about writing is so rare. If they say anything positive at all I’m walking on air; if they say negative things, it might smart for a little while, but I almost value it more. It’s something I can work with.
I guess it depends on how serious you are about improving.
March 30, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Exactly. If she can’t see constructive criticism for what it is – a learning lesson – then it’s time to adjust her meds.
March 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm
It is a compliment to get a rejection with criticism. Lucky you, you impressed the editor! Constructive criticism is encouragement. The fact that you understand that is another bonus! I wish you all the luck in the world!
I think Catt’s post qualifies as an Anti-Flounce.
March 30, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Catt, my husband is a published writer, and he says that the detailed rejection letter – with comments specific to your work – is a sign that the editors actually considered it. As far as rejections go, my husband always feels better about the “personalized” rejection letter than the canned “dear douchebag, thank you for submitting your story. unfortunately…” Usually when he gets a personalized rejection (esp w/ critiques), the editor also says something like “we really enjoyed reading your story! please consider submitting more of your work.”
Not as good as getting a piece accepted, but it does mean that an editor took time out of their day to give feed back to an author they’re not even publishing.
March 30, 2011 at 6:23 pm
She doesn’t need to improve. She’s already perfect!! ::eye roll::
March 30, 2011 at 12:49 pm
She seemed upset by the review.
March 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Your subtle and understated comment gave me a good laugh. Classic.
March 30, 2011 at 12:51 pm
On the subject of typos and proofreading, something that’s hacking me off just now is how many typos are in Kindle versions of older books. The new releases are just taken straight from the publisher’s electronic copy and so are as correct as the print version, but where a Kindle book has been produced for an older release, they are absolutely riddled with typos – and obvious OCR typos as well (e.g. “five” for “live”, “liim” for “him”). It’s like they haven’t even had the file proofread before putting it up for sale.
Has anyone else run into this? Talk about unprofessional – it’s one thing getting a few typos in a self-published file or a free Project Gutenberg book, but when you’ve paid money? Really annoying.
March 30, 2011 at 12:51 pm
As a self-published author (yeah, that’s big words to say I put words on a page for my amusement and edit it on a web platform) I know how sometimes you can feel disappointed or slightly down after getting a negative or neutral review. But that’s the only way you’re ever going to get better at what you write.
And now I’ll stop sounding so serious and laugh my ass off reading the thing to the end.
March 30, 2011 at 12:52 pm
“Look AL, I’m not in the mood for playing snake with you…”
Ugh, Katy, I totally understand. I had to say the same thing to my Uncle AL three times last Thanksgiving.
March 30, 2011 at 1:32 pm
@ iamhydrogen14. I wish I could give that comment a “thumbs up” a million times. I almost fell off my chair!
March 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Ha! Thanks! Seriously though, WTF does that even mean??? I mean, besides the obvious…
March 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Never mind, i figured it out! “Playing Snake” is what the Greek Seaman do below decks when they’re bored…
March 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I LOLd.
March 30, 2011 at 1:00 pm
I love how her furious tirade includes multiple grammar and spelling errors, such as “discusting” and classics like “your” instead of “you’re”.
March 30, 2011 at 1:04 pm
“Just look at your ball all of you….look at you.”
I just found my epitaph.
March 30, 2011 at 1:11 pm
all i can say is “wow”….
way be a winner there lady.
i like the super classy “f off,” not once, but twice. take that, everyone else.
March 30, 2011 at 1:14 pm
What’s disturbing is the way she gets increasingly worked up. What’s her next email going to be? Death threats? “You bettar wach you’re back, AL!!!”
Poor Al. Guy just wanted to enjoy a free read about, um, Greek seamen (BTW what’s up with that???).
March 30, 2011 at 1:14 pm
“Criticism is the price you pay for having an audience.”
That should be a bumper sticker.
March 30, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Jeez, and I heard Fanfiction.net was bad.
March 30, 2011 at 7:14 pm
That place is a treasure trove of authorial flounce.
March 30, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Hm, she lives about an hour away from me according to her blog. Of course the crazies would be in Florida…
March 30, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I am not crazy! The doctors gave me a note!
March 30, 2011 at 1:27 pm
This is possibly the best review I have ever read, followed by a review I read regarding a whorehouse in Wakiki:
5.0 out of 5 stars A GREAT story about Seaman, March 29, 2011
By
Dunning Kruger
This review is from: The Greek Seaman (Kindle Edition)
I’ve traveled the world and can understand the author’s attraction to Greek Seaman. Although, I have never experienced Greek Seaman, I consider myself an expert in Seaman from around the world. I have been exposed to warm Seaman, cloudy Seaman, forceful Seaman, drippy Seaman and salty Seaman. I have received Danish Seaman, Russian Seaman, Japanese Seaman and even countries that couldn’t provide Seaman. Obviously, I love Seaman. I’m always looking for any chance to experience Seaman. Thanks to this author, I know now that Greek Seaman is something I have to have. The desire for Greek Seaman is so intense that I can almost taste it. Please read this book. I guarantee that you’ll want to have as much Greek Seaman as possible.
March 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Another gem from her website:
I wrote this poem. ‘Sands of time,’ to my entry into America, when I seemingly fled Old England in 1988, at the beginning of the first Arab invasion, not long after the Arabs became educated.
Those pesky Arabs and their edumacation….
March 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm
The Arabs invaded England in 1988? Wha…?
March 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm
If the Arabs were educated in the 1980s, who invented algebra?
March 30, 2011 at 9:29 pm
It’s probably the date when the al-Fayed family bought Harrods. I think the phrase is ‘barely veiled racism’.
March 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm
“Seemingly fled”? Does she not know if she fled or not?
March 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Reminds me of that South Park ep with the Seamonkeys.
March 30, 2011 at 9:41 pm
having lots of fun with the sea people!!!
March 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm
After the review from the sock puppet and his cousin the snood-puppet, all the reviews over two stars were making fun of the title.
March 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm
That was a great review. Some hilarious reviews on Amazon. My favorite review titles: “Carry your stocky build carefully back to the editing table”, “Seaman Stains” & “Would make good toilet paper if it was printed”. I also loved that on the review you quoted, one of the comments was, “PS – Are you saying that the author sucked?”
March 30, 2011 at 3:50 pm
In case this looked confusing, I was trying to reply to #71. Fuckenigma
March 31, 2011 at 3:24 am
This could be the next big printing medium
http://www.justtoiletpaper.com/customnew.shtml
March 30, 2011 at 1:36 pm
So the not entirely unpleasant original review was posted on AL’s site on the 16th but when Howett went batshit on the 28th, the thread collected over 300 comments in about 7 hours. The
interwebsinternet = a marvelous place! Eventually, I started to feel bad for her, but when the humanitarian posters started saying that “every rant hides a real person who is having a crappy day” I started to snicker uncontrollably. I am all for compassion, but let the hilarity run its course, you make your bed and all…March 31, 2011 at 8:49 am
I was starting to feel a bad about that too, and then I realized her “crappy day” really was 12 crappy days. So I went back to laughing.
March 30, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I know she didn’t use an editor, but this kind of writer is the reason that editors get cranky and feel underpaid.
March 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
And that’s why a lot of writers feel…KNOW…they need an editor
March 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm
The only thing I can really think of is the fact that she is probably some pretentious cunt who tells every single person she meets in whatever store or place she is in that she wrote a book. And probably tries to dumb down people over their job, and she cannot even spell, for fucks sake.
March 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I know this is harsh, but if you’re not willing to take criticism, then I don’t think you have any business trying to make it as a professional artist/writer/etc. Criticism is part of the process – other than practice, it’s what helps refine and improve your work. I’m not saying it’s easy to hear – it takes time to grow a thick skin (it took me 3.5 years of art school before I didn’t cry after every in-class critique.) But if you don’t want to open yourself to criticism or negative reviews, then don’t put your work out in public. Period. Keep your creative pursuits as something you do simply to please yourself, not something you sell to make a living.
I’m an artist, my husband is a writer, and both of us agree that I’m the harshest critic we know. But I only get really critical when I can see potential awesomeness. If something REALLY sucks, I usually won’t even bother to think of something to say. A good critic is only trying to help the artist improve their work.
March 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I was sad the comments were closed on the review. The fact that “Fuck off” was the most grammatically correct response she had scared me off the book. Tragic really.
March 30, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I’m resisting replying to everyone’s comments with “Fuck off!”
March 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Oh yeah, well fuck off then!
March 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Fuck off yourself!
March 30, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Now I’m happy.
March 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Is your pic Linguo? I’m hearing “fuck off!” in his voice…
March 31, 2011 at 9:41 am
Yep, it is Linguo. I suppose he might say, “You should go and fuck off!”
March 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I had a really long, awful, soulcrushing, make you feel stupid sort of day.
Thanks to this place I know there are people stupider than me and I’m laughing again. This place needs to be put into bottle or pill form.
March 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm
LOL brilliant. Did anyone watch the video of her reading an excerpt? She sounds like a masculine Alan Carr.
March 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I couldn’t finish watching it. It’s almost like nails on chalkboard.
March 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Her next book should be a collection of her insane rants against “The Man.” She can call it “Vitriol.”
March 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Any other “Wayne’s World” fans thinking what I’m thinking: “Psycho hose-beast! Get the net!”
March 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I just looked at Amazon. It’s not free, it’s $4.99.
I guess the emergency back-up version hidden under the crocheted hoop-skirted dolly on top of the toilet was free.
March 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm
As someone who once received a rejection letter stating, “You should never write again. This story is terrible and offensive,” I can say with certainty that this writer overreacted to a thoughtful critique. Save the vitriol for a future manuscript and learn from the experience.
March 30, 2011 at 2:29 pm
That’s fantastic. I hope you framed it.
March 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm
April, I just want you to know that I trooped right over to Amazon and checked the NO box next to, “Did you fight this review helpful.” Anything else I can do for you?
March 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Best flounce I’ve seen all week.
March 30, 2011 at 2:52 pm
That flounce would trim a thousand wedding dresses.
March 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm
She said in a later post that her book is making more sells than ever. So, she should shut her big yap and enjoy the free publicity before she makes an even bigger ass out of herself. If that’s possible anymore.
March 30, 2011 at 2:39 pm
I don’t think it’s possible. Her fuck off flounce was the coup de gravy.
March 30, 2011 at 2:06 pm
If people are going to send hate mail, they need to follow John Scalzi’s Rules
http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/003464.html
March 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm
The premise of the book actually sounds interesting. I might have read it, if the author didn’t go postal. :S I don’t want to read something by someone who’s totally wigged out- it might rub off or something. ;_;
March 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Craziness is highly contagious.
March 30, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Ugh. I hate people who can’t take criticism.
I used to read this webcomic by a guy who was absolutely terrible at taking criticism. I pointed out to him that perhaps he shouldn’t tell people to kill themselves just because they were disagreeing with him on something (trying my very best to be as polite as possible so as not to step on any super-sensitive toes), and surprise, surprise. He told me I was a liar, that I was slandering him, that I was too stupid to live and that I should go kill myself. Repeatedly. Once, he actually implied that the other guy should’ve been murdered for lying about him.
The sad thing was that people didn’t lose any respect for him, they actually cheered him on when he did this! “Yeah, you show him!” “LOL I love how you told that moron to kill himself
:D”.
I lost all the respect I had for him, and have never, ever, read anything written by him again.
March 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm
…Ugh, just re-read that and one sentence doesn’t really make sense.
“Once, he actually implied that the other guy should’ve been murdered for lying about him.”
The reason I told him to learn how to handle criticism in the first place was that he told a man to kill himself for not liking the way he linked to a page voting for him in a contest (although, admittedly, overreacting). So that would be “the other guy” that I mentioned.
March 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Back in Ye Olden Dayes, I liked looking at fuzzy puppies on the website Cute Overload sometimes. Then one day, the lady who runs it promoted a medical charity, and a commenter said they were surprised, since that organization does animal testing. (5 minutes on Google: yes, they do use animals for medical testing.) The next 50 or so comments were fuck off and die, how dare you spread lies like that, etc. Capped off by the owner saying “Aww thanks for defending me, guys! Some people are such assholes.”
I’ve never gone back there since. It’s amazing how having zero respect for someone makes you want to completely avoid everything they do.
March 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm
i have no words.
March 30, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Apparently, neither did she. At least, not proofread ones.
March 30, 2011 at 2:47 pm
It’s been days since all this went down. If she released a statement to the effect of “I lost my damn mind and made a complete ass of myself. I apologize to everyone and I can only dream of redeeming myself,” I’d be giving her major props for having some grace and class. So far, she still seems to be living in the world of “I’m perfect because I say so and everyone else is discusting”. Sad.
March 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I would have liked her grace and class more if she hadn’t been forced into it.
March 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm
I read her blurb as well. I would say this is one of those “writers” that uses spell check on their Microsoft Word and assumes everything is okay (wow, that whole sentence is grammatically wrong! Damn you migraine!). I feel bad for her, since her tantrum is going to always haunt her “career”. But that the same time… HA!
March 30, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Jacqueline Howett said…
The book is out there doing well without your comments. My first book is great! and I intend to promote now without your ball. Face it AL, you did a booboo, and you can’t correct it!
Guess she expects him to kiss it and make it better?
March 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm
It’s all to make him mad and then have angry kissing! This really is a lifetime movie!
Where’s my popcorn?
March 31, 2011 at 7:03 am
Why does she need one of Al’s balls to promote her book?
March 30, 2011 at 3:20 pm
She has the weirdest cockney/something accent in her youtube videos.
I think she sounds like the priest from the Princess Bride…in a much less endearing way.
March 30, 2011 at 3:20 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdqQ2VfvHCk
and for comparison
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbqv3MwwVd8
March 30, 2011 at 3:22 pm
This really has gone viral- I just got finished reading about this on Cafemom in a tiny little writers group- crazy.
Oh and just so you know, just about the only one who can get away with this kind of thing is Tim Minchin (aka, GOD)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Onjdw_FXyw
March 30, 2011 at 3:34 pm
‘I hope something you love catches on fire’
I can’t stop laughing. And his rant was well written!
March 30, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Winner of the fuck off club monthly prize, Jacqueline Howett.
Times like these, insert Guns n’ Roses song “Welcome to the Jungle.”
Please glitter, hang, and share.
March 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm
This was quite a laugh. It never ceases to amaze me when “adults” behave like 8th graders… and spell like them too.
Shit, I can write better than this lady and my degree’s in Geology.
March 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Yeah, well, you at least have some sort of a degree. I kinda doubt this “writer” made it through 8th grade. She can flounce like a pro, though.
March 30, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Why do some “authors” write their own reviews or get family & friends to shill for them? Is anyone really fooled by that? A couple of her positive reviews on Amazon are obvious shills & 1 is apparently from some stupid fucking douche canoe who didn’t read the book & said it would be mean to give only one star. Or something like that. Whenever I see a book on Amazon where the author has obviously written a glowing review of their own book, whether they’re openly praising themselves or pretending that someone else is, that immediately makes me decide not to buy the book. It just looks so fucking unprofessional.
March 30, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Why doesn’t anyone who doesn’t know how to fucking spell post a book on the internet? I’d like that to be the million dollar question.
DISCUSTING according to the dictionary=Term meaning–we will diss you for not editing your book The Greek Seaman and provide you with negative reviews for the rest of your life. Therefore, in a nutshell, you’re totally fucked. Have a nice day.
March 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm
The worst mistake I ever made was criticizing the artwork of a friend’s significant other. We are both painters. I’m self taught, they went to college for it. Unfortunately for the situation, my artwork is more locally popular, sells well and is more technically accurate when it comes to anatomy (ei. can I draw hands/feet/eyes very well). Because I admitted I didn’t like their work (sorry, some people hate what I do too, it happens), I instantly became the target of snobby snarkiness.
I hate people with a weak skin. Sometimes your shit sucks and you have to go back and try harder. If michelangelo had drawn stick figures, the pope would have told him he sucks ass and no he can’t sculpt his tomb or paint his church.
March 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Clearly this is Big Al’s fault for not reading her upcrafted second edition.
March 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm
What a bitchpants.
March 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm
This chick is such a nut job. I have written more concise EMAILS at my workplace than this idiot. If her replies were this horrid, can you imagine the actual book?!
March 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm
She should have hired someone who is studying professional writing to edit her work for a very small fee. I read the post, and the comments, and it is clear that this author’s writing needs to be edited for typos. It’s also important to know when to walk away from a negative review, because the comments got really nasty on that blog, and the author dropping the f-bomb didn’t help at all. It was so happy to see a LOLcat in the comments here, though. Isn’t there a lolcat for every situation?
March 30, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I, personally, think she handled it in a very mature manner, and think it’s great that she had the moxy to defend herself so passionately.
….
March 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I feed off shit like this. People like this invigorate me. They make me feel like I could kill a man at ten paces with one blow of my tongue.
March 30, 2011 at 5:26 pm
…….and then the thorazine kicked in…..
March 30, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Oh Lord. I HAD laugh at how correct others were and how that author is completely oblivious to the situation she just got herself into. Also, at first I read it as “The Greek SeaMEN” and had to laugh about that for a while because it sounds like semen.
Anyways, QUESTION: Does this author think that she can get away with this insanity and it will never be seen again? If I were a publisher, I would search her name on Google. Then, I would find this in News: http://flavorwire.com/166276/how-not-to-handle-a-negative-review, as well as this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/mar/30/jacqueline-howett-bad-review-fury.
Now how the hell does she think a publisher would pass something like this up, and overlook it so that they could continue to believe that she should be published by them? I am VERY baffled, and I can’t tell you how much I am praying that she sees this post and comments on it (cause we’re already lazy, selfish, fat, ugly, stupid, etc.!) (X
March 30, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I like how all the positive reviews she cut and pasted were ALSO teeming with grammatical errors. Girl knows her audience, I guess.
March 30, 2011 at 6:02 pm
As well as she knows herself!
March 30, 2011 at 5:54 pm
“Don and Katy watched hypnotically Gino place more coffees out at another table with supreme balance.”
I love this whimsicle collection of words. Probably not for the reasons she typed them out, but it kinda takes your breath away. I would consider purchasing a copy not just for the enjoyment, but perhaps so the writer will learn to enjoy the attention however it comes. Perhaps she will put it to constructive use and provide her work with more thorough editing, or perhaps she will specialise fully in verbal clusterfuckery. Either way, she should be thankful…that book bidness is hard, I hear.
March 30, 2011 at 6:26 pm
How can you people laugh and mock this poor woman? Don’t you understand? She created this book IN HER ARTISTIC ABILITY! ALL BY HERSELF! *uncontrollable weeping, flouncing to follow*
March 30, 2011 at 6:29 pm
More evidence of our in-praise-of-mediocrity society. Just because you write doesn’t mean it’s good, or even worth reading. Hallmark lied to you about being ‘unique’ and ‘talented.’ Really good writing ability is RARE. Self-publishing, what a great idea!
March 30, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Helen, I love your criticism quote! I posted it on my FB page!!! (should I’ve have asked first? hmmm… wtf, I gave you credit anyway. Lol)
“…criticism is the price you pay for having an audience. You have to find a way to live with it. If you’re really sensible, you can look at it objectively, take the input you find useful, and reject the observations you disagree with. Because at the end of the day, we’re only talking about opinions, and the one that really matters is yours.”
March 30, 2011 at 6:48 pm
MIcrosoft word might not catch everything but I think it would have got the convoluted “Gino” sentence.
March 30, 2011 at 6:48 pm
That is actually fucking terrible. I can’t stand people who are SO unprofessional.
I have been told that I have an innate talent for writing. However, if someone dislikes my writing, or thinks it is pretentious (my friend actually thinks it is, and I’m okay with that! Christ.), I’m alright with it. People are entitled to their own opinions, whether they are positive or negative. Instead of getting so pissy, why not take it as constructive criticism?
If I ever react like this, if I’m ever published, please put a bullet in my brain posthaste. ):
March 30, 2011 at 7:02 pm
OMG what a psycho. She should be apologizing that a bad version was out there in the first place. Biatch
March 30, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Ooooh boy does that remind me of some people I’ve known. I’m reminded of the saying “Opinions are like assholes…everyone’s got one!”
I knew one person who got really furious with a critic who tried to give her pointers. She was mad because he wasn’t “nice” to her. I read his review and he was perfectly civil and polite.
I write, draw, and sew. I’ve been told I should stop, that I should drown myself, and other things. I try to take the good and helpful and flip the bird at those just trying to be mean.
If one puts something on display they’re going to get critism both good and bad. I remember my Dad telling me “If you can’t take the bad when you work you don’t deserve the good.”
March 30, 2011 at 8:56 pm
wow! I love that she felt the need to tell everyone to Fuck Off a second time. So discusting!
March 30, 2011 at 10:00 pm
I’m not going to say “AS A WRITER” because I hate when people do that, but I am going to say one thing: that bitch needs to get to a community college– maybe even a remedial high school class– and enroll in Composition 1. I will gladly edit her shit gratis, just for 1. the laughs and 2. because the world really, really needs it to happen.
March 30, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Dammit that was 2 things!
March 30, 2011 at 10:14 pm
My OCD has kicked in, I can’t help myself:
.
There are a minimum of eleven (she really hates the word email)grammatical or punctuation errors in the author’s rebuttals. I think she just proved BigAl’s point
March 30, 2011 at 11:04 pm
These are all direct quotes from her comments:
-and if their were any spelling mistakes they were corrected.
-downloading the fresh copy i insisted.
-This is not only discusting and unprofessional on your part
-Your the target not me!
-My first book is great! and I intend to promote now without your ball.
-Why read the wrong copy? that don’t make sense.
-thats how I now he never downloaded the clean copy.
-You are a big rat and a snake with poisenous venom.
I would never buy any of her horrible books since she obviously can’t write. If someone gave me one of her books as a gift, I would literally set it on fire. Preferably after shitting on it, but you know how unpredictable shitting can be. No, you know what? I’d wait until I had to go, shit on her book, and then light it on fire. Fuck her.
March 31, 2011 at 12:54 am
I have just read through all the comments, hoping in desperation to find that the author had appeared here in all her sassy infamy to say “fuck you” to everyone at Regretsy.
Alas, I am let down.
I wanted a shitstorm.
March 31, 2011 at 7:39 am
Wow, concern trolls in full force for the last few dozens of comments! STOP BEING MEANIES YOU ARE MAKING HER KILL HERSELF SHE IS OBVIOUSLY ILL AND ALSO A SMALL PUPPY.
I particularly love this comment (timestamp March 28, 2011 4:15 PM):
I am so sorry, Mr. important active agent. Will you forgive me if I blow you?
March 31, 2011 at 8:33 am
She reviewed herself:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8779069-amorphous-angelic-selected-poems
March 31, 2011 at 9:23 am
Well if she finds the review so discusting, all she has to do is have her layer send a crease & desist!
March 31, 2011 at 11:06 am
I have alerted my fellow readers via Facebook to run the other direction… or if they must read it, borrow it from the library. I feel this level (or perhaps sublevel) of behavior should not be awarded with sales just as a screaming kid should not be given an ice cream cone.
March 31, 2011 at 6:58 pm
I’m discusted.
April 1, 2011 at 12:18 pm
So, she has misspelling’s in her bitching statement defending her work as “fine” and “proofread”? If you can’t handle being told you need to refine your work, simply write your stories and then burn them. I don’t think she understands that surrounding herself with people that only tell her she craps roses will make her an even worse writer.
April 2, 2011 at 5:49 am
“Seaman” is a typo.
April 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Dear Jacqueline It’s spelled “disgusting.”
April 14, 2011 at 10:16 am
Too bad she didn’t have this argument with David Thorne of http://www.27bslash6.com.