The Future Mrs. Sad Hipster
A few weeks ago, we told you about the sad hipster in the one sleeved scarf slarf. He was sad. Sad and dancing.
And why wouldn’t he be? It’s hard to be a hipster. Not only do you have the stress of just being ironic all day long, you have to find a way to connect in the mean streets of Brooklyn, where people would just as soon blog as look at you.
So how do you do it? How do you find the Franny to your Zooey? How do you look across a crowded Boba shop and see the person you were meant to be above it all with?
Well, you can’t. Not by yourself, anyway. So why not let Regretsy do it for you? Let us find your Partner in Ennui. We’re just sitting here looking at pictures all day, we’ll probably see them before you will. Maybe that’s because our glasses actually have lenses in them.
Here’s our first match, using our 29 dimensions of Wessonality. That’s actually from an old commercial, but you wouldn’t know that because you don’t own a TV.
Sad Hipster, meet the Future Mrs. Sad Hipster.
Okay, maybe it’s not perfect. There is a bit of an age difference, but you always loved Harold and Maude! And maybe she likes big open stitches and he likes tighter knits, but they both like sleeves with neck holes and they both like looking sad. That’s enough to build a dream on.
Most importantly, they both love to dance.
Have fun, you two!
March 28, 2011 at 4:33 pm
that’s one rockin’ piece of non-functional garment.
March 31, 2011 at 11:35 pm
a compilation of zee hipsters
http://bit.ly/fBMIw9
March 28, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Sad hipster cougar?
Sad hipster tabby?
What do sad hipsters have?
March 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Sad pandas… they’re endangered, you know. *heavy sigh*
March 28, 2011 at 5:47 pm
She does rather look like a sad, bold-statemented, black-on-white panda…
March 28, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Sad hipsters dont have cougars or sugar daddies, they have PIBs – Parent(s) In Black
Though in this case it should be PIBIWFWYDASEP:
Parent In Black I Wouldn’t Fuck With Your Dick And Someone Else Pushing
March 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Holy shit, monkey! Was your mom frightened by a sad hipster while pregnant with you?
I gave you a thumbs-up, by the way. Because that shit cracked me up. You had me at “with your dick” but I damn near laugh-snorted at “and someone else pushing”… I live a sheltered life, I’d never heard that before.
Kudos. COO-DOHZ!
March 28, 2011 at 7:07 pm
Thank you.
As to the etymology of PIB, there may be some discussion.
PIB can be short for Person In Black, a reference to all of those upper middle class white kids who find life so troubling they must dress in black to show their disdain/concern for “everything” (yeah, try poor and Haitian, asshole)
So, it could be argued that a Person In Black who grows up to be a Parent In Black could also be referred to as a Mr or Mrs PIB (see sugardaddy and/or milf) if they retain their anti-establishment-lite outlook while living in a $2 million brownstone in Brooklyn and like to hang out at the coffee bards (typo on purpose)with the younger folks in hopes they might get laid.
Which leads me to a final point:
Q: Why does Mr.Pibb come in a can?
A: Cause Mrs. Pibb died.
Hey-Hoo!
(By the way the veal sucks.)
March 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Sad hipster endangered snow leopard? Because white on black makes a bold statement.
March 28, 2011 at 6:14 pm
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March 29, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Owley.. there is nothing sad about those breastages… they look quite ample to me.
March 29, 2011 at 9:16 pm
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March 28, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I’d be sad too if my wrist was half detached from my arm.
March 28, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Sad Hipster has quite the package. If he’d turn off his emo crap for 10 minutes, I could put a smile on his face.
March 29, 2011 at 4:48 am
Nice package? Girl you needs to get out more.
March 28, 2011 at 4:35 pm
What’s most important is to confirm the shrug orientations of you and your potential partner – are you right-left compatible, or do you prefer matching shrugs?
(We’ll save the discussion of cowl-attraction for another day…)
March 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm
First, I love fucking Harold and Maude like no one’s business.
Second, wtf? Is there some city in the world on some stupid ass axis so that half your body is always facing the sun and half is cold? This trend…what? I guess even the makers of stupid shit have to watch for copycats… -_-
March 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm
No…they used different arms. Theory debunked. Hey! Together they could come together to make one shitty sweater instead of two shitty sleeves. Yaaay sweaterbaby!
March 28, 2011 at 5:10 pm
But together, if they were dancing, the beshrugged arms would be on the same side. So maybe the whole half-cold thing still works!
March 28, 2011 at 5:46 pm
True love conquers all logic! <333
Thank you.
March 29, 2011 at 9:39 am
You see, the sleeve is for their northerly sides. Sad hipster only walks west. Future Mrs. Sad Hipster only walks east. They have exactly one chance to meet! In 5… 4… 3… 2…
March 28, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I love that movie too. We had a fish that we would always think was dead but then 5 minutes later it would be swimming around just fine. After a couple times of being nearly fooled by it’s death act, we renamed it Harold.
March 28, 2011 at 5:08 pm
You might want to rephrase that. “I fucking love Harold and Maude,” or “I love fucking Harold and Maude.” Unless you actually are into threesomes, and hey, I’m not judging.
March 28, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Eh, it’s a slow night. Either/or.
XD
And for the record, I fucking love Harold and Maude.
March 28, 2011 at 4:36 pm
aw, the thought of a brood of sad hipster babies that might come from this union makes me weep a little.
March 28, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Their children would each wear one half of a pair of pants.
March 28, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Of course, that would mean as infants they would wear half a diaper. Things could get messy. Ironically messy.
March 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm
sad hipster babies grow up to be tight-ass republicrats. Don’t you know anything?
March 29, 2011 at 9:30 am
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March 28, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Her boob is seriously taking one look at that sleeve and making a run for it in the opposite direction.
March 28, 2011 at 4:37 pm
She’s got more moves than him, I don’t know if it’d work out. She might actually fit in at a dance club, and we can’t have that.
March 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I don’t know about this one…
A sad hipster may be even sadder that the one sleeve knit scene isn’t obscure any longer…obviously that woman is now mainstream.
Poor sad hipster.
March 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm
1 in 5 relationships start online, and more of them end on Etsy.com.
March 28, 2011 at 4:39 pm
asimetrical… <<< really?
March 28, 2011 at 7:42 pm
I think they meant ass-imetrical…
March 28, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I’m a little confused by the length of that cowl-tail in the back there. I think that would just snag on EVERYTHING you walked by when you “went down-town for your special night”.
March 28, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Was that a euphemism?
March 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm
God, that would mean wearing it in the… euphemistic situation. o_O
March 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm
I was wondering about that damned tail too! I once had a black bathing suit with a really long tie at the back of the neck. When it wasn’t getting tangled around my arms, I’d be swimming along and BAM! SNAKE! And I’d scream like a muppet…
March 28, 2011 at 6:37 pm
Okay, “scream like a muppet” made me snort my drink up my nose.
March 28, 2011 at 8:29 pm
No, no! It’s not a tail, it’s a liripipe! Great medieval allusion . . . or was she just all “what do I do with these @#%$ loose ends?! Oh, I’ll just knit/crochet them till I can’t any more, then tie a knot!”
March 28, 2011 at 10:14 pm
That made the SCAdian in me laugh…
March 29, 2011 at 6:57 pm
The SCAdian in me said, “Pff, crocheting isn’t period.”
*hangs head*
March 30, 2011 at 8:52 am
Grr, can’t nest, so to Mistletoe: the SCAdian in me once wrote an article attempting to prove that crochet IS period. I won an Extraordinary Merit for it, too, and had someone else use my research to document THEIR project. (Today, though, I’d have to take another look at the evidence).
March 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm
The best part is he’s “right sleeve” and she’s “left sleeve”.
They fit together like two halves of a sad “BFF” Heart necklace.
PS: Someone should make an animation of both of them dancing together. I lack the talent and know how.
March 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm
And wuv, twu wuv, will follo wu forevfah.
March 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I want to see these two dance together so badly… almost enough to do the work myself.
March 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Egads… we’re a lazy bunch. I was just thinking the same thing…if someone else would do the work for me.
March 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm
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March 28, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I just discovered that I am filled with more hate than I previously thought. Well, hate and judgementalness…
March 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I’m not filled with hate at all. Just judgmentalness. There’s no room left for hate.
March 28, 2011 at 7:38 pm
In Etsyspeak that would be “judgeminty” (Newly discovered judgmentalness, that had been hanging around for years.)
March 28, 2011 at 10:52 pm
Gas. Just gas.
March 28, 2011 at 4:42 pm
WELL, my first thought was NO, NO, NO.
That is until, I could view her loveliness IN A ROOM. And a purple room at that… the room’s purple matches sad hipster’s purple one-armed shrug, so I say, let nature take its course and create some f**ckin royalty!
March 28, 2011 at 8:15 pm
And sad hipster is on her computer. Great details.
March 28, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Are people who aren’t stick figures allowed to be hipsters? I don’t think she’s a vegan.
March 28, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Yeah, stop making me like Sad Hipster, April. If he was actually into the hunka honeys, the chunky chickies, the squeezable sheilas, he’d be automatically disqualified from Hipsterism. Or hipsterdom. Or hipvestitism. I’m not sure what the noun form is.
March 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm
But wouldn’t him liking the big gals make him somewhat ironic, in an I-don’t-even-fucking-know-what-ironic-means kind of way?
March 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I’m a vegan and I’m also pretty damn far from being a stick fire. I am not, thank funk, a hipster.
March 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I’m going to start making sure I thank funk every day.
March 28, 2011 at 6:16 pm
He’s one of the lesser-known gods of the Greek Pantheon.
March 28, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Mixed age couples are the new mixed race couples. It’s very hip right now.
March 28, 2011 at 4:56 pm
so then, white on black isn’t bold anymore?
March 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Really? So, what was all that old man on young twat action, like in Romeo & Juliet, and Henry VIII, and pretty much all throughout history about?
Or is it “what’s good for the gander is good for the goose” that seems to be happening “now”.
March 28, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I regularly get high fives for my younger boyfriend.
When they’re not asking, “Would your son like a drink with his meal?”
(Sadly, true story. We’re only 11 years apart, and I’m not completely shot to hell for my age either. Yet people sometimes assume he is my son. I guess thinking of him as my boyfriend is just too yucky for some fucktards.)
March 28, 2011 at 9:08 pm
*high five*
March 28, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Conversely, my 30 year old son and I are regularly mistaken for a couple. We are more than 11 years apart. We also look a LOT alike.
I would be flattered, but…yuck.
March 30, 2011 at 8:56 am
*another high five*
March 28, 2011 at 4:44 pm
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March 28, 2011 at 5:11 pm
This is Regretsy, you can say ‘pussies’ here… we encourage it, in fact. We don’t judge… that.
March 28, 2011 at 10:34 pm
I also gave you a thumbs up for the obscure Cobra Starship reference.
March 28, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I seriously do not understand the concept of these things… I’m sorry – but who the fuck only needs to warm only ONE of their arms?
March 28, 2011 at 4:57 pm
One must study in the ways of irony to overcome the hipsters. If you question it, they gain 5 points.
March 28, 2011 at 5:02 pm
People stuck in traffic jams with their left arm resting on the window/door of the car?
People working on a hipster tan vs a farmer’s tan?
Not sure. I try to understand these things, but….
March 28, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Don’t stress yourself. Hipsters wear stupid shit for the sake of wearing stupid shit…or “irony”. It is not for us non-Hipsterians to understand.
March 28, 2011 at 5:04 pm
their other arms are warmed by the creative energy it take to make a new thing by cutting off half a useful thing that already existed.
like finger gloves.
I’m waiting for one legged-leggings
March 28, 2011 at 5:44 pm
March 29, 2011 at 9:33 am
illbilly, you have just hit on the new latest fuckery to sell on Etsy. Run with it and hurry, so we can all make sly bitchy remarks about you. Are you in?
March 28, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Don’t you know any one-armed people? This is perfect for them! Also for people who wish they only had one arm.
March 28, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Having two arms is SO mainstream.
March 28, 2011 at 7:54 pm
I don’t think you’d catch Bob from “Twin Peaks” in one of these. No way, no how. (Unless, maybe, it was plaid flannel.)
March 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm
If we could find someone with a circle scarf and/or a knit tube top, they could have a threesome/foursome and later combine the pieces of their creations to make a functioning piece of clothing.
They’re like pieces to a puzzle, if we add all sorts of other knit wearable creations we could end up with a knit fetish piece! The possibilities… are endless.
March 28, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Sweater tetris. Sweatris?
March 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm
He’s got the right sleeve, she’s got the left sleeve. If they breed the baby might have a full fucking jumper!
March 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm
While I agree the jumpers may end up cute and well-made (I have to admit, while being pieces of shit clothing, they are well-made pos’s) I would like us to have the option of having one or both of them fixed before they date.
March 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm
She has some legitimately cute stuff in her store, despite this goofy doodad.
March 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I could rock that slouchy hat. If I wasn’t banned from buying more hats. >_>
March 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm
bold statement: I AM READY TO CUDDLE
March 28, 2011 at 4:55 pm
It’s like Mrs. Robinson done by Wes Anderson. Or maybe Woody Allen if we’re feeling retro upcycled vintage.
March 28, 2011 at 4:57 pm
I personally think that the maker of this trolls regretsy looking for cool shit to riff on. Next she’ll make some bacon-finger glingers. Watch.
March 28, 2011 at 6:20 pm
I would buy those. It would be like having bacon finger puppets!
March 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Coolbeing relative, of course.
March 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm
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March 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm
OHHHHHHHHHHH do your shrugs hang low, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Do your shrugs hang lowwwwwwwwwwww!
I want to see them dancing together singing this. Sick of me isn’t it?
March 28, 2011 at 6:54 pm
I second that, yet I would also like to see a dance off, walk-off, and what the hell…shot-put competition between the two of them. Maybe I have some sort of sick hipster/knit-wear perversion.
March 29, 2011 at 10:00 am
The one sleeved sweater is probably FOR shot-putters. So they keep the shotting arm (putting arm?) warm and limber.
March 28, 2011 at 4:58 pm
The worst part is that by the time I get used to seeing one armed fuckery, Etsy will likely be flooded by one legged pants. Le shudder.
March 28, 2011 at 5:03 pm
March 28, 2011 at 5:08 pm
YAAAAY!
March 28, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Your avatar says it all. It makes that “YAAAAY!” very sarcastic in my head.
March 28, 2011 at 5:10 pm
AWW YEAH trousers for any occasion
March 28, 2011 at 5:57 pm
fuck the trousers… what the fuck is on her NECK?
March 28, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Tsk. If you even have to ask, you are clearly no hipster. I’m going to ironically ignore you now.
March 29, 2011 at 10:02 am
Oh, c’mon! It’s so OBVIOUSLY a BDSM sleep mask. You’ve probably never heard of it. It was a cool thing a couple weeks ago. /hipster
March 29, 2011 at 9:36 am
illbilly? Is that you?
March 28, 2011 at 5:02 pm
No way. I live in Williamsburg, the Hipster Capital of the Known Universe, and I know that hipster dudes ONLY date stick figures. This woman has breasts, hipster dudes are frightened by breasts. Also she’s over 30,people over 30 are actually not visible to hipsters.
March 28, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Holy shit. Now that you mention it, you’re right! Well, that puts a bright and shiny spin on being fat and almost 30. Yay!
March 28, 2011 at 5:43 pm
But wouldn’t it be ironic if he dated an older woman?
March 28, 2011 at 8:03 pm
So I’ll be 29 soon. That means in another year, I get my official hipster camouflage, right?
March 28, 2011 at 9:53 pm
“People over 30 are actually not visible to hipsters.”
Unless they are writing them a check for the rent. “Mom, its so expensive to live in NYC…”
March 28, 2011 at 11:03 pm
She’s what, about 40? I was built like that at 40.
I look at myself now.
I look back at The Future Mrs. Sad Hipster.
I look back at myself.
I go “MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!”
March 29, 2011 at 10:04 am
Midwestern hipsters like a li’l meat on the bones.
March 28, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Maybe this is like Menopause Chic? Hot flashes and chills begone, this thing regulates body temperature!
Also, am I the only one hearing the song The Message from Grandmaster Flash as I see her dance?
“Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge
I’m trying not to loose my head huh huh huh huh!”
March 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm
That’s better thanwhat I’m hearing. My brain has rewritten that awful Train song for some reason?
Hey, Sad Hipster and that Mister Sister…
Yeah, I dunno. My brain does weird things; I’m just along for the ride.
March 28, 2011 at 5:38 pm
i know it’s not hip but
“i’m… too sexy for 1/2 my shirt”
March 28, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Please, PLEASE let someone clever make “Sad Hipster” into a Train parody. That is brilliant. I’ll wait. You can’t rush genius.
March 28, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Your fixed gear’s chains
All down your jeggings left these
Greasy stains
So deck in aviators
Man fuck all those haters
Such a thrift-store find!
Your Parliaments
The loft you live in that your father rents
I followed you on Twitter
Then we did lines in the shitter
oh you’re one of my kind!
Hey Sad Hipster
Put some moustache glitter
On your keffiyeh
Call me ‘brah’
Mix PBR and boba, yeah
March 29, 2011 at 12:04 am
OMG Rumpus, this completely deserves the Regretsy Comment of The Day. Sheer genius!
March 29, 2011 at 10:06 am
Nice work! But it’s a little too comprehensible to be a good parody of the Train song.
March 28, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I don’t know. She’s clearly a better dancer. I think he’d get his sad hipster panties in a wad over that.
March 28, 2011 at 5:11 pm
You know when you’re in bed and it’s a little too warm under the blankets, so you stick one leg out? Maybe it’s somehow related to that.
March 28, 2011 at 5:15 pm
They both have better dance moves than me. I might just have to kill myself now.
March 28, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Oh man, here I thought he’d be perfect for the London Shrug chick.
March 28, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Has anybody ever seen anyone, anywhere, wearing one of these one-sleeved thingies? I haven’t. I could understand it though, if the wearer only had one arm. Then they wouldn’t have an empty sleeve just hanging there.
March 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Yes. I repeat, I live in Williamsburg, I see people wearing ridiculous things all day, every day.
March 28, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I am seriously reconsidering my desire on sabbatical at Jamestown. Too many hipsters. I will have to get my American History and Archeology experience elsewhere… *Sigh*
March 29, 2011 at 3:57 am
I don’t think they go to Jamestown. I certainly didn’t see any there.
March 29, 2011 at 6:06 am
I’ve got a field trip to Jamestown in a couple days. I’ll keep you informed of any hipsters I may find in the wild.
On a side note, if I do find them in the wild, can I stomp on their nests? One less breeding pair the better to my way of thinking.
March 28, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I kind of want to go there. You know, see the hipsters in their natural habitat. It’d be like a safari.
March 28, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Can we bring guns?
March 29, 2011 at 3:37 pm
If you’re in the area, go to Jamestown Pie Company. http://www.buyapie.com/ We went there a couple of years ago. Good good good.
March 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Damn – I gotta break out the Knifty Knitter and make me some sad hipster arm warmers to sell.
I drive a school bus, and the one arm that is opposite the door gets really cold, in the winter. But I would rather just buy a fucking Snuggie if I am gonna look like a tard, might as well go for the gold.
March 28, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Ooh! I saw Snuggies on clearance at Fred Meyer today…
March 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm
If they decide to go all “establishment,” I found the perfect wedding invitations:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70819970/scroll-wedding-invitations-made-to-order?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=PageTools&utm_campaign=Share
Found wood handles and all.
March 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm
and yes, I know the seller. hence the facebook invite. le sigh.
March 28, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Man, they could at least do real calligraphy! But oh wait, that would require learning an actual skill apart from wadding up stained paper.
March 28, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Those are some bossy wedding invitations. “Guests are requested to attend the reception…”
March 29, 2011 at 9:40 am
OR splintered BARN WOOD, Woot!
March 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm
ummmm…never mind the invitations, what is that other thing in that shop?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70743913/madonna-and-child-mature-listing?ref=v1_other_1
March 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm
I think I have diet coke in my lungs from the snort that the sad dancing hipsters just produced. Hahahaha…and ouch!
March 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Wear both at the same. EPIC HIPSTER IS EPIC.
March 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm
He could take some dancing lessons from her.
March 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm
They’re clearly waiting for the Snuffleupagus or ‘Flashdance’ revivals when they can put them on their trunks – or legs.
March 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
And when the sad hipster couple gets married, I found the perfect officiant for them….
He’s already dressed for the occasion.
March 29, 2011 at 5:52 am
He actually was an ordained Presbyterian minister. I also happen to like Mr Rogers more than most of the garbage on kids’ tv today.
March 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
A shrug like that dubbed as a very modern and futuristic design?
Huh. Guess George Orwell didn’t see that coming.
March 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Damn, now I want to see George Orwell in a sad hispter sleeve scarf.
March 29, 2011 at 10:30 am
I just had a visual of pigs wandering around the farm in slarves, thank you. “All animals are equal… well, in an ironic way, you see.”
March 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm
All I can think of is it looks like she’s been attacked by Mothra. At least Mothra had the good nature to leave her with a sleeve….
March 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm
When I think “futuristic,” I think crochet. Or knit. Or however she did that.
March 28, 2011 at 8:28 pm
Yarn is very 3000.
March 28, 2011 at 5:58 pm
When they marry, and have a couple of teensy hipster scanes, maybe we can finally see a whole fucking sweater.
March 28, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Oh Regretsy, every hipster who knows Owl City is a rip off of The Postal Service knows Franny and Zooey were sister and brother.
March 28, 2011 at 6:19 pm
I think it is funny that she is selling that for $69 and says it is suitable for “going down-town” I sure hope her streets are clean!
March 28, 2011 at 6:38 pm
I had a new “Born this Way” remix from Lady Gaga’s Facebook page playing when watching these sad hipsters dance. Very apropos/ironic lyrics and the rhythm matched the action almost perfectly!
March 28, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Ooooooh, I don’t know about all this. I’m getting a very uneasy feeling. Cuz one minute she’ll be all painting her nails and talking on the phone and stuff, and before you know it: BOOM. It’s a perfect day for bananafish. Sad hipster game over.
March 28, 2011 at 8:57 pm
You don’t think they’ll settle down to a life of love and squalor?
March 28, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Hipsters agree that sporting one awkwardly tight article of clothing enhances the beauty of the asymmetrical shrug. For him: pants with bulging package; for her: tank with bulging titties.
March 28, 2011 at 7:20 pm
I think she needs to pee…either that or she needs to learn a new come-hither pose…
March 28, 2011 at 7:26 pm
HA!! I enjoy this very much- especially the monitor screen in Ms. Sad Hipster’s bedroom. Love how she’s talking Mr. Sad Hipster.
I appreciate the attention to detail.
March 28, 2011 at 7:27 pm
oops- *stalking*- sorry it’s late over here…
March 28, 2011 at 7:29 pm
I believe they already hooked up… AND procreated…
March 28, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Oh no, you DID-int!!! Just when I thought I’d curl up & relax w/a refreshing round of regretsy snarkishness, you go & meme the thread! I mean, really, shleecg, how COULD you do such a… Friday, Friday… mean-spirited & thoughtless… partyin’, partyin’… thing, not just to me, but… kickin’ in the front seat… the entire regretsy… sittin’ in the back seat… community! Take it back, sleecg, pleeeeease… yesterday was Thursday… I beg of you… tomorrow is Saturday… *ugly cries uncontrollably*… which seat can I take?
March 30, 2011 at 10:37 am
Here’s some zanax and a bottle of tequila. Take them in succession. Repeat.
March 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm
All they need now is a third person in their relationship wearing a scoodie and no pants..
March 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm
So, last night I rented “127 Hours”. It’s the movie about Aron Ralston, the hiker who got his arm pinned between a rock and a canyon wall and survived (narrowly) by cutting his arm off.
I think you see where I’m going with this.
March 28, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Has anyone noted that sad hipster bears a strong resemblance to Emo Phillips?
That’s right, Emo.
March 28, 2011 at 10:03 pm
Emo.
L’originale.
March 28, 2011 at 11:14 pm
Emo is DA MAN! Or something.
“I was married once. I had always wanted a beautiful, loving wife; and she had always wanted to be a citizen….”
— Emo Phillips
March 28, 2011 at 9:21 pm
That made me so very, very happy. I love Mrs. Sad Hipster dancing.
March 28, 2011 at 9:31 pm
I’m listening to Lady Gaga’s song Lovegame and while watching Mrs. Sad Hipster dance and it works perfectly together.
March 28, 2011 at 9:46 pm
This reminds me so much of dance class… those were the days
March 28, 2011 at 9:48 pm
This isn’t Sad Hipster’s cougar-esque girlfriend. This is Sad Hipster’s crazy-assed crafter PIB Aunt.
Aunt Pib showed up at A Band of Horses show, got waaay too drunk, and danced with Sad Hipster’s friends. Sad Hipster didn’t find this even remotely ironic, and told her so. In Aunt Pib’s whirling, drunken haze, she noticed her nephews lovely one armed shrug, as he verbally bitch slapped her for being a slush.
To add insult to injury, Aunt Pib has now stolen Sad Hipster’s one armed shrug. Sure, hers has a tassel and bell sleeve, but he knows the truth. It was to be his ironic gift to fashion, and she has claimed it as her own. And don’t you know it, Sad Hipster was pissed.
He Tweeted: “Williamsburg is my turf! Keep your thieving, chunky, craftard ass in Park Slope, bitch.”
There is no love here, or one armed sweater wearing hipster babies, only betrayal. And sad, sad, sadness at Grandma Gilf’s next Thanksgiving table.
(def: slut+lush=slush)
March 28, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Atleast she has a nice rack for him to enjoy!
March 29, 2011 at 3:21 am
she is one kicking ‘older lady’ – and where on earth is it only cold down half the body?
March 29, 2011 at 3:22 am
I’m sorry, but ‘the Franny to your Zooey?’ Really? You’re not insinuating that these siblings were romantically involved, are you?
March 29, 2011 at 3:39 am
Age doesn’t matter. He’s out of her price range…
Loved this post, couldn’t stop laughing. This fella must have wrote something really nasty to HK that she keeps bumping him up:)
March 29, 2011 at 10:12 am
A twitter was flounced. Or something. I’m not good with the vocab.
March 29, 2011 at 3:49 am
Actually the best match for sad hipster would be this one I think (sorry can’t do animated gifs). Together they will form one. With two pairs of crafty hands it should be a no-brainer to combine their assets into one usable garment
On the other hand if he’s really lucky he might be matched with something like this:
March 29, 2011 at 5:56 am
The only reason I can figure, and I’m sad to admit that I have thought about it, to wear a WTFever this thing is …. Camping & being near a campfire. You know that feeling when you’re warm & tosty with the side by the fire, but the other half of you is cold? THAT is the only time I can see this being useful.
March 29, 2011 at 8:42 am
At least the dame is smiling. Maybe she can bring Sad Hipster some cheer?
Meanwhile, I was looking for some evidence that you can also buy fugly shrugs at H&M, but was brought short by a company called Eurotard. I did find a pattern if anyone else would like to get in on the craze.
March 29, 2011 at 10:13 am
I think Eurotard is going to be a new permanent addition to my vocabulary.
March 29, 2011 at 10:06 am
Hottest. Couple. EVER.
March 29, 2011 at 10:54 am
Sad Hipster couple ? NO WAY ! You can’t marry two Sad Hipsters ! Because they run the risk of being happy. And then, they lose all their hipsterness.
March 29, 2011 at 11:37 am
I’m sure they’re just really sad because one arm is perpetually cold. But together.. together they make a SWEATER. That’s ONE WHOLE EMO KID. (Er, adult in this case, I guess.)
My other thought:
I’m sure these ridiculous one-sleeve knitted tardscarves are a big hit with the la leche nazis. And not the normal women who breast feed, but I mean the ones that have the bumper stickers and wear boobie juice pendants. ..Those ones.
March 29, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Am I the only one who thinks Sad Hipster looks like Daniel Vosovic from Project Runway Season 2???
March 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Hey! Mrs. Sad Dancing Hipster is wearing Pajama Jeans!
March 29, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I understand the A-symmetrical trend, but doesn’t only having one sleeve defeat the utility of this scarf thing. If I want to keep warm I would cover both arms?
March 29, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Then you would buy BOTH!
ISN’T IT CUTE!
ISN’T IT!