The 5 Worst Things I’ve Seen on Etsy This Month
A cafeteria tray, covered with paper and feathers, so you can’t use it. The seller helpfully suggests you put office supplies in it, which is actually what I was going to suggest, except I was going to say throw it out.
Every little girl dreams of being suffocated by a gelatinous web teeming with alien lifeforms. The only way this could be more terrifying is if it came with a voice chip that said “YOUR MOMMY IS DEAD.”
That’s not slumber, that’s death. Decomposed, rotting mice are not pets. Ed Gein wouldn’t even buy these. Ed Gein looks at this listing and says, “Fuck, that shit is creepy.”
I don’t remember the part in Phantom of the Opera where a unicorn sneaks into the opera house and takes a golden shit on the Phantom’s head. But then, I haven’t seen a musical since Annie.
I think we both know where this belongs.
March 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Wow, As a kid I used to paint all over my dolls faces too. Who knew I could sell them on Etsy.
March 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
SEE now ya know… when your loinfruits are scrawling “art” on your two thousand dollar collectible barbie that clearly they are increasing the sale value…
March 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm
“Loinfruits” is now my word of the day.
March 24, 2011 at 3:37 am
I vote “lionfruits” as the next Club Fuckery password.
March 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm
So- when my future crotchfruit do that I’m NOT to dangle them out of the window by their ankle?
March 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm
precisely… unless you’re a Jackson… then feel free… but make sure it is public!
March 23, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I used to make “crash test” Barbies when I was 3. Pink and black and blue and naked – think of the resale value! It could be gothic/outsider art/a feminist statement!
March 23, 2011 at 3:00 pm
I gave mine buzz cuts…does that still count?
March 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I’m so glad they added “seriously” to the part where they don’t condone eating the dead, dried mice. Because at first, I thought they weren’t serious, and I was going to order them as a little snack! YUM!
March 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Seriously, that is so gross. If I touched them, I’d have to wash my hands with breastmilkmilkhoneyvegan soap just to be clean again.
March 23, 2011 at 1:31 pm
There were a couple of dead mice behind my mother’s bookcase. They were pretty dried up and dessicated, too.
They also stank to high heaven, like something DIED.
March 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Duh, that’s because you’re supposed to keep them in the curiosity cabinet, not behind the bookcase, silly! When you aren’t using them for educational models, that is.
March 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Or giving them as gifts, as the seller suggests. :O
March 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm
They wouldn’t last long in my curio cabinet,and neither would the cabinet, with three cats trying to break into it.
March 23, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Mmmm… Meese’s Pieces!
March 23, 2011 at 9:00 pm
bwahahahahaha!
March 23, 2011 at 7:38 pm
I hope to God the mice were dead *before* the “artist” dried them out the good ol’ fashioned, chemical-free (so they’re safe for eating lawls!) way.
March 23, 2011 at 10:57 pm
i sent in this listing actually, makes the mice one here look tame
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/46080495
i also sent this…
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/46156052
they’re both sold!!!
March 24, 2011 at 2:13 am
That wouldn’t be so disturbing if they weren’t forever frozen in an eternal scream from having metal shoved through their eye sockets.
STATEMENT PIECE.
March 24, 2011 at 2:10 pm
That entire shop scares the hell out of me!! I would hate to visit this seller’s house of death!
March 25, 2011 at 2:56 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69855851/starling-hearts
Clareeeeeece!
March 25, 2011 at 4:22 am
Her house is probably a lot like the woodshed out back of Ed Gein’s house.
March 25, 2011 at 9:02 am
i really don’t understand this seller. i don’t know how they could have this many dead mice just laying around – it scares me to think she’s starving these little guys to death and selling their bodies and “parts” – http://www.etsy.com/listing/62697227/mice-bits-pieces
wtf. i want to call to police.
March 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm
They could always take the dead mice to Obscura Antiques and Oddities in NY…
I’m baffled at the fuckery. I honestly have no words. It sucked the snark right out of me.
March 23, 2011 at 12:43 pm
my boyfriend did the same thing to me yesterday…
March 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
I did that to your boyfriend yesterday.
March 23, 2011 at 1:28 pm
you should… it would totally take the pressure off of me having to worry about the goatse all the time…
March 23, 2011 at 2:00 pm
hey where are those shops? I want to go!
Have you heard of the store called Evolution on Spring Street? You can buy mammoth hair there…
March 23, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Obscura is in New York City somewhere…that’s where they film the show “Oddities”
March 23, 2011 at 8:19 pm
I’ve been there! Really neato. Real taxidermied pets, a pickled foetus, bat skeleton, exotic bugs in resin, lotsa fossils. Really a place to drop your jaw. I doubt they’d want these mice because they likely already have 20! But unlike most etsians, they pull all this weirdness off with class. The items are displayed more as s scientific curiosities than macabre shock-art.
March 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm
me too…all I can do is shake my head and think: “can you imagine opening up that gift?”
and I created an account just to post that non-funny, non snarky, response.
March 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm
It would be the perfect gift for the right person. Like maybe your ex-husband.
March 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm
i DO know who i would send that gift to…. note… request VERY pretty packaging maybe even shimmery but not sheer. make sure it is gift wrapped with no return address.
March 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm
I believe those are all actually every little girl’s nightmare.
March 23, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Oh, how I wish that had been my childhood nightmare! No, mine involved cross-dressing vampire Nazis. Sometimes they would chase me round my neighbourhood flinging poison mashed potatoes at my head, but usually they’d fill the bath with blood and splash me in the face whilst I sat naked on the toilet in the town square.
March 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm
well, every time we cleaned the room I had a nightmare about a volcano erupting in the yard.
I feel like that says something significant about me/my childhood, but I honestly have no idea what it would be.
March 23, 2011 at 6:49 pm
My childhood nightmare featuring vampires had all these people turning around, having red eyes, and walking towards me, following me, and wanting to convert me to their side. And when I ran hysterical home to my parents, they would slowly turn, AND HAVE RED EYES TOO!!
Gah, I was afraid of my mother for days afterwards..
Now I’m also afraid of creepy dried up mice, and one of the most horrifying hanging things I’ve ever seen. Scarred for life!!
(And new poster, long time reader. Hi everyone!)
March 24, 2011 at 7:27 am
That makes my nightmare about having to learn to drive while the vehicle was still moving and I was still my regular, non-dreaming height of 4′ pretty tame. Luckily I grew out of it. The height, not the dream.
March 24, 2011 at 9:53 am
I used to have the same nightmare every time I was getting sick with a fever; that I was trapped and there was a witch trying to turn me into gingerbread. And I’d know it was a dream, but I couldn’t wake up. Or run, because my legs were generally turned into gingerbread pretty early on, because my brain is a cruel, and unusual place.
August 15, 2011 at 10:48 pm
When I was a little girl I collected bones (a calf jaw was among my prize possessions). I guess I was a bit warped. I find the animal bits shop rather fascinating!
March 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm
because they thought you were an adbot… it is an irritation to the flow of snark and fuckery… don’t spoil the flow, you’ll end up with it on your face!
March 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Plus, your spelling is poor, and the use of text/acronyms is atrocious.
March 23, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
WTF is an acronym… It’s humongous… and ppl is an electric company in Pennsylvania. I do understand that English is not your native language, but there are things like spellcheck available.
March 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Then reply to those comments instead of doing it in a completely random spot.
March 23, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2011 at 6:19 pm
It is cute for a cat, you are not a cat. If you are a cat then we apologize and commend you on your surprising grasp on the English language.
March 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I’m beginning to be extremely grateful for the circus themed room I had growing up.
March 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Whats a circus without a sideshow?
March 23, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Were there…clowns?
March 23, 2011 at 7:39 pm
If there were, I trauma blocked them. All I remember were the animals and Barnum and Bailey sheets. OH! WHICH HAD CLOWNS!!!
March 23, 2011 at 7:56 pm
If there were, I trauma blocked them. I remember animals painted on the wall and Barnum and Bailey sheets… WHICH HAD CLOWNS!!! OHMYGAWD!
March 23, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Not where you could see them. They hide under the bed till after your mom turned off the light at night.
March 23, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I have this horrible feeling that the seller will start making mice jerky.
March 23, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Look at her shop. She’s way ahead of you.
March 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Damn. I was gonna take a nap, but took a look here first.
Now I’m too creeped out to doze off.
March 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Awww. Dead albino rats would sooo cute in my curiosity cabinet next to my Precious Moment figurines and Hummels.
March 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm
probably slightly less creepy than the Hummels.
March 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Not if you get your Sharpie out and give those Hummels the Betty Davis treatment.
March 24, 2011 at 7:30 am
That’s going to be my new slam for teenagers wearing too much annoying eye makeup (like they invented drag or something…)
“That one clearly got… the Betty Davis Treatment!”
March 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm
GIFT GIVING? I don’t even hate Phred Felps that much!
March 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Wow, what a small world the Regretsy comments section is, I hate Phred Felps to. But I DO hate him that much. I’d love to buy the dead rats and send them to him along with a nice little card featuring a FABULOUS hand-stamped glittering octopus border that reads “Please join them you douche-nozzle sucking fucktard! P.S. Satan thanks for all the work you are doing for him”
March 23, 2011 at 9:21 pm
i hate my uncle that much
but my uncles gift would need to be a dried snake.. not a mouse.. if it was a snake i would seriously buy it. i mean it.
March 23, 2011 at 9:33 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68678711/pygmy-rattler-freeze-dried-natural-death?ref=v1_other_1 oh look…. hmm that’s a bit steep for just scaring the shit out of my uncle into next month. But it might give him that stroke i keep hoping for.
March 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
This looks like an instant collection owned by John Wayne Gacey.
March 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
This one reminded me of Ed Gein:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/65621099/serpent-skin-shed-subscription-for-6
March 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm
BOO on me. I didn’t read before I clicked. I was expecting the shadowboxed bloody face from yesterday but what I got was a fucking snake. creepy.
March 23, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I see your creepy snake, and raise you two dead feeder mice with rings through their eyeholes, presumable so whatever creep-o nutjob buys this can wear them as earrings:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70340292/agouti-hopper-mice
March 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Oh well that’s just lovely.
March 23, 2011 at 5:42 pm
At first the feeder-mice earrings made me want to turn into a militant animal-rights vegan.
Then I imagined the wearer being attacked by owls going after the mice, and I felt Much Better.
March 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Dude, if I could shove my snakeskins in a box and have people pay money for them I would. Normally they just get tugged out, measured, and then tossed. (Also, that’s a gorgeous candycane. And awww, anery babbies want freeeedom)
March 23, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Want to add, rest of the shop? Seriously creepy, but just shed snakeskins are… eh, about the same level as people selling balls of shed pet fur. A little whut, but not dead mice earrings.
March 23, 2011 at 6:23 pm
That’s way cooler than the cheese of the month club.
March 23, 2011 at 8:43 pm
So, I take it you want to make yourself a snake suit anad dance by the light of the moon?
March 23, 2011 at 8:45 pm
“and”……supposed to be “and.”…
Damn you, itchy comment finger.
March 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
It’s the Angel of Fuckery!
March 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I’ve been so desensitized to all the crap passed off as “art” on Etsy, I thought nothing would ever phase me. Congratulations, dead mice hot-glued to what looks like a dried slab of skin has made me sit up and yell “WHAT. THE. FUCK.” at my computer once again. This must be what it feels like to be re-virginized.
March 23, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Seriously. That seller’s profile simply says “Sort of a quiet little individual who likes to hide and produce neat items” … is it just me, or does “producing” a shop full of dead animals and their parts sound a little too serial-killerish for comfort? YEESH.
March 23, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I’m a little afraid of commenting on the dead mouse shop. Really. It’s got all the makings of a criminal minds episode.
March 23, 2011 at 7:14 pm
It would even make Dexter Morgan close his Macbook and shudder.
March 24, 2011 at 7:41 am
my first comment…here gos; I am positive that is the work of a serial killer. Period. Weirdest shit i have ever seen.Thank you
March 24, 2011 at 10:09 am
Until I went to the seller’s shop, I thought everyone was overreacting — I’m one of those strange people who actually finds art made with skulls/claws/bones really beautiful and interesting, and I’m one of those people who’d make it if I had the skulls. Then there are specimens, and skins, and whatnot, and honestly I think all of it has its uses.
THAT BEING SAID, HOLY CRAP. THE BITS.
The “mouse bits” and deer legs, and whatnot are something that I find seriously disturbing.
No one should need these.
March 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Maybe it’s art because she’s taken then time to select the perfect doily to “display” the mouse feet on?
This person scares me a bit.
March 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm
HOWEVER, I just saw the bottle cap candles and may now be in love.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/65879150/beer-bottle-cap-candles-upcycled
But floating them in your bath has got to be a really bad idea.
March 23, 2011 at 8:22 pm
To quote B. Kliban:
Love to eat them mousies
Mousies what I love to eat
Bite they little heads off
Nibble on they tiny feet!
March 23, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I love you, Badger.
August 15, 2011 at 11:02 pm
The shop owner isn’t really making art – he/she is selling supplies for other people to make even creepier things. I think I’ve had too much caffeine today, all the shock and awe is making me giggle.
March 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I was going to get that mobile for my infant daughter, but I got her a giant stinging jellyfish instead. It’s got a similar look and effect, but it’s more educational. Sort of like dead mice are more educational than stuffed animals. I also bought her the dead mice.
March 23, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I wish you were MY Dad. Sigh…
March 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Hey, Regretsy lady, Ceej is leaving on her trip in less than two hours. Friday, she’s going to see Phantom of the Opera! I’ll tell her to keep an eye out for the giant Unicorn scene.
DID I MENTION YET HOW APRIL HELPED US IN RAISING MONEY TO SEND OUR DAUGHTER TO NYC!? NO? GUESS WHAT!
April helped us raise money to send our our daughter to NYC with the high school orchestra! And because of that, I, the Disabled Guy, the daughter AND my parents (who we normally ask for monetary help) are grateful!
ALL HAIL REGRETSY!!
March 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I’m so glad she gets to go! She’s going to NYC a young, starry-eyed teen, but she’s coming back a hooker!
*SPOLER ALERT*
March 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Too bad. I hate spolers.
March 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm
There are more photos, but here’s the first one I wanted to share!
Thank you for helping my daughter become a storyline on a “Law and Order” episode! We couldn’t have done it without your help and everyone’s extreme generosity!
March 23, 2011 at 8:09 pm
Cue the music
March 23, 2011 at 8:15 pm
You know what’s sad, unseeliepixie, I have the voice intro to “CI” and the theme music from both “CI” and the first “L&O” as ringtones on my phone. And that “clang-clang”… that’s a text alert.
Sad, I tells ya. Sad.
March 25, 2011 at 12:36 am
There’s a whole new one debuting on BBCAmerica… Law & Order: UK. Should be interesting.
March 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Dead mouse lady has the creepiest shop I have seen, yet. It is just item after item of something dead she found lying around.
Where does she find so many dead things?
Oh, and the fertilised chicken eggs that she sends through the post. o_O
March 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Wait, wait. No, this is worse.
The dead baby mice with jump rings jammed through their eye sockets so you can wear them.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70340374/albino-hopper-mouse
I’m not even a veggie and I hate PETA with avengeance but damn, really?
March 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Holy Jesus..that is one fucked up shop!
March 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
See, this woman does fucked-up dead animal paraphernalia right.
March 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm
I’ll admit to being a pretty fucked up person. I totally have a chihuahua taxidermy form that is covered in guinea pig fur that I used to carry around like a pet and “accidentally” drop down public staircases. (I can see him from here. His name is Pancho.)
This woman and her collection of dead things creep me the fuck out.
March 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm
crap. Nesting confusion. I LOVE the shop knittygritty linked to. The chick who freaks me out is the one with the mice.
March 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm
@knittygritty, that link is very interesting, and I just learned a new word–Esodermy, taxidermy using all the stuff you throw away in regular taxidermy. I’d post a picture, but what I find interesting others would find nauseating, so I’ll let you all decide if you think that sounds like something you can handle sober in the middle of the day. Or whatever condition you’re in at whatever time this is for you.
March 23, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Unholyghost2003, I was trying to figure out what “nesting confusion” is. I thought maybe it’s a condition where someone wants to have a baby and starts “nesting”, as some pregnant women do, cleaning and decorating for the coming baby. But since they don’t have a baby to love, they substitute dead animals for it…
Then I realize you were talking about how the comments are nested. My brain scares me sometimes.
March 23, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Brewer’s Esodermy philosophy seems a lot more on the respectful side, too.
March 24, 2011 at 2:25 am
Unknown Face Pelt: http://www.etsy.com/listing/69852159/unknown-face-pelt
Where the fuck does this woman find shit like this?
March 24, 2011 at 5:24 am
knittygritty, but that lady has been regretsied too.
Ain’t No Thing
It’s such a fine line between… something and something. I need more cold medicine.
March 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I need a shower after fully viewing that shop, and some mind bleach. Is 2pm too early to start drinking?
March 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
It’s never to early to start drinking. May I offer you a swizzle stick made of freeze-dried rat tail for your martini? (shudder)
March 23, 2011 at 1:13 pm
It’s never too early for a drink.
March 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm
It’s always cocktail hour somewhere in the world.
March 23, 2011 at 9:44 pm
The shop knittygritty put up the link for is so sick. Kitten paw earrings! wtf When I signed up for a shop on etsy, I never imagined it would be like this. dead mice, crochet bikinis on nasty looking people, bodily fluids in soap, psychics and some REALLY bad crafts and the *&^% resellers.
March 23, 2011 at 11:30 pm
@KnittyGritty, just looked at that shop you linked to, I never knew how much I NEEDED a “Never Mind the Bollocks” stuffed squirrel in my life, thank you
March 23, 2011 at 12:48 pm
No. NO. No one would really wear a dead mouse as a pendant. Would they?
No.
I am going to pretend I did not click that link. Thank you very much. Or I am going to drink gin until I can no longer focus on my computer screen. Probably the second one.
March 23, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Fucking hell. Even Kids in a Sandbox didn’t make me flinch so much.
March 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
oh wow. way to give the ol’ “FUCK YOU” to the animal lovers.
March 23, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Or “Congratulations on your new baby!”
March 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
See, I LIKE taxidermy. But the taxidermy in her shop makes even me feel- there’s not actually a word for it, just a noise. And that noise is ‘Screeeeeurghmmmmm’
March 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Taxidermy would creep me out far less. I think I would find a little taxidermy refreshing after her shop.
March 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I love how all the snakes died “naturally” and then got put in the freezer. Ick, ick ick!
March 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I’ve been terrified of stuffed (taxidermy) animals my whole life. Something about their frozen state really, really freaks me out, I can’t touch one, I can’t be in the same room as one without my heart racing, and I keep walking circles around where it is placed(while staring at it the entire time, just in case it would, I don’t know, jump me when I have my back turned?)
Needless to say, I’m so not browsing her shop. I kinda wish I hadn’t read the comments either though, as the thought of having dead mice hanging from my ears(!!!), impaled through their eye-sockets(Evil, evil!!) is making me want to go hide in my bf’s arms and never face the world again.
March 23, 2011 at 1:15 pm
*rocks back and forth in a fetal position on the floor* NONONONONONONO
March 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm
The very thought of wearing those as earrings BY MY FACE makes me want to take a long, long shower. And then vomit.
March 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Someone already bought one. One that had it’s tail cut off. And they left feedback. “oOoOoOoOoOoOOo micey mice miceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
http://www.etsy.com/people/HereInSmallTownUSA/feedback?page=1
I need my teddy bear now :’(
March 23, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Why do I get the feeling that all her feedback is from the same person?
March 23, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Holy crap, it’s Buffalo Bill’s sister. I want to click over to her shopto make sure she doesn’t live near me, and yet I never want to see her shop. #catch22
March 24, 2011 at 6:43 pm
She’s in Dorrance, Kansas and I bet the town is totally free of roadkill.
March 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Turkey.
Eyeballs.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/63681446/vialed-turkey-eyeballs
March 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm
…for “religious purposes.”
March 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Yes, turkey eyeballs are great between two slices of the Body of Christ.
March 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm
What kind of church does creepy dead mouse lady go to?! 8^{
March 23, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Anton Levy?
March 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm
I spoke too soon, this quote is even worse…
These eyes came off a pet turkey who had been lovingly raised for food and butchered.
He was butchered with love, so it’s all okay. Practically vegan!
March 23, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Ha ha ha!
I hear there is debate within the vegan community about eating pets.
March 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm
What? No matter how much of a dyed-in-the-wool carnivore, anti-PETA fanatic you may be, PETS ARE NOT RAISED FOR FOOD.
March 23, 2011 at 2:24 pm
They might be better then the juvenile rat penis…maybe not…
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/45975166
March 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm
“Juvenile Rat Penis were going to be my next favourite band, but now they’re getting a bit mainstream, so I haven’t heard them.”
AND THUS THE HIPSTER PARADOX IS CREATED.
March 23, 2011 at 6:32 pm
The fact that it says ‘use as you please’ worries me. Why would you take it out of the jar? WHY?
March 23, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I get the feeling that she’s not finding these things lying around. She describes herself as “sort of a quiet little individual who likes to hide and produce neat items” in her profile, which is creepy as fuck and suggests that maybe these deceased creatures did not leave this world naturally.
March 23, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Albino mice are not common in the wild. I picture her visiting various pet stores (to avoid suspicion) and then concocting various potions with which to poison them.
March 23, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Perhaps this item from her shop answers your question:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/67847320/bullet-charms
March 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I think it would be impractical to kill mice with those.
March 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm
did you see all that stuff? jebus h. christ!!! dismembered rat’s feet?
i’m sorry but this is where i part ways with the democratic process: that person has the same one vote that i do. i should get two or three if people like that have one.
March 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm
That tears it. I must now find Dorrance, Kansas on a map to be completely sure I never, ever, get near the place.
March 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm
the heartland must be a very strange place.
March 23, 2011 at 5:47 pm
We can’t stop here, this is dead-mouse-lady country!
March 24, 2011 at 1:41 pm
According to Wikipedia:
Dorrance, Kansas, population 185.
That may explain some things.
March 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm
and the fact that almost 1,000 people hearted her shop.
that’s way too many. way.
March 23, 2011 at 6:29 pm
1,000 people? 1,000?
…..
I have no witty-ass comment for that.
March 24, 2011 at 6:32 am
she has over 500 sales!!!
March 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Oh, and I’m calling it now: bleached coral is the new barnwood.
March 23, 2011 at 4:41 pm
That’s coral? I thought it was a dried out bone.
March 23, 2011 at 6:29 pm
“Reefs to Die”
March 24, 2011 at 8:36 am
Well, I’m no coral-ologist or anything, so you might be right. But I think if it were bone, it would have to be dinosaur bone to be that big.
March 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm
That unicorn took quite an impressive golden shit, I must say.
March 23, 2011 at 5:48 pm
But it didn’t eat enough sparkles. Or is that just unicorn puke?
March 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm
I just saw “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” on TV.
If the Bette David doll was in that awful frilly white dress but with that same face, someone would pounce on it.
March 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Bette David? Oh good god, SHE HAD A BROTHER? scary!
March 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm
It was a typo – usually the iPhone leaves proper nouns alone… grr…
But if you insist:
March 23, 2011 at 1:14 pm
yup… that pretty much scared the poo out of me…
I’m sorry but Bette Davis’ eyes are creepy.
March 23, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Fucking genius, mapleleaves!
March 23, 2011 at 9:54 pm
That was one creepy movie. Remember the part where she brought the dead rat on a plate to her sister, she was one scary b#**&h. But she was only acting and these folks are screwed up freaks.
March 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
I see the high school grief counseling craft session went over well.
March 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Maybe “Spencer’s Gifts for Sad Teens” is looking for new product lines?
March 23, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I always thought you weren’t supposed to put plastic wrap over the beds of children you want to keep alive….
March 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm
But what if you want to dry them through simple and natural techniques and mount them on bleached coral curled up in a precious eternal slumber?
Plastic wrap is perfect for that.
March 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm
This made me make the snorting noise when you’re trying to suppress a laugh at work!
March 23, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Maybe it’s a baby shower gift for people who hate baby showers.
March 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Laughing to hard to come up with anything snarky…
Will try again later.
March 23, 2011 at 12:45 pm
What in the fuck is wrong with people today? Do they really sell this shit? Seriously? Toaster bath candidate if you ask me …
March 23, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Frankly I would just stick the dead mice on the scary-assed web next to Baby Jane there and be done with it. I never liked kids much.
March 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm
What about a dried dead Victor Buono?
(No, his character didn’t die in the movie, but Buono died almost thirty years ago, so shut it!)
March 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Is there a Norma Desmond doll? You could dress up a dead mouse as Bill Holden and throw him in the pool.
March 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
oh good, a use for the condoms you clearly have no intention of using… and those dead mice, such an aphrodisiac… what I’m wondering though is… HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET THAT HORN TO STAY ON… I know when I put golden turns on my cranium they tend to slip off…
March 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm
There is a band that ties it to your head. She has lots of different horns all held on by a thin leather band.
March 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
well that seems comfortable and completely/safely balanced… no potential eye stabbing there…
March 23, 2011 at 10:04 pm
You could stuff the mice in the condoms and mount them on the horn. Not to keep it on or anything, but you’ve already bought the horn. Why the fuck not?
March 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Woo hoo… I need a baby present for my sister! Of course now I need to decide between the mobile or “sleeping” mice (that are perfect for gift giving).
Or maybe I’ll just go with the newborn sleeper set again. Decisions… decisions… if only those sellers would share whatever they’re taking it would make my decision making so much easier!
March 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Why choose? Just get some fishing line and dangle the mice FROM the mobile. . . I mean they’re “sleeping” after all! What could be more perfect for a baby’s bedroom than adorable (dead, dried out, disgusting) sleeping mice??!
March 23, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I wonder if the items in the dead mouse lady’s shop come wrapped and ready for gifting…
It might be wise to send them anonymously…
March 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm
No no no. The doll, silly! It’s the perfect baby gift!
March 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I’d like to see what Creepydolls could have done with the doll – it’s kind of cool under all the Sharpie.
March 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I can balance lots of things on my head.
Doesn’t make them “wearable.”
March 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I believe those may be the five worst things I’ve seen in my life.
March 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
oh my dear lord… I have pet rats and seeing rat feet for sale in that Etsy shop makes me want to vomit.
March 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Notice in her description as well. Those are the leftovers from a beloved pet that died. Which she promptly cut up into bits, fed half to the snakes and is selling the rest for… whatever people decide they want to do with dead rat feet…
When my cat died earlier this year I couldn’t even look at her poor, stiff little body when I bagged it up for burial. How in the hell do you chop up something you apparently loved?
March 23, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I remember brushing my cat (she hated it in life) while my husband and I cried our eyes out, before she was sent to be cremated. Wanted her to be pretty. The vet cut a lock of her fur for me to keep.
March 23, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Damn you Regretsy is for snark not making me cry. Don’t talk about brushing your dead kitty to make her pretty for her cremation. It made me look at my three furballs and start tearing up.
March 23, 2011 at 6:23 pm
‘M sorry!
March 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Maybe it was somebody else’s beloved pet and she snatched it and turned it into an etsy listing!
March 24, 2011 at 2:15 am
Who buys this shit?! Seriously – the first time I bought something on etsy, I was fucking drunk & I still managed to buy something cool – this here cute nosferatu and this adorable grim reaper
March 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Reminds me of this doll my wife once took a picture of…
March 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
UNHOLY SHIT THAT SCARED THE PEE OUT OF ME… scrolling down all nonchalant and bam… my grandmother!
March 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm
That is actually an awesome picture.
March 23, 2011 at 1:13 pm
This doll would look great in that Baby mobile.
March 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Awesome photo, but the doll looks like a baby Weeping Angel (the Whovians will know what those are).
Just don’t blink.
March 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm
AH! Great now I won’t be able to sleep tonight cath:-p That episode creeped me the fuck out LOL I explained to the British hubby that it was like a really fucked up game of Red Light, Green Light 123;)
March 23, 2011 at 6:39 pm
The second Weeping Angel’s episode was even creepier. The voice just made it so much worse.
March 23, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Creepiest. fucking. episode. EVER.
March 24, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Fantastic comparison. *creeped out*
While remaining one of my favorite episodes, it was one creepy episode.
*goes to watch Blink*
March 28, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Those are our absolute favorite episodes. We’re still looking for statues of weeping angels for the gardens that don’t cost an arm and both legs.
Damn Etsy for taking down Alchemy…
March 23, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Open an Etsy shop and sell the HELL out of that photo! I’m serious!
March 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm
I have an Etsy shop and my wife is the photographer for this photo – hmmm….. I might just have to do that!
Oh, and I better give my wife credit before she kicks the crap out of me and then sues me for using it without permission (oops!)
The creepy doll photo was taken by Jennifer Owen of Jenmartinstudios [http://www.jenmartinstudios.blogspot.com/]
March 23, 2011 at 11:30 pm
You and your wife rock! I’m so proud to be able to say I live in the same state as you.
March 28, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Hubby wants the doll you took the photo of, for his workplace.
March 23, 2011 at 1:56 pm
ok, that’s actually awesome.
March 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I’d buy that. I love creepy dolls. I don’t, however, like dismembered “pet” body parts.
March 23, 2011 at 4:18 pm
There! It’s now available for sale. Oh, and I was sure to include the words “Steampunk” “Vintage” and “Upcycled” in the item name.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70662770/4×6-creepy-doll-photo-print-vintage
March 23, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Actually, scratch that. I forgot my wife has an Etsy page too…
So here’s where it’s actually for sale!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70664179/5×7-creepy-doll-photo-print-vintage
March 23, 2011 at 6:42 pm
@ChainCrafts, that might be the best product description I’ve ever seen. People should follow your lead.
March 23, 2011 at 10:55 pm
@ChainCrafts…don’t sell yourself (or your wife) too short. Unlike the creepydefacedgothicdoll, this photograph is a real piece of art. And it doesn’t even need barn wood to convince me of such. Very striking.
March 24, 2011 at 2:01 am
Yeah. I’ve had several pets, & NEVER ONCE has it occurred to me that when one died, that I could skin, dismember & dehydrate the body & sell the parts on etsy. yikes
March 24, 2011 at 2:39 pm
The best place to tape creepy photos is the inside of the medicine cabinet door, especially if someone in your house keeps their heart pills there.
March 24, 2011 at 7:00 pm
ChainCrafts you should put a watermark over that photo or people can print their own copy.
March 23, 2011 at 10:38 pm
That belongs in the crib of the undead.
March 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
DEAD GODDAMN MICE? Seriously, I really thought I’d seen it all on Etsy. I don’t even think that’s LEGAL (furiously hunts something to copy and paste)
March 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I don’t know if it’s legal to sell them, but it’s illegal to mail them.
http://pe.usps.com/text/imm/immc1_016.htm
March 24, 2011 at 6:35 am
perhaps she uses a pea-shooter to shoot them in the direction of the recipient instead of using the mail.
March 29, 2011 at 12:27 am
True story: my grandfather mailed my mom’s dead poodle to the family homestead for burial. My uncle, on the receiving end, had to lie to the postal clerks in our hometown and tell them he was expecting an important auto part, and asked them to call him when it came. Upon arrival, they told him the oil the part was packed with must have leaked and started to smell funny.
I feel bad about those ladies.
March 24, 2011 at 7:04 pm
How are people allowed to mail fur but not dead animals? Taxidermy? This mailing rule is confusing. I know you can mail the meat part of the animal because grandma sent us cheese and sausages through the mail once.
March 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I suspect it’s concern over it either rotting and smelling, or transmitting disease.
March 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
THAT LAST PICTURE…………… Oh my god.
March 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
What little girl wants a satanic spiderweb dangling over her bed??
March 23, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Wednesday Addams.
March 24, 2011 at 6:36 am
i can actually think of a mother i know who would buy that. maybe i should send her the link.
March 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Heh heh. Maybe the mice need to be in a jar with some bees. I haven’t checked that seller’s shop yet so maybe there are some.
March 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Somehow it always comes back to the bees…
The bees are haunting us.
March 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
I’m totally going to use decorative ribbon and PVC pipes in my decorating next Christmas.
March 23, 2011 at 10:02 pm
You could celebrate Festivus?
March 23, 2011 at 10:07 pm
Fuckerus!
March 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Decrative is the new whimsicle.
March 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Decretive is the new excretive.
March 23, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Decrative is the new expletive.
March 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm
forget worst things on etsy, these all could be the worst things EVER.
March 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Dead mice used for “relgious purposes”? What religion is that, pray tell?
March 23, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I’d buy them, take them off the coral and use them for Monopoly game pieces. I worship Capitalism, you see.
March 23, 2011 at 5:28 pm
“Pray, tell” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
March 23, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Kittyanity, of course! and the mice are used in their Kittycism. Sacrament is milk and little dried up mice ear crackers… I could go on, but my pain pill is wearing off.
March 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm
That poor little dolly is having identity issues!
“I’m made out of porcelain..or no..china glass. I’m Betty Davis…no I’m a little vampire, or a ghoul girl!”
Her identity issues stem from being abandoned by the “sweet faced little girl” who went on to “boys and parties” without her!!
March 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm
OMG! I’m having a fangasm! I sent in the mobile of horrors!!
Suck on my whimsicle fuckery!
March 23, 2011 at 1:39 pm
have you washed it recently? cause, ya know, there’s nothing gross-er than sucking on a sweaty, cheesy whimsicle fuckery.
Unless it’s dead mice earrings.
March 23, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Perhaps DruzyWhimsey has a pair of those ball-hangin’ man panties to avoid sweaty, cheesy whimsicle fuckery.
March 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm
From Dead Mice Lady’s Shop:
“Note: Keep in mind, he may have a slight scent to him – I have a good sense of smell & do a smell test (put it up to my nose). Not bad, just reminds me of Mac & Cheese. This will fade with time, but for now, not much I can do about it.”
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68485407/albino-laboratory-mouse-hopper-in?ref=v1_other_2
Thank Christ I have been drinking. Heavily.
March 23, 2011 at 1:18 pm
I will never again be able to eat Mac & Cheese without thinking of that dessicated rat carcass. Who runs this shop anyway–Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother?
March 24, 2011 at 6:37 am
touche’
March 23, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I don’t want to eat that lady’s Mac and Cheese
March 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I grew up on farm, had to deal with more than my fair share of dead mice, and never once did I think “Man, this smells like mac and cheese.” WTF
March 23, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Luckily, gluten intolerance already ruined mac and cheese for me a year or two ago.
Otherwise I would be REALLY MAD right now.
March 23, 2011 at 1:01 pm
How could you have forgotten this classic Phantom scene?
March 24, 2011 at 6:38 am
i seriously just peed my pants a little!!
March 23, 2011 at 1:04 pm
When the seller said Rugrats, That was not what I had in mind. :S
March 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm
HK, you missed the point on the first item.
The seller clearly states that “the tray can be used as picture frames, jewelry, office supplies, cosmetics.”
I can totally see how anyone could use that tray as jewelry.
March 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm
It could totally be used as cosmetics also. Just beat someone in the face with it and WAH LAH! Instant black and blue eyeshadow!
March 23, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Don’t just stop there Cal! A couple more whacks to the face and you’ve got natural rouge and fine pouty lips, perfect for women who strive for that Angelina Jolie look.
March 23, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I imagine a really big bib necklace….
March 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Actually I can see someone (a pre-teen, I mean) making that tray and thinking it was the cutest jewelry organizer ever, and it would be. It’s just not something an adult person should be charging money for.
March 23, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Bets on the unicorn horn being repurposed as a sex toy?
March 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm
would that be considered repurposing or upcycling?
March 23, 2011 at 2:13 pm
That would depend on where the horn was being repurposed.
March 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm
I had avoided the vodka all afternoon, then I read that statement. Oh well, it was a bad day to quit drinking anyway.
March 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Wow. So I looked through the dried rat seller’s shop and it’s pages and pages of dead animals/live eggs and then, suddenly:
Sushi earrings.
March 23, 2011 at 1:36 pm
HOLY FUCKNUT. The presence of something normal, sane, possibly even cute in that shop just makes the rest of it even more horrifying. It is like you can see the last bits of her sanity being sold off $8 at a time.
March 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm
What really gets me is that she has these adorable earrings on backgrounds such as that of a doily, a broken fan, and pockmarked rocks . . . It’s like she’s trying to suck the happiness out of the earrings like taxidermy sucked the happiness out of her craft.
March 23, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I find myself wondering what they’re REALLY made of.
March 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Never did I think the day would come that this would be in an product description: “About the only non-dead thing in my shop I have produced!”
March 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Before I looked at them, I thought they might be made of real sushi.
March 23, 2011 at 7:45 pm
That is EXACTLY what I thought, angel drawers.
Also, I have resisted the urge to try to find the mice earrings. I’m afraid it would turn me off of making regular earrings that sane people and the normal variety of insane people wear.
March 23, 2011 at 10:36 pm
I can’t help but wonder what THEY smell like!! Surely not mac n cheese!!
March 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm
I had to buy the sushi earrings. I’ll let everyone know if they’re real sushi and what they smell like when they arrive. Now her shop is normal-stuff free!
March 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/65879150/beer-bottle-cap-candles-upcycled
I prefer my beer bottle cap tea lights to be “upcycled” from imported beer. Bud Light LIME? Put down the glass pipe, Dr. Doolittle.
I am pretty certain this seller’s day job involves making meth amphetamine.
March 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I actually like the beer cap candle idea, but I don’t like it as much as that animal skull in the photo that is trying to eat one.
March 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I’d be very surprised if they didn’t actually smell like rotting meat.
March 24, 2011 at 5:46 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69851205/reptile-and-amphibian-calcium-with-or?ref=v1_other_2
“You will receive ONE (1) OUNCE of Calcium powder [cough] in a zip lock baggy <3 This is a great way to try out some calcium powder [ahem] without having to purchase the HUGE lot."
Yeah, that sounds legit.
March 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Where do we get the Joan Crawford doll to go with the Bette Davis doll? So cute! Hugs!
March 23, 2011 at 3:00 pm
It’s funny, but all I can see is Bette’s real lip line under all that goo.
There isn’t even the tiniest attempt to follow a natural lip line, or eyebrow line, on either of them.
Some vintage makeup is good.
…..some..
not.
March 23, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Well it wasn’t supposed to be good, in this case.
March 23, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Yes, true..and I love the film, but after “What About Eve”, her lipline pretty much went on it’s own separate adventure.
March 23, 2011 at 5:39 pm
This is from the movie Whatever Happened to Baby Jane…. Go now and watch it and be creeped out.
March 23, 2011 at 4:39 pm
HEY! The one on the right is my kids’ babysitter! (But they always cry when I drop them off…?)
March 23, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Putting it with the mobile — NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!
March 24, 2011 at 6:39 am
wasn’t Joan Crawford know as “Mommie Dearest” in real life? Bette was just acting. Joan, well, she was the REAL deal.
March 23, 2011 at 1:18 pm
I think it should be a whole subset category on etsy where you take something utilitarian and spackle the fuck out of it and festoon it with gobs of crap so it is no longer utilitarian, and yet also somehow no more aesthetically pleasing than before.
Then you employ etsy-style Forced Merriment to suggest all the things you can now do with the thing, including, but not limited to, putting pictures in it.
Etsy has taken festoonery and raised it to an “art”. Well, a faux-art. A f-art.
March 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
ugh. looking at etsy sometimes feels like sitting through a talent show having to watch other people’s talentless kids. i feel embarrassed for all of these people.
March 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm
excellent analogy.
March 23, 2011 at 1:22 pm
I’m listing this today, mine has THREE adorable fuzzy pups all curled up in slumber, so there!
[URL=http://img202.imageshack.us/i/miceonagluetrap.jpg/][IMG]http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/8550/miceonagluetrap.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
Uploaded with [URL=http://imageshack.us]ImageShack.us[/URL]
March 23, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Somebody didn’t hit “preview”!
March 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm
comment fail, it happens
March 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm
for me, that would be…daily. Least once.
I have nothing but sympathy.
March 23, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Before I came to this site, I had not seen the word ‘UNSEE’, and now, dear God, please let me UNSEE those shriveled up jerky-mice.
I am actually tasting bile.
March 23, 2011 at 1:24 pm
That didn’t work, trying again……
<img src="[URL=http://img202.imageshack.us/i/miceonagluetrap.jpg/]"
March 23, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Total comment fail today, back to real work……
March 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm
It’s easy to do, but I can’t post an example because it won’t display right!
http://www.w3schools.com/tags/tag_img.asp
March 23, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Next time, today I actually had real work to do and then I did this thing where you actually walk away from your computer, leave your house and go out to dinner (!!!).!
March 23, 2011 at 1:26 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/67847320/bullet-charms
This listing…really pisses me off.
Only because I went shooting just last weekend, and know that three 30-06 rounds cost around 50 cents a piece. And to say they have been fired….when the bullet is clearly intact….strikes me as odd. They have primer dings, which says to me either they are pop-no-kick rounds (bullets with a defective primer or wet powder, which are still pretty damn unsafe to play with) or they fired, then reloaded these things to sell them at 4x their actual worth. Gah. Just a pet peeve. Speaking of pets, she has a lot of dead things for sale. Something I could also probably go outside and find, if anyone wants a dessicated lizard carcass. Only $29.95.
March 23, 2011 at 1:31 pm
You have got to be kidding me….
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69007875/military-brass
I clearly spent the last six years of my Army career throwing money into the trash…..I could go down to the firing range right now and pick up a few thousand of these things….I’m about the be an Etsy millionaire.
March 23, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Hell go to a range where people have to police their brass into buckets and you don’t even have to pick them up yourself, just snag the buckets!
March 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Went to the range last week and scooped up a few handfuls off of the floor, free. Yes, the buckets were there as well.
March 28, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I was an Ammo Tech in the Marines. Just imagine all the money I could have made on spent brass, misfires, duds….
March 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm
The seller had me at “Cheetah DECRATIVE Cafeteria Tray”. I just knew it was going to be something I had to have. Or had to be sick on.
March 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm
jesus that lady does have a fetish for dead shit – all of which she refers to as ADORABLE.
no. not adorable. those poor fucking mice look emaciated like they were starved to death.
I’m not easily offended, but the rings through the eyes of the hopper mice made me cringe a bit >.<
March 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I guess starving to death is one way to dry out naturally…
March 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm
A photo of the Olsen twins would be tasteless right here, right?
March 23, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I think that, after looking at those poor dead mice, it would be refreshingly tasteful, actually.
March 23, 2011 at 1:28 pm
That mobile looks like its some sort of horrible lovecraftian horror ready to pounce upon your face and sparkle you to death.
March 23, 2011 at 1:29 pm
So, the cheetah tray “can be used as . . . jewelry,” eh? What, as a bib necklace? A fascinator? A brooch?
March 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm
a Petrodactyl?
March 23, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Well said, my friend.
March 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm
This is THE store for anyone who wants to craft the next great fascinators!
March 23, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Somebody with some photoshop skills, please take these 5 items, put them on barnwood, and make them into an instant collection!
Pretty please?????
March 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm
my mother had a favorite, made up word, and that was ‘Vomitatious’.
I really need a Compazine right now.
March 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I just can’t get past the religious purposes. WTF is small town America smoking if they’re using dead mice for religious purposes??? John Mellencamp was full of shit about small towns, apparently.
March 23, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Not even in High Church Santoria
March 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Um, meth. Have you not been paying attention to the news?
March 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm
The mice, of course. That’s what they’re smoking.
March 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm
My turdhorn will pierce the sky!
March 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I’m all for fostering creativity, and these items ARE creative, but just because you are being creative, doesn’t mean you’re talented. I can’t believe these people think this shit is sale-worthy. It’s equal to a parent taking his child’s drawing of a “horse” to Sotheby’s and trying to get it on the auction block. I should take my snotty tissues, make tissue-roses out of them, price them at $80 a dozen, and then throw a royal fit when they end up on Regretsy. People are retarded.
March 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I agree. People get pissed when they get featured on regretsy, and then we have other people bawwing about how we’re suffocating their creativity and whatnot. As far as I see it, being creative and whatever this is, not the same thing.
March 23, 2011 at 3:39 pm
The people who are “bawwing about how we suffocate their creativity and whatnot” are stifling my imaginative commentary. And whatnot. *nods*
March 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Am I the only one who read that Bette Davis description as a passive-aggressive mom who is angry that her kid grew up and moved on? I assumed that the adult was the one who sharpied the face.
March 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I think she was mad that her career as a child star ended, and she had to make crappy movies while her sister became a big star.
Unfortunately, all this time, they could have been friends…
March 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Dead mouse seller’s shop is composed almost entirely of dessicated body parts. But the worst thing about it is that they didn’t clearly label the vegan items!!!
March 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm
How many of dead mice lady’s stuff is described as “whimsicle” or “steampunk?” Or “whimsicle steampunk?” I’m afraid to look.
March 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm
The dead mice person has nearly 600 sales. And they’re not all porcupine quills, either. Knowing that there are that many people who went looking for dead animal parts might be worse than knowing about Goatze.
March 23, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Vermin are the new Tulle
March 23, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I was eating while reading this, dead mice took away my appetite completely… I like how the seller includes that they can be used as jewelry… how? o.O
March 23, 2011 at 4:45 pm
earrings!
March 24, 2011 at 1:55 am
To what sort of occasion would one wear earrings made from dismembered rodents? Afternoon tea at Jeffrey Dahmer’s place?
March 23, 2011 at 2:03 pm
The most disturbing thing to me about the dead mice was that you have to make sure you don’t expose these little guys to “humid areas” lest they rehydrate. I’m imagining something like this: (http://www.amazon.com/Hatch-Grow-Dinosaur-Pack-of-6/dp/B000Z5GBAI)
If she’s going to sell non-preserved dead animals then…she ought to…um. Hm. Maybe she just shouldn’t sell non-preserved dead animals.
March 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm
March 23, 2011 at 2:20 pm
March 23, 2011 at 2:39 pm
So what religion are these for?
March 23, 2011 at 8:19 pm
The Holy Rodent Empire (aka Disney)
March 23, 2011 at 2:07 pm
That porcelain doll does NOT look like Betty Davis. It looks like a Campbell Soup kid who passed out at a frat party and got “sharpied” on by his drunk friends.
March 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm
God bless America and it’s never ending supply of Fucktards, Creepitans and Disturbobots….and skanks. And reality tv.
March 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Best username evah!
March 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the Evil Dingleberry of Doom yet.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69667539/evil-dingleberry-of-doom
March 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm
What exactly is a “porky pine?” Jeebus.
March 23, 2011 at 2:28 pm
what the FUCK?
March 23, 2011 at 2:34 pm
“He is a little tanned bit of fur & hair & tanned goodness”…oh my GOD, does this person realise they sound like they’re about to kill us all and skin us?
March 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I think my long-haired Himalayan cat left those Dingleberries.
March 23, 2011 at 4:19 pm
just…WHY?
The decrative tray is looking more wholesome by the minute. But what wouldn’t next to a vial of turkey eyes?
March 23, 2011 at 6:59 pm
How is a ball of hair male?
March 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Good god, how many pups do her mice lose per litter? Is she inbreeding them to the genetic point-of-no-return just to produce dead ones for her “crafts”?
Finding and keeping the occasional mummified wildlife as a curiosity isn’t that weird to me, but manufacturing them for profit… that’s serial killer territory.
March 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Yes, it’s more than a little creepy. And what are all of her 600 sales for? WHY have this many people bought dead animals, snake skins, live eggs – from someone that you know nothing about! – or porcupine quills?
March 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Note to self: Avoid Dorrance, Kansas at all costs.
Question who the FUCK is buying these bits of dead animal horrors? 590 sales?? Including three dead mice earring sets before I became too horrified by the vomitatiouness to stop counting.
March 23, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Dammit, apparently I’m too horrified by the vomitatiousness to spell properly or put a colon after “Question”, thusly: Question: who…
I plead sleep deprivation.
March 23, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Nice use of the word, “vomitatiousness”, though.
March 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I don’t know what you guys are talking about, that tray looks like perfectly good jewelry to me.
March 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm
[URL=http://img52.imageshack.us/i/gdpoo.jpg/][IMG]http://img52.imageshack.us/img52/1127/gdpoo.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
Uploaded with [URL=http://imageshack.us]ImageShack.us[/URL]
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/9069/
March 23, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
March 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm
“Dead things, Mikey! Dead things!”
March 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Lessthanthree.
March 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Having spent time in a mental hospital, I am pretty well inured me to a lot of stuff most people would find shocking.
Dead-mouse-as-decoration isn’t one of them.
It seems the seller “loves meeces to pieces” in a literal sense.
God, make it stop …
March 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm
That’s a horsebone. That gold thing is the horsebone that everyone was trying to use a password to get into the club. And she’s wearing it wrong. You’re supposed to wear it in your vagina.
Kids today!
March 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm
It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told. It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again. Now it places the lotion in the basket. Put the fucking lotion in the basket!
March 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm
I sent in some suggestions the other day.
I now realize I am a complete and total fucking amateur.
March 23, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Suggestions may now dry up completely now that we realize we can’t compete with complete and total fuckery like this!
March 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Also…my cat brought me half a mouse this morning.
My first thought not to sell it.
No.
March 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm
put a “was” in there.
I blame the halfmouse.
March 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I’m going to have nightmares…Flava Flav will be in them-probably wearing that tray with the golden unicorn shit Imean horn on his…
sigh
damn you regretsy.
March 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I really cannot wait to come up with new pillow shams to accent the use of dead albino mice in my apartment.
March 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Looking at this shop some more has me squirming over the use of lace doilies.
March 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Let’s put some Saran Wrap on a coat hanger, tape some beads and flowers on it and hang it over the baby’s crib. I nominate them for Parent of the Year.
March 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm
You know what it’s missing?
Shelob.
March 23, 2011 at 8:10 pm
That sounds like … a bunch of failed attempts at birth control.
Hung over the child’s crib.
That is some bitter parenting right there.
March 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm
The spider web thingy creeps me out. Among other things it looks like a bad Star Trek alien reject.
March 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm
About once a month (during the warmer months) I go buy a rat. And then feed it to my snake. So I’m ok with “naturally dead” rodents. But the idea of wearing dead baby mice as earrings, letting their furry little corpses bruch against my cheeks or neck all day is just too “Blearrrrghhhh!!!”
March 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 23, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Did you get the newsletter? If you didn’t, you must have pissed off HK. Maybe you should apologize for what ever it is that you did so you can get the password too.
March 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Facebook. And earlier comments threads.
March 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Last month I had my backdoor open so the dogs could run in and out of the house at will. My daughter’s dog tore into the house with the others in hot pursuit, and I discovered he had a very dazed baby chipmunk in his mouth.
Without much hope, I took the baby away from him, and put it back in the corner of the yard they’d been near, but on the other side of the chainlink. Then I went back to what I was doing.
I guess dazed chipmunk was going for a Darwin Award, though, because an hour later, *my* dog does the same wind sprint from the yard to the house, then she leaps up onto the sofa and horks up something disgusting (why is it always the sofa? or a pillow?). Naturally I had to clean it up, and that’s when I saw disembodied baby chipmunk eyes staring up at me from a pool of dog vomit. It was the most nightmarish thing I’ve ever seen in my own house.
Until just now when I saw the skele-mice.
March 23, 2011 at 9:11 pm
I think disembodied baby chipmunk eyes in a pile of vomit on my sofa would be far far worse than a picture of a dead mouse.
March 23, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Check out the other things the dead-mouse-peddler sells.Deer Legs? Preserved Baby Rattlesnakes? Bundle of Bullets?
Small Town U.S.A.? More like “we sell dead animal parts to support our militia”.
March 23, 2011 at 3:44 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69870133/grab-baggy-of-goodies
I think this is the most horrific item in the shop.
March 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I agree, and I’m basing that solely on the URL.
March 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm
I generally can’t resist the mystery of a grab bag; however, in this case, I think I can.
Although, that free shrew is tempting.
March 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm
What, WHAT on God’s green earth would you do with that extremely motley assortment of dead shit???? WHAT?
I can see showing my kids a dead rattler when they get older. My son would be probably be really interested in one. But the other stuff?
March 24, 2011 at 1:47 am
Oh, I don’t know…there’s a awful lot of competition here. What’s at least as creepy as the items, is the ability to request custom items. To add to the creepiness, one listing mentions that she has a boyfriend. When I read that, the voice of Bill Hicks popped into my head: “And I’m not gettin’ laid!”
March 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm
How could eggs be hatched after being shipped through the mail? Don’t they need to be sat on by a hen? (Or at least kept warm?)
March 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm
You just need an incubator. They should hatch. We did it with quail eggs for a science project once.
March 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm
are we gonna feel bad when dead mouse lady makes national headlines – and not in a good way – and we made fun of her?
March 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm
because, you know, it’s only a matter of time before she does.
March 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm
SO Cute, Sweet, and Smell Like Mac & Cheese!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68485407/albino-laboratory-mouse-hopper-in
March 24, 2011 at 4:27 am
You have to be awfully disturbed if you think that dried up rodents are cute & they smell like food to you.
March 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Sorry *Smells…
March 23, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Somebody enjoyed “Dinner For Schmucks” WAAAAYYYY too much.
March 23, 2011 at 4:08 pm
I am really fucking pissed off she’s doubled my sales in about the same amount of time. I bet her trailer is nicer than mine. I bet it’s got an attached porch and everything. Fuck sitting in my dirt yard stealing internet. I am dusting off the food dehydrator and thumbing a ride to the reptile store.
March 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Lern tu spel, ya jealous cunt!
March 24, 2011 at 1:37 am
I’m completely terrified by the fact that this seller has sold over 500 items in about a year. Well, terrified and disgusted.
March 23, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Oh the horror! Has anyone seen the “Mice bits & pieces” listing? This is just too gross for even me. They looked chopped up! WTF big time!
March 23, 2011 at 4:35 pm
This
=
this
March 23, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I thought of that, too!
March 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Etsy, the new source of the SyFy Channels new original movies.
(Fuck you, Skiffy.)
(sorry…it’s a reflex.)
March 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm
OMG look! They sell tapeworms too!!! Ewww!!!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69863785/parasitic-bobcat-internal-worms
March 23, 2011 at 6:07 pm
I gave you a thumbs-up, but I’m not looking…I’ve seen tapeworms. Yech!
March 24, 2011 at 1:24 am
What’s worse, someone has actually bought some of these tapeworms. Looking through some of the sold items, I found this “tanned little mink face” & in the description, “So darn cute, how can you say no?” Oh, I think think I can resist. She also describes a (noseless) possum face as “So soft & just pretty as sin”. I’m just…stunned.
March 23, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Oh… My… God…
We had mice one winter a few years back. I put out poison after I got sick of the live traps and pissed at the mice. I moved my couch later and found a whole litter of dead baby mice. I felt kinda bad…
Now I feel worse knowing I could have sold those bitches.
March 23, 2011 at 5:23 pm
SHE TOOK DOWN THE MOUSE LISTING
AND TURNED THEM INTO PENDANTS
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70340374/albino-hopper-mouse
JESUS FUCK
March 23, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Aw shit, someone already linked it.
March 23, 2011 at 6:03 pm
OH FOR THE LOVE OF…..She got the fuckers right through their little dead eyes!
March 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Holy shit LOL
So is the tray the latest arts and crafts project coming out of womens’ prisons? I’m glad I’m not the only one envisioning that “mobile” (bitch needs to look up the definition of mobile) swooping down like some demented jellyfish and smothering the poor child lying beneath it. And the mice, religious purposes? Like if they pass the collection plate and I’m broke? Gift giving? Anyone who gives me mice corpses as a gift is getting punched in the throat! And one look at that Bette Davis doll and I flashed to that Twilight Zone episode with Telly Savalas, “I’m Talking Tina and I’m going to KILL you!”
March 23, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Oh, that’s almost worth going to church again, just to drop a dried up dead mouse in the basket…
March 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm
how the FUCK do you find that many dead animals?! AND IM not done yet….OVER 500 FUCKING animals died so this DUMBASS could make money..FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU AGAIN I hope every last toenail haunts your demented ass. (and dont thumbs down me b/c I said a bad word its REGRETSY get the fuck over it.)
March 23, 2011 at 8:03 pm
We like the f-bomb here. sorry you missed the memo, but it seems you pick up on company policy quickly.
we ❤ FUCKERY
March 23, 2011 at 5:58 pm
My inner idiot made me check out the mouse corpse store. I’m sure I’ll have some interesting nightmares tonight. Blechhhh!!!
I saw a listing for a vial of turkey eyeballs. I’m surprised she didn’t include “Would make a lovely table decoration for your next Thanksgiving feast!” in the description.
March 23, 2011 at 6:04 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68489147/real-left-pheasant-wing-supplies-crafts
Does this puppy understand what he’s being kept for?
RUN PUPPY, RUN!!!!
March 23, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Can you imagine what happens if the puppy gets up on the table? My mil had a dog get on the table and eat an entire cake! O.M.F.G. I can envision some disgusting scenarios at this woman’s house!
March 24, 2011 at 1:35 am
Oh, I fear for that poor dog.
March 23, 2011 at 6:07 pm
What’s her ”drying process” for the mice? Leaving them on the glue trap in her crawl space for a couple of weeks?
Truly disgusting…
March 23, 2011 at 6:10 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70669537/brown-baby-chick-wet-specimen
I almost quit at the Juvenile Rat Penis… but no, I kept looking.
And I am done with looking.
March 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm
These are making me want to never deal with people again. Why is it staring at me?
March 23, 2011 at 7:59 pm
There are a few too many exclamation points in that description of a dead animal for me to not think that person belongs in an institution.
March 23, 2011 at 9:39 pm
And she will make the other inhabitants at the institution look sane!
March 23, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I’m going to have to go to my happy place for a little bit. Hopefully I will never have to come back.
March 23, 2011 at 6:16 pm
A lot of etsy sellers don’t seem to get that the whole “I found this in a dumpster and managed to make something out of it, aren’t I inventive?” thing only works if the object in question doesn’t still look like it belongs in a dumpster.
March 23, 2011 at 8:00 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/62697227/mice-bits-pieces
Dear Etsy seller,
This is not something that you sell.
This is what comes out of an owl.
Regards,
Call Me Horrified
March 24, 2011 at 7:41 am
Was gonna say atleast she didnt make a necklace out of it.. then I saw this http://www.etsy.com/listing/70340374/albino-hopper-mouse jumpring
was shocked to not find dead mouse earrings.
March 23, 2011 at 8:11 pm
I want my old creature-y icon back. Don’t like these new ones. Am I the only one?
March 24, 2011 at 1:32 am
You’re not the only one. I liked the old icons better, too.
March 23, 2011 at 8:16 pm
My cat gave me a two mice as a present last winter.
Now I know where she’s been shopping. Clearly I’m going to have to change my Paypal password.
March 23, 2011 at 8:54 pm
Or she wants you to open an Etsy shop for her.
March 23, 2011 at 8:24 pm
I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that my neighbor’s 8th grader is going to an Eyes Wide Shut party or that someone’s going to suffer an air embolism by using that golden horn during foreplay.
March 23, 2011 at 8:50 pm
Betty Davis doll reminds me of a trip to grandma’s house…she has a habit of rescuing dolls and giving them make-overs…imagine visiting dear sweet grandma with a Betty staring at your from every direction…no, really…even better, if you’re really lucky you get them as presents…SHIT!!! OMG!!! I can totally create an Etsy shop for Grams and get her billz paid!
March 23, 2011 at 9:14 pm
The rats remind me of Dinner for Schmucks, and the Betty Davis doll looks like a Rainbow Brite doll I tormented in high school. I went as a zombie toddler for Halloween once, so I found an old already beat up Rainbow Brite doll from the 80′s and took a sharpie to it’s face to make her a little more Childs Play.
March 23, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I chuckled today when one of my students was wearing feather earrings. I had no idea that she *could* have been wearing dead mice as earrings or a pendant, with the loop through their eyes!
How HORRIFIED would you be if you saw someone wearing dead mice as earrings? That’s some seriously fucked up shit!
March 24, 2011 at 1:31 am
The shop with all the nasty dead things creeped me out so much I barely noticed the other items here. You could pretty much do a top 20 worst things on etsy this year & have no trouble filling it out just with stuff from this shop. How the fuck do you “tinker around with some rodents” & end up with tiny testicles in a jar?!
March 24, 2011 at 3:23 am
I managed to not crack until the last image, then I lost it.
Ahh regretsy, best stress relief.
March 24, 2011 at 3:42 am
all of it is what Etsy wrought, that’s enough
March 24, 2011 at 6:02 am
The masochistic part of me kept looking through the dead-mouse/repressed-childhood-memories-lady’s store. I have to go curl up in a ball and cry now.
March 24, 2011 at 7:46 am
Last week I cleaned up an abandoned building and that included removing multiple dead bats and a couple dead birds. Who knew that instead of just junking them I should have slapped them on some barn wood and offered them up on etsy!?!
March 24, 2011 at 8:09 am
If I wanted to keep a part of an ex-pet with me forever as a piece of jewelry, I’d go here:
http://www.lifegem.com/
If I had the money.
March 24, 2011 at 11:22 am
Did the mouse seller take “Dinner With Schmucks” too seriously?
March 24, 2011 at 11:35 am
I nearly had to call 911 because I choked on my soda while reading the Ed Gein comments!
I love this place =)
March 24, 2011 at 7:34 pm
I’m one of the people that would have dried mice in their curio cabnet..
I wouldn’t buy them though when I could just get them free from anywhere. Would go nice with my other dead things.
March 25, 2011 at 10:52 am
omg omg omg omg I am hyperventilating at the creepiness of the dead mice. You forgot to mention that her shop also sells BIRD HEARTS! WHAT THE HELL! Can we all say serial killer in the works!??! Look at these shop sections
I AM SO CREEPED OUT!
March 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Why aren’t the dead mice ‘vintage’?
March 25, 2011 at 10:29 pm
And there are like only 100 things on that mobile a baby could choke on.
March 28, 2011 at 3:33 pm
*gets a pile of my dog’s poo, paints it gold and lists it on Etsy for the low, low price of 39.99.*
And darn, I was so looking forward to a little snack of dead rat, lightly grilled and just barely kissed with a touch of teriyaki sauce. But the listing says they aren’t edible. Ah well.
March 28, 2011 at 11:48 pm
My first experience with regretsy was that frightening Betty Davis doll and the freaky mobile, when I saw you put them together although I had nightmares, I knew I was home! Thanks for the giggles and gut laughs!
March 30, 2011 at 5:32 pm
The dead mice thing is fucked up. Yes, let me glue dead animals to a chunk of rock and say they’re “sleeping”. Fucking adorable. Taxidermy is one thing; at least those bastards TRY and make the animal look alive, but this is just two dead ass mummified mice.
September 28, 2011 at 9:25 pm
still not as bad as:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/82608673/disturbing-creepy-and-weird-3d-doll?ref=sr_01fd56a7d1e104f6319278470bb279034a11799d98dcd6fb5426dc0a723f24f5_1317270132_14102565_macabre