Balls Out (NSFW)
- Submitted by Mo-Dean
I’ve seen a good deal of gay underpants in my time. In fact, I lived with a gay man for many years, so I spent a lot of time on the toilet, staring at International Male catalogues and trying to make sense of it all.
Not everything I’ve seen in this genre is to my taste, but it’s not supposed to be. And I guess on some level I understand what they’re going for, and why someone might want to wear it.
Until this.
This is a new brief called “Balls Out” from Be-Brief.com. The manufacturer claims it took 2011 years to come up with this design, which seems like a huge waste of manpower for something your dryer could do on the wrong setting. In any case, you can now hang your balls out of your underpants in style, and the designer is very excited about it.
As is the model.
I could not understand the benefit to this. Why in God’s name would you want your nut sack flopping around all day like a sack of doubloons? Jesus, I don’t even like walking around with a hole in my sock.
So then I thought, well, maybe it’s like a strapless bra or something! Couldn’t that be it? Maybe you’re meant to wear this under certain kinds of garments for some sort of effect. But I couldn’t think of too many looks where guys want to hide their penises and showcase their balls. I mean I suppose it’s possible in certain cultures, where huge nuts are a sign of wealth or something. I don’t know, I’m reaching.
I decided to show this to my fiance, because he has testicles. And after a moment of stunned silence, here’s what he came up with:
“Maybe it’s tight and it gives you a half-chub all day.”
Yeah, I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like a turn on to have two thirds of your junk dangling out of a small hole. Really, if you wanted that sensation, you could just get a hernia.
No, the only reason I can think of for buying these is if you’re going to do something like this.
So I’d like to suggest they just start calling these “Old Dudes Hanging Brain.” It would save a lot of Googling.
March 22, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Let me explain the primary PURPOSE of underpants, if I may….
March 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I would “like” this comment a thousand times if I could.
March 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm
YES.
March 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm
If we all rely with that intent, would that work?
March 22, 2011 at 1:37 pm
It’s similar to hanging a flag at half mast-
It’s half commando.
March 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Yoda says: “All or all out. There is no halfway.”
March 22, 2011 at 1:37 pm
ACK!
Perhaps it keeps you cool in hot weather? or something…
March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Yes, I was thinking it might be a soft of sweaty-balls prevention device.
I think I will defer, though, to those who know a little more about balls than I.
March 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm
If I had balls I’d imagine they’d feel dryer if they had some fabric on them.
March 23, 2011 at 3:25 am
I’m struggling for a way to be usefully factual yet tasteful at the same time. Give me a moment.
OK. This is true: to keep ones ballsack dry, having it surrounded by fabric is a good idea.
In addition, in the event that ones ballsack does get sweaty, having fabric around it helps prevent it from sticking to ones leg. That’s one adjustment one really doesn’t want to make in public, unless one is a professional athlete, in which case one just doesn’t care.
March 22, 2011 at 6:19 pm
I don’t personally have balls, but my husband has these special boxer briefs with a “cooling” fabric in the penis area to prevent sweaty balls. The balls out briefs seems like they would only encourage sweaty balls to chafe on their pants… presuming these are made for wearing with pants…
March 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm
The only reason going commando isn’t more popular is that (I’m told) one tends to accidentally sit on a nut, or pinch one between folds as one crouches… so if that stuff can still happen in these… I guess they’re not to make your junk any happier than it’d be commando style. I could see it being for underwear-enjoying guys who frequently get BJs IF the nuts were in and the wang were out.
Maybe for guys who want to go commando but have to wear something due to their terrible wiping skills.
March 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm
These are TOTALLY useful. Let’s say your penis (and only your penis) is horribly allergic to shaving cream, but you want to shave your balls (as our model clearly has). Solution! Finally!
March 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm
except the model missed a spot. *Yes, I hate myself a little for investigating that man’s balls so closely I saw the hair.*
March 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm
I kind of hate you too because I had to go back and verify he really did miss a spot. Survey says- Yes, he did.
March 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm
For some reason I now have Get Low by Lil Jon stuck in my head…
March 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm
skeet skeet
March 22, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Could help with the fertility thing, maybe, if worn without pants. Or with a kilt. Talk about reaching….
March 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Not reaching that far. From a biomedical standpoint, the whole evolutionary reason men have balls is because sperm has to be kept at about 1 degree Celcius lower than the body temp. to be viable. That said, I can’t imagine underwear could really hurt fertility… Really it still just doesnt make sense to me, either. But again, I lack balls soI can’t speak to comfort.
March 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm
YES! Kilt wearing breeders! You’ve got it Lemonz!
March 23, 2011 at 7:56 am
I could see it being useful with a kilt xD
March 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Maybe it’s just to wear around the house, something for your significant other to enjoy looking at.
March 22, 2011 at 2:22 pm
But then why wouldn’t you just let them see everything? Seeing just a nutsack doesn’t really do much for me.
March 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm
I thought maybe it’s like crotchless panties for girls – we don’t wear them for US, we wear them for guys.
Then I realized I’m a girl and I don’t get turned on by random nutsack peepage.
March 22, 2011 at 6:12 pm
I don’t know, but I don’t think these are meant to be worn by straight men. I’m just sayin’.
March 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Where’s this snickering group of women who’ve convinced men that women want to look at some balls walking around their house?
March 22, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I become a snickering woman when I see my boyfriend’s balls around the house. They’re just so silly looking.
March 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Nah, clearly this is revenge underwear. For every time a woman has pranced around in butt-floss and a push-up bra that leaves welts around her torso.
This is what her boyfriend gets for Christmas.
March 22, 2011 at 6:27 pm
No, they get one of these.
![]()
http://s2.thisnext.com/media/400×400/Penis-Cozy_7DCE7AEE.jpg
March 22, 2011 at 8:31 pm
I crocheted a sheep penis cozy for my boyfriend. I think he enjoyed it a little too much.
(you know you want the pattern http://www.enfys.me.uk/freesheep.htm )
March 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Also, when I discover underwear like this in my fiance’s drawer, it is how I know it is time to throw them out. I suspect he didn’t even know it was fashionable.
March 22, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Honey, if you find underwear like this in your fiance’s drawer… fashionability should be the least of your concerns.
March 22, 2011 at 3:39 pm
I have found boxers in my husband’s drawer that look like his tescticles got really hungry or claustrophobic and chewed themselves free. I’m too scared to ask him about this.
March 22, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Masters of Horror Present: Clive Barker’s “BALLS”
March 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Now that is an image to have stuck in my brain!!
March 22, 2011 at 6:12 pm
YES! So does my husband! It has always baffled me as to why his boxer briefs wear out at precisely that location. I bet they never knew their ratty old underwear is actually fashionable!
March 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm
My guess would be from all the scratching.
March 22, 2011 at 11:53 pm
My boyfriend has boxers like this. I sneak up behind him and grab his testicles with cold hands until he agrees to throw them out. =)
March 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I got nothing. Regretsy has desensitized my gross-factor.
March 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Ditto.
On an unrelated but still dealing with genitals note, I got a chuckle out of the FoxNews article about Evan Rachel Woods strippin’ it off for a new movie. They talk about a merkin which is awesome within itself. Even better? The comments of people trying to figure out what it is?
http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2011/03/22/kate-winslet-coaches-evan-rachel-wood-on-nude-scene-in-hbo-special
March 22, 2011 at 1:58 pm
The Hell?
Dude, why not just let your own body be NORMAL. How freakish has the world become that she is all “OMG! CRAZY 1930s!!!!!!” and needs a frickin MERKIN for a nude scene because, how horrid for a woman in 2011 to have (gasp) pubic hair.
I mean, really…someone might think you are an ADULT or something, what with an actual bush and all…..
March 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm
In her case, I believe it had more to do with the fact that her hooha didn’t look like a typical 1930′s hooha. Either she shaves it completely, or in such a way that it didn’t look right for the era. Merkins usually have pubic hair, so it really has nothing to do with that. If anything, a lot of actresses wear one to give the perception of nudity, while still keeping some part of themselves private.
March 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Wouldn’t it be easier to just grow it back? I don’t think I could handle a toupee on my snooch:-/ I like the comment about calling it a furkin;)
March 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm
But if she grows it back, she has to lose the Vajazzle!
March 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Maybe it’s lasered off and she can’t grow it back?
March 22, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Or maybe she has a “delicate” piercing that needs a faux fur to make sure it doesn’t peep through…
March 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Perhaps the carpet didn’t match the drapes?
I can think of few places on my body that I would be more terrified to dye.
March 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Good point. I know my carpet hasn’t matched my curtains since about 1996.
March 22, 2011 at 5:15 pm
dito as well…… i think id even have the guts to tell that guy in the office “so once you get a certain age does the hair just fall off your nutsack .. or do you shave?”
March 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I think Tom Petty wrote a song about these.
Free Balling.
March 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm
MurderFace freeballs all the time.
March 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Am I the only one who can’t help clicking on all the “hidden due to low ratings” comments?
March 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Nope.
March 22, 2011 at 7:34 pm
It almost makes them MORE interesting
March 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm
I’d like us to get the system People Of Walmart has, where it shows the number of thumbs for up, and the number of thumbs down. Our current way something could score a 3 so maybe you figure it’s dull & skip it… but in reality it had 50,000 downs and 50,003 ups and is very exciting & controversial.
September 1, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Yes! Save the clicking fingers!!!
March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Oh good grief!!! The guy in the waiting room lets his nutsack hang out, but yet he’s wearing a stocking cap on his head? Did he just come from Wal-Mart? I think I threw up in my mouth a little.
March 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I sort of think the old man doesn’t realize his nutsack is free.
March 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Yeah, otherwise he’d have taken two…
March 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm
I just flashed to that episode in Friends “Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house!”
March 22, 2011 at 9:05 pm
I always have a free nutsack in the break room to encourage people to get some good fat in their diet.
March 22, 2011 at 3:45 pm
I may not have a nutsack of my own, but it just SEEMS like one would feel the cooler air or lack of support down there! It boggles my mind.
March 22, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I’ve put some thought into this and what purpose this may serve and the cool air comment made me realize, that may in fact be the only rational purpose.. uh for fertility purposes cause heat does reduce fertility.
but why not just switch to boxers instead of cutting a silly hole in your briefs?????
March 22, 2011 at 5:35 pm
of course this is me trying to find some sort of logic in this….. i have a cooter not a petter so how the fuck should i know whats going on here.
March 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm
You’d think so, right? I had a boyfriend once who went to the store with me and wasn’t wearing underwear under his jeans. We were in the “feminine leakage” aisle and he couldn’t figure out why women were giving him dirty looks. We were in the store for another 10 minutes before he realized his fly was undone and he was flopping out of his pants. lol
March 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm
i am more shocked by the old man in the waiting room. guys, surely you would know if this was happening to you? wouldn’t you?
as for the ball-less pants –
meh, weird but only as weird as thong knickers as far as I’m concerned.March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Why do you do this to me, Regretsy? My poor eyes. Don’t you know that by putting “NSFW” on it, it makes me want to LOOK MORE!?!? >.<;;;;
March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm
These have sadly been around for a while, google Sacfree, I think I first saw these around 2003-2004. I don’t know anyone who actually wears these, but most of the people I know are poor enough that their underwear probably already has holes big enough to fit their nuts through.
March 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I suppose it would make tea bagging that much more convenient.
March 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm
This is the explanation my roomate came up with as well.
March 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Well, at least I know what to get all my Republican friends for Christmas.
March 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I guess the numerous links she posts to the column she writes about her upcoming wedding on a wedding related website passed you buy.
March 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Aren’t we due for another one?
March 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Both?
August 30, 2011 at 10:11 am
Did one of your dreams just die?
March 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qxyt3RTSpxU
Instantly thought of this song
March 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Makes it easier to play ball.
March 22, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Back in the day, they called it ‘pocket pool’.
March 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I asked my brother. The best we could come up with is that maybe it’s so they don’t get sweaty?
March 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Maybe they’re…fertility underpants. You know, so that the little swimmers don’t get too hot.
Also, if that is the best idea that comes to mind, it means I’m reaching. I got nothing. Well, nothing but a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.
March 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm
The only problem I see to your logic is that I don’t think the boys who choose to wear these fall into the “breeders” category.
March 22, 2011 at 6:59 pm
You stole the words right out of my mouth, and I really don’t think there are many boys who choose to wear these. I even showed them to my exceptionally flaming friend and his jaw just dropped in disgust and confusion.
March 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm
this is another example:
http://www.freewebs.com/laredprase/hanging-balls.jpg
March 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm
You would think I would learn not to click on the links provided by my fellow Regretsians, but noooooooooooo.
March 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Perfect for the man that wants to increase his fertility chances without giving up his bikini cut underwear.
March 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Why in the heck would you pay for these?
My boyfriend has like 10 pairs of briefs with giant holes there.
Maybe I should start selling those on etsy.. Vintage Balls Out Boxers…
March 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm
OMG, there’s a fortune to be made! I’m totally stealing your idea.
March 23, 2011 at 12:00 am
Just don’t forget to sew a Hobby Lobby Octopus on the front and tag them steampunk.
March 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Maybe those could be in the same genre as crotchless panties?
Victims of sewing mishaps who turned their situation around for the better.
Either way, who doesn’t love a good set of balls?
March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm
But crotchless panties are for easy access. These block off the good stuff and leave the wrinkly bits out. That’s no good at all!
March 22, 2011 at 11:57 pm
Play with a man’s balls for a bit and watch the reaction. Then tell me they aren’t some of the “good bits”.
March 22, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Well, hell, men’s drawers already have a slit in the front. How much more access do they need? a back flap as well? Why bother? All that is left is the framework without the walls.
This explains it. These smalls are meant to be lingerie – fuckwear. he stuff that you ogle for 3.7 seconds before employing your preferred method of removal (teeth, ripping …)
March 22, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Bingo. Gay men have figured out that lingerie isn’t just for women. Now if straight men could figure this out too there would be a lot more happy women.
March 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm
There has been concern for many years that restrictive underwear, and the heat thereby produced, is having a detrimental effect on male fertility. Maybe it’s something to do with that(?)
March 22, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Because I’m sure grating your balls directly against your tight denim jeans is a much better alternative. o.O
March 22, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Probably not great for your skin in those circumstances. Perhaps a liberal coating of petroleum jelly?
March 22, 2011 at 3:11 pm
…so you end up with a guy with greasy jeans and cool, irritated balls. HOT.
March 22, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I don’t want the man who wears this TO breed! Bring on the constriction, the heat & the exponentially lowered fertility rate!
March 22, 2011 at 1:46 pm
what every gay man considers when buying underwear – will I remain fertile in those tighty whities?
March 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm
It doesn’t actually say in the ad that they’re gaypants.
March 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Honey. Those are gay pants.
March 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I was grasping at straws really for anything approaching a reasonable explanation because otherwise I have to live in a universe where scrota are exposed for the purposes of display only; and that kind of universe just doesn’t make sense. I’d rather kill us all.
March 22, 2011 at 4:19 pm
See, that is part of my confusion … no one I know (male or female) that is attracted to men has ever said “Know what my favorite part of a dude is? BALLS” I mean balls really play second fiddle, either people are into the whole package package (as it were) or they are all about the dick. No porn I have ever read aimed at women or gay men has ever described the balls in the same loving detail as they describe a throbbing purple love stick. Maybe I am just too sheltered (or just sheltered enough?)
October 25, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Fraid you’re sheltered, unholyghost. Sarah Silverman is only the most famous example of a gal who prefers the nuts to the cock. It’s a niche market that’s gaining more mainstream acceptance. (From my “Please for the love of God don’t ask me how I know this” File.)
March 22, 2011 at 1:58 pm
indeed it doesn’t Strong McLiteral, but HK had such a great influence on me with her intro about her gay roommate’s underwear catalogues I couldn’t help myself.
March 22, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I’ve also just thought as well; they might be aimed specifically at gay dudes with female friends who want a baby and talk their gay male friend into donating some sperm in a hollywood romantic comedy. Because that’s pretty much what happens in like two out of three romantic comedies, in my experience.
March 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm
That would explain the turkey-vaster thing in the picture below…
March 22, 2011 at 1:46 pm
I’d like to shake the sack of the gentleman who was so generous as to save me $1.35 if I buy three at once!
March 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Once again, the category needs to be changed from “not safe for work” to “not safe for anywhere there are other humans”
March 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Okay, I’m a gay man and even I’m baffled by this. Apparently there is a half-underwear enjoying subculture out there as I’ve seen ads and a catalogue that was mistakenly shipped to a friend’s grandfather, but damned if I know what the appeal is.
March 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm
There was an episode of “I Dream of Jeannie” where the dark haired evil twin Jeannie said that she was banned from a beach for only wearing half her bikini.
“Which half?”
“The left.”
March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm
The target consumer for these is the gay male who instinctively buys stupid shit he’ll never use, because the model in the ad was totally hot. Bonus that he showed 2/3 of his junk. Buy, buy, buy!
I speak from experience — I AM that stupid gay male who buys shit because the model was hot. Because, you know, buying the thing that the hot model held/wore/stood adjacent to, in some way, makes him yours… or makes you him… or hot like him… some really logical shit like that. Right?! RIGHT?!
March 22, 2011 at 2:05 pm
You see a lot of chiropractors, don’t you?
March 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Geez, people get a “Hairspray” reference but have never seen an ad for a gay chiropractor?
March 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm
yes, perfect sense. His hot body really quite distracted me from the wrinkly balls… sadly, this wasn’t the case looking at the waiting room guy
March 22, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Okay, as I was reading your comment, I read “wore/stood” and totally saw it as “wood.” Heh.
March 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Hell, I wanted to buy these because of the model, and I’m not gay or male.
March 22, 2011 at 3:14 pm
A lot of women do that too. And, I am fairly sure this is why straight men subscribe to Victoria’s Secret catalogs and buy stuff for their women. Wishful Shopping Syndrome.
March 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I believe what you describe is a strong factor in most fashion purchases. That and the “if it feels tight I must look thinner” logic are the only explanation for so many crimes of fashion against dignity.
March 22, 2011 at 3:14 pm
There’s a Rule 34 somewhere in that subculture.
March 22, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I LOVE that a weird underwear catalog got sent to someone’s Grampa!
March 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm
So what’s happening in the back end of this garment? Guess I’ll have to visit the website to investigate,.. yeah that’s right,… investigate.
March 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Investurbating?
March 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm
What a great year. The birth of Christ and ancient humanity’s initial foray into the world of freeballin’ man panties.
March 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I don’t know what the makers have in mind, but I know they’ll make harvesting for my new Scrota perfume that much easier.
March 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm
For the frugal man who wants the ball-swinging freedom that boxer shorts offer, but can only afford 4 square inches of fabric.
March 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Cock-centricity I understand…..See “Tom of Finland”.
Sure.
But this? Unless someone is trying to up their sperm count, I had NO idea that there was an aesthetic….”thing” for scrotum.
Is there? Are the better scrotum than others? Is there a criteria for manly scrotum I don’t know about within the gay community that I as a woman will simply not be privy?
I WANT TO KNOW.
March 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm
I think that scrota are one of the few things on the outside of the human body that are pretty much universal (well, amongst the half of the population who have them anyway) in appearance. Maybe that’s why showing them off is becoming a thing; the uniform appearance of the scrotum is the great leveller.
March 22, 2011 at 2:05 pm
And that’s JUST IT, isn’t it? Unless you are missing a testicle, or, egads, have a third, are they not all the same, pretty much?
Why the showcasing? “This, my lover, is my bodypart that looks just like every other man’s same bodypart! Look upon it and shiver with anticipatory delight!”
I…yeah.
I want to know.
March 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm
“This is my scrotum. There are many like it but this one is mine.”
March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm
aesthetic and scrotum rarely ever make it into the same sentence
March 22, 2011 at 2:58 pm
A shame, really; such an interesting combo.
March 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I like balls. I don’t need them in a cotton picture frame. Jast sayin’.
March 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm
A few years of wearing these babies and said scrota will be hitting your knees. Sexxxxxy.
March 22, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I was also going to suggest that maybe this is a cost-saving exercise; but $21.95 for a complete pair of underpants seems excessive, let alone for two-thirds of a pair of underpants.
March 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Two thirds?? You’re obviously leaving the *rse out of the equation. Props, kudos and salutes, by the way, for use of the word “Scrota”. I’ve never needed to consider the plural before. What’s the collective noun? A quota of scrota?
March 22, 2011 at 3:19 pm
The collective noun would be “a bunch of scrota”.
But only on a cold day.
March 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm
A wrinkle of scrota or a shrink of scrota, perhaps?
March 22, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I’d be concerned over zippers if I had balls. Why think I smell the sea when I look at the old guy? eww…
March 22, 2011 at 1:52 pm
That didn’t shock me in the slightest. Mainly because yesterday I discovered THIS http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=11618
however, if you would like something with a tad more coverage, try this one http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=9786
What concerns me most are the reviews were guys are saying they bought these to impress their girlfriends. Im sorry, but if a guy tried to impress me with that im pretty sure he would then me single…
March 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Wow… I always thought womens lingerie was always the winner in the “most ridiculous undergarments” contest… So little of this world I know! Thank you Regretsians for broadening my horizons and making me feel squeamish in ways I never thought possible.
I would laugh so hard if my boyfriend tried to wear any of these.
August 30, 2011 at 10:23 am
I love how the use of British words in the reviews render them completely comical and not in any way sexy.
“The elasticated holes are big enough to fit your tackle through, but tight enough to gently squeeze the base of your knob so you remember you’re wearing it! I shaved my bollocks before putting it on, which helps you to make sure you don’t get hairs trapped in the openings.”
Good tip mate!
October 25, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Okay, now I can’t use the word “Saucy!” anymore. Thanks a lot. x-(
Also, this confirms my suspicion that it’s yet another “fetish” thing. Crotchless panties for dudes, in essence.
March 22, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Regretsy FTW! That’s the best laugh I’ve had all week. He kinda looks like a dirty old garden gnome.
March 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Well that provides absolutely no support.
It’s worse than moccasins.
March 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Oh how cute! A penis cozy!
March 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Gives new meaning to having ol uncle Dick round to tea, doesn’t it?
March 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I finally set up a profile, and all so I could say- what. is. this. fucknonsense?
March 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm
that, is a distinguished old gentleman sitting upon two duffel bags.
March 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Not so much smuggling plums as transporting them undisguised in a wheelbarrow.
March 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Well, you see…it’s like this…I really like balls. There, it’s out there now. I like balls and I find this photo to be heavenly. Now, just to be clear, let me say that I don’t go for the muscle-y and shiny look. I prefer concave and pasty. But to each her/his own, I guess. But balls are so…so…nom. Couldn’t these pants just be for the bedroom where such sartorial choices may be appreciated properly?
March 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I would think that in the bedroom (or bathroom stall, or truck stop, or back room at a dive bar, etc…) they would still be removed before anything “fun” could occur.
Ew! Unless the penis is so unpleasant to look at that this is as far as he’ll go.
March 22, 2011 at 2:36 pm
A) balls are awesome & unique as snowflakes, B) there’s plenty one can get up to before taking those drawers off – as with genital-covering boudoir attire for any gender.
March 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm
FINALLY someone who gets it! There are those of us who have a fetish for underwear made for the bedroom only — and it can be fun and hot to play with someone who wears this kind of thing. Also, some guys have little tiny balls, some guys have great big danglers, and some have balls that are in-between. Shaved, hairy, scruffy… lots and lots of variety. Have you people NO imagination… or experience?
October 25, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to-and-fro?
Can you tie ‘em in a knot?
Can you tie ‘em in a bow?
Can you throw ‘em over your shoulder
like a Continental soldier?
Do your
balls
hang
lowwwww?
March 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm
You go, getting that out there..
Um..like him!
(I find other people’s personal turn-ons fascinating!)
(I love men who look like hairless silverback gorillas..slight bellies, round butt….think Harvey Keitel in “The Paino”…I write this just as a thank you for your confession.)
March 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Paino! Kinky!…no..Piano, scuza.
March 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm
OMG, my dear, you would just *die* for my dear husband…
March 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Nonono, I get the gorilla part, but why hairless? I like my men to look like husky bear-wrestling neanderthals. My other half is making great work on a gorgeous, hairy potbelly mmmmmmm…
March 23, 2011 at 5:40 am
I was referring only to, say, hair on the back. Tummy hair is lovely.
March 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm
I was never into balls until I saw this picture, I’ve been converted. This is my road to Damascus. Can we start a ‘Balls are nom’ facebook group?
March 22, 2011 at 4:30 pm
You are the first person I have ever ummm “met” I guess, that is into balls. I am with ViolentGlitterOrgy, thanks for the confession I honestly wasn’t sure if there was anyone out there like you. Now I know!
I like my men tall, pudgy, and hairy like wookie.
March 23, 2011 at 12:05 am
Absolutely. Be gently nomming the balls though unless your guy is into CBT.
March 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm
This makes even less sense than crotchless panties; I mean at least there is ONE thing that is easier with crotchless, but this… I just have no explanation.
March 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I beleive it’s for men who like the comfortable styling of boxers but like to keep the schlong secured? Maybe it’s for those men that have a long hanging dingus that doesn’t shrink enough so they want that secured but don’t like the feel of there giant sweaty sac smooshed up against the shaft? I’m just guessing since I have a vagina and don’t wear underwear.
March 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm
“their giant sweaty sac”
March 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm
You made that mistake on purpose, just so you could type “their giant sweaty sac” again.
March 22, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I’ve been found out.
March 22, 2011 at 2:54 pm
You said all that like you really mean it. I’m your sister, sister.
March 22, 2011 at 3:11 pm
They should be called BATWINGS… a fashionable garment made just for sweaty sacs
March 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm
WHY?! So you can do the bat wing on your lunch break?! Come on…
March 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Well that’s weird, I thought men wanted to avoid laughter when they took off their pants.
March 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm
All I can think is that these fancy pants displace the nuts from their natural habitat and would make them more susceptible to chafing. Ouch!
After a day in these, I don’t think that the visual aesthetic is quite as pleasing.
That said, those are the nicest nuts I’ve seen recently.
March 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm
See hastily posted comment #40. I meant the first guy’s balls NOT the second.
March 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I don’t see what the big deal is. I think that looks very inviting – I mean really, who doesn’t like balls? (heterosexual men and lesbians aside, of course)
March 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 1:59 pm
It’s finally happened. Nothing, not even testicle trapdoors, can affect me anymore.
March 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Not that new of an idea: http://www.asylum.com/2010/12/07/sacfree-crotchless-underwear-for-men/
March 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm
If a guy moved the wrong way, he could make a living as a Frankie Valli impersonator…
March 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm
best article ever… Someone needs to send him one of these as consolation for the demise of sacFree.
March 22, 2011 at 10:24 pm
That review has me 90% convinced to order my man a pair… for his pair…to air… so there
March 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I, too, lived in Casa de Homo in my 20s (that’s the 1990s to you whippersnappers, respect my elderly wisdom!) and saw more International Male catalogues than I care to remember. I feel bonded with you now, HK.
March 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Why confine your ball sweat to your underpants? Give your dry clean only wool trousers the chance to soak it up.
March 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Is this a standard pair of bikini briefs with an artfully arranged additional opening, or is the pouch just big enough for one part of the equipment?
Because it looks like a penis snood.
March 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm
A sneedis?
March 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I choked on my Coke at “penis snood”.
Oh, our RenFaire will never be the same.
March 23, 2011 at 12:31 am
It’s UNDERSKANTS!
March 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm
It is my considered opinion that these underpants must have been constructed by an anthropologist with a huge amount of respect for (read: fetishistic infatuation with) Caledonian native warriors, where testicles are evidently revered, just above gastrointestinal comfort, and the penis reviled. To wit:
The photo is from http://www.biblioddysey.blogspot.com, which is, incidentally, an amazing site for lovers of the bizarre.
March 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm
These are actually still widely worn in much of Papua New Guinea and goes under the name koteka, phallocrypt (which would make a great name for a band), or penis gourd since they’re usually made out of gourds.
Though this guy is using a flashlight:
They’re still widely worn in tropical areas with poor laundry facilities because shorts and underwear tend to hold sweat and dirt and cause skin infections. the traditional koteka is easier to clean and doesn’t cause same problem. Nonporous material is easier to keep clean.
People do collect these things too. I sold one on Etsy! So far nobody has put one up again. the phallocrypt art, for those interested He’ll also turn up on page 2 of Google searches for the term.
Clearly I should do another one…
March 22, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Fun AND educational!
March 22, 2011 at 3:40 pm
I actually have an antique penis gourd from west Africa. They’re beautiful pieces of art. The Caledonian covering I linked to is interesting and unique because it isn’t protective – it’s just fabric wrapped around the member and slung up through the belt.
By the way, I’m not a total pervert – I studied cultural anthropology in university for a few years! I don’t even like penises
March 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm
I have a degree in it too! Now I just use it to make mindbendingly WTF art.
My professor also had us drink kava in class. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
March 22, 2011 at 10:42 pm
I was very intrigued by the uniqueness of the style! It must be woven like a chinese finger trap so the thing doesn’t just fall out. Is it for modesty(primarily a cover) or to keep stuff from slapping about too violently while running (a way to tie things together), or maybe to defend against shrubberies slapping it when they’re walking through the woods?
March 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm
The “What’s New” page is really…interesting. Most of these guys are hung like potatoes, oddly enough.
March 22, 2011 at 2:21 pm
They have everything! Stainless Cockbusters and Foreskin Restoration weights!
March 22, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Now I’m glad I don’t open the emails I get from Restoration Hardware…
March 22, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Foreskin restoration???
March 22, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Some men feel that they were denied the opportunity to refuse circumcision as children, so the live with bitterness and regret.
Sort of like Chylandia, only with a penis.
Restoration equipment latches on to whatever is left and pulls on it until it stretches.
March 22, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Okay, but does this item from the same site, named “man up”, make more, or less, sense?
March 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm
That depends on whether this photo has been censored or if it actually makes your wang look like that.
March 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm
It looks like he put his penis into the bulb from a turkey baster.
March 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Which of us can honestly say we haven’t?
March 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm
It’s getting it out that’s the problem.
March 22, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Sorry… I didn’t expect it to be so BIG, no pun intended. I put ‘width=”300″‘ in the image tag, and it previewed correctly, but then it posted at full size. Whoopsy!
March 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm
I like this one:
Specifically the second pic (the blue one)
http://www.sps2010.org/
March 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Looks like some kind of BDSM hood for a schlong.
April 1, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Or a f’d up hacky sack.
March 22, 2011 at 10:47 pm
That caught my eye in the “what’s new” thumbnails too & I thought at first that this circle was like a bubblegum bubble of skin & thought the skivvies must have an air pump for some sort of horrible inflation fetish! OH THE HORROR!
March 23, 2011 at 10:59 am
It’s a dickbra.
March 22, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Couldn’t you get the same effect from a couple of layers of curling ribbon? At least it would be festive…
March 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Best. Comment. Ever.
March 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm
I like this product. Firstly, because the model has a spankin’ body. Secondly, because I dig on crotchless panties.
March 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Maybe it’s good for strippers or something?
March 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm
With the exception of stocking cap waiting room man, I wouldn’t kick any of them out of bed if they were wearing these bikinis. I would hold fast to the hope though, from what I “can’t see”, that they are growers and not showers. ;o)
March 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Aw come on. Stocking cap waiting room guy has a certain je ne sais quoi about him! I could just loose myself in his beard for hours….and just look at his delicate ankles!
March 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm
This may shed some light on things;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ozSSseCh3U
March 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm
I love you. Just thought I’d mention that.
March 22, 2011 at 5:04 pm
I want to like it more!!!! So this tells us that: these undies enhance the sexual appeal for ones’ sugar lumps…. i have been enlightened.
March 22, 2011 at 2:16 pm
It’s not as though the balls needed a Cooling Hole…they are already “2 below.”
March 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm
What kind of tease is that?!? I mean seriously-why even bother? If you’re already that damn hot just be naked!
March 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm
The more I look at this the more I like it. I was skeptical at first but the quality of the photography has won me round.
I think its perfectly obvious what its for – to preserve ones modesty when dipping ones sack into a chalice containing the silkiest oils and creams….
Thats what I’m imagining anyway.
March 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Jambe! The chocolate icing!
March 22, 2011 at 4:43 pm
While several other men wearing less fancy, fully covering gold lame underwear wave fans of ostrich feathers.
March 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm
http://www.amazon.com/Pipedream-Products-PD8582-00-The-Tuggie/dp/B0044FS6JY i like this better. at least balls are covered
March 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Product Features
* Leopard print
* Hands free penis warmer
* Fun novelty
I’m sold.
March 22, 2011 at 5:33 pm
You know, it wouldn’t be hard to knit one of those…
March 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm
As Seen on TV? In Europe?
March 22, 2011 at 10:52 pm
As Seen on TV? Where? Pay-per-view?
March 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
These are not even on tv in Provincetown!
March 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm
I love a nice set of Hippity Hops on a man…that doesn’t look homeless and sits in a waiting room.
March 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Definitely fetish wear. Not my thing, but I know lots of other gays who’d be into this.
I’d teabag that model though any day. Even if he is wearing man-panties that only do half the job.
March 22, 2011 at 2:30 pm
What’s that, vagina? Oh, you just wanted to tell me that I’m actually a lesbian, and not just an in-denial bisexual? Well, thanks!
And thank you, Regretsy, for making my teenage period of sexual questioning that much shorter!
March 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm
It took 2000 years to come up with crotchless panties for men? Seriously though, the only legitimate reason I could think of for something like this would be for men who are trying to raise their sperm count and maybe need to keep their balls away from the body. Otherwise I’ve got nothin’
March 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Oh! For sure those are made to wear with these:
http://www.break.com/index/balls_out_jeans.html
Enjoy! haha
March 22, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Scrota = awesome.
March 22, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Maybe someone got him this chair and he just wanted to be able to use it?
<img src="http://i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l613/iusedtobeawesome/aseatmadeforaman.jpg".
March 22, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Maybe someone got him this chair and he just wanted to be able to use it?
March 22, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm
These are the perfect solution for the guy who likes to teabag but doesn’t like to touch his junk.
Or, you know, if you have some VERY specific fetishes. Which I, of course, know nothing about?
March 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Dude. You’re preachin’ to the choir.
March 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Also, I have to say that I once dated a guy who liked wearing my thong panties. HEY I WAS 22 AND DIDN’T KNOW BETTER.
It looked oddly similar to the above photo.
March 22, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Wait, what’s wrong with that?
March 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm
A little under-the-clothes (or just in the bedroom) crossdressing is pretty darn vanilla for a fetish. Carry on.
March 22, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Do your balls hang free,
so that everyone can see?
Do you shave them?
Do you wax them?
Did you name them bold and baldy?
Do your balls
hang
free?
March 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Screw the idiocy of the design. I could stare at this photo all day! *sighs in ecstasy*
March 22, 2011 at 2:55 pm
What is going on with the muscles on his abdomen? There is one that isn’t symmetrical and it’s freaking me out.
Also: imagine his nipples are eyes, that weird muscle there is a nose, and his navel is a mouth. Try to unsee the face.
March 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm
I’m seeing a Transformers/mech type of face now. Demmit.
March 22, 2011 at 2:57 pm
So, is it going to take them another 2011 years to invent underwear with the prick hole and the ball cozy, or am I too far ahead of the curve again?
Also, needs moar octopus.
March 22, 2011 at 2:57 pm
I need to stop reading Regretsy while there are other people in the room…..
March 22, 2011 at 2:58 pm
What bothers me the most about this, is that somewhere, there was an audition for the model, like who the fuck considers themselves like a testicle model?
And if so, will this play a role in the second Zoolander!?
Ok, going out for my box of wine.
March 22, 2011 at 3:01 pm
After much deliberation, I think they are modesty pants for when you go to the doctor and he says ‘cough please’, See, no embarassment!!
On the other hand, living in Europe, you see many things like this on the beach all the time, some are so small you can’t see them at all (pants that is!)!!!!
March 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Ha! This explains the coordinating sandals:
March 22, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Oh wow, you’re so witty the joke made no sense. :/
March 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Yeah..What with the quotation marks I can only assume that they aren’t republicans at all.
March 22, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Yeah, you’d have to assume I mean teabaggers. Wow. Just…wow.
March 22, 2011 at 10:57 pm
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March 22, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Joke was made already. But This gave me the chance to give it the second thumbs up I feel it so richly deserved
March 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Alright, so it’ll work with a kilt, but his slacks are going to give him a nasty sack rash. :/
March 22, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I…uh…
have nothing to add to this conversation :\
March 22, 2011 at 3:40 pm
I swear to God that old man with his sack hanging out is sitting in the lab at the medical building where my doctor’s office is.
March 22, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Now THOSE are nuteratants.
March 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Maybe it’s the gay male version of underboob? *shrug*
March 22, 2011 at 3:51 pm
I’m just stoked that you can get them in pink, it’s so much more fun to accessorize!!
March 22, 2011 at 3:52 pm
..free balling but not getting your dong caught in the zipper of your jeans? Maybe? I don’t even know anymore.
March 22, 2011 at 3:53 pm
This totally opens the Etsy market for testicle cozies made from upcycled-wool from the local thrift store or church jumble sale. Think of the decorative possibilities….
March 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Oh! Just think of the possibilities! Rhinestones!
March 22, 2011 at 4:20 pm
It’s upcycled and repurposed!
Little more octopus and they’re steampunk.
March 22, 2011 at 5:13 pm
That’s some first-rate balldazzling.
March 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Gives new meaning to ”the family jewels…”
March 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Yes!
March 22, 2011 at 7:46 pm
StripDance club gear!October 25, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Flight of the Conchords already beat you to it:
http://youtu.be/9Wl_uQOABxg
March 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm
He bites his nails.
March 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Well, he’s not a *hand* model.
March 22, 2011 at 5:26 pm
He has hands?
March 23, 2011 at 5:45 am
HA!!
March 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Why not just buy some bikini briefs and move them to one side when the mood strikes you? That way you could have full protection when at work and full testicle access when entertaining guests.
March 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm
My husband just said “here, teabag this Nair!” while we were discussing this post and now my 7 year old (who snuck up behind us) wants to know how you “teabag” something. >.<
March 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm
I have a theory: these bikinis seem to keep the penis at half-staff, like a little sling… Could these be for (gay?) dance clubs when you want everyone to think you’re hot for them?
In that case, the free ballin’ would be incidental. A shocking twist!
March 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I sense a theme of sorts today. Maybe it’s just me.
March 22, 2011 at 4:36 pm
How sweet, you can get “Good Devil Ballz” in turquoise, red or pink!
March 23, 2011 at 8:07 am
Yay!
http://www.be-brief.com/good-devil-ballz-out-bikini-pink.html
March 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Soooooo, I’m breaking my year long or so silence of lurking-ness to say that, more posts like this would be appreciated. ;3
I might not understand the point per say but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it. Sometimes I wish I were a gay man. :p
March 22, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Not having balls myself I had to ask my husband about these. When I explained the concept he replied, “What the fuck for?”
So it appears even those with balls do not understand why they would want them hanging out.
March 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I feel so wrong having done this, and yet…
March 22, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Comment of the day!!!!
March 22, 2011 at 11:29 pm
NOOOOOOOOE! The Man took it down! What was it? I gotta know or I’ll die!
March 23, 2011 at 9:19 am
This image or video violated our terms of use.
haha, well damn. Doncha just hate when that happens?
March 24, 2011 at 8:47 am
Apparently Photobucket took it down (and can I really blame them?). Here’s another try.
March 22, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I hear under-balls are the new under-boob.
March 22, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I asked my husband what he would say if I told him I wanted to look at balls. After several sounds that didn’t amount to language, he finally managed, “Well – why would you want to?”
So he definitely doesn’t want these for his birthday.
March 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Sometimes I wish I had balls, just so I could have them hang out.
March 22, 2011 at 6:24 pm
I could crochet a pair for you.
March 22, 2011 at 6:44 pm
So. Fucking. Funny. Srsly, I won’t be able to fall asleep from all the giggling.
March 22, 2011 at 11:02 pm
I know my husband isn’t.
March 22, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Annnd here’s reason #3 I got divorced the second time (the hat dude in the waiting room). That could totally be my ex in another 10 years.
I could not take him anywhere.
March 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm
I’ve never had a remote interest in gnome scrota, but thanks to Regretsy, I now know what one looks like.
Off to gouge my eyes out.
March 22, 2011 at 7:21 pm
I’ve heard that the most sensitive part on a man’s body is between his anus and scrotum. I’m thinking this is a way for him to have his um man/woman, do some um tasting and caressing before the actual moment of opening the gift. Maybe it is for them as much as it is for him, he gets some much needed fondling and they get to give their partner a different sensation, plus with it being tight across the package it would cause increased sensitivity to the scrotum. Then they get to be amazed at the fact they can make them as aroused as they do. Just a guess, thinking it’s just lingerie and that there are all kinds.
March 22, 2011 at 7:51 pm
lillianna, I think that you are waaaaaaay too into your “guess”.
March 22, 2011 at 11:04 pm
‘there are all kinds.’
March 22, 2011 at 11:05 pm
‘there are all kinds.’
Of lingerie?
(sorry – there was premature posting)
October 25, 2011 at 8:23 pm
That’s called the perineum. There’s no way anyone could access it while wearing these. Shame too, as my gay dude friends tell me it’s a lot of fun to play with. (Not sure I should trust them, though, they thought the Goatse picture was a suggestion and not a way to pull a really evil prank on someone.)
March 22, 2011 at 7:34 pm
“they always look like landscape that close up. yep, you’re looking at balls.”
March 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm
I’m sure someone has already mentioned this, but… I’m kind of fascinated by the rash/razor burn on his right thigh. More than his creepy looking balls, the thing on his leg is what grosses me out.
March 22, 2011 at 11:05 pm
damn — you made me have to go back and look.
March 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm
March 22, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Brilliant.
March 22, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Ya’ll are way over thinking this. It’s male lingerie. Lingerie is rarely “rational.”
Exhibit A:
March 22, 2011 at 8:22 pm
This lets saggers go Commando!
March 22, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Whoever this OP is is hilarious. Last thread she started on Etsy (which got shut down) was asking if breast milk was vegan…..
http://www.etsy.com/teams/7722/business-topics/discuss/6828314/page/1
March 22, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Wish I had known about these when I was dating a guy with a pierced scrotum… I couldn’t help but cringe thinking about the snagging with the boxers. These might have been appreciated.
March 22, 2011 at 10:13 pm
And it’s “downy balls,” no less. Those balls DO look downy, at the most. Keep your new look fresh, indeed.
Magic Dryer Balls
Keep Your New Look Fresh Longer. Protect Clothing Shape & Color!
http://www.Downy.com/Benefits
March 23, 2011 at 2:26 am
I think they were following the same design principles as these guys:
http://www.vizeau.com/
For instance:
http://www.vizeau.com/svg13.html
ugh…
March 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
That’s no panty, that’s a holster!
March 23, 2011 at 2:44 am
Whoever designed this was nuts!
March 23, 2011 at 4:28 am
Okay, I’m thinking easy access…like crotchless panties, to be able to “suck balls” without taking off the underwear…
Yes, I know it’s a stretch…o.O
March 23, 2011 at 5:52 am
Actually, yesterday my dad had surgery to remove Paget’s rash (or whatever the fuck they call it) from exactly that spot. He then had plastic surgery and skin grafts to correct the tissue removal. He might actally want these undies, but I will be damned if I will ask him.
March 23, 2011 at 6:47 am
Amazing.
And I know this is not at all the point, but WTF is that woman in the foreground bringing to read at the doctor’s office? Is she working on a translation of The Iliad?
March 23, 2011 at 9:09 am
I’ve been enjoying your site as a lurker for months now. First, thank you for lightening up my boring, hectic, stressful workdays!
THIS lovely bit of clothing has encouraged me to finally register. Go figure. Here’s the deal: if your husband is uncircumsized, this ain’t a bad thing to have him wear. Not that he would, manly-man that he is. I lovingly refer to his flaccid weinus as The Aardvark. NOT attractive in the non-turgid state.
I formerly had a gentleman lover who had amazing balls. Perfect, just the right size, matching, and they cupped wonderfully in the palms of my hands. He would have looked stunning in this, but alas, he was a manly-man as well. These are definitely not for breeders.
March 23, 2011 at 9:47 am
OMG! The photo of the guy in the waiting room — I now have a shit eating grin and am laughing out loud quite loudly
Thank you for the shot of serotonin to my brain, Regretsy! My nociceptors thank you, chemically!
March 23, 2011 at 10:00 am
I went though my photobucket and saw the image I posted last night:
I giggled after I scrolled down the page a little bit…
Then I thought he needed a mask…
Because he had too much to drink and was ashamed of himself…
Which leads me to this…
October 25, 2011 at 8:25 pm
You win.
March 23, 2011 at 6:42 pm
okay i have to say it. the first thing i thought of when i saw this was the skit from SNL spoofing Brett Favre’s lee “open fly” jeans commercial. Hilarious!
March 23, 2011 at 8:04 pm
the grossest part is the male model bites his finger nails. Didn’t his mother ever teach him about parasites?
March 23, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Them are some purty tea-baggin’ pants!
March 26, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Those are some big ass balls.
March 27, 2011 at 10:31 am
I absolutely love testicles! They’re so fun!
Sometimes I wish I had a pair so I could lay in the sunshine and bat them around like a cat with a ball of yarn.
July 2, 2011 at 2:04 am
..why is the old dude wearing a taboggin, loafers without socks and shorts…well does he just not feel the breeze on his junk? people!