Weekend Flashback
You know, I think this is a great idea! In fact, we’re going to start selling our own Regretsy self-esteem boosting CD:
[wpaudio url="http://www.regretsy.com/audio/self_esteem.mp3" text="No Regrets: Building Self-Esteem the Regretsy Way (Excerpt)"]
March 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I was a sceptic until they payed me a pile of dough for this testimonial!
OR I was a sceptic until i realized i could just create my own testimonial!!
March 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
It “…no longer allows negative thoughts to surface…” Is that an Etsy way of saying we will be drowning our sorrows in tequila? Because, if it is, I am all for this product…
March 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm
or does it mean if a negative thought does surface, they will just kill you…
March 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Again with the thumbs down.. I getting a complex….
March 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Never let em see you sweat.
Besides, here you are on a site that, while it does TREMENDOUS good and is filled with good, kind and generous people, is also an island chock full of snark in a sea of confused, occasionally-none-too-bright and indignant resentment that wishes it would go away.
Don’t take it personally.
March 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm
namaste bitches!
March 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Those other viewers are giving you the thumbs down because your avatar is so full of grace! They’re just jealous!
My sheep is wearing a gasmask to cover his jealousy of your gracefulness.
March 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm
@easily distracted, You have made me blush furiously. I don’t know what to say. So im gonna take my sleeping pill and go to bed. thanks. If anyone goes snarkalupagus while im sleeping get all namaste in their faces for me!
Good night I will dream of sparkly macaroni goat masks that you can use multi purpose
March 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Well I don’t know if they’ll kill you but they will attack you with barn wood….
On my way to the North Mississippi Green festival this past weekend and what do I see? A piece of barn wood 2×4 bouncing on the free way… Kicked up by an 18 wheeler this thing was dancing and spinning ten feet in the air. I knew it was actual barn wood because of the weathered texture and typical coloration of gray I saw as it rebounded off the hood of my car.
March 20, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Did you happen to bring it home with you? You could easily sale it.
“Magical Dancing Barn Wood Fallen From the Heavens”
March 20, 2011 at 11:29 pm
WILD barnwood, and you didn’t trap it?!?!
March 21, 2011 at 9:20 am
Free range barnwood!!!
March 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I’m thinking it means that it will cause something like a scene out of Scanners.
March 20, 2011 at 5:06 pm
mmmmm….splody.
March 20, 2011 at 4:43 pm
“you were made to use glitter” is gonna be my new ringtone.
March 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Please use glitter responsibly…
http://www.theonion.com/articles/cases-of-glitter-lung-on-the-rise-among-elementary,1843/
“Epidemiologists note that the increase in glitter-lung cases is occurring simultaneously with a general rise in other classroom-related diseases. Macaroni elbow, modeling clay palsy, crayon flu, and googly-eye are sidelining thousands of teachers each year.”
March 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Thank you for sharing this. I can’t believe that this article was published five and a half years ago, and I’m only just now learning about this terrible scourge! I’m going to spread the word about glitter lung.
I think, when I get my Etsy shop up and running, I’m going to dedicate a percentage of all sales to go to research on this horrible disease.
March 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm
“pneumosparklyosis”
March 20, 2011 at 7:52 pm
You had me at “thick, dazzling mucus.”
March 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Fuck yes I glue pasta to things better than anybody. You tell yo mama.
March 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I told my mama. She told me not to interrupt her drinking or she was gonna put sauce on your crafts and have them for dinner.
March 20, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Oh no she di’int!
Now I’m gonna have to listen to the whole CD and weep glitter tears.
March 20, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Guess what, pasta art is OVER! It’s DONE! Hey, thanks for ruining pasta art.
March 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm
I thought hipsters ruined everything.
On a side note: I liked hipsters better when I just called them douche bags.
March 20, 2011 at 10:33 pm
what if we roll the hipsters in glitter and dried pasta?
March 20, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Wait a minute… I thought *I* glued pasta to things better than anybody. But, if you…? Then…?
Whhaaaaaa! My ideals!
March 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 20, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I am SO in love with these weekend flashbacks, it’s bringing up hilarity that I’d totally forgotten about. Please keep them coming!
March 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Holy FUCKTASTICK! I need to download this to my ipod and just listen to it on repeat while I work the glitter magic!
March 20, 2011 at 6:00 pm
I’ve already set it to repeat endlessly while I sleep. I expect I’ll dream of glittery macaroni.
March 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm
This is my favorite post ever, without exception. Your audio clip inspired me to glitter the hell out of random apparel!
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
March 20, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Holy shitballs, that’s fantastic!
But did you wear a respirator?
March 20, 2011 at 11:39 pm
I bow before your glitterosity!
(I will not lie. I love glitter.)
March 21, 2011 at 7:24 am
It’s like it’s a giant marshmallow peep burger, all sparkly and full of squishy promise.
Very fine.
March 21, 2011 at 10:35 am
*clapping* Bravo!
March 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I feel so much better about myself now! Thanks, regretsy magic!
March 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm
March 21, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Your username is amazing.
March 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Absolutely was I made to use glitter! And that’s why vampires luv me and everyone hearts me.
March 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm
April Winchell I love you to no end. Now, thanks to this excerpt, I love myself too!
Now if the voices would just agree 0.o
March 20, 2011 at 5:05 pm
I don’t know… I felt so at peace when I listened to this. When I regained consciousness, I was wielding a hot glue gun and mumbling something about how I just KNEW the cat would look better with a sparkly pasta collar. She still won’t come near me. Here, kitty, kitty!
March 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Don’t worry, your cat is just jealous.
March 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Dear Regretsy,
just want to let you know I told my boyfriend about the term twatwaffle and now we use it affectionately. lol
sarah
March 20, 2011 at 5:19 pm
My sweetie used the term “twunt” today.
He has never read this site.
I blame myself.
March 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Thanks Regretsy! After listening to your inspirational cd I’m now attracted to women who voice over inspirational cd’s, smoke an additional pack of cigarettes a day, and enjoy blue cheese stuffed olive garnished martinis during my nightly crafting bath filled with glitter, rink-a-dinks, and broken dreams, all while enjoying the use of vagina shaped soap!
You’re so RIGHT! They ARE jealous! I highly recommend your product! Five stars!!
March 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Blue cheese stuffed olive martinis?!!! That actually sounds delicious! I am pretty toasted already, but DAMN!!! I mean DAAYYYUUUUMMM!!
March 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm
They are even better when ya stuff em with fresh blue yourself..Messy, but worth it.
Also adds to the “dirty” factor..and a “dirty and blue” martini is such a beautiful thing.
March 20, 2011 at 6:20 pm
I am, sadly allergic to bleu cheese, I say “sadly” because i ate it once (as an adult) and quite enjoyed the flavor but the after effects were … not worth it. But I started this whole (quite drunken) comment to ask… what is an “extra” pack of cigarettes? is it #3? #4? #5? not gonna lie, my smoking would make a 50′s tobacco corp. doctor say “DAY-MN!”
March 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm
@unholyghost
That would put me at about 2-1/2.
A plus is now my hacking cough is producing rainbows and my breath smells like unicorn farts!
March 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm
This reminds me of when my mother had to make a “relaxation tape” as part of a psychology class.
Not only were the breathing exercises way too slow (breathe in…. (get a sandwich)… breathe out…), but the voice she ended up using…
We called it “Casper the Sexy Ghost.”
March 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Heaps better than a bucket of CBT. Love it!
March 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm
What does it say about me that I see the acronym “CBT” and only think “Cock and Ball Torture”?
I don’t just need to get out more. I need to be going to different places.
March 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I had the same idea. What do you think the “others” mean when they say it?
March 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm
OK so , i was bored and i put the word “pain” into search at ebay. ( I have an illness that leaves me in constant pain) It is a freakin gold mine!! The first page is awesomeness!!!! Bewitched jewelry, a “pain slut” t-shirt, and a voodoo doll are just a few of the gems that await you!!!!
I Urge you guys to try it!
March 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Most likely it’s cognitive-behavioral therapy.
March 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm
OHHH
March 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm
OOOOHHHH!! and a Motley Crue LP
March 20, 2011 at 6:18 pm
I SAID NAMASTE BITCHES!!
March 21, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Jackie-0, I have a chronic pain condition too!
…Buddies?
March 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm
that is what I thought, too!
March 20, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Yeah, I saw Cock and Ball Torture, was I supposed to envision something else from that acronym?
March 20, 2011 at 8:13 pm
I feel like looking up last year’s post to see if anyone brought up CBT before…
March 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm
I’m pretty sure it means you’re a fan of Regretsy
March 20, 2011 at 5:36 pm
sweet someone who knows about cbt!
March 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm
seriously- where do i get that t-shirt?!?!?!
March 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm
here
March 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
That’s right! Everyone DOES heart my store! I WAS made to use glitter! Thanks, Regretsy! Now I have my self-respect back!
March 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I’m worried about the vampires loving me, though. I’m not in to necrophilia like those tweens in Twilight. And, no, I’m not team werewolf either, because bestiality is also not cool…
However, I do glue macaroni as if my life depended on it, so not too far off the mark…
March 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Try Facebook
March 20, 2011 at 8:14 pm
(she said in a whisper)
March 21, 2011 at 8:46 am
..a whisper containing a mixture of irritation and exasperation with a dash of resignation and a soupcon of pique.
March 21, 2011 at 10:32 am
AKA – I would like to be ridiculed then deleted.
March 20, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Is there a “You really know your Shrinky-Dinks” shirt yet?
March 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm
That was so relaxing, I crapped my pants and then shellacked the turds, put ‘em on a necklace, and sold ‘em for $20 plus shipping!!!!!!
March 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I was starting to feel really insecure about the lack of sales of my glitter macaroni portraits at the local flea market, but now I know that if I put them on Etsy, all the vampires will heart me- except the jealous ones, of course.
Thank you, Regretsy! I have my life back!
March 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm
ok. I am currently shitfaced on a Sunday night (looking at buying our first house, a 100+ fixer-upper) but I would pay $30+ for a full (60min+) version of that to listen to while I drink and refinish floors. PLEASE?
March 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Despite the risk of ending up with glittered floors and macaroni’ed walls?
March 21, 2011 at 5:15 am
or maybe because of it.
March 20, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Perhaps you should submit the idea to umiimi.com! I’d do it for you, but one of my dogs thinks it’s really funny to bark at me when I’m trying to talk, so it probably wouldn’t come out the way you want.
March 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm
I’ve been wanting a full-length version since this post originally went up. April, you have such a soothing voice — and I still nearly give myself an asthma attack laughing over “You really know your Shrinky-Dinks!” Can we have a longer version, pretty please? With glitter on top?
March 20, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I would buy a longer version! I laughed so hard I almost died.
March 20, 2011 at 6:30 pm
… AND IT’S ON SALE!
March 20, 2011 at 7:38 pm
April, your voice is so sexy!
March 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm
you are a child..of the universe…no less than the trees and the stars…you have a right to be here…
March 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm
I never clicked on the link to this shop before, but I did tonight. This person has a fix for EVERYTHING!
Smoking, self-esteem, procrastination (how’s that gonna work if you never get around to buying the CD?), weight loss, improving your golf game, you can even fix whatever’s wrong with your past lives!
You figure this gal is one of the ones you’d get if you call one of the 900 number phone sex lines?
March 20, 2011 at 8:23 pm
My mistake. If you want to love yourself, you get to listen to this guy:
WHAT A LETDOWN.
March 21, 2011 at 12:25 am
i already love myself i dont need that guy. but thats maybe because i’m a narcissist .. maybe.. right……. don’t be constrewing my words all pervy like.
March 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I find that listening to Barry White works better in acts of self-love.
March 21, 2011 at 10:52 am
True story: A couple years ago I googled “How to conquer procrastination” and saved a few of the results to the “favorites” bar on my screen… and I STILL haven’t bothered to read the damned things!
March 20, 2011 at 8:43 pm
I am a little late with this, but CBT always meant Computer Based Training to me.
March 21, 2011 at 7:47 am
That would suggest that you’ve never had the opportunity to experience the other two kinds.
You can do both together, but only Charlie Sheen can afford it.
March 21, 2011 at 11:03 am
“Piiiicture your haaapy place…”
*TZZZAP!*(cattle prod vs scrotum)
“Now tell me, when did you first have a panic attack?”
*zt!… Zt!*(zip tie tightening around penis base)
“…and what purpose did it serve for who you then were?”
*sss*(melted candle wax lands on foreskin)
March 20, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Nice article, thanks for the information.
March 20, 2011 at 9:28 pm
I really appreciated the ‘vampires love you,’ since I’m on dialysis! They really do, at least the white labcoated variety…
March 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm
Where can I get the full version? I need more affirmation of my crochet skillz.
March 20, 2011 at 11:21 pm
I would totally pay money for a longer version of this download. I heart it to glittery pieces.
March 20, 2011 at 11:26 pm
I hold in my warm, moist hands 6 little pots of glitter and a brand-new package of translucent Sculpey III. Listening to this excerpt is giving me the courage to open something.
…I think I’ll start with this bottle of vodka over here…
March 21, 2011 at 12:19 am
an excellent choice
hope you saved those receipts.
March 21, 2011 at 12:16 am
this is probably full of more horse shit than the small horse pasture I live next to…. thankyou for the audio april hehe
… oh damn i just had an ideal and, jesus H christ i need to shower to get rid of it. *shudder* or booze… but i have none.. so sad….. so very sad
in any case i already was full of bullshit, fat, and awesomesauce. all i was missing was glitter and hot glue
March 21, 2011 at 2:06 am
I want the RegretsyRelaxation cd so badly.
Also, I’m drinking ‘Rowhouse Red’ by Phila Brewing Co.
It’s my local brewery.
Best Beer!
March 21, 2011 at 2:35 am
I want the longer version on cd, and I want it now! I’d even pay in REAL MONEY to have it!
March 21, 2011 at 6:26 am
Shouldn’t the poster read “No Regrest” now?
March 21, 2011 at 8:18 am
I can use glitter multipurpose! Sparkle fairies here I come!
March 21, 2011 at 9:10 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 21, 2011 at 9:26 am
Look at the Regretsy FB page. It will reveal all.
Is there anyone on here that calls themselves Clittyglitter? I want that to be my nickname if it’s open.
March 21, 2011 at 9:44 am
Quality!
March 21, 2011 at 10:40 am
** Face – Palm. Face – Palm. Face – Palm. Face – Palm. Face – Palm. Face – Palm. **
WHY GOD, WHY?
March 21, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Good God. I go out of town for a week sans internets and I’m out of the cool kid clique. You all came up with handshakes and everything while I was gone.
March 21, 2011 at 9:27 am
GIVE ME THE SHIRT.
Seriously, how can I get the shirt… anyone??
March 21, 2011 at 9:30 am
Not only is the answer all over the site..its right above you in this thread.
March 21, 2011 at 10:40 am
Ha!
March 21, 2011 at 10:20 am
no one mentions the weirdness of self esteem on sale? does that mean you get a cheaper experience?
fits Etsy to a T: junk, cheap, junk and never listened to by an Admin (as if Admin ever paid for a product listed on Etsy, don’t they get everything for free? = you too can be an Etsy Fave?)
March 21, 2011 at 10:48 am
I have in on good authority that we’re all “terrible, jealous nobodies with bad taste and major resentment issues,” so frankly, self esteem for sale is excellent news.
Unfortunately, I’m also told we’re all broke.
March 21, 2011 at 10:43 am
10% of this thread is about the damn password and where to buy a t-shirt. Why does this irritate me so?
March 21, 2011 at 11:07 am
Well, maybe April should add an FAQ page to the website! Otherwise how are people-
Wait!*listens to earpiece*
This just in:
WE ALREADY HAVE AN FAQ PAGE
March 21, 2011 at 11:09 am
IT IS SO HARD.
March 21, 2011 at 12:53 pm
i want a namaste bitches shirt!
or as frank zappa said, “namaste away”