What a bunch of bullshit. Everyone knows there aren’t any black people in Canada.
He fucks me while im awake too? FUCKING LUCKY ME
Orrrrrr….I could just go out and get laid. For free. Tonight, not two weeks from now.
Off-topic, but I love your Alberto Vargas avatar!
Oooorrrr… she could sell you this ring!
Because apparently, you need the proper jewelery to get yourself off with.
Ah, so there is finally a high-end market for the cheap hematite rings they sell with the glittery butterfly hair clips at gas stations for $3.00.
Either way, I might need one of these before all of that….
Or do the rings and amulets also provide a Glamor effect to mask one’s unsightly person?
I love the item title of that one:
“Hematitie (rhymes with itty-bitty-tittie) Band Ring imbued for Instense (Regretsy Math: Intense + Instant + Incense = It Vibrates and Smells Like Sex) self-gratification”
With no gage for the size, it’s not clear what this ring goes on…
Is it sad my first reaction was “Six bucks for USA SHIPPING? Jebus, I just shipped a bigger-than-jewelry box from US to Canada yesterday and it was about $3.”
not that far off topic (snicker)
Does this vessel come in the form of a vibrator?
Maybe that’s the vessel he comes “bound” to.
You pay her money, give her your address, and she directs a rapist to your house? :S
chloriform first,then rape, then awaits your awakening to rape you again…
Canadian cloriform is Labatt’s.
I also highly doubt he will wait for you to awaken…more likely to watch hockey, eh?
Holy shit! It’s like you just scripted my last relationship.
There was a Kids in the Hall sketch about that…
sounds like an upcoming episode of criminal minds or CSI
But they’re pretty busy, so it could take a few weeks to round a good one up.
Oh, eek! Those are not his hands!
Seller: “Get in the bottle demon. You’ve been sold.”
Demon: “No. I want a Mason jar.”
“Full of dead Italian bees.”
Okay, all this talk of bees compels me to link you guys to the funniest damn story involving bees and Tim Curry that I have ever heard: http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/5989568.html
I got the mental image of a Mason jar full of demonic-looking bees.
Demonic-looking bees with big naughty bits.
… Italian Penis Bees?
With crocheted antenna warmers.
Slap some old recycled cog pieces on the bees and you could sell that shit for 40 bucks, just label it “Steampunk Vintage UPCYCLED Flower Fornicators”
Aren’t bees more likely to have bajinjos than succubi?
A hollow buttplug full of live bees with a chrysanthemum stopper.
Cha-ching! That oughta make it rain!
And make your delivery person curious.
As soon as I get home,I’m getting a jar and some dust and list it. Please allow two weeks for completion of your very special jar o’ dust.
If I paid extra, would you paint your nails and clip them into the jar? My living room is painted lime green, so it would have to be a color that complements that. xxoo!!!!
A jar of dirt you say?
60$ seems pretty steep to pretend you’re being raped by a ghost.
Too rich for my blood.
I dunno… you’re definitely getting fucked over, even if nobody else can see how.
I remember reading a long time ago that in the south, “Canadian” was becoming slang for “Black,” especially when it comes to waiting tables and racist assholes. As in, “You take those Canadians at table six, they never tip.”
It happens up here by Chicago way too – “Damn, look at all the Canadians!” Maybe it’s just a server thing??
He fucks you when you’re sleeping.
He fucks when you’re awake.
He’ll fuck you if you’ve been bad or good.
So buy him, for fuck’s sake…
Thank you for this. You rock.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Sorry, it’s NSFW…
He can’t be Canadian; no Canadian with an ounce (29.57 ml) of self-preservation would go about in March in THAT outfit. Frostbite much? Sheesh!
reminds me of that special on travel channel, “ghostly lovers”
That was quality entertainment. The one that puzzled me the most was the lady who had an incorporeal affair with her husband after he died. I don’t want to have sex with my husband now, I’m thinking that after he dies I can finish amassing my cat collection and stop feigning headaches and menstrual cramps. If his poltergeist tries to cop a feel, I’m gonna be PISSED.
Canadian Incubus? This explains Bieber Fever.
Something about the idea of the Biebs as an incubus just makes me shudder, and definitely not in the good way.
$60 for this experience??? sign me up!
$59.99 seems like an oddly low price for my own sex demon. I think this might be a Chinese reseller.
You’ll need the extra cash to replace your wardrobe from all the ripping off of your clothing.
My mom says there’s a lot of black people in China.
(Are the thumbs seriously telling me there aren’t any South Park fans that go back to season 2? Screw you guys, I’m unsubscribering.)
*I* got the reference, and laughed my ass off. Of course, our yellow lab puppy’s name is Butters…..so yeah….
I just find this really disgusting. All those poor incubii and succubii, bound to cheap pieces of jewellery for eternity, forced to sexually satisfy your average Etsy customer… it gives me the creeps!
Actually, the ones that are already in jewelry are NOT cheap…
They are. She just chooses to charge ten times what they’re worth (sterling silver? REALLY?).
Two weeks to complete?
Send me one that goes for….eh…5-10 minutes or so. I aint that young anymore!
What the hell do you actually GET if you buy this?? Geesh.
You get a dude with girl hands.
I also can’t seem to figure it out…
It’s a prostitution ring. The “vessel” that you get to choose is a man. I imagine she asks you what physical characteristics you’re interested in, and sends the closest thing…not that I know from personal experience.
Lovin’ the disclaimer! Its basically, “As long as you are 18 and accept the risks, you can have this ‘spirit’ which I don’t guarantee will work, but you should have figured this out because these are ‘for entertainment purposes only’.”
Disclaimer: You must be at least 18 years old to make this purchase. By purchasing our products and/or metaphysical services, you do so at your own risk. Items and services are for entertainment only. We are not liable for misuse of products or service and do not guarantee any product to work magically. Products and services are not a substitute for professional, legal, medical, financial or psychiatric advice or care.
“Medical or psychiatric”? What? Is this demon a witch doctor, too?
Ting tang walla walla bing bang, bitchez.
In this case, more like “ting tang walla walla big wang.” And bound to a mason jar.
This is the funniest thang I’ve read all day!
Mocha out the nose. This comment almost killed me.
Magic isn’t guaranteed? What’s next…don’t tell me the Easter bunny won’t be coming this year. Well, he might, if he buys this.
I’ll sell you an Easter Bunny in a mason jar for $40. An extra $10 if you want googly eyes.
Only if the Easter Bunny is in good dead condition.
Um, anyone else out there ever read Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill??
Yeah – read it myself….and uh, I am SO not buying any shit that somehow claims to have ghosts, demons, spirits, etc, attached.
Does it also come with the necessary antibiotics for after you use said “service”? This sonds to me like she is offering a happy ending for her.
Damn, I can’t type! sounds, sounds, sounds!!!
Is it cheating if the other person is a demon?
Also, only sixty dollars? Come on, I’ve seen shit worth 250.00 on etsy
just how many hands does said demon have? the ones be hind his back and the ones growing out of his belly. ack
I just realized that
I had a lover like that once. All hands and no thrust.
What about for the straight fellas or lesbian ladies? Does this seller also bind succubi to vessels? And what gives this person the power over demons in the first place? Do we have some kinda crazy Faustian hootenanny going on here?
So many questions.
I was just about to comment on that, inmediares. Not only is it spiritual slave labour, it’s discriminating too!
(Though I’m sure the seller will bind me a cute small-breasted redhead nympho if I ask nicely).
Actually, come to think of it, this person knows what they’re talking about even less than I initially figured – after all, they call it a “male incubus.” Incubi are always male.
And you’re right about the spiritual slave labour. I say we start a union movement for the sex(y) demons of the world. They deserve fair compensation and better accommodation! Mason jars, pfft.
Ashlee is a bisexual female astral love slave.
She has her own chosen vessel, though – a pendant featuring a vulva-tactic flower. Made of, I shit you not, “Lucite and Vintage.”
This item includes a charm to keep you from having your body taken over by the creature. Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Horny, just what I want to find on Etsy…
There are a lot of Jamaicans in Toronto.
Made out of vintage? This explains everything! All this time, we’ve been ragging on people who claim their obviously new-ish stuff is vintage, but it turns out “vintage” is actually some sort of material.
It would cost twice as much if it were made out of win.
Win is a prohibited material on Etsy. Any items containing it will be removed or sold at the earliest opportunity.
It’s congealed hipster tears. Kinda like amber – some of it even comes with prehistoric bees in it.
Let us not forget- if you are a woman, she can make you so good in bed that all the guys will be talking about you. By telling you the sexual secrets of the cosmos.
And all for just $369!
Or the sexual secrets of the Cosmos? Like the answer to every crappy multiple choice sex test?
About “Ashlee”: “She has zero preference and no standards because she was crafted to be that way. So, even if you think you are the ugliest duckling, Ashlee will think you are beautiful. C’est la vie!!”
Oh, wow. Just what I was looking for in an astral sex slave.
Just remember, the spirit with a slit’s in the bottle with the twat, while the demon with the semen’s in the chalice with a phallus, (and the tube with the lube’s in the drawer by the door).
“Oh, forget it! Just kill them both!”
Then Danny Kaye’s spirit would be bound in a pendant and given to Glynnis Johns… Or Basil Rathbone.
Basil’s in the castle fucking Danny in the fanny.
Godammit. That was my third pair of panties today.
“Faustian Hootenanny.” Tee hee…I have to remember that.
What if a woman gets a gay incubus, or a man gets a straight one? Poor spirit has to slave away, servicing someone not to his tastes. Definitely need to start that union.
But this is Regretsy. Taste doesn’t even enter into the picture.
What the shit is THIS???
It’s the scent of a well hung Bermuda vampire.
Some people need everything explained to them…
Oooooohhh. Thanks. I guess I was so overwhelmed by the scent that I lost the ability to read for a moment.
Huh, those appear to be perfumes from a perfumer based in Bermuda (http://www.lilibermuda.com/, though the picture shows their old style of boxes – I’m a local who remembers these things). I’d say reseller, but I am just too confused.
Just WTF – how is this handmade, Etsy?
If that question has an answer, do we really want to know it?
lol it seems to be oliander. Who knew a well hung vampire would smell so boring?
I noticed that too, especially this line:
“I did not test this item because I stick to white men only in my dating concerns…”
Not even ghosts or spirits or whatever get a pass on her racism?
See now, I would wear some of this stuff. But NOT if there is a freakin’ werewolf infesting it! I have my cats to think about. How am I gonna explain to the vet that my pendant ate my cat? Hmmm?
They lost me… I mean had me… at Sexual.
Has this listing sold yet? Because you know it will.
$60 to use my imagination? Am I reading that right?
I’ll pay you $50 to not use random capitalization…
She’ll still have conned you out of 10 dollars.
Somehow, the idea of binding an Incubus to one of the many cross pendents in her shop seems wrong on so many levels.
Binding it to a polymer vagina might have been a better choice, or even a steampunk octopus for some good old fashioned tentacle rape.
How is ANYTHING signed by Jessica Simpson VINTAGE! For the love of tuna! I give up. This shop is the epitome of Fuckery in my mind.
When did Jessica Simpson learn to sign her name?
Okay, I read the listing, and it is not tagged as Vintage (because Jessica herself is barely vintage), so that makes it Handmade. The part that makes it handmade is that she’s imbuing it with 15 blessings–YOUR CHOICE.
I bet you if I report this to Etsy as violating the TOU they will counter with that argument.
I think Jessica Simpson should buy it and see if it could be imbued with a new career.
I bet if you report this to Etsy, they’ll delete you and your whole family.
“K”? Yeah,that’s what I just said.
But he’s from American! That doesn’t appeal to you?
She also sells little evil-eye charms:
for $37.50 a bead.
you can buy 20 of them for a total of $8.00 from this etsy seller:
or 500 for $12.00 here:
But hers have SPELLS n shit cast on them. Well, not literal shit… wait, I can’t prove that.
“No spirit rocks here, my spirits enjoy jewelry pieces for both males and females, although they wouldn’t mind a spirt stone if thats your preference!”
Is that a rock in your pocket,or is your demon just happy to see me?
What’s wrong with spirit rocks?
Frankly, I’d prefer my demon incubus to be somewhat down-to-earth.
She sells some really interesting stuff…. but I have some questions;
1 – What on earth does a “Well Hung Bermuda Vampire” smell like?
2 – Why spend $179 on a “cooking witch” when you can get a cookbook for $19.99?
3 – Does the Male Werewolf pick up his own poopies in the back yard?
4 – Will the merman splash if I keep him in the bathtub and can he be trained to scrub out the shower?
5 – Can the psychic horse tell me where the Hay is?
6 – Can I get my demon semen in “husky nerd”?
you missed: http://www.etsy.com/listing/69801197/give-him-wood
“Well Hung Bermuda Vampire” smells like a Yankee Candle. Preferably,coconut.
She doesn’t know what exactly the well-hung Bermuda vampire smells like, because if you read the description, she hasn’t tried it out – she only dates white dudes, ergo she cannot possibly be brought to the level of smelling the essence of a well-hung Bermuda vampire.
I thought “husky nerd” was bronc drywall?
I thought CANADIAN incubi looked like Bob and Doug Mackenzie? Perhaps there is a toque on his head, but its cut off in the photo? Does it take 2 week for custom orders because it takes her that long to stop laughing at you and mail you whatever it is you actually get?
I didn’t realize incubi had nationalities. Seeing as they’re demons, I didn’t think they gave a damn about geographical borders.
NAFTA has much further reaching consequences than we thought.
Damn Republicans. Even our demons have been outsourced!
Tagging like this DOES help. A Canadian sex demon is much more likely to prefer the doggie-style position, enabling you BOTH to watch the hockey game while getting laid.
Apparently, demons do have nationalities, but “sexually charged” mermen do not.
Démons sans frontières?
“Products and services are not a substitute for professional, legal, medical, financial or psychiatric advice or care.”
What?! You mean my demon rapist can’t diagnose strep throat or help me get out of that pesky Disorderly Conduct charge? What the hell am I paying the $60 for?
Looked at her profile. Girl’s got no back story. How you supposed to buy voodoo from a girl with no story?
I already have a favorite voodoo supply site – luckymojo.com. The proprietor is Kat Wyronwode and if you’re a comix aficionado or a fan of Will Eisner then you may recognize her name. Her back story is fabulous, a hippie dippy dream come true. And even if you’re not shopping for voodoo, you gotta love a person who decorates her cars like this:
My car (it’s a Taurus) would look like that if I could just find the right glue.
Oh man, I’m totally getting the werewolf! No wait..the merman! Gah! I can’t decide!
The merman would just be fun to look at – after all, he’s got a fish tail. All he’s capable of is salmon-like spawning. What a waste.
Maybe they can shapeshift their fins into legs, like Darryl Hannah in Splash. BTW, if I ordered a merman, would I need a pool to keep him in?
He’s got a tongue and doesn’t breathe air. What waste?
Phenomenal carnal power…
Iiiiitty-bitty living space.
I just got that. Ha!
Aladdin reference FTW!
Pssh. A case of beer is $24 and guarantees I get some tonight, not two weeks from now.
Hell, if I really wanted some demon semen in my life, I’d head down to the nearest punk show and offer up a night sleeping on my couch in exchange for sex.
If you go to a biker bar in a low cut shirt, you can get free drinks AND free demon sex.
Well, there’s my friday night planned! Highfive!
a.k.a. “How I met my husband.”
Really? S**t! I obviously live in the wrong country.
Canadians aren’t really known for their skill in the bedroom are they?. I’d want the spirit of Marcello Mastroianni. And my vessel of choice is a jar of zombie Italian bees.
Mostly, we keep our incredible sexual prowess on the downlow. If other countries knew the truth, immigration to Canada would go waaaay up…and we don’t like to be crowded.
I dated a Canadian for awhile…that is sooooo true. It was totally worth the 6-hour drive every other month and the weather.
Clearly someone hasn’t known (Biblically-speaking) any Canadians. What else do you think we do with 6 months of winter?
This just seems like another way to get around the reselling rule.
“Oh, no, it isn’t just crappy jewelry I bought on Ebay and am reselling… see, it’s really handmade because I’m BINDING A SPIRIT TO IT.”
Really looks like a reselling loophole to me. Only illogical fools believe in psychics and spells and astrology and that crap.
If she’s really psychic there’s a $1 million prize waiting for her to claim: http://www.randi.org/site/index.php/1m-challenge.html
Oh but see those tests are BIASED. Because they use actual facts and observation and scientific method. Spirits don’t, like, work that way.
Or something. I can’t figure out how the goalpost gets moved but it always does.
There’s always the angle of “Oh but I’m not in it for money.” If that’s so, stop charging sixty bucks for bullshit.
I paid a chick $30 for a 20 minute reading ala John Edwards….bitch, no I don’t know anyone named Alice, Ken, Jennifer or Bianca. She “observed through her spirit aids” that I was raised in the south….of course, the accent didn’t give that away at ALL, did it?
I went to a palm-reader in Harvard Square once, holding hands and being all lovey-dovey with my (now) husband (we’d been dating a few months at a time). Anyone who could read any amount of body language at all (or who had 29.57 ml of sense) could see we were a couple. Her first question to me was, “Is that your father?”
I went to a psychic who told me she sensed I was an artist, and went on to say (among other things that I have since forgotten) that I spend too much time trying to please other people and it’s time to focus on my needs for a change.
The artist thing is true, but kind of a no-brainer considering the way I look and dress. The “take some you time” thing sounds like a generic, flattering line that’d work for anyone – I mean, who would hear that and go “No, you’re wrong, I’m actually a self-centred bitch”?
I believe that telepathy (and other powers) may well exist. I don’t, however, believe any of the people who do it for money are legit. If anyone out there is the real deal, they’re probably hiding out hoping scientists don’t dissect them.
I once paid for a psychic reading during a very low period of my life. The psychic told me I was being haunted by an evil spirit I had picked up in New Orleans and she would clear it away for $XXX.XX additional dollars. I actually showed up with the money at the appointed time and place, only half out of curiosity. Bitch didn’t even bother showing up to finish the con.
Little did I know that I could have been taken in from the comfort of my own home, over the internet! Think of all the money I could have blown.
I can’t speak for scientists as a whole, but I’d be willing to bet that dissection isn’t necessary. Just some actual proof that they can do what they claim to do will be ample.
I don’t know if this particular one is trying to make a loophole, but sadly, these so-called “spirit-bound” or magic (I refuse to add a k to that word) objects are suddenly all over the place. Tons on e-bay, and in other shops around the ‘net.
(I only know of that place because of a forum post I saw where a girl had just ordered a dragon, but she already had a unicorn, and was worried that they’d fight…or something like that…for the sake of my sanity I refuse to remember details.)
Silly. It’s LIONS and Unicorns what fight.
The lion and the unicorn
Were fighting for the crown
The lion beat the unicorn
All around the town.
Some gave them white bread,
And some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum cake
and drummed them out of town.
They should drum the seller out of town. Without any bread or plum cake.
For some reason, this made me think of Lewis Black’s “If it wasn’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college” bit.
But why would she want to go into such ellaborate detail just for a loophole? It’s more than obvious that you can resell on Etsy with absolutely no trouble or consequences!
Oh man, that priest was right- having orgasms while I sleep DOES mean I’m possessed. I guess I have to give that witch my first born after all.
There are other alternatives, don’t be so hasty!
Simply pass the child under a cow three times and the demon will leave.
So what happens when you are done with this demonic incubi? You know….when you get a real boyfriend or get right with the Lord? Will she sent you a priest to perform an exorcism? or does the little devil stay confined to his jewel, say, to be handed down to the next lucky recipient?
I vote for casting Jamie Lee Curtis in the movie version.
She’s a great actress, and if you’ve got a demon up your butt she has a yogurt that will help get it moving…
Then you resell him on ebay or craigslist. But not Etsy! Reselling doesn’t happen on Etsy.
Unless you can call it vintage.
He waits for me to awaken so I can enjoy his love making..
Can I at least brush my teeth first?
Now I’ve got this mental picture of a Demon Personification hurrying you to the bathroom so he can jam a toothbrush in your mouth, while running a brush through your hair, all in an effort to get laid.
“Hurry, hurry, hurry! I’m on a schedule here!”
You’re assuming he’d be anywhere near your mouth…
Wow. She even has a Bargain Magick section in the store.
As if anyone in there right mind would buy Bargain Magicks? You get a seller who substitutes arrow root for slippery elm bark, and the next thing you know, you’re having sex with something that looks like Cthulhu’s first cousin.
Hoodoo Bajingo Wash!
Cause I’ve got some evil that needs banishing “down there”
I thought that’s what antibiotics were for.
I just want to punch her in her mystical cooter now
Oh my god! Hahahaha! Now I do,too!
don’t be mean-spirited
10,000 times stronger than any Jinn and able to make your dreams cone true.
Clearly unnecessary. Three or four gins and I’ll be willing to make a lot of dreams come true – it wouldn’t take over nine thousand more to do all of them…
If you go to the bottom of this one, it says: Is this auction calling to you – sound familiar? It is also Rare, in case you didn’t notice.
Someone even more OCD than me needs to check back in a year to make sure she updated the dragon’s age from 777 to 778 – and write her a complaint email if she hasn’t.
“he is a very loyal companion and not only does She bring you and your protection but will bring riches beyond your dreams.”
So is it male or female?
Also, is it an Asian or a European dragon? Two vastly different types of dragons are shown. I demand TRUTH in my metaphysical/magical advertising!
Hey, if you wanna lift the tail and check, be my guest!
Hell, if I take enough of my legally prescribed amphetamine tablets, I could be embodying spirits into random objects too!
Is this a $3 marshmallow? http://www.etsy.com/listing/69944852/homemade-hoodoo-confusion-incense-2oz
Yes. And I officially hate these whimsical fuckery people.
I think I figured out why Charlie Sheen is winning. He bought this:
I went to elementary school with TWO black people! I’m from Canada. There you go guys We can start a totally official Regretsy Census! Canadians who know black people, report!
I’m pretty sure one of them went to the US to go to University and now works and lives down there though… does that still count? He still roots for our hockey team…
I live in Ontario…there are several black people here.
The first time I went to Toronto was the week after the Just Desserts robbery/murders. It was weird seeing panic-induced racism in Canada.
If he has FOUR arms, then he must have at least a couple of ”vessels of pleasure…”
Yeah sure, like I want that showing up in the next Google search for my name…
I’m halfway tempted to buy this just because I hold the faintest hope that there really is fucktastic magic in the world.
You can get it for much cheaper, and with multiple settings.
*Cough* Oscar Peterson *Cough*
(or does that not count because he’s currently deceased?)
This makes me think she’s alienating the Twilight market. Don’t they have a movie coming out soon? She could be selling Forks wolf spirits if she was smart.
Like, all us Canadians are sexually insatiable and Programmed to rip your clothes off and Make love to you, eh? I don’t know what the big deal is eh? But like, this whole waiting until you’re awake thing? I don’t have time for that sorta stuff eh?
Oh, so *that’s* poutine.
i dont even get what this is?
It’s a nothing. You have to buy a vessel–anything from her shop–and also pay an extra $60 to pretend there’s a demon in it.
how is that even… what?
And luckily for me, she also offers layaway!
“After careful consideration on my part I have decided to allow layaway on purchases of $100 or more. A non refundable and non transferrabl deposit of 25% must be made at time of purchase, please wait for an invoice from me for this. Payments can be made at your leisure over a 2 month priod, however every paypal payment will incur an additional $.50 fee to cover there fees. Please let m know when you are finished shopping so I can send you the combined inb=voice. Free goodies are always included in every order as my token of appreciation!Please msg me with any questions. Thanks!”
You can put a demon on layaway?
It’s just like buying a demon at K Mart.
In addition to layaway, she also offers free shipping if you’re gullible enough to buy over $25 worth of stuff. Be sure to use code freeship 25!
No, silly! She is going to send you a four-armed black demon from Canada to whip you into a come frenzy. He’ll jump fully-formed out of a totally ugly necklace. I personally am stoked about the merman because he can clean the bathroom.
Can we file this one in Annoying Descriptions?
“HAUNTED VAMPIRE SPIRIT – TRUE BLOOD LINE VAMPYRE NOT TWILIGHT”
Funny, because as the description goes on it starts to sound a LOT like Twilight.
Mixed with Battlefield Earth.
Buy the same thing for less: http://www.early2bed.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=MARY&Category_Code=HASV
I’ve finally decided.
I’m having my demon incubus bound to my future casket so I’ll have a Plan B in case the whole “everlasting bliss in Heaven” thing doesn’t work out for me.
Jealous you didn’t think of it first? You are? Good.
Anyone else reminded of the Cherokee Hair Tampons episode of South Park?
…or you could just live in a bad neighborhood and leave your door open at night.
Can’t decide whether this is an admirable attempt to externalise, commodify and monetise her psychosis, or just the biggest bunch of god-awful bullshit. But I do have a low tolerance for fantasy-lit.
I really think this site needs a shop and in that shop to sell a shirt that says, “I do my shopping at Regretsy.” Because I would so buy one.
A shirt. I’d buy a shirt.
Yeah. And then…
And then I’d get a demon incubus bound to it. I’m sure the seller would do special orders. It would be great fun at parties and family get-togethers.
“Ban, what’s that thing following you around and rubbing itself up against your grandmother in a suggestive manner?”
“Oh, that’s just my incubus.”
“Wow, maybe I should shop at Regretsy, too!”
I`m sure the investigators from the show Ghost Hunters would appreciate this.
`Tonight on T.A.P.S: The Case of the Allegedly Horny Etsy Demon`
“Hello ladies. Look at your man, now back to this incubus, now back at your man, now back to this incubus, sadly he isn’t me, but for $60USD I’ll *fingerquote* ‘possess’ him.
I’m on a unicorn.”
Someone oughta explain to her what a Mountie really is.
With all that is horribly, horribly wrong with this post, I can’t believe what I’m getting stuck on the redundancy of saying “Male Incubus”.
Well, that, and how the seller managed to capture a non-corporeal demon on film in what looks suspiciously like a photo shoot with professional models…
Well, this is a life saver. I had my own sex demon in a jar, but I misplaced him when I moved. I can’t imagine where he is, though my friend drove by my old place once and called me to report he could hear the new tennant screaming with a peculiar mix of horror and joy, so I think I may have left him under the sink next to the booze. Anyway, I really need a new one.
So she’s buying cheap costume jewelry at garage sales, increasing the price by a proposterous sum, claiming that it will give you sexual pleasure, and selling it on Etsy?
After the jar of bees, I thought I’d seen it all, but this just ups the Derp Factor by at least 50%.
I especially like the fact that she also sells them on bonanza for 1/30th of the etsy price.
As well as back before she tried all of the magifuckery:
*sad headshake* A tragic downward spiral.
Her eBay auctions are still very active, with feedback posted yesterday.
She’s posting the the costumey crap on eBay, and the “witchy” stuff on Etsy.
Someone just might throw Samy D. into a binding spell and see what happens.
So, who’s in to order a gross of UNIQUE bonded incubi octopi pendants?
I am now pondering the origins of the word “incubate”.
Turns out they’re related…but the “bate” doesn’t seem to mean what I hoped it did.
Cool! I’m totally into word origins too.
Dammit, the husband says I can’t have this. I guess one male incubus is enough. Except that one was from Ebay.
If you’re husband’s not cooperating, this seller also offers “tame your man incense”.
I want a custom conjuration right this minute!
Prostitutes had to do something, they can’t post on craigslist anymore.
I don’t recall the ‘Spiritual Endangerment’ category on Etsy…
Okay, since you can pick your own vessel, I looked for listings of vessels, thinking “containers” & didn’t see any. One listing she says “my spirits enjoy jewelry pieces for both males and females.” So she wants you to also buy some of her crappy jewelry to keep the “demon” in, too? Sheesh. “Normal just doesn’t explain it” is right.
So wait, what exactly do you get for your 60 bucks? Besides swindled, I mean.
Something I just thought of, how is the demon going to get through immigration? Or would it be customs because he’s bound to crappy jewelry?
Do ya wanna have ya know marital relations, hey? We can get a couple of mooseheads, and listen to some Paul Anka or watch some hockey, hey. We can get intimate between the periods, hey? What do you say, hey?
Intimate between the periods?
Isn’t that how most women do it?
Of course. For vampires.
Psh…typical…I want a succubus and all they have on hand are incubi…I guess I’ll be taking my business elsewhere.
I wish they would specify which province the incubus is from.
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