wtf??? I never make bones about how there is better stuff out there,also I don’t have an etsy account,mostly because I can’t as of now keep up with work and increase my crochet/knit output, but HOW DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THAT FOLKS WANT TO BUY THIS SHITE?!? Also, how is it that none of these fukkers seem to be able to spell or use spell check…dumb asses…
Agreed, I’m from redneck country myself (my neck is just a pinkish mauve at this point, cause i can haz learning) and this isn’t redneckese. It’s a combination of illiteracy and teenager text type.
I think the translation is “Wah wah wah I’m a spoiled brat so I’m going to type in all caps so people take me seriously.” Unfortunately I left my Spoiled Illiterate Brat Dictionary at the Rock-A-Belly wedding I attended last week.
South Texas dialing in to say that, if that’s a dialect of Redneck, it’s sure not OUR dialect of Redneck, and we don’t know what the f*ck she’s talking about, either.
The country would be a lot better off if only us rednecks were capable of functional illiteracy like this. Language choice makes me think the writer is white but this level of, er, command of the English language could’ve just as easily come from the ghetto, the barrio, or the reservation. Sad any way you look at it.
I am now slogging through etsy trying to find a seller with horrible descriptions and who uses the word “peice”. Maybe if I do a keyword search using some of the spellings in her email…(drums fingers together while menacingly raising one eyebrow).
We could have a winner: http://www.etsy.com/shop/LavenderRoseDesigns Since it’s not in all caps, it’s harder to appreciate, but there are numerous misspellings and juxtaposed letters.
Is it this person? Not as many misspellings as in the email, but when you factor in anger, maybe? Especially since English does not seem to be this sellers first (or second) language.
That MitchRobot4 seller with the decapitating dinosaurs is hilarious and awesome! Favorite quote of the day from his canned tarantula post: http://www.etsy.com/listing/68972374/tarantula?ref=v1_other_1
is
‘these make great conversation pieces: “hey man this rhubarb and strawberry jam tastes like spiders”‘
Some good things come from CREASE AND DESIST lehturs when the lawyer cake they’re sent from has a candied spider on top!
It looks like she spell checked her profile page, but the descriptions for her individual “peices” look a lot like the note. And not surprisingly, her “art” is hideous.
@searingflesh55, because there’s no more darn nesting in this thread:
The Velociraptor guy DOES have a great description!
“DO NOT ASK FOR CUSTOM PICTURES OF PUPPIES OR BABIES OR FLOWERS. or you will be sent a picture of a veliciraptor eviscerating a human baby. but if thats actually what you want ill do it. no really, name your dinosaur, send me the $30 and its all yours.
otherwise, like i said, if you’re looking for pictures of like landscapes or babies, other tooti-fruity stuff like that, type in “miniature pincher painting” in the search and one of those assholes can probably do it.”
I’m also considering sending the Velociraptor guy a special request for a Doberman Pinscher barbecuing a T-Rex on a spit, just based on his awesome description, plus I like his style.
I need to sell a couple more prints of my own before I can justify spending $30 on it though.
I think we’re all over thinking the search here… My guess is that these “peices” were featured over on the Facebook side of things, so that should narrow the search?
On another note, I can’t see the term “layers” without thinking about photoshop… does she do some kind of Level 6 digital art?
And I totally want to order something from MitchRobot4. I’m think I should just let his imagination run with it because he could probably come up with something way more fucked up and awesome than I ever could!
Postmenopaws (naturally hairless)
March 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm
*GASP* Curse this near-poverty! I want just about anything by mitchrobot4 (the “Velociraptor guy”). A skanky mermaid with ick. A flayed squid. Hell, if not for the whole…’paws…thing, I’d have his babies just so he could pickle them for me. <3 <3 <3
A worried person and customer told me that one of my art pieces were featured on your sight, Regretsy. I spent the entire night looking through your disgusting site, looking for my piece. I did not find the piece. Maybe you already took it down because you are a coward. I do not know what piece you posted, but do not ever, ever, put it back up again. I am not afraid to use a lawyer, and I will give you a cease and desist, and you will be out of business. I am quite serious about this, and I will be reading your site every day to see if you have violated this order, and I will have all of my friends and family read the site to check up on you also. Do not try it.
Actually, “site” (website) instead of “sight” (eyesight). Goodness, the original letter really *does* sound almost fake – at least she’s consistent in her bad spelling?
Yeah, I noticed that I missed one instance of “sight”, but unfortunately I can’t edit. And should I have corrected “were” to “was”, or should I leave the mistake in? It’s a tough call. Overall, I feel that the corrections take away the spirit of the peiec. The sense of volated outrage doesn’t come through until you read about the dicusting sight, Regresty.
I just learned by way of a customer about your site, Regretsy. I looked through your site and didn’t see a single one of my pieces. I challenge you to put one up, by calling you a coward and offering faint threats of lawyers. I will be reading your site every day to see if you finally featured one of my works on your site. I need all the publicity I can get. Hop to. Try it.
I went back and read this, using your translation as a handy guide, and found that I could miraculously understand what she was saying! I imagine I could’ve gotten the same result with a fifth of vodka and a bottle of Valium, but I’m fresh out of Valium.
Ruh Roh… this person wants to increase your readership! RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Please tell me this is a troll e-mail, because I just can’t convince my brain that anyone is honestly that terrible at… well, everything relating to language.
Also: a layer of what? An onion? Hair? Skin? Or is this a “layer” as in “Buffay the Vampire Layer”?
Even if you couldn’t, there are measures to keep you from embarrassing yourself like that. My computer has this amazing feature called ‘spell check.’ It really is the bees’ knees!
Most email programs have a spell check.
Maybe there should also be a breathalyzer attached so you have to score below legal limit before you hit send? It might save people some embarrasment.
As usual, Google already offers this! Check out “Google Goggles” – after a certain time of day, gmail makes you perform basic arithmetic in a short amount of time before it will send your email. It’s a free optional add-on to their email service.
I have used it for years. Unfortunately, however, it didn’t stop me from getting raging drunk after finding my boyfriend cheating on me, and sending him a furious late-night email with the aid of my calculator. I should have just sent a layer over instead, to tell him to crease and desist that fuckery.
Aw, I was disappointed to find out that this feature is actually called “Math Goggles.” “Google Goggles” is a mobile app that lets you identify places, translate text on items, and something else I didn’t bother to read by using your camera on your droid.
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT IM GOING TO BE GIVING YOUR SITE EVEN MORE TRAFFIC ON A DAILY BASIS AS A PUNISHMENT TO YOU I KNOW YOU HATE IT WHEN MORE PEOPLE LOOK AT YOUR WEBSITE
The first sentence has a number of words that are correct, including whole phrases. Then it just kind of falls off the derp end. Possibly someone was drinking while typing very, very slowly?
Business. All that shite and she spelled business correctly. I think that made me laugh the hardest – as often as that’s misspelled, I pictured her using the dictionary to get that 1 word right. You know, so she didn’t look sutpide.
At least you will get more traffic since they will be regularly visiting your site! They will be hooked before long and tell all their friends about it.
A WORRIED PERSON AND CUSTOMER TOLD ME THAT ONE OF MY ART PIECES WERE FEATURED ON YOUR SITE, REGRETSY….. I SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT LOOKING THROUGH YOUR DISGUSTING SITE LOOKING FOR MY PIECE….. I DID NOT FIND THE PIECE….. MAYBE YOU ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN BECAUSE YOU ARE A COWARD…. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT PIECE YOU POSTED BUT DO NOT EVER, EVER PUT IT BACK UP AGAIN….I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE A LAWYER AND I WILL GIVE YOU A CEASE AND DESIST AND YOU WILL BE OUT OF BUSINESS…. I AM QUITE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND I WILL BE READING YOUR SITE EVERY DAY TO SEE IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED THIS ORDER AND I WILL HAVE ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY READ THE SITE TO CHECK UP ON YOU ALSO….DO NOT TRY IT
And now I’m going to go take a shower and cry and try to forget how easily I could read this.
I remember reading an article recently that showed that humans have an innate ability to take jumbled or partial words and fix them while reading. I wish I could find the link, because this person’s letter is a classic example. However, it sure doesn’t make proofreading any easier…
It’s because we don’t read each letter. We read each word as a whole. If all the correct letters are there, then we see what the word should be. I’m a proofreader by trade (and hobby!) and this is the biggest stumbling block I know.
On the plus side, icanhazcheezburger’s irreverent use of the English language now looks like highly intellectual literature in comparison. So there’s that.
So, with translation I obviously thought the best place to go would be Babelfish. I went through various languages trying to find out what it says. The best I got was German to English. Enjoy:
A WORRIED PERSON AND OF CSUTOMER TOLD ME THAT ONE OF MY KIND PIECES WERE FEATURED ON YOU’ RH SIGHT, REGRETSY …… TO I DONATE TEH ENTIRE NOGHT LOOKING THROUGH YOU’ RH DISCUSTING SIGHT LOOKING FOR MY PEICE…. TO I DID EMERGENCY FIND THE PEICE…. MAYBE YOU ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN BECAUSE YOU OF ACRES A CWOARD…. I D EMERGENCY KNWO WHAT PEIEC YOU POSTD BUT DO EMERGENCY EVER, EVER PUT IT BAKE UP AGAIN…. I AT EMERGENCY THE AFRAID TON OF USE A LAYER AND I WANTS GIVE YOU A CREASE…. I AT THE QUIET SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND I WANTS FUEL ELEMENT READING YOU’ RH SIGHT EVERY DAY TON LAKE IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED THIS ORDER AND I WANTS HAVE UNIVERSE OF MY FRENDS AND FMILY READ TEH SITE TON OF CHECKS UP ON YOU THUS…. DO EMERGENCY TRY IT
Another good one: Portuguese to English (just the highlights on this one):
MAYBE YOU ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN BECAUSE YOU PLOUGHS THE CWOARD ….. I AM NOT AFRAID YOU USES LAYER AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE CREASE…. I WILL BE READING YOU’ REVERSE SPEED SIGHT EVERY DAY YOU SEE IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED THIS ORDER
No no no no!!! I’m Portuguese…please don’t be offencive!
But, this could have been written by my 6 year old son, who is just learning.
Don’t you just love hate mail??? And kudos to the HULK post.
It isn’t meant to be offensive at all. It’s using random languages to see which “translation” turned out the funniest. German and Portuguese were the funniest. NBD.
this is clearly a case of ragebonics… where someone has lost complete control of their brain to finger connection. That said, this is flippin hilarious!
As a regular reader of stfu tumblers and the comments on news websites I am quite certain this person is real. It makes me feel kinda dirty to share my happy place, I mean Regretsy, with her and her frnds though.
We can only hope that the next crease and desist letter will use the LAYER firm of Kopian and Paystin instead of Hunten and Pekkin. Then maybe we’ll be able to read it.
“Maybe you already took it down because you are a coward”? Because you’re so cowardly that you usually put pieces up just for a few minutes and then whisk them down in a squealing fit of frightened remorse? Or does she think you chickened out with hers specifically because you intuited her intention to lay you with her layer?
Obviously they sell on Etsy because they need to raise money to purchase a new keyboard…it’s quite obvious that the keyboard is just missing some letters and has a CAP LOCK issue!
I love, love, love how she’s threatening to send people to read you ‘sight’. I mean, geez, she’s, like, punishing you with popularity, you know? That’s, like, so harsh.
I don’t know what her shop is, but at least, we can be sure everything she sells is 100% handmade. See here, for instance. Not a trace of those damn automatic spellcheckers.
You think it’s hard to read but do you have any idea how hard it is to write crap like this? It’s almost artistic! It’s like sneezing with your eyes wide open. I didn’t think it could be done before now.
Maybe it’s actually Banksy, OR BAKNSEE!!! Doesn’t he have an Etsy site sight where you can buy paisley elephants, bent telephone booths, concocted gallery shows, and misspelled item descriptions?
I’m not an expert in redneck ebonics, but I think this is a pretty close translation. I did take some liberty with the punctuation though.
Helen Killer,
A worried person and customer told me that one of my art pieces was featured on your site, Regretsy. I spent the entire night looking through your disgusting site looking for my piece. I did not find the piece. Maybe you already took it down because you are a coward? I do not know what piece you posted but do not ever, ever, put it back up again. I am not afraid to use a lawyer and I will give you a cease and desist (?order) and you will be out of business! I am quite serious about this and I will be reading your site every day to see if you have violated this order and I will have all of my friends and family read the site to check up on you as well. Do not try it!
At first I honestly could not figure out what this person was talking about when they said “layer.” I thought some sort of invisibility layer, or maybe a layer of a force field.
I will say something positive though, and that is that at least they were consistent with the awful spellings.
“I’d tell you who sent this to me, but I just pressed my pants.”
Hmmmm… This is a clue to the seller’s identity.
Searching Etsy for sellers…
PressedPants : No luck
IronPants: Hit, but no shop
Going to have to start thinking deep… Okay. 14 words, 46 letters..
1446: 31 sellers with 1446 in their name. Who knew there’d be so many. No one with “Pants” in their name. I’ll come back to this one.
FortySix: Six hits, no shops
Fourteen: 61 people with “fourteen” in their name. Too vague.
FourteenFortySix: No hits. Didn’t expect one. I doubt this seller can spell all the numerals between zero and ten, or count to 20 unless she is nekkid.
How about the obvious:
IJustPressedMyPants: No hits
IJustPissedMyPants: No hits
Pressed: 100 people
Pants: 2,196 people. I’m getting worse at this.
Dumbfuck: No hits.
Feel free to try your own attempts. I’m sure it’s a clue.
You would think, but no… Helen’s devious wit goes beyond the first obvious layer. She works schemes within schemes into her humor. This is a clue. I know it is.
I missed one thing that might be a clue:
“I’d tell you who sent this to me, but I just pressed my pants.”
It’s all one syllable words. It’s a message in understandable one syllable words, so simple that the email sender can read it; yet it’s also a clue to the seller’s identity, while hiding under the theme of putting a crease in one’s pants.
I believe this is one of those “brain teasers” where they prove how the human mind can read any sentence as long as the first and last letters of each word are correct.
“Smotehnig liek tihs”, but with more hilarious rage and impotent flailing. I AM NTO ARFIAD TO CNOTCAT MY LAYER!
Holy shitballs. I just started reading regretsy, waited until I read the WHOLE archive and then signed up.
Boom here I am. And reading that gave me such a headache I might have to go back over to etsy and find some vintage steampunk tylenol in a hand crafted bottle.
A concerned customer advised me tha one of my inspired creations was recently featured on your website.
After spending a considerable amount of time perusing your wonderful site, I was unable to locate the listing. It is possible it has already been removed due to possible repercussions.
Though I do know know which of my creations was listed, I sincerely request that you refrain from listing another.
I have secured legal counsel, and legal action will be taken which may result in the inability of you to conduct your business.
The serious nature of this notification is evident and in addition to myself, a number of trusted individuals will also be reviewing the content of your website to ensure that my request has been complied with.
Usually, when writing in all caps, the spell check feature assumes the word is some sort of proper noun, abbreviation, or acronym and will ignore the typographical errors. The caps lock key was her downfall.
It was absolutely her downfall. With all of the features and apps on computers and available through the internet, it’s pretty hard to look stupid, grammatically speaking. But she did. Damned caps lock key. If it wasn’t for that key, she might not have been featured, or her identity might not have been kept secret, which would have resulted in more sales for her. Her downfall.
Weight… someone is actually threatening TO read this sight and tell all they’re friendz to read this sight? I think I need to start a thread on Etsy about this!
Thank you for saying that. I admit, I had no idea wtf she was talking about. I thought, “Surely this is some internet ninja jargon that I just don’t know. Afterall, she is serious!”
Was the person really listed on here? Because I will search every post until i find them, which shouldn’t be hard if all their listings are typed
like this!
How did she get “worried”, “serious” and “featured” right but not “piece” or “night”? You madame, are an inspiration to English students everywhere… To keep studying.
OK EVERYONE: HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO TRANSLATE THIS RANT? IS ANYONE READING,OR IS EVERYONE JUST TALKING, I MEAN TYPING. I CALL A CREASE AND DESIST ODOR!
Okay, listen. What do we know?
1) She has been on here before
2) She said it was her “Art” that was posted.
3) Apparently all her posts are spelled like this
4) She has actually decent work.
I’m thinking, something “steampunk”?
I ran it through Google Translate on the Idiot to English setting and got: “Take a look! You will not be disappointed with my stuff. I’d back my reputation on this.”
It’s very clearly not rubies….whether real or fake, those have to be amethyst. Since I was past that page earlier, they’ve amended the description to say “HI PRETTY RING LOOKS LIKE REAL RUBY CHIPS WITH DIAMONDS I WORE SEVERAL TIMES BUT NO LONGER FITS ME ANY MORE SIZE 8.25 VERY NEET RING MARKED 925.(tested with gem tester real rubys )”
Does Etsy have a reporting system for misrepresenting a product?
i may be wrong, but i worked at kay jewelers for years and never heard of a gem tester, just a diamond tester– the carbon in the diamonds is what makes the detector go off.
Actually, with a crappy camera under either fluorescent or really yellow incandescent light, pinkish rubies would look purple. Not that I am defending the seller or even the listing, but I can believe from the sort of texture of those stones that they *could* be really crappy rubies.
As for testers–you can definitely get a kit to test the metal, but I haven’t heard of a home kit for testing stones. If this woman knows how to test on the Mohs hardness scale I’ll eat my socks.
Technically they’d be purple sapphires, since only “ruby red” corundum can be legally called ruby, but they could very well be real… just cheap. You won’t find top quality gems set in sterling. (Odd that someone who “makes jewelry” doesn’t know what .925 means.)
Dear god. Grandbigdog has left me speechless. I am sorely tempted to heart her shop just to remind myself why I spend what I do on supplies, charge what I do, take the time I do, and beat myself up over my photography.
As the owner of an undergraduate degree in English, I can confidently state that much of this email resembles Middle English. In my head, it reads with a Chaucerian accent.
Snood chick was too articulate. She knew words like “suggestion” and “evidently” and even knew the difference between “then” and “than” so nah, I don’t think this is her.
I wish I could like this twice. I’m thinking of starting a line of bumper stickers that don’t mean a damn thing, so that hipsters will have something to put on their fixed gear bikes. I think, “like tee in the win” would be perfect. I’ll even give you a cut of the profits. You’re looking at a potential 20 to 25 cents.
Hmmm… My guess is its the crazy hat lady and/or the letter was typed by the same chicken that does the Peck of the Day. It would certainly explain the threat of layers.
Here’s what really gets me; her name is RIGHT THERE in the “to” and STILL she manages to misspell it! That, and apparently in all her frantic searching of Regretsy, she missed this entry: Big Legal Sounding. Come on people, get over it!
I’m curious . . . was anything of hers actually posted here? Or is this “WORRIED PERSON AND CSUTOMER” mistaken and/or a figment of this woman’s imagination? Not only doesn’t she “KNWO” what of hers was posted, she doesn’t “KNWO” if it was posted at all. Is her nearly unintelligible rage not only disproportionate but also entirely misplaced?
Also, I love that I can’t tell if she is more irritated because her “ART” piece was featured on Regretsy, or that she couldn’t find it here after all despite an entire “NOGHT” looking for it.
My guess is this seller has reached an “all time low” yes this is a hint and her descriptions now include copyright mentions (lots of Regretsians comments) but the spelling hasn’t been corrected. I also cannot find the post anymore either
I love the smackdown this person (and all their friends and family) will receive after sending everyone they know to see “you’re dicusting site” and your crease and desist posted here.
Someone suggested earlier that this seller maybe the person. I don’t know, but I do know that this arrowhead necklace looks more like a buttplug to me.
When I first saw “Layer” I thought of Photoshop, and I was all like, Huh? She’s going to hurt HK with Photoshop? And then I was all like…oooooh lawyer! Oooooh. Aww.
I try to keep my cat from posting on the the internet. I even changed the password on his gmail account, but I’ll be damned if Calwdio didn’t figure it out again. No Friskies for you. Bad kitty.
THIS IS GETIGN REDIULUS, WYH WONT U PPEPOPLE STOP MACGEING FUN OF TEH RAEL ARISTS IN ETSY. U SIT NO UR ASSES N DON MACGE NUTHON. U R SICK N HOERUBLE N DIZCUSTIN!!!
Definitely grandbigdog. She has the peka chew earrings from a few days ago! And it also seems she’s fixing some of her glaring abuse of the English language… “Pelican” is now spelled correctly..
Hi dere. I iz a reel layer and membre of the bra and this here Derp reads just like the letters we get from dudes in prison who want us to sue the Jury for finding them guilty.
If you go to her ‘earrings’ page (perhaps searching desperately for the peka chew earrings you really want to buy) you will note that she refers to these … crafts … as “SOME MORE TREASURES I MADE OR FOUND IN JUNK SHOPS”.
If your description of your handiwork has the word junk in it, perhaps you should reflect on the choices you have made in your life.
Also, Helen, if it is her, you should really tell us. Or if it’s not, tell us anyway.
I like that he/she says, “I WILL BE READING YOU’RE SIGHT EVERY DAY TO SEE IF YOU HAVE VOLATED THIS ORDER AND I WILL HAVE ALL OF MY FRENDS AND FMILY READ TEH SITE [sic] TO CHECK UP ON YOU ALSO…” Way to drive more page views to your new arch nemesis, kiddo.
Oh my god, it IS grandbigdog. It has to be! And how has she sold so many stupidly crafted items? Do you you think she buys them herself to make her seem like she has a lot of sales and reviews?
Wait. You can sell thousands of pairs of Avon earrings purchased at garage sales on Etsy? Thousands? Buggering tits. I knew I should have never gone to college.
Doesn’t email have spell check? Well if she writes like that obviously she doesnt know how to use it.
That was the best letter I have read in a while.I think a tear just came to my face.
Wow… I have just joined and am reading my way through, crying happily as I go… but this cease and desist is my fav so far.
It really should be for sale as a poster, or offered as a prize. I’d put this on my wall next to Bless This House.
I already bought the chocolate post card and am feeling that most anything I have around the house or can “create” should be added to my Etsy shop. Bless you .. or curse you… I’m not sure which.
March 15, 2011 at 11:02 am
I’d say you have to feature one of this seller’s items now, except that might give them an influx of business that they clearly don’t deserve.
March 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm
I should not do this…I should not do this…I should not do this…but we seem to be reaching an agreement, and well, I haven’t been sleeping, and…
March 15, 2011 at 10:05 pm
That photo should take you here:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/64304974/savanna-clam-people-handmade
March 16, 2011 at 12:02 am
Oh my god! I thought it was photoshop fuckery! Thank you for making my night!
March 16, 2011 at 7:28 am
Does the fact that the above person has nearly 8ooo sales make anyone else want to cry?
March 16, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Yeah. I saw the “folk art” category and I could not look away.
March 19, 2011 at 6:20 am
I just love that her profile says
TAKE A LOOK YOU WILL NOT BE DIAPPOINTED WITH OF MY STUFF BACK MY REPLICATION ON THIS. HAVE A GREAT DAY.
March 19, 2011 at 8:00 am
wtf??? I never make bones about how there is better stuff out there,also I don’t have an etsy account,mostly because I can’t as of now keep up with work and increase my crochet/knit output, but HOW DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THAT FOLKS WANT TO BUY THIS SHITE?!? Also, how is it that none of these fukkers seem to be able to spell or use spell check…dumb asses…
March 20, 2011 at 9:23 am
Maybe she hired TheOldRedHen on etsy as her layer.
March 15, 2011 at 11:02 am
Oh lookie, a flounce!
March 15, 2011 at 11:05 am
I think this might just be a pre-flounce, actually. Flouncing before they’re featured, yet promising to come back every day…a pre-flounce-unflounce?
March 15, 2011 at 11:07 am
I don’t think flounces come in misspelled all-caps. This is more of a FLOWNZ.
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
CANADIANYANKEE FTW!
March 15, 2011 at 11:02 am
Shit, do people even try anymore?
March 15, 2011 at 11:06 am
NO TEHY DO NO
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
THNX 2 TXT, DA IDEEUT # HAZ GUN WAI UP. NO WUN CN SPEEL NEMOR
March 15, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Are you sure that’s not due to I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?
March 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm
I hate that website… but I can’t seem to stop going there. The damn kittens, they’re too cute!
March 15, 2011 at 11:24 am
I think she really did, which is the saddest part of all…
March 15, 2011 at 11:28 am
You don’t need a middle school dihplawmah to send hater mail.
March 15, 2011 at 11:54 am
My elementary school aged cousin can do better then that and she’s not even a native English speaker!
March 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm
I am french canadian and my english is not that bad!!!!
May 26, 2011 at 7:44 pm
I’m from Idaho and I can do better than that! IDAHO!
March 15, 2011 at 11:03 am
Can anyone translate this please?
I left my Redneck Pocket Dictionary in my other suit.
March 15, 2011 at 11:06 am
Mag, I’m from Bama and this shit even confused me!
They need to have a spell check setting especially for righteous anger!
Oh how I wish I knew this person’s email address so I could figure out what their Etsy shop is!!
March 15, 2011 at 11:33 am
Agreed, I’m from redneck country myself (my neck is just a pinkish mauve at this point, cause i can haz learning) and this isn’t redneckese. It’s a combination of illiteracy and teenager text type.
March 15, 2011 at 11:40 am
“They need to have a spell check setting especially for righteous anger!”
THIS is a brilliant idea. Bill Gates needs to get on that right away – quit vaccinating African children, Bill! This is more important!
March 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm
I think the translation is “Wah wah wah I’m a spoiled brat so I’m going to type in all caps so people take me seriously.” Unfortunately I left my Spoiled Illiterate Brat Dictionary at the Rock-A-Belly wedding I attended last week.
March 15, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I think this is one of those riddles you have to read out loud to get… kinda like ‘imuh luv mahsheen.’
March 16, 2011 at 5:44 am
South Texas dialing in to say that, if that’s a dialect of Redneck, it’s sure not OUR dialect of Redneck, and we don’t know what the f*ck she’s talking about, either.
March 16, 2011 at 11:53 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 15, 2011 at 11:03 am
This is so awful it looks fake. It’s sad.
I really, REALLY hope English is this person’s second language.
March 15, 2011 at 11:10 am
I think it is a fake. It’s a little beyond what I find believable.
If it is real, though, these are not really the kind of mistakes a non-English speaker makes. It looks more like someone who is borderline illiterate.
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
All the descriptions in her store look like this. Though she does have some beautiful peices.
March 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
Blargh! You’re just teasing us, now. You know how much we all want to raid her shop now, don’t you?
March 15, 2011 at 11:20 am
Well that takes away some of my faith in humanity.
March 15, 2011 at 11:31 am
Evil!
You should make a game of letting us figure out the seller. Give hints and shit and whoever figures it out first gets a prize!
March 15, 2011 at 11:34 am
Aw, darn. With bad spelling and a bad attitude to go with, she’s just begging to be featured. But it’s no fun if her store is full of good stuff!
March 15, 2011 at 11:43 am
I am now slogging through etsy trying to find a seller with horrible descriptions and who uses the word “peice”. Maybe if I do a keyword search using some of the spellings in her email…(drums fingers together while menacingly raising one eyebrow).
March 15, 2011 at 11:46 am
I’m going to search Etsy for the misspelled words she uses. I’m worried, however, that it will bring up more hits than intended.
March 15, 2011 at 11:50 am
… and I was right. A search for “peice” (which by the way, was very difficult to type) came up with 583 hits.
http://www.etsy.com/search/handmade?q=peice
March 15, 2011 at 11:53 am
Good luck with that search, Monkeytoes.
March 15, 2011 at 11:56 am
Lets try “peice” and “art”. Only 39 results. The game is afoot!
http://www.etsy.com/search/handmade?q=peice+art
March 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Ooo, in the search for the seller, I did stumble upon this awesomeness:
The description is pretty funny too.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/56013764/custom-inkacrylicpaper-simple-peices
March 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm
This “peice” could explain a few things:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68035997/fumed-color-changing-frit-spoon
But alas, the spelling in this listing isn’t that bad. Just a misspelled tag.
March 15, 2011 at 12:08 pm
We could have a winner: http://www.etsy.com/shop/LavenderRoseDesigns Since it’s not in all caps, it’s harder to appreciate, but there are numerous misspellings and juxtaposed letters.
March 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Is it this person? Not as many misspellings as in the email, but when you factor in anger, maybe? Especially since English does not seem to be this sellers first (or second) language.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/equaliondesign
Here are some of the listings?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/51988279/blue-peppy-t-shirt-one-piece
http://www.etsy.com/listing/51988976/black-peppy-t-shirt-one-piece
http://www.etsy.com/listing/51991955/lolita-t-shirt-one-peice
March 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm
That MitchRobot4 seller with the decapitating dinosaurs is hilarious and awesome! Favorite quote of the day from his canned tarantula post:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68972374/tarantula?ref=v1_other_1
is
‘these make great conversation pieces: “hey man this rhubarb and strawberry jam tastes like spiders”‘
Some good things come from CREASE AND DESIST lehturs when the lawyer cake they’re sent from has a candied spider on top!
March 15, 2011 at 12:46 pm
My guess is this shop:
http://www.etsy.com/people/UINMIND
It looks like she spell checked her profile page, but the descriptions for her individual “peices” look a lot like the note. And not surprisingly, her “art” is hideous.
March 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm
@searingflesh55, because there’s no more darn nesting in this thread:
The Velociraptor guy DOES have a great description!
“DO NOT ASK FOR CUSTOM PICTURES OF PUPPIES OR BABIES OR FLOWERS. or you will be sent a picture of a veliciraptor eviscerating a human baby. but if thats actually what you want ill do it. no really, name your dinosaur, send me the $30 and its all yours.
otherwise, like i said, if you’re looking for pictures of like landscapes or babies, other tooti-fruity stuff like that, type in “miniature pincher painting” in the search and one of those assholes can probably do it.”
LOVE.
March 15, 2011 at 1:06 pm
I’m also considering sending the Velociraptor guy a special request for a Doberman Pinscher barbecuing a T-Rex on a spit, just based on his awesome description, plus I like his style.
I need to sell a couple more prints of my own before I can justify spending $30 on it though.
March 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I think we’re all over thinking the search here… My guess is that these “peices” were featured over on the Facebook side of things, so that should narrow the search?
On another note, I can’t see the term “layers” without thinking about photoshop… does she do some kind of Level 6 digital art?
March 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm
To FB to search for misspelled awesomeness!!
And I totally want to order something from MitchRobot4. I’m think I should just let his imagination run with it because he could probably come up with something way more fucked up and awesome than I ever could!
March 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm
If for nothing else, this thread was worth reading solely for the discovery of mitchrobot4.
March 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Has she actually been featured here, or has she figured out that getting on here will increase sales?
Is she trying to get you to throw in her dat dere briar patch?
March 15, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Tell!! Tell!!!
March 15, 2011 at 4:20 pm
@JoyM, I’m likely to 2nd your motion. That afghan is AWFUL.
March 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm
OMG that seller with the dinosaur drawings and Cthulu fetuses and pickled tarantulas… if I was still on Etsy I would favorite that shop So. Hard.
Dude needs to be a feature on Regretsy!
March 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm
*GASP* Curse this near-poverty! I want just about anything by mitchrobot4 (the “Velociraptor guy”). A skanky mermaid with ick. A flayed squid. Hell, if not for the whole…’paws…thing, I’d have his babies just so he could pickle them for me. <3 <3 <3
March 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm
or borderline personality disorder.
March 15, 2011 at 3:16 pm
yes, my ESL students almost never mix up your and you’re, or at least, not at this level.
March 15, 2011 at 11:54 am
!! Awareness Week!!
translate.google.com can actually transfer bad English to English.
Some people should really use it especially if they expect their communication to have any positive outcome.
Sum people neva crease to maze me.
March 15, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I love Bad English. I’m going to put “When I See You Smile” on my iPod right now.
May 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm
English is my second language, and even I can write better than that. Dear Lord, does this person not know about spell check? ⌐.⌐
March 15, 2011 at 11:03 am
I’d take this seriously, Helen. After all, she’s not afraid to use a layer.
March 15, 2011 at 11:05 am
She’s not afraid to use a layer…TO EGG YOUR HOUSE. Er, “aig ure hawez”.
March 15, 2011 at 11:46 am
you meant “egg you’re hose”
March 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I usually double it up and use two layers.
March 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm
But Helen is a CWOARD.
March 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I think she meant “C WORD”.
March 15, 2011 at 2:42 pm
haha I thought she was calling you a coward
March 15, 2011 at 5:37 pm
And proud of it.
March 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Is she going to bake a cake? I like cake!
March 15, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Do you suppose she plans to use the incubus in a mason jar?
March 15, 2011 at 11:03 am
Can someone please make this English? I genuinely cannot make myself read it. I made it half a sentence in and my brain broke.
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
Helen Killer,
A worried person and customer told me that one of my art pieces were featured on your sight, Regretsy. I spent the entire night looking through your disgusting site, looking for my piece. I did not find the piece. Maybe you already took it down because you are a coward. I do not know what piece you posted, but do not ever, ever, put it back up again. I am not afraid to use a lawyer, and I will give you a cease and desist, and you will be out of business. I am quite serious about this, and I will be reading your site every day to see if you have violated this order, and I will have all of my friends and family read the site to check up on you also. Do not try it.
March 15, 2011 at 11:17 am
My translation doesn’t do it justice, though. You really should read it in the original language.
March 15, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Wow, angel you’re good. You should get a job as a Stupid-to-English translator.
March 15, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Are you another teacher? Or an editor perhaps?
March 15, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Actually, “site” (website) instead of “sight” (eyesight). Goodness, the original letter really *does* sound almost fake – at least she’s consistent in her bad spelling?
March 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Yeah, I noticed that I missed one instance of “sight”, but unfortunately I can’t edit. And should I have corrected “were” to “was”, or should I leave the mistake in? It’s a tough call. Overall, I feel that the corrections take away the spirit of the peiec. The sense of volated outrage doesn’t come through until you read about the dicusting sight, Regresty.
March 15, 2011 at 12:34 pm
…one of my art pieces *was featured…
(“one was”, not “one were”)
March 15, 2011 at 2:48 pm
More like:
Helen Killer,
I just learned by way of a customer about your site, Regretsy. I looked through your site and didn’t see a single one of my pieces. I challenge you to put one up, by calling you a coward and offering faint threats of lawyers. I will be reading your site every day to see if you finally featured one of my works on your site. I need all the publicity I can get. Hop to. Try it.
March 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm
It definitely loses something in translation…
March 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Close, but I think it’s more like this..
Helen Killer
*slams head on keyboard and hopes for the best*
March 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I went back and read this, using your translation as a handy guide, and found that I could miraculously understand what she was saying! I imagine I could’ve gotten the same result with a fifth of vodka and a bottle of Valium, but I’m fresh out of Valium.
March 15, 2011 at 11:03 am
Well, at least he or she is guaranteeing you many more daily hits! You should send them a thank you.
TNK YU VRY MOCH FER HALPING MI SIGHT.
March 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I wonder if she thinks you need glasses?
March 15, 2011 at 11:04 am
Quiet serious, eh? Well, they do say still waters run derp.
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
“still waters run derp” is my new favorite phrase. kudos to you, good sir/madame!
March 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I don’t know where that phrase originated, but I’m stealing it from you.
March 16, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Um…you as in Irv. Once again, I went too derp. I mean deep.
March 15, 2011 at 11:24 am
You deserve a complimentary fascinator made from a cat skull and a real, stuffed bird as well as a shellacked fish head for that comment.
March 15, 2011 at 7:46 pm
I must go Derper.
March 15, 2011 at 11:04 am
The csutomer is always wright.
March 15, 2011 at 11:05 am
Ruh Roh… this person wants to increase your readership! RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
Please tell me this is a troll e-mail, because I just can’t convince my brain that anyone is honestly that terrible at… well, everything relating to language.
Also: a layer of what? An onion? Hair? Skin? Or is this a “layer” as in “Buffay the Vampire Layer”?
March 15, 2011 at 11:19 am
Onions, trolls, and Etsy artists have many layers.
March 15, 2011 at 12:44 pm
What about parfaits? Parfaits got layers.
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
I was hoping for a layer cake, myself.
March 15, 2011 at 11:30 am
I was thinking this exact thing. This post has inspired my plan for baking a cake tonight. My taste buds will be thankful for this dicusting sight.
March 15, 2011 at 11:05 am
Thank goodness she’s not really quiet serious. Then the world would never know how volated she feels.
March 15, 2011 at 11:05 am
get rid of the cwoard
March 15, 2011 at 11:06 am
What the fuckery is this? Is this person six? No, that is an insult to six year olds. This is like reading the deluded ravings of the insane.
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
That would be an insult to the insane population.
March 15, 2011 at 11:32 am
Hey I’m a bit crazy and I spell correctly!
March 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Me too!
March 15, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Even if you couldn’t, there are measures to keep you from embarrassing yourself like that. My computer has this amazing feature called ‘spell check.’ It really is the bees’ knees!
March 15, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Are those knees available in a jar?
March 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Or does it illustrate yet again the dangers of voice-recognition software?
March 15, 2011 at 11:06 am
It’s got to be a joke. Just by random chance she should have spelled SOME words correctly.
March 15, 2011 at 11:06 am
spell. check.
March 15, 2011 at 11:07 am
Please tell us … with that attention to detail her crafts must be exquisite!
March 15, 2011 at 11:07 am
I totally read that as ” a decunting sight” lol. I wonder if this person’s spell check is turned off.
March 15, 2011 at 5:40 pm
No, the twat decanting was yesterday in plaster.
March 15, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Twat did you say? I cunt hear you.
March 15, 2011 at 11:08 am
Most email programs have a spell check.
Maybe there should also be a breathalyzer attached so you have to score below legal limit before you hit send? It might save people some embarrasment.
March 15, 2011 at 11:24 am
No! That would save some entertainment, and we can’t have that.
March 15, 2011 at 11:51 am
As usual, Google already offers this! Check out “Google Goggles” – after a certain time of day, gmail makes you perform basic arithmetic in a short amount of time before it will send your email. It’s a free optional add-on to their email service.
I have used it for years. Unfortunately, however, it didn’t stop me from getting raging drunk after finding my boyfriend cheating on me, and sending him a furious late-night email with the aid of my calculator. I should have just sent a layer over instead, to tell him to crease and desist that fuckery.
March 15, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Aw, I was disappointed to find out that this feature is actually called “Math Goggles.” “Google Goggles” is a mobile app that lets you identify places, translate text on items, and something else I didn’t bother to read by using your camera on your droid.
Still, both features are teh awes0me.
March 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm
..And don’t forget, Math Debating makes you go blind…
March 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Or a crease desist, anyway.
March 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm
I can’t do basic arithmetic on a normal day with out the aid of a calculator. I’d never be able to send email. lol
March 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm
That would certainly curb drunk emailing!
Which I have NEVER done of course, I am far to busy straightening my halo from throwing them back to write a drunken booty email. Geesh!
March 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Don’t drink and Flounce!
March 15, 2011 at 11:08 am
brilliant! I would love to see if she murders crafts the way she murdered the English language in her e-mail.
March 15, 2011 at 11:08 am
Really drunk, really angry non English speaker, or illiterate underage redneck. You decide.
March 15, 2011 at 11:09 am
Wait! I think I found a sentence using proper grammar and spelling…oh nevermind.
March 15, 2011 at 11:09 am
Oh no! He/She is going to have his/her entire family read your site every day. More readers is a TERRIBLE THING. XD
March 15, 2011 at 11:09 am
Frankly, I’m kind of impressed that she spelled “through” correctly. Most third grade ESL students I know can’t do that.
March 15, 2011 at 11:09 am
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT IM GOING TO BE GIVING YOUR SITE EVEN MORE TRAFFIC ON A DAILY BASIS AS A PUNISHMENT TO YOU I KNOW YOU HATE IT WHEN MORE PEOPLE LOOK AT YOUR WEBSITE
March 15, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Not enough errors.
March 15, 2011 at 11:09 am
You better be careful…the rest of her illiterate family is going to be checking on you also.
March 15, 2011 at 11:10 am
The first sentence has a number of words that are correct, including whole phrases. Then it just kind of falls off the derp end. Possibly someone was drinking while typing very, very slowly?
March 15, 2011 at 11:11 am
Well, that sure is nice of her to send so much traffic to the site, er…sight. I hope you sent her a lovely thank you letter!
March 15, 2011 at 11:11 am
Business. All that shite and she spelled business correctly. I think that made me laugh the hardest – as often as that’s misspelled, I pictured her using the dictionary to get that 1 word right. You know, so she didn’t look sutpide.
March 15, 2011 at 11:11 am
At least you will get more traffic since they will be regularly visiting your site! They will be hooked before long and tell all their friends about it.
March 15, 2011 at 11:12 am
A mind is a turrible thing to waist.
March 15, 2011 at 11:13 am
To those calling for a translation:
HELEN KILLER
A WORRIED PERSON AND CUSTOMER TOLD ME THAT ONE OF MY ART PIECES WERE FEATURED ON YOUR SITE, REGRETSY….. I SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT LOOKING THROUGH YOUR DISGUSTING SITE LOOKING FOR MY PIECE….. I DID NOT FIND THE PIECE….. MAYBE YOU ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN BECAUSE YOU ARE A COWARD…. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT PIECE YOU POSTED BUT DO NOT EVER, EVER PUT IT BACK UP AGAIN….I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE A LAWYER AND I WILL GIVE YOU A CEASE AND DESIST AND YOU WILL BE OUT OF BUSINESS…. I AM QUITE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND I WILL BE READING YOUR SITE EVERY DAY TO SEE IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED THIS ORDER AND I WILL HAVE ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY READ THE SITE TO CHECK UP ON YOU ALSO….DO NOT TRY IT
And now I’m going to go take a shower and cry and try to forget how easily I could read this.
March 15, 2011 at 11:20 am
I remember reading an article recently that showed that humans have an innate ability to take jumbled or partial words and fix them while reading. I wish I could find the link, because this person’s letter is a classic example. However, it sure doesn’t make proofreading any easier…
March 15, 2011 at 11:36 am
http://www.ecenglish.com/learnenglish/lessons/can-you-read
I remember reading that too. I couldn’t find the article on it, but I did find the paragraph with the letters jumbled up.
March 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Cool, tnhaks!
March 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm
It’s because we don’t read each letter. We read each word as a whole. If all the correct letters are there, then we see what the word should be. I’m a proofreader by trade (and hobby!) and this is the biggest stumbling block I know.
March 15, 2011 at 12:35 pm
…one of my art pieces *was featured…
(“one was”, not “one were”)
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
HULK QUIET SERIOUS!
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
This totally wins my comment of the day.
March 15, 2011 at 11:24 am
I second this nomination. Total. Win.
March 15, 2011 at 11:46 am
Agreed! I was holding it all in until I saw this picture. Now my tummy hurts from the uncontrollable laughter. You’ll be haering from mi layer.
March 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm
You pegged it! This is who wrote the letter. Helen Killer, give this person a t-shirt!
-Meghan
http://big-belliedbeautysguidetodisneyworld.blogspot.com/
March 15, 2011 at 11:41 am
I peed a little…. from the awesome!
March 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Nice one Smockhocker. Hulk does QUIET SERIOUS like no other.
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
What the hell, I just felt this warm liquid drip on my shoulder after reading this, I looked down and it was my brain!
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
LOL they’re going to be watching your site…
CAN THEY EVEN READ???
DOES IT EVEN MATTER?
Maybe they didn’t find their work because they’re clearly illiterate..
March 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
If she hasn’t been featured yet, guess what…
I s’pose we know where to go for the next featured item!
March 15, 2011 at 11:15 am
So am I supposed to layer before I crease or crease before I layer? This sounds important.
March 15, 2011 at 11:33 am
Lawyergami: the ancient art of folding language into indecipherable forms to entrap people in contracts that screw them over.
March 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I *must* find a way to work “lawyergami” into a sentence now. Thank you!
March 15, 2011 at 11:15 am
MY FRENDS ADN FMILY ADN EVREEBODIE ELSIE IN TEH DAYROOM EXEPT FOR HER NEXT DOOR SHES A SPITTER ADN DICUSTING.
March 15, 2011 at 11:18 am
BEST COMMENT OF THE DAY!
March 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
Layer.
March 15, 2011 at 11:47 am
Exactly! Or… Eggsactly?
March 15, 2011 at 11:48 am
Oh no, quiet serious hulk has compi…compati… Hey what are these red, squiggly lines doing under my words?
March 15, 2011 at 11:49 am
Exactly what I was thinking when I saw layer.
March 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I have to say picking a layer as your attorney is a poor choice. All the ones I know hide under a shed and roll around in dirt all day.
March 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Well that’s a step up from the way I’ve seen some lawyers behave.
March 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
On the plus side, icanhazcheezburger’s irreverent use of the English language now looks like highly intellectual literature in comparison. So there’s that.
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
That explains this letter!! It’s somebody’s cat!!
I CAN HAZ DIZTEMPER BOOZTER NAOW?
March 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm
March 15, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Our cat types better than this seller.
March 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
All I can imagine is the little wavy red lines under every word, and thinking that maybe teh crazy has spell check turned off.
March 15, 2011 at 11:26 am
She probably thinks it’s broken. DMAN THINK UNDRELAINS EVEREY WORD I TPYE…
March 15, 2011 at 6:26 pm
BWHAHAHAHAHA! FTW Angel Drawers!
March 15, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Cmd-U, Cmd-U, Cmd-U, Cmd-U!!! Y DOES TAHT ONLI CHAGNE TEH DAMN REDD AWNDERLIENES TWO BLAKC??!!!
March 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
Not afraid to use a layer. I think this works to your advantage as you may get some cake out of this.
March 15, 2011 at 11:37 am
The cake is a lie!
And was her Layer admitted to the Bra?
March 15, 2011 at 11:16 am
So, with translation I obviously thought the best place to go would be Babelfish. I went through various languages trying to find out what it says. The best I got was German to English. Enjoy:
A WORRIED PERSON AND OF CSUTOMER TOLD ME THAT ONE OF MY KIND PIECES WERE FEATURED ON YOU’ RH SIGHT, REGRETSY …… TO I DONATE TEH ENTIRE NOGHT LOOKING THROUGH YOU’ RH DISCUSTING SIGHT LOOKING FOR MY PEICE…. TO I DID EMERGENCY FIND THE PEICE…. MAYBE YOU ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN BECAUSE YOU OF ACRES A CWOARD…. I D EMERGENCY KNWO WHAT PEIEC YOU POSTD BUT DO EMERGENCY EVER, EVER PUT IT BAKE UP AGAIN…. I AT EMERGENCY THE AFRAID TON OF USE A LAYER AND I WANTS GIVE YOU A CREASE…. I AT THE QUIET SERIOUS ABOUT THIS AND I WANTS FUEL ELEMENT READING YOU’ RH SIGHT EVERY DAY TON LAKE IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED THIS ORDER AND I WANTS HAVE UNIVERSE OF MY FRENDS AND FMILY READ TEH SITE TON OF CHECKS UP ON YOU THUS…. DO EMERGENCY TRY IT
It’s an EMERGENCY!!
March 15, 2011 at 11:21 am
Another good one: Portuguese to English (just the highlights on this one):
MAYBE YOU ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN BECAUSE YOU PLOUGHS THE CWOARD ….. I AM NOT AFRAID YOU USES LAYER AND I WILL GIVE YOU THE CREASE…. I WILL BE READING YOU’ REVERSE SPEED SIGHT EVERY DAY YOU SEE IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED THIS ORDER
March 15, 2011 at 1:38 pm
No no no no!!! I’m Portuguese…please don’t be offencive!
But, this could have been written by my 6 year old son, who is just learning.
Don’t you just love hate mail??? And kudos to the HULK post.
March 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm
It isn’t meant to be offensive at all. It’s using random languages to see which “translation” turned out the funniest. German and Portuguese were the funniest. NBD.
March 15, 2011 at 6:03 pm
I was jokin’…Just saying we speak better english than that…
March 15, 2011 at 11:17 am
this is clearly a case of ragebonics… where someone has lost complete control of their brain to finger connection. That said, this is flippin hilarious!
March 15, 2011 at 11:17 am
I hate it when they use layers.
March 15, 2011 at 11:17 am
As a regular reader of stfu tumblers and the comments on news websites I am quite certain this person is real. It makes me feel kinda dirty to share my happy place, I mean Regretsy, with her and her frnds though.
March 15, 2011 at 11:17 am
At least she’s consistent. I’ve got to give her that.
March 15, 2011 at 11:18 am
We can only hope that the next crease and desist letter will use the LAYER firm of Kopian and Paystin instead of Hunten and Pekkin. Then maybe we’ll be able to read it.
March 15, 2011 at 11:18 am
I think Charlie Sheen wrote this.
March 15, 2011 at 2:56 pm
WINNING AT E-THREATS!
March 15, 2011 at 11:19 am
“Maybe you already took it down because you are a coward”? Because you’re so cowardly that you usually put pieces up just for a few minutes and then whisk them down in a squealing fit of frightened remorse? Or does she think you chickened out with hers specifically because you intuited her intention to lay you with her layer?
March 15, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Looks like someone needs to get layd…
March 15, 2011 at 2:06 pm
“squealing fit of frightened remorse”
I’m picturing this, and it is making my day.
March 15, 2011 at 11:20 am
i hate to admit this, as it doesn’t say much about my life, but not knowing who this nut is…it’s kind of killing me.
March 15, 2011 at 11:23 am
It’s killing me too!!!
March 15, 2011 at 11:34 am
THISTHISTHISTHISTHIS
March 15, 2011 at 12:13 pm
ME TOO. I want to see their work. I promise I won’t contact them!
March 15, 2011 at 6:32 pm
MUST KNOW! Every crazy misspelled description makes me wonder… could this be THE WON?
March 15, 2011 at 11:20 am
This is totally a gag, right?
March 15, 2011 at 11:21 am
i say it’s a troll… no one can misspell that much!
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
Come on people, type your angry email first then drink.
March 15, 2011 at 11:22 am
Obviously they sell on Etsy because they need to raise money to purchase a new keyboard…it’s quite obvious that the keyboard is just missing some letters and has a CAP LOCK issue!
March 15, 2011 at 11:25 am
I love, love, love how she’s threatening to send people to read you ‘sight’. I mean, geez, she’s, like, punishing you with popularity, you know? That’s, like, so harsh.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa. What a dumbass.
March 15, 2011 at 11:25 am
People never crease to amaze me
March 15, 2011 at 11:26 am
This just made me pissed off. How could you possibly ever expect someone to take you even the tiniest bit serious with a letter like this?
DICUSTING.
March 15, 2011 at 11:27 am
Please tell us who it is :p I’m dying to go see the product descriptions :p
March 15, 2011 at 11:36 am
I find it really hard to believe that she has friends or family that can read…
March 15, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Especially if they taught her to spell.
March 15, 2011 at 11:28 am
I want to know what her shop is!
March 15, 2011 at 11:36 am
Me too! And some cake. I may be just a simple hyper-chicken, but I know genius when I see it.
March 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm
I don’t know what her shop is, but at least, we can be sure everything she sells is 100% handmade. See here, for instance. Not a trace of those damn automatic spellcheckers.
March 15, 2011 at 11:30 am
You think it’s hard to read but do you have any idea how hard it is to write crap like this? It’s almost artistic! It’s like sneezing with your eyes wide open. I didn’t think it could be done before now.
March 15, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Maybe it’s actually Banksy, OR BAKNSEE!!! Doesn’t he have an Etsy
sitesight where you can buy paisley elephants, bent telephone booths, concocted gallery shows, and misspelled item descriptions?March 15, 2011 at 11:32 am
See what happens when you break the jar and dead bees do the typing?
March 15, 2011 at 11:33 am
Nah, that’s a bait, someone just really wanted their creative writing to be on regretsy…
March 15, 2011 at 11:35 am
You’re Disgusting “Sight”?”
Goodness, guess the writer doesn’t approve of unhygienic eyeballs either.
March 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Let’s not forget the “you’re”. She/he seemed very intent on using that apostrophe.
March 15, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Excuse I, but apostrophes are the hite of sophistamacation.
March 15, 2011 at 11:36 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 15, 2011 at 11:38 am
Let’s hope she’s a lawyer as well because then her crease and desist letter won’t have a leg to stand on.
March 15, 2011 at 11:38 am
Wow! This is so full of fail that it actually wraps back around the curvature of the universe to land squarely back into WIN.
I can’t decide if I want this to be a complete parody that we have all fallen for, or if I want it to be 100% GEN-YOU-INE!
March 15, 2011 at 11:41 am
Good layers are so hard to find.
March 15, 2011 at 11:41 am
“I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE A LAYER”
Are they some sort of chicken artist?
March 15, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Don’t make me use this chicken on you!
March 15, 2011 at 11:42 am
At first I honestly could not figure out what this person was talking about when they said “layer.” I thought some sort of invisibility layer, or maybe a layer of a force field.
I will say something positive though, and that is that at least they were consistent with the awful spellings.
March 15, 2011 at 11:43 am
“I’d tell you who sent this to me, but I just pressed my pants.”
Hmmmm… This is a clue to the seller’s identity.
Searching Etsy for sellers…
PressedPants : No luck
IronPants: Hit, but no shop
Going to have to start thinking deep… Okay. 14 words, 46 letters..
1446: 31 sellers with 1446 in their name. Who knew there’d be so many. No one with “Pants” in their name. I’ll come back to this one.
FortySix: Six hits, no shops
Fourteen: 61 people with “fourteen” in their name. Too vague.
FourteenFortySix: No hits. Didn’t expect one. I doubt this seller can spell all the numerals between zero and ten, or count to 20 unless she is nekkid.
How about the obvious:
IJustPressedMyPants: No hits
IJustPissedMyPants: No hits
Pressed: 100 people
Pants: 2,196 people. I’m getting worse at this.
Dumbfuck: No hits.
Feel free to try your own attempts. I’m sure it’s a clue.
March 15, 2011 at 11:50 am
I think “pressed my pants” was a reference to “crease and desist”, rather than an actual clue.
March 15, 2011 at 12:10 pm
I like your thinking…but I think the pressed pants reference is related to the Crease and desist order…….OK, I’m going to search for awhile…….
March 15, 2011 at 12:35 pm
You would think, but no… Helen’s devious wit goes beyond the first obvious layer. She works schemes within schemes into her humor. This is a clue. I know it is.
March 15, 2011 at 1:28 pm
A scheme within a scheme…
Inceptsyon ?
March 15, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Are you saying she’s NOT AFRAID TO USE A LAYER?
March 15, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I missed one thing that might be a clue:
“I’d tell you who sent this to me, but I just pressed my pants.”
It’s all one syllable words. It’s a message in understandable one syllable words, so simple that the email sender can read it; yet it’s also a clue to the seller’s identity, while hiding under the theme of putting a crease in one’s pants.
Diabolickle Whimsickle Fuckery, I tell ya!
Where’s that Scotch. I put it here somewhere…
March 15, 2011 at 11:45 am
I believe this is one of those “brain teasers” where they prove how the human mind can read any sentence as long as the first and last letters of each word are correct.
“Smotehnig liek tihs”, but with more hilarious rage and impotent flailing. I AM NTO ARFIAD TO CNOTCAT MY LAYER!
March 15, 2011 at 11:46 am
Holy shitballs. I just started reading regretsy, waited until I read the WHOLE archive and then signed up.
Boom here I am. And reading that gave me such a headache I might have to go back over to etsy and find some vintage steampunk tylenol in a hand crafted bottle.
March 15, 2011 at 11:46 am
I TIHNK HTIS IS A RTOLL
March 15, 2011 at 11:47 am
not afraid to use a lawyer but spell check… yeah afraid to use that
March 15, 2011 at 11:48 am
OK, I think I translated it and my brain hurts
Helen Killer,
A concerned customer advised me tha one of my inspired creations was recently featured on your website.
After spending a considerable amount of time perusing your wonderful site, I was unable to locate the listing. It is possible it has already been removed due to possible repercussions.
Though I do know know which of my creations was listed, I sincerely request that you refrain from listing another.
I have secured legal counsel, and legal action will be taken which may result in the inability of you to conduct your business.
The serious nature of this notification is evident and in addition to myself, a number of trusted individuals will also be reviewing the content of your website to ensure that my request has been complied with.
Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.
March 15, 2011 at 11:53 am
You could make a lot of money doing that on Etsy.
March 15, 2011 at 11:48 am
This email surely wins some kind of prize for the most misspellings in one missive.
Unreal.
March 15, 2011 at 11:49 am
Usually, when writing in all caps, the spell check feature assumes the word is some sort of proper noun, abbreviation, or acronym and will ignore the typographical errors. The caps lock key was her downfall.
March 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm
That was her downfall? I’m pretty sure she is beyond the help that spell check can provide.
March 15, 2011 at 2:20 pm
It was absolutely her downfall. With all of the features and apps on computers and available through the internet, it’s pretty hard to look stupid, grammatically speaking. But she did. Damned caps lock key. If it wasn’t for that key, she might not have been featured, or her identity might not have been kept secret, which would have resulted in more sales for her. Her downfall.
March 15, 2011 at 11:52 am
Weight… someone is actually threatening TO read this sight and tell all they’re friendz to read this sight? I think I need to start a thread on Etsy about this!
March 15, 2011 at 11:53 am
You got a flounce from a LOLcat? Cool.
March 15, 2011 at 11:54 am
Flounceariffic!
I think this person may want to check under “Annoying Descriptions”.
March 15, 2011 at 11:54 am
Wow! I don’t really know what to say. If this is her quiet serious, I’d hate to see what her loud serious looks like!
March 15, 2011 at 11:55 am
Look out bitches! She’s not afraid to use a layer!
March 15, 2011 at 11:56 am
Are layers cheaper than lawyers?
March 15, 2011 at 12:20 pm
They use a tiered payment system.
March 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm
They’re just deeper, that’s all.
March 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm
You mean derper
March 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Thank you for saying that. I admit, I had no idea wtf she was talking about. I thought, “Surely this is some internet ninja jargon that I just don’t know. Afterall, she is serious!”
March 15, 2011 at 11:56 am
Was the person really listed on here? Because I will search every post until i find them, which shouldn’t be hard if all their listings are typed
like this!
March 15, 2011 at 1:10 pm
It may take you all noght.
March 15, 2011 at 11:57 am
I cut and pasted that into MS Word and ran the spell check. It asked me “Are you sure you wanna do this?”
March 15, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Wow. I had no idea that even Word has standards!
March 16, 2011 at 8:32 am
Super awesome!
March 15, 2011 at 11:58 am
I really want to laugh at this person but she so clearly has some sort of mental deficiency that I feel badly about doing it…
March 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm
I didn’t think it was possible to use the Internet with so many stuck/broken keys on the keyboard.
March 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Please cross post this one to passive aggressive notes…
March 15, 2011 at 12:03 pm
I knew we shouldn’t have let grandma out of the home.
March 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm
While they are not afraid to use a “layer” they are clearly afraid to use a dictionary.
March 15, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Clearly Hooked on Phonics did NOT work for her.
March 17, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I believe you mean Hookt un fontics.
March 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm
How did she get “worried”, “serious” and “featured” right but not “piece” or “night”? You madame, are an inspiration to English students everywhere… To keep studying.
March 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm
I think she wanted to mix it up with some “fancy” words so she’d be taken more seriously.
March 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I AM afraid to use a layer, due to my raging cloacaphobia. Otherwise I’d sue you’re discusting sight and become as rich as Croesus (and Desistus).
March 15, 2011 at 12:13 pm
OK EVERYONE: HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO TRANSLATE THIS RANT? IS ANYONE READING,OR IS EVERYONE JUST TALKING, I MEAN TYPING. I CALL A CREASE AND DESIST ODOR!
March 15, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I thought that as well, until I reached MAG’s (#76) translation. S/he takes the cake!
March 16, 2011 at 6:48 am
Thank you…BTW…I’m a He! *checking*…yes, He. And for the sake of the other readers, I will also translate Humalong’s statement.
Dear Loyal Regretsy Followers,
It is becoming evident that there is a great deal of redundancy in the translation of the previous posting.
In the future, it would behoove everyone if they would read all postings prior to making their submissions to this fine website.
Would everyone please refrain from making this type of comment on this post?
Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.
March 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm
i can almost guarantee that we don’t want to know who this seller is! what if her fuckery is actually good? we’ll all feel robbed and dirty.
March 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm
I call fake!
I only hope it is because otherwise I’ll have wasted a very good bottle and too many tears.
March 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Oh, coward! At first I thought she was calling you a “c-word”.
March 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm
That’s exactly what I thought lol
March 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Me too.
March 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Okay, listen. What do we know?
1) She has been on here before
2) She said it was her “Art” that was posted.
3) Apparently all her posts are spelled like this
4) She has actually decent work.
I’m thinking, something “steampunk”?
March 15, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Except that we don’t know she’s been on here before. Even she can’t find it. This appears to just be a pre-emptive crease and desist.
March 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 15, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Aside from the kid’ ball pit spilled on the grey Martian landscape, that isn’t really that bad…
March 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Also, Peice, and Quarts, (Quartz) but I agree, it’s just not f’d up enough.
March 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Layers and creases are so 2008.
March 15, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Others have mentioned LOL Cats, but I really wasn’t aware that cats did crafts. Oh wait … mine crap! That’s a craft.
In teh immoral wrds of teh interwebs: Ur doin it rong.
March 15, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Culod it be tihs?
http://www.etsy.com/people/grandbigdog?ref=ls_profile
March 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Oh good lord, I hope it is, because otherwise it means there’s more than one of them!
March 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm
AHHH! Taken from that seller’s profile:
“TAKE A LOOK YOU WILL NOT BE DIAPPOINTED WITH OF MY STUFF BACK MY REPLICATION ON THIS.”
What does this mean?!?!?
March 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm
“replication?”
March 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I ran it through Google Translate on the Idiot to English setting and got: “Take a look! You will not be disappointed with my stuff. I’d back my reputation on this.”
March 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm
I think you hit the bajingo.
March 15, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I think it is!!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68980665/happy-bunny
March 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm
It’s the happy bunny/pikachu earring person!
I was looking around earlier to see who it might be and thought that could be it. I came across this ring: http://www.etsy.com/listing/22012483/pretty-ruby-chip-ring-size
It’s very clearly not rubies….whether real or fake, those have to be amethyst. Since I was past that page earlier, they’ve amended the description to say “HI PRETTY RING LOOKS LIKE REAL RUBY CHIPS WITH DIAMONDS I WORE SEVERAL TIMES BUT NO LONGER FITS ME ANY MORE SIZE 8.25 VERY NEET RING MARKED 925.(tested with gem tester real rubys )”
Does Etsy have a reporting system for misrepresenting a product?
March 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm
i may be wrong, but i worked at kay jewelers for years and never heard of a gem tester, just a diamond tester– the carbon in the diamonds is what makes the detector go off.
March 15, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Actually, with a crappy camera under either fluorescent or really yellow incandescent light, pinkish rubies would look purple. Not that I am defending the seller or even the listing, but I can believe from the sort of texture of those stones that they *could* be really crappy rubies.
As for testers–you can definitely get a kit to test the metal, but I haven’t heard of a home kit for testing stones. If this woman knows how to test on the Mohs hardness scale I’ll eat my socks.
March 15, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Tested with a Coke/50′s themed diner chain in Orange County, CA?
(Damn, but I miss the blue cheese burgers at Ruby’s…..)
March 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Technically they’d be purple sapphires, since only “ruby red” corundum can be legally called ruby, but they could very well be real… just cheap. You won’t find top quality gems set in sterling. (Odd that someone who “makes jewelry” doesn’t know what .925 means.)
March 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm
YESSSS!
But how could she not find the peice, its write they’re on Page too of this discusting sight!
March 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Woops, you beat me to the question by seconds!
March 15, 2011 at 5:46 pm
She’s obviously not the brightest crayon in the box.
March 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm
It makes a lot of sense, but how could she miss it if she looked through the site all night and couldn’t find it? It’s pretty freakin recent.
March 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I think if she was really checking on the site like she said, she would have responded to this thread in some way.
March 15, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Dear god. Grandbigdog has left me speechless. I am sorely tempted to heart her shop just to remind myself why I spend what I do on supplies, charge what I do, take the time I do, and beat myself up over my photography.
March 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Feedback: 4882, 100% pos.
That’s what worries me.
March 15, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Though it could be that includes seller feedback too. She could just be buying a lot of stuff.
March 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm
She’s made 7640 sales.
Damn, that’s a huge family.
March 15, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Has to be her, with a profile like that! Someone quickly take her keyboard away. And beat the crap out of her with it!
March 15, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Yeah… this is who I thought it was. Some of her stuff is cute, but dayum. She’s bat-shit crazy.
March 16, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Awfull stuff that looks like it came from claires or a recently dead womans box of shit jewelry
March 15, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Well, hell yeah! More trafik for yur discusting sight now that all of their frends and fmly will be cheking up on you! Screw creasing!
God, this message volated my eyeballs…
March 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm
i think i found her
http://www.etsy.com/people/grandbigdog?ref=ls_profile
March 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm
TAKE A LOOK YOU WILL NOT BE DIAPPOINTED
March 15, 2011 at 2:28 pm
You may be right. I really love the pin that is obviously a penguin, but is labeled “pelican” and “pelcan”.
March 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm
And despite all that… she has over 7000 sales.
March 15, 2011 at 8:11 pm
well, most sellers are charging 14 bucks for assemblage, she’s charging less than even the Asian wholesale resellers er I mean vintage er I mean
March 15, 2011 at 11:05 pm
Look at her “left for others”
http://www.etsy.com/people/grandbigdog/feedback?type=for_others&page=16
It is her, commenting on….her (this is sad)
March 15, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I think we’ve got a winner.
March 15, 2011 at 12:35 pm
The best part is, the sender spells peice, peiec…piece (dammit) three different ways in one letter.
March 15, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Because I have this kind of time, here’s my best guess — ETSY store “PaulaReaves”:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69991259/lampworked-glass-peach-orange-pendent
Did I win?
March 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm
OOOh, this one is good two! I mean, to!
March 15, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Good guess, but I don’t think it’s bad enough.
March 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Erodecent: something that’s erotic, but decent.
March 15, 2011 at 9:39 pm
It’s a stiff competition between Paula and Dawn. Check out this lovely cross chocker by Paula: http://www.etsy.com/listing/69992525/pink-and-brown-crystal-cross-chocker-set?ref=v1_other_1
Versus the MOTORCYLE EARRINGS by Dawn:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/34002690/cute-motorcyle-earrings-handmade
Not to mention the very “FUN” and “BOO” Halloween “squished punkin” pendant necklace:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/34002690/cute-motorcyle-earrings-handmade
My vote’s with Dawn.
March 15, 2011 at 9:41 pm
PS I think I found another layer here. Or a layid. Or a layard.
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/40358157
Does she mean lanyard or lariat? Does it matter?
March 23, 2011 at 8:22 am
I think she means layered. (IE, lawyered.)
May 1, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Erodecent instead of iridescent? Chockers rather than chokers? If you can’t spell what you make, don’t sell it!
March 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm
The email is so fucked up, it has to be a work of art, in and of itself. Thus by posting the email, you’ve violated the sender’s wishes.
BUTT EYE THYNX DA SELELRE IZ TWO MUHC UV AH SHITWIT TWO KNWO WEE ARR MEKKIN FUNN WIT HUR SPLLENG ARRORS
March 15, 2011 at 12:43 pm
The comments are the funniest. I’m pressing my pants too!
March 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Oh man. I think I may have found her, but after seeing her profile pic, state of residence and her “about me” section… I kind of pity her.
March 15, 2011 at 12:54 pm
As the owner of an undergraduate degree in English, I can confidently state that much of this email resembles Middle English. In my head, it reads with a Chaucerian accent.
March 15, 2011 at 10:37 pm
I prefer to think of it as ‘typing in tongues’.
March 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm
for some reason i think the sender of this email is “snood lady” http://www.regretsy.com/?s=snood
…all caps, same huffy flouncy tone.. thoughts?
March 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Snood chick was too articulate. She knew words like “suggestion” and “evidently” and even knew the difference between “then” and “than” so nah, I don’t think this is her.
March 15, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Yeah, definitely not the snood lady unless she had someone else write it for her.
March 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm
I vote for this being the person who sent you the crease and deceased latter.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/66653017/chrochet-multicolor-afagan-with-tosels
March 15, 2011 at 5:37 pm
I vote Pikachu earrings vendor, but afagan tosels had this
http://www.etsy.com/listing/66738022/clown-oil-painting-unique-original-by
Scared now.
March 16, 2011 at 9:13 am
“tosels” made me laugh so hard I nearly fell over.
March 15, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Reget say mate Nel so mad tay. Nel hire layer tay. Him big ta-ta’s.
Nel wit little ta-ta’s like tee in the win. Like tee in the win.
March 15, 2011 at 1:28 pm
I wish I could like this twice. I’m thinking of starting a line of bumper stickers that don’t mean a damn thing, so that hipsters will have something to put on their fixed gear bikes. I think, “like tee in the win” would be perfect. I’ll even give you a cut of the profits. You’re looking at a potential 20 to 25 cents.
March 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Nel layer say like tee in the win calls more than tennyfi sens.
March 15, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Hmmm… My guess is its the crazy hat lady and/or the letter was typed by the same chicken that does the Peck of the Day. It would certainly explain the threat of layers.
March 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Oh dear God I think it’s my BF ex-wife…there certainly can’t be two people in the world this ignorant.
March 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm
her layer and frends will be reeding you’re discusting sight, you cwoard! crease and desist! this is quiet a sereous sitchewashun.
March 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Here’s what really gets me; her name is RIGHT THERE in the “to” and STILL she manages to misspell it! That, and apparently in all her frantic searching of Regretsy, she missed this entry: Big Legal Sounding. Come on people, get over it!
March 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm
The ominous “DO NOT TRY IT” at the end is just icing on the cake. Beware or she’ll send you another smorgasbord of capital letters.
March 15, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Icing? Is that for the layer cake she’s baking?
March 15, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Bingo…
http://www.etsy.com/shop/grandbigdog?ref=seller_info
March 15, 2011 at 3:00 pm
And here’s Evidence A…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/42480421/wood-dounut-dandling-earrings
I rset my csae…I shoold bee a layer…
March 15, 2011 at 4:19 pm
This is it…
This MUST be it.
Many many sales..but little listed over $3 in cost.
All caps, same spelling.
I almost feel kinda sad for her.
March 15, 2011 at 4:59 pm
“dandling”
…..I would like to stress that the word is not a typo..It was used twice in the listing.
For some reason..that word alone makes me feel nothing but compassion for the poor woman.
That is unless she starts pushing the Jesus on me, as I sense they are buddies. I fucking hate Jesus.
March 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/35944914
March 15, 2011 at 4:21 pm
That’s just putrid…I mean, puttdrid…
March 15, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Maybe it’s
http://www.etsy.com/people/LittleAngelsJewelry?ref=ls_profile
b/c I found *some* all-caps stuff and horrible grammar and also items which were posted on regretsy:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/40492099/great-wedding-gifts-cufflinks-groomsmen
http://www.etsy.com/listing/40492895/octopus-time-traveler-necklace
March 15, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Quite possibly- the key is who had their stuff on Regretsy. GrandBigDog? Has this shop had items on Regretsy?
March 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Now I am convinced that #103 (and others) is correct.
March 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I like how there’s 5 year olds on Etsy now. It would explain why some listings look like they were made during recess.
March 15, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Makes me shudder to think of what our education system has become.
March 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I’m curious . . . was anything of hers actually posted here? Or is this “WORRIED PERSON AND CSUTOMER” mistaken and/or a figment of this woman’s imagination? Not only doesn’t she “KNWO” what of hers was posted, she doesn’t “KNWO” if it was posted at all. Is her nearly unintelligible rage not only disproportionate but also entirely misplaced?
Also, I love that I can’t tell if she is more irritated because her “ART” piece was featured on Regretsy, or that she couldn’t find it here after all despite an entire “NOGHT” looking for it.
March 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Just a little reminder – This charming person most likely has a driver’s license and could be on the road with YOU.
Careful out there.
March 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Courtney Love has an Etsy shop?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
March 15, 2011 at 1:52 pm
I think someone needs to do some kinetic typography on this a la
March 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/558516
(Sorry – link didn’t work)
March 16, 2011 at 9:26 am
I clicked the link.
And then I had to replay it twice more because, let’s face it, that was pricelessly funny.
March 17, 2011 at 7:39 pm
wow
March 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I think someone caught em up thread..
With descriptors like “high class”…to tag elastic loops with “dew dropped” polyester flowers glued to them..
(nicely cutting off Baby’s cranial circulation..but what price beauty?)
..We have someone making a whole series of questionable choices,daily.
March 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm
So, if seller doesn’t know what peice you featured, how will she know if you put it up again?
March 15, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Oh please please please tell us who it is!! I so want to submerge her etsy page in “discusting” comments.
March 15, 2011 at 2:03 pm
My guess is this seller has reached an “all time low” yes this is a hint and her descriptions now include copyright mentions (lots of Regretsians comments) but the spelling hasn’t been corrected. I also cannot find the post anymore either
March 15, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. My brother is a layer and would never take a case like this. Ha, ha, ha.
March 15, 2011 at 2:12 pm
I’d reply, but I’m pretty sure I just pressed my pants as well.
March 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm
I love the smackdown this person (and all their friends and family) will receive after sending everyone they know to see “you’re dicusting site” and your crease and desist posted here.
Consider yourself creased and desisted.
March 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Is this person for real?
I really think she needs a “peice” to set her
straight or at least to keep her occupied.
March 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm
I wonder how high a retainer she’d be willing to pony up?
-RL
The Law Firm of Koppian and Paystin, LLP
March 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Someone suggested earlier that this seller maybe the person. I don’t know, but I do know that this arrowhead necklace looks more like a buttplug to me.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68696845/unique-hand-made-arrow-head-necklace?ref=pr_shop
March 15, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Fairly certain the seller is “toofashion2010″ (Kathleen Hepburn pendant). She routinely uses “no” instead of “not” in her descriptions.
March 15, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Maybe it’s the Y U NO guy?
March 15, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I loved that scene in The Social Network: “Layer up, asshole!”
March 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Thanks for giving the heads up on her meaning ‘lawyer’. I had it as laser and was very worried for Ms Killer.
March 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Bad spellers of the world…..untie!
March 15, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Steotch needs this on a sampler.
March 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Let’s just hope she doesn’t take it to
levellayer 6 and make it an INCREASE and DECEASED letter!March 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Epic.
I’d do anything to visit this store.
March 15, 2011 at 5:35 pm
When I first saw “Layer” I thought of Photoshop, and I was all like, Huh? She’s going to hurt HK with Photoshop? And then I was all like…oooooh lawyer! Oooooh. Aww.
March 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm
That would only be a Level 1 Photoshop.
March 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I think we have it all wrong. I think this is a fan letter. Maybe a love note. HK, prepare to be
stawkedslatked…saklted. Fuck.March 15, 2011 at 6:09 pm
You’d think the crease desist was needed for the artist from yesterday…..
March 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm
I’m not afraid to use a layer either. I just put on a sweater.
March 15, 2011 at 6:21 pm
The amount of Pure Derp in this message is simply mind-boggling!
March 15, 2011 at 6:32 pm
Someone suggested this seller as the possible author (and I use this term loosely) of the letter:
http://www.etsy.com/people/UINMIND
I think they just wanted this seller to give them a discount on this…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/66224057/ladies-custom-professional-clown-costume?ref=pr_shop
-Meghan
http://big-belliedbeautysguidetodisneyworld.blogspot.com/
March 20, 2011 at 6:47 am
Quess she dont on no hangres neethar, jes lais hur stuf on da flor.
March 15, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
March 15, 2011 at 7:26 pm
*adjusts tie*
Tough Room!
March 15, 2011 at 6:47 pm
is s/he let is snow’s cousin?
March 15, 2011 at 7:05 pm
I think it’s has to be GrandBigDog… She even updated her “Pokeman” earrings and somehow managed to correctly spell “Happy Bunny”.
I still can’t believe it took her all night to find her item, which is on page 2.
Dial-up, maybe?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68980665/happy-bunny
March 17, 2011 at 4:29 am
I actually messaged happy bunny ‘pokemAn’ girl yesterday, and told her to correct it. LOL
March 15, 2011 at 7:31 pm
I try to keep my cat from posting on the the internet. I even changed the password on his gmail account, but I’ll be damned if Calwdio didn’t figure it out again. No Friskies for you. Bad kitty.
March 15, 2011 at 8:21 pm
THIS IS GETIGN REDIULUS, WYH WONT U PPEPOPLE STOP MACGEING FUN OF TEH RAEL ARISTS IN ETSY. U SIT NO UR ASSES N DON MACGE NUTHON. U R SICK N HOERUBLE N DIZCUSTIN!!!
March 15, 2011 at 8:32 pm
Definitely grandbigdog. She has the peka chew earrings from a few days ago! And it also seems she’s fixing some of her glaring abuse of the English language… “Pelican” is now spelled correctly..
Also, TIGAR NECK!.
Pardon me if any of this has been posted. I just worked 12 hours and for the rest of tonight, not a single damn will be given.
March 15, 2011 at 8:35 pm
The peaka chew earrings are now “happy bunny” earrings.
March 15, 2011 at 9:18 pm
Agreed, it’s definitely granbigdog.
March 17, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Permid
http://www.etsy.com/listing/41094670/red-coral-permid-pendent-necklace
March 15, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Hi dere. I iz a reel layer and membre of the bra and this here Derp reads just like the letters we get from dudes in prison who want us to sue the Jury for finding them guilty.
March 15, 2011 at 10:26 pm
Wow. I…wow…
u ken haz spelchek nao?
March 16, 2011 at 12:22 am
Proof that there are no lifeguards in the gene pool!
March 16, 2011 at 12:52 am
This looks like it was pecked out by the Etsy peck of the day chicken. I think we’ve pissed her off.
March 16, 2011 at 6:54 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/61484568/rhinestone-bettle
BROWN PAINTED ENEMAL SQUARES
March 16, 2011 at 10:41 am
Of course they are brown.
March 16, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Not Always.
March 19, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Depending on what one has been consuming, I suppose!
March 16, 2011 at 7:26 am
I’m going to take a guess and say this was written by Tara Gilesbie. (For those of you who don’t know, she wrote this wonderful fanfic: http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm)
March 16, 2011 at 9:40 am
Clicked the link.
Started to read.
Had to give up.
Wow.
March 17, 2011 at 6:59 pm
I should have warned you that the link might ruin you if you had any faith in the english language or Harry Potter.
March 16, 2011 at 11:13 am
Sounds like a 12-15 year old sparkledog fanatic from Deviantart. Tell me this isn’t coming from an adult.
March 16, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Oh, just post the link to their site! Come on!
March 16, 2011 at 4:51 pm
March 16, 2011 at 8:41 pm
oh my god.
Somebody please put this slurry of words on a mug and sell it in the zazzle store.
March 16, 2011 at 9:57 pm
A note on grandbigdog –
If you go to her ‘earrings’ page (perhaps searching desperately for the peka chew earrings you really want to buy) you will note that she refers to these … crafts … as “SOME MORE TREASURES I MADE OR FOUND IN JUNK SHOPS”.
If your description of your handiwork has the word junk in it, perhaps you should reflect on the choices you have made in your life.
Also, Helen, if it is her, you should really tell us. Or if it’s not, tell us anyway.
March 16, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I like that he/she says, “I WILL BE READING YOU’RE SIGHT EVERY DAY TO SEE IF YOU HAVE VOLATED THIS ORDER AND I WILL HAVE ALL OF MY FRENDS AND FMILY READ TEH SITE [sic] TO CHECK UP ON YOU ALSO…” Way to drive more page views to your new arch nemesis, kiddo.
March 17, 2011 at 3:58 pm
I think the funniest part is that in her protest of your SIGHT, she’s actually bringing you more web page hits by having other people come here.
But you’d better listen to her, or she will kick you out of the business that is THE INTERNET.
March 17, 2011 at 7:07 pm
New to Regretsy. Love it so far. But what’s a DERP?
March 17, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Basically, utter fail.
March 23, 2011 at 8:45 am
What’s the etymology of derp? I too am an humble newcomer.
I usually just think of this jester (though he’s saying “durp”):
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=270
March 17, 2011 at 8:54 pm
Oh my god, it IS grandbigdog. It has to be! And how has she sold so many stupidly crafted items? Do you you think she buys them herself to make her seem like she has a lot of sales and reviews?
March 17, 2011 at 8:57 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/70150858/shell-hoops?ref=v1_other_2
pretty MOP hoop earings.
you mean MOD?
March 23, 2011 at 8:38 am
MOP = mother of pearl
March 18, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Was she drunk? I’m spanish, and think that my english is better…
March 19, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Wait. You can sell thousands of pairs of Avon earrings purchased at garage sales on Etsy? Thousands? Buggering tits. I knew I should have never gone to college.
March 20, 2011 at 12:19 am
Dear Strong Bad,
How do you type with boxing gloves on???
Crapfully yours,
GypsyHoney
March 20, 2011 at 6:22 am
Is it from the maker of the pajamas with Rougdolf the Raindeer on them?
March 20, 2011 at 6:31 am
Grandbigdogs profile has so many errors. And what the heck is that a picture of in her profile. Is it a feathered sockpuppet???
March 21, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Doesn’t email have spell check? Well if she writes like that obviously she doesnt know how to use it.
That was the best letter I have read in a while.I think a tear just came to my face.
May 26, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Maybe she thinks the red squiggles are the computer’s way of encouraging her rage!
April 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Wow… I have just joined and am reading my way through, crying happily as I go… but this cease and desist is my fav so far.
It really should be for sale as a poster, or offered as a prize. I’d put this on my wall next to Bless This House.
I already bought the chocolate post card and am feeling that most anything I have around the house or can “create” should be added to my Etsy shop. Bless you .. or curse you… I’m not sure which.
May 1, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Oh my goodness…. How did this person pass her high school exit exams, let alone figure out how to make something and sell it online?
May 6, 2011 at 10:35 pm
THIS IS QUIET SRS BDNESS – LAYERS WILL GET GOT
November 16, 2011 at 3:17 pm
December 4, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Look though, you just made a DAILY reader out of her AND her friends and family! (now, if only they were literate enough to understand it.)