GIVE ME THE PRECIOUS
If you read this site with any regularity, and really, why wouldn’t you, you already know about Steotch.
Steotch makes strange samplers, and I buy a lot of them. In fact, Steotch is my favorite Etsy seller, and this is hanging in my kitchen.
I know. Don’t hate.
Well no, you can hate. You have no choice, really. Even I hate myself, and it’s my sampler.
Anyway, I’ve bought several of her pieces now, and last month, I bought this one.
How incredible is that? Amazeballs, that’s how. And the little ring is embroidered in gold metallic thread, just to make you even more jealous and unpleasant.
Now, we’re a little nerdy over here, and we definitely could have found a place in our home for this. Next to the replica of Darth Vader’s lightsaber, perhaps. Or maybe alongside our oil on velvet of Admiral Ackbar.
But when you love something, you set it free. And so we did.
We wrapped this sampler up, and we gave it to our friend Randy.
Randy was the Animation Director on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. He and his team actually created Gollum.
To me, this is a perfect Etsy moment. This is how it’s supposed to work. Talented people making amazing crafts that find their way into the homes and hearts of other smart and talented people. And the circle of fuckery is complete.
Or you could just glue a plastic chrysanthemum on a box of Kotex and call it steampunk.
March 10, 2011 at 1:35 pm
True! That is how it’s supposed to work… in theory. Thanks for showcasing that seller. I’ve bookmarked it!
March 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Yaaaay!!! Party at our place! If they ask you at the door, the password is “Amazeballs”.
Namaste, bitches ~ and thanks for sharing the picture, HK!!!
March 10, 2011 at 8:53 pm
This post gave me a much-needed smile today. Congrats to you for your success! I would have to also say that “Bless This House” is one of my faves. Just added you to my favorites!
March 11, 2011 at 2:39 am
steotch,you rock! On my way to check out your digs…
March 10, 2011 at 1:35 pm
soo precious indeed
March 10, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Fuckery might not make the world go ’round, but it sure makes the ride a lot more pleasant!
March 10, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I was feeling pretty gloomy today and this post genuinely warmed my heart. Thank you.
March 10, 2011 at 1:42 pm
that whole story is beautiful awesome.
March 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm
LURVE.
March 10, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Steotch is kicking ass and taking names. Love their/him/her stuff.
March 10, 2011 at 2:47 pm
We/he/she love(s) you(r) back(s), lovely Regretsians.
March 10, 2011 at 6:56 pm
I WILL be buying patterns from you and passing the link on to friends. I recently had a whole long conversation with a friend about how much we both love to do cross stitch but if we saw another pattern with fucking 1 Corinthians 13 we were going to jam our needles in our eyes and string ourselves up with our floss.
March 10, 2011 at 10:38 pm
Or wizards, or angels, or Native Americans…
March 10, 2011 at 10:40 pm
To clarify, Native Americans as subjects of kitsch.
March 10, 2011 at 1:49 pm
HOLY BUDDHA. I need that. I guess I would have to learn to cross stitch first or something though.
March 10, 2011 at 1:52 pm
The genuine smile on your friend Randy’s handsome face made me a little teary. Thank you.
March 10, 2011 at 1:53 pm
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March 10, 2011 at 1:55 pm
I am jealous! I want to track your house down and steal all your fuckery. But that wouldn’t be very nice of me. Especially since you bring me such joy every day when work gets boring.
March 10, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Think of it this way, stealing the current fuckery makes room for new and exciting fuckery. We’re doing her a favour, see? Meet you out back in ten.
March 10, 2011 at 1:56 pm
The only thing wrong with this story is that I didn’t see it in time to order one for my Dad’s birthday.
Bookmarking for next year.
March 10, 2011 at 2:01 pm
This is a beautiful thing. It’s a good kind of crazy.
March 10, 2011 at 2:04 pm
I think I really love Steotch now.
March 10, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Nice! Perfectly personal!
“We swears…to serve the master of the Precious, we will swear on…on…the Precious!”
March 10, 2011 at 2:11 pm
ARGLARGGLSLRRLOVE!!!
March 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Btw I sent it to a friend of mine who doesn’t know much about regretsy yet, and afaik he’s still in immeasurable awe and recovering from the cultural shock of this:
“And the circle of fuckery is complete.
Or you could just glue a plastic chrysanthemum on a box of Kotex and call it steampunk.”
Thank you HK!
March 10, 2011 at 2:13 pm
AHH!!!!!! Nerd love! I have an instant nerdy crush on him just for being involved in the movie.
March 10, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I need to incorporate “amazeballs” into my daily lexicon.
Regretsy – where “joy” is spelled W-T-F.
March 11, 2011 at 1:07 am
I too would like to use “amazeballs” on a regular basis, anyone know if it’s copyrighted???
March 10, 2011 at 2:18 pm
I love when fuckery is used for the greater good.
March 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm
greater good made think of the movie Hot Fuzz. LOL
March 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Calculusgirl!
I had to give you thumbs up for the Hiccup and Toothless moment. I totally geeked out on that movie after my Grandson loaned it to me.
Sorry everyone else for being off topic…nothing to see here, move along now.
March 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm
My husband and I loved Toothless.Oddly enough, that dragon reminded us strongly of our black cat Lily (the one wearing the donut bag in my avatar).
Off to forward this entry to him.He would’ve loved to work on LoTR.
March 10, 2011 at 6:24 pm
@Catherder
Oddly enough, Toothless completely reminded me of my cat as well.
I’ve visited Regretsy for a few months now and while I mostly come for steampunk octopussy’s (pussies?) and hair dolls/buttplugs, I stay for the occasional glimpses of wicked talent like steotch
March 11, 2011 at 10:41 am
Toothless is my favorite thing ever. I want one.
March 11, 2011 at 11:39 am
Toothless is a dead-on representation of my friend’s little black cat… who promptly kicks everyone’s asses in the house.
March 10, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Helen I love you even more that you are a fan of House!!! Platonic of course!
March 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm
How amazing it must feel for Steotch to know that her art is in his hands. I just can’t imagine how awesome that must be! Kudos to you for making that happen–such a gift you gave!
March 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Yes ~ this!!! We’re so unbelievably happified by this picture. More precious than gold metallic thread, that.
March 10, 2011 at 7:53 pm
You’re very talented and original! You deserve recognition!
March 11, 2011 at 11:42 am
This is the sort of thing that almost makes it worth wading through be-ribboned clothespins and plastic cups filled with years of tulle.
March 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm
I recently read Andy Serkis’s book about making Gollum happen. Serkis speaks very highly of Randy and the team. This is the utterly coolest gift ever to an utterly cool person. The look on Randy’s face says it all.
March 10, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Words cannot express how much I want that House sampler. No really, just tonight I was sharing the link with a friend who was talking about House.
Bad times…
March 11, 2011 at 4:38 pm
oh, my god, ME, TOO. my soul aches because i cannot have it. sadness.
March 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Holy Goatse, Batman. Amazeballs for sure.
March 10, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I love the description for the Erin Goatse Bragh. It is hilarious.
“Some people say we’re a little anal about making high-quality traditional samplers. Well there’s nothing a little anal about this work of our hands! We’ve painstakingly worked every plunging stitch, and firmly stretched the piece into its striking frame. This work is sure to forever change how you see the traditional Irish claddagh. No matter how hard you try.”
LULZ
March 10, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Oh God, I’m wearing a claddagh.
March 10, 2011 at 2:36 pm
“I get by with a little fuckery from my friends!” Truly a feel good WTF moment . Love it!
March 10, 2011 at 2:37 pm
My stone-cold, frozen heart just melted a little.
March 10, 2011 at 2:41 pm
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March 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm
No snark today I guess. We loves it too much precious. Regretsy is so awesome.
March 10, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I am so sorry- I accidentally hit the thumbs down but I meant to hit the thumbs up.
So I registered just to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry. So yeah…
it loves your comment, precious, truly it does.
March 10, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Aw, so sweet!
P.S. I love you for your name, being a big fan of the mustelid myself.
March 10, 2011 at 3:09 pm
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March 10, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Am I the only one who sees the awesomeness in your friendship with the Artistic Director of Lord of the Rings??? Amazeballs I’m jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 10, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Not the only one.That is beyond awesome.
March 10, 2011 at 3:19 pm
I am so misty-eyed. I wish I was your talented friend, too.
March 10, 2011 at 3:22 pm
I just found Regretsy today. I think… I’ve found Heaven.
I loves the precious, but “God Bless This House” is the MOST AWESOME piece of fuckery I’ve EVER seen.
Seriously.
March 10, 2011 at 3:24 pm
I don’t hate on you for your awesome collection of embroidery.
I hate on you for having friends who get paid to animate things like Gollum, while I have to animate powerpoint slides for software managers and teach my boss how to burn a CD.
March 10, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I can totally relate!
My kid is going off this fall for Animation/Entertainment Arts. Hopefully all those years of never moving from his computer chair will serve him (and me) well. Hoping for success because he’d completely suck as a janitor! This I know.
March 10, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Dang, this made me shed a little tear – warmed the cockles of my heart with this one.
That’s right, I said cockles.
March 10, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Very nice story – almost too nice for Regretsy. A bit too much whimsy and not enough fuckery? Well, maybe, but sometimes I guess we shouldn’t be so negative. What Frank Burns said is true:
“It’s nice to be nice to the nice.”
March 10, 2011 at 3:37 pm
It’s official, I’ve been milling over what to get my friend for a housewarming gift next month, and thanks to you I’ve found it! I now just have to decide which one suits her more.
March 10, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Can’t go wrong. I agonized over what to get one of my best friends for her birthday – then I remembered Helen’s top five Etsy purchases and the “Bless this House” sampler. I got her the “Give Us Our Daily Cheezburger” one it and its easily the best gift I’ve ever given someone.
March 10, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Yes! Yes! Dammit!! THIS is how etsy SHOULD be. Shit that actually takes work! thought! creativity! skillz! and a totally fucked up sense of humor!
sigh… if it makes anyone else feel better, my husband and i bought most of each others’ xmas presents from REAL artists-crafters on etsy. we were both very happy.
March 10, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I love this site but never comment. This was so cool I just had to say something. Now please, for the love of god, never put any of my etsy ‘art’ on this site, hahaha.
Thanks for the great story!
March 10, 2011 at 4:09 pm
And that’s why Regretsy works so well. April’s formidable wit is outdistanced by her grace, heart and humanity.
March 10, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Now I have to go back and review the whole thing again so I can recapture the growing awe that culminated in a moment of pure joy. Except for the awe and joy that was clouded out by the jealousy part that is.
March 10, 2011 at 4:15 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/60487877/harmless-sampler
awesome
March 10, 2011 at 4:19 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/steotch/5456577286/
not for sale
March 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm
OMFG! A “Manos” sampler! With the MST3K guys! And Torgo! Want!!!
(Taking deep breaths to calm down).
March 11, 2011 at 2:46 am
TORGO! And the red manos themselves! (Manoses? Mani?)
I’m afraid we’re gonna have to wrestle for it.
March 10, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I choked up.
March 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Absolutely wonderful!!!
March 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I’ve posted, like, twice before but had to log in just to say, “I heart this so hard.” Really. (Well, to say that and that I think your friend Randy is totally hot. Yowza.)
March 10, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Sniff… So nice to see House again, glad he went to a good home. For us, this is the best View It In a Room ever. Thanks again, HK.
March 10, 2011 at 5:31 pm
As a LOTR geek from way back (I read the trilogy all the way through for the first time when I was 12), I am completely in awe of you actually being friends with the art director responsible for the awesomeness that was Gollum. The look on his face when you gave him the sampler is priceless.
I come to Regretsy for the snark, but I also enjoy the moments like these-when sellers who make awesome stuff get spotlighted, and we get to learn a little more about HK.
March 10, 2011 at 5:32 pm
HK, Can we do a contest for anything from STEOTCH??? I will wear a dirty kotex on my head for a week, even if I only get a discount!! I am in love! (sexually)
March 10, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I LOVE the Bless This House sampler. I wish I were that friggin brilliant.
March 10, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Love his expression! Great gift match.
March 10, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Gollum has inspired many!
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/02/12/ripley-believe-it-or-not/
March 10, 2011 at 7:10 pm
What a neat moment you made happen there.
Also I really want to go to your house. It seems like a thrift store that was visited by a geek fairy, and then magical things happened.
March 10, 2011 at 7:29 pm
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He made one that quotes Zach Anner!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need it. I need $99 immediately.
March 10, 2011 at 7:35 pm
I’m admitting it.
I got a little tear in my eye.
As a mega fan that does fan-art type stuff, this was a “Holy fucking shit!” moment if I’ve ever seen one.
I’m also admitting I’m jealous.
Way to go, Steotch.
March 10, 2011 at 7:47 pm
I am so wishing that the Admiral was on my wall amidst my family portraits.
March 10, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Oh.my.GAWD.
Erin Goatse Bragh
Life is beautiful.
March 10, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Perhaps in gratitude, Steoch could make Helen a sampler depicting a plastic chrysanthemum glued to a box of Kotex, with the underneath text, “This is Steampunk”.
Or not…
March 10, 2011 at 9:29 pm
I think I just had a nerdgasm.
March 10, 2011 at 9:32 pm
What you can’t see in the picture is the giant flock of legless zombie chickens that are preparing to attack, which is why she is squinting in abject horror.
March 10, 2011 at 10:11 pm
I love her work so much. My favorite is the Mo Money Mo Problems. Well it is hard to choose a favorite really. But I like that one because I called my Thesis (gag) Mo Paint Mo Problems.
It didn’t win the “Best Thesis” award my year, in case you were wondering.
March 10, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Steotch has recently posted a lovely St. Patty’s Day sampler. This one would probably trigger a bidding war if it were on ebay.
March 11, 2011 at 2:24 am
I REMEMBER HIM FROM THE LOTR EXTENDED DVD EXTRAS I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU KNOW HI–
*initiate Hipster Mode*
Yeah, cool. I knew about this guy from like 8 years ago but whatever. Too bad Gollum’s sooo mainstream now (GET IT? Because in one scene he flails about in a STREAM!!! *pause* I’m sorry.)
*Hipster Mode deactivated*
You probably won’t believe me because it seems too great a coincidence, but “Rock and Pool” from the LotR: TTT soundtrack came on my iTunes the minute I saw this post. In other news, I finally have a reason to get a credit card. I need to hit up Steotch’s store.
March 11, 2011 at 7:43 am
I just wanted to add that this was a great way to start the day. THANKS!
March 11, 2011 at 8:11 am
I’d wager that the impressive Steotch is currently working on a sampler inspired by the wit and wisdom of Charlie Sheen.
March 11, 2011 at 8:58 am
NICE!
March 11, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I heart this.
I’m a LOTR fanatic and I cross-stitch! Why didn’t I think of this before?
I do have a pattern featuring artwork of Aragorn and Arwen that I bought a few years back on a site I can’t remember now. The finished size is something huge like 18″ x 24″ with 28-count cloth. That thing’s going to take me 20 years to do.
March 11, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I’m all warm and fuzzy inside now!!! Precious!!!!!
March 12, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Does Randy have ANY idea how incredibly adorable he is? The look on his face is priceless! He’s just precious and I just want to hug him (among other things, tee hee)!
March 12, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Read this the other day and forgot to leave a non-snarky comment where compliments are due.
Both the clever craft and the recipient are AWESOME! If I had money, I’d buy something from that seller.
March 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I am completely, nerdily jealous that you are friends with Randy!!!!1! OMGPonies!
March 14, 2011 at 7:36 am
So very jealous. Good stuff.