- Submitted by Raven

“This is NOT Summer’s Eve!” Like there’s some great disadvantage to buying FDA approved sanitary products made in hygienic conditions. That is so corporate, man. Down with Big Pussy!

I’m sorry, there is no way I’m buying a bag of parsley and cat hair douche from a stranger on the internet. Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t even buy food on Etsy, much less hillbilly bajingo wash.

Honey, if you’re reading this, I think they take Paypal.

Not from Hallmark? Wow, I could have sworn this was from their “Witless Comic Sans Collection”!

This Valentines Day, tell her you’d do it all over again with free paint samples from Home Depot.

Nothing says “be My Valentine” like prison sex. Don’t forget the boxed set of Oz.