SWEET JESUS

A woman gets on an elevator, and there’s a man already on it. She stands with her back to him as they ride up in silence. After a moment, he leans over and whispers, “Excuse me, can I smell your pussy?”

She wheels around, furious.

“No! No you cannot smell my pussy!”

“Oh,” he says. “Must be your feet.”

UPDATE: OH DEAR THERE’S A COMMERCIAL

Laugh all you want, but do you have any idea how hard it is to find accessories for your milk jug?

I JUST WANT NICE JUGS IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK

As you know, Etsy selects their “handpicked” items by throwing corn on a laptop, and just posting whatever the hell their pet chicken pecks out.

Here’s one of the latest featured items, as chosen by PBR, the Etsy hipster chicken.

Here’s what I want to say to the person who made this.

I get it.

Some people might see a piece of wood and a pencil, but I see an incredibly thought provoking and challenging piece of work. There’s more happening here than we can consciously perceive. And it is exactly that complexity that makes this so important, and well worth the $100 asking price.

Oh wait, no that’s not what I meant. “Fuck you.” That’s what I meant.