Peck of the Day
As you know, the people at Etsy hand-pick a selection of super special items to go on their front page every day. These usually include a bridal gown from a Chinese reseller, a busted toy in a jar, 15 year old dry cleaning bags and an upcycled KFC bucket full of pine cones.
You may also know that I believe everything is chosen by the Etsy chicken. I really do. I think the people at Etsy just throw a handful of corn on a laptop and watch him go. Whatever he pecks out goes right on the front page, and then they all go back to listening to Modest Mouse on the ironic 80′s boombox.
Because I can’t think of any other way to explain this.
Welcome to my farm! I’m Farmer Fuckwad and I cook up ribbons every day in my tiny cottage with Shrug, the pint-sized talking horse! Gotta go! I’m expecting a rainbow delivery!
Jesus H. Macy, I just hate this crap. I really do. Everywhere you look people are pretending to pick earrings off of trees or knit with birds or find fairies under rocks. Etsy is like a mental hospital, only with paler colors.
And you know why this forced whimsy is spreading like a flesh-eating bacteria? Because Etsy suggests it. This is actually one of their business tips. Make a story! Create a wonderland! Tell a riveting tale about your $2 worth of cheap shit on a clothespin, and YOU CAN QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!
Isn’t it exciting? Pretty soon you’ll be able to pay your mortgage with those bedazzled plastic cups, because they came from the magical land of Solo, where hot things stay hot and cool things stay cool!
Can you imagine being an actual artisan, someone who blows glass or paints or hand sews clothing, and waking up to this pile of horse shit? I would personally walk over to Etsy’s Honeycomb Hideout and break all their mustaches on sticks.
ETSY: YOUR ONLINE MARKET PLACE TO BUY RIBBON SOMEONE PRETENDED TO MAKE IN A CROCKPOT
February 24, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Oh god they actually pick this kind of thing to feature?! Sad, so sad. I can go to a craft store and buy this ribbon for cheaper. And I don’t get a useless clothes pin either.
February 24, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I hope the chicken who pecked this one out gets fired.
February 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm
What makes me even sadder is that people but this kind of shit. I try to represent myself and my shop as accurately and realistically as possible,I try to be creative and unique, to make things well so they will last and to price fairly and then I see fucking ribbon on a clothespin for $8 getting picked! It’s enough to want to put my head in the damn oven.
February 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm
*buy I’m so mad I can’t even type
February 24, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Jazz, don’t you mean “fried”? I’d hate for a nice chicken to go to waste…
February 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I just can’t bring myself to subscribe to the Etsy Peck of the Day because I am an actual artisan who creates halfway decent shit, and if I didn’t live across the country from these fuckers, I would totally go break their mustaches on sticks, and a few of the ones on guys too. My reaction to it all needs to be buffered by your wit and cleverness in order to not completely lose it. Bless you dear.
February 28, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I could not have said it better myself!!!
February 24, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I’m trying to decide if the seller is just fucking with us. I honestly can’t believe someone would do this for any other reason than to see if someone would really buy it. Or maybe they were really really high when they put this online.
Any other explanation makes me sad. Really sad.
February 24, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I just surfed through her shop and am fascinated that she has a section of photos of button jars that she’s labelled “Craft Room Couture.” I don’t think couture means what she thinks it means.
February 24, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Farm fresh bullshit is more like it.
February 24, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Plus, if I looked at the real Etsy Picks every day, I’d spend half a day dummying up a picture of a gal with a ball-gag in her mouth, patent vinyl waist cincher, and these clothespins on her nipples. Provided she’s a lesbian, of course, because then they’d be PRIDE CLOTHESPINS!!! (Shit, I crack myself up. I don’t care if you guys think that’s funny or not.)
February 24, 2011 at 2:58 pm
I’m just glad I’m not the only one who sees the ‘story selling’ as a nonsensical and rather useless piece of advice.
I like to tell stories about things I’ve bought, but I like them to be stories of how I found it/discovered it/got a great deal, not about how someone picked if off a tree or works in an unheated garage trying to make money to send their ungrateful son to college.
February 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Well, you generally have to cook fibers to dye them. I’ve done it by stuffing yarn into jars filled with dye and microwaving them, and you can do it by stove top or crock pot as well. But if that’s what the seller meant, that’s what the seller ought to have typed. o.O
February 24, 2011 at 3:00 pm
I only buy organic certified, cruelty-free, free range ribbon.
February 24, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Yep. I’m officially disgusted with Etsy’s damned chicken, now. Perhaps it’s time to make a little chicken stock?
Hey! I can even use my crock pot!
February 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Well, the picture has some pretty colors in it.
I’m thinking that this is what you grow in Farmville over on The Facebook. I also think that’s the demographic this “crafter” is going for.
February 24, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Why would I pay 8 bucks for this when I can force my toddler to wind ribbon on clothespins for free?
February 24, 2011 at 3:05 pm
All that bullshit and not a single piece of useful information about the actual fucking ribbon. What material is it? How wide is the ribbon? How much of each length do I receive wrapped around what size fucking clothespin?
February 24, 2011 at 3:05 pm
There’s also “farm fresh” twine and colored clothespins if anyone’s still hungry.
February 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm
I think she got it wrong. The clothespins were the things that were farm fresh, right hanging from Farmer Fran’s husband’s organically-river-washed underwear to dry. Silly seller.
In all seriousness, the least thing she could have done was hang some watch parts or octopi from the wires of the clothes pins so she could sell it as steampunk. Where is her sense of true Whimsy? Farmer Fran’s shit would sell if she was a time traveler.
February 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm
ENSURE. Not insure. She’s used this word incorrectly in every listing I’ve choked over. Homonyms suck, huh, sweetie??
February 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm
I thought they wanted some real crafts from real artisans. I’m gonna stop putting hours into products and go glue some ribbon to paper clips and safety pins. Hey maybe I’ll make earrings out of them too. Might not sell, but at least I’ll get featured.
February 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm
My daughter just said “Pretty…what is it??” From the mouths of babes.
February 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm
How is RIBBON fucking seasonal, anyway?
February 24, 2011 at 3:08 pm
@ #21 MB– “This, my sweet child, is what we call whimsicle fuc–…oh. Well, I guess I’ll have to explain it to you when you’re older.”
February 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm
I can only wonder who blew who to get that on the front page.
February 24, 2011 at 3:11 pm
“..the magical land of Solo..”
God, I want this to be the magical land of HAN Solo.
And then I want to go there.
And do naughty crafts.
February 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm
that ribbon’s only seasonal if it’s long enough to use for dancing around the Maypole at Beltane.
February 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm
LeeLooDallas, have I told you lately how much I love you?
February 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm
@LeeLooDallas #25 You, a young yet appealingly grizzled Harrison Ford, and a pack of pipe cleaners, and rainbow ribbon pegs, huh? We can guess the rest.
February 24, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I don’t disagree one bit that this clothespin ribbon thing is … beyond words – but I don’t think we’re all getting the same daily e-mail. Is this from the “Etsy finds” daily e-mail? If it is, I’m getting cheated, because most of what comes in mine is relatively normal stuff.
February 24, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 24, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Another Sing-along!
Tie a bunch of ribbon round an old clothespin
It took three short seconds
Will you now pay me?
If I don’t sell these ribbons round these old clothespins
I’ll for a walk
And it’ll be you I stalk
If you don’t buy these fucking ribbons round these old clothespins!
February 24, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Speaking of my yahoo, just went in and here is what they sent me, this is why those ribbons wound around a clothespin are the price they are:
“I often hear many sellers fear raising their prices. I implore you to really sit down and make sure you are pricing your work for what it is genuinely worth. I came across a book review today and I want to share the summary of it with you:
“When consumers have trouble differentiating between products, they will fall back on shortcuts to help them make their decisions. Quality Conscious Consumers Will Often Choose The More Expensive Product Automatically. Consumers focused on quality will remember the rule of ‘you get what you pay for,’ even when price is the only evidence that the quality is higher.”
February 24, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Someone has spent WAAAY too much time playing Farmville.
February 24, 2011 at 3:33 pm
@ #25 LeeLooDallas :
You and I must be kindred spirits, because that’s almost exactly what I thought when I read that bit.
“Land of Solo… Han Solo? Hmmm….” *drift*
February 24, 2011 at 3:41 pm
DO NOT AFFECT A BREEZY TONE! DO NOT AFFECT A BREEZY TONE! DO NOT AFFECT A BREEZY TONE!
This message brought to you by William J. Strunk and E.B. White, except that they would have deleted the last two sentences and all of the exclamation points.
Thank you.
February 24, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Hey. I know the feeling. My stuff never gets on the front page.
Its not fair. Hey I live over in Manhattan and they are over in Brooklyn do you want me to go over there and teepee their building with toilet paper? ORGANIC toilet paper?
March 2, 2011 at 2:59 pm
PLEEEEAAASSE!! I will even send you the TP for it, and buy you a Metro card! Hell, CAB FARE, you deserve it!
February 24, 2011 at 3:44 pm
#9 I was totally with you until you made that lesbian joke. Won’t SOMEONE please think of the bisexuals who like to wear vinyl and wear rainbow clothespins on their nipples?
February 27, 2011 at 10:58 am
except I don’t like vinyl or pinchy things….
February 24, 2011 at 3:46 pm
You guys… : D
February 24, 2011 at 3:48 pm
So after I’m finished enjoying the new fuckery of ribbon farming on Regresty, I went over to FB. And here is a post that I find from my own SISTER!
“ready to get home and check out the new ribbon I ordered!!! It’s Christmas in February for me!! WooHoo!!”
Fucking seriously!! I’m totally going to ask her if she ordered from the ribbon farm.
February 24, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Is the ribbon farm next to that farm where they grow the pie higher?
February 24, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Also, have you check out her “farm fresh” offering of clothespins?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/67560212/farm-fresh-clothespins
They come in “flavors” and there are “oodles of fun things to do with them”. WTF. Are you just trying to sound as stupid as you possible can while describing household items!
Also, when using the words “juicy” and “dripping with flavor”, clothespins ain’t what comes to mind.
February 24, 2011 at 3:55 pm
so could i charge double if i took some of these laying around the house and wrap them in vintage crewel yarn i have sitting in the closet?
February 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm
*reads the description*
What?!
*rereads the description*
WHAT?!?
*is incredulous*
February 24, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Another awesome place that is sometimes good for finding new fuckery is the “Recently Listed” feed. Like this awesome sweatshirt/monstrosity
90s Tribal Long Sleeved Tee LARGE
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68805708/
February 24, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Etsy is like a pyramid scheme. You can quit your day job! You can sell ribbons and random crazy shit to other Etsyians because they’re buying random supplies so as to establish feedback. JUST KEEP RECRUITING MORE PEOPLE TO KEEP THE CYCLE OF FUCKERY GOING!
it’s like Mary Kay, the hipster version. Or Amway with scrapbooking!
You can spend a lot of time trying to participate in the Etsy pyramid scheme, trying to figure out what attracts the Chicken of Success, but it really boils down to who can recruit the most loyal acolytes.
February 24, 2011 at 4:04 pm
But are they low-carb and vegan? I need to know!! Just purchasing farm-fresh isn’t good enough for EthicalAwareHipsterPoints(TM) these days.
February 24, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I felt inspired to make this for you guys. I present Jesus H. Macy.
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/180427_562392204636_28501632_32610168_3974149_n.jpg
February 24, 2011 at 4:08 pm
And here I thought, clearly mistakenly, that the asshat who flounced off my FB page was the biggest dolt I had ever seen. Today.
Pfffft.
February 24, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I kinda feel like these are just stock pictures she wants to post on her flickr or her tumblr and not actual items for sale…
February 24, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Oops, sorry, fucked up the link. That should be http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/180431_562392853336_28501632_32610170_6949625_n.jpg
February 24, 2011 at 4:19 pm
@aikoe…I was envisioning the “Mystery Men” Shoveler version of Jesus H. Macy,whacking hipsters with his Sacred Shovel.
Depending on what those Farm Fresh Clothespins are colored with, you could ruin a batch of laundry if you tried to actually use them as clothespins.
Calling dibs on”Empire Strikes Back” Han Solo!
February 24, 2011 at 4:26 pm
257 sales
February 24, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Wait a minute, judging by the picture it doesn’t even look like the clothespins will open. Rendering them completely useless. So, am I just supposed to put them in a bowl on my coffee table or what?
February 24, 2011 at 4:30 pm
I actually live on a farm, and for sure as heck it isn’t all flowery and cutesey with lollipop trees growing everywhere.
February 24, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Isn’t it great how they included the world “organic” to green wash their product? I bet that’s how she got the 257 sales and counting. I’m surprised she didn’t also say this is Steampunk Ribbon, she could have already sold 600 easy.
February 24, 2011 at 4:32 pm
She can’t even get the rainbow the right way around:
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, people!
And there should be a vulva, somewhere. Preferably with petals and possibly dewdrops.
February 24, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Oh and @ Fenrislorsrai; I wonder if you can get an Etsy car like you can with Mary Kay? I bet it would be made from “upcrafted” bedazzled Popsicle sticks and puffy paint, lovingly tied together with Pomeranian cat hair and faerie pubes.
February 24, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I hope the chicken who pecked this one out gets fired
This is Etsy we’re talking about… whoever is to blame for this will get a promotion.
February 24, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Ooohhh, I have some crap here at home. Help me make something stupid and we’ll both be rich!
February 24, 2011 at 4:59 pm
I realize that Helen was being facetious, but do you know how flipping FRAGRANT a upcycled KFC bucket full of pine cones would be? She may have begun the next trend list.
February 24, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Is etsy trying to insult their vendors or do they really have their heads that far up their asses?
February 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I actually do hand sew clothing. (under a different name, so no self-advertising here) In addition to my usual stuff, I also make some children’s things. I’ve noticed that certain sellers seem to sell tent-like things for kids that barely cost the price of the fabric. It’s like the reverse of the “inflate the price for crap and a stupid story” trend. The only way I can figure that they can charge such low prices is that the particularly hideous fabric they use must have come from a rock-bottom sales bin somewhere. Or it’s a grandma who just doesnt actually care about anything but breaking even. And they seem to crank out a whole lot of them. And then it seems like people don’t want to buy quality work because they can get some of the crappy stuff instead and their kid won’t know the difference. You mean to tell me that etsy thinks that writing effed-up stories about my pieces will actually get people to pay me even a fraction of what the items are worth?
February 24, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Well, now I’ve seen everything. Everything utterly useless, that is.
I’m going to take my leftover plastic Tom Yum Ramen bowls, cover them with glitter, hot-glue some pipe cleaners on as handles and stick a troll-doll on top. Then I’m going to list it in my almost-defunct etsy store as as troll picnic basket. With a twee backstory. I’m thinking $18 is a random price totally unrelated to the $0.83 of materials and six minutes of effort I’ll lovingly craft into each one.
If I make a sale, it will prove two things irrefutably: that PT Barnum was right, and that God is dead. I’m pretty sure the fresh-farmed crap verifies both those points already, but I’m willing to give God a second chance.
February 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm
#33 lillianna_13, when you say “in my yahoo” you mean “I got an email” instead of talking about things “in my bajingo”… right? Although the alternate interpretation is funny.
February 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm
#63 Jerseycow, they could have got the fabric at an estate sale, or thrift store rubbish bin. I recently collected TEN GARBAGE BAGS full of fabric from some people who put their grandmother in a “rest home” and were cleaning out her house.
Granted, two of the bags were filled with salmon-colored polyester doubleknit, and I sent it to the goodwill box… and missed my golden opporunity to make new vintage leisure suits… dammit.
February 24, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Fuck.
I sell on Etsy, too. Jewelry, in fact, also not remotely under this name. I go so far as to make my own findings. The $15 (or $45, whatever) earrings you get in my shop include actual precious metal that started as plain wire that I manipulate into ear wires and torch into head pins. If I could, I’d cut my own damn beads, because THAT is what HAND MADE MEANS. This only counts if she whittling the god damn clothespins herself. She makes money doing this horse shit and I work 40+ hours a week at a day job to support my artistic habit. GAHHHH!!
February 24, 2011 at 5:42 pm
My theory: Etsy’s got a disgruntled intern working for them, and it is s/he making the pick of the day.
Either that, or this is their half-assed (okay, no-assed) way of making every other fucking artisan, from the best jeweler to people making butt-pucker prints, look better by comparison.
Dear Etsy: stop letting dumb college kids and alcoholic hipsters create your marketing models. for the love of art and craft, HIRE A FUCKING PRO.
February 24, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Thanks April, my Google chat status is now your quote, “Etsy is like a mental hospital, only with paler colors.”
That one needs to be on a tote bag.
February 24, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I’d like to comment, but I have to lovingly pick some spinach out of my teeth.
February 24, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Jemmy, if it makes you feel any better, she’s selling this as supplies, not handmade.
February 24, 2011 at 5:50 pm
The Valentines hand towels are particularly awful with such literary gems as:
“lint free, making them ever so useful if you do decide to break down and actually use them”
because towels should just be for decoration and not “ever so useful”
“don’t forget your favorite friend that you know will be green with jealousy if she doesn’t have a set as well. You know how you two are!! ox”
because she knows my best friend is always jealous of $15 paper thin towels
February 24, 2011 at 5:51 pm
@searingflesh55 re: 90s Tribal Long Sleeved Tee LARGE
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68805708/
When I saw that at a Phish concert on some dude (I think it was a dude), I thought I got some bad tabs or there was some crap in the weed. Turns out I’m wrong. Unless this whole thread is a flashback.
*curls up and sucks thumb*
February 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Is the ribbon farm like the spaghetti trees on those old San Giorgio commercials?
February 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Jemmy- I’d love to visit your Etsy store. I find it nearly impossible to dig through the etsy detritus to find real handmade jewelry. Any jewelers on here want to point me to their store just send a link to my email pietarian@gmail.com
February 24, 2011 at 6:01 pm
telling stories = aka DXO = plenty of Etsy-sponsored encouragement to fake it, not make it. Encourages and condones resellers. Lying is more than encouraged by Etsy because that’s all they do to their sellers – lie.
Pity the poor fools who spend hard earned money on Etsy. They should shop elsewhere, and fast.
February 24, 2011 at 6:02 pm
@ JerseyCow, I recently saw a kid’s Tee Pee being sold on Etsy that was featured in a Readymade (magazine) blog. This particular Tee Pee is made to the exact pattern of a Tee Pee Target used to sell, I know b/c it’s out in my garage. The price however was not extremely low. I would have submitted it, except Target doesn’t sell it anymore so I don’t have proof except to take a picture of mine and it’s winter so that’s not going to happen.
Regarding extremely low priced items, either someone really did get a yard sale find from an old lady getting rid of her fabric stash or these items are actually being bought whole sale from a distributor or possibly being sold by the distributor in India or Vietnam or where ever, under the guise of a person. It’s been done before, and lovingly featured on Regretsy.
February 24, 2011 at 6:20 pm
I am embarrassed to say her shop is in my favorites. I just like buttons, and whoever takes the pictures is a good photographer. But yes, her “Farm Fresh” fuckery is prevalent in her shop.
February 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Bedazzled plastic cups!?! That was my idea. Darn it!
February 24, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Thank you for the much-needed evisceration of the brainless hipster assholes who run Etsy.
February 24, 2011 at 6:52 pm
@ jupiter – Ick. Giving it the benefit of the doubt that it was at least a copy, not a reseller…I feel like copycat stuff should at least include citations. I do use sewing patterns or design instructions for my work, and I try to briefly mention that fact.
And, well, I hope someone did get a good yard sale find, because I’d expect people in India and Vietnam to make better dresses than that. That person’s going to be hurting if they actually expect to have the money to buy more fabric to work with further on down the road, though.
February 24, 2011 at 7:03 pm
#38 I deeply apologize for not giving the bis their vinyl props.
Sorry it took me so long, had errands to run…I know, excuses, excuses…
February 24, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Actual conversation with my husband after I read him this (and he could breathe again):
Him: So… do the people at Etsy hate her?
Me: Yes. Yes, they do.
Him: Can they *stop* her?
Me: No. No, they cannot.
Him: *more laughter*
February 28, 2011 at 4:19 am
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February 24, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Who even uses clothes pins to dry their clothes anymore? I think the people at Etsy are wise to their real use in sexy rainbow cos play.. These babies on your nipples and a rainbow vulva ring on yer finger and WHA-LA!!
February 24, 2011 at 7:20 pm
#57 I know some vulvas that would enjoy having clothespins on them so much that dewdrops would form naturally.
But I ain’t selling them on Etsy.
February 24, 2011 at 7:51 pm
#71, I suppose so, but I am over my butthurt. Ranting was cathartic, and I thank you all for being my semi-captive audience.
February 24, 2011 at 8:29 pm
I must be really slow because I am still trying to work out how a ribbon and a clothes peg anre even close to farm related? And can inanimate objects even BE fresh?
February 24, 2011 at 8:40 pm
I’m gonna go paint a bunch of fucking binder clips and have them hanging from my ears and see if I hit the front page.
Fuck You, Ribbon-on-clothspins
February 24, 2011 at 8:53 pm
#66 Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
You gave up the last remaining virgin deposit of salmon-colored polyester doubleknit? My prediction: You will either weep bitter tears, or laugh like a drain when it turns up as ‘new vintage’ fuckery decorator notions, bridesmaid tube dresses or hipster tabards.
February 24, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Farm Fresh. That’s how the sheep fleeces smell before I scour them, card them, spin them, dye them, and knit them to make things that are actually crafts. These ribbons are Made In A Chinese Factory Using Toxic Chemicals Fresh.
February 24, 2011 at 9:55 pm
What the fuck is ORGANIC ribbon?
I cannot believe the words people use to describe their crap. This is why it’s so hard for me to find what I really want to find on Etsy. It breaks my heart because I crochet and I know the work that goes into HANDMADE QUALITY items.
I’m done venting now. Carry on.
February 24, 2011 at 10:19 pm
I once listed a broken red crayon on ebay just to see if it would sell. I started it at a penny and sold it for 5 dollars all because i wrote some long bullshit story to go with it. People are idiots.
February 24, 2011 at 10:22 pm
I am not, not even a LITTLE bit, saying these ribbons are worth anything or hand-made, but I wanted to point out that some people DO hand-make ribbon and cooking is a great way to dye them mess-free. It does not look like that, though. And if that was how they’d been made, I’d sure as hell say so. I’m pretty sure I saw that exact ribbon the last time I was in hobby lobby. I’m pretty sure we all have.
I know she thinks she’s being so very creative in her descriptions…but it pisses me off. It’s a great big middle finger to people who actually put time, care, and talent into their items! *grumblegrumble*
February 24, 2011 at 10:49 pm
They could at least have had the common decency to use the old style clothespins.
February 24, 2011 at 11:17 pm
@ Stretch65
Who even uses clothes pins to dry their clothes anymore?
…*raises hand.* I have a total of two clothespins in my possession due to owning two shirts that have to hang dry with their collars pinned a certain way so they don’t curl up and look like crap.
Neither clothespin is painted.
Neither clothespin, to my knowledge, has ever been wrapped in ribbon. That would be an affront to their dignity.
February 24, 2011 at 11:45 pm
I keep mulling over opening a shop on etsy featuring some of my beading, but then I see things like this that make me utterly disgusted with the site. It’s an insult to people who put blood, sweat, and tears into their products when church-rummage-sale type shit like this seems to permeate Etsy.
#38 butts lol : …not to mention the hetero folks out there that might be up for that stuff. Just look at the stuff that HK manages to ferret out, after all.
February 25, 2011 at 2:51 am
@Stretch65 *also raises hand* Don’t have a dryer. :3
As for the actual listing… this actually looks like something I’d make. To give to my mother. When I was about 5. Hipster from BIRTH. *smug/shame*
February 25, 2011 at 3:07 am
I’m still stuck on the use of “fresh” and “organic” for brightly colored synthetic ribbon that was probably made in China.
February 25, 2011 at 4:31 am
Right…so can I use that fucking chicken to make a good curry tonight?
February 25, 2011 at 5:37 am
The dumbest part of this is that she paid $1 each for those ribbon spools at the craft store, so if it took her about an hour to hand-wind 36 yards of ribbon neatly onto 6 clothespins, she’s just earned herself a whopping $2/hour.
Worth quitting your day job, if your day job is sleeping.
February 25, 2011 at 5:39 am
Whoops, it also cost about $1 in etsy and paypal fees. So she’s earned about $1/hour. Sweet!
February 25, 2011 at 5:47 am
I use clothespins all the time. Useful things. And when I lived in California, I often hung my wash on the line. Didn’t waste electricity and it SMELLED good.
Know how to get your clothespins to look like that? Throw them into a dye bath. That’s how I dye dowels for my stick puppets. Never occurred to me to simply dye the sticks and sell them at an inflated price “as is” with a cute name tag attached. DAMN these hipster marketers, anyway!
February 25, 2011 at 6:33 am
Helen, you are the only thing that keeps me from dunking my head in a bucket of liver of sulphur and then wire wrapping my entire head in a free form farm fresh cocoon of sterling!
February 25, 2011 at 6:37 am
You said it, sister. Exactly why I took Scarffish off of Etsy. Yikes.
February 25, 2011 at 8:08 am
to be honest, with a good story and or poem, I’ve sold on ETSY,
the junk from the bottom of my kitchen drawer
a handful of rusty and corroded buttons
and a really ugly stuff clown doll
February 25, 2011 at 8:15 am
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February 25, 2011 at 8:44 am
Somewhere a chicken is laughing.
February 25, 2011 at 8:46 am
Long time lurker, first time poster.
It amazes me how people make stuff like that and it gets picked for peck of the day.
I hand make all of my costumes to sell and illustrate my own drawings one at a time. To see something like that picked makes me want to bang my head against the wall.
Telling them what’s going on with my parents story wise might get them to stop.
I’ve got some bbq sauce for that chicken!
February 25, 2011 at 9:48 am
I have to add that I too am glad not to be the only churlish fucker that has lost their passport into the patchouli smelling lollipop sprouting land, where fairies in unicorn hair merkins led me to the secret troll grotto where I discovered this or that organic farm fresh bead.
I am behind my goddamned torch crafting molten glass into something worth stringing around some funny mustached hipsters arm, neck, face.
Plus the merkin fairies didn’t like it when I smuggled 20 underpants gnomes over the border in the trunk of my car… that coyote money is far more regular income than Etsy has been lately.
February 25, 2011 at 10:01 am
I wonder if this seller lives on a farm? Lots of items are described as being “farm fresh”. Well heck, I’ve lived on a Ranch Rescue for many many years…and I’ve never had a truck pull in with organic ribbon. I wish that truck would back on in and pick up some of my “organic offerings” that the donkeys have left…maybe “tantalize some creative juices”…go pick some donkey turds outta the trees and make some earrings. Guess I outta go stand out in the driveway and wait for the truck to come.
The description of this item is somewhat bankrupt to me. It’s dyed ribbon wrapped around a dog gone clothes pin.
And by the way, many continued thanks to April Winchell and the kind folks of Regretsy for helping my donkeys. As long as I have a memory, you’ll surely be in it. We say THANK YOU!!!!
Guess I’ll go try to wrap some “donkey organic offerings” around some clothes pins…get them “creative juices” goin..HONK HONK!!! Back that truck on in!
We surely do say thank you!!!!
February 25, 2011 at 12:02 pm
@jupiter. NO! You can’t have an upcycled popsicle stick car. You must have an upcycled retro bicycle! Otherwise your hipster cult will disown you for not being green enough.
Comes with hip bicycle cozy!
February 25, 2011 at 1:18 pm
I hand-make (well, machine-sew) clothing, and for a long time I was scared to sell on Etsy because I’m not good at making up romantic-sounding bullshit, and not great at photography either. And a lot of Etsy is just that – a crap trinket with a bullshit story and really nice photos.
Finally I decided I was selling the product and not just the presentation.
February 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm
If I ever get my hands on that chicken I’ll make him eat farm fresh organic ribbons as punishment.
February 25, 2011 at 2:52 pm
april i am laughing so hard at your description i had an asthma attack. i just wanted to say i love you.
February 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm
@ #25 craptastic :
“I can only wonder who blew who to get that on the front page.”
The seller was all up on the chickens nuggets.
February 25, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Front page of Etsy and the front page of Regretsy and it still hasn’t sold. Ain’t much of a living.
February 27, 2011 at 10:21 am
These ribbon clothespin things have 5 hearts so far. I would love to meet those people.
February 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Probably the same people who are willing to shell out for the sellers’ photographs of buttons in jars.
Ironically enough her motto is “I could do that!”.
February 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Shes got Fresh Veggie buttons in baby food jars?? wouldnt baby’s choke on those
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68840968/farm-fresh-buttons-mixed-veggies
February 28, 2011 at 11:29 am
If they did, it would be one less generation of people who like crap like this.
February 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm
You know what really pisses me off?
Its that the *artisan* who makes this sort of shit will be next weeks Featured Seller. Meanwhile , actual artists, you know, with talent, are forgotten, hell , not even NOTICED because etsy continually goes for this meek farm fresh shit, or someone who photographs old shit well, and three months later is the Featured Seller.
I just wish etsy would look around the site a bit more at ARTISTS
/rant
ok i feel better now
February 27, 2011 at 10:14 pm
This has taken it to the whole new level. Tantalizing farm-fresh whimsicle fuckery!
February 27, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Well, shit! maybe I should open a shop that sells stories for people’s listings.
New! Hand-forged in my work/live space, an organic fairytale to give your listing just the right amount of upcycled whimsy to land it a slot on the EtsyDudes email!
Let your unique octopuss necklace soar to new heights on a dirigible adventure with Jules Verne!
Transform the spoon you found under the dumpster out behind the Trader Joes to a fascinator sure to be a conversation peice when you tell of how you felt it’s aura and spirit animal calling to you!
Sell! Sell! Sell! that old Grey Poupon jar when you spin a yarn of vintage/retro/indie wonder describing the moment you just knew it was a treasure when you saw sun rays dance of the old seagull feather you taped to it!
Imagination is limitless!!!! Convo me!!!
February 28, 2011 at 11:28 am
100% Organic POLYESTER SATIN!
February 28, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Any suggestions for where else I can sell my honestly handmade items? Etsy is really starting to embarrass me. Ok. Honestly, they are way past embarrassing me.
May 24, 2011 at 11:36 am
July 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm
Don’t you drag Modest Mouse into this. I like Modest Mouse.