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You can tell me.
You weren’t born a chick, right?
Do I get that exact bikini? Because I want the one that has already been stuffed up her ass.
MY EYES!!! BRAIN BLEACH IMMEDIATELY!!
Is that a dude?
She needs a Snooki mask, ASAP.
These crime scene photos get more gruesome all the time.
OH HOLY JESUS I JUST CLICKED THROUGH. I’m going to have nightmares about that for a fucking week.
Wow, I’d love to sniff her bicycle seat.
The perfect gift set – this and a bottle of Vulva cologne. Heck, if you buy the bikini the model is wearing, you can skip the cologne and save $20!
The model is clearly female- she’s had multiple births, too.
That said, I hope the rash clears up and that the bamboo, angora, wool is antimicrobial because it’s flossing her ass. *shudder*
I imagine many a Marketing professor would have lots to say about this picture… if they weren’t rendered speechless by it.
Are those mushrooms in the back? Oddly appropriate.
I noticed that too! I wonder what species they are?
…I think my brain is just trying to find things OTHER than her crotch/ass to focus on.
You know, I’ve seen a lot of things on the internet, most of which border on primeval horrors. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anything that disturbed me.
But then you posted this. And I remembered what it was like to flinch away from the screen in incredulous revulsion.
Ok seriously… i can understand having confidence in your self.. but COME ON!!! thats just… wrong…i need eye bleach now thanks.
You know, I’m all for loving your body as it is, but that doesn’t include butt zits.
I’m not all that down with butt floss in the first place, but USED butt floss? DO. NOT. WAAAANT!!!
note: the clickthrough is even more of a treat.
HOLY FREAKING CRAP ON A STICK this made me scream out loud, and in my soul.
I really need to stop reading this site while I’m eating lunch. >.<
DANGER. Clicking through is EXTREMELY hazardous to your keyboard, and as you know, “There is no solution in software!”
NSFW!! Ugh! Totally was scrolling down this and one of my coworkers came to a screeching halt in my cubicle! Damn you no-door, half-wall, motherfuckin’ cubicle!
But all that aside, there are so many things that scare me about this! Besides the obvious, what’s up with the scary leg rash!
It’s reverse psychology. They know people won’t buy the stuff if a woman with a gorgeous face and a perfect body is modeling it, because it won’t look as good on them. So they went the opposite direction. So people will see the pictures and think well at least I won’t look THAT bad in it.
I don’t know what I find more horrifying: the stretch marks, the hairy armpits, her assne (ass-acne) or the thought of wool up my ass. I really wish I could un-see this. REALLY.
Stretch marks or hair. I am NOT going to increase my screen size to find out. Fuck that, I already need eye bleach.
OMG! Pimples on her\his ass, stretch marks, dirty feet, and it looks like sh\he is having some dental issues as well. Happy hour commences now!
Long time Regretsy fan, and lurker, finally THIS made me comment. After my eyes stopped burning, I felt reassured that she won’t need to worry about getting raped in her drug induced comatose state. Safety first!
Perhaps he was in a horrible combine accident that required amputation, but I’m relatively sure that’s a male. Someone’s been viewing too many Abercrombie and Fitch catalogs.
OMG, just looked at all the pictures! The meth-head can knit! That’s a marketable skill (that doesn’t include cooking household chemicals)! I feel that there is now hope in the world! I rejoice!
Ah hell, I clicked out of morbid curiosity and now I feel like I have crabs and a sudden yearning for meth. *shudder*
Oh god. Is that hair on her stomach or flab from losing a lot of weight/having a baby? I love (sarcastic) that you can see on her knees and legs from her other poses. Nice editing.
O_o I clicked through…damnit. Is that amount of stretch marks normal? I do want to have kids, but damn, pics like that give me second thoughts! And the squatting butt pic…if Helen had put that up as the main pic I think I might have screamed out loud.
This has instilled a fear in me so great I’m afraid to surf the Internet any longer. Thank you Regretsy. I’m actually going to work…it’s safer.
The store’s name is “A Whimsical Faire.” the same model is used for multiple bikinis. Anyone notice her teeth? I have to go call my dentist now.
Thank GOD! Just what I need, something delicate and cute to cover up those dead hookers that keep turning up on my lawn.
I started reading comments and got curious and clicked it and I TAKE IT BACK, PLEASE, ERASE THIS IMAGE FROM MY BRAIN
I’ve got it! The seller was too cheap to pay for a model so she picked up a homeless woman and promised a bottle of booze in exchange for modeling this crap.
I didn’t take the above advise. I only wish this was modeled on a Jug instead.
I’m not usually critical of normal body imperfections, but I lost it at the dirty feet in the last shot.
Also, anyone suffering from a potentially contagious rash SHOULD NOT be modeling swimwear that hugs the vagoo.
I totally would have considered buying this…except for now I know where it has been.
I never thought I’d see a woman who gives less of a fuck than I do, but there she is.
Presactly! Incredible. I’m dumbfounded for once.
Well and truly the stuff of nightmares
I’m horrified. I wish I could think of something clever to say like, well, at least her vagina doesn’t look all stretched out and nonelastic from the kid she must have just popped out… but well, I’m mortified.
I hope to not be haunted by this visual in my dreams.
Wow..the belly just doesn’t bounce back after quints…does it?
I hope that highly visible rash was nice and ripe when she was crocheting those.
That color red really brings out her ass pimples.
NOT A GOOD THING
Oh. Sweet. Jeebus.
I thought that they couldn’t possibly be serious. That this was a big trolling joke on us Regretsy people. But it looks legit. And now I have to scrub out my brain. Thanks so much for that, HK.
OH. MY. GOD. The level of horror I feel after looking at that is just indescribable. Please HK, consider having some type of warning at the top of that pic! You could be giving people heart attacks!
I’m all for being comfortable with one’s body but…
Yes, it’s hugging some curves, all right. Unfortunately, they aren’t the ones most people want to accentuate. At all.
I have to give you props, HK – Regretsy is the only site I have ever visited where I gasp audibly or utter out loud “Oh my fucking god!” nearly every day. Today I did both. I tip my hat to you.
“Also please note that crochet clothing absorbs more water and becomes a bit heavier you may have to adjust the straps to accommodate”
::shudder:: Yeah, because its trying to get away from you and your nastiness!
Ugh – her stomach seems to have the same texture as the bikini.
Also, if they are stretch marks that means she, at some point, was pregnant and, therefore, at some point had sex which also means that someone sometime almost certainly looked at that tableau SANS CLOTHING and thought “okay, I’m in.” I think that’s even scarier.
You have to tell me that is fake. My jaw literally dropped, hit the computer desk and now I might have to sue you. Or go to therapy to block out this image. GOD DAMN its horrible.
Those stretch-marks aren’t necessarily from childbirth, y’all–it’s very possible that she used to weigh like 400 lbs and got liposuction, or had a lap-band removed, or got addicted to meth and stopped eating.
Er, had a lap-band inserted ^
This is very medieval. It’s like a crazy glimpse.
I’m not going to comment on the exact model, except to say they could have picked a better one.
As for the one they chose, it would be correct if this was their target audience:
Here is my confusion … Since I can damn near see her cervix in this picture I feel confident saying that she waxes her hey-nonny-nonny … so why wax below and not even take a Lady Bic to your pits? I am not particularly disturbed by chicks with hairy armpits but seeing hairy armpits I expect giant 70′s bush. This is BLOWING MY MIND.
You really do need to click through to appreciate how very pretty she is. I am so glad she models each and every bikini so that no matter which you purchase – her presence will linger.
Wow, didn’t think there would be someone out there that could make Octomom look like a supermodel….
(Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to call my therapist to get this traumatic experience out of my head)
@54, unholy, I also caught the dichotomy of Hippy-High / Brazillian-Low. In fact, I’ll see you your “giant 70′s bush”, and raise you “bush with dreadlocks”.
Yes, you do get that many stretch marks from being pregnant – if your genetics suck, like mine, and apparently the meth addict’s. Stretch marks suck, the end, oh well. Which is why MOST moms who have them wear a tankini – easy to go potty, covers the nasty. Thongs on moms? Not so much….
@ #57 BillsBayou You can see my “giant 70′s bush”? I had better put on some pants!
Photo shop can do wonders!
@angel: it’s not just the stretch marks but the folds of skin that make me think she might have had surgery or lost significant weight. I had a friend who had the surgery and looked like that before she got it all tucked/removed.
Dang it, they removed it (but only that item) her others are still up for now, complete w/ waxed hey-nonny-nonny and bizarre homeless head.
I can’t unsee this. I understand, nobody’s body is perfect. But I would never buy a bathing suit that looks like it’s bee shoved up your nether-regions. And it looks so painful that it killed you.
#56 1) the seller wrote “bikini” because she couldn’t figure out how to spell “merkin”, and 2) it’s because most people don’t lick armpits
I think the rash is psoriasis, so you can’t catch it.
In other news: this is not a selling picture.
I also have been blessed with a stretch marky stomach boob after giving birth. I, however, am polite enough to keep it encased in clothing while in public.
1: Hell no to a bikini made out of bamboo, bamboo is like cotton in that it’s a plant fiber.
2: well of course it’s soft you ninny angora and bamboo are nice soft gentle yarns. it won’t be so lovely after it goes through the hot-scour away any and all forms of alien life- cycle on my washing machine. hello felted bikini.
3: i’m reminded of the odd grandmother that came in and bought all my silk yarns to do the same (crochet bathing suits.) why is this popular? no really. is there some secret aspect of hippie life that goes to the beaches?
4: when i first saw this picture i cringed and simultaneously tried to fling myself out of my chair. model it on one of the 5 gal water bottles! a pillow anything but trying to sell a thong bikini that’s been where the sun don’t shine.
in reference to number 1: plant fibers tent to really hold in the stanky smells. like the cotton undershirts my bro wears that are just wrong. not pinesol not bleach not the hell’s rinse of my washer can salvage the clothing.
Do I need greasy hair and stretch marks to wear this?
Due to the above posted image, normally posted witty comment has been replaced with rapid jabbing of eyeballs with a fork.
Have a nice day.
@#66 butts lol … OK … I can understand the sex aspect …sort of… but if you are so into “Body Natural is Body Beautiful” that you don’t shave your pits don’t you just say “Fuck it” and let your partner enjoy a nice hair salad?
I’m guessing between her monthly crack budget and the cost of the Brazillian, the model doesn’t have money for soap, a Lady Bic, shampoo, or medication for her ass zits. I hope those are just ass zits anyway.
At least Octomom is getting work. Wait….being a model for someone’s Etsy shop doesn’t pay well, you say? Never mind, then.
I think she needs to Google ‘how to photograph a model outside’.
Do you just not like us or something April, did we do something to upset you? Whatever it is…. we’re sorry, we’re really, really sorry. The mental bruises from this ocular whipping will last
When you do a Google image search for TMI, this is what you see.
I find myself going back and looking at it again. It’s a car accident and there are body parts all over the pavement. I just can’t stop looking at it! And why, oh why, did I look at the other items in her shop!?
LOL funny.. i just commented that it was like a train wreck… it hurts to watch but you cant help but stare
Apparently, the seller took the original listing down (within the lifespan of this thread) then put it back up to show what she felt was a better picture–where you could fully appreciate the stretchmarks, dreadlocks, snaggle-teeth and glazed eyes. Muuuuuuch better…
holy crap i clicked on the picture and went to the actual listing and you picked the MOST FLATTERING image of the bunch!
More than anything, I’m horrified by the thought of having something with such a coarse texture touching those really sensitive parts.
That’s a dead hooker modeling the bikini, isn’t it?
Oh no. I did not just see that.
fvd– It’s genetic. If your mother doesn’t have them, you probably won’t. If she does… sorry. That said, most people think it’s worth it. It wouldn’t look nearly so bad if she toned up and like, washed herself. A little bit of fake tanning cream on a slimmed down mama does wonders to minimize them.
P.S. NOT saying she’s fat. She’s not fat. Just saying, stretch marks are less noticeable when you trim down the baby fat and tone up. It’s your choice. Speaking to fvd’s concerns only. Don’t hate me, I am not a mean person and it came out wrong.
I think she’s trying to look sexy. It kinda reads as “meth addict” instead.
That’s a sweet ankle tattoo you got there.
This is our punishment for being right about the glingers and the human hair butt plug.
As Emeril would say,
OMG. when you do the click through, there are cum stains and twigs on her bed!
Agh! I just noticed the white stains on the sheet in the second picture! Does it ever end!?!?
A picture is indeed worth a thousand words.
1. My husband is not allowed to look at this for fear it will make his penis crawl back inside his body. I need it where it is.
2. I am really sorry that this seller is apparently under the impression that this is the last woman on Earth, but admire their gutsy decision to use her… charms… to market what are actually quite well made items to the crochet loving transvestite community. Props.
Is this some kind of pre-production home made porn??
Who needs vulva scent now?!
I’m pretty sure this model is a volunteer–and by volunteer, I mean tweaked out meth addict passed out in the local park that the artist decided to play paper dolls with.
I see mushrooms above her head, so I can safely assume this is a bad trip.
FYI, I’m sending this to ALL my friends with the warning that it is horrifying that they really should click on it. *evil laugh* More victims! I must have more people to obsess over this with!
My eyes were burning from too much Little Britain, so I thought I’d check regretsy… do they make bengay for your eyeballs?
at bee tee dubs, this site has officially replaced facebook as my top visited website. congrats!
I’m so glad that I looked at this while eating a tuna salad sandwich. I can assure you that after this, I will never eat another tuna sandwich again.
Oh, jeez. Oh, honey, just hire a professional model! You know, her work is actually good, and crochet bikinis are actually quite popular with the hipster crowd. She has the potential to make a killing on these things. But, please, dear sweet jeebus, just hire a professional model and a photographer who knows how to pose her! This is making me long for A&E to do an “Etsy Intervention” show.
Nothing sweet about that jesus.
This photo has been deleted, yet there’s a generous array of others… People who have so many stretchmarks should not advertise bikini… it’s off-putting…
Hmmmm…she hasn’t made any sales yet.
On the plus side, I feel GREAT about my body for the first time in years.
I can only imagine there must be a fetish market for pre-inserted thongs on Etsy; like the rather robust used tennis shoe market that eBay could boast of.
Oh holy hell… Is this a random stranger the seller picked off the street with mention of candy?
I think it’s nice that her photographer kept working despite her passing out. It’s hard to find people with a good work ethic.
Ha ha! It looks like someone took a picture of this poor girl while she was passed out. That can be the only explanation for why someone would let another post a shot of their fatty crotch on a public website for all to see…
I never thought I would see the words ‘needlepoint’ and ‘vaginas’ related in any way.
Wow, 105 comments went up fast. FAST.
1. – I’m glad the girl is comfy enough with her body to not mind showing it off. When advertising a product, however, it might be better to advertise it on someone whose body is less likely to upstage the product.
2. – Posing the model to look like a passed out drunk/crack whore also tends to upstage your product.
3. – The pretty blue throw the model/crack whore is passed out on is VERY nice – why isn’t it advertised for sale?
Another note to photographer:
When posing model, USE the pretty blue throw. Do not pose them in whatever-the-hell that dirty thing is instead.
Also, CLEAN your model.
When all else fails, Photo-shop can be your friend – don’t be afraid to use it!
from the profile, it’s a husband-wife team. he makes them, she models them.
as a pushing-40 mother of 2, i think it’s really sweet that he thinks his wife’s body is still so cute that she should be modeling ass floss on the internet.
as a person with eyes, i strenuously disagree with him. yikes. there’s a reason they use 20-year-olds with no kids as bikini models.
pregnancies, not weight loss, because her arms look fine. her skin looks like she smokes. not sure what she was smoking when she decided to model bikinis for the masses. she would be a great fit in one of those awful meth:not even once ads, though.
“Get the hillbilly bajingo wash.”
“We’re OUT of hillbilly bajingo wash.”
“You used all the hillbilly bajingo wash on PURPOSE!”
The thumbnail of the first picture with the red bikini actually looks like she could be hot. Then you click on it and oh dear lord, the horror, the horror!
Just goes to show you what a little Photoshop and creative cropping can do. Crop out her whole head and you’ve improved the picture by 60%!
If you click thru, her stretch marks look like a phoenix
someone please offer this seller a copy of photoshop.
Well it only says 1 available, so you get the extra stains and unique smells that come from the one wearing it. Also I think the urban shrug with a grey version of the crochet would be awesomely hideous together
The Hillbilly Bajingo Wash featured a few days ago? I do believe this is their target customer.
The stretchmarks and flubby postpartum belly don’t bother me. I wouldn’t model bikinis if I had such, but I’m not grossed out by them.
But oh, Goddess–this one really puts the “dirt” in “dirt hippie.” She looks downright flea-bitten. I’m all for “real people” models and being comfortable in one’s own skin, but…but…HYGEINE, OKAY? And looking healthy and well cared-for? These are good things, hippies; why must you shun them? Being Earth Mama who is completely at ease in her body is one thing, looking like a stray methhead harboring any of a number of parasites and fungal infections is another.
#85: Thanks! I feel better now. As much as I can after those mind-scaring pictures.
She probably should pair it with the Vulva perfume.
This is one of those times where I leaned in to my computer screen for a closer look and immediately thought, what the FUCK are you doing?
I made a face so horrible when I saw that picture that my boyfriend left the room so that I couldn’t show him what was making me look like that. Another home run for regretsy!
*cries in the corner*
Hubby turned around, took one look and asked WTF he was looking at.
Now he’s sad that I told him.
Holy shit balls…I would pay $95 bucks just to make them take the pictures down . WTF is that? Sashscrotch in a bikini…that’s just nasty.
A spork the size of the state of Montana is not going to be able to scrape this image off my eyes.
I have glow-in-the-dark stretchmarks, and I also have the decency not to display them for the delectation of the general public.
This is just wrong.
Do you think a lil of the Psoriasis on her leg is from the virgin wool?
When this page came up on my screen all I could see was the top third of the pic. I stared for a second and had to force myself to scroll down to see the crotch, while my brain screamed “NOOOOOOOOO!” all the way down to the ankle tattoo. I should have listened to my brain.
I just saw what her other pictures look like and…..I think this is the best picture from her store (
I, for one, thinks this is sexy as hell. But then again, I AM a diseased smegma-eating fiend from the pits of the deepest unshaven asses of hell.
The latest in cave woman fashion!
Isn’t that one of the Meat Puppets?
you would think finding a model who actually looks GOOD in the swimsuit you are trying to sell would be a given. At least photoshop out the baggy skin.
Sweet Jesus doesn’t even begin to cover it! That “hair”! Those teef! The faded, skanky looking tattoos! I won’t judge her for the stretch marks as I have them just after ONE birth and weight gain, but lady, KNOW what you can and cannot pull off! *shudders*
also, when posing your model with her legs splayed open… there is a fine line between “sexy” & “passed out drunk in the quad after a frat party”. And this definitely crosses it.
Did you notice the corner of another blanket in this photo? What are the chances she wore this bikini to a festival, passed out drunk, was still drunk when she woke up to discover her boyfriend took this picture, and then still drunk later that night decided to sell her day-old-sweaty (but surprisingly soft for wool!) bikini on Etsy?… to buy more booze of course?
I’m sitting here wonder “hmm, did she eat any of the blue meanies (magic ‘shrooms) in the background and just pass out on the lawn?? In a crappy old crocheted 70′s bikini?? Either way, I’m off to have several drinks and try and forget I ever saw this picture……..
Did Faces of Meth add a swimsuit section?
THE ONE god damned time liberal use of PHOTOSHOP really should have been used!
HK Can’t your man fix this up a bit?!
Im not a professional crafter or anything, but I think Id opt to display this on a milk jug before I hired a hairy-pitted, flabby-assed “model” with a questionable rash on her right ankle to hawk my hand-made butt floss.
And by “questionable” I mean “herpes”.
DON’T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO IT!! AVERT THINE EYES!!!
After viewing the rest of the photos featured at “Awhimsiclefaire”, Im going with the stretch-marks-as-post-meth-weight-loss-side-effect theory.
Sweet holy FUCK. #1 – I’ve seen way too much damn dirty hippy crotch in the last 30 seconds. #2 – I am on the phone w/ the hospital for an emergency tube-tie RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
seriously though those are nice work and as a product they really have potential but she REALLY needs to hire a model to wear her three main styles and then say that the ones on the model are a SAMPLE and that yours would be custom made to order in the same style …. (models will even work for free a lot of the time to build their portfolio } or at LEAST invest in a leotard of some sort to wear underneath those… just eww too much too much
15 minutes with a cheap photoshop program was all it took…and the suit is still ugly….but really, if she is going to model the suits…invest
Wow, nicely done!
I don’t even know what to say. The time spent staring at this tweeker in a wool bikini has killed off too many brain cells. Must look away. Oh God, there’s more pictures.
For the love of all that is holy and good….take a shower, sweetie, and please, put down the meth.
I realize we are not all models….but FFS!
I think the sales might benefit from a picture being taken without a model.
And you can’t tell me you will be receiving on that wasn’t warn, I would be skeptical if it was washed first too.
Did she practice her crocheting on her hair?
To be honest, I sorta feel I should buy one; she’s clearly making these so she can save up and buy herself some health care.
I really, really hope so….
not sure whether thats poison ivy or rug burn on her knees/legs…. ouch
Ended up looking through her site…it’s like looking at a train wreck. You can’t wrench your eyes away, no matter how awful! gggggaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
oh holy hells…
an ice-pick or a spork would be a wonderful tool to have at the moment.
PHOTOSHOP THE STRETCHMARKS!!! AUGHHH!
Persian amulet, my ass…
Looks to me like this model was beaten to death after she said “I’d die before I modeled that piece of shit” and the photographer said “OK, if that’s how you want it”
HK I think for this you must create an eye bleach for all of us. I hate dental floss bikini’s especially preworn ones but for the most part it is cute. I feel really bad for her because we have matching stretch marks, but luckily I have enough sense to keep it covered up. I just wish she would have been playing on a beach with her kids when she modeled this, at least then it could have been a far view instead of up close and personal.
I think she tries them all on before she sells them from the looks of her store, why couldn’t she have tried one on and said “more colors available”?
I’m pretty sure she’s taken modeling classes…
By the way, and thank God!, I can no longer find the picture on this page anywhere in her store.
I say we all buy a bikini and then the nice lady can afford a tummy tuck.
Thank goodness she took this picture off her site
She must be really hard up for cash right now, because after I had my baby the stretch marks faded after a few weeks. Those look freshy-fresh! (Too bad the picture doesn’t look like the bikini smells so good.)
I kind’ve feel sorry for the model. She honestly looks so coked out of her mind, I doubt she had any idea what was going on when the pictures were taken.
Though if the stretch marks are from childbirth, I definitely feel sorrier for her kids.
The husband should be shot; both for knitting this abomination, and for taking advantage of a woman who’s either doing drugs or just isn’t too bright.
My thought process went sort of like:
“A yarn bikini? That’s odd but not that strange…”
“Whoa, what’s going on with her belly there?”
Scroll down just a little more.
“OMG NO. DO NOT WANT.”
There should be a product photo shooting 101 class, most of it consisting of “Do not shoot a picture at this angle. I don’t care if it’s Angelina friggin’ Jolie modeling it, it DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.”
ohhhhh my god the click-through. By choice I am now barren FOREVER.
Red is NOT her color.
OH MY STARS AND GARTERS!
There really needs to be a society for the production of yarn. Because this shouldn’t have happen to this poor skein.
Someone fails at taking photos…dear lord.
On the other hand, she clearly states that each bikini is made for order. (This could be a post-regresty edit.)
There are times to use a model and times not to use a model. Seller fails at discernement.
found this….much better effort…and $60 cheaper.
also I didn’t dry heave once.
Since my first time seeing “tub girl” when I was 12, to studying STDs in college, I have never been so visually disgusted in my whole, entire life. The worst part is, if she spent just the slightest amount of time on herself, this whole fiasco could be avoided. Being an obvious hippie, you’d think she’d know about the wonders of shea butter for stretch marks and (hopefully merely) psoriasis on her legs. I admit, I had stretch marks that bad once, -for about 2 days- before I started the many, incredibly easy ways to reduce stretch marks. Regardless, my boyfriend will always lose the argument of whether or not to have kids thanks to this picture.
Ok in this chics defense. Stretch Marks and Psoriasis BOTH are things SHE CANNOT HELP! Oh and by the way, you cant get rid of stretch marks in 2 days. Just sayin…. but seriously, someone should have intervened and told her to use a different pic. This is just horribly unflattering. If you look at her other pics though shes not ugly at all its just a bad angle. Im trying not to be to negative because im sure shes reading all these fucked up comments and is self consious enough.
I’m now hoping this image is cursed (The Ring) so we’ll all be dead in a week after seeing this…
It’s certainly scarier than the movie.
Her profile says she can crochet lots of things, such as cloaks. I’m begging you wear a cloak over this! On second thought, make it a burkha!
Bamboo, angora, and wool? You can’t fool me. This is crocheted from the severed head of Medusa herself.
Life is tough, really. One day you’re a succesful porn star, and your intricate tramp stamp attracts all eyes. Then years pass, teeth begin to fall off, your belly isn’t what it used to be anymore, and you have to find another job. So, why not knitting? Still, her dreamy, faraway eyes on her shop’s picture show that she often thinks about those glorious days of the past.
There is no excuse for this fuckery when mannequins can be bought on Ebay for $20 and up. It would be 100% worth it to avoid getting snarked so thoroughly.
Did she delete her shop?
This is a TERRIBLE angle for anyone — and her skin isn’t at its best. But stretch marks… don’t hate. I’m not a mother, but puberty did hit me like a tonne of bricks. Stretch marks on my boobs, my hips, my butt… snarky comments just makes me want to never wear a swimsuit even more than now. T___T
O_o I’m not sure why I told y’all that. I’m not butthurt or anything, really.
NONETHELESS! Splaying oneself out like that is not attractive. I can’t even. It’s like my cat riiiight before he leans in for the ol’ Ball Lickin’ Session(tm).
I agree, bootle buntrinket (and btw, excellent steampunk name). Many more actual real human beings resemble this model than they do Tyra, and I’m not going to point out this model’s flaws unless and until I *do* resemble Tyra. But the POV angle: no. Just, no.
This is why god invented tummy tucks.
and hairbrushes, and toothbrushes, and soap, and nail clippers, and clothes ferchrissakes!
Now I know why the Etsy folks want to protect the children from the “mature” photos… my 4 year old nearly saw this and I panicked. I couldn’t possibly explain this photo to him without throwing up! This would scar him for life!
I think she probably deleted her shop. I couldn’t possibly know if anyone convo’d her, or an acquaintance txted her, or if after 15,000 views on a single item alone with ZERO sales she has deleted her shop and rethink her sales approach. Hopefully she is waiting until the new mannequin comes in the mail to reinvent her shop.
10 minutes in photoshop and I could of made this image presentable.
I’m not going to hate on her for the stretch marks, I’ve got my own, but she couldn’t drag a comb through her hair before getting in front of the camera?
If that’s a man, that’s a great tuck job. But if that’s a woman, I am speechless.
TBH, it looks more like vitiligo on her ankles than a rash… though there are fungal infections that cause piebald skin, too, so take that with a grain of salt.
That said, hillbilly bajingo floss.
@109 melam5841: Dear God. Were the glingers and hair butt plug not *enough*? Quit giving these people ideas!
Where has that belly button got to?
My husband walked in, saw this and uttered a sound I can not describe. Then he immediately left the room…presumably to vomit.
The store is still there…here is the link for those curious.
Ooops for got the link, lol
I believe we’ve found the new wallpaper for our family computer
You just made my day, and I’m forwarding this to my mom ASAP.
Holy mother of god! After being up her ass and such, i would not want that. Why would someone even put up such a horrible picture?!?!?
Re: vitiligo: Could be natural. Could be dope.
Leaving aside the obvious, isn’t anyone else disturbed by the bikini as bikini? Wet handknits- I shouldn’t have to draw any of you a diagram and withat photo fresh in your minds, I probably shouldn’t have said that.
I thought it was just the angle, then I looked at the rest of the store. Its not the angle.
Jeebus Cripes, people – it’s PSORIASIS. Which also accounts for the matted hair – if she actually combed it, it’d probably fall out in chunks. Really bad cases are like that.
Now go ahead and thumbs-down me – I probably deserve it.
I thought she just had dreads in her hair…
..but can you swim in it?
maybe it’s psoriasis, but to me it looks like the ugly indentation marks you get from kneeling on a crocheted blanket for a while…or am i the only one who gets ugly indentation marks??
Yep I’ll be voted down for this. But after the first few posts, I began to feel sick. Not because of the products produced by this woman unfortunately ‘discovered’ by Regretsy within a couple of months of opening her shop, but by the meanness and downright vituperativeness of the remarks. Clever … yep … some of them. Funny … yep … some of them. But to post Online such an barrage of mockery is too much. Like piranhas swarming over their victim.
Yep … I’m a “Cryabeetus”. But I can only think of this woman’s dismay … and yep … “Cryabeetus” is what I’m doing right now. So kick me in my crocheted crotch.
Hmm, I’m not buying the Vitiligo claim. I have vitiligo and I know other people with vitiligo and it just doesn’t look like vitiligo to me.
And I do think, this is the most horrendous bikini I’ve ever seen. Red is totally not her color
If you’re gonna spread your ass cheeks and add butt floss on the internet while lying on a dirty blanket lookin like a passed out meth head then you deserve whatever commentary you get. This is askin for it… pure and simple.
When having a bad day, just say to yourself, “It could be worse, I could be that piece of yarn caressing that woman’s taint.”
OH GOD are they selling the EXACT ONE SHE’S WEARING?!?! There has to be some health code violations here.
Well miss HellenKiller, changed the name of her Etsy store. She is now (no shit guys…) aWHIMSICALaffair.
Some of these comments are deleted for negative votes, but most of the ones which remain strike me as equally cruel. No real point here, just wondering what provokes dozens of thumbs down one second and serene complacency the next.
I don’t think this person knows what “curve hugging” means. Or is, in fact, a woman o.O
The granny panties with popcorn like lining really completes the “ODing former girlfriend who fell down outside in the yard” look.
Does it come with the psoriasis and crotch rash?
Or are they sold seperately?
I am absolutely shocked that a seller thinks this piccy would sell a bikini. I’m not sure the model is a women except for the stretch marks and lack of testicles. The model must certainly be passed out drunk.
Pass the eye bleach, please.
Good lord woman …. dress a manikin with your products … don’t wear them. No one wants to buy bugs with their crocheted ‘kini. Plus, you might have been pretty when you were 12, but now you are a hideous beast. Believe me, I am being kind.
I actually screamed when I saw this. No lie.
…but its like a train wreck…it hurts to look at but you cant freaking help to look!!!
Black holes exist on Earth?! Go ahead! Try it! Try to move your eyes away…uh huh! See! Sucked in again!
Wow – I’ve had children and that’s not what your stomach looks like – this woman is very proud that she lost 300 pounds. And she should be – it’s just that maybe crochet swimwear model is not her best bet.
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