I Hate Everyone
Once again, you called it.
I can’t believe someone is actually making these things. It’s indefensible. There is no purpose for this except to be a pain in the ass. I mean come on, she’s wearing these with wrist warmers for God’s sake. Hand covers and finger covers are basically gloves. This is gloves. You are wearing gloves, only in pieces. Because you’re high.
Just tell me what the point is. That’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Tell me why these areas need ventilating. Are you in danger of your hand exploding from the intense heat generated by your nail beds? Do people often remark that they would be more comfortable if their fingertips and metacarpal ligaments were exposed? Or do full gloves just make it too hard to play “This is the church and this is the steeple?”
I mean Jesus, how much area are we talking about? I’m entirely too stupid to do the math, but if I could, it would look something like this:
Hey, you know what would look great with three quarters of a glove?
February 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm
These are made by knitters with ADD.
February 16, 2011 at 1:35 pm
What fuckery is this?!
I only like 1/2 finger gloves, because my hands are tiny and most gloves have an inch of extra finger space which makes doing anything retardedly difficult.
But this, my friends, is either an attempt to get on Regretsy, or a dirty hippie who has smoked too much weed and didn’t have the attention span to finish the gloves.
February 16, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Finally – wiener cozies!
February 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm
And if you’re going to model your disgusting linty finger warmers on etsy at least have the decency to trim off your snaggly fingernails.
February 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I need those glingers and that shrug, a knit tube top and some skants. It will be the most awesome outfit EVER.
February 16, 2011 at 1:37 pm
The dumbest thing about the gloveless finger warmers is, not only don’t they keep your hands warm and defeat the purpose of gloves, but they take ten times longer to put on!
February 16, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Isn’t the whole point of a shrug that can shrug into and out of it? Once you have to pull it over your head, it isn’t a shrug anymore!
I think it’s called a “shrug” because that’s what you do when people ask you why you bought it. – HK
February 16, 2011 at 1:38 pm
HEY … us knitters with ADD can’t help it… but seriously… oh a squirrel… waiiiiit… umm. I need to finish these sockless heels and panty-less crotches now
January 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm
put me down for one of each.
February 16, 2011 at 1:39 pm
And do are they one size fits all, or are they sized differently according to finger dimensions?
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
But they’re perfect if all your bridesmaids are Vienna sausages.
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
those finger-warmer things are for people who have to pick their nose all the time, and use all their fingers in rapid sequence.
They also have very hot knuckles.
These things should come with tiny fans to cool off the ventilated places.
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
… and the “shrug” – for a WEDDING PARTY?
You think your bridesmaids will be pissed off by a ginat pink taffeta bow? Wait’ll you spring this on them!
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
i love the title of this post.
maybe if only some of your fingers get cold, for instance, your middle finger would be nice and toasty after flipping everyone off, but your other fingers are all jealous and cold.
or you’re just some insane hipster
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Sad half-shrug lady looks like a turtle who’s lost his shell. Or a penis with only the foreskin left.
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
The shrug is freakin’ awesome.
February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Oh, dear God.
February 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Finally, something I can wear to wedding party, or evening party. That will look perfect over my frilly blouse! Let’s just hope I don’t get wine thrown on it!
February 16, 2011 at 1:42 pm
You can wear that shrug to a wedding party? Damn, I’d rather wear the glingers.
February 16, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Fuck, I can hardly keep track of having two mittens. One or the other is always missing. I’d hate to have to look for ten dinky little pieces all the time.
February 16, 2011 at 1:42 pm
the shrug thing is useful for the topless bar waitress whose manager keeps the room a bit too cold.
February 16, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I am too distracted by the glistening white tee she’s wearing and the undead expression on her face to even notice the idiot shrug. I think the creator either UPCYCLED it from a cowlneck sweater, or she stole a pattern for a (somewhat) normal cowlneck sweater and discovered she hadn’t bought enough “London Wool”.
Extra credit for the all-caps-inexplicable-description.
As far as the glingers are concerned, I smell a lawsuit.
February 16, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Oooh, now I know what to do with all those projects I got bored of or ran out of wool for . And at $78 dollars a pop for half a jumper I’m going to be minted!
February 16, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Someone finally made the accessories to go with my crocheted bikini! Beachgoers everywhere will be mad jealous of my warm shoulders and fingers.
February 16, 2011 at 1:44 pm
The cocaine fingernail explains so much.
February 16, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I can actually see a use for the glingers – for very clumsy people who are always cutting their fingers or scraping their knuckles on something – the glingers would provide extra protection, and also cover the hello kitty bandaids.
Nah, those are just stupid.
February 16, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Along the same lines at #3 I was thinking as gloveless fingers they’re shite, but with a little creative marketing she’s got 10 tampon cozies.
February 16, 2011 at 1:49 pm
It’s Wintertime for strippers!
February 16, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I was just thinking that those are upcycled from the tampon holders that are filed under “Vaginas”
February 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I can see a person wearing a “headless” jumper (the one where the head is actually all knitted) and wearing these things (if I was good at photoshopping I would have made a picture of it, I think it would look hilarious!)
May I also predict as a future trend the sock version of gloveless fingers, just for toes, in case your foot is normally feeling quite warm, but it’s the toes that are freezing all the time… Imagine what crack it would be putting those “SOCK-LESS TOES” on every morning?
Ok, now my mind is flying it – what about the finger part of a mitten that could be worn with suspenders going all around your shoulders (for those lazy bastards who couldn’t be bothered putting each gloveless finger individually)? Or how about the sockless full toes cover version with suspenders going around the heel to hold it in place?
Now people, forget you read it, because I’m going off to patent all those.
February 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm
At last, someone with the courage to combine the worst traits of cowls with the worst traits of shrugs! That’s artistic vision, is what that is.
February 16, 2011 at 1:51 pm
And as for the shrug… well I needed something to wear to my next mammogram. You think it’s too much?
February 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm
My guess is their religion holds that interphalangeal joints are slutty & should be kept modestly covered at all times.
February 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Gah. I just noticed the price of the shrug. For 78 dollars, I demand a torso.
February 16, 2011 at 1:54 pm
very attractive — to tortoises
February 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm
thanks, but what I really want is a scarf that covers my protruding collar bones and chin waggle only. ONLY!!! please keep the neck and shoulder bones exposed.
February 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm
That shrug is so steampunk!
February 16, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I love the glingers- I mean the color does not do it for me- but it is just like what Britney was wearing in Glee last night and she rocked the world and wound up on The Sartorialist. Except for fingers.
February 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Fucking hipsters.
February 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm
#4 mazumi: I demand pictures of this fashion statement… preferably in public places.
February 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Nope. I don’t trust it. Sure, she looks perfectly and delightfully glum in that shrug, but I just know if I wore it, I’d be carted off to the funny farm faster than I could say, “But I ALMOST wore glingers!”
February 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I think she forgot the mustache.
February 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm
This was, indeed, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
February 16, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Maybe I can upcycle those glingers into cat legwarmers.
As for that “shrug”, there’s no hope.
February 16, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Well, someone must read my posts. Guess I will have to add my own bling for the ultimate nose pickin’ Blinglingers!
My comments on the original Glingers post:
#6 qwertygirl :
Really looking forward to the fingertipless ones. While Glingers are a great idea, they would severely threaten my nose picking activities.
Ok – I’m going to pick favorites — Desiree — my prediction is they would sell fast to fashionestyistas! Maybe even make Blinglingers by adding a crocheted gem, a tea cup or scrabble tile and she could retire early.
February 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I’m not sure if I should be proud of myself, or ashamed….but I bought ‘em.
Pics in public places to follow….possibility of YouTube vid’s if I can get over the “my face is meant for radio” thing that I have…..
I LOVE YOU – hk
February 16, 2011 at 2:08 pm
That “Shrug” is totally from the school of “I didn’t know knitting would be so time-consuming, but what the hell am I supposed to do with the sleeve I already knit?”
February 16, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I wonder if she would sell me one glinger out of the set. I want to buy a vagina ring and I want to be quite discreet about it, so if I wear a glinger over the ring it will cease to be NSFW.
February 16, 2011 at 2:08 pm
BTW…just bought the “finger warmers” …couldn’t afford the cowl/sleeve abomination on my budget, and I’m only willing to endure public humiliation to a point, know what I mean?
February 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I only want these if I can get that little string attached that will go through my turtleneck shrug sleeves.
February 16, 2011 at 2:10 pm
FingBlings
February 16, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Next: Legless pants. There’s a place for a belt, maybe (maybe) a crotch, and then cuffs. That’s it.
February 16, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Shenanigans. This is Regretsy bait in response to that poll, I promise you.
But it would do well to observe that a person who decides to go out, knit these, write a cheery description and then post them on Etsy for the sake of trolling is not taking their Fabric Design degree seriously.
February 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm
#42 @JD, you JUST beat me to it!
February 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm
“I have an unfinished turtle neck sweater, ran out of yarn, are you stupid enough to pay $78 for it? Paypal only.”
February 16, 2011 at 2:20 pm
How long until I can buy glingers covered in rhinestones?
February 16, 2011 at 2:29 pm
They look like toddler penis cozies.
February 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Come now, April. You knew it was only a matter of time.
February 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Upon closer inspection of the photos accompanying the glingers, she’s actually modeling them with her somewhat dingy half-glove-sleeved thermal dinosaur pjs! Super-hipster!
February 16, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm
@52 Easily-Distracted
I don’t know what I hate more. Dinosaurs, thermals, or hipsters.
Let’s go with the glingers.
February 16, 2011 at 2:37 pm
#52 They’re not dinosaurs, they’re birds.
…..Actually this is the first time I ever really **believe** birds evolved out of dinosaurs!
February 16, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Just the thing to make stubby fingers look stubbier!
February 16, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Thinking positively, they could be useful for people who constantly hurt themselves picking their nose. You see, if they try to get more than one knuckle’s worth of finger up there the wool will make them sneeze, automatically ejecting the finger before it makes contact with the optic nerve.
Or they could be useful in the porn industry. The eight guys standing around while Brittni is dealing with the other five may get chilly and we all know what kind of impact that can have on performance. (You gotta fluffer before you nutter.)
Anyway, I’m still waiting for thigh warmers.
February 16, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Fingerless gloves are useful. I have some, and I wear them a lot. I also wore them a lot in college when I was in the marching band and had to play the saxophone in near-freezing conditions.
Gloveless fingers are just Regretsy-bait. I’d wager my own molars to say so.
February 16, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I kind of hate it when we’re right.
February 16, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Sweet, now I can put my mediocre I-got-bored-after-I-learned-one-stitch knitting skills to use in making something other than scarves for my family members next Christmas. I wonder if she is also selling the pattern.
February 16, 2011 at 3:21 pm
I need the shrug for breastfeeding in public. What? I want to “look very attractive.”
February 16, 2011 at 3:21 pm
I want to go to the State Fair with you and people watch.
February 16, 2011 at 3:23 pm
@45 – someone needs to make the rainbow crotchless version for all the vulva-obsessed lesbians.
February 16, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Glingers are remarkably useful for iPhone usage too!
Help, I’m starting to think like them!!!!
February 16, 2011 at 3:41 pm
@ #45 LeeLooDallas I once had legless pants like you describe pitched to me as a costume design for a show I was directing … yeah…
February 16, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Just needs an arse hat to top it all off.
February 16, 2011 at 3:50 pm
This would be a way to ferret out the “woolies” at the office, wear them to work and see who gets all flushed and sweaty checking out your finger snuggies.
February 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2011 at 4:16 pm
some people say knittin’s only for rugs
i say knit me up some glingers and shrugs
glingers and shrugs, merkins and skants …
a hurl necklace just like my aunt’s.
you buy useless crap, and what do you get?
a little ridicule and deeper in debt.
st. helen, don’t ya mock me, i can’t take it no mo’
i sold my soul to the etsy sto’
February 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Shit. I totally love the shrug. I’m so embarrassed.
February 16, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Finger Condoms – a great way to prevent you from getting hand herpes or unplanned thumb pregnancies.
February 16, 2011 at 4:49 pm
I need the shrug for breastfeeding in public. What? I want to “look very attractive.”
So you’re thinking it’s more of a nursing sweater? Or maybe an Xtreme dickey? Perhaps it’s an aid to female boob flashers…you know, nobody suspects the woman with the turtleneck and the raincoat of being a perv.
February 16, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Finally…FINALLY! A piece of clothing made to accommodate my enormous knockers and yet still fit through the shoulders.
February 16, 2011 at 4:54 pm
#61 – screw the state fair. you want to people watch at Dragon*con. There is so much whimsicle fuckery there your head would explode.
February 16, 2011 at 4:59 pm
And I thought keeping up with paired socks was difficult. How many seconds till you lose one. Or two. or 7.
Then you’d REALLY look silly keeping only 3 fingers warm.
And how do you pick which are your favorite fingers and therefore get to keep cozy while the rest shiver in all their naked glory…
February 16, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Oh–here’s a good use for the finger warmers. http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Dusty_and_Eartha
Jim Henson would be pleased…
February 16, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2011 at 5:40 pm
If I might, I really expected them to have strings connecting each of the glingers. What’s going to happen when you lose one? Can I buy just one? Are there glinger replacements? This is all so confusing.
February 16, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Damn! I was hoping for Amish Goth!
February 16, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I am a knitter, and I feel very strongly about shit like this. There are SO MANY patterns for things like this, you wouldn’t believe it. Shrugs that are basically just sleeves, sweaters that end right below your boobs, don’t get me started on fingerless gloves. They are marketed as “fuctional” and “cute” and “cropped” but I think you are either too slow to knit a whole sweater or too cheap to buy enough yarn to finish the damn thing. Whew, I feel better now.
February 16, 2011 at 6:07 pm
@ #45 LeeLooDallas I can see the marketing now for “canvas cargo stockings”
February 16, 2011 at 6:09 pm
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thinks they should come with individual strings you can run up the sleeves of your coat, like my mom used to do with my mittens when I was a kid. Otherwise you’re just going to lose them and have to buy replacements (or knit your own).
I can see a use for them, though; I once owned a pair of black fingerless driver’s gloves, and these would have come in handy during the winter.
February 16, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Why isn’t the wedding shrug white? I’m not a harlot after all. Why use glingers when you could get 10 finger puppets and wear them around?
February 16, 2011 at 6:30 pm
@sheltiepitbullfin- speaking of finger puppets, if you dipped your finger tips in yellow paint and added some orange beaks, you’d have a whole flock of chicken poncho finger puppets!
now *that* would be something to see.
February 16, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I want to wear that shrug AS skants.
February 16, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
February 16, 2011 at 7:14 pm
HK,
You got it wrong. The finger warmers don’t go with the “torsoless” sweater. They go with the “nose warmer”. Too bad it was already sold:
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/41387263
February 16, 2011 at 7:29 pm
The glingers can be upcycled as leg-warmers for your Mexican hairless (thats a dog- not a shaved latina vagaina)
February 16, 2011 at 10:33 pm
I want these in eyelash yarn with matching socks. They are for my hobbit costume.
February 16, 2011 at 10:42 pm
I like wearing fingerless gloves because they are handy for eating and typing. Also because they remind me of playing quidditch when I was a kid.
Anyway, if you’re going to make ridiculous shit like this, you may as well add huge crochet flowers and beading and call them “avant-garde dinner rings” or something. They go great with obscure music and comically oversized glasses! In fact, I will see about making some right away.
February 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm
Tired of needing your glingers and only being able to find 7 of them? Try the NEW! Etsy “SuperSpecial Steampunk Glinger Keepers” Only $4.50 for a set of ten!
There are sock rings to help keep track of sock pairs in the laundry — I think the Gloveless Finger Warmers would fit into them quite well — They currently cost $2.79 on Amazon. SO. . . I am thinking of selling (re-selling) them on Etsy for the soon-to-be-hot Glinger market.
Better than a fishbowl full of feathers. . .
February 17, 2011 at 2:36 am
Almost as ridiculous as these are the new “cropped gloves” they have now.
http://www.dinodirect.com/gloves-sheepskin-cropped-women-mini.html
I saw someone in the Grammy red carpet show wearing them and thought they were almost to the point of the gloveless fingers I had seen mentioned here in the past. At least these stupid things keep the fingers together.
February 17, 2011 at 9:29 am
That shrug would be ideal for a chilly Mardi Gras morning, perfect for keeping your neck and arms warm and toasty while showing your tits.
Also, “It is so cute, you can use it in everytime” is my new favorite Etsy-ism.
February 17, 2011 at 10:01 am
Well, I was going to suggest the soon-to-be-a-classic “Gownless Evening Strap” but it appears to already be available.
http://www.zaphon.com/revealing-open-front-gown-np-4236.html
February 17, 2011 at 11:07 am
i am going to make “gloveless gloves” next!
February 17, 2011 at 11:18 am
@47 Steviesegel, these glingers would look lovely with the Rainbow Vagina Ring or the Raw Amazonite Stone Cocktail Ring. Just sayin’…
February 17, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I went to the shop of the shrug, and it’s brilliant! So many really lovely shawls and shrugs, you need to have a look. I love this one, really unusual: http://www.etsy.com/listing/43960522/grey-little-daisy-mohair-warm
This person obviously has a lot of talent and just tried to do something a bit different.
February 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm
If you’re going to wear the London Shrug in London (UK), I suggest you complement it with a pair of one-legged pants/trousers in the same way that the locals do. That way you’ll blend in easy. I seriously just got back from there not two hours ago, so I know what I’m talking about.
February 17, 2011 at 5:23 pm
#7 ursusknittus: I almost choked on my dinner reading that.
#28 Tanya: I so need those sockless toes. My feet are always freezing!
#101 itwasntme: I’d actually wear that, that is, if I had big enough tits to keep the top up. Question is, where the hell would I wear it? Thanks for the link, though. I’m gonna go browse the site.
February 17, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Glingers are SOOOOOO 2005, people! As proof, I offer this pic:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Expert_(album)
(Please don’t mock my sweet Wilber, though; he was an impressionable 25 yr old pop idol under the influence of an evil Stylist.)
February 17, 2011 at 7:21 pm
On second thought, maybe I should get some glingers…the lovely “Preorder Special Bonus Gift” I got with the aforementioned Wilber’s latest album last month was–yep, you guessed it, fingerless gloves. Black. With the album name on the backs, in Chinese. Makes me look like a gangmember. Some pretty pastel glingers might make them look less threatening, maybe like a My Little Pony gang. Whaddya think?
February 17, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Looks a bit like a Sontaron from Dr Who…
February 18, 2011 at 5:48 am
Britney Spears is apparently a new fan of “glingers” as well. Her new video is chock full of them!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Edv8Onsrgg&feature=player_embedded
((I HATE that I even watched this video, but couldn’t keep her gloveless fingers to myself! I thought of this site as soon as I watched it!))
February 20, 2011 at 5:19 am
And somehow that woman with the shrug is a real person.
February 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Lots of great ideas here :
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1946405
I love the “swearrings”. How much time before they appear on Etsy ?
February 24, 2011 at 5:02 pm
My nails are cold!
March 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Hey! I made those. Awesome. I did it ’cause I thought they were funny. I may have seen on Regretsy that they’d become a fad. . . I thought I might help it along. I’m making more if you want them! In fact, I just made some in orange creamsicle and lime! And I take special orders.
April 3, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Maybe she was onto something?
or maybe not
April 15, 2011 at 6:56 am
I want them. Seriously.
September 16, 2011 at 2:43 pm
It’s not a fashion statement. I have Raynaud’s disease so my hands get hot but my fingers stay cold and hurt. The gloveless fingers warmers work great for my situation. Especially without tips, I can work, type, or whatever I need to do.