The Handmade Tail
Last December, I asked you to predict the hottest Etsy trends of 2011.
You came up with some astonishingly good ideas, like flannel hot pants with detachable dinosaur heads, mammy-patterned menstrual pads and of course, gloves that are just fingers.
But if you look carefully at the list of write-in suggestions, you’ll notice something else.
Oh, it was funny all right. But it was just a silly joke! No one would ever actually make such a thing.
Or would they?
Butt plug – human hair
This is a unique piece made as part of a “wedding gift”. A girlfriend gave us her hair shortly after her wedding. She wanted it turned into a flogger. He was enchanted with her offering and decided to take it a step further. We turned her gorgeous locks into a butt plug for his “filly”; to complete the look.
Isn’t that beautiful? It’s like that old Christmas story; she sold her hair to buy him a buttplug, and he sold his ass to buy her a comb.
The hand-turned butt plug is of canary wood. The hair was inserted and sealed into the plug. If you would like to offer you own hair for this or similar products, just give us a call.
Yes, it looks like you people have done it again. True, it’s not on Etsy. But there’s always Monday.
It just goes to show you that whatever ridiculous shit you can think of, someone else is already working on it. And when they’re done, they’re going to stick it up their ass.
February 11, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Rule 34 — NO EXCEPTIONS.
NONE.
February 11, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Will this be on my Christmas list?
Neigh.
February 11, 2011 at 5:24 pm
i whip my hair back and forth
February 11, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Wow, that is some beautiful hair. She wasted it all to be used as a butt plug?
She probably could have sold her hair of 3000 dollars.
February 11, 2011 at 5:25 pm
It’s probably creepy that I want to see this next to something to get the scale of this? Like, as I was reading, I was clenching my butt cheeks in horror.
February 11, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I would laugh if someone asks for one with a bleached-blonde mohawk.
February 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm
And then you can paint apples and daisies on her butt cheeks and sing the My Little Pony theme song.
February 11, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Wouldn’t that make a nice V-Day git with complete harness set, a saddle and a feedbag?
Not for me. Just marketing out loud again.
February 11, 2011 at 5:31 pm
This item is going to stirrup alot of anxieties.
February 11, 2011 at 5:32 pm
This buttplug is yiffing crazy.
February 11, 2011 at 5:34 pm
A thing of beauty is a joy forever, especially if it makes your ass look like a pony.
February 11, 2011 at 5:38 pm
#9 LeeLooDallas- Oooooooooo LMAO! No multipass for you!
February 11, 2011 at 5:46 pm
So, a hand-turned wooden butt plug with long black human hair…would that count as Amish Goth? Because that would cross two off of that list in one shot.
February 11, 2011 at 5:47 pm
For the first time ever, my fiance used his horse-soundboard for something other than making fun of Sarah Jessica Parker. Thank you Regretsy!
February 11, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Wow – wonder what that looks like on, er, in.
February 11, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I will be braiding mine. I like to class it up.
February 11, 2011 at 5:49 pm
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February 11, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Let’s face it, this would make a wonderful ensemble with the Bronze Black Faux Fur Legs from 1/26
February 11, 2011 at 5:56 pm
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February 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Is this to go with the daddle?
February 11, 2011 at 6:01 pm
How is it that these people find each other? Is there a frequency they can hear that no one else can? How is it that they’re finding love and marrying while I, who have no wish to upbutt anything, am still single?
Fuck everything.
February 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Take that Locks of Love with your restrictions on length and highlighting. You can jam it up your ass!
February 11, 2011 at 6:09 pm
WANT!
February 11, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Whoever buys this just needs some reins and a Daddle and they’ll be all set.
February 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Am I limited on the type of hair I use? How bout a bush hair butt plug?
February 11, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Maybe you’ve answered your own question, Mooples.
Start growin’ that hair!
February 11, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Eh. It’s nice and all. But I prefer my butt plugs to be made of a low quality unfinished wood and hair that doesn’t have split ends. I’m picky when it comes to the anal play, what can I say.
February 11, 2011 at 6:20 pm
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February 11, 2011 at 6:25 pm
I believe this is what’s referred to as an “anal merkin.”
February 11, 2011 at 6:27 pm
I wonder what kind of shampoo would be required to wash that.
Definitely would need to do more than just get rid of dandruff…
February 11, 2011 at 6:28 pm
I’m calling dibs on Amish Goth right now, before anyone else raids the list for ideas.
February 11, 2011 at 6:39 pm
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February 11, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Talking about getting a hair across one’s ass…
And to think, I could have donated to this instead of Locks of Love!
February 11, 2011 at 6:52 pm
SPLINTERS!
February 11, 2011 at 7:09 pm
And here I thought I was being naughty when I bought my husband glow-in-the-dark condoms for our wedding night.
February 11, 2011 at 7:17 pm
#30 Gem:
“I wonder what kind of shampoo would be required to wash that.”
Preparation H shampoo.
February 11, 2011 at 7:20 pm
My husband just looked at this and said “um, is that supposed to be something to keep the flies away?”
February 11, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Oh, whatever! You all know you want a human hair butt plug. Especially when it’s this lustrous.
February 11, 2011 at 7:45 pm
For anyone wondering: It’s rule 34 of the internet. If you can imagine it, there is porn of it
February 11, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Anyone care to make a friendly wager on the next item to be knocked off the hottest Etsy trends of 2011 list? T-shirts made from chopsticks?
Bit of a crap shoot, this trend prediction. My first guess would not have been human hair butt plug – I know that.
February 11, 2011 at 8:05 pm
#30 Gem: Maybe it comes with a coordinating curry comb for grooming. . .
February 11, 2011 at 8:11 pm
@#24 Mooples, well there is your problem … just start shoving your hair up your ass and the boys will come a runnin’!
February 11, 2011 at 8:16 pm
In rodeo, it’s common for competitors to cut chunks out of their dead horse’s tail and make it into a tassle or braid and fasten it onto their new horse’s bridle or saddle. I have even had bracelets made from one of my more beloved barrel horses.
Naturally, I find this to be a great way to create a momento for all my ex husbands, as I outlive each of them and select a richer and younger one than the last.
February 11, 2011 at 8:32 pm
I guess the big question is: Does this come with a matching bridle?
February 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm
The next time I have a door knob, and someone’s disembodied ponytail I’ll be SURE to make one of these for my one personal use!
February 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Unfortunately this is not the weirdest thing I’ve come across today……
What does it say about me that my first thought was exactly “how durable and safe to use is a wooden butt plug?” and not “gross! a butt plug with human hair!”
February 11, 2011 at 9:41 pm
howdy. first time commenter, long time lurker. i went thru all the registration motions, JUST so i could say..
i call cocoa puff fat albert mosaics, next. and if it doesnt happen naturally, i will coerce it. this needs to be materialized.
February 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I’m willing to auction off some dog hair if the price for human hair is that high. What you do with it, I don’t want to know.
February 11, 2011 at 10:43 pm
Well, crap. When I submitted “Human Hair Butt Plugs” it was simply because it was the most outrageous thing I could think of. Etsy just pwned me.
But I will admit that in my vision, the actual plug itself was made out of a huge, nasty, crusty dingleberry of human hair, so I guess the dream is still alive…
February 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Unfortunately – oh how unfortunately – I saw hair ponytail butt plugs in 2007, in a sex shop in Copenhagen (a sex shop in which my friend was working, I do hasten to add. I really only popped in to say hi… Since I was in the country an’ all. I wasn’t in any way interested in buying one. Or anything else there. Really. Actually I had nightmares about the hair butt plugs, and now it’s all been reignited thanks to this.)
February 11, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Flog. Rinse. Repeat.
February 11, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Unless they’ve sealed the wood with some kind of varnish, that shit is seriously unsanitary.
…it’s probably bad that that’s my first though when I see this.
February 12, 2011 at 2:29 am
WHY must everything end in fuckery??
This is why we can’t we have nice things…
February 12, 2011 at 5:59 am
You would definitely need a unicorn horn fascinator with a rainbow veil to complete the look.
February 12, 2011 at 6:26 am
This is actually much less horrible than what I imagined when I read ‘human hair butt plug.’ My first thought was extremely compacted human hair.
February 12, 2011 at 8:34 am
I’m imagining the conversation between coworkers.
“Oh, you cut your hair. It was so long! Did you donate it to Locks of Love?”
“No, I had it attached to a handmade wooden butt plug that I now use for my master’s pleasure.”
“…”
February 12, 2011 at 11:35 am
I see the thumbs downers are out en mass. I can’t get the line “Grab my ponytail and ride me like a horse” out of my head now.
February 12, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Look at my horse, my horse is amazing.
I bet this really sets of that nether region grooming flouncer.
February 12, 2011 at 12:51 pm
My mom always said, “You can stick a hairy butt plug up your ass but it won’t make you a horse.”
February 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Helen: Ms. V is now making all the butt plugs for Mr. Andre…..is all of this a lead-up to starting a fund raiser for his colon treatment? ‘Jus curious……
February 12, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Hung like a horse- you’re doing it wrong.
February 12, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Something about this just has My Pony by Far written all over it. I think it’s the pony theme… but I can’t be sure.
February 12, 2011 at 10:50 pm
I’d like to view this in a womb.
February 13, 2011 at 3:53 am
Euw… I think after using it once you’re never going to get that hair clean
February 13, 2011 at 8:36 am
Not only will it keep you “filly” sexually satisified, she can swish it around to keep flies off of her ass, which, if she goes “whole farmyard” and uses My Sweet Vagina douche, will be quite neccessary.
February 13, 2011 at 8:47 pm
how about some more future trends?
permanent condoms
thigh warmers
nun sponges
trust malls
thrust falls
February 14, 2011 at 9:03 am
HK, someone really needs to keep score and see just how many items off of this list actually get made. Especially when it inspires comments like this. Not that I’m volunteering or anything…though I’m tempted to make some jewelry out of sequinned bingo chips (especially if I could figure out a way to make it Amish Goth).
February 14, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Big Butter Jesus- fer cryin’ out loud, Shirley, there’s a State Fair somewhere what’n done that already.
February 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm
This is actually much less horrible than what I imagined when I read ‘human hair butt plug.’ My first thought was extremely compacted human hair.
YES! Me too. And then I saw the pic and I was like, “Oh thank god, it’s just one of those ‘pony play’ buttplugs with the tail on it. I thought it would be something gross and/or weird.”
I freely admit that my standards of grossness and weirdness are probably different from most people’s.
February 15, 2011 at 9:19 pm
oh good lord.. i HAD to see this the night before an interview at a sex shop.. sigh..
February 16, 2011 at 6:27 am
Actually, that someone came up with this doesn’t surprise me that much. What worries me much more is that someone thinks that they will ever be able to adequately sterilize the wood after first use.