Caesar Rap
I’m Julius Ceasar, Roman geezer
I fucked them up at the Battle of Alesia
Cleopatra was hot but I got her in the freezer
I got mad Cheops like the Pyramid of Giza
Yeah you know me, I’m Julius C
Who’s down with me, I’m Julius C
You down with me, I’m Julius C
All the ladies love Julius C
Battled with Pompey at Pharsalus
Drank gin and juice from a golden chalice
Don’t need no Trojan on my phallus
If you go to Vegas you can see my palace
Yeah you know me, I’m Julius C
Who’s down with me, I’m Julius C
You down with me, I’m Julius C
All the ladies love Julius C
Et tu, dawg
February 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Who do I have to bribe to make this rap a legit single?
February 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm
I would love to take a stab at that.
February 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Those hipsters, with the long side ferns.
February 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm
This is so you can use the iPhone on Verizon’s 3G network, isn’t it?
February 11, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Are the accents gold-plated thumbtacks? Awesome.
February 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm
If your name is not Young Flashy Fly you may not purchase these shades.
*ferns sold separately
February 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Yo’ Yo’ Imma let you finish, but I jus’ wanna say that Ray Ban make some o’ th’ best eyewear they is.
February 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Does the guy come with it? Because those shades are NOT worth $300. I’m not sure the guy is worth that much.
February 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm
“Them?” What in the world is the seller referring to – those sunglasses???? The gods themselves crafted sunglasses? Then threw them down from the sky?
I just don’t understand! Someone help me!
February 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I think he looks like a superhero. But then again, I have been drinking heavily this evening.
February 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I would bet money that you’ll see these on Kanye in the future…
February 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm
My other thoughts:
1. Shouldn’t he be wearing a toga, or maybe that green sheet thing from yesterday?
2. It would be cool if that gold bolt in the middle was a glowing red LED that bounced back and forth, BY YOUR COMMAND.
3. Does the earpiece on the glasses repeat “Remember, you are mortal” over and over?
4. This should not have been released for sale until March 15th.
February 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Dear Julius,
Is your necklace made out of Lego heads or puka shells?
love,
WotV
February 11, 2011 at 1:40 pm
All the hipster rappers wear ferns on their shades and cotton cardigans.
February 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Laurelicious!
February 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Ashanti already bought them.
February 11, 2011 at 1:41 pm
You get that rap on iTunes and I will buy it. Double platinum!
February 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Is Young Flashy Fly related to Marty McFly?
February 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm
@WotV
See, I was thinking the necklace was made out of corn kernels, but I like the idea of a Lego head necklace.
February 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I’m glad Flashy Fly has dibs on these so I’m not tempted-they would totes get caught on my hair.
February 11, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I think that necklace is made out of plastic skull beads, originally intended for a small Kali doll.
February 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I’m guessing the intent was to let them land in a volcano.
February 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm
The necklace is made of skulls, but I believe they are actual bone (I work at a bead store, and we sell them. They are creepy and they stink)
February 11, 2011 at 1:53 pm
This is a promo picture from a Star Trek mashup: Geordie LaForge is transported back in time and through space to the Roman planet.
February 11, 2011 at 1:58 pm
#23 is correct. I have the matching bracelet out of bone skulls. I’m feeling unfinished without the shades though.
February 11, 2011 at 2:03 pm
All the magic you can make with a hot glue gun.
February 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm
All you’ll need is a few fake flowers and you can sneak into any wedding, hotel or other venue disguised as a tacky flower arrangement.
February 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Random thoughts –
Mercury head dime bag!
The Gallic uprising will not be televised!
Where’s FlavoFlav’s sundial?
Suge Knight should be standing behind him whispering
“Sic Gloria Transit Mundi” in his ear.
February 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Dear Helen,
As a trained Classicist, this is possibly the best summary of Roman history in the annals of history. I know you get tons of “I love you, you are the best thing ever!” mail but seriously….
*SWOON!!*
February 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Well at least now “Young Flashy Fly” will be easy to find in the crowd should he get separated from “Flashy Fly the Elder” during the gladiatorial contests.
February 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Rah rah rah-ah-ahhh
Roma ro-ma-maaa
Kanye oh la la…
February 11, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Another woman’s repellent has been born.
February 11, 2011 at 2:39 pm
@27 off topic but Flavor Flav just opened a chicken restaurant in my town. I haven’t gone but there was a super long line out front in the middle of winter. On the point, he should so be wearing a toga and sandals, oh those sandals that Hermes wore with the wings.
February 11, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I’m sure those grant you instant access into all the hottest clubs.
“You’re not on the guest list? Oh wait… awesome shades! Come on in!!”
Coolness just hit an all new, EPIC level.
February 11, 2011 at 2:44 pm
@ #2 — that’s what Julius C said.
February 11, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Also, do these look particularly nautical to anyone else? Like they belonged on the I’m On a Boat video or something with that Pashmina Afghan?
February 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm
“…with only one intent.” To make you the laughingstock of your crew.
February 11, 2011 at 3:05 pm
It’s gratifying to see the word “phallus” in a rap. It makes any discussion of penises so much more erudite.
February 11, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Also, as the only dorkus white girl on my bus route, I will have to buy these so I can blend in and garner respect in the hood.
February 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm
These could have been made by the Gods, when you consider how much inbreeding there was among the God. Hera and Zeus were brother and sister. Even, Jesus was his own papa.
February 11, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Chastity glasses.
Also, is he wearing a little necklace of yellow candy skulls? Wouldn’t mind eating them off him…agh! Those damn glasses.
February 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm
gather round children, to hear a story of magnificent glasses, crafted by the gods THEMSELVES exclusively for young flashy fly. these glasses were thrown down from the skies with only one intent. it was not to help young flashy fly see better – as one would expect from a pair of spectacles – but rather, to make a better spectacle of HIMSELF. and that, my moppets, may well contain an important lesson for each and every one of us.
the moral of this story, you ask? if the gods throw some fugly specs at you, have no fear. Etsy is here.
February 11, 2011 at 3:42 pm
OMG…I loved Meshach Taylor in Mannequin. Lookin’ good, Hollywood.
February 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm
well, one thing you can’t accuse him of is (a-hem) sitting on his laurels… bu dum dum tish
February 11, 2011 at 3:50 pm
“I can’t see a damn thing bro! Let me just adjust my antenas…WTF? Olympus channel?”
February 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I dont know about ya’ll but every time I look at #25 I have to do a double take and remind myself that it isnt someone breastfeeding, lmao…sorry its off topic, I know all us regretsy peeps rate comments with a iron fist
said with *love*
February 11, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Please tell me I’m not the only one hearing this rap song in Weird Al Yankovic’s voice.
February 11, 2011 at 4:45 pm
#45 well no…not now….damn it! Gonna take all night to get that outta my head now.
February 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Those leaves look like German scrap to me, which means the first rain storm will transform them back into an acceptable pair of sunglasses.
Also, #45: I actually had Amy Poehler in my head. Ever since she busted a cap in that moose, she’s my favorite rapper.
February 11, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Yo dawg, I herd you like laurels.
February 11, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Overheard in the skies:
Apollo: “Hey, remember those fucking ridiculous shades Vulcan made last week?”
Diana: “You mean the gold-laurel abominations that horrified Zeus so much that he hurled them out of the sky?”
Apollo: “The very same. Well, guess what? Humans found ‘em and sold ‘em on Etsy!”
Diana: “SAY WHAT!”
February 11, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Give it time and Kanye West will be rocking these. Not only will HK be able to take credit for Ashanti’s Fuck You, Fuck Me pumps, but also Kanye’s Ceasar Shades.
If this keeps up, I’m afraid HK will be in danger of becoming a fashionistai
February 11, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Yo, JC, why so srs?
February 11, 2011 at 6:36 pm
So the ability to accidently poke someone’s eye out is the new cool? Oh yay!
February 11, 2011 at 6:36 pm
I came.
I saw.
I LOLed.
February 11, 2011 at 7:02 pm
a fail attempt by Young Flashy Fly to out do his better know older brother Levi 501 Button Fly
February 11, 2011 at 7:19 pm
E tu, Etsy?
February 11, 2011 at 8:20 pm
I initially assumed the ferns were made of the flexible plastic crap you see in many holiday floral wreathes and such. Oh, no. According to the listing, the ferns are made of “precious brass.”
While I am impressed that the seller is only using the highest quality, um, wall art clippings, I’m a little frightened of the leaves. They’re like little serrated blades. Hug a fine-ass bitch too close and she’ll look like Edward Scissorhands gave her a makeover.
February 11, 2011 at 8:41 pm
1. Young Flashy Fly needs to watch his back because if I see him I’m bustin’ a cap in his a$$ and stealing them right of his face
2. HK- This is the most brilliant piece of artistry I’ve ever laid eyes on. Menstruation. (Menstruation seems so much more appropriate than period)
February 11, 2011 at 8:42 pm
*off. I swear I know the difference between of and off!
February 11, 2011 at 9:38 pm
so this is what those young punks did to my fake ferns i have on the porch
February 11, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Genius HK! Genius!
February 11, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Precious brass.. sharp edges.. guess he won’t be resting the side of his face on his laurels.
February 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I can’t think of anything witty to say because that rap has rendered me speechless.
February 12, 2011 at 6:44 pm
The brass ferns are modesty screens when visiting that other ancient Roman innovation – the vomitorium.
February 12, 2011 at 10:13 pm
LOL brilliant.
“Don’t need no Trojan on my phallus”
February 13, 2011 at 12:03 pm
such a disappointment..,
I really wanted to buy it, but I’m a MIDDLE AGED HORNET so do not qualify as a buyer…