…next on 11 Alive News: Local Parents honored for actually using discipline on their bratty children. This development could change society back into a pleasant place!!
But…the striking surfaces of all three spoons are roughly the same size. The main difference is the lengths of the handles…so it’s more like different levels of laziness than different levels of discipline.
“Get over here so momma can spank you! I said get over here! Get – aw fuck it.” [picks up longest-handled spoon and clobbers child from the next room]
My mother did keep old wooden spoons around for hitting our asses when we had it coming (and hairbrushes, belts, wooden paddles…y’know a lil something in every room and a forest of switches outdoors). But she didn’t love us enough TO PUT OUR FUCKING PICTURES ON THEM
My Grandma (not really my Grandma but my babysitter my whole childhood) had a wooden paddle that used to have a rubber ball and band with it to which we might get a swat here and there. Always made me wonder if the idea stemmed from some other kid who didn’t listen to her when she said, “stop hitting that paddle ball against the wall!”
She also had an old tube sock with a safety pin that would promptly get pinned to your ass if you tattled.
I wore bread bags over my socks inside my winter boots.
And they wonder why they had to put tube socks over my hands and pin them to my sleeves so I wouldn’t suck my thumbs as I napped all balled up in the fetal position.
I survived. I don’t need a therapist. I don’t wear bread bags any more. I don’t like unmatched socks out of the dryer. I have a paddle without a ball.
#0 and why would any real mother WANT to leave the kitchen anyway *snork*
#9 real moms hang rugs on the walls and don’t need no steenkin ‘ball gag
#12 no, you can’t top the dominatrix
ah, yes let’s glorify good ol’ fashion dicipline! it’ll look so charming on that blank wall space between the iron madien and the rack, which are there purely for decor of course and not for forcing heretics to confess at all…
$45 for this piece of shit? If I fed my CAT the Modge Podge and had her vomit on a plank of wood* it’d land in a smoother pile than this lumpy shit mess.
*(She pukes up about 99% of what she eats, so there’s very little risk of poisoning my dear sweet evil Chiana cat.)
#24 tinkerjam I’m guessing from all the thumbs downs on a lot of the comments in this thread are that most Regretsians think all forms of spanking (hands, use of objects, whatever) IS abuse.
you really want home decor that will add a touch of whimsy and keep the kids in line? here’s a fun idea: hang random pictures of children around the house and when the kids ask about them say something to the effect of “oh that was your older sister Gracie. She made too much noise, so we left her in the mountains”.
I was always hit with reforged spoon with Salonian Neo-Quenya runes in it that said Anar Nányë Andúril i né Narsil i macil Elendilo. Lercuvanten i móli Mordórëo. Isil”,
These things are decorated like candy canes and the font is from a carnival.. There ought to be a “levels of reward” version where the spoon size shows how much ice cream you get when you’re good.
I’d love to leave a snarky comment worthy of you all, but I am so flabbergasted by the unrelieved ugliness of this piece that I can only gape at it slackjawed.
Oh good. Yet another family that needs to start saving now for their childrens’ therapy.
This would make a great gift for my mother. She really enjoyed hitting us with kitchen utensils. Now she wonders why neither of her children speak to her anymore.
This item brings to mind the spoon my mother used to use on me and my siblings when we were kids. It was a big, round wooden spoon, with holes in it to make it aerodynamic. Less wind resistance, don’tcha know. She hit me so hard one time, the spoon broke in half–lengthwise–so there was still enough of the spoon left to continue hitting me. Ah, memories :-/
Agreed on the cross-stitch. Also think this will hang in a country blue kitchen/great room with paneling, possibly in a single-wide. With a farm animal or Noah’s Ark theme to the decor. I don’t know if that’s my imagination or suppressed memories from Discipline Level III.
Once read a great quote from a therapist who works with battered children: “If children were born large and grew smaller through life, it would be an entirely different set of people who get the beatings.”
Oh man, I think I just had a flashback.
My mom used wooden spoons on me and my brother. We wound up hiding them when we could… They moved after I left home. I’d bet that house still has a dozen or so of the d!@n things stashed up in the 70s style drop panel ceilings.
Why do I have the feeling that we will be seeing this picture frame in the background of a news report that beings: “He was such a good boy. We tried to instill discipline. I don’t know where he got the gun… Oh, god…..”
My mom’s weapon of choice was a Dr. Scholl’s wooden shoe. That fucker hurt. I’m really not sure what lesson I learned other than “Beware of Moody Women in Dr Scholl’s”.
My own kid got spanked maybe twice in her life, because it just made her self-righteous and even more stubborn (ever have a two-year-old give you the “If you have to resort to violence, Mother, you’ve lost the argument” look?).
I’m envisioning some kind of photoshop mastery that involves Level 2 Cat hanging off of the plaque(?) in different sizes or some other kind of awesomeness that I dare not dream of, yet still involves the cat.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Ahhh, the famed last words of parent’s whose first choice is this type of discipline,”It’s going to hurt me worse than it hurts you” and “I’ll give you something to cry about”. Uttered immediately before my father used his grill spatula on my bottom while telling me to grab my ankles. To this day I still don’t have the heart to spank my kids. And frankly my daughters are well behaved where it counts most, in school and around other members of society, they are children at home which is all they are supposed to be for now.
I must say to some comments I never hit my kids and they have manners and were very well behaved children and good adults. I was never hit and I have manners and know how to act in public and all kinds of other good things. And I was an only child and I’m not spoiled or selfcentered (which seems to be the stereotype). I am so sorry so many of your were hit with spoons and paddles and flyswatters as children.
#61 – Hey, thanks for that heartfelt apology. However, your high-n-mightiness is rubbing me the wrong way. Get over here, bend over and grab your ankles.
You know, between this item and all the comments, I am eternally grateful I never had children. I just know I would have been one of those mothers who erred to one extreme or the other and whose kids would end up in serious therapy for years. Of course, last I heard, my ex-husband is still in jail, so yeah, that’s another good reason I never had kids.
I think alot of you people that oppose spanking are the ones without kids. Those that don’t spank or properly discipline their kids are the ones whose kids don’t get invited to other kids’ birthday parties because they are BRATS!!!!! Long live old fashioned discipline!!!
@Dear Tuffy: I’ll bet your parents were polite and well-mannered in front of you, and you were in front of your kids.Modeling the behavior you want to see is the simplest way to get it. We all laugh at “Do as I say,not as I do.”
I was spanked twice as a child. I remember the spankings and how angry they made me, but not what I did to “deserve” them. I also remember that even in my small child-like mind they constituted assault, so I fought back. Hard. I grew up perfectly nonviolent, but if my mom had continued the spankings it would have been a different manner.
I ended up being assaulted twice as a teenager and young adult, and it was an instant flashback to that rage. A young, untrained girl kicked grown men’s asses. Violence does indeed beget violence – use it on me and I will use it on you.
If I was gonna hang something on the wall for my mother-in-law to see you can bet it would have a huge dildo, a butt plug, and some feathery handcuffs. At the very least.
Thumbs down me all you want but if you have to smack your children to get them to behave, you’re a lazy parent, pure and simple. You wouldn’t want anyone else to hit your child so why should you?
Now this big coward is making and selling ass paddles because hitting with a spoon or a hand isn’t enough? I hope her kids get the chance to put her in a bedbug-infested nursing home.
Thank you for your empathy. I know they were supposed to teach me something, but the “lickins,” as she called them, only made me feel bad about myself. My poor self-esteem issues continue to this day
January 19, 2011 at 3:38 pm
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January 19, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I’d like to place a photo of my husband in the frame when he is being naughty, naughty boy.
That would make a nice conversation piece.
January 19, 2011 at 3:38 pm
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January 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm
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January 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm
What I don’t get is why they hit the baby with the second biggest spoon.
January 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm
It’s more of a conversation piece but, go ahead! Beat the hell out of your children!
January 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm
I am thankful my mom was never privy to this… the unembellished wooden spoon was bad enough.
January 19, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Huh. A loving tribute to Debi and Michael Pearl.
January 19, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Things missing from this item:
1. Photo of the leather-clad spoon-wielding dominatrix.
2. The price for each level of discipline.
3. The hook to hang the ball gag when not in use.
January 19, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Plastic spoons??? Pffff anyone worth their salt uses wooden spoons.
January 19, 2011 at 3:54 pm
My parent’s hands were sufficient. They never went in for the fancy tools.
January 19, 2011 at 4:02 pm
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January 19, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Can I have my spoons painted the color of fail?
January 19, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Huh. My mom liked the wooden ones…until she found the fly swatters. They could do the trick and not break as easy….
January 19, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Smile! Or it’s threat level 2!
January 19, 2011 at 4:05 pm
File this under Artistic Child Abuse.
January 19, 2011 at 4:15 pm
But…the striking surfaces of all three spoons are roughly the same size. The main difference is the lengths of the handles…so it’s more like different levels of laziness than different levels of discipline.
“Get over here so momma can spank you! I said get over here! Get – aw fuck it.” [picks up longest-handled spoon and clobbers child from the next room]
January 19, 2011 at 4:16 pm
My mother did keep old wooden spoons around for hitting our asses when we had it coming (and hairbrushes, belts, wooden paddles…y’know a lil something in every room and a forest of switches outdoors). But she didn’t love us enough TO PUT OUR FUCKING PICTURES ON THEM
January 19, 2011 at 4:16 pm
If it were me I’d replace the spoons with a slipper, a hairbrush, and a board with a nail in it.
January 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm
I feel like kids who have this in their home will grow up with an acute fear of crafters. Etsyphobia being the medical term.
January 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm
My Grandma (not really my Grandma but my babysitter my whole childhood) had a wooden paddle that used to have a rubber ball and band with it to which we might get a swat here and there. Always made me wonder if the idea stemmed from some other kid who didn’t listen to her when she said, “stop hitting that paddle ball against the wall!”
She also had an old tube sock with a safety pin that would promptly get pinned to your ass if you tattled.
I wore bread bags over my socks inside my winter boots.
And they wonder why they had to put tube socks over my hands and pin them to my sleeves so I wouldn’t suck my thumbs as I napped all balled up in the fetal position.
I survived. I don’t need a therapist. I don’t wear bread bags any more. I don’t like unmatched socks out of the dryer. I have a paddle without a ball.
January 19, 2011 at 4:41 pm
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January 19, 2011 at 4:46 pm
ah, yes let’s glorify good ol’ fashion dicipline! it’ll look so charming on that blank wall space between the iron madien and the rack, which are there purely for decor of course and not for forcing heretics to confess at all…
January 19, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I should publicly flounce now that my comments were hidden because of a low rating…
but fuck it. I like you people too much. You make me laugh.
January 19, 2011 at 4:56 pm
#23 I read “purely for *doctor* of course”. I think that says something about my childhood.
January 19, 2011 at 4:58 pm
$45 for this piece of shit? If I fed my CAT the Modge Podge and had her vomit on a plank of wood* it’d land in a smoother pile than this lumpy shit mess.
*(She pukes up about 99% of what she eats, so there’s very little risk of poisoning my dear sweet evil Chiana cat.)
January 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm
#24 tinkerjam I’m guessing from all the thumbs downs on a lot of the comments in this thread are that most Regretsians think all forms of spanking (hands, use of objects, whatever) IS abuse.
January 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm
you really want home decor that will add a touch of whimsy and keep the kids in line? here’s a fun idea: hang random pictures of children around the house and when the kids ask about them say something to the effect of “oh that was your older sister Gracie. She made too much noise, so we left her in the mountains”.
It worked like a charm in Ancient Rome
January 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Classy! I’m sure it’s a wonderful conversation piece for when CPS comes to visit. lol
January 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm
I was always hit with reforged spoon with Salonian Neo-Quenya runes in it that said Anar Nányë Andúril i né Narsil i macil Elendilo. Lercuvanten i móli Mordórëo. Isil”,
January 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm
I’d like one of these, but with a belt, a whip, and a cat o’nine tails. I’d hang it up when my mother-in-law comes to visit.
January 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm
These things are decorated like candy canes and the font is from a carnival.. There ought to be a “levels of reward” version where the spoon size shows how much ice cream you get when you’re good.
January 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I’d love to leave a snarky comment worthy of you all, but I am so flabbergasted by the unrelieved ugliness of this piece that I can only gape at it slackjawed.
January 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Who wants to have a conversation piece promoting child abuse? What kind of conversation are you hoping for with this thing?
January 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Oh good. Yet another family that needs to start saving now for their childrens’ therapy.
This would make a great gift for my mother. She really enjoyed hitting us with kitchen utensils. Now she wonders why neither of her children speak to her anymore.
January 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm
This item brings to mind the spoon my mother used to use on me and my siblings when we were kids. It was a big, round wooden spoon, with holes in it to make it aerodynamic. Less wind resistance, don’tcha know. She hit me so hard one time, the spoon broke in half–lengthwise–so there was still enough of the spoon left to continue hitting me. Ah, memories :-/
January 19, 2011 at 6:24 pm
What’s with it being so shiny? Is that so the blood and skin is easier to wash off?
January 19, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Oh gawd…I just happen to be reading Alice Miller right now. Specifically, “For Your Own Good.” Sometimes synchronicity kinda sucks.
January 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm
And don’t forget to say “thank you” kids – you don’t want mom to bring out the non-novelty spanking devices.
January 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm
WWJD?
(What would Joan do?)
http://flic.kr/p/9bCWzt
January 19, 2011 at 7:14 pm
“This is going to hurt me much more than it hurts you.” Says the accompanying, cross-stitched, wall hanging.
January 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm
@ #40
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
January 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm
@ #41 And let’s not forget the cross-stitched wall hanging on the other side of it that says, “Oh, I’ll give you something to cry about!!”
January 19, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Agreed on the cross-stitch. Also think this will hang in a country blue kitchen/great room with paneling, possibly in a single-wide. With a farm animal or Noah’s Ark theme to the decor. I don’t know if that’s my imagination or suppressed memories from Discipline Level III.
January 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm
#41-Thankfully, my mother was never enough of a hypocrite to say that.
Course, she never spanked her kids with wooden spoons either. Smack on the behind with the hand was good enough for her.
January 19, 2011 at 9:00 pm
That’s just coddling the pure laziness in those children. Even the baby is big enough to go out back and cut a proper switch for the job.
January 19, 2011 at 9:41 pm
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January 19, 2011 at 9:53 pm
“Levels of Discipline” sounds like a wacky S&M board game like Monopoly. Instead of Park Place, you get a nipple clamp. Fun for the whole family!
January 19, 2011 at 10:23 pm
it’s pretty funny but it’s true only as a novelty. it’s only fair for the kid to be able to pick his switch.
January 19, 2011 at 10:56 pm
This is the kind of shit my mom would buy. She’d think it was hilarious. Ironically enough, she never spanked us growing up.
January 19, 2011 at 11:30 pm
Once read a great quote from a therapist who works with battered children: “If children were born large and grew smaller through life, it would be an entirely different set of people who get the beatings.”
January 20, 2011 at 12:30 am
This is actually very disturbing and disgusting. “_Good_ old-fashioned discipline”?? Makes me sick.
January 20, 2011 at 1:06 am
my mother just used her hands…
January 20, 2011 at 1:21 am
Oh man, I think I just had a flashback.
My mom used wooden spoons on me and my brother. We wound up hiding them when we could… They moved after I left home. I’d bet that house still has a dozen or so of the d!@n things stashed up in the 70s style drop panel ceilings.
January 20, 2011 at 2:53 am
My mum had the best tools for when I was being naughty : an icy stare.
Try sticking *that* on the wall!
January 20, 2011 at 3:39 am
#53 OK, try a creepy painting with the eyes that follow you around the room.
My mom could do wonders with a raised eyebrow
January 20, 2011 at 4:32 am
#54 I have one, and it still doesn’t freak me out as much as my mum did when I was little XD
January 20, 2011 at 6:04 am
Why do I have the feeling that we will be seeing this picture frame in the background of a news report that beings: “He was such a good boy. We tried to instill discipline. I don’t know where he got the gun… Oh, god…..”
January 20, 2011 at 6:38 am
My mom’s weapon of choice was a Dr. Scholl’s wooden shoe. That fucker hurt. I’m really not sure what lesson I learned other than “Beware of Moody Women in Dr Scholl’s”.
My own kid got spanked maybe twice in her life, because it just made her self-righteous and even more stubborn (ever have a two-year-old give you the “If you have to resort to violence, Mother, you’ve lost the argument” look?).
January 20, 2011 at 8:13 am
I’m envisioning some kind of photoshop mastery that involves Level 2 Cat hanging off of the plaque(?) in different sizes or some other kind of awesomeness that I dare not dream of, yet still involves the cat.
Talk amongst yourselves.
January 20, 2011 at 8:48 am
I want to make a “Little Forkers” joke, but I’m so late to the party.
January 20, 2011 at 9:06 am
Ahhh, the famed last words of parent’s whose first choice is this type of discipline,”It’s going to hurt me worse than it hurts you” and “I’ll give you something to cry about”. Uttered immediately before my father used his grill spatula on my bottom while telling me to grab my ankles. To this day I still don’t have the heart to spank my kids. And frankly my daughters are well behaved where it counts most, in school and around other members of society, they are children at home which is all they are supposed to be for now.
January 20, 2011 at 9:48 am
I must say to some comments I never hit my kids and they have manners and were very well behaved children and good adults. I was never hit and I have manners and know how to act in public and all kinds of other good things. And I was an only child and I’m not spoiled or selfcentered (which seems to be the stereotype). I am so sorry so many of your were hit with spoons and paddles and flyswatters as children.
January 20, 2011 at 10:05 am
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January 20, 2011 at 10:37 am
You know, between this item and all the comments, I am eternally grateful I never had children. I just know I would have been one of those mothers who erred to one extreme or the other and whose kids would end up in serious therapy for years. Of course, last I heard, my ex-husband is still in jail, so yeah, that’s another good reason I never had kids.
January 20, 2011 at 11:05 am
I got this as a gift pack with the Daddle!
January 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm
#40 “razberries – why must everything be a contest! I’m bigger and stronger and will ALWAYS BEAT YOU!”
January 20, 2011 at 12:45 pm
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January 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm
PTSD – Put That Spoon Down.
January 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
@Dear Tuffy: I’ll bet your parents were polite and well-mannered in front of you, and you were in front of your kids.Modeling the behavior you want to see is the simplest way to get it. We all laugh at “Do as I say,not as I do.”
January 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I was spanked twice as a child. I remember the spankings and how angry they made me, but not what I did to “deserve” them. I also remember that even in my small child-like mind they constituted assault, so I fought back. Hard. I grew up perfectly nonviolent, but if my mom had continued the spankings it would have been a different manner.
I ended up being assaulted twice as a teenager and young adult, and it was an instant flashback to that rage. A young, untrained girl kicked grown men’s asses. Violence does indeed beget violence – use it on me and I will use it on you.
January 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm
If I was gonna hang something on the wall for my mother-in-law to see you can bet it would have a huge dildo, a butt plug, and some feathery handcuffs. At the very least.
January 20, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Forget those wooden spoons. I’m going to smack my kids with something -fancy-.
January 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Thumbs down me all you want but if you have to smack your children to get them to behave, you’re a lazy parent, pure and simple. You wouldn’t want anyone else to hit your child so why should you?
January 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm
But wait, there’s more:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/66376863/the-motivator-spanking-paddle-handmade?ref=v1_other_1
January 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm
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January 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Is it just me, or would this be an *awesome* name for a band? I can see the velvet leggings & teased hair now!
January 21, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Do you know how many thick plastic clothes hangers my parents could have bought for $45. And they would break those hangers!
January 21, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Now this big coward is making and selling ass paddles because hitting with a spoon or a hand isn’t enough? I hope her kids get the chance to put her in a bedbug-infested nursing home.
January 22, 2011 at 9:40 pm
LOL!!
January 24, 2011 at 10:40 am
I just know there’s a Pat Conroy joke here somewhere…
January 27, 2011 at 6:14 pm
@ #63 Dear Tuffy:
<>
Thank you for your empathy. I know they were supposed to teach me something, but the “lickins,” as she called them, only made me feel bad about myself. My poor self-esteem issues continue to this day