I think that if you’re white trash enough to have this, you don’t actually *need* the bottle tree to make that statement for you. People already know. Oh, they know!
Wow. Well this takes me back to my roommate days when my roommate would open his bedroom door every now and then and deposit a shitload of empties before returning to his room and the internet. Don’t mind me, gettin’ all misty-eyed.
I have a fun statement to make: HEY CRAPTARD, how would you like a gazing globe shoved up your culture-hijacking ass?
do these people even know what bottle trees ARE? They’re supposed to involve actual trees for starters, and they don’t have to be beautiful but they sure as fuck have to have a connection to tradition. Traceable back to Africa. They protect from bad spirits. Looks like the mojo is weakening.
I went looking for a decent link to show what’s actually possible, and the fuckheads have clogged the search results with shit. anyway, here’s a decent pic from flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/attercat/522313254/
I swear to god people in West Georgia have these…not for any tradition, but because the bottles from the Mad Dog 20/20 are cheaper than a gazing globe.
The perfect place to hang your coat after you vomit on it! And it’s in your yard, so you don’t even have to bring it inside! This is what I’ve been waiting for.
Get a big tree branch, stuff it in the ground, put the bottles on that and save yourself the cash it will take to tell everyone that drives by what bad taste you have, in wine and in decor!
I immediately thought of our neighbors, who actually visit local wineries and have all sorts of good wine and, who, like us, wouldn’t be caught dead with this in the yard, and laughed my a** off. I may have to send them the link.
The African tree, on the other hand, is actually cool looking. Probably because there was an actual esthetic & spiritual sense guiding them, not just sticking random bottles on.
I wonder if tree tolerates a zone 4 climate. I had a whiskey-bottle bush. It was growing like a weed, but then we had a cold snap and I lost the bush and my liver.
“We found these here fancy Eye-Talian bubble water bottles out the neighbor’s trash other day. Thought they looked purdey so we welded this here rebarb together….”
I saw something similar to this on the campus where my brother was going to college when I was younger. He told me it was the result of a weekend bender. Now I realize those drunken frat kids from the early 70s were innovators before their time!
rumi monger nailed it: The bottle tree has its roots in Africa. Slaves in the new country often made bottle trees to trap the evil spirits. There is a replica of a bottle tree at Brookgreen Gardens in Murrell’s Inlet, South Carolina. Dudes, don’t rip off the culture if you don’t give a flying rat’s ass what it means.
One of the greatest parts about this is she doesn’t deliver, so you get to go to Noblesville, IN to pick it up! I’m gonna have to consult my GPS to see if I should drive to pick up this before or after the caterpillar bowling ball lawn ornament.
If I have something to say in my yard, I do it the old fashioned way: by standing there in my housecoat and yesterday’s makeup, screaming it to no one in particular.
It makes me so sad that I could totally see any of my neighbors not only buying this, but bragging about how it really “classes up the place.” Ah, the joys of rural living…
i’m waiting for the follow-up pieces… the ‘floral’ border made of wine box innards, and the summerhouse built entirely from cigarette packets.
more to the point, if they can charge $35 for this, that was some cheap ass wine!!
this has got to be one of the crappiest bottle trees EVAR. my neighbor has one that i’ve admired for years. and at least he knows what their initial purpose was. . . sheesh. way to make hoosiers look like idiots.
Every year I participate in the garden show with the local botanical gardens. There are a couple of vendors with these steel and bottle monstrosities. I don’t get what their good for except slingshot practice.
A note regarding the new partner sites at the top of Regretsy’s page: While “Late Night Mistakes” may be safe, don’t go any further! I clicked on one of their ads for a site, “WTF Tattoos”, and my Windows Media player opened on its own and my anti-virus software reported that it was blocking malicious attacks. Then my Firefox browser locked up and I had to shut it down using Windows Task manager.
Yeah, not very pertinent to this site, but you never know what you get by visiting their partner sites.
Thanks for telling me about this. They are not partner sites, we’re just friends, linking to each other as a sort of experiment. I’m monitoring the feedback I’m getting to see if this is a good or bad idea for me, so your input is helpful. I’ll look into this right away. – HK
I like how they couldn’t be bothered to continue the pattern of two green bottles and two blue bottles at the very top. Which looked kind of stupid anyway, it was too even and too symmetrical. Didn’t anyone tell them that odd amounts of things look better in design?
I like the way the white plastic cork-protector things are left on the bottlenecks. ‘Nice touch. I’m sure there is a meaningful tradition behind that, too.
You know…I do live a half hour away from this seller and have a bunch of hard-earned cash burning a hole in my pocket. Plus I have been meaning to add a few touches to my property to warm up to the neighbors…
Aw, eff it, I think I’ll just keep my money and construct a topiary out of upcycled PBR cans.
I think it says a lot about my neighborhood that just one block down from me, some goober has meticulously tied beer cans onto a dying bush with red ribbons.
It’s there year-round. I guess it’s a sign that Christmas Cheer iknows no season.
In looking at the landscape in the background, I thought that perhaps this seller was a fellow Wisconsinite because it looks like pretty much any place in rural Wisconsin. But then I remembered that a true Cheesehead only drinks beer, thus the lawn ornament for sale would be made from beer bottles (with the labels still on, preferably of Miller Lite or Bud Lite. Better yet, Hamm’s). Wine’s for dem dere snooty people, doncha know. Except the kind that comes in a box, of course.
January 13, 2011 at 4:35 pm
“Look at me. I’m klassy!”
January 13, 2011 at 4:37 pm
O bottle tree o bottle tree
thy bottle are unchanging.
January 13, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Do you think my AA sponsor/parole officer/judge would understand when I say I needed the bottles to make a statement in my yard?
January 13, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I would say, this is right out of “you know you’re a red neck when…” but the bottles need to be replaced with bottles of JD for that to work.
January 13, 2011 at 4:49 pm
this would look awesome next to the old broken toilet/planter in my in-laws yard.
January 13, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I think that if you’re white trash enough to have this, you don’t actually *need* the bottle tree to make that statement for you. People already know. Oh, they know!
January 13, 2011 at 4:53 pm
“I like Blue Nun.”
January 13, 2011 at 4:53 pm
At least they didn’t drink wine-in-a-box.
January 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Wow. Well this takes me back to my roommate days when my roommate would open his bedroom door every now and then and deposit a shitload of empties before returning to his room and the internet. Don’t mind me, gettin’ all misty-eyed.
January 13, 2011 at 4:59 pm
It is fun, until they come for the kids.
January 13, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I have a fun statement to make: HEY CRAPTARD, how would you like a gazing globe shoved up your culture-hijacking ass?
do these people even know what bottle trees ARE? They’re supposed to involve actual trees for starters, and they don’t have to be beautiful but they sure as fuck have to have a connection to tradition. Traceable back to Africa. They protect from bad spirits. Looks like the mojo is weakening.
I went looking for a decent link to show what’s actually possible, and the fuckheads have clogged the search results with shit. anyway, here’s a decent pic from flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/attercat/522313254/
January 13, 2011 at 5:04 pm
This particular model says “Back away slowly.”
January 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I swear to god people in West Georgia have these…not for any tradition, but because the bottles from the Mad Dog 20/20 are cheaper than a gazing globe.
January 13, 2011 at 5:06 pm
empty wine bottles stuck on a hose. That’s the kind of statement I DON’T want in my front yard, or back yard for that matter!
January 13, 2011 at 5:11 pm
You call that a yard? This must be why they need the bottle tree because the neighbors are complaining they’re making the neighborhood look too nice.
January 13, 2011 at 5:14 pm
It would be fun to use for target practice.
January 13, 2011 at 5:15 pm
The perfect place to hang your coat after you vomit on it! And it’s in your yard, so you don’t even have to bring it inside! This is what I’ve been waiting for.
January 13, 2011 at 5:20 pm
…”litter not included”
January 13, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Get a big tree branch, stuff it in the ground, put the bottles on that and save yourself the cash it will take to tell everyone that drives by what bad taste you have, in wine and in decor!
January 13, 2011 at 5:39 pm
Did they even bother to clean the bottles?
January 13, 2011 at 5:50 pm
“..a fun way to make a statement..”
Yes, if that statement is “I’M WHITETRASH AND A DRUNK!!” … actually I don’t think those two are mutually exclusive.
January 13, 2011 at 5:51 pm
I immediately thought of our neighbors, who actually visit local wineries and have all sorts of good wine and, who, like us, wouldn’t be caught dead with this in the yard, and laughed my a** off. I may have to send them the link.
The African tree, on the other hand, is actually cool looking. Probably because there was an actual esthetic & spiritual sense guiding them, not just sticking random bottles on.
January 13, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I wonder if tree tolerates a zone 4 climate. I had a whiskey-bottle bush. It was growing like a weed, but then we had a cold snap and I lost the bush and my liver.
January 13, 2011 at 6:14 pm
“We found these here fancy Eye-Talian bubble water bottles out the neighbor’s trash other day. Thought they looked purdey so we welded this here rebarb together….”
January 13, 2011 at 6:28 pm
so this means i could smuggle empty wine bottles and coat hangers home form the recycling plant and make money !
January 13, 2011 at 6:29 pm
I saw something similar to this on the campus where my brother was going to college when I was younger. He told me it was the result of a weekend bender. Now I realize those drunken frat kids from the early 70s were innovators before their time!
January 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm
rumi monger nailed it: The bottle tree has its roots in Africa. Slaves in the new country often made bottle trees to trap the evil spirits. There is a replica of a bottle tree at Brookgreen Gardens in Murrell’s Inlet, South Carolina. Dudes, don’t rip off the culture if you don’t give a flying rat’s ass what it means.
January 13, 2011 at 6:39 pm
for the last feckin time what’s the point of buying an EMPTY bottle?
January 13, 2011 at 6:44 pm
I have a bottle tree. But mine actially has BRANCHES.
And I only use Skyy vodka bottles, because this is a classy type neighborhood.
January 13, 2011 at 6:47 pm
The only ‘fun way to make a statement’ like this is if I emptied all the bottles myself. A case of $2 Chuck and a shower curtain rod oughta do it.
January 13, 2011 at 7:14 pm
this is Hobo sign meaning “they already drank all the booze”
January 13, 2011 at 8:16 pm
The perfect thing to get for the person who has everything and likes to shoot at the census man.
January 13, 2011 at 8:31 pm
One of the greatest parts about this is she doesn’t deliver, so you get to go to Noblesville, IN to pick it up! I’m gonna have to consult my GPS to see if I should drive to pick up this before or after the caterpillar bowling ball lawn ornament.
January 13, 2011 at 9:37 pm
If I have something to say in my yard, I do it the old fashioned way: by standing there in my housecoat and yesterday’s makeup, screaming it to no one in particular.
January 13, 2011 at 10:31 pm
It makes me so sad that I could totally see any of my neighbors not only buying this, but bragging about how it really “classes up the place.” Ah, the joys of rural living…
January 14, 2011 at 2:07 am
And to think…all this time I’ve been recycling my empty wine bottles. I didn’t know it was okay just to stick them in my yard.
January 14, 2011 at 3:01 am
i’m waiting for the follow-up pieces… the ‘floral’ border made of wine box innards, and the summerhouse built entirely from cigarette packets.
more to the point, if they can charge $35 for this, that was some cheap ass wine!!
January 14, 2011 at 4:30 am
What statement would this be then? “I’m an alcoholic with no life” or “come join the party, bring your own.”?
January 14, 2011 at 4:54 am
You’ll all be sorry when all the real trees have died in the global apocolypse and you don’t have anything for your mutant cyberdogs to pee against.
January 14, 2011 at 5:56 am
This is the kind of thing that makes the guys from “American Pickers” stop at your house.
January 14, 2011 at 6:36 am
I wonder how you would explain this when your parole officer and sponsor show up on your door at the same time.
January 14, 2011 at 6:38 am
door -> doorstep
meh.. too early/no coffee.
Oooh! That could go on a shirt!
January 14, 2011 at 7:03 am
this has got to be one of the crappiest bottle trees EVAR. my neighbor has one that i’ve admired for years. and at least he knows what their initial purpose was. . . sheesh. way to make hoosiers look like idiots.
January 14, 2011 at 9:10 am
Every year I participate in the garden show with the local botanical gardens. There are a couple of vendors with these steel and bottle monstrosities. I don’t get what their good for except slingshot practice.
January 14, 2011 at 9:17 am
A note regarding the new partner sites at the top of Regretsy’s page: While “Late Night Mistakes” may be safe, don’t go any further! I clicked on one of their ads for a site, “WTF Tattoos”, and my Windows Media player opened on its own and my anti-virus software reported that it was blocking malicious attacks. Then my Firefox browser locked up and I had to shut it down using Windows Task manager.
Yeah, not very pertinent to this site, but you never know what you get by visiting their partner sites.
Thanks for telling me about this. They are not partner sites, we’re just friends, linking to each other as a sort of experiment. I’m monitoring the feedback I’m getting to see if this is a good or bad idea for me, so your input is helpful. I’ll look into this right away. – HK
January 14, 2011 at 9:26 am
They should just sell this as a kit. A crate of wine and a wire frame. Maybe a brochure on AA.
January 14, 2011 at 9:56 am
The seller says, “what a beautiful way to recycle.” It ain’t.
January 14, 2011 at 10:16 am
Someone must have watched this a little too much:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do-wDPoC6GM
(the bit to which I’m referring is in the last 2 minutes or so – but the entire thing is hilarious)
January 14, 2011 at 10:18 am
whoops… the previous post was meant for the sonic screwdriver alchemy request.
January 14, 2011 at 10:35 am
The saddest thing is that I grew up in Noblesville, IN and I know for a fact that this fits in with the decor.
January 14, 2011 at 11:27 am
I like how they couldn’t be bothered to continue the pattern of two green bottles and two blue bottles at the very top. Which looked kind of stupid anyway, it was too even and too symmetrical. Didn’t anyone tell them that odd amounts of things look better in design?
January 14, 2011 at 11:48 am
The surprising thing is that neither of my parents yard’s have one of these – yet. Mostly they just let the recycle bin tell the story.
January 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I swear, when I first saw the thumbnail on FB I thought it was an adult toy tree. Maybe to let one’s toys “air out” or dry after cleaning.
January 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I like the way the white plastic cork-protector things are left on the bottlenecks. ‘Nice touch. I’m sure there is a meaningful tradition behind that, too.
January 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm
This pic also needs the “Sorry, We’re Drunk” sign photoshopped onto it, hanging from a branch.
January 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm
This is very sad… But it would do for the postapocalyptic garden centre! As always the genius of tomorrow could never be appreciated today…
January 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm
You know…I do live a half hour away from this seller and have a bunch of hard-earned cash burning a hole in my pocket. Plus I have been meaning to add a few touches to my property to warm up to the neighbors…
Aw, eff it, I think I’ll just keep my money and construct a topiary out of upcycled PBR cans.
January 14, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I think it says a lot about my neighborhood that just one block down from me, some goober has meticulously tied beer cans onto a dying bush with red ribbons.
It’s there year-round. I guess it’s a sign that Christmas Cheer iknows no season.
January 15, 2011 at 7:29 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/57791109/daddy-and-me-hats-wfree-shipping?ref=v1_other_1
Look at the nifty hats she knits; obviously after emptying a bottle for the Bottle Tree.
January 15, 2011 at 8:32 am
Jeez, if you’re gonna do it, you lazy-ass bottle sculptors, do it right. Fire up yer blow-torch and go to town
http://www.readymade.com/projects/broken_bottle_lamp
January 15, 2011 at 2:11 pm
In looking at the landscape in the background, I thought that perhaps this seller was a fellow Wisconsinite because it looks like pretty much any place in rural Wisconsin. But then I remembered that a true Cheesehead only drinks beer, thus the lawn ornament for sale would be made from beer bottles (with the labels still on, preferably of Miller Lite or Bud Lite. Better yet, Hamm’s). Wine’s for dem dere snooty people, doncha know. Except the kind that comes in a box, of course.
January 19, 2011 at 10:25 am
It reminds me of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree
February 5, 2011 at 9:05 am
@61 Probably the Christmas tree that Charlie Brown would go on to make in adulthood.