Knowing Regretsy, the first image that came to my mind was something best not spoken of in polite company. Then I thought to myself, “Sheep, really! They meant an image of the poor fellow being attacked by wolves, and then beating them with a stick or some other threatening implement”.
I am sorry to see that my baser instincts turned out to be correct.
Haha, they meant fighting off wolves, but the way they wrote it makes it look like he’s masturbating them! Hahahaha… wait, that really IS what they meant? Oh.
Yeah, your significant other will have a howlin’ good time…
I don’t know, I mean, it’s always hard enough to accept that there’s ONE person who could think of crap like this. But to know that there’s another person that will enjoy this as a present? And one that’s willing to work hours and hours on a painting like that??
Don’t they realize there’s such a thing as free internet porn?!
Because a drawing or painting of Jack London beating off wolves would not be unique enough – I mean, everyone I know has got a pencil drawing of that. Perhaps a cross stitch. Yes, a cross stitch!
OBVIOUSLY it would need to be cross-stitched or painted in blood to distinguish it from the mass of Jack-London inspired beastiality porn already out there *yawn*
Is it horrible of me to be wanting to see that painting?? I mean, come on! When will you ever see Jack London stimulate 3 wolves again?? Not without some major time in La-La-Land…
Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
December 21, 2010 at 9:57 am
That’s slave labor prices for cross stitch even in the Pacific islands, where they get 25 cents to batik a sarong that sells for 40 bucks at a resort in California.
Even if they were asking for a cross-stitch of a polar bear eating vanilla ice cream in a blizzard.
I would pay good money for a cross-stitch of 3 polar bears eating Jack London in a blizzard, however.
Once again I am insulted not by the subject matter, but by the fact that people just assume that crafters will sell themselves cheap. I doubt $18 would buy all the materials for this.
@31: What offends me about the low pricing is that this buyer expects me to not only spend a few weeks stitching this shit up, but I’m also supposed to come up with the concept, draw it, make the pattern, then have the joy of embroidering (what I find to be) an incredibly disturbing scene. It would be one thing if the buyer already had a particular image that they wanted made into a cross-stitch. And for the record, yes, I’d consider $18 a bit low given the amount of detail work they want. But FFS, for all the time and effort they want, I honestly wouldn’t even waste my time for less than $50-60.
Is it any wonder why so many zomg!totally original handcrafted items on Etsy turn out to be mass produced shit?
I agree drunkenathiest, I agree. Some people are astounded when they ask how much I charge for a knitted hat. ($40-$45) They then say, “but you knit anyway so why charge me that much?”
I wonder if she’d be interested in my series of plastic canvas needlework, “Explicit Bestiality of Early 20th Century American Authors”? I have some lovely coasters available, and the matching tissue box covers, too.
Do these people NEVER invite their grandmothers over for dinner? Or do they have those special walls where the doorbell trips a switch that lowers a Thomas Kinkaid painting over the obscene and eerily detailed custom artwork that they have on display.
I blame Wal-Mart for the cheap prices people offer on Alchemy. They confuse mass production in China with custom made in the USA.
You actually CAN get this item embroidered for $18. Unfortunately, that’s per unit in a batch of 500,000.
Here’s my guess on the prices if you don’t want 500,000:
$24 per unit for 250,000 units
$49 per unit for 50,000 units
$99 per unit for 10,000 units
$150 per unit for 1,000 units
$200 per unit for 200 units
$350 per unit for 1 unit
Suck it up, America. Crafters, and by that I mean quality crafters, need to feed their families if they’re going to spend more than 8-hours on your sick, perverted request.
Argh, people are such cheap bastards! $18 won’t even get you a bouquet of ribbonwork flowers. And wanting it specifically in cross-stitch means it has to be done in a painterly style, which is not something just anyone can do.
So, is that actually a photo of Jack London in his underpants? Where the hell did someone find a photo of Jack London in his underpants?!? I mean, given this person’s taste, I’m sure they were willing to put in the time searching for it, but why was it out there to be found in the first place?
This person has ruined two of my favorite books for me… I wonder if we can call PETA or the ASPCA on them for this. I’m also not sure whether I’m more disturbed by the request, or the fact that somebody took the commission.
I can’t stop shaking my head at how many people will ask for such a grandiose design or whatever, and expect that someone actually worth their salt in that medium will only charge them monopoly money for it. I mean, seriously. I can barely cross-stitch to save my life and even I would be offended at the price expectation!
When I first read the title of the request, I laughed so hard, because I assumed that the person meant that he wanted Jack London to be fighting off the wolves, not engaging in flagrante delicto. This is too awesome.
#37-Do you have anything involving H.P. Lovecraft and a Shoggoth? It would make a lovely surprise for my brother. And I’d be willing to go as high as $20.
The people who make these bizarre Alchemy requests can’t possibly be artists/crafters themselves. The cost of supplies aside, did it even cross her mind how much TIME it takes to finish a cross-stitch project? Or a painting, or even a drawing (or is that just me because I’m slow?) Sorry, but I’m not interested in investing that much time with your Victorian literature/bestiality fantasy. Especially if all I’m getting is $18.
Reminds me of someone on the Nashville Craigslist who wanted a green sweater with a dick knit in the middle done for the very next day for an “ugly Christmas sweater” party. Adult-sized.
I think this is more than just Wal-Mart. This is something far more sinister and uncorrectable. This is bringing stupidity and a lack of grip on reality to great and terrifying new lows.
THe main thing that BLOWS MY MIND is the PRICE! XD That would give you a stick figure of this thing! And realy, do people often find the “high” guality they are asking for in these kind of pornographick images? There are plenty of porn art (gay, hetero, lesbian, beastiality) around to find a good artist that is willing to the art they want. Then again, none of them do it for the prise of being ass raped for free…
December 21, 2010 at 9:38 am
Knowing Regretsy, the first image that came to my mind was something best not spoken of in polite company. Then I thought to myself, “Sheep, really! They meant an image of the poor fellow being attacked by wolves, and then beating them with a stick or some other threatening implement”.
I am sorry to see that my baser instincts turned out to be correct.
December 21, 2010 at 9:39 am
Haha, they meant fighting off wolves, but the way they wrote it makes it look like he’s masturbating them! Hahahaha… wait, that really IS what they meant? Oh.
December 21, 2010 at 9:39 am
Trying to ignore the disturbing factor, how the heck do they expect high quality for 18 dollars…
December 21, 2010 at 9:40 am
White Bang?
December 21, 2010 at 9:45 am
She’s preparing for her triumphant tribute sequal, “White Wang.” “Call of the Wild” was taken.
December 21, 2010 at 9:45 am
*sequel, even
December 21, 2010 at 9:46 am
A realistic cross stitch for $18?!?! Cheapskate.
December 21, 2010 at 9:46 am
…but in this case the dog is giving him the bone.
December 21, 2010 at 9:46 am
Eighteen stinking bucks?! OK, for that, you should be orally stimulating ME while I draw.
December 21, 2010 at 9:47 am
I must add that she’s dreaming if she thinks she can get a detailed, quality literary porn + bestiality for $18.
December 21, 2010 at 9:47 am
“Ball of the Wild”?
December 21, 2010 at 9:48 am
Yeah, your significant other will have a howlin’ good time…
I don’t know, I mean, it’s always hard enough to accept that there’s ONE person who could think of crap like this. But to know that there’s another person that will enjoy this as a present? And one that’s willing to work hours and hours on a painting like that??
Don’t they realize there’s such a thing as free internet porn?!
December 21, 2010 at 9:49 am
$18? So that’s $6 per incredibly realistically drawn or cross stitched stimulated wolf?
December 21, 2010 at 9:49 am
You couldn’t even get someone to Photoshop something decent for that price. Um, not that I’d know, of course…I’ve just heard it around, you know?
December 21, 2010 at 9:49 am
Because a drawing or painting of Jack London beating off wolves would not be unique enough – I mean, everyone I know has got a pencil drawing of that. Perhaps a cross stitch. Yes, a cross stitch!
December 21, 2010 at 9:51 am
The fact that someone saw this and thought “I can do this for 18 bucks” really makes me want to see what they come up with.
December 21, 2010 at 9:52 am
I think my cross-stitch design software just crashed … and I was already halfway done with the design, too. Drat.
December 21, 2010 at 9:52 am
Makes the “three wolf shirt” look downright tasteful by comparison.
Or tasty. Whatevs.
December 21, 2010 at 9:53 am
OBVIOUSLY it would need to be cross-stitched or painted in blood to distinguish it from the mass of Jack-London inspired beastiality porn already out there *yawn*
December 21, 2010 at 9:54 am
Is it horrible of me to be wanting to see that painting?? I mean, come on! When will you ever see Jack London stimulate 3 wolves again?? Not without some major time in La-La-Land…
December 21, 2010 at 9:54 am
The requester would likely have much better luck finding a willing and eager artist over at FurAffinity (http://www.furaffinity.net)
December 21, 2010 at 9:57 am
That’s slave labor prices for cross stitch even in the Pacific islands, where they get 25 cents to batik a sarong that sells for 40 bucks at a resort in California.
Even if they were asking for a cross-stitch of a polar bear eating vanilla ice cream in a blizzard.
I would pay good money for a cross-stitch of 3 polar bears eating Jack London in a blizzard, however.
December 21, 2010 at 9:58 am
I call Goatzee… btw i can’t find the post in Etsy, must have taken it down?
Nope, still there. – HK
December 21, 2010 at 9:59 am
Wasn’t this covered in “Twilight: New Moon”?
December 21, 2010 at 10:01 am
Oh holy hell, at least the mental imagery will keep me in stitches during the entire holiday season…
December 21, 2010 at 10:04 am
(Australian voice over) Well, mates, it seems Flouncus Domesticus isn’t as rare a species as we’d previously thought!
December 21, 2010 at 10:05 am
It makes me so happy to see that someone bid on this.
December 21, 2010 at 10:09 am
She’d be interested in MY creative feedback? Oh, no, lady, please, YOU have us all topped.
December 21, 2010 at 10:10 am
Dear Twilight,
I BLAME YOU.
Traumatized,
Me
December 21, 2010 at 10:12 am
Dude, I think this is the best you’re going to get for $18:
Just sayin.
December 21, 2010 at 10:13 am
Whoops. This:
http://drunkenatheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/CropperCapture40.jpg
December 21, 2010 at 10:13 am
Once again I am insulted not by the subject matter, but by the fact that people just assume that crafters will sell themselves cheap. I doubt $18 would buy all the materials for this.
(Sorry, I’m feeling a bit grumpy this morning.)
December 21, 2010 at 10:19 am
@31: What offends me about the low pricing is that this buyer expects me to not only spend a few weeks stitching this shit up, but I’m also supposed to come up with the concept, draw it, make the pattern, then have the joy of embroidering (what I find to be) an incredibly disturbing scene. It would be one thing if the buyer already had a particular image that they wanted made into a cross-stitch. And for the record, yes, I’d consider $18 a bit low given the amount of detail work they want. But FFS, for all the time and effort they want, I honestly wouldn’t even waste my time for less than $50-60.
Is it any wonder why so many zomg!totally original handcrafted items on Etsy turn out to be mass produced shit?
December 21, 2010 at 10:38 am
Don’t you think this might be a little regretsy bait? (In a Stewie voice) Hmmm, just a little, maybe? Just a wee bit? A tiny little bit regretsy bait?
December 21, 2010 at 10:41 am
I agree drunkenathiest, I agree. Some people are astounded when they ask how much I charge for a knitted hat. ($40-$45) They then say, “but you knit anyway so why charge me that much?”
December 21, 2010 at 10:42 am
@drunkenatheist, if I wasn’t completely smitten with an artisticagnostic I’d stalk you and knit you mittens.
December 21, 2010 at 10:49 am
I wonder if she’d be interested in my series of plastic canvas needlework, “Explicit Bestiality of Early 20th Century American Authors”? I have some lovely coasters available, and the matching tissue box covers, too.
December 21, 2010 at 11:02 am
Do these people NEVER invite their grandmothers over for dinner? Or do they have those special walls where the doorbell trips a switch that lowers a Thomas Kinkaid painting over the obscene and eerily detailed custom artwork that they have on display.
December 21, 2010 at 11:13 am
That quote definitely changes the statement “I have a bone to pick with you.”
December 21, 2010 at 11:43 am
Here’s my creative feedback for that price
[IMG]http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp123/dymphnawolf/100_0218.jpg[/IMG]
December 21, 2010 at 11:48 am
Ahem… as I was saying,
my creative feedback for that price
http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp123/dymphnawolf/100_0219.jpg
It’s even customizable
http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp123/dymphnawolf/100_0219.jpg
http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp123/dymphnawolf/100_0220.jpg
December 21, 2010 at 11:58 am
Why do I get the feeling the ‘significant other’ might be very, very surprised about this?
December 21, 2010 at 12:31 pm
I blame Wal-Mart for the cheap prices people offer on Alchemy. They confuse mass production in China with custom made in the USA.
You actually CAN get this item embroidered for $18. Unfortunately, that’s per unit in a batch of 500,000.
Here’s my guess on the prices if you don’t want 500,000:
$24 per unit for 250,000 units
$49 per unit for 50,000 units
$99 per unit for 10,000 units
$150 per unit for 1,000 units
$200 per unit for 200 units
$350 per unit for 1 unit
Suck it up, America. Crafters, and by that I mean quality crafters, need to feed their families if they’re going to spend more than 8-hours on your sick, perverted request.
December 21, 2010 at 12:31 pm
I like how this is the 69th WTF Alchemy request.
Argh, people are such cheap bastards! $18 won’t even get you a bouquet of ribbonwork flowers. And wanting it specifically in cross-stitch means it has to be done in a painterly style, which is not something just anyone can do.
December 21, 2010 at 12:43 pm
#42 Billsbayou, crafters need to feed their families even if they spend less than 8 hours on someone’s sick perverted request.
December 21, 2010 at 12:57 pm
$18 would not even buy the person a ticket to the freak show they are asking someone to make.
December 21, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Call of the Wild?
CALL OF THE WEIRD!
December 21, 2010 at 1:56 pm
#42 knittin-kitten, I think it’s more disturbing if the significant other is NOT surprised by this.
December 21, 2010 at 2:02 pm
I wasn’t intending to comment on this one, but I happened to show my ten year old brother, and I felt his reaction ought to be added:
“…Awesome!”
December 21, 2010 at 2:15 pm
So, is that actually a photo of Jack London in his underpants? Where the hell did someone find a photo of Jack London in his underpants?!? I mean, given this person’s taste, I’m sure they were willing to put in the time searching for it, but why was it out there to be found in the first place?
December 21, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Fucking furries.
December 21, 2010 at 3:42 pm
This person has ruined two of my favorite books for me… I wonder if we can call PETA or the ASPCA on them for this. I’m also not sure whether I’m more disturbed by the request, or the fact that somebody took the commission.
December 21, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Who let the dogs out?
December 21, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I can’t stop shaking my head at how many people will ask for such a grandiose design or whatever, and expect that someone actually worth their salt in that medium will only charge them monopoly money for it. I mean, seriously. I can barely cross-stitch to save my life and even I would be offended at the price expectation!
December 21, 2010 at 4:17 pm
lets just toss the requester to the wolves and call it a day
December 21, 2010 at 4:29 pm
When I first read the title of the request, I laughed so hard, because I assumed that the person meant that he wanted Jack London to be fighting off the wolves, not engaging in flagrante delicto. This is too awesome.
December 21, 2010 at 4:48 pm
I, too, thought “beating off” in this case meant he was fighting the wolves. But I see now….I see.
December 21, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Paying only $18 must have something to do with the charity quote she put out…
Share your talent!
December 21, 2010 at 6:12 pm
#37-Do you have anything involving H.P. Lovecraft and a Shoggoth? It would make a lovely surprise for my brother. And I’d be willing to go as high as $20.
December 22, 2010 at 5:08 am
I was more shocked at the price she was kindly offering for a “highly realistic” and “well done” drawing…
December 22, 2010 at 7:38 am
The people who make these bizarre Alchemy requests can’t possibly be artists/crafters themselves. The cost of supplies aside, did it even cross her mind how much TIME it takes to finish a cross-stitch project? Or a painting, or even a drawing (or is that just me because I’m slow?) Sorry, but I’m not interested in investing that much time with your Victorian literature/bestiality fantasy. Especially if all I’m getting is $18.
December 22, 2010 at 8:29 am
Reminds me of someone on the Nashville Craigslist who wanted a green sweater with a dick knit in the middle done for the very next day for an “ugly Christmas sweater” party. Adult-sized.
I think this is more than just Wal-Mart. This is something far more sinister and uncorrectable. This is bringing stupidity and a lack of grip on reality to great and terrifying new lows.
March 8, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Is Alchemy the site for sickos? WTF??????
July 7, 2011 at 9:01 am
THe main thing that BLOWS MY MIND is the PRICE! XD That would give you a stick figure of this thing! And realy, do people often find the “high” guality they are asking for in these kind of pornographick images? There are plenty of porn art (gay, hetero, lesbian, beastiality) around to find a good artist that is willing to the art they want. Then again, none of them do it for the prise of being ass raped for free…