Crapshow
You know what kids love? They love sorting things, they love size relationships and they love doughy, 63 year-old horror novelists from New England. Fuck you, X Box!
UPDATE: COMPARE AND SAVE-SKI
60 comments on Crapshow
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December 20, 2010 at 6:42 pm
speechless…
December 20, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Really looking for a niche market here. Horror for Toddlers! Now available only from Creeps R Us!
December 20, 2010 at 6:44 pm
My mother adores Stephen King.
I think if I got her this, she’d stop.
December 20, 2010 at 6:44 pm
Really?? His books are scary – but this is head-spinning, vomit-inducing horrible.
December 20, 2010 at 6:45 pm
aw, dangit! This is so much cooler than the H.P. Lovecraft Matryoshka dolls the kids are getting this year.
December 20, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Psssh…I just finished extensive graduate research that shows that small children much prefer nesting dolls in the form of 15th century Italian political offers.
But personally, I remember when I received my first set of nesting dolls featuring these novelists. My, my, the things you learn about size…considering what’s hidden in the smallest doll.
December 20, 2010 at 6:49 pm
He gets scarier as he gets smaller. Another relationship for your child to explore.
December 20, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Merry Creepmas, y’all.
December 20, 2010 at 6:54 pm
You really need to check out the other offerings by this seller. I only got as far as the Kiss nesting dolls where the smallest one is just Gene Simmons’ (I’m assuming here)tongue. Disturbing.
December 20, 2010 at 6:56 pm
And they’re just like his novels. Appears to have a plot from the outside, but you just keep opening up new, similarly empty plotines.
December 20, 2010 at 6:58 pm
I started reading his books when I was 10. Is it weird that I would have loved this back then? I might be the *only* child who would!
December 20, 2010 at 7:00 pm
why does the big one look like Kenny Rogers? The second one is the only one that looks like him. I grew up in maine and remember always thinking he looked mildly retarded
December 20, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Crapshow is not the same without Ed Harris’s sexy disco dancing.
December 20, 2010 at 7:03 pm
Why does it look like a painting of the toy?
December 20, 2010 at 7:05 pm
I’m so glad to see one with a guitar. His work with the Rock Bottom Remainders is really the highlight of his career…
December 20, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Niet to this Russian abombonation
But DA to Regretsy my Regretzky comrads
December 20, 2010 at 7:07 pm
my boyfriend is a huge stephen king fan- i showed these to him and for a split-second he considered purchasing these. they’re certainly creepy, though!
December 20, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Doesn’t this person know that all the cool kids are busy playing with Stephanie Meyer nesting dolls? Geez, get with the times…
December 20, 2010 at 7:20 pm
In the small one he’s like a Caucasian grinch.
December 20, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Probably a resale of a Russian souvenir once they got home and realized how fugly it was. Seriously, you see these celebrity matryoshki all over the souvenir markets over there.
December 20, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Ack. That guy is scary-looking even when he’s painted with talent. Which this isn’t. Talent part, I mean.
December 20, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Actually, this would be an appropriate gift for a moderately myopic Charlie Sheen fan, too.
December 20, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Uncle Stevie, no!
Also, why is one of them John Denver playing the guitar?
December 20, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Please take a stand and put me out of my misery with this creepshow, (maybe hit me with a silver bullet)…it is definitely not a needful thing. Who wants to stand by me?
December 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Creepy though it may be, this thing gave me the satisfaction of using my otherwise useless cyrillic skillz.
Can I get a regretsy matryoshka with some of the greatest regrets? That would be less frightful than this.
December 20, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Oh my:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/64300523/7-pc-lion-king-disneyana-russian-nesting
December 20, 2010 at 9:08 pm
Etsy: Causing inscrutable childhood traumas since 2005.
December 20, 2010 at 9:55 pm
If that damn clown Pennywise from IT didn’t freak them out, these should do the trick.
December 20, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Ooooh I want a Jack Nicholson one to go with!!
December 20, 2010 at 10:13 pm
The big one is kinda hot.
December 20, 2010 at 10:15 pm
This is actually really cool.
Stephen King is the man. If you don’t raise your kids on him, then they’ll grow up to be pussies.
December 20, 2010 at 10:21 pm
The big one looks more like Michael McDonald than Stephen King. Either way, not a win.
December 20, 2010 at 10:23 pm
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December 20, 2010 at 10:55 pm
unrelated, but omgwtf…?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/13614803/captain-kirk-as-an-alien-original
December 21, 2010 at 1:14 am
If you actually buy your kid this, I’d be rather more concerned about exploring the relationship between you and your child over ‘sorting and size relationships’.
December 21, 2010 at 1:58 am
fuck a duck! this is terrifying!!
i kinda wannit…
December 21, 2010 at 4:09 am
The second one looks like what would happen if Luke Skywalker and Jabba the Hutt had a baby and then gave him a guitar for Christmas.
December 21, 2010 at 4:24 am
They’re astoundingly startling, and well painted. King’s just an odd looker.
That said, I still don’t want the damn things in my house.
December 21, 2010 at 5:20 am
Having your child “explore sorting and size” relationships will help them qualify for two jobs when they grow up – postal worker anywhere or fluffer in Chatsworth, and if they “explore sorting and size” relationships with wooden bulbous dolls of men that fit inside one another, I’m thinking the latter is more likely.
December 21, 2010 at 5:54 am
I decorate Ukrainian eggs and it’s disturbing crap like this that makes me feel justified in worrying about if it’s okay to use nontraditional designs in my work. It’s all just a slippery slope to poorly drawn kitch if you throw tradition out the window completely. Really, I thought the Penn State egg I made was pushing it, but this is kind of disturbing.
December 21, 2010 at 6:09 am
I just got to looking at their store and I found this one, every other one I looked at had several poses for a person, This is all the same look lol
http://www.etsy.com/listing/64056267/monk-show-5-exclusive-russian-nesting
December 21, 2010 at 6:11 am
You forgot to compare and save. Why, the very same dolls are just $39.00 on eBay today!
http://cgi.ebay.com/Stephen-King-5-Wooden-Exclusive-Russian-Nesting-Dolls-/370467421627
Jerseycow6, you should look through the shop. Not sure if you’ll find it more assuring or less, though you can take solace in the realization that these dolls fall into the “not even remotely hand made” camp. Check out the Steeler dolls and then check out how many more places you can find them for sale on the internet and “in stock” for bulk purchases.
December 21, 2010 at 6:28 am
Hear Hear, #42!!! Exactly the kind of thing I hate seeing on Etsy!
I am wondering why, out of their 316 different styles, I couldn’t find a Star Trek one to go with a Star Trek buttplug
December 21, 2010 at 6:36 am
#43 AU CONTRAIRE!…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/62331727/russian-nesting-dolls-star-trek-7p
Knock yourself out
December 21, 2010 at 6:39 am
Thanks, Um.
I had seen the Disney cartoon matryoshka dolls before, but never that big an array of people from American pop culture. I don’t think I ever thought they weren’t handmade. I’ve always imagined a bunch of old Babas sitting around a table in a chilly and dimly-lit room resentfully painting things to sell to stupid Americans.
This is what they’ve done with the art of Pysanky, btw:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/62982857/f-1-rerrari-russian-wobble-dolls-1-pc
Sadly, I think my brother would actually buy one of those.
December 21, 2010 at 6:59 am
THIS is the one that has me o_O
http://www.etsy.com/listing/61476744/stowe-uncle-toms-cabin-negro-russian?ref=v1_other_1
December 21, 2010 at 7:05 am
#46:
Wow. At least they bothered including more than a cut-and-paste description on that one. Not one that makes me want to buy *anything* from them at all, though.
December 21, 2010 at 7:08 am
Finally! Now my set can be complete. I already have the Stephen King crumpled blob, depicting when he was hit by a car, to put into the smallest one.
December 21, 2010 at 7:22 am
Is this even legal to profit off of Stephen King’s image? I wouldn’t think so unless he approved it… which I doubt in this case.
December 21, 2010 at 7:50 am
Neat…seller included George Lucas in a suit.
December 21, 2010 at 9:09 am
OK, I know the whole point of Regretsy is to skewer stupid things, but you guys are crazy. These are awesome and I want some!
P.S. Perhaps I should sell on eBay the Seven Dwarfs set I gave to my nieces. I could get some serious dough for the $6 I paid for them in St Petersburg
December 21, 2010 at 9:15 am
I <3 Stephen King…
But this… this will surely give me the kind of nightmares I DON'T want to have!
December 21, 2010 at 9:54 am
WANT.
…If I didn’t have to pay for it.
I’m about half an hour away from Bangor.
December 21, 2010 at 9:57 am
So lemme guess. Margaret White gave Carrie nesting dolls to play with when Carrie was a child, and that’s part of what effed her up.
I think all nesting dolls are creepy, but this takes the cake.
December 21, 2010 at 4:29 pm
While this is a bit creepy, I can’t help but think these would be awesome for storing the ashes of a former relative in… it just seems right.
#40 lillianna: I love doing Pysanky eggs! If you think about it, designs change and evolve over time anyhow, so I wouldn’t think that a Penn State egg would be all that bad… besides, look at the stuff that shows up here! It can’t be that bad!
#41 Um and Uh: I think what disturbs me most about that set is the creepy dead eyes they gave him. Is he zombie Monk?
December 21, 2010 at 4:29 pm
would it disturb any of you to let you know i have been reading Stephen king’s books sense i was in third grade?
December 21, 2010 at 11:10 pm
I’m actually getting more of a George Lucas-vibe from that first one.
December 22, 2010 at 6:20 am
#56 invader, not really. His books are about blood and guts and dead things… all the kids I knew thought that stuff was pretty cool.
December 22, 2010 at 12:03 pm
My mother got NBA San Antonio Spurs matryoshka dolls for my brother when she went to Russia. They have everything over there.
May 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I’m a fan of Stephen King, but this is fugly.