I think this is the first Advent calendar item I have clicked through to and screamed instead of laughed. Making sure I am stocked up on sleep remedies for tonight.
all frosty wanted to do was sleep on off under the bridge downtown, but no!
somebody stuck some ornament wire up his ass, threw him in the oven for hours, then hung him on the tree.
Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
December 15, 2010 at 10:33 am
This needs further “antiquing” with a 5-lb hammer.
It looks as if it’s been sitting in a witch’s jar* buried in someone’s yard for at least one generation. And then gnawed on by a rabid dog.
*if you’re too lazy to look it up, a witch’s jar, it’s a jar that’s been filled with mirror shards, rusty nails, pins, needles, and other sharp nasty things, and then filled with urine and buried on the property line to keep out trespassers.
Hmmm… maybe I should make these and sell them on Etsy in my artistic ability…
BCGE, you should totally sell those. Only use fairie urine, because you don’t want to be selling your genetic materials to all the people who would be crazy enough to buy them.
I looked at the sellers bio, and am confused because she doesn’t seem to be catering to the goth community. I think she means these to be, “decorative”.
#15: From what I’ve seen on Regretsy, I’m beginning to think ‘folk art’ actually translates to ‘emotionally scarring.’ I think an English to Regretsy dictionary is in order…
@Queen Diem: To be baked “vintage”, a baked atrocity must be carefully cooked in a fire for 85 years, stoked and maintained by several generations in a demon-cookie baking clan. Which is like a ninja clan, but actually far scarier.
Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
December 15, 2010 at 12:05 pm
#36 whimsiclesthenics, I could call it “yellow mystery fluid”. But would it be better to send instructions with the jar of tetanus – I mean witch’s jar – telling the buyer to use their own urine? Would that be more fun?
Good lord. I didn’t think anything was going to creep me out as much as the vulvaball for a while, then I clicked on this. The fact that she thinks it’s “cute” just ups the horror factor.
#50 waywardtopher: You took the link right out of my head. If I had that for a night light as a kid I would have clawed my eyes out from the inside out.
Evil! She makes evil things and sells them to unsuspecting innocents! At least she’s got artistic consistency, even if it’s consistently crap.
wasn’t there a holiday horror movie called, “jack frost” (i don’t mean the michael keaton version)…
the boston terrier ornaments are cute though- did you see those, killer?
@#13 and #60, it could be his finger–perhaps he’s just a thalidomide elf. (Okay, that was kind of tasteless, even for here. I apologize, but I’m hitting Submit anyway.)
Alright, which one of you assholes bought this? Because it would have made an excellent addition to my snowman collection. It’s the one I could have given the dog to gnaw on so she’d leave my good ornaments alone!
I never thought a grown woman could be frightened of baked clay (or a painted dog)(or painted dog turds), but there’s a first time for everything.
(((((O.O)))))
I, for one, do not need to sleep tonight….
This is almost endearing in a horrifying sort of way. If it were $6 cheaper, I’d purchase it just so I could hide it in places around the house and wait for other people to happen upon it and crap their pants.
Upon further inspection of her shop, it’s overall style quirky and not that bad. At least her stuff is original and not mass-produced, which makes her a an etsy star in my book.
I agree with the description of one-of-a-kind, although I believe I, too, will attempt to craft a bow-legged snowsuccubus should we get enough snow this season.
I wonder if, after making one of these beauties to order, it has to sit in his shop for 20 years to qualify as vintage?
ratatatboomandallthosenoises
December 16, 2010 at 3:04 pm
“Item may vary in look size and color at is handmade and not made from a mold.”
Well, I don’t know the length of gestation for the spawn of John Wayne Gacy and Pennywise, but I’m sure there’s some awkward courtship rituals that must be observed first. So very disturbed right now.
December 15, 2010 at 9:34 am
Snowman with African descent features in whiteface? Check.
Christmas ornament carrying Halloween candy tub? Check.
Twisted skeletal structure, pigeon toes, hooves for feet and wearing a child’s sleeper? Check, check, check, and check.
Now to finish off the indignity with a turd on the head. Masterpiece!
December 15, 2010 at 9:35 am
Well, I’m sure glad you spent hours making it hard. You know they have a pill for that.
December 15, 2010 at 9:36 am
Can’t sleep. Clown ornament will eat me.
December 15, 2010 at 9:38 am
Wh said anything about this being a “Chistmas” Ornament?
This is obvioulsy a late Halloween decoration of an insane snowman costume! Look; he’s even carrying a pumpkin bucket.
December 15, 2010 at 9:39 am
It’s multitpurpose!
December 15, 2010 at 9:40 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/63910401/folk-art-minitature-french-bulldog
Nutcracker meets the Pound meets a one-legged Aunt Bertha.
December 15, 2010 at 9:40 am
What on earth was this person thinking when they made this? It looks like all my nightmares rolled into one!
(yes, don’t even think of asking)
December 15, 2010 at 9:43 am
He looks like he’s trying to whack off but his arms are too short and stubby.
December 15, 2010 at 9:44 am
My dog once ate a bag of skittles. Let’s just say that the next day, I found items in the back yard that were far more ornamental than this.
December 15, 2010 at 9:45 am
I love him. He looks like John Wayne Gacy, dressed as a clown, pretending to be Santa.
December 15, 2010 at 9:45 am
It reminds me of the clown from IT. I think I just peed a little. *mommy?*
December 15, 2010 at 9:45 am
Frosty, Spirit Possessed by the Poltergeist Clown, Snowman.
I’d like to see that special on ABC.
December 15, 2010 at 9:46 am
is he giving us the finger or is it my imagination?
December 15, 2010 at 9:46 am
@thecatsmeow – he seems not to have a penis, which would also complicate his ability to whack off.
December 15, 2010 at 9:48 am
Also, since when does “Whimsical” translate to “ohmyfuckinggod that evil assclown ornament is going to kill me when I sleep”?
December 15, 2010 at 9:48 am
I think Whimsical Snowman should lay off that corncob pipe. His teeth could use some whitening.
December 15, 2010 at 9:49 am
I think this is the first Advent calendar item I have clicked through to and screamed instead of laughed. Making sure I am stocked up on sleep remedies for tonight.
December 15, 2010 at 9:50 am
Looks like the reindeer crapped on his jacket after knocking him down…but he LIKES it.
December 15, 2010 at 9:52 am
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
wait, fire makes it “hard.” ummmmmmm.
December 15, 2010 at 9:53 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 15, 2010 at 9:55 am
I’m just wondering how many hours of baking = vintage?
December 15, 2010 at 9:56 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
December 15, 2010 at 9:56 am
all frosty wanted to do was sleep on off under the bridge downtown, but no!
somebody stuck some ornament wire up his ass, threw him in the oven for hours, then hung him on the tree.
December 15, 2010 at 9:57 am
*sleep one off…
December 15, 2010 at 10:03 am
I think I need to go look up the definition of ‘cute’ because I didn’t realize it meant ‘nightmare inducing’
December 15, 2010 at 10:05 am
In the description… “Cute Ornament”.
My idea of cute is obviously wrong.
My boys, dogs, and cats must be hideous!
December 15, 2010 at 10:10 am
AAAAAAAAGH D:
Usuallly I like horrible ugly things, but seriously this thing is downright scary!
December 15, 2010 at 10:13 am
Seller, I do not think cute means what you think it means.
If this is cute in her world, I’d hate to see scary.
December 15, 2010 at 10:15 am
I *knew* that zombie-killing kit would come in handy this holiday season! Back up, everyone — I’m loading the crossbow now.
December 15, 2010 at 10:18 am
the annoying orange!! that’s what it looks like! it’s been driving me crazy. okay, i feel better now.
December 15, 2010 at 10:18 am
Elsewhere in seller’s shop…http://www.etsy.com/listing/62583650/primitive-black-folk-art-santa-claus
My, Santa, what a big “candy cane” you have there.
December 15, 2010 at 10:20 am
when the icing starts showing up in your stool, you may want to cut back on the Christmas cookies.
December 15, 2010 at 10:33 am
This needs further “antiquing” with a 5-lb hammer.
It looks as if it’s been sitting in a witch’s jar* buried in someone’s yard for at least one generation. And then gnawed on by a rabid dog.
*if you’re too lazy to look it up, a witch’s jar, it’s a jar that’s been filled with mirror shards, rusty nails, pins, needles, and other sharp nasty things, and then filled with urine and buried on the property line to keep out trespassers.
Hmmm… maybe I should make these and sell them on Etsy in my artistic ability…
December 15, 2010 at 10:41 am
Proving the first rule of craft shows: slap a dog’s head on something and it will sell.
December 15, 2010 at 10:41 am
” … and what to my wondering eyes should appear? Pennywise as Santa, nothing could be more horrible this year.”
December 15, 2010 at 10:43 am
BCGE, you should totally sell those. Only use fairie urine, because you don’t want to be selling your genetic materials to all the people who would be crazy enough to buy them.
December 15, 2010 at 10:45 am
The Joker to Creepy Snowman: Why so serious?
December 15, 2010 at 11:08 am
You know you’re getting jaded when the biggest problem you have with this is the trick or treat pail.
Methinks the artist repurposed this after it didn’t sell at Halloween. Something tells me it’ll have bunny ears in the spring.
December 15, 2010 at 11:12 am
Oh my god this thing is terrifying. I think I just tinkled… cleanup in Aisle one?
December 15, 2010 at 11:16 am
I looked at the sellers bio, and am confused because she doesn’t seem to be catering to the goth community. I think she means these to be, “decorative”.
December 15, 2010 at 11:18 am
“Bake” and “kill with fire” are not interchangeable. That’s some prime nightmare fodder right there…
December 15, 2010 at 11:40 am
#15: From what I’ve seen on Regretsy, I’m beginning to think ‘folk art’ actually translates to ‘emotionally scarring.’ I think an English to Regretsy dictionary is in order…
December 15, 2010 at 11:43 am
All of this crafter’s stuff is hideous! For once this is not just a random regretsy – the ornies are ugly!
December 15, 2010 at 11:52 am
That’s it. I’m scarred for life.
December 15, 2010 at 11:55 am
@Queen Diem: To be baked “vintage”, a baked atrocity must be carefully cooked in a fire for 85 years, stoked and maintained by several generations in a demon-cookie baking clan. Which is like a ninja clan, but actually far scarier.
December 15, 2010 at 11:58 am
@4 GoreKitten – a pumpkin basket?
Thank all that’s Regretsy, I took it for a colostomy bag…oh, no, I can’t have said it…
December 15, 2010 at 12:05 pm
#36 whimsiclesthenics, I could call it “yellow mystery fluid”. But would it be better to send instructions with the jar of tetanus – I mean witch’s jar – telling the buyer to use their own urine? Would that be more fun?
December 15, 2010 at 12:06 pm
OOoh… or I could sell “kits” with a jar and a pile of broken rusty metal and glass shards. Or has someone beaten me to that already?
December 15, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Um, Mr. Pennywise? Your balloon is deflating.
December 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Check it out:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/63626254/custom-boutique-folk-art-panda-bear
…and I guess “boutique” translates to “zombie steampunk panda head attached to body of blackface doll.”
(the light bulb sticking out of its head is what makes it steampunk, in case you were wondering)
December 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Gah! Snow-monster-gingerbread-boogie man!
December 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm
thank goodness it’s one of a kind!
December 15, 2010 at 2:15 pm
6643 views
0 hearts
I do believe that says it all.
December 15, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Two things that I noticed right away:
1. That is the whitest black face that I have ever seen.
2. I’m pretty sure that Frosty is jerking off.
Anyone else see it too?
December 15, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Teacher says “every time a crack head opens an Etsy account, an angel strangles a bulldog” http://www.etsy.com/listing/60992000/folk-art-english-bulldog-dog-angel-doll?ref=v1_other_1
December 15, 2010 at 4:23 pm
And how is it the seller has sold 135 pieces of this crap?
December 15, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Good lord. I didn’t think anything was going to creep me out as much as the vulvaball for a while, then I clicked on this. The fact that she thinks it’s “cute” just ups the horror factor.
December 15, 2010 at 4:33 pm
This thing is fucking horrifying. I can’t think of anything clever to say at all.
December 15, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Looking through her items, I am forced to conclude her idea of making something look old means to make it look like it’s been rubbed in shit.
December 15, 2010 at 5:20 pm
#13, it’s not his finger.
December 15, 2010 at 5:37 pm
#50 waywardtopher: You took the link right out of my head. If I had that for a night light as a kid I would have clawed my eyes out from the inside out.
Evil! She makes evil things and sells them to unsuspecting innocents! At least she’s got artistic consistency, even if it’s consistently crap.
December 15, 2010 at 5:53 pm
WTF boutique would stock this crap???
December 15, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Oh, just hang this jacking off snowman on the tree facing the scary vagina ball, and it’ll make sense.
December 15, 2010 at 6:48 pm
wasn’t there a holiday horror movie called, “jack frost” (i don’t mean the michael keaton version)…
the boston terrier ornaments are cute though- did you see those, killer?
December 15, 2010 at 6:55 pm
It sold. Did someone here buy it as in-law repellent?
December 15, 2010 at 7:44 pm
@#13 and #60, it could be his finger–perhaps he’s just a thalidomide elf. (Okay, that was kind of tasteless, even for here. I apologize, but I’m hitting Submit anyway.)
December 15, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I foresee that belonging to Regretsy is NOT going to help me overcome my fear of clowns….agggghhhhhhhh!
December 15, 2010 at 7:57 pm
This would be utterly adorable…..if it looked completely different.
December 15, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Alright, which one of you assholes bought this? Because it would have made an excellent addition to my snowman collection. It’s the one I could have given the dog to gnaw on so she’d leave my good ornaments alone!
December 15, 2010 at 9:25 pm
I never thought a grown woman could be frightened of baked clay (or a painted dog)(or painted dog turds), but there’s a first time for everything.
(((((O.O)))))
I, for one, do not need to sleep tonight….
December 15, 2010 at 10:02 pm
I predict I will have night terrors … if I sleep at all.
December 16, 2010 at 3:21 am
I’m eerily reminded of the whimsicle creepfest of a Christmas movie that was Jack Frost. I never needed to be reminded of that.
December 16, 2010 at 6:27 am
This is almost endearing in a horrifying sort of way. If it were $6 cheaper, I’d purchase it just so I could hide it in places around the house and wait for other people to happen upon it and crap their pants.
December 16, 2010 at 6:35 am
That shit’s terrifying.
December 16, 2010 at 7:26 am
I pray to God this is truly ooak, because I can’t live in a world in which there are more than one of these hideous things.
December 16, 2010 at 7:27 am
Upon further inspection of her shop, it’s overall style quirky and not that bad. At least her stuff is original and not mass-produced, which makes her a an etsy star in my book.
December 16, 2010 at 9:32 am
Looks like poopy on his head.
December 16, 2010 at 10:01 am
@yarnbarney– I dunno, but it looks as though it is still for sale. ACT NOW!
December 16, 2010 at 10:26 am
I agree with the description of one-of-a-kind, although I believe I, too, will attempt to craft a bow-legged snowsuccubus should we get enough snow this season.
I wonder if, after making one of these beauties to order, it has to sit in his shop for 20 years to qualify as vintage?
December 16, 2010 at 3:04 pm
“Item may vary in look size and color at is handmade and not made from a mold.”
Well, I don’t know the length of gestation for the spawn of John Wayne Gacy and Pennywise, but I’m sure there’s some awkward courtship rituals that must be observed first. So very disturbed right now.
December 17, 2010 at 4:43 am
What an absolute fucking barking mad interprepation the seller has of “cute”.
December 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Ohhhhhhhhh. I get it. THAT’s what Whimsicle means!
December 21, 2010 at 8:35 pm
A few things in that shop look modeled after Mr. Hanky.