Glingers
A little over a week ago, I asked you to predict the hottest Etsy trend of 2011.
The response was fantastic. Not only did almost 13,000 people vote in the poll, many of you suggested other trends that were so stupid I didn’t even think of them. And that’s pretty close to a compliment, when you think about it.
However, one of your suggestions has really started something special:
Yes, gloveless fingers, or Glingers as one reader christened them. Like all successful trends on Etsy, they’re completely useless and utter bullshit. And that means THEY’RE GOING TO BE BIGGER THAN SKANTS!
I can just see them in a spring treasury, hand knit in colors like “Sugar Snap” and “Easter Grass”. Stupid hipster girls will model them at the Farmers Market, rubbing fruit against their pouting faces and looking like they just had their first idea. And every pair will be made from sustainable eco-friendly recycled organic fibers pulled from a donkey’s ass.
But you don’t have to wait for spring because Glingers™ are here! Yes, you, the readers, actually made some of these things, because you are wonderful, creative, prescient people. And because you have no jobs.
From Tonya:
I’ve been feverishly knitting my gloves that are just fingers (henceforth known as Glingers) at my desk since I came back from lunch with yarn and knitting needles today. I think I might start my own Etsy store just to sell these whimsicle little fuckers. (I’d also accept other ideals for my store). They’re perfect for those times when your fingers are cold but you need your palms free for things like accepting communion wafers or giving hand jobs*. Soon I will also start making fingertipless Glingers for those times when your fingers are cold and you are accepting communion wafers or giving hand jobs, but still need to use the touchscreen of your iPhone. (Maybe to text something like “OMG, you won’t believe who I’m giving a hand job right now!”).
*not mutually exclusive
From Mary:
Finally, my palms can breathe while my fingertips keep busy with the electrical sockets!
From Audrey:
Using the power of science, I made these labpunk scienceglam handless gloves happen in my artistic ability, a mystical unraveling of creative and scientific talent completely uncorrupted by artificial constraints such as ‘taste’ and ‘human decency.’ The lucky buyer can use them in the context of fashionable crimes, leaving no fingerprints while maintaining the important fashion objective of looking like a complete and total tool. They are also useful for giving medical examinations to very small people, picking up biohazardous waste with the tips of the fingers, and foreplay. I am selling them for $9.00 each to benefit the Sandwiches for Me Fund, where 100 cents out of every dollar will be used to acquire sandwiches for my own personal research and consumption. Convo me for test-tube fascinator!
From Desiree:
Here are “Gloves that are just Fingers” or Gloveless Fingers. For the times your fingers are cold, but you need your palms free.
This is a crocheted piece. I tried to use tampons, but they just fell apart.
December 9, 2010 at 3:01 pm
This makes me proud to be a part of the special breed of people that make up Regretsy readers.
The science glingers are my favorite. They give the appearance of safety, but you could spill hydrocloric acid on your palm at any time and scald your skin off! Absolutely thrilling.
December 9, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Finger condoms-everything old is new again.
December 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Audrey’s combine two of the predicted fashions: Fingerless Gloves and Upcycled Medical Waste: TOTAL WIN!
December 9, 2010 at 3:04 pm
i think that i saw rhianna wear those on SNL.
hey – i sometimes wear those at work also! my company is so on trend. awesome.
December 9, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Can someone make some 5 finger clips to attach to my kid’s jackets so they don’t lose their fingers?
December 9, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Really looking forward to the fingertipless ones. While Glingers are a great idea, they would severely threaten my nose picking activities.
December 9, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Genius. Absolute, unadulterated genius. The only way this could be better would be if someone could make them out of Viking Glam. *hint, hint*
December 9, 2010 at 3:15 pm
The lab glove Glingers remind me of the OJ Simpson trial when he showed the gloves didn’t fit. If only he thought to invent Glingers for those of the wide palm…
December 9, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Those are altogether awesome! But the little fuckers would be easy to lose so the sellers might consider connecting them with 5 strings through the sleeve. Bonus — they’d dangle from your coat like little penis cosies when not in use.
I’m not a knitter so couldn’t pull this off in my no-talent ability.
December 9, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Ok – I’m going to pick favorites — Desiree — my prediction is they would sell fast to fashionestyistas! Maybe even make Blinglingers by adding a crocheted gem, a tea cup or scrabble tile and she could retire early.
December 9, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Awesome job creative people!
Could one of you make me a neckless cowl?
December 9, 2010 at 3:26 pm
“Blinglingers”! HAHAHAHA
December 9, 2010 at 3:36 pm
I nearly piddled myself reading Tonya’s little note!
December 9, 2010 at 3:51 pm
I think I’m in love. <3
December 9, 2010 at 3:58 pm
I’m sorry for not thinking of this earlier, when you asked for suggestions on the poll. But since Tonya requested ideas, can I recommend Thongcks? They are little thong underpants that you wear on your feet, so that you get whale-tails on your ankles…
http://twtitw.firebus.com/node/17
December 9, 2010 at 4:03 pm
i created an account just so that i can tell you that i literally blew snot out onto my screen reading these Glinger entries and the comments. Do you think i can trace it and sprinkle it with glitter and sell it?
December 9, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I am dying laughing! I love Mary’s classy sparklers…whimsicle upcycling at its finest!!
December 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm
I LOVE THIS
science chick should post those on etsy
December 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Those science-lab glingers gave me a happy little moment…
*science nerd*
December 9, 2010 at 4:22 pm
I love you psychotic geniuses!
December 9, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Glingeriffic!
December 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm
absofreakinglutely brilliant. As usual, I am jealous of anyone who has an idea way better than mine!
December 9, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I love Audrey’s description most of all. just brilliant.
“100 cents out of every dollar will be used to acquire sandwiches for my own personal research” :3 hehe
December 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Larger glingers also could double as willie warmers. You can use mulitipurpose!
@firebus: lol at the link. Unfortunately, calling them “cupid’s cheeks” doesn’t make me think those things on my knees are cute. They’re still “those damned little blobs of fat that won’t go away.”
December 9, 2010 at 5:07 pm
I’ve… actually knitted a couple of these. Not a whole set, but a couple. They’re really useful for erasing minor errors when you’re writing on a whiteboard.
December 9, 2010 at 5:14 pm
glingers…you saw ‘em here first!
too funny. so proud to be a part of this whimsicle crew…great job on the glingers, ladies
December 9, 2010 at 5:18 pm
I love these! They’re so steampunk!
December 9, 2010 at 5:32 pm
finally, an answer to safe lesbian sex, and much sexier than dental dams. guess i get to go slut it up!
December 9, 2010 at 5:56 pm
I was going to knit some glingers, but I couldn’t figure out how to connect them. It never occurred to me that, clearly, once you have a set of gloves that are just fingers, practicality is not longer an issue.
December 9, 2010 at 6:02 pm
I’ve just laughed so hard I think I hurt myself. thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
December 9, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Oooh……I am going to make some Glingers! I just need to identify a material. These will be as good as these but better! An upcycled, vintage, handmade, steampunk (NOT Prim) version.
I’ll try to keep my clothes on when taking a picture of the final product in front of my mirror but no promises.
December 9, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Audrey: Exactly how many marriage proposals have you received since this post went up? Because surely mine will not be the first.
December 9, 2010 at 6:18 pm
The opposite of Handerpants: http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Handerpants.html
Because your hands need underpants.
December 9, 2010 at 6:41 pm
Whenever I see the amazing cra…er stuff that the good people of regretsy can make AND the imagination behind it, it makes me want to scream at the whiny bitches who bleat that regretsy fans have no talent and are jealous.
You guys rock.
December 9, 2010 at 6:43 pm
#29-I hope Audrey isn’t opposed to the idea of group marriage, as I also wish to ask for her lovely glingered hand (hands?) in matrimony.
December 9, 2010 at 7:26 pm
I made glingers by accident a few days ago while crocheting potholders for my boyfriends little sister, I crocheted handle holders for the little pans, put them on my fingers and was joking about it, I had forgotten all about this poll, Just a little haha moment for myself.
December 9, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Oh come on, people. We don’t need fingertipless Glingers! I mean, who doesn’t already have “OMG, you’ll never guess who I’m giving a hand job right now” in their quick-texts? Besides, Android has voice actions.
December 9, 2010 at 7:31 pm
hey now i know what to do with all the matchless gloves and toe socks laying around the house!
December 9, 2010 at 7:32 pm
They’re like finger puppets without the puppets.
Aw.
December 9, 2010 at 7:47 pm
so all i have to do is lop off the heads of my finger puppets and ….
December 9, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Vogue Knit.1 magazine, (Fall 2007) “Fingerlettes” From the designer’s Flickr page:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/69482464@N00/1365710939/
December 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Awesome job, people. I was going to knit some of these, but silly me, I’m knitting my mother mittens that cover the whole hand for Christmas. What was I thinking?
At this job I used to have, we had these little rubber things that went over your fingers if you had a cut. They were called Cots or something like that. We always called them finger condoms which lead to jokes about practicing safe sex, even when on your own. Yeah, it was a fast food job. You have to make the nasty jokes to stay sane.
December 9, 2010 at 10:24 pm
These were all just spectacular!
Although they are all ghastly, I can’t help but find that final set a bit attractive…I guess simply because it’s exactly my favourite colour. Audrey wins the prize though, for her poseur posing -delightfully strained and artificial! My applause to you all, truly! This was a ton o fun!
I would like to someday see a slouchy version of the tipless glingers, y’know, like legwarmers. I just think it might be amusing.
December 9, 2010 at 10:29 pm
P.S. Desiree “tried to use tampons”
EPIC!
That right there captures what Regretsy is all about!
December 9, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Just wait. Some crafty creep will make a (pair? set? bunch? flock?) out of their own dreadlocks, hacked off and hand-hollowed out, embellished with “found art objects” (crap they found by the dust bin) and tagged with “upcycled” “natural finish” and “locally produced fiber.”
December 9, 2010 at 11:07 pm
PS: didn’t someone already think of these?
http://bit.ly/fo8wVn
December 9, 2010 at 11:47 pm
I can’t believe you lured me out of my happy lurking with Glingers, but they are truly fanfreakingtastic!
December 10, 2010 at 12:23 am
Sandwiches for Me Fund, LOL!
yesterday i saw a glove that had everything but the fingers: it had a palm, and fingertips (connected by string) but nothing in between. it also had an 3-D octopus on it…
December 10, 2010 at 1:11 am
I heart these.
Now, someone should take it a step further and make them for your feet. Sockless toe socks? Or… Tingers?
December 10, 2010 at 4:43 am
I’ve got my crochet hooks and yarn ready. Gonna make a fortune.
December 10, 2010 at 8:02 am
I actually like the crocheted ones.
If I wear them with my fingerless gloves I’ll have….
GLOVES.
so novel.
December 10, 2010 at 8:47 am
Still laughing at “crotch cosie” XD
also…doubles as “microwave pot holders”!!!
December 10, 2010 at 10:08 am
I especially like the string idea… maybe add a loop to hang them off your coat button, even. I can’t say how many single gloves I own… gasp, I’ve got Glinger fodder!
December 10, 2010 at 11:44 am
Regretsy single handedly (the other giving a hj) creating the latest fashion trends. Fuck Milan, it all starts in Killer’s lair in Sherman Oaks!
December 10, 2010 at 11:56 am
OK! Let’s make Glingers out of a ShamWow to take care of small spills, chiuaua tinkle or other unexplained moisture
December 10, 2010 at 12:10 pm
I’m thinking that we need a way to keep these bastards on while riding our fixies, flicking through secondhand LPs, etc. May I suggest little elastics around the bottoms of each Glinger, or that weird slightly sticky elastic found on stay-up stockings and tube tops (not that I wear tube tops, ahem) to help them stay up? Or maybe sets of resourced compressed-hair rings with velcro on them?
December 10, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Oh, and I realized that at times my look could be called Amish Goth. Oh no.
December 10, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I remember someone tried to sell something similar…
Only they didn’t call them “Glingers” but “PhoneFingers”.
http://bit.ly/iL3Ek
I couldn’t find an article in English, sorry. Their website isn’t at the link provided in the article, so I guess they went out of business.
February 16, 2012 at 4:38 pm
From their description using Google Translate:
“This is a rubber boot for your fingers, but I prefer to call “condom thimbles” and allow you to use your beloved gadgets multitouch without leaving a single footprint on it. Course, if you want to use them to lose the shame of being seen on the street with two black fingers …”
December 10, 2010 at 12:44 pm
#5 & #9: Straps like what you use to keep your kid from losing their mittens sounds like a very good idea to implement on a set of Glingers.
If I didn’t have some deadline knitting going, I’d set to work on them straight away.
December 10, 2010 at 1:17 pm
for you latex-glinger fetishists out there:
http://www.unplggd.com/unplggd/hot-or-not-finger-condoms-for-all-your-touch-screen-needsfrom-the-wtf-files-078010
December 10, 2010 at 2:10 pm
@stickywu: that looks like something for a germophobe for all the touch screens on ATMs and debit/credit machines. Even I get out the hand sanitizer when I use one of those right after a sniffler.
December 10, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Tonya: That is SO the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree”! Audrey and Desiree too…simply hawesome!
December 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Dear God…it’s already taking off
http://preview.tinyurl.com/24vhohc
December 10, 2010 at 4:35 pm
#60 catherder: There’s a guy at the local library who could use those. He’s a desheveled elderly man with awful body odor, but he still insists on using a plastic grocery bag on his hand when using the mouse on the public computers. And he’s not homeless. If you want to see strange, go to your local public library.
December 10, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Don’t forget the Bridal version of Glingers, to go with the bridal jeans here:
http://www.regretsy.com/category/who-wore-it-better/page/2/
Here’s my take on it (pardon mad Photoshop skills)
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l100/crainny/crystal_glingers.jpg
December 11, 2010 at 1:47 am
Glad to see Audrey has her eye protection in place. Safety first!
December 11, 2010 at 7:45 pm
@#49 Fia Flammiferous :
I heart these.
Now, someone should take it a step further and make them for your feet. Sockless toe socks? Or… Tingers?
Tocks!
December 11, 2010 at 10:05 pm
These would go great with some fingerless gloves!
December 12, 2010 at 11:07 am
That last pic is pretty much the best thing ever!
December 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Sheesh … this is bringing back memories. And I had trouble with four knitting needles and an average circumference of five inches.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/noregretsy/4216875949/
Okay okaaaaaay …. if you want five fitted to the average finger circumference … it’ll cost you.
December 13, 2010 at 4:26 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/53708032/fashion-finger-covers-hibiscus-chocolate?ref=cat2_gallery_31
apparently it already exists…oh noooo
December 19, 2010 at 12:16 am
Slight tangent: you guys may remember that one of the other predicted Etsy trends was paintings of dogs dressed as ’50s starlets. Well, I couldn’t resist making one: http://shesaidpop.blogspot.com/2010/12/yeah-fine-i-probably-wouldve-done-it.html
July 7, 2011 at 9:10 am
What would have been more convinsing if they had named these? Croshetted (or what ever, VIRKATUT KORUT! prkele….) Rings or or something…. But gloveless mittens? or what ever…. condoms for your fingers! yay!