POLL RESULTS
The other day, I asked you to predict the hottest Etsy trend of 2011.
And there better be one. Etsy needs mustaches on sticks and silkscreened owls on granny panties if they want your sweet, sweet listing fees. But what will it be this time?
To answer the burning question, I posted a poll with the stupidest things I could think of. Sadly, many of them seem completely plausible, and will probably be smeared all over the pages of Etsy in the coming year. But if you’d rather wait, I’m sure they’ll be stinking up Anthropologie and Hot Topic in 2012.
Here are the top vote getters:
There was also an “OTHER” option, allowing you, the educated reader, to drunkenly mash the keys until you crapped out something resembling content. Which coincidentally, is my business model.
Here are the best of your suggestions:
By the way, if any of you actually make one of these things, send me a picture and I’ll send you a valuable gift!*
*worthless piece of shit
December 3, 2010 at 12:18 pm
If I send a painting of a dog dressed as a starlet wearing post-it pasties and a clitoris tassel, can I have three valuable gifts?
December 3, 2010 at 12:23 pm
All those were sent in by Regretsians????
I knew there was a reason i love you guys.
December 3, 2010 at 12:24 pm
I smell a contest.
December 3, 2010 at 12:53 pm
#3 pantsmonkey: Oh, yeah… a contest. THAT’S what you’re smelling.
What?
December 3, 2010 at 12:55 pm
i posted Jesus Ponies….where’s my worthless piece of crap, or what do i need to do to obtain this magical honor?
December 3, 2010 at 1:12 pm
As soon as I saw the “paintings of dogs dressed as ’50s starlets” one, I was like OMG I TOTALLY HAVE TO DO THAT! And I hadn’t even gotten to the part about the free gift yet! Maybe that’s lame! I have no idea because I was born without a “social acceptability” filter! I’m so excited I can’t stop using exclamation marks!
December 3, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Jane Jack Russell!
Wiemaraner Monroe!
Elizabeth Terrier! (was Liz Taylor from the ’50s?)
December 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm
This is a to do list!
December 3, 2010 at 1:27 pm
how do i send you a picture? i submitted the jesus ponies
December 3, 2010 at 1:50 pm
This is a contest I’d totally enter, but I just don’t know how to decide between post-it pasties and upcycled chopstick clothing.
December 3, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Big Butter Jesus is a real thing!! Just outside Cincinnati, Ohio, on the I75 was a church with a giant (and I mean giant) jesus sculpture made of foam… It totally looked like butter, and some local singer made a song about it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq01UYiMyHg
Ironically, it burnt down when it was struck by lightning 6 months ago…. It didn’t have a chance, being made of foam and all…
December 3, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Oh my, now I’m contemplating looking up pictures of Chinese junks to see if I can make a model of one from my trash. I’d think that would qualify, right?
December 3, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Oh man, now I *really* want to make a clitoris tassel.
With bells.
December 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm
#3 pantsmonkey, I think that might actually be the vintage tampon quilt batting that you’re smelling.
December 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm
You heard it here first, folks.
December 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm
I love that the Viking Glam percentage was 10.66%. A little Battle of Stamford Bridge synchronicity?
December 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I greatly desire Viking Glam. This is not a joke. I am a Viking re-enactor and Medieval Studies graduate student specializing in Norse studies. I am also a fabulous bitch. Dear Odin, if Viking glam becomes a thing, I will be its spokesperson. I need your help, Regretsy.
December 3, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Ok people, to your sewing-machines!!
Or not.
December 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm
I hope fake shart counts. I don’t go into work at the nursing home until Sunday, so I’m fresh out of dirty diapers.
December 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm
um…. extreme restraint (which I’m not linking to as it would scar you forever) has clit bells, aren’t they close enough to tassels?
December 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Drats. I hoped my “backwards hoodie marketed as a cowl neck” would make the cut. I also wrote another thing, but I forgot what it was, so I’m just going to have to assume it was way better than any of these.
December 3, 2010 at 4:53 pm
God-fucking-dammit HK. I managed to resist this bullshit for a whole year, but you managed to pull me in with Viking *Glam* feather grills. Mother fuckit.
December 3, 2010 at 5:22 pm
No 6 SheSaidPop: Thou Shalt Know Thy Liz Taylor filmography! Father of the Bride (1950) A Place in the Sun (1951), Quo Vadis (1951), Giant (1956), Cat On a Hot Tin Roof (1958), Suddenly Last Summer (1959)… for a start. Love the names, can’t wait to see the paintings.
Clitoris tassels FTW!
Although I think I might attempt to crochet myself a wig-wearing deer hood ornament. Have to finish the “erotic priest” first, though.
December 3, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I think I may have to knit myself some Viking Glam. If I knew exactly what that was.
December 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Surely one of the artists among us can bedazzle a Viking?
January 29, 2012 at 9:34 pm
I would rather bedazzle than Vajazzle.
December 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm
PETA beat you to ridiculous TSA bodyscan stuff.
http://i.imgur.com/ZfrtT.jpg
and apparently couldn’t spring for buying that model a bra that fit. That or the bra is made of gloves…
and don’t you tempt me with that Mother’s Day entrails… I already have 2 of the 3 items on Etsy tagged with “entrails”. I already have the largest share of the entrail market!
December 3, 2010 at 6:42 pm
I would totally buy Tudor cutlery.
December 3, 2010 at 7:10 pm
#17 The Often-Crappy Crafter:
Thanks! I’ve actually seen Giant and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (and Butterfield 8, too!) but I couldn’t remember what years they came out.
My mental block re: timelines also applies to my own life, btw. God forbid I’m ever a suspect in a murder case because if a cop asked me “where were you on the night of December 4th?” I’d be like “Uh…wait, I know this…ummmmm…uh…”
December 3, 2010 at 7:17 pm
I knew I shouldn’t have thrown out those stale tortillas and taco shells when I cleaned out the pantry!
*Off to locate the Halloween skull and wrangle a cat. Will have to hit Michaels, though…I live in a glitter-free house.
December 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Viking Glam is definitely hot, I need to create some regretsy-worthy Viking crap to market to this crowd! http://www.facebook.com/#!/WarriorDash
December 3, 2010 at 8:06 pm
That list was friggin inspiring!! I am so done with making jewelry and I’ve been trying to find my new niche. I plan on starting by making all of these before christmas and seeing what feels the most natural being created by my craftin hands!!!
Who’s with me? Etsy needs some shakin up!
December 3, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Clit tassels?
http://www.nipplebling.com/Genital_Jewelry.htm
Now, how long before those not remotely handmade darlings show up on Etsy?
December 3, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Oh my fucking gods. I laughed so much reading this list out loud to my husband that I hurt myself.
Never have random words been put together in funnier a fashion.
And I just realized I have a dozen wax skull candles lined up in my basement over my washing machine, just waiting to be turned into cat fascinators.
December 4, 2010 at 5:57 am
@ 5
If you make a Elizabeth Terrier I am hereby compelled to give you money for it.
December 4, 2010 at 9:14 am
And all this time I thought the giant crack in the ceiling was just a sign my house was splitting in half–now I know I need to get out the camera and start cranking out the overpriced art prints.
December 4, 2010 at 12:09 pm
There’s already an artist making clitoris tassels. Look up Sylvie Monthule, and peruse her catalog…
(NSFW)
December 4, 2010 at 1:00 pm
‘Gloves that are just fingers’ has kinda-sorta been done. Go to youtube, search for ‘dir en grey obscure’ (I would post a link, but youtube is blocked on work computer). Watch resulting music video; one of the guys in the band has them.
Also, sorry for giving you all deep mental issues after you watched that video. Especially if it was the uncensored one.
December 4, 2010 at 1:15 pm
apparentally venetian mimes are also real – from the sun-sentinel paper, 2001
i can only imagine the “pasta, ponies, and pride” aspect
Italian Fest offers activities for all ages
Expect plenty of pasta, ponies and pride on Sunday at Italian Fest at Calder Race Course, on Northwest 27th Avenue just south of County Line Road in north Miami-Dade County.
The cultural festival, which will run from noon to 5 p.m., will feature an Italian-style marketplace, Italian music, and Italian food and drink. The fare will include fresh pastas, sausage and peppers and Italian ices, plus wine and cheese tasting.
Performances will be by vocalist Tony Ventura, Venetian mimes, and the Masque de San Marcos Dancers. There also will be children’s pony rides and a petting zoo.
Grandstand admission is $2, and admission to the clubhouse is $4. Children 17 and younger accompanied by an adult will be admitted for free. Parking costs $2.
December 7, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Whoever submitted the cat fascinator comment, I hope you’re happy! I spat soda all over my new couch! Through my nose!
September 22, 2011 at 9:47 pm
btw, you’re welcome.
December 8, 2010 at 8:19 pm
I can’t stop lauging at “gloves that are just fingers.”
December 8, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Just one? Oh, I plan to make SEVERAL of these ideas. They’re hilarious! Who wouldn’t want to make a clit tassel or “mammy” pads.
December 9, 2010 at 10:06 am
Yay! “Fascinators for cats made from human skulls and glitter” was my submission
May 7, 2011 at 7:38 am
Pineapple shaped dildos, you say?
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/765813/pineapple_shaped_dildo/
http://www.edenfantasys.com/sex-toy-reviews/vibrators/g-spot-vibrator-eden-tropical-pineapple
http://chinagrabber.com/9-29-waterproof-pineapple-vibrator—dildos-and-dongs—sx-549.aspx
http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/437691582/BI_026029_Pineapple_set_sex_toys.html
http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/202036604/Pineapple_Rabbit_Sex_Toy.html
They do other fruits as well:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15378
Erm. Hi? I love this website, and have a legitimate reason for knowing a small amount about pineapple shaped dildos. (Blame the house-mate with the slightly disturbing love of pineapples.)