- Submitted by Kips

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I don’t know which is harder to believe: the acting or the idea that either of these people use condoms.

Taking your top off for no reason is the new duckface.

Nothing motivates me more to buy an unflattering pair of pants than a picture of some girl in dingy bra standing in a field.

Oh of course! I thought it meant “idiot with paint on her face wearing the same shitty bra as the girl in the field”, but my Mapudungun is a little rusty.

Here’s a great idea: put on your grandma’s panties and go take a picture in the woods with your tits hanging out. If you don’t sell the necklace, you can send the picture to your parents and see if they’ll pay a ransom.

When people are in the market for furniture, they like to see tits. Preferably more than one set. And they like to see suggestive BDSM imagery with lingerie and paddles. And maybe a little girl on girl action. I tried telling them that at Pottery Barn, but they asked me to leave.

A group of lovely and talented People have opened an Etsy store called Holiday Regrets. Everything there is handmade by Regretsy fans, and all proceeds benefit our Charity Fund.

I thought this was such a great idea, that I decided to make a few things myself. So at around 5:00 today, three of my pieces will be added to the inventory. And let me tell you, they suck out loud.

Please enjoy this sneak peek of one of my creations. I call it, Deranged Cardinals on a Snowy Pile of Craft.

Fantastic, isn’t it? I was going to put more stuff on it, but I burned every one of my fingers with the glue gun and I had to take a break.

Wired into the snow drift is an actual fairy wand (stick), covered with googly-eyed birds. Battery operated holiday lights adorn the top to give it that understated elegance, and the whole thing shits glitter everywhere. Lucky you!

My white wrap is not included in the sale. If you want the whole look, you’ll have to buy your own mattress pad.

These horrors and more await you at the Holiday Regrets store; the perfect place to buy a gift for someone you dislike.

If you’d like to donate a handmade item to the store, visit the Holiday Regrets Facebook page for information.