WTF Alchemy Request – tlhIngan maH Edition
Oh, It’s a pretty awesome Alchemy Request, all right. Only one thing could make it even better.
That’s right, I offered up the Regretsy community to make the music video for Achy Breaky Heart in Klingon, and we got the job!
How proud are you? A lot, I bet. You’re about to be part of a giant, interactive, holiday-themed musical clusterfuck, and you’re on the bottom!. It’s like Glee, only gayer!
Here’s how we’re going to do it.
Step 1: I’ve been in touch with one of the world’s foremost Klingon translators, who is going to make this translation 100% accurate. Then he’s going to make a guide track for us to work with, reading the lyrics in tempo to the song so we can pronounce everything properly.
Step 2: You are going to record yourself singing it, either on an mp3 or video, and we’re going to edit together a brilliant music video of the whole fucking mess, just in time for QI’lop.
Step 3: PROFIT
Next week, I’ll have the karaoke track for you, a guide track to work with, and footage of Billy Ray in concert (though I’m sure you already have that). Start thinking of your costume – I’d love to see some hand made Klingonabilia.
Has anyone made a Klingon Balaclava yet? JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE
November 19, 2010 at 9:38 am
Oh. My. FSM. This is gonna be awesome!
November 19, 2010 at 9:40 am
is this going to be like a “we are the world” or “do they know it’s christmas?” kind of effort?
b/c the grammy committee is always watching and they are a sucker for this kind of shit.
November 19, 2010 at 9:40 am
K’plaa!
November 19, 2010 at 9:41 am
BTW – billy ray looks totally natural a la klingon
November 19, 2010 at 9:42 am
THIS IS AMAZING! I am so excited!
November 19, 2010 at 9:42 am
That very well may be the ONLY way I could tolerate that song.
November 19, 2010 at 9:43 am
I’d better drag out that photo of me at the Geek Prom in a dress I made out of computer parts, next to a guy in full on Klingon garb.
November 19, 2010 at 9:45 am
Billy Ray’s Klingon forehead looks like a cock and balls. Pretty telling if you ask me.
November 19, 2010 at 9:48 am
I wish I could sing. Oh well, having my tonsils out can only make my voice better, right?
November 19, 2010 at 9:49 am
This is so geek-cool!
I knew going to all those star trek conventions would pay off someday!
November 19, 2010 at 9:52 am
omg, omg, omg, omg!
when do we start? do we start now? when do we start? I can’t wait!
November 19, 2010 at 9:52 am
Well I do declare… Christmas/Festivus/Whatever has come early this year!
November 19, 2010 at 9:56 am
I just kept reading this post, and it just kept getting more awesome.
November 19, 2010 at 9:57 am
Oh my, this is better than when a filker friend of mine turned an Edgar Allan Poe story into a country song using this tune. You didn’t find out the actual title of the song until the chorus, but if you were up on your Poe you sat there for the whole first verse thinking “No, he didn’t, he didn’t…” until he hit “Don’t you find the heart/The telly-taley heart…”
November 19, 2010 at 10:04 am
Pon Farr is Vulcan, not Klingon. I’m nerd enough to have to point that out, LOL. Other than that, this is probably the awesomest Alchemy request turned Regretsy project ever. I hope I can take part, but singing Achy Breaky Heart in any language and style is going to cause me some pain. Why couldn’t it have been something by AC/DC? AC/DC would probably work really well in Klingon. Now I have a mission of my own.
I know, I know. But Pon Farr was the only Star Trek related thing I could think of. Give me a Klingon holiday and I’ll swap it out. – HK
November 19, 2010 at 10:09 am
What is wrong with me when I still find Billy Ray attractive like that?
November 19, 2010 at 10:12 am
OMFG I can’t wait!!!!
November 19, 2010 at 10:12 am
they totally knew what they were doing when they picked April as the winning bidder…
November 19, 2010 at 10:15 am
So sorry everyone to interrupt the flow….feel free to dislike me but I have to do this and can’t figure out another way to reach this person
Terrywills: Do you have an audio of it? My husband is an English teacher and they just finished doing Poe. He would love to have a copy of that for his class…
November 19, 2010 at 10:18 am
DaH jaj ‘oH Qaq Dag Hegh!
(today is a good day to die)
November 19, 2010 at 10:19 am
Will mandolin and/or banjo be allowed on this track? My roommate and I want to bring in some extra instruments to make this just that much more hillbilly.
EVERYTHING is allowed. WE’RE KLINGONS DAMMIT – HK
November 19, 2010 at 10:22 am
Oh my goodness! I have been lurking for a long time, giggling to myself in my tiny office and hoping no one opens the door. Now I must participate! I am a clasically trained operatic singer and I MUST DO THIS. Thank-you so much!
November 19, 2010 at 10:23 am
No, no. The fact that it’s Achy Breaky Heart is what makes it so perfect.
November 19, 2010 at 10:31 am
This is the only major Klingon holiday I could find a reference to:
“tlhIngan Qummem”: Klingon major holiday (n) * which comes every tenth Klingon month. Like most Klingon holidays it is marked by much eating and drinking .
Sounds a bit like Xmas. Achy Breaky Heart should fit right in.
Done. Thank you. – HK
November 19, 2010 at 10:38 am
Okay, thaaat’s where he was inspired to grow that awful chin-hair freakishness… I thought I remembered seeing that on the old-school ’60s Klingons back in the day.
November 19, 2010 at 10:43 am
before I scrolled down and saw you got this, I was going to bid on it! LOL!!!
I am totally totally psyched to do this. I don’t know if I’ll have time to make a L’ursa costume, but I have a small action figure of Commander Sisko as a klingon that I have no problem “animating” in front of my webcam as I get everyone in the house to sing…
November 19, 2010 at 10:43 am
I don’t speak Klingon, but I sure as tlhIngan Qummem can’t wait to see this vid!
November 19, 2010 at 10:44 am
(If I could speak Klingon, I’d do a glam version.)
November 19, 2010 at 10:45 am
Sweet! Being that I am the 3rd best karaoke superstar in greater suburban north orange county, la habra, ca within a 2 block radius of a Chick-Fil-A franchise, I fully expect to be a featured singer on the track.
November 19, 2010 at 10:45 am
Klingon opera and Gaak FTW
November 19, 2010 at 10:47 am
If anyone is interested, there is a band from Portland called Stovokor, that performs dressed as Klingons, and sing in Klingon. You can find them on youtube. Fan-frakking-tastic.
November 19, 2010 at 10:48 am
My husband is bald (but always covers it with a bandanna… I wonder if I can talk him into letting me draw Klingon scalp lines on his head. He does a fantastic Michael Dorn imitation, too…
November 19, 2010 at 10:55 am
This is going to be epic.
And I have taken the liberty of forwarding this request to the most talented electronic/pop band in Cleveland, my dear friends http://www.missile-command.net/
This must happen…
November 19, 2010 at 11:00 am
Do you think it would provide added flare if I wore my Enterprise butt plug while recording?
November 19, 2010 at 11:01 am
OMFG. Yes. I shall offer up to Regretsy my talents as a professional opera singer for this. Enjoy. A la Puccini, Achy Breaky Heart.
This my friends, is the answer to life.
November 19, 2010 at 11:03 am
Buzzkill – Are you married to Brett Michaels?!?
November 19, 2010 at 11:10 am
It is a good day to mix.
November 19, 2010 at 11:22 am
This is BUTT FUCKING AWESOME!
November 19, 2010 at 11:46 am
I think I just had a regasm. This will be amazing.
November 19, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Every single needs a “b-side” and what better “b-side” to a Klingon “Ackey Breaky Heart” than a Klingon “Macho Man”? Or would that just be uber redundant? C’mon and do this one too as a Christmas present to the buyer!
November 19, 2010 at 12:08 pm
April, if you weren’t already engaged, I think this post would have me considering a divorce and sex-change operation just so I could propose.
November 19, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I am proud to say I’ve never heard this song, but am breathlessly waiting to hear the Klingon version!
November 19, 2010 at 12:14 pm
@41, does that mean you would need to have an Addadictomy?
November 19, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Make it so!
November 19, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I look forward to this; the song really is much better in the original Klingon.
November 19, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Oh April, you had me at “one of the world’s foremost Klingon translators.”
November 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Leeloo – No.
November 19, 2010 at 12:45 pm
this is just so fabulous. I can’t wait!
November 19, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Perfect for Diversity Day.
November 19, 2010 at 1:01 pm
tlhIngan Qummem isn’t a holiday, it’s a website by qeSan (http://www.btinternet.com/~qesan/). Qummem is a made up word made from Qum – to communicate and mem – catalog.
Don’t know where you guys are getting it as a holiday. The only Klingon holidays we know about are:
One which comes every tenth Klingon month is QI’lop. QI’lop celebrates the superiority of the Klingon military.
Another well known holiday is Empire Union Day, which comes in the third month. It celebrates the honor of Kahless the Unforgettable, who united the Klingon Homeworld.
There is also the Day of Honor that some fans celebrate.
Fine! I’ll change it. You purists are killing me. HK
November 19, 2010 at 1:14 pm
I knew we had talent in the Regretsy Peanut Gallery, but opera singers? You rock, so to speak!
November 19, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Oh man. My misspent youth of vocal lessons and Star Trek marathons is about to pay off… And I’m pretty sure my neighbor has a Balaclava
November 19, 2010 at 1:52 pm
I once made my friend into a Klingon using scar putty. Perhaps it’s time to whip out the special effects make-up again
This is great!
November 19, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Too bad they didn’t request a video of the song. Because line dancing Klingons would have just been beyond spectacular.
November 19, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I read this, and splooged. I think I got Qummem on my tlhIngan. Shower time!
November 19, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Knittin Kitten-Somebody so needs to make a video of that.
November 19, 2010 at 3:17 pm
What an awesome project for us all! While we wait for the final, scholarly translated lyrics, here’s a site to brush up on your Klingon.
http://sites.google.com/a/klingonword.org/klv/klingon-translator-and-dictionary
yIn tIq ‘ej chep
November 19, 2010 at 3:38 pm
I just have to ask, is David Lynch going to direct the video? That would be appropriate on SO MANY levels!!!
November 19, 2010 at 5:30 pm
You’d have to fight me for her, whimsiclesthenics. In other words, you light up my life, HK. And not only with a branch on a hat.
I’m so excited I could just SPIT!
November 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm
This is too effing awesome. I wish I still fit into my Counselor Troi costume. And I’d love to hear the Poe song, too.
And we have opera singers amongst us! Luvs me some Puccini. Although now I’m seeing a Klingon singing ‘Che gelida manina’ in Klingon.
I keep meaning to learn to swear in Klingon.
November 19, 2010 at 6:39 pm
@Qurgh-apologies for the mistake!
November 19, 2010 at 11:20 pm
I seriously think this guy needs to get in on the action – balance out the opera with some authentic Klingon rap http://www.klenginem.de/e/home.html
November 20, 2010 at 10:58 am
COOL! This is crazy! Lol
November 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm
I’m not sure which is most enthralling to me — the request and its being fulfilled, or that the world not only has Klingon translators but has enough for there to be a standard of ‘foremost’.
November 20, 2010 at 6:18 pm
Longtime follower, de-lurking to say how excited I am for this. I minored in vocal performance and have been a Trekkie since my youth, so this is right up my alley.
I don’t have any Klingon garb, but I will dress up as a (multilingual) Vulcan to record this. My face will surely show no emotion while singing.
November 21, 2010 at 11:23 am
I. AM. SO. EXCITED.
It’s like hitrecord.org, only with less Joseph Gordon-Levitt (bless that sexy man) and more whimsicle fuckery!
November 21, 2010 at 10:48 pm
#19, sorry to take so long…here’s a link to the words: http://www.tomsmithonline.com/lyrics/telly_taley_heart.htm
Feel free to check out the rest of the stuff on that site…Tom Smith is addicting, especially if you like science fiction and puns.
November 22, 2010 at 7:35 am
Oh this is so fucking cool i’m gonna wet my pants with glee. Speaking of Glee, maybe we’ll inspire a Klingon episode!
November 22, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I’ve had to come out from lurking in the shadows to say how much this makes me tingle in my secret places. If I didn’t have children to herd I’d definitely be making a ridged balaclava. Even without my contribution this is going to be spectacular. God Bless you HK!
November 22, 2010 at 2:43 pm
If there was ever any doubt that you totally rule…
November 23, 2010 at 10:39 pm
I am SO in on this. While I am not professionally trained, or anything, my voice is half-decent. Also, I love ridiculous karaoke, and this is JUST THE BEST.
November 24, 2010 at 12:54 pm
When do we get the track, I cannot wait!
December 1, 2010 at 4:26 pm
I had to register for an account just to express how excited I am by this. As soon as I have the words (and maybe a key?) I’ll be belting it out into my camera.
Awesome!
December 2, 2010 at 9:39 am
@71 – You go, Marlo!!! And enjoy the Drescher show!
Froehliche Hanukkah!
Ms. K – no lyric yet?? Thanks!
December 5, 2010 at 10:16 pm
If you let me join in, I give you full permission to make fun of my Klingon cross-stitch projects (once I get them into my shop)!
December 9, 2010 at 8:46 pm
*bounce bounce bounce*
when will the world’s foremost Klingon translators be done?
soon?
please?
I’m really looking forward to this
December 28, 2010 at 10:27 am
What’s the status on this request? I also am looking forward to hearing it. Woot woot woot.
August 8, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Whatever happened to this?? I’ve searched high and low for the outcome of this glorious request to no avail. Are we never to be blessed with what can only be the greatest musical fuckery ever imagined, or am I just a total noob and unable to find the post? Please advise, dear Regretsians!
August 9, 2011 at 12:23 am
Weirdness of weirdness… I literally came across this at the exact same time as francesspoon… and was wondering the same thing. Holy crap that’s odd. I had to register, which I’m normally way too lazy to do, to point out how freakin weird this was.