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CALL 911 IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

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64 comments on CALL 911 IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

  1. rptwinkie
    November 11, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    I <3 Dr. Venture…. and i think that captures his moment completely.

    Thumb up Thumb down +42

  2. Portmandont
    November 11, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    I’m sure there is a Charlie the Unicorn out there who would proudly display this on his mantelpiece.

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

  3. dementeddes
    November 11, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting someone a threat. Poor Dr. Venture’s kidney…

    Thumb up Thumb down +40

  4. Chrisnyc1213
    November 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    So, it’s a body bag on ice?

    Thumb up Thumb down +50

  5. Portmandont
    November 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Alternatively, can’t you just imagine being served breakfast in bed with THIS tray the morning after giving birth? I can’t think of a better way to remember your iced water birth! Magical.

    Thumb up Thumb down +42

  6. repoed2
    November 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    She’s giving birth, so it’s probably not the best time to tell her her boobs are lopsided…

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

  7. singram
    November 11, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    If you gave this to a pregnant woman she would throw it at you since every pregnant woman dreams of sleeping in a bed of ice. Hormones make you HOT!!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  8. BettyMachete
    November 11, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Great for fantasizing about falling on a glass door…

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  9. Dix
    November 11, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks that looks like a putrefying corpse hidden in the bathtub by her misfit son, who wanted her Social Security checks?

    Thumb up Thumb down +131

  10. hamoza
    November 11, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I have cramps just looking at it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  11. BettyMachete
    November 11, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    mmm, sushi!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  12. Snargasm
    November 11, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    It looks like she’s in one of those latex fetish suits after a scene gone wrong, being kept on ice while her partner figures out what to do with the body. The pregnancy bit is just for added kink.

    Thumb up Thumb down +156

  13. Stretch65: a Steampunk Dildomixologist
    November 11, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Looks more like lying in a bathtub after a plugged in hair dryer has fallen in…

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  14. freckleyredhead
    November 11, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    For all these years I thought Han Solo was a man . . .

    Thumb up Thumb down +55

  15. Chrisnyc1213
    November 11, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    From the listing: “Also not recommended for food use, though i dont know why you would.”

    Oh, something tells me she’d find a reason.

    Thumb up Thumb down +34

  16. HelenaHandbasket
    November 11, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    For the love of God, woman, SAFE WORD!

    Thumb up Thumb down +152

  17. Bats in the Belfry
    November 11, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    all i can see is the scene from Silence of the Lambs when Jody Foster stumbles on the old lady melting in the bathtub in the basement…

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  18. knittin-kitten
    November 11, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Some kinks should really be kept to oneself.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  19. flare
    November 11, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    reminds me of an Episode of CSI…

    “Hope the killer of this one comes clean…”

    (puts on sunglasses)

    “YYYEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +43

  20. EmilyStranger
    November 11, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Forget the bathtub FULL OF GLASS, let’s focus on the blue “Batgina” pendant with fangs that’s in her shop. It is artfully covering up what I think is an orchids with centerpiece juggalo tattoo.
    Priceless! <3

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  21. knittin-kitten
    November 11, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    @emilystranger-let’s not forget to mention the vagina hair clips. With wings. And tentacles.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  22. Calophi
    November 11, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    Haha, Venture Bros is exactly what I thought of when I saw that picture!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  23. hamoza
    November 11, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    From the womb straight to the tomb.Wheeeee.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  24. GoNutsforDoNuts
    November 11, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    What the hell?! How did I miss the zentai-on-ice option at the hospital when I had my daughter?! I feel ripped off.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  25. GoNutsforDoNuts
    November 11, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    As for food use, take the pregnant chick out and put some beer in there.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  26. ginntonique
    November 11, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Well, when a mummy gimp and a daddy gimp love each other very much…

    Thumb up Thumb down +55

  27. DamnitsGlam
    November 11, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    All it needs is some yellow Crime Scene tape.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  28. steviesegel
    November 11, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    I didn’t know The Machine’s wife was expecting??

    ( in case you’re unclear on the reference: http://sfist.com/2010/11/03/who_is_the_machine.php )

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  29. WhyLikeThis
    November 11, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    another day, another exotic incurable psychological disorder i didn’t want to find out about

    where the hell is my teddy bear? it has my whiskey stashed in it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

  30. Sid Spacegoat
    November 11, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    This object would definitely bring a special ambiance to your pregnancy. But you can get the same kind of wonderful from watching Eraserhead whilst preggers. I did. Cost me much less than $32.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  31. ratatatboomandallthosenoises
    November 11, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Han Solo has really let himself go…

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  32. SueR
    November 11, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    My favorite thing from the listing, also:

    “Also not recommended for food use, though i dont know why you would.”

    You’ve made a dead-appearing pregnant woman in a bathtub full of ice and you’re questioning someone’s potential use of such an object? Hmmmmmm.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  33. SueR
    November 11, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -8

  34. knittin-kitten
    November 11, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    @SueR-a gauge is the SIZE of the earring, not the actual earring. (Example: my ears have been stretched and I now can wear a 2 gauge earring in each ear.) For some reason people have started calling the earrings themselves gauges. Not sure how that happened.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  35. Mrs. V
    November 11, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    O.M.G. 1 million points for the Doc Venture pic. <3

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  36. KibblesNBits
    November 11, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Please tell me this is an effing ashtray. Pregnant Woman on Ice w/ Kidneys Removed ashtray. That should be the very definition of “conversation piece.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  37. Badger
    November 11, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    All I can think of when I look at this is a news story I once read about a pregnant woman whose psychotic neighbor wanted a baby so bad she killed her and cut the child out of her womb.

    And yes, she did the procedure after putting the body in the bath tube.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  38. Nico
    November 11, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    To be fair, this does bring to mind the last trimester, when you feel as though you’re being both smothered by Glad bags, and frozen by bathtub glaciers. Or, at least wish you were, once your due date passes, and every person you know keeps calling your house making “‘zat baby campin’ out?!” jokes.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  39. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    November 11, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    As an active snopester, I have to say I’m quite pleased with the urban legend being represented here.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  40. fiberman
    November 11, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Am I the only one who looked at this and thought, “It looks like a frog in a dissection tray, only with a pregnant lady in a latex fetish suit?”

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  41. iamforart
    November 11, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Oh for fuck’s sake.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  42. whimsiclevagina
    November 11, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    I am determined to convince my husband that we need a Regretsy collection in our new apartment. Nothing says “Welcome Home” like a pregnant lady in latex…taking an ice bath.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  43. butts lol
    November 11, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Hey, anyone see that Choose Life wire coat hanger anywhere?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  44. KenriH
    November 11, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Black Ophelia?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  45. thewhiterabbitaz
    November 11, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    The fact that you included a screenshot from the Venture Bros. in this post makes me so incredibly happy. I would say something like “Best episode ever!!!” but I feel that way about almost every single episode I see.

    Also, love the black bloated body in an icy bathtub.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  46. dwg
    November 11, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I’m thinking more like placenta sculpture try.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  47. HermesGoddess
    November 11, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    I honestly cannot even comprehend why this would be a “good” pregnancy gift. It’s fucking TERRIFYING! Honestly! Like, I would think this is a great gift for someone who’s really into horror movies and urban legends and the like…but giving this to a hormonal pregnant woman who probably already feels insecure and frightened and not that great about her body? That’s just asking to get your face punched off.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  48. ilovetrash
    November 11, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    [#33] SueR : I also need “Gauges” explained. They’re earrings? Why are they called that?

    they’re the various widths of wire used to make the earrings {etc & ect}.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  49. ilovetrash
    November 11, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    edi note:

    i wrote the abovenoted response before i saw that the question had already & immediately been answered.

    it’s evolving language, very interesting. the twists & turns from wire widths to the widths of ear- rings & plugs has taken only a few years. i didnt know.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  50. fallingforpieces
    November 12, 2010 at 5:07 am

    She made this in 09 according to the very professional scratching on the back shot, I can’t understand why it hasn’t flown out of her store…

    Also, the description on her “Sunshine and Daisy Vagina Pendant” is to die for…

    “Oh Vaginas. ♥
    This one was just a tester to see how i liked the style… not quite sure yet. Let me know how you feel! Convo me!”

    I feel like I don’t know why the F*** you put a human vagina on a daisy and then made it into a necklace. But I didn’t convo her that.

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/52175350/sunshine-and-daisies-vagina-pendant

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  51. Thenutmeg2000
    November 12, 2010 at 7:50 am

    Did anyone else notice she was in Lancaster County, PA? Is this what happens when the Amish leave the farm and get into the real world? Everyone on the farm was trying to keep those Urban Legends hush hush until this little gem showed up.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  52. hotdogs
    November 12, 2010 at 7:57 am

    oh shit son, right in time for Thanksgiving!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  53. Stretch65: a Steampunk Dildomixologist
    November 12, 2010 at 7:59 am

    #28 REGRETSY come for the whimsicle fuckery – get updates on pop culture WIN-WIN WHIN

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  54. freckleyredhead
    November 12, 2010 at 8:23 am

    OK, which one of you doufuses bought this? ‘Fess up!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  55. EverMind
    November 12, 2010 at 8:38 am

    !!! I LOVE her Batgina Pendant!

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/51721991/blue-batgina-mature

    This seller wins!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  56. spacedog
    November 12, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Serving tray?! Just don’t ask what’s in the lasagna.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  57. knittin-kitten
    November 12, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    With all these tentacled and winged vaginas in her store, I”m thinking someone really like Cthulu

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  58. StinkBait
    November 12, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Props for the Venture Brothers plug.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  59. raven
    November 13, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Adventures in pregnant BSDM……..

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  60. purple_peacock
    November 13, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Dexter’s not being as careful as usual…

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  61. suzyactiondoll
    November 15, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I go to a hockey game and I never see the tragic Zamboni accidents.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  62. caffeinekitten
    December 1, 2010 at 7:06 am

    NOOOOOO~ As a mum, I can tell you that this would NOT make a pregnant woman happy! If I’d received it, I’d think the gifter is trying to curse me or trying to hint that I should lie down and die.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  63. KITSUNE (=^w^=)///>
    May 26, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    This really looks like something from one of those creepy outer space movies where aliens stalk people, and the protags stumble across some horrifying evidence of it, like a bunch of gruesome bodies…

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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