Three Terrible Celebrity Portraits
Some Like it Sloth
I keep on waiting for this picture to change.
I’ve never seen Bowie in concert, but I hear the part where he wears Spock ears and shoots milk out of his nose is electrifying.
58 comments on Three Terrible Celebrity Portraits
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November 9, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Somewhere in the great beyond, Jon Gnagy is weeping.
(I used to have one of his “Learn to be an Artist” kits. Yes, I’m showing my age.)
November 9, 2010 at 4:03 pm
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November 9, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Halloween is over – why the crap did they turn Marilyn into a zombie??!
November 9, 2010 at 4:06 pm
#2 is a really good Steve Buscemi, IMO.
November 9, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Oh sweet, Anna Nicole Smith!
November 9, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Bowie is shooting milk out of his nose? I thought that was cocaine.
November 9, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Is this like that ad you see on some sites, where they “blend” two people to get a picture of how their baby would look? The first one is Marilyn and Mr. Ed. Second, John Mayer and Frieda Kahlo. Third, Bowie and Mr. Spock.
November 9, 2010 at 4:09 pm
It looks like you have prepared a sort of narrative for us.
The first portrait is of the ugly chick neither John mayer nor David Bowie would sleep with…So they turn to each other, hence portrait three. Which lead to the black eye John is sporting in portrait two.
Am I reading into this too much?
Yes, but it’s the closest to a concept I’ve seen here in a while, so I say go with it. – HK
November 9, 2010 at 4:12 pm
You know – I *have* seen David Bowie in concert. I must have missed the part with the spock ears and milk explosion. Damn bladder.
November 9, 2010 at 4:13 pm
I was trying to guess who they were before reading the title, and… don’t hate me, Killer, but I guessed the third one was David Caruso.
November 9, 2010 at 4:14 pm
I’ll bet John Mayer would be pissed to see himself portrayed as having such dark skin……
November 9, 2010 at 4:15 pm
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November 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm
hey is the third painting bowies soul fleeing in terror at what the artist made?
November 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Winnie Cooper in a wig, Angelina Jolie’s brother, and Keith Richards.
Did I guess right?
November 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm
#12 No, It’s Keith Richards snorting his father’s ghost.
November 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm
There’s an urgent need here for a dentist, an orthopedist and a respiratory therapist.
These poor folk have been through a lot of chchchchanges & now they all look like a bunch of retards.
November 9, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Helen, I’m a tad disappointed you didn’t go for a zombie David Caruso reference.
November 9, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Bowie looks like Godzilla ………….
November 9, 2010 at 4:29 pm
These are all perfect for the person with wallspace above an ugly couch.
November 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm
#18, you mean the BLIND person with wallspace above an ugly couch.
November 9, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Why does “Marilyn/Anna Nichole/Lindsey-Lohan-when-she-was-a-blond” only have one boob??
November 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm
plastic surgery is not something you ought to scrimp on, ever!
November 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm
It looked for a second that Bowie has a cup of coffee in his hand and he’s spitting it out all over the monitor of his computer, like I just did…
November 9, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Hmm, I thought Marilyn had pretty big tits. This one looks like someone let the air out of the lefty.
November 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm
I’m still laughing over “Angelina Jolie’s brother” – HA! Spot on, Kibbles.
November 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm
No lie, when I saw the thumbnail on Facebook, I thought “That’s not a completely terrible Old Farrah painting.” Then “some like it sloth” clicked.
November 9, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Huh. Didn’t know Bowie had lobster claws. I learn so much here.
November 9, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Was someone who looks vaguely like Bowie exhumed for this portrait?
November 9, 2010 at 5:36 pm
Gesundheit, David.
November 9, 2010 at 6:29 pm
I thought I saw a third eye in that curl on top of Marilyn’s forehead, and thought “this is interestingly off-kilter.”
Then I realized it was just a bad painting.
Is Bowie kissing the ghost of a polar bear, thus expressing the painter’s despair over wildlife habitat loss? Nah, didn’t think so.
November 9, 2010 at 6:38 pm
Come on…Clearly the second guy is Marc Anthony…
November 9, 2010 at 6:41 pm
The best one can think is at least they’re ridding their spare room of clutter. The prices strike me as wishful thinking, however.
November 9, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Marilyn has Apert’s syndrome.
November 9, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Here’s what I’m seeing:
http://i990.photobucket.com/albums/af28/sunshynegrll/ArtInterpretation.jpg
Picture #1: Sexy Shirley Temple (I’m so sorry)
Picture #2: Adam Ant
Picture #3: (raven is correct) Bowie Takes Tokyo By Storm – Japan Tour ’76
November 9, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Are these painted with his feet? I don’t understand.
November 9, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Just so I understand the value system:
Red-headed Yoda getting kissed by Falkor > Marc Antony with a Stevie Ray Vaughn Tattoo > Transsexual Sloth
I guess I can see that.
November 9, 2010 at 7:58 pm
I take that first one back. It DOES look like David Caruso. Being kissed by Falkor.
November 9, 2010 at 7:58 pm
1. I don’t recall MM having that severe an overbite.
Though I will admit it’s been a while…
2. Looks like roughly 99.9% of the young guys between the ages of 18-22 that hang out on my street.
3. I agree with #10. I thought it was David Caruso.
Though maybe that’s because I’m a Bowie fan, and my mind was rejecting the idea she’d managed to fuck-up my one of my favorite singers so badly.
Also, is that reddish thing at the bottom supposed to be his hand? Because it looks vaguely like a lobster claw.
November 9, 2010 at 8:00 pm
the Bowie “painting” looks as if he’s being sniffed by a ghost wolf.
Plus, Bowie in 76 still had long hair, didn’t he? I prefer to think of him back in his drag days (and also Labyrinth. With a smattering of Tesla thrown in).
November 9, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Poor Iman must have to put up with awful dragon breath.
November 9, 2010 at 9:30 pm
Gentlemen prefer pugs.
November 9, 2010 at 9:45 pm
So I’m the only one who thinks the first painting looks like Jon-Benet Ramsey?
November 9, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I didn’t know that Marilyn had a mastectomy. If those eyes were any more wide-set, she never would have been able to see her entire face in a mirror.
November 9, 2010 at 9:56 pm
I thought the second one looked like Sid Vicious.
November 10, 2010 at 12:53 am
i’m just going to level with you guys: i sort of think a little bit of spock is exactly what bowie was always missing.
November 10, 2010 at 2:11 am
Ok, now I have loads of fun ideas for next Hallowe’en! Zombie!Marilyn, assymetrical!Steve Buscemi and Vulcan!Caruso.
Cheers, mate!
November 10, 2010 at 2:29 am
Looks like John Mayer appropriated Jacko’s features before Jacko got swarovskied. Nose and eyes definitely and the position of the ears relative to tother features is downright freaky, no wonder Jacko always hid them behind his hair.
November 10, 2010 at 7:26 am
Thats CLEARLY Bowie circa ’78, prior to that he only squirted water. I’m disappointed in the historical accuracy to be honest.
November 10, 2010 at 10:22 am
I didn’t know Tara Reid did a Marilyn impersonation!
November 10, 2010 at 10:23 am
No, the first one is Kristen Stewart with her face bashed in. I don’t know about the other two.
November 10, 2010 at 11:14 am
The John Mayer print looks like a cross between Adam Ant and Billy Crystal…what do you think?
November 10, 2010 at 11:16 am
The title should be “Paintings of Celebrity Impersonators.”
November 10, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Never knew Marilyn to have a hair lip. And I guess David Bowie is blowing out the cocaine instead of ingesting it.
November 10, 2010 at 5:11 pm
#3 is from David Bowie’s short-lived “Heat Miser” persona.
November 11, 2010 at 7:05 am
As every rabid fan knows, this is an image from Bowie’s legendary ‘typo’ phase where he reprised his earlier personae. Here, as ‘the thin white puke’, the maestro explores his lactose intolerance. But wait … is this actually ‘Merlin’? Is Bowie slyly, ironically, sending up his fans’ uncritical adulation of him as a totemic wizard who oozes ectoplasm?
November 12, 2010 at 1:29 pm
I honestly thought #2 was Steve Buscemi until I scrolled down.
November 14, 2010 at 8:52 pm
MATH FOR JOHN MAYOR CHARCOAL:
http://jamiedubs.com/fuckflickr/data/brian%20peppers/thumb/brian-peppers-ohio-sex-offender.png
+
http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/hodgkins/rock3.jpg
=
THAT
September 28, 2011 at 10:58 am
HK, I love you for several reasons. But under the snark and great oral, you have a nice personality. If you ever get to Albuquerque, I’d love to take you out to lunch.
This post brought to you by Soma and hormones. The perfect combo when you see one of your role models doing something nice!