Seeing this I get a very vivid image of the two “things” rotating, which with the usage obviously intended to me looks uncomfortable to an unholy degree!
(Shudders)
Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
November 9, 2010 at 1:01 pm
I just finished rewatching Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” recently, and the first item listed here looks like he could be a character in the film (no, really – take a look! If the penis is his nose…)
Now all I can think of is that guy keeping Mrs Potts company in the kitchen…
In her own words:
The Masterbeater combines aspects of an art object, pleasure, and sexual innuendo, with the practicality of a tool that you can bake a cake with it, if you so desire.
At 50 years old, I thought I “knew stuff”. I’m a grandfather for goddssakes. But NOOOOOO. I also had to look up “Yiffy”. Thanks April, I am now closer to “full-on” perv, because of you.
Are there more attachments , like say a gay blade?
She labels herself a ‘cutting edge’ artist – true enough , just not in the way one would hope.
And is it too much to ask when showing tools of the skin trade, that they be somewhat clean & free of rust, grime & old food schmutz?
This isn’t art. This is no longer a working beater. Nor is it a usable dildo. It is neither clever nor funny nor thought provoking. It works on no level at all. I’m just puzzled, frankly. But now I know what yiffy means.
Oh no. This is worse than the time I accidentally clicked on lemonparty.org. I was going to make a cake this afternoon and now…now I have to use something that is not a mixer.
I’m having flashbacks of flipping through my grandma’s Fingerhut catalog and seeing an item called the “Personal Massager” which showed an elderly woman massaging her shoulder with a dildo. Only, I was young and innocent and didn’t know words like dildo but, somehow, I knew that was probably not what it was used for.
I’d love to meet this artist and slap her with her own craft.
#18 & #29, I too have had my vocabulary expanded through this website and had to go to the urban dictionary to look up ‘Yiffy’, but by it’s description I think it should be ‘Whiffy!!!
When I tell my friends these things they think I am looking up pervert sites all day!
I’m having visions of the Masterbeater, someone’s unfortunate labia, and a complete lack of explanation upon arriving at the emergency room. “I.. we… that is… fuck, just get this Godforsaken thing off me.”
Remind me never to visit Regresty when I’m peckish. Now I’m a combination of peckish and slightly disturbed – I’m pecksturbed. Not that it will stop me from eating, I’ll just avoid muffins for now.
There used to be a hot dog stand near where I work named Spunky’s.
I never ordered anything with mayo. Thank God. Now I know how Spunky’s got their spunk.
I wonder what’s the point of sticking a cheap dildo on a vintage beater…surely a Magic Wand with a silicone g-spot attachment would be a million times better for the intended purpose, not to mention it’d be cheaper, still keep that retro look, and might actually pass current UL standards.
Hand mixer? Anyone can make a sex toy out of a powered hand mixer.
I want to see someone make a functional sex toy out of a Kitchenaid stand mixer. Spinning attachment, rotates along a 5-inch wide orbit, AND has a raise/lower lever for plunging action. That’s a sex toy in all three dimensions, Baby!
yeah this is what our founding Etsy fathers had in mind for their artsy hand made site, and they have no one but themselves to blame….
@ #29 Blacksmith – I’m under 50 and I don’t know what Yiffy is, either, and I’m not going to try to find out. I’m still in therapy after googling “goatse.”
This looks like a horrible and embarrassing emergency room explanation waiting to happen… except, of course, no one would be dumb enough to actually use it.
On the other hand, a friend of mine once came this close [holds thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart] to castrating himself with a hand-held rechargeable vegetable slicer because he thought the ferociously sharp scimitar-shaped blade was just vibrating, not spinning at 2500 rpm.
So – it’s an art dildo? Does that mean I can’t even use it, I just have to keep it in a secure, climate-controlled environment when I’m not brandishing it at hipster conventions?
#6 well said…I can’t top that.
#8 OMG this person really does have a website – the link is gross – but really?
ART? She has a degree? REALLY? I realize art is subjective but what is this supposed to be saying? Her other “art” consists of putting food in her panties and snapping a picture. Almost as bad as the interpretive baby shit diapers, just less effort.
I’m still using a hand-me-down harvest gold mixer for its original purpose. I’m going to go promise it that when it finally dies it will not end up in the clutches of someone who’ll stick dildoes on it and call it art.
Probably because it’ll likely be charred and covered in fire extinguisher foam.
And I’m going to end up giggling madly in the baking aisle next time I see those little Jiffy boxes, aren’t I?
I was looking for some sort of cooking thing to get my friend for xmas on etsy, and was horrified when I found this… and immediately thought of regretsy.
Where the hell would you keep this? Next to the cookie jar??
#58-I recall reading a news story about a guy and his wife ending up in the ER after he thought it would be a cool idea to attach a dildo to one of his shop tools. The results were pretty much what you’d expect.
Apparently, some people really ARE that stupid.
At least I didn’t have to look up Yiffy, since I already knew what it means. But I am NOT googling the web site mentioned.
#67-Imagine how I feel. I’ve got one whole shelf in my kitchen devoted to Jiffy boxes. I may never be able to eat muffins again.
I would happily put this on display in my kitchen. But I can’t afford the $200 so it looks like I’m going to have to run to the thrift store and hunt for some reasonably priced dildos that I don’t mind destroying. I wonder if they just trimmed down the old beaters and then stuck them in a clone-a-willy kit like they were making homemade popsicles. There, I just saved you over $100.
@ 58 – I’m with you. Goatse was enough for me LOL. Not to mention I’ve got teens who use Google too and I don’t want anything showing up in the “autofill screen”.
November 9, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Things like this just baffle me. What kind of alien physiology/fetish do you have to have equipped in order to get off from a hand-mixer?
November 9, 2010 at 12:44 pm
My only concern is what happens if the Masterbeater gets all tangled in the big bush?
November 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Avacado is my favorite color! Too bad it is the color of the mixer and not the “beater”.
November 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm
I know what I am getting grandma for the holidays… It’s multifunctional and a collectible!
I know nothing mixes my batter better than a nice 8 inch dildo.
November 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Seeing this I get a very vivid image of the two “things” rotating, which with the usage obviously intended to me looks uncomfortable to an unholy degree!
(Shudders)
November 9, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Whip it. Whip it good.
November 9, 2010 at 12:49 pm
The bonus to this contraption is that less fights will ensue over who gets to lick the beater.
November 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 9, 2010 at 12:51 pm
The colours and design seems to be flirting with 50′s retro. Is this intended for the modern house-wife?
November 9, 2010 at 12:52 pm
It beats me what decor would be appropriate to display these pieces.
November 9, 2010 at 12:53 pm
MMMMM, just like mom used to make….
November 9, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Shaken, not stirred.
(though, possibly both)
November 9, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Teal masterbeater:when 2 heads are better than one.
November 9, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 9, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Next time someone calls me their little cupcake, I’m running for the hills….
November 9, 2010 at 12:58 pm
I’m not sure I understand… is this for baking or masturbating?
The latter makes my lady parts cry out in pain.
November 9, 2010 at 1:01 pm
I just finished rewatching Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” recently, and the first item listed here looks like he could be a character in the film (no, really – take a look! If the penis is his nose…)
Now all I can think of is that guy keeping Mrs Potts company in the kitchen…
November 9, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Yiffy that Stiffy. Once your married you don’t have to lick the beaters anymore.
November 9, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Also, this website is expanding my vocabulary in ways I would never have dreamed possible, even in my worst nightmares. (I went and looked up “yiffy”)
November 9, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Personally. I wouldn’t let that cuntraption get anywhere near my precious buns.
My bundt hole? maybe.
November 9, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I have to ask, is it steampunk?
It has cogs and wheels, and mechanical parts. And I’m pretty sure you’d want to wear goggles while using this.
November 9, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Is the double dick a great gift for cojoined twins or what? Okay, you may kill me now.
November 9, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 9, 2010 at 1:13 pm
When you want your yeasty recipes to really rise to the occasion…
Just can’t stop myself today, after severe withdrawal pains from yesterday.
November 9, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Yes – because masturbating & vintage electrical items go hand in hand…..
November 9, 2010 at 1:14 pm
For when your Duncan Hiney needs a bit more Betty Cocker.
November 9, 2010 at 1:15 pm
If someone tells you there’s egg on your face , it may not mean what you think…
November 9, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Y’know the ORIGINAL beaters work just fine.
Oh shit, did I just hit “Submit”?
November 9, 2010 at 1:25 pm
So, could one be accused of being a batterer if they pull this out ?
November 9, 2010 at 1:26 pm
At 50 years old, I thought I “knew stuff”. I’m a grandfather for goddssakes. But NOOOOOO. I also had to look up “Yiffy”. Thanks April, I am now closer to “full-on” perv, because of you.
November 9, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Really, if you’re going to use this for your Yiffy muffins, it needs to be combined with… special… toys from Bad Dragon.
I am not responsible for people googling that one. If you thought googling Yiffy was bad… You may wish to have brain bleach handy.
November 9, 2010 at 1:27 pm
And why does my avatar look like a huge green penis fucking a brain?
November 9, 2010 at 1:28 pm
I have no clever witticsm to share. I’m just sitting here, at work no less, with a look of horror permanently stamped on my face.
November 9, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Well, look at that. In my day, you had to beat it by hand and you never did get all the lumps out! What’ll they think up next?
November 9, 2010 at 1:41 pm
I’ll be buying one as a christmas gift.
… just as soon as i figure out who it’s worth $200 to have never speak to me again
November 9, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Personally, I would prefer a good old fork to this retro beater any day.
November 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm
If this tool is used, will it produce a bun in the oven?
November 9, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Martha Stewart’s new line of adult appliances – coming to an adult store near you!
November 9, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Are there more attachments , like say a gay blade?
She labels herself a ‘cutting edge’ artist – true enough , just not in the way one would hope.
And is it too much to ask when showing tools of the skin trade, that they be somewhat clean & free of rust, grime & old food schmutz?
November 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Going to whip yourself into a frenzy with this one.
November 9, 2010 at 2:02 pm
This isn’t art. This is no longer a working beater. Nor is it a usable dildo. It is neither clever nor funny nor thought provoking. It works on no level at all. I’m just puzzled, frankly. But now I know what yiffy means.
November 9, 2010 at 2:04 pm
I’m no expert on female physiology but isn’t anything over a continuous 200rpm injurious to a woman?
November 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Oh no. This is worse than the time I accidentally clicked on lemonparty.org. I was going to make a cake this afternoon and now…now I have to use something that is not a mixer.
November 9, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Here’s a tip: instead of googling words like “yiffy”, try urbandictionary.com. It doesn’t have pictures.
November 9, 2010 at 2:21 pm
#43, good advice. And boy do I feel like a perv; I *didn’t* have to do research to know what “yiffy” meant. I know weird people.
November 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm
Who the FCUK wants that thing rammed up their lady (or not) parts???? This is a torture device, not a masturbator!!
November 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I’m filing this under “D” for “Dil-DON’T”
I’m having flashbacks of flipping through my grandma’s Fingerhut catalog and seeing an item called the “Personal Massager” which showed an elderly woman massaging her shoulder with a dildo. Only, I was young and innocent and didn’t know words like dildo but, somehow, I knew that was probably not what it was used for.
I’d love to meet this artist and slap her with her own craft.
November 9, 2010 at 2:28 pm
#18 & #29, I too have had my vocabulary expanded through this website and had to go to the urban dictionary to look up ‘Yiffy’, but by it’s description I think it should be ‘Whiffy!!!
When I tell my friends these things they think I am looking up pervert sites all day!
November 9, 2010 at 2:51 pm
I’m having visions of the Masterbeater, someone’s unfortunate labia, and a complete lack of explanation upon arriving at the emergency room. “I.. we… that is… fuck, just get this Godforsaken thing off me.”
November 9, 2010 at 2:54 pm
$200 for a $15 dildo attached to a “collectible” beater whose motor is probably on the verge of giving out? Are they SERIOUS???
November 9, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Remind me never to visit Regresty when I’m peckish. Now I’m a combination of peckish and slightly disturbed – I’m pecksturbed. Not that it will stop me from eating, I’ll just avoid muffins for now.
November 9, 2010 at 3:01 pm
There used to be a hot dog stand near where I work named Spunky’s.
I never ordered anything with mayo. Thank God. Now I know how Spunky’s got their spunk.
November 9, 2010 at 3:04 pm
I wonder what’s the point of sticking a cheap dildo on a vintage beater…surely a Magic Wand with a silicone g-spot attachment would be a million times better for the intended purpose, not to mention it’d be cheaper, still keep that retro look, and might actually pass current UL standards.
November 9, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Yiffy -Is that the go to insta’ muffin brand for Yngve Fjiermstad?
November 9, 2010 at 3:17 pm
It’s not good art, it’s not good appliances, and it’s not even good porn.
You know. Kinda like “Caligula”.
November 9, 2010 at 3:20 pm
This would make a great addition to the “Personal Massagers” in the Fingerhut catalog.
Little known fact: Fingerhut’s motto is “helping old ladies get off without embarrassment since 1948″
November 9, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Hand mixer? Anyone can make a sex toy out of a powered hand mixer.
I want to see someone make a functional sex toy out of a Kitchenaid stand mixer. Spinning attachment, rotates along a 5-inch wide orbit, AND has a raise/lower lever for plunging action. That’s a sex toy in all three dimensions, Baby!
November 9, 2010 at 3:49 pm
yeah this is what our founding Etsy fathers had in mind for their artsy hand made site, and they have no one but themselves to blame….
@ #29 Blacksmith – I’m under 50 and I don’t know what Yiffy is, either, and I’m not going to try to find out. I’m still in therapy after googling “goatse.”
November 9, 2010 at 3:58 pm
This looks like a horrible and embarrassing emergency room explanation waiting to happen… except, of course, no one would be dumb enough to actually use it.
On the other hand, a friend of mine once came this close [holds thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart] to castrating himself with a hand-held rechargeable vegetable slicer because he thought the ferociously sharp scimitar-shaped blade was just vibrating, not spinning at 2500 rpm.
November 9, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Yiffy Pop, as fun to make as it is to …
No, I’m NOT GOING THERE.
November 9, 2010 at 4:04 pm
So – it’s an art dildo? Does that mean I can’t even use it, I just have to keep it in a secure, climate-controlled environment when I’m not brandishing it at hipster conventions?
November 9, 2010 at 4:05 pm
All I can focus on here is how bruised and battered someone’s perineum is going to be.
November 9, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 9, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm
ok now i am gonna run if someone tells me they whipped up something special in the kitchen
November 9, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Comes in handy for fresh whipped creme for your lady fingers & whoopie pies.
November 9, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Wait, are you actually supposed to use this thing? If so, is the second one for double penetration? OUCHHHH
November 9, 2010 at 5:36 pm
#6 well said…I can’t top that.
#8 OMG this person really does have a website – the link is gross – but really?
ART? She has a degree? REALLY? I realize art is subjective but what is this supposed to be saying? Her other “art” consists of putting food in her panties and snapping a picture. Almost as bad as the interpretive baby shit diapers, just less effort.
November 9, 2010 at 6:20 pm
I’m still using a hand-me-down harvest gold mixer for its original purpose. I’m going to go promise it that when it finally dies it will not end up in the clutches of someone who’ll stick dildoes on it and call it art.
Probably because it’ll likely be charred and covered in fire extinguisher foam.
And I’m going to end up giggling madly in the baking aisle next time I see those little Jiffy boxes, aren’t I?
November 9, 2010 at 7:16 pm
I was looking for some sort of cooking thing to get my friend for xmas on etsy, and was horrified when I found this… and immediately thought of regretsy.
Where the hell would you keep this? Next to the cookie jar??
This is why people hate vegans.
November 9, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
November 9, 2010 at 7:40 pm
#58-I recall reading a news story about a guy and his wife ending up in the ER after he thought it would be a cool idea to attach a dildo to one of his shop tools. The results were pretty much what you’d expect.
Apparently, some people really ARE that stupid.
At least I didn’t have to look up Yiffy, since I already knew what it means. But I am NOT googling the web site mentioned.
#67-Imagine how I feel. I’ve got one whole shelf in my kitchen devoted to Jiffy boxes. I may never be able to eat muffins again.
November 9, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Ooo! I can finally use that recipe for baby batter. It calls for “200 strokes by hand or 3 minutes with a rubber wang”.
November 9, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I don’t know how to feel about this, but it’s certainly not horny.
November 9, 2010 at 8:32 pm
I’m gonna need 1 cup of lube to use this.
November 9, 2010 at 9:42 pm
“you ain’t seen nothin’ till you’re down on a muffin
then you’re sure to be a-changin’ your ways”
November 9, 2010 at 10:20 pm
A must have when you want a really STIFF merange
November 9, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Somewhere in here there is a ‘lick the bowl’ joke…
November 10, 2010 at 12:54 am
i guess this is what they call *handmade*
November 10, 2010 at 4:24 am
All I can think of is The Brave Little Toaster and the horrible implications thereof.
November 10, 2010 at 8:53 am
I would happily put this on display in my kitchen. But I can’t afford the $200 so it looks like I’m going to have to run to the thrift store and hunt for some reasonably priced dildos that I don’t mind destroying. I wonder if they just trimmed down the old beaters and then stuck them in a clone-a-willy kit like they were making homemade popsicles. There, I just saved you over $100.
November 10, 2010 at 9:28 am
Hilarious! I could use them to whip my egg whites to stiff peaks!
November 10, 2010 at 10:15 am
If your penis or the penis of whoever you sleep with goes in circles, you should probably consult a doctor. Possibly a priest.
November 10, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I wonder if Bed Bath and Beyond has this available for their wedding registry?
November 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm
@ 58 – I’m with you. Goatse was enough for me LOL. Not to mention I’ve got teens who use Google too and I don’t want anything showing up in the “autofill screen”.
@ 43 – might I suggest brownies?
November 11, 2010 at 5:33 am
Figure out a way to attach a Fleshlight to it, and you have a bestseller.
November 17, 2010 at 4:11 am
How to ruin some nice vintage houseware
November 22, 2010 at 9:20 am
Well, I like it. It’s not the worst idea, really.
January 28, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Pure gold, AKA The Masterbeater Tutorial Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKi_KtD3t1k
April 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm
This is fucking cool.