If aliens are monitoring our internet transmissions, they probably think we steal clothes from nursing homes and worship Joy Behar.

All week long, we’ve been auctioning off hand knit balaclavas on Ebay to benefit Aidan Reed, a 5 year old Leukemia patient. All proceeds from these masks will go directly to Aidan’s family.

Click on any mask to see the Ebay listing. If the auction is still live, you can bid! If not you’ll be able to see how much it sold for.

Masks paid for today will ship tomorrow morning via Priority Mail for a Friday or Saturday delivery. Express overnight service is available for a slightly higher cost.

Auctions close every half hour until 7:30 PDT this evening.

Missed the auctions? You can still help Aidan’s family by:

Clicking here to visit Aidan’s Zazzle store, where we’ve put a selection of his monster drawings on everything from tote bags to T-shirts
Clicking here to visit Aidan’s Etsy store and buy his art work on buttons and pin backs
Making a cash donation via Paypal to Aidan’s family

Thanks for helping!

Well, here it is, our second Halloween together, and last year we didn’t do anything special. Well I mean we got drunk and turned out all the lights so the kids would think we weren’t home, but we do that every year.

No, what I mean is, we didn’t carve any pumpkins. And that doesn’t make any sense, because we have the most creative and talented readership on the internet, as far as I’m concerned. And if you doubt that, well then I guess you must have forgotten this.

In any case, we’re having a pumpkin carving contest this year, God damn it, and we’re going to have prizes and everything. Oh it may not be as festive as a Halloween party at Etsy, but you don’t have to wear a fascinator made out of a dead squirrel and a pocket watch. Well, unless you really want to.

RULES:

No Goatse pumpkins
No Rear Gear
No genitalia*

* Pumpkins do not have to be G rated. But Just making penises and vaginas is way too easy for you people, and we want to make this challenging.

All media are accepted. You may use anything at all to create your design, but you must incorporate an actual, edible pumpkin.

Photos of your pumpkins must be submitted by midnight PDT Thursday, October 28. Winners will be posted on Friday.

PRIZES:

If this contest is anything like the others, you will come up with a pantload of fabulous entries and I will be unable to decide on just a few winners. So I’m leaving it open as to how many pumpkins may win prizes.

However, there will be one Grand Prize winner, and they will receive the following:

- An autographed copy of the Regretsy book
- An embroidered panty liner bookmark by Hi Bird
- This balaclava
- A specially made Goatse inspired necklace by Priscilla’s Jewelry
- An original Denny Pinkham “Say What” painting
- A selection of 1970′s romance novels
- a handmade Huggies wipes dispenser using Regrets Dingleberry fabric, suitable for using in upscale restaurant bathrooms
- This Snark pillow by Creeplings
- A special Regretsy cat toy by Oh Boy Cat Toy
- A Boobicorn print by Kit Cameo
- And everything else in this box

Send your photos here

Good luck!