Pumpkin Winners!
PEDOBEAR by Christina
“At least one of my housemates loves this and insists we put this out on the porch for the trick-or-treaters. My other housemate kind of stared at me without saying anything and shut the door to his room.”
SPOCK FEEDING TIME by Jenni
THE WORLD FAMOUS CHILD CANDY-FEEDER HAT by Cathy
URL CELEBRATES HALLOWEEN by Julie
“Here is my pumpkin. It features Url presenting a milkymilky necklace to the Poncho Chicken.
P.C. is wearing the clown jar mask ’cause it’s Halloween.”
PUMPKIN BALACLAVA by Rae
“When this is all over, we plan on eating this fucker.”
WHAT? IT’S A PEACE SYMBOL by Katie
“My pumpkin is all about peace. Native American peace symbols, knit masks and namaste.”
And the number one grand prize winning pumpkin is . . .
HOUSE OF WHIMSICAL FUCKERY by Lacey
“Everything you see inside of this pumpkin was made by me, inspired by all of you whimsical fuckers. I made this happen in my drunken artistic ability.”
There is so much fuckery going on in this pumpkin I can’t even find all the references. I see the Edward and Bella flowerpots at the top, The Mother Of All 9/11 Posts, cut-out cat, the Halloween door, the teddy bear hanger with unfortunate hook placement, the God Box and I even see a nod to this hat contest entry.
On the clothesline, I see the shit-yourself shorts, the I love Kuntface T-shirt and the Regretsy anniversary shirt.
Inside, I see the gumball clown and the hamburger pillows, but I don’t know what the babies are on the couch. I’m also not sure what’s going on in front of the house. I recognize the lawn goose, but all the other stuff is a mystery to me. Let me know what you find.
This is really spectacular, as are all of the entries. I never cease to be amazed at the amount of effort you people put into these things. It’s mind boggling. If you worked this hard at getting a job, maybe you’d stop being such a drain on our society. Just putting that out there.
Over 60 of the best entries are now available for viewing in this Flickr set. Happy Halloween, and thanks to all who entered!
October 29, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I see the turtle urn! Totally awesome! =D
October 29, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Holy schmit, Lacey that is fucktacular!!! Awesome job guys!
October 29, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 29, 2010 at 4:36 pm
OMG Holy crap I won!!!!!! I will be sure to send pics of all of the stuff in “this box” because I’ve been seriously dying from curiosity….All of your pumpkins look great you guys!!! What a wonderfully creative group of people here
and thank you so much April, this was a freekin blast.
October 29, 2010 at 4:37 pm
OMG OMG OMG. April, thanks for accepting the bribe money to pick my bff for the Grand Prize, me for the candy hat-feeder win, and both of us for the hon. mention candy jar! These were TOTALLY worth the fifty thousand bucks. We cannot wait to see what’s in that damned box! We’re really hoping it’s a gold brick, to replace some of the $$$ we spent doing this crap, and the moments when we stood aiming carving knives at each other and threatening to never speak again! Seriously, though, fucking thank you!
October 29, 2010 at 4:39 pm
I am fond of the giant cowl on the lawn goose.
October 29, 2010 at 4:40 pm
The Pumpkin Balaclava also doubles as a severed snowman head. Nice.
October 29, 2010 at 4:43 pm
there is so much win here
October 29, 2010 at 4:43 pm
I vote to put pedobear on the porch!!
October 29, 2010 at 4:43 pm
The babies remind me of the Naked Mohawk Carrot Jockeys from Cake Wrecks.
Talented people we got here.
October 29, 2010 at 4:44 pm
OMFG the nunkin with the gourd titties !
October 29, 2010 at 4:50 pm
*blinks and stares in complete awe*
The wood pieces have angels in them, right? http://www.regretsy.com/2010/03/02/lumber-support/
And wrestling tigers out front? Awesome.
October 29, 2010 at 5:01 pm
These are Fanfreakintastic. My fave is the Whimsicle Fuckery pumpkin. Kudos to all!
October 29, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Whoa!
I just had another Regrestigasm.
October 29, 2010 at 5:13 pm
They were all awesome, but the grand prize winner is awesomesauce to Level 10! And is the cupcake thing on the top of the pumpkin supposed to be one of those stupid hats that are always on the front page?
Plus no one said anything about the unicorn shitting a rainbow, unless I missed it.
October 29, 2010 at 5:32 pm
I LOVE them all!! piss funny!
My favourite is pedobear coz my own kids frighten me when it comes to their greed for sweets on Halloween. Not that I want to see them put their hands near a pedobear but it is running through my head to want to know if they would be so silly enough as to put their hands into a pumpkin with a lit candle. (note: I say silly instead of stupid dumb asses as my girls are 17,16 and 11 and might get emotional!) I’m still wondering how my 17 & 16 year old get away with trick or treating at their age! (they missed out on many years of it due to the lack of enthusiasm for Halloween in Yorkshire,England) I’m rambling now due to too many vodkas!
October 29, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Wow! All this is just so good it’s like Xmas morning!*
Kudos to all who created these masterpieces, especially the Spock pumpkin and the Whimsicle Fuckery!
*no, really, this is what Xmas morning looked like when I was a kid. Except there was more alcohol and finger food.
October 29, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Off the whimsicle fuckery charts people!!!
I see 2 pipe cleaner critters going at it in the front yard of the Whimsey house btw. Memories.
October 29, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Regretsy has some stunningly talented fans!
It’s a damned shame Bootsychoo was far too busy having a “real life” to carve us a pumpkin, though. We all know it would have been the most epic, glitter-shitting, amazeballs Regrets-o-lantern EVER.
October 29, 2010 at 5:38 pm
HOLY FUCK
October 29, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I can see why the grand prize winner won the grand prize, on account of it’s so grand –
WOW that came out badly –
but I think that the genius of the Pedobear pumpkin is that one could actually put it out on the porch and most people would just think, “oh, cute!” and have no idea why the people inside kept tittering about it.
October 29, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Yet again, in my excitement, I was an ass for not saying how much I love, love, love everyone’s entries. I really do. I lurk on this site daily, because all of you are hilarious, and some days I do spit-takes at how funny you are. There are so many reasons to love this site. And I didn’t really bribe April or threaten to kill my amazing, way-better-artist-than-I-could-ever-hope-to-be bestest friend Lacey. If you like her pumpkin, you ought to meet the person. She is even more amazing than her pumpkin. Really, this is one amazing place and if I seem like an ass sometimes, it’s because I’m not a tenth as funny as almost all the rest of you. Much love, and maybe a bit more humility, Cathy.
October 29, 2010 at 5:48 pm
More coherent thoughts: HOLY SHIT my pumpkin is the first thing you see when you read this entry. And HOLY SHIT LACEY how long did it take you to make that it’s incredible! So much fuckery!
October 29, 2010 at 6:02 pm
I always forget that there’s no “sarcastic” font. I would hope that those of you who know me know that I was just being my usual snarky self & cursing that I didn’t submit anything as sparkle-tear-inducing-awesome as Lacey.
BTW, I did submit an entry that won an honorable mention, so I’ve got that going for me.
Must go now – my kitten & faerie-fetus casserole is in the oven, & I don’t want it to scorch.
October 29, 2010 at 6:02 pm
I made it into the 60 best! I am amazed. My description came through strange but maybe funnier.
And I love the Pedobear pumpkin, that is hilarious. I’d put it on the porch. But Spock would never eat a squirrel!! Kirk might.
October 29, 2010 at 6:20 pm
HK, I TRIED being not a drain on society for like DECADES and it really was dull. Thank you for making me kick the stand out from under me so late in life.
Disclaimer: I am pounding V-tonics to survive a children’s halloween party. The real tonic this Friday night is right here, with you twisted, talented fucks. NAMASTE BEYATCHES and thanks for taking the time. These are gorgeous and facked seven ways from Sunday.
October 29, 2010 at 6:21 pm
FYI, April, You asked about the 2 naked babies on the couch… I believe those are Donkey-lady’s Stinky Jimmy!
October 29, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Fucking hell, guys. So much crazy going on, and so mind-blowingly stupendous that my eyeballs hurt from the brilliance.
October 29, 2010 at 7:18 pm
AWWWW, Loved all the entries! The gorilla’s frog made me LOL, as did the artist who draped herself & her pumpkin in unique brown knitwear.I love the artist who was wearing a shirt as pants! The cannibal/zombie pumpkin-man surrounded by carnage and the puking pumpkins weren’t very Regretsy but made me feel very happy all the same! To the entrants: You rock! Thanks for the smiles.
October 29, 2010 at 8:26 pm
I saw Christina’s and I was like “there’s no way any other pumpkin compares to this” and then I scrolled down. Ya’ll have made my week a thousand times better.
…I really want the Pedobear pumpkin…
October 29, 2010 at 8:45 pm
As usual, I am glabberfasted at the amount of talent that resides in the loyal readership of this site. My talent, unfortunately, is that I am relegated to be one of the people who sits on the curb and claps.
AND BOY, ARE MY HANDS SORE!
The amount of awesomeness shown here has blown off the top of my head, so to celebrate, I’m just pouring the vodka right in there instead of drinking it.
This has made my Halloween!
Thanks to all you who participated for the rest of us to enjoy!
Congrats to the winners!
October 29, 2010 at 9:08 pm
OH EM EFF GEE.
There is so much awesome in these entries. Congrats to all you winners, these pumpkins are fuckin’ awesomeschmaltz!
October 29, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Are the winning pumpkins on the Flickr page as well? Because my friend Alex will absolutely die when he see’s the Spock one (hard-core Star Trek fan).
And Christina, I can just see your room mates being torn on the issue of actually putting Pedo-Bear outside. I honestly don’t think most kids (or adults) would get the reference.
On the other hand, there is that pesky problem with the candy being on fire…what to do, what to do?
To all the rest of you who participated, congratulations, and may the fuckery continue!
October 29, 2010 at 9:25 pm
@ bootsychoo, we understand if you have to go; nothing smells nastier than a scortched kitten & faerie-fetus casserole.
This was fun! Can we have a Whimsicle-Fuckery-Hand-Crafted-Holiday-Gift contest?? The prizes for the winners could be other entries.
October 30, 2010 at 7:45 am
Wow I am still totally excited, I got so excited last night that I forgot to send in my address hehe. Just wanted to say to all of you thanks for the luv, you are all very sweet.
And to answer your question butterwort, I worked on all of the little parts for maybe 5 hours and the pumpkin carving part was pretty quick and painless. Putting it together took the longest, oh and cutting “Whimsicle Fuckery” out of cardstock with my xacto blade took awhile, but It was totally fun. My Original idea was to crochet a balaclava fit for a pumpkin but changed my mind the day we carved them.
Oh and I loooove pedo-bear. Good job everyone!!
October 30, 2010 at 12:22 pm
WOOHOO!!! I did all of my happy dancing on the Facebook thread last night.
I’m responsible for the balaclava. I was home sick from work on Tuesday and figured, “What the hell? The last time I was home sick from work my college diploma frame got 20,000 hits from these fuckers.”
Next time I’m home sick I’m playing the fucking lottery.
October 30, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Awww man, I can’t believe my 2 unicorns humping each other (think banjo bag) weren’t enough to make the top 60 lol, too much talent here!! Must bump you off one by one before next year…
October 30, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Dammit. I tried to comment last night but the computer crashed again. Stoopid computer thing.
SO ANYWAY…
I adore you Regretsy persons and your magicle imaginations! All the entries are wonderful, and I love them with a slightly lewd Roberto-Benigni-esque passion.
Thanks for this contest, HK. REGRETSY HALLOWEEN ROCKS!
October 30, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Wow. I now have a little faith in this country (or are all you winners Canadians?). Lacey, or one of the other winners – I don’t think it’s too late for you to get on the ballot for senate, or the house of reps! We need some great thinkers like you all in charge! For real!
October 30, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Mmmm….kitten and fairey fetus casserole! Yum-O! Reminds me, I’ve got to get my unicorn roast marinating!
October 30, 2010 at 1:40 pm
#33 It should be a GIFT EXCHANGE!!
Lacey, where did you get the tiny clothespins?
October 30, 2010 at 2:58 pm
There is an embarassment of rich talent & attitude in this joint…just out of this world-been laughing like an insane hyena since yesterday.
Thanks for the good meds all!
My chicken bitches are honored to be in the gallery among such giants of fuckery.
October 30, 2010 at 6:18 pm
What impresses me most about the pedobear pumpkin is the evenness of the scraping. I did a pumpkin in that style once (scraping the pumpkin walls thin instead of cutting through them), and it took forever and found it extremely difficult to get to a uniform thickness so it’d be colored evenly. Kudos!
October 30, 2010 at 7:50 pm
@Spoofmaster: yeah, that was a bitch, lol. I used a combination of hand carving tools and a Dremel. It also went a lot faster when I figured out that I should carve with my light source turned on and inside the pumpkin so I could just judge the depth of the carving visually.
October 31, 2010 at 10:15 am
As a newbie around here, I am honored to be among the top 60. I did the Puking Konvulsing Kreative Krafts pumpkin. I intend to study in earnest so that I may join the ranks of honorable mention next year. Namaste, you balaclava-wearing nazi klansbitches!
October 31, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Unicorn rainbow poop FTW
November 1, 2010 at 9:40 am
these are utterly awesome!
I have to share with you the excitement I felt when I was at the Jon Stewart rally on Saturday and saw a young (compared to me) man with a “LONG LIVE PEDO BEAR” sign.
I am hoping that I’ll have the time from life to participate in the next round of fuckery. And that I’llhave time to hone my fuckery skillz to have a chance at competing with you all.
November 1, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Wow. I’m just blown away by the entries and especially the winner. Well done, and well earned.
November 1, 2010 at 2:57 pm
I love the way you always call us “you people.”
We let the squirrels carve our pumpkin this year. They did a pretty good job, it’s gunshot to the face pumpkin.
November 2, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Lacey and Julie especially – were afuckingmazing. *bows* we’re not worthy!