5 Last Minute Etsy-Inspired Halloween Costumes
Still don’t have a costume? It’s not too late! With just a little ingenuity and a Sharpie, you too can be one of the archetypes of Etsy!
5. THE BROKEN DOLL
The Broken Doll is a sad little waif swimming in clothes that are much too big. Get the look by wearing your father’s sportcoat and looking sad. Bonus points for provocative clothing made from children’s fabrics, giving you that coveted sexy toddler look that no one can adequately explain.
4. THE ETSY VICTIM
The Etsy Victim is slavishly devoted to every ridiculous trend that makes its way to the front page. Get the look by cutting the fingers out of your gloves and wearing gigantic cowls that obscure your face and make it difficult to drive. Tie anything in the house to your head and claim it’s a fascinator (bonus points if it’s a dead animal). Don’t forget the ill-fitting shrug, necklace made of household objects and cardboard mustache on a stick. For added realism, refer to yourself as a “burlesque vaudeville robot zombie.”
3. THE MILITANT LACTIVIST
The Militant Lactivist (or “Lactard”) is usually found in a “I MAKE MILK, WHAT’S YOUR SUPERPOWER?” T-shirt, but you can get the look yourself by smearing yogurt on the front of your blouse. Enhance the effect with a breast milk pendant, and by hijacking Facebook threads about far more serious issues. For added realism, tell other party goers that no one is more persecuted in America than breastfeeding white women.
2. THE BODY MOD ENTHUSIAST
The Body Mod Enthusiast is covered with tattoos, piercings and scarifications. The overall image is often so distracting, you don’t know what the person is selling, which in this case, is a stick. For added realism, sleep in your make-up the night before, and style your hair with Endust. Bonus points for licking other heavily tattooed people for no real reason.
1. THE CHINESE RESELLER
The Chinese Reseller is all about make-believe! They make believe the thousands of mass-produced items they list every day are handmade, and Etsy makes believe they don’t know about it. Get the look by wearing handmade earrings and speaking in song lyrics.
Have fun!
October 28, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Yup, sharpie and Duct tape make everything better.
October 28, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Side note, you look very gorgeous!
October 28, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Number 4 could also be Rudyard Kipling.
October 28, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I’m going as a steampunk zombie with a fetish for polyester leisure suits!
Or not. I just wanted to say “steampunk” and “zombie” together. I threw in the “polyester leisure suit” for the vintage factor.
October 28, 2010 at 2:03 pm
I’ll just go as a disgruntled seller.
Then I don’t have to buy any special clothing.
October 28, 2010 at 2:05 pm
The spelling in the resold earrings is hilarious!Like “foto” haha
October 28, 2010 at 2:09 pm
LeeLoo, Be sure you walk around telling everyone you have their exact costume at home and loudly announcing to the room that Someone stole your costume idea, not that you’re going to call anyone out.
October 28, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Number 3 made me pee myself. Thank god I always read Regresty while on the toliet.I was just complaining about my bf’s friend who is a “Militant Lactivist” before I read this thread. I mean, I just love being made to feel like I’ll be less of a parent because I will be unable to breast feed my adopted children!
October 28, 2010 at 2:18 pm
This post is awesome, you’ve nailed them all. You can channel crazy like it is nobody’s business.
October 28, 2010 at 2:19 pm
5. Maria Bamford!
4. Steampunk!
3. Ask me about my other bodily emissions!
2. I WANT THAT STICK
1. I think it’s so cute when the seller leaves the location blank but the item ships from Hong Kong
October 28, 2010 at 2:20 pm
your tats are awesome!! Awesome to the max!!!
Are those sharpie? Or airbrush, or real? or a combination of all three?
Also, how much for the stick?
All Photoshop. I am tat free. The stick is not for sale. We found it by the elevator at Ikea last weekend and I’ve grown alarmingly attached to it. – HK
October 28, 2010 at 2:21 pm
so funny! by the first tattood person, wearing a mask, what the hell is wrong with her collar bone?
October 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I could also go as a first time seller, and walk around the party screaming: “I just had my first sale – NOW what do I do?!?”
October 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I think I’ll go as a lactard. Especially if my creepy balaclava shows up in time. I think that would go nicely.
Do you think I can convince my 16-year old daughter to latch on? (probably not, huh.)
October 28, 2010 at 2:23 pm
If the piercings didn’t impede speech to unintelligibility, she’d tell you it’s NOT a stick, it’s a Majik Wande.
October 28, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Another category: The Bad Photographer.
Poor eyesight, lives in dark cave, owns cheap camera.
October 28, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Is that really what’s going on with idea2lifestyle? I’ve bought from that place; I fail.
Though I’m still not sure they belong in the same category as folks who are turning over “handmade” Icing earrings. Their stuff has a consistent aesthetic and they don’t have that many designs and they do custom sizes, so I always assumed they were a small business using Etsy as a storefront — dubious, but not complete hilarity in the face of crafter ethics.
Though they do need to stop with the gauzy lyric and “Dreamland” hoo-hah, and as with most Chinese/Thai sellers I’ve dealt with, their sizes run hilariously large.
I want someone to do an exposé on trans-Pacific Etsyers now. It would probably raise some interesting questions and quite possibly be really, really depressing.
Rude awakening: Here they are on Taobao, the Chinese Ebay. 965 pages, 12 listings a page. I’m afraid that qualifies as complete hilarity. – HK
October 28, 2010 at 2:39 pm
#5 is actually not a bad look, which is fortunate, considering that it’s quite popular year round where I live. In Stepford. Near the Men’s Club.
October 28, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Fairie enthusiast/ hunter
Wears pastel colored diaphanous clothing (see Endora)
Often covered with morning dew and carries a moss & glitter covered tome/diary and feather accentd quill
Grass stained knees
October 28, 2010 at 4:09 pm
@Leeloo-I was going to go as a seller would loudly proclaims “DON’T VILATE MY COPYRITE!” to everyone they run into. If only you were here we could be dueling disgruntled sellers.
That or I might just be a flouncer and flounce about the room. If only I knew what flouncing about entailed. I’m guessing there’s a lot of sighing and looking put upon.
October 28, 2010 at 4:24 pm
dammit!
these are brilliant in their simplicity. this is the first year i’ve ever regretted making my own costume
maybe i can modify it and go as a lactating badger…
October 28, 2010 at 4:34 pm
OH I want that Rainbow Brite corset!! $275 though, hmm, maybe I’ll go as a Twilight flowerpot instead http://www.etsy.com/listing/19528974/twilight-edward-loves-bella-figure-set
October 28, 2010 at 4:40 pm
April, you’re a stitch! I can’t believe that’s all you. I can’t wait for Halloween.
October 28, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Is that Maria Bamford posing for #5? Sure looks like it to me…
October 28, 2010 at 5:30 pm
You can’t go wrong wearing a pair of skants!
Re: chinese reseller- HK you should wear your hair that way more often!!!!
October 28, 2010 at 6:03 pm
just awesome to bad there is no one within three miles to terrorize with these
October 28, 2010 at 7:03 pm
[Bonus points for provocative clothing made from children’s fabrics, giving you that coveted sexy toddler look that no one can adequately explain.]
The Japanese call it either Shota-con or Lolli-con, depending on how old the kid is. Please don’t ask me how I know this, okay?
Buzzkill: If you’re daughter doesn’t hate you already (given that she’s 16, I assume she does, since all teenagers hate their parents), she will after you after you make that request.
On the other hand, it would provide a wonderful story to tell the grandkids some day.
October 28, 2010 at 7:15 pm
well, i was going to say number 2 should involve steampunk, but i’m too late. i’ll say it anyway! number 2 should involve steampunk!
October 28, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Someone simply MUST dress as Helen Killer for Halloween…unfortunately it won’t be me this year
The lactard costume is my fave- especially squeamish when thinking of the yogurt splatters on the shirt!
October 28, 2010 at 7:33 pm
@ razberries: I was watching Pepper Ann last night, and maybe I could go as Lydia, as subtle homage to HK.
October 28, 2010 at 7:35 pm
Is it the same stick from Ikea that is holding up the mustache! No wonder you won’t sell it: you can use multipurpose!
October 28, 2010 at 9:23 pm
The “you’ve got to be kidding” etsy costume (a sub-group of the “etsy victim”)- leave the outrageous price tags on total crap – ie. $400 for the stick – sorry, “magicke unicorne wande”…
(a sub-sub-group of the “upcycler” and relative of the “repurposer”)
I’m doing my thesis on etsy “tribes”
October 28, 2010 at 9:46 pm
April you never cease to crack me up lol. And PS you looking surprisingly hot as a blond!
October 28, 2010 at 9:51 pm
The description for those earrings in the last set is a freakin’ cut and paste job from ebay?!?!? Well I never!
October 29, 2010 at 12:57 am
For Halloween, I will go to the party as ideals to help the party guests with their etsy stores. I hope nobody takes it personal, I just want to help them with their items, by looking at them through my own eyes.
October 29, 2010 at 5:15 am
All of these are a win! The body mod one just made me lose it though….
October 29, 2010 at 7:24 am
As Zombie Elvis and Zombie Baby Jesus are my witnesses, we used to have a lactard activist in the family. She whipped it out in a local BJ’s Wholesale Club (irony? infamy? agony?) and forced a gigantic scandal. This was followed up by a rambling diatribe on the local news when she was interviewed.
None of that made up for having to see the “natural feedings” we experienced. Some things can never be unseen.
October 29, 2010 at 7:36 am
‘bamboo is playing gesture language on a wall’…
That gesture would be a giant middle finger with the message :go fuck yourself & take your cheap crap back to China or wherever your factory is located .
As for the killer, you make a chameleon seem so very one note.
October 29, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Ha, I actually know the woman in the skull mask (?). She is awesome. Although, like you, I can’t tell what she’s selling here.
October 31, 2010 at 6:22 pm
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November 5, 2010 at 4:55 am
In defense of idea2lifesytle (sort of), I’ve lived in China and still buy a ridiculous amount of stuff on Taobao. There is a whole style of clothing in China called “tian yuan feng ge”, which is basically the flowy-nature-y style seen in your example. Yes, much of it is mass-produced, so doesn’t belong on Etsy…but technically, the store in your Taobao example is not idea2lifestyle. In other words, their clothes may or may not be handmade, but aren’t a particularly unique style in China. Does that make sense? : P
Not to me, but maybe I’m missing your point. All I’m saying is that idea2lifestyle is blatantly reselling factory produced clothing.- HK