Candy is dandy
But Kotex doesn’t rot your teeth

PEDOBEAR by Christina

“At least one of my housemates loves this and insists we put this out on the porch for the trick-or-treaters. My other housemate kind of stared at me without saying anything and shut the door to his room.”

SPOCK FEEDING TIME by Jenni

THE WORLD FAMOUS CHILD CANDY-FEEDER HAT by Cathy

URL CELEBRATES HALLOWEEN by Julie

“Here is my pumpkin. It features Url presenting a milkymilky necklace to the Poncho Chicken.
P.C. is wearing the clown jar mask ’cause it’s Halloween.”

PUMPKIN BALACLAVA by Rae

“When this is all over, we plan on eating this fucker.”

WHAT? IT’S A PEACE SYMBOL by Katie

“My pumpkin is all about peace. Native American peace symbols, knit masks and namaste.”

And the number one grand prize winning pumpkin is . . .

HOUSE OF WHIMSICAL FUCKERY by Lacey

“Everything you see inside of this pumpkin was made by me, inspired by all of you whimsical fuckers. I made this happen in my drunken artistic ability.”

There is so much fuckery going on in this pumpkin I can’t even find all the references. I see the Edward and Bella flowerpots at the top, The Mother Of All 9/11 Posts, cut-out cat, the Halloween door, the teddy bear hanger with unfortunate hook placement, the God Box and I even see a nod to this hat contest entry.

On the clothesline, I see the shit-yourself shorts, the I love Kuntface T-shirt and the Regretsy anniversary shirt.

Inside, I see the gumball clown and the hamburger pillows, but I don’t know what the babies are on the couch. I’m also not sure what’s going on in front of the house. I recognize the lawn goose, but all the other stuff is a mystery to me. Let me know what you find.

This is really spectacular, as are all of the entries. I never cease to be amazed at the amount of effort you people put into these things. It’s mind boggling. If you worked this hard at getting a job, maybe you’d stop being such a drain on our society. Just putting that out there.

Over 60 of the best entries are now available for viewing in this Flickr set. Happy Halloween, and thanks to all who entered!

TURKEY SKANTS GUY by Gayle

“I carved the lettering backward to make the shadow words. Plotting those backwards words gave me a headache, so I hope you fucking people are happy.”

GUMBALL CLOWN by Lacey and Cathy

“Guess how many candies are in the jar! If you guessed less than a fuckton, you are wrong. Convo us for a free bag of this crappy candy.”

IN UTERO by Suzanne

“Hopefully my pumpkin answers the eternal question – how is babby formed?”

GARY COLEMAN by Paul

WINE-FUELED HALLOWEEN TOWER OF HELL by Trai

Trai went the extra mile by making a video tour of this pile of craft.

WHITE PUMPKIN FROM KOREA by Victoria

Added points for the horrific headline on the newspaper.

I TRIED TO DRAW CARLTON FROM FRESH PRINCE BUT I CUT TOO FUCKING DEEP by Jim

“My pumpkin is an expression of light and a celebration of life. And herpes.”

NEVER ALONE by GEEKTASTIC WHIMSY

ZOEY’S DINNER PARTY by Nichole

“Here is my 5 year old daughter’s dinner party. Guests include: pumpkin head Barbie, my pet dead octopus, Mr. T head bank (wearing a handmade top hat on a head band, by me) and of course, my daughter Zoey with her bear, “Lupus” (she watches a lot of “House”). The tray on the table consists of twenty 2 year old body part Gummies that have been lovingly splattered with a mix of red acrylic paint and Mod Podge.

I realize this is a pumpkin CARVING contest, but carving a pumpkin is completely traumatizing to my daughter.”

HELLO by Megan

“This is my Lionel Richie pumpkin. I added bling and some lace to make it look like a realistic ‘fro.”

Congratulations, runners up! Send me your shipping address and I’ll send you a prize!

Well as I expected, there were way, way too many amazing entries into the pumpkin contest, and it was very stressful trying to make a decision. In fact, I was up half the night, worrying about it.*

*Watching Judge Judy on Tivo

I finally decided on five main winners (including one tie), and one Grand Prize winner. I also decided on ten honorable mentions, who each get the now infamous Regretsy Thugs T-shirt by Snuff Box.

I also put the best 60 or so entries up on Flickr, and I’ll make that set public after all the winners are posted.

I’ll be resizing and cursing for a while, so check back a little later.