PEDOBEAR by Christina

“At least one of my housemates loves this and insists we put this out on the porch for the trick-or-treaters. My other housemate kind of stared at me without saying anything and shut the door to his room.”

SPOCK FEEDING TIME by Jenni

THE WORLD FAMOUS CHILD CANDY-FEEDER HAT by Cathy

URL CELEBRATES HALLOWEEN by Julie

“Here is my pumpkin. It features Url presenting a milkymilky necklace to the Poncho Chicken.
P.C. is wearing the clown jar mask ’cause it’s Halloween.”

PUMPKIN BALACLAVA by Rae

“When this is all over, we plan on eating this fucker.”

WHAT? IT’S A PEACE SYMBOL by Katie

“My pumpkin is all about peace. Native American peace symbols, knit masks and namaste.”

And the number one grand prize winning pumpkin is . . .

HOUSE OF WHIMSICAL FUCKERY by Lacey

“Everything you see inside of this pumpkin was made by me, inspired by all of you whimsical fuckers. I made this happen in my drunken artistic ability.”

There is so much fuckery going on in this pumpkin I can’t even find all the references. I see the Edward and Bella flowerpots at the top, The Mother Of All 9/11 Posts, cut-out cat, the Halloween door, the teddy bear hanger with unfortunate hook placement, the God Box and I even see a nod to this hat contest entry.

On the clothesline, I see the shit-yourself shorts, the I love Kuntface T-shirt and the Regretsy anniversary shirt.

Inside, I see the gumball clown and the hamburger pillows, but I don’t know what the babies are on the couch. I’m also not sure what’s going on in front of the house. I recognize the lawn goose, but all the other stuff is a mystery to me. Let me know what you find.

This is really spectacular, as are all of the entries. I never cease to be amazed at the amount of effort you people put into these things. It’s mind boggling. If you worked this hard at getting a job, maybe you’d stop being such a drain on our society. Just putting that out there.

Over 60 of the best entries are now available for viewing in this Flickr set. Happy Halloween, and thanks to all who entered!

TURKEY SKANTS GUY by Gayle

“I carved the lettering backward to make the shadow words. Plotting those backwards words gave me a headache, so I hope you fucking people are happy.”

GUMBALL CLOWN by Lacey and Cathy

“Guess how many candies are in the jar! If you guessed less than a fuckton, you are wrong. Convo us for a free bag of this crappy candy.”

IN UTERO by Suzanne

“Hopefully my pumpkin answers the eternal question – how is babby formed?”

GARY COLEMAN by Paul

WINE-FUELED HALLOWEEN TOWER OF HELL by Trai

Trai went the extra mile by making a video tour of this pile of craft.

WHITE PUMPKIN FROM KOREA by Victoria

Added points for the horrific headline on the newspaper.

I TRIED TO DRAW CARLTON FROM FRESH PRINCE BUT I CUT TOO FUCKING DEEP by Jim

“My pumpkin is an expression of light and a celebration of life. And herpes.”

NEVER ALONE by GEEKTASTIC WHIMSY

ZOEY’S DINNER PARTY by Nichole

“Here is my 5 year old daughter’s dinner party. Guests include: pumpkin head Barbie, my pet dead octopus, Mr. T head bank (wearing a handmade top hat on a head band, by me) and of course, my daughter Zoey with her bear, “Lupus” (she watches a lot of “House”). The tray on the table consists of twenty 2 year old body part Gummies that have been lovingly splattered with a mix of red acrylic paint and Mod Podge.

I realize this is a pumpkin CARVING contest, but carving a pumpkin is completely traumatizing to my daughter.”

HELLO by Megan

“This is my Lionel Richie pumpkin. I added bling and some lace to make it look like a realistic ‘fro.”

Congratulations, runners up! Send me your shipping address and I’ll send you a prize!

Well as I expected, there were way, way too many amazing entries into the pumpkin contest, and it was very stressful trying to make a decision. In fact, I was up half the night, worrying about it.*

*Watching Judge Judy on Tivo

I finally decided on five main winners (including one tie), and one Grand Prize winner. I also decided on ten honorable mentions, who each get the now infamous Regretsy Thugs T-shirt by Snuff Box.

I also put the best 60 or so entries up on Flickr, and I’ll make that set public after all the winners are posted.

I’ll be resizing and cursing for a while, so check back a little later.

1. AID FOR AIDAN

Our hand knit balaclava auction on Ebay raised $1700 for Aidan Reed!

Thanks to everyone who made it possible. And thank you for your prompt payment! More than half of you have already paid, and your masks are on their way.

You have also purchased hundreds of Aidan’s drawings, which has been a huge help to his family. And he is getting media coverage from all over the world.

I don’t know what to tell you about the photo. Someone sent it to me and I had to get it off my desk as quickly as possible.

2. IMPORTANT MAIL FROM THE MAILBAG

Dan makes a good point. I’m sure there are a lot of you who would just like to read sad stories about people in need all day, unfettered by comedic content. And God knows there aren’t enough places online to get depressed.

So here’s what we’re doing to do. From now on, all posts that are not particularly funny will be tagged, “Dan Rice”. That way, when you write to me and say, “THAT POST SUCKED” I can say, “Well, I guess you didn’t see it was tagged Dan Rice!” And then you’ll be too confused to reply, which is all I’ve ever wanted.

3. REGRETSY IN THE NEWS

Two cool things in the last two days.

The delightful Liana Maeby has taken it upon herself to remake three Regretsy featured crafts. I think she has the most luck with the trash bag pants, which I’m expecting to see on Etsy’s front page today.

Click the image to see the story

And secondly, a swell slide show in Fast Company this morning.

Click the image to see the piece

Thanks to Fast Company for being careful to include links to the Etsy sellers featured. I hope they see lots of traffic today.

4. PUMPKIN CONTEST REMINDER

You have until midnight tonight to submit your pumpkin carving photos!

And let me warn you, the competition is tough. I’ve had entries from all over the world, including a pumpkin decorated with pubic hair, a disturbing one from Korea that I can’t talk about and this one, which I think says it all.

The prizes for this contest are breathtaking, as I’m sure you can imagine.

Winners will be posted tomorrow. Although technically, there are no winners at Regretsy.