Countdown: #7
Top 10 Favorite Posts of 2009
Number 7: Posted on 10/9/2009
If I wanted something covered with cum and gold eyeshadow, I’d steal Adam Lambert’s hoody.
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Trivia: This post is the reason I limited comments to 500 characters. The artist who created this piece attempted to post a 1000 word response, and at that point I say get your own fucking blog.
If you have any No-Doze and an appetite for utter bullshit here’s the comment that never posted.
First misconception about my ART… I’m a female artist. I use male models obviously, for the “shot.”
I don’t necessarily think watercolors of flowers are interesting…. I also don’t even appreciate abstract art much. I think taking a picture but then selling 5,000 PRINTS of it, kinda destroys the original art of the photograph itself…. I equate a lot of art today with crocheted toilet paper cozies grandma makes. But do I personally say that out loud to various artists? “Ohhhh, thats not art.”
No, because it IS all art. It just may not be what I get off on. And thats whats COOL about ART..some is going to affect you and some is going to bore you.
You are all sitting around discussing what IS and ISNT art. Art is simply creation… theres a lot of forms of it. Kids with crayons, ladies with pottery class, guys welding, someone cooking… soap carving… and yeah, even crocheted toilet paper cozy. Art isnt for other people, it is for the person making it. They are CREATING. music or poetry or sculpture… that act of creation IS ART.
A bunch of fucking twats sitting around on a message board freaking out because there is sperm splattered on a canvas?
#1 its not that radical. Its been done many times before. By “famous” artists and everyday artists. Does this mean it lacks value? because its been done before? Does that mean ANYTHING thats been done before is blase? They might want to take a look at what type of art THEY are creating. I bet its been done before too.
#2 No, you cant catch anything from it. Anyone that thinks you can, is a DANGEROUS MORON.
#3 Yes, its real cum shots. I cant vouch for every guys technique as I did not witness all 10 – but I requested that they shoot ACROSS the board and well…save it up for a a day or two if need be. I did witness many of them and you know what? It was fun. Sex is fun. It was hot, sometimes it was funny – there was laughter, there were GREAT HEALTHY discussions about sex. I love that kinda stuff.
#4 Anyone that says, “eww disgusting” I’ll bet those are typical bitches that have sex with the lights off, “don’t touch my hair!” and “do I look fat in this?” who read Cosmo for lame ass sex tips and have too many cats or angel figurines at home. And GOD FORBID, if sperm was to TOUCH their hair or face or mouth. Those are the same girls that dole out oral sex to their boyfriends only one “special occassions.” Girls, we know EXACTLY WHO/WHAT YOU ARE. People that say, “ewww” to sex are uptight, WEIRD people. Those are the girls that get mad if their boyfriend looks at porn. “Ohhh but I should be ENOUGH for him, he shouldnt need to look at those magazines!” wahhhh boohoo Those are lame ass girls – their opinion, quite frankly, doesn’t count. Neither do the opinions of racists or homophobes.
#5 I did this because I WANTED to. I ENJOYED it. An obviously anticipated bonus of doing something out of the ordinary is the REACTION – which creates PUBLICITY. For the silly twats saying, “ewww eww” – you are only providing me as an artist with more attention. I don’t make art for that reason, but yeah, its certainly exciting to be noticed. Thats a basic human reaction.
PS: You know what really makes me wonder…. I see they are STILL sitting around and to comment about this. They have spent TIME thinking about this, looking at the photos, making comments. Doesnt that seem like hypocracy? Saying you are totally disgusted by something, but you cant stop looking at it and talking about it? Kinda like homophobes that are secretly harboring gay thoughts? (They’ve done studies where they measure arousal of people that are MAJOR homophobes, and those SAME guys were all showing arousal when exposed to gay porn. Gives you something to think about… these girls getting all steamed up about a cum shot painted onto a board. Ladies, GET LAID. Loosen up a bit and you wont have to spend all your lonely hours in front of a computer getting all infuriated about my cum art. LOL
Anyways, WE…as a community, should be ENCOURAGING ARTistic Expression. not denigrating it. When a child draws with a crayon, we say, “Ohh thats beautiful!” and we hang it on the fridge. When our partner tries to make us dinner and some gets a little burned, we smile and eat it and say, “I think its GREAT, thank you!” When someone decides to take up pottery or photography, we ENCOURAGE them. I may think its the ugliest stupidest pinch pot in the world, but someone used their hands to CREATE. That is a lovely beautiful thing. Whatever you make, keep on making it. Art Expression fills the world with POSITIVE LOVE.
Lets spread POSITIVE motivating encouragement to the world…. Have some class – your momma taught you better. Are you really PROUD that you sit around on message boards dirting someone else creation? That really truly makes you feel good? Or was it a guilty pleasure of anonymously typing small thoughts on a message board…? Hey, I admit that making fun of stupid girls was a small minded pleasure. In this case, they most certainly deserved it… LOL
September 27, 2010 at 2:34 pm
At least she didn’t call us “dangerous Mormons”.
September 27, 2010 at 2:36 pm
She witnessed all of their techniques.. THATS ART ASSHOLES!
September 27, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Observation: A large number of donors and not a lot of cum…..
September 27, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Oh cum on twat, that’s cretin you’re doing , not creating.
And I like to do it with EVERY light on , thx.
September 27, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Don’t you mean “Warholes”?
September 27, 2010 at 2:39 pm
Do you think she just copied this straight from her grant application?
September 27, 2010 at 2:40 pm
If you can find Adam Lambert’s hoodie, I’ll pay $100 for it. Forget that crap on a board. (By the way, isn’t this more Jackson Pollack than Andy Warhol? Just sayin’ …)
September 27, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I get suspicious when people feel compelled to overjustify-is this that Christine O’Donnell person?
September 27, 2010 at 2:44 pm
OMG, after reading her post, I needed one of her “models” to spray my face to wake up!
September 27, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Can’t wait to see her “splattered shit” series. I’ve been looking for something edgy for my living room.
September 27, 2010 at 2:46 pm
I read the entire thing. =_=
I actually love this painting. The artist has really disappointed me though. :/
September 27, 2010 at 2:48 pm
I’m not saying ewww by any means but really who wants cumstained wood? Is that a new decor fad?
September 27, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Ooh, made me flinch.
I believe this was the 1st Regretsy post I saw. Till then my mind had never been sullied by the idea of selling gold-dusted ejaculate.
Sullied by plenty of other stuff, yes – but never THIS shit.
September 27, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Selling cum-soaked fabrics as art is disgusting. Some art is intended to disturb. Is it still art? Oh hell yes. Is it disgusting? Oh hell yes. Would I buy this? Oh hell no. Why?
It’s ugly.
September 27, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Considering April posts her full name unabashedly and isn’t just some Joe Nobody-Ever-Heard-Of sitting in his parents’ basement in Nebraska, how is this typing anonymously? This seems pretty un-anonymous to me.
September 27, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Sweet!!! Just what I needed to hang next to the baby poop diaper “art”.
September 27, 2010 at 2:55 pm
All I read was “waah waah waah” but the thing that stuck out was “…that act of creation IS ART”.
Maybe I read the site differently than other people do, but I come here to look at weird shit and wonder why people buy it. I’m not saying what is and what isn’t art, just that some of it is really funny and some of it is pathetic and some is awesome. Isn’t that… the whole point?
And #4? Way to be condescending. Just because there are people that aren’t into the same sexual play that you are doesn’t make them stupid or what have you. Double standard much? So we can’t make fun of your art but you can call those with less dramatic sexual tendencies “typical bitches”?
September 27, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I’d also like to say that negative or, better yet, constructive, feedback is also good. You don’t really improve with only positive feedback and once you do get some negativity, it’s truly crushing.
September 27, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Sure men like to think that cum is some how magic and has many special uses. This bitch create some out there artwork with it and complains when people take notice. Who the fuck writes a term paper to defend cumshots. She clearly needs to do something besides watch men splatter her canvas.
September 27, 2010 at 3:05 pm
to me it looks like they said hey i have a old board out back what could i do with it? lets see *goes through the garbage in the shed* hey old paint and some brushes! hey here is some beer that is still good too
September 27, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I think the go-go boy and the server were both named Art
September 27, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Pretty much all wood is eventually cum-stained.
September 27, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Most of us don’t try to sell our toddlers “art” (although on Etsy…).
And although I have absolutely no hang ups about sex I can’t see the “artistic” merit of hanging cum on my walls (and if I did couldn’t I get it done for me a lot cheaper than this – friends with artistic benefits?).
September 27, 2010 at 3:11 pm
No matter how many times you call it ART, it’s still just eye-shadowed splooge.
September 27, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Anyways, she sounds awfully uptight about something…
September 27, 2010 at 3:28 pm
pfft. I have nothing against “sex” or “art”, but on the “dude that paints with his penis” scale, it’s still utter shit.
September 27, 2010 at 3:50 pm
1. This isn’t a message board, you twat.
2.***I see they are STILL sitting around and to comment about this. They have spent TIME thinking about this, looking at the photos, making comments. Doesnt that seem like hypocracy?***
You spent more time thinking about this and reading comments than any of us did looking at your form of art and you misspelled “hypocrisy”.
I was going to go off on the whole “sex with the lights off” bullshit, but my sex life is none of your business and the disabled guy isn’t complaining.
September 27, 2010 at 3:51 pm
suedonim, you hit the nail on the head.
September 27, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Note to artist:
When your numbered, overcapitalized rants hit #5 (and over 1000 words), it’s time to either up the meds or have an evening cocktail and a shag to lighten up. Sheez.
September 27, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Sex is sexy. It is also personal. Keep it to yourself, SVP!
September 27, 2010 at 4:04 pm
“….I may think its the ugliest stupidest pinch pot in the world, but someone used their hands to CREATE.”
Hmmm. She may have a bit more Regretsy-tude than she’s giving herself credit for. That’s step one: identifying the fugly. Step two is just calling it on it’s shit. Or cum.
September 27, 2010 at 4:04 pm
If you wanted something covered with cum and gold eyeshadow, you could just steal Adam Lambert.
September 27, 2010 at 4:09 pm
“Art isnt for other people, it is for the person making it.”
If art isn’t for other people, why are you selling it to other people? And why are you defending your art to other people?
I’m also wondering if proper spelling and grammar isn’t for other people, either.
September 27, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Hm… having dried cum on the wall seems to be in a different league than having oral sex… and _definitely_ in a different league than having sex with the lights on!
Also, to the best of my knowledge ‘dirting’ is not a word.
September 27, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Wow. That rant is the reason I hate most artists: an overwhelming, overinflated sense of self-importance.
And sweetie, no. When you spray paint a piece of plywood black, have some friends spooge on it, and then cover it with eyeshadow, it’s not art. It’s shit that idiot stoners do.
Also, it’s fucking ugly. You could’ve at least color coordinated it.
September 27, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Jesus (portrait with) Christ. why was her “P.S.” 3 paragraphs long?
September 27, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Here’s the money shot: “Let’s have some class.”
From someone selling a strangers jizz.
September 27, 2010 at 4:51 pm
At least Florida crackhead “cum paint” is cheaper than Crayola non-toxic temperas. That means you didn’t invest too much in making “art” that looks like K-Mart parachute pants circa 1985!
September 27, 2010 at 5:04 pm
I don’t know who she’s calling uptight — she makes guys cum on painted boards while some of us like it when dudes cum on our tits.
September 27, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Wow… this newly-revealed hissy fit is FASCINATING, and I don’t know how to come at it. I seldom trot out the feminist terminology, but I could call internalized sexism here. (I haven’t heard “twat” so much since my little brother’s Lutheran school used it as a “pretend” word to teach grammar rules. True story!) Give my name and phone number to prove my identity? Tell hair-raising tales of my sexual exploits? Point out that there are more layers in the hypocrisy than in the art?
Or should I just convo her to find out how much she’d pay my husband to wank onto a board?
March 8, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Totally agree. The post is fascinating. I thought, “Wow. She hates women.” Not because of the art – it’s not *shocking* – but the internalized misogyny embedded in the rant is depressing.
September 27, 2010 at 5:29 pm
April, time to ‘fess up – DID your momma raise you better than that?
September 27, 2010 at 5:36 pm
“No, because it IS all art. It just may not be what I get off on.”
She gets off on art that other people get off on.
(Sorry, couldn’t resist!)
September 27, 2010 at 5:43 pm
This reminds me of the Tears for Fears song “Sowing the Seeds of Love” this is “painting with the seeds of love”
September 27, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Nope, sorry. I didn’t make it past the 4th sentence. Anything interesting after that?
September 27, 2010 at 6:39 pm
So paint is a cum sanitizer? And so is eyeshadow? Hmmmm…
September 27, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Typical artist, someone doesn’t like it and they spew off (pun intended) about how they (the dissenters) are cretins and idiots. Some people might not know art and can be put off by what they don’t understand; but I’m sure there are plenty of people who look at that and still say it’s a huge piece of fuckery.
September 27, 2010 at 7:58 pm
I wasn’t aware “dirt” could be used as a verb. Dirt, dirting, dirted?
September 27, 2010 at 8:22 pm
OMG I have art all over my bathroom floor right now. Why did I not put a board down so I can sell it?
September 27, 2010 at 9:50 pm
This chick gives “fuckery” a whole new meaning.
September 28, 2010 at 12:09 am
All this time I’ve been making “art” and then just flushing it down the toilet.
September 28, 2010 at 12:29 am
this artist should get into ‘wiener aktion’ (sp?). its art where people on stage barf and shit and pee and bleed and call it art…
September 28, 2010 at 3:14 am
Thanks for her calling us ‘fucking twats’… But so you know, we’re not ” sitting around on a message board freaking out because there is sperm splattered on a canvas” but we’re ” sitting around on a message board freaking out because you’re selling that shit so fucking expensive!!”
September 28, 2010 at 3:58 am
Taking the logic of point 4 a bit further, it could be argued that anyone who does not want to keep a jar of pee and glitter on their mantlepiece must have a searing UTI :/
September 28, 2010 at 4:51 am
“Are you really PROUD that you sit around on message boards dirting someone else creation? That really truly makes you feel good?”
I don’t know. I just started. Although I did a short stint on the Snopes board, and that made me feel OK.
September 28, 2010 at 8:19 am
Alas, the little diaper baby art prodigy in Hungary might end up embellishing canvi(is that a word?)as a career.
September 28, 2010 at 10:03 am
so…are we supposed to say, “GREAT JOB! this is BEAUTIFUL!! I never would have thought to put CUM on a WOODEN BOARD!!”…oh wooden…is that supposed to be a play on words like cum comes from a hard dick? like he’s got wood?
September 28, 2010 at 7:49 pm
@17, I didn’t think it was that complicated.
I did find it disingenious that someone with limited talent at best , whose only discernable skills are collecting jizz & selling it openly,then goes on a long ass rant that includes casting anyone who’d dare to snark her shit, a prude.
I could not care any less about who fucks who, or where or when or how .
September 28, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Honestly, I was thinking about doing something like this with me and my boyfriend contributing together, you know? Except it wouldn’t look dumb, it wouldn’t be some random guys, it would be someone I cared about and for God’s sake I wouldn’t sell it on the Internet and probably more subtle than 2′ by 2′. Cum Sumi-e anyone?
September 29, 2010 at 6:32 am
I couldn’t make this “art” because I swallow, not spit.
September 29, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Anyone who freaks out this much over criticism of their work has never actually attended/survived a studio art class. Crits can be brutal.
September 30, 2010 at 5:38 pm
You hear that, LADIES? You obviously don’t understand TRUE ART if you don’t enjoy getting bukkake’d by hobos in an alley.
September 30, 2010 at 10:03 pm
As art, I think it’s actually quite interesting. Nonetheless…
That rant speaks to an enormous amount of insecurity. An artist who really *believed* in her heart that she was an Artist would have said something like “What a bunch of uneducated clods. Well, at least they’re getting me some publicity.” and she would have said it to herself, or possibly to the group of other artists she goes drinking with in the afternoons. This rant was as much an attempt to reassure herself of her own artist-ness as it was to educate us about the nature of art.
October 1, 2010 at 9:59 am
She seems to have gotten much better at COOL ART in the last year. Now she’s even learned how to go back in time and write classic literature!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/50955476/1962-crime-and-punishment-by-fydor
October 1, 2010 at 1:27 pm
The only people who say that everything is art are the people who can’t actually create it.
Also, can we sue this woman for discrimination based on her obviously gender-biased hiring policies?
October 1, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I’m aparently very asexual as I would have never picked up on it…
October 3, 2010 at 5:57 pm
what a fuckwit
October 7, 2010 at 4:34 pm
All I have to say is “Ewww”
October 8, 2010 at 3:54 am
Glad to see that because I don’t allow my man to sit around and fap to porn all day that I am on the same level as racists and homophobes.
Cool story, bro.
October 10, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Couldn’t she have just splattered paint on there and gottent he same effect?
December 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm
There is more spunk in my hair than on that board, what kind of shenanigans is this?
March 1, 2011 at 9:39 pm
And this, right here, is why I will never ever ever refer to myself as an “artist” no matter how long I’ve been drawing, painting or writing. I don’t want to be associated with people like this. It’s this sort of thing that made me change my major. Art people make me want to stab my eyes.
March 8, 2011 at 9:19 pm
I love men. I love eccentrics. And I would expect an artist working with sperm as a medium to have a sense of humor and appreciation of absurdity.
March 18, 2011 at 2:59 am
Thank you, Miss. Artist, for describing to me what art really is. I now have a new appreciation for the pile of puke my cat left me in the kitchen.
1) Yes, its cat puke. I cant vouch for my cat’s technique as I did not witness the episode – but I did witness many of the others, and you know what? It was kinda gross. Cat puke is gross. It was hot, sometimes it was funny – there was laughter, there were GREAT HEALTHY discussions about her puking. I love that kinda stuff.
2) I did not clean it up because I WANTED to leave it. I ENJOYED not cleaning it. An obviously anticipated bonus of doing something out of the ordinary is the REACTION – which creates PUBLICITY. For the silly twats saying, “ewww eww” – you are only providing me as an artist with more attention. I don’t make art for that reason, but yeah, its certainly exciting to be noticed. Thats a basic human reaction.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll polish it with some glitter hairspray!
THANKS!
May 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Note to “artist”:
Maybe us “typical bitches that have sex with the lights off” and don’t “appreciate” blatant disgusting pornographic bullshit attempts at “art” are sexual abuse victims. Maybe we recognize that women aren’t just cum dumpsters and we don’t have to act like fucking porn stars just because we’re women.
Go jump off a cliff while masturbating you fucking worthless cunt. You can call it an artistic statement.