FROM THE MAILBAG – NSFW
From: Charles Eldridge
Subject: FULL-ON YARN PORN
Date: September 7, 2010 9:52:55 PM PDT
Today’s Regretsy posts of people in “sexy” yarn creations reminded me of a short from the 2009 LA Film Fest. It involved two human sized Swedish yarn creations having lots of sex with a peeping bear. Seriously. Here’s the link to the full short film from the filmmakers website. Enjoy!
Click on the image to go to the filmmaker’s web site and watch the film. It sounds a little like someone reading the Ikea catalog, but you’re sure to get a bjoner!
September 8, 2010 at 9:38 am
This is the kind of thing that happens when winter lasts nine months. The brain becomes freezer-burned, and yarn becomes sexy as hell.
September 8, 2010 at 9:50 am
Oh My God! I need to call my therapist for an emergency appointment!!!!!!!!!!!
September 8, 2010 at 9:50 am
Excuse me while I go find some buttons to gouge out my mind’s eye.
September 8, 2010 at 9:51 am
Me so Bjorny!
September 8, 2010 at 9:54 am
Jah, das gut! What a yawn , I mean yarn.
There may be snow on the roof but there’s still a raging fire in the fur-nace.
September 8, 2010 at 9:55 am
He looked at her sheepishly and said,”I love ewe.”
September 8, 2010 at 10:00 am
Mittens looks very unhappy at being ditched for Sven.
September 8, 2010 at 10:02 am
A win-win for all -she got a purl necklace , big yarn daddy got her string of pearls & lumberjackoff bear got lucky.
September 8, 2010 at 10:03 am
The jarring audio change, from dogma style art film to cheesy porn music and sound effects is my favorite part.
September 8, 2010 at 10:05 am
Whoa, there was a twist at the end – Mittens triumphant!
September 8, 2010 at 10:10 am
Well, I thought I had heard of everything you could do with yarn.
Guess I was wrong.
September 8, 2010 at 10:18 am
Wow, gives a whole new take on the “Spinning A Yarn”
thing.
September 8, 2010 at 10:19 am
Knit one, purl necklace, knit one, purl necklace…
September 8, 2010 at 10:23 am
I wonder if she had to lay in the lint spot when it was all over.
In other news, my 17 year old came home from school (1/2 day) and stepped outside to the spouse and exclaimed: “Do you know what your wife is doing in there!?”
The spouse replied: “Watching yarn people fuck.”
Awww, yeah.
September 8, 2010 at 10:27 am
Hanging the sign “If you need me, I’ll be watching yarn porn.” as we speak.
September 8, 2010 at 10:35 am
I watched this at work without speakers, imagining an Abba soundtrack, Honey Honey as the final song:
Honey honey, how you thrill me, ah-hah, honey honey
Honey honey, nearly kill me, ah-hah, honey honey
I’ve not fucked a bear before
But you leave me wanting more
And now I know what they mean, you’re a love machine
Oh, you make me dizzy…
September 8, 2010 at 10:37 am
I have to say, I’m really glad so many people are getting so much use out of those patterns I posted on Ravelry.
September 8, 2010 at 10:38 am
I was drinking sweet tea with lunch, but now I’m switching to vodka. My liver says to tell you ‘Damn you all!’
Also, I may need to get rid of all my fabric and yarn just to feel safe again.
September 8, 2010 at 10:44 am
This is some seriously messed up shit.
September 8, 2010 at 10:49 am
I think the yarn chick was faking it.
Her blindness, I mean.
September 8, 2010 at 10:51 am
I LOOOOOVE when it goes from serious art-house flick to PORNO-CHEESE-CENTRAL!
I am somewhat concerned the number of people involved to create this…. three yarn addicts, the knitters, the dialogue person, the camera, the sound, the text at the bottom, the voice over…. Im never using IKEA again… not if they all think like this…
September 8, 2010 at 10:59 am
Not even yarn chicks fantasize about the guy they’re currently doing it with. Stupid male oriented yarn porn industry. Ugh.
September 8, 2010 at 11:04 am
If only she had been painting a unicorn with a rainbow around it instead of a plain old horse, I could have given it two mitten thumbs up.
September 8, 2010 at 11:11 am
Disturbing, but it looks like it was a hpaay ending all around.
September 8, 2010 at 11:11 am
*happy*
September 8, 2010 at 11:15 am
My favorite part was before the, errr, purling: When she goes to the door to check him out and suggestively fondles his LOGS. Niiiiice!
September 8, 2010 at 11:17 am
The credits list “weavers” as part of the production crew. I have a feeling the fabric for these costumes were done in an hour by a machine, not in three weeks by knittin kittens.
September 8, 2010 at 11:33 am
The friction in this short film is palpable…
September 8, 2010 at 11:48 am
Lapdances in Lappland.
September 8, 2010 at 12:04 pm
@Billsbayou-I would like to state that it would take me a lot longer than three weeks to knit an anatomically correct knitted bodysuit.
On the other hand it would take about three weeks for me to stop saying “you want me to knit WHAT?!”
September 8, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Ron Jeremy has never looked better.
September 8, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Holy hell that’s just crazy and wrong, why did I watch the whole thing??????????
September 8, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Can you imagine the static buildup?
September 8, 2010 at 12:27 pm
…based on the book “The Joy of Socks”
September 8, 2010 at 12:32 pm
can you get p.t.s.d from the internet?
on the bright side this is actually safe sex, if you don’t count rugburn. and it’s unlikely they could conceive
(I KNOW I’m reaching here.just let me have it, okay?)
September 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm
I just KNEW my Raggedy Ann was looking at me lasciviously – what a slut!
September 8, 2010 at 1:29 pm
September 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Dude. That is just fucked up.
September 8, 2010 at 2:02 pm
i think it says a lot about how jaded i am with the internet that my first reaction to this was “why on earth would a bear be wearing a scarf?”
September 8, 2010 at 2:05 pm
I can’t decide which part is more disturbing – the fact that they’re yard people, the fact that having sex apparently heralds the return of spring, or the fact that she apparently either didn’t notice, or care, at the end, that she was snuggled up to a bear.
The whole thing reminded me strongly of those Isabella Rossellini “nature porn” eco videos.
September 8, 2010 at 2:05 pm
errrr… *yarn* people. Though they did have sex in the yard.
September 8, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I love watching yarn porn on the office computer.
September 8, 2010 at 3:10 pm
I can’t be the only one who thought the painting looked like the Say What? horse. When I saw that I cracked up. And that big bjoner while he was chopping wood. This was pure awesome.
September 8, 2010 at 3:14 pm
THE WHOLE SITE!! THE WHOLE SITE IS WONDEEEEERFUL!!
the jellyfish! the not-jellyfish! now you can tell yr kids–quite righteously-wherefrom clouds really do come! YOWSA YOWSA YOWSA.
now me, who just had dental surgery & is too busy, i havent watched all of it. i’m SAVING it. it’s a treat & two thirds..
September 8, 2010 at 4:18 pm
this
http://www.amautalab.com/works/broadcast/independent/creature.html
There is more. Oh why is there so much more on that site!
September 8, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Seriously though, why the big necks?
September 8, 2010 at 5:34 pm
That reminds me of this in a way.
http://www.eatpes.com/roofsex.html
September 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm
This is seriously scary. Why would you make something like this??? Horrible on SOOOO many levels.
September 8, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Best. Soundtrack. Ever.
also… yay Bear!
September 8, 2010 at 7:26 pm
At least the carpet matches the drapes.
September 8, 2010 at 7:46 pm
bears and naked women AND yarn!!!! the whimsical fuckery is combining with itself… super whimsical fuckery on the way?!?
September 8, 2010 at 7:47 pm
This one’s the best! :/
http://www.amautalab.com/works/broadcast/independent/fly.html
September 8, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I heard they won an award last year for their yarn based interpretation of “Two Girls, One Cup”…
September 8, 2010 at 8:04 pm
As I say my prayers tonight, I thank God that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow.
And then will be stopping by Weird Mart for brain bleach.
September 8, 2010 at 9:09 pm
This truly is what nightmares are made of.
I now must imagine myself in a personalized drawing of Jesus and me while saying 10 Hail Marys in order to sleep tonight.
September 8, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Oh my lord! #4 Skullymart! You killed me! My fiances name is Bjorn and I’m not going to be able to look at him without laughing my ass off for a while! Freakin’ Scandinavians are some strange ass people!
the mittens the bear reference at the end its kinda great though
September 9, 2010 at 5:04 am
They should rename this “the blindness of my eyes”. Seriously, that’s some creepy stuff.
September 9, 2010 at 5:52 am
This will win the award for “Most Creative Marketing Tool for Selling Your Needlecraft.” Now you know there will be copycats…
September 9, 2010 at 10:02 am
My personal favorite from the rest of the Amauta Lab site? All four shorts from the ‘Cookies’ project. Although the flying penises were a close second, if only for the fact that I thought they were flying pigs for the first few moments.
September 9, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I believe this is what is known around the internet as ‘Rule 34.’
I also believe this is one of those ‘only the Scandinavians…’ things. Did I mention I’m part Swedish?
September 9, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Well, I’m ALL Swedish and that doesn’t make this shit any more comprehensible. Så jävla inte okej!
September 9, 2010 at 3:40 pm
This makes Furry porn look normal.
September 9, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Since it’s Swedish, I figure I have to comment in the language I’ve been learning for the past three years.
VAD I HELVETE ÄR DET?
I wish I could fit Bajskorv into a sentence in a relevant way for a comment…
September 10, 2010 at 11:19 am
#36 – YES! Exactly! I had a Raggedy Andy doll too, both 4ft tall. I guess we know what THEY were doing were doing all day while I was at school.
September 13, 2010 at 8:26 am
I know I’m a little late commenting here, but was no one else a little bothered by the stitching on her boobs? I mean, it’s obvious they’re fake!! Oh and I also asked the questions, “Why is the bear wearing a scarf?”