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I Got the Hook Up

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? What’s wrong with everyone? How do you not step back and look at this and think, “Oh my God, I totally forgot the balls.”

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63 comments on I Got the Hook Up

  1. razberries
    September 7, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Poor Mittens, Junior.
    He only has 3 inches?

    Thumb up Thumb down +55

  2. HelenaHandbasket
    September 7, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Circumcized?

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  3. phelps
    September 7, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Pedobear!

    Thumb up Thumb down +45

  4. maladylis
    September 7, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    thanks for the laugh, I really needed one. I can not believe someone made that and just didn’t see what everyone else does. lol Maybe someone could hang some fuzzy dice on it to complete the look. Brown dice

    Thumb up Thumb down +101

  5. kirstenrana
    September 7, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    He’s certainly wiggling his eyebrows in a salacious manner.

    Thumb up Thumb down +73

  6. genghiskaty
    September 7, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Trench coat sold separately.

    Thumb up Thumb down +119

  7. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    September 7, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Ooh, that’s uh… he should go see a veterinarian or something. That doesn’t look quite right.

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

  8. butts lol
    September 7, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    For someone only 8.5″ tall a 3″ wang is purdy darn prodigious.

    Thumb up Thumb down +126

  9. karen710
    September 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    For a teddy bear, pretty well-hung. And now my jacket can be hung too.
    Multipurpose!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +91

  10. jesusmotherbug
    September 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    He’s doing the Care Bear Stare. Don’t see what the big deal is.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  11. jesusmotherbug
    September 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -11

  12. tuhcoolyuh
    September 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    That is a proud, proud bear.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  13. pentoon
    September 7, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    “If you go down to the wood today…”

    Thumb up Thumb down +68

  14. Penis designed by the ‘long stroker’ girl?

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  15. cecikierk
    September 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I wish the textbox is large enough to post Pedobear Ascii

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  16. Bunnyallarosa
    September 7, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Prepubescent facial hair?

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  17. OH MY GOD, it just hit me. How has nobody made a joke about the bear having wood yet?!

    Thumb up Thumb down +37

  18. WhyLikeThis
    September 7, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    …aaaand we’re back to bear porn
    curse you rule 34. curse you forever!

    i’m torn between a Goldilocks joke or “I’m a little teapot”

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  19. leftfoot
    September 7, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    That’s just given me a new use for the husband’s morning wood.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  20. amber e
    September 7, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Okay, maybe you could make this and not see it. Take pics of it, and still not see it? But c’mon wouldn’t typing “heart on” in the listing activate enough pervy particles of the cosmos to alert you to a freaking CLUE?!

    Thumb up Thumb down +35

  21. Dynomoose
    September 7, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Okay, which one of you greedy bastards beat me to the erection bear?

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  22. Wilma Fingerdoo
    September 7, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Smoky wants us all to prevent forest erections.

    Thumb up Thumb down +30

  23. Metriosity
    September 7, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Shouldn’t he be peering out from behind a bush?

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  24. DizzyMissLizzy
    September 7, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    In all fairness though, where can the hook go non-creepily? A pole coming out of his head or stomach isn’t much better.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  25. LeeLooDallas
    September 7, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Maybe it was supposed to be a Pole-r Bear.

    Thumb up Thumb down +66

  26. LeeLooDallas
    September 7, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    And sold!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  27. hamoza
    September 7, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Awwww, so cute & such a deal-less than a buck an inch!

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  28. Skullymart
    September 7, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    RED heart on? Looks brown to me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  29. starrydreams
    September 7, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    HK you have a dirty mind!! I love it!!! Bwahhhh hahhhhh

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  30. invaderhorizongreen
    September 7, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -11

  31. Skullymart
    September 7, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Looks like lil’ Smokey’s been checking out the bear breasted UILF.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  32. Alsafyche VonSnickersnack
    September 7, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    “perfect for hanging on trees in random parks”

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  33. hamoza
    September 7, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    If you think this stiff is cool, wait ’til you see what the the woodchuck came up with….

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  34. MonikaGottindottir
    September 7, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    He might not have balls, but hey… he has creepy 5′o’clock shadow. That must count for something!

    And since he’s neutered, he can’t get your female build-a-bear toys pregnant.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  35. spiritwunion
    September 7, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    For hanging mittens on, obviously.

    Thumb up Thumb down +44

  36. The Blue Kraken
    September 7, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    …………….. *stares* .. please tell me this is not for a child’s room…. someone? …..oh….. no.. tags says “children” *sighs* never mind… whats wrong with people?

    Thumb up Thumb down -2

  37. The Blue Kraken
    September 7, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    little billy grew up with a mighty inferiority complex.. the little bear was always more substantial and had much more endurance and vigor than him.. Alas when little Billy grew to go to college he could leave little bear behind and never have to face such scorn and humiliation again.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  38. knittin-kitten
    September 7, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Start saving now for junior’s therapy. Sigh.

    Does give new meaning to teddy bears’ picnic though. Now we know what they were doing in the woods.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  39. invaderhorizongreen
    September 7, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    at least they did not add mittens to the bear

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  40. Lola
    September 7, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    He’s just neutered. It’s called responsible bear ownership, people.

    Thumb up Thumb down +42

  41. Rascalmom
    September 7, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    This has really helped me understand the British slang word “knob” a whooooole lot better!

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

  42. The Blue Kraken
    September 7, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    Knittin Kitten don’t worry little Billy has a big jar of change saved already to later deal with his feelings of inadequacy later in life. he shall have just enough change to hopefully pay for enough sessions to be cured..

    #35 that is an excellent point. kudos for the artiste

    Thumb up Thumb down -2

  43. WhimsyMistress
    September 7, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    RascalMom: Indeed. It’s even a polished knob, in this case.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  44. AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
    September 7, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    @ #2 HelenaHandbasket: “Circumcized?”

    I was speaking with a friend of the Torah following persuasion this afternoon whom mentioned that he would be spending the next couple of days celebrating the Jewish New Year. When I opened Regretsy, I was a little disappointed to see that HK hadn’t found us some Rosh Hashanah related fuckery…

    …then I noticed that our little buddy here was cut. ;)

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  45. gator726
    September 7, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    7 inches in width? Damn, that bear’s gonna hurt somebody!

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  46. knittin-kitten
    September 7, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    @Kraken-Exactly!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  47. gator726
    September 7, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    If a bear has an erection in the forest and no one’s around to see it…

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  48. whitmansspider
    September 7, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    Nothing says “Regretsy” like bear porn, but did you see her cool sandwich wraps? I wonder if they could be made using Spoonflower’s Regretsy fabric!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  49. hamoza
    September 7, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    ‘…how do you not step back and look at this….’
    Sure would be easy to take a wrong step and be royally poked by this. I hope whoever bought it at least hangs something with some heft on it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  50. gator726
    September 7, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Papa Bear was too big, but at 3 inches, Baby Bear was just right…

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  51. PussDaddy
    September 7, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Oh my, that was an unfortunate peg placement, wasn’t it?

    Thumb up Thumb down -2

  52. ilovetrash
    September 7, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    gone. cos @ $2.50, if it wasnt it would be.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  53. mad2physicist
    September 7, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    Raz, given his height (even standing he’d only be about 12 inches I’d say) his dick/height ratio is .25. That’s the equivalent of a human with an 18 incher! I’d say this is one well-endowed bear.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  54. Skullymart
    September 7, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    To whoever bought lil’ boner bear, I just thought of the perfect name for him: Genital Ben.

    Thumb up Thumb down +58

  55. Stretch65
    September 7, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    Mittens Jr is definately in pole position and it has nothing to do with NASCAR
    “If your beariction lasts longer than your hibernation please consult your veterinarian”

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  56. Holytape
    September 8, 2010 at 5:19 am

    Well as a expert in family Ursidae, my first thought was “that’s not how it looks.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  57. Mrs. V
    September 8, 2010 at 8:12 am

    #54: Genital Ben is pure genius.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  58. Social Outcast
    September 8, 2010 at 8:43 am

    #38 knittin-kitten – And here’s where they get their picnic supplies:

    http://failblog.org/2008/11/19/picnic-fail/

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  59. IscreamUscream
    September 8, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Where you hang the furry suit.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  60. Lucretia Borgia
    September 9, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Aw gee … I like the little heart …

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  61. WordFLoe
    September 11, 2010 at 12:16 am

    it’s another tiny peter i see…

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  62. tempmodel
    September 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    How was this not obviously phallic to the artist?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  63. LazyEyeBill
    September 22, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Look what I found at the Goodwill a while ago.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/28335926@N04/4034176020/in/set-72157622795409896/

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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