Jesus Christ. Let’s hope they graded on a curve.

I don’t remember the part in the story where a Vulcan sniffs Celine Dion’s eyeball, but then I haven’t read it in a while.

We’ve gotten a pantload of new readers in the last few weeks from the studs at Lamebook and People Of Walmart, and it’s so gratifying, I forgot to drink myself to sleep last night. That’s what I call personal growth!

Because there are so many new people here, I wanted to take a minute to alert you to the weekend and after hours Regretsy activities.

Contrary to popular belief, there is no Regretsy headquarters. Well, there is, but it’s my couch. There is also no staff, unless you count the dogs and my fiance, Bronc Drywall. Bronc is a 3D animator and Photoshop expert who I occasionally press into service by pouting. He is responsible for many of the Photoshops you see on these pages.

It may not look like it, but this site is actually a lot of work for one person, particularly if that one person is an idiot. So when the weekend comes around, I really need a day off. Only one day, because even though I don’t post on Sunday, I’m already back to work on next week’s posts.

However, I recognize that some of you are addicted, and to be candid, I am addicted to you. That’s why I’m posting this on Sunday. I CAN’T QUIT YOU.

So on the weekends and the evenings, I head over to our Facebook fan page, which is about the most fun you can have online without a web cam. We are rapidly approaching 50,000 fans over there, and many of those people are incredibly funny. Some of them even intentionally.

It’s pretty much the cage match version of Regretsy, and it’s not for the timid. I think of it as 4 Chan with knitting needles. That being said, it’s not your typical “FIRST”, “GAY” and “RETARDED” board. The people there are remarkably intelligent and argue pretty deftly. Even the smackdowns are a thing of beauty.

And to make it all even more magical, fantastic prizes are awarded to every 5,000th fan (here’s what Mr. 40,000 got). In fact, the 40,000th fan was so beloved, that a spontaneous fan page started up for him, and he now has an Etsy and Zazzle store. Go figure.

Now, I’m not promising that you will become a superstar like Yngve Fijermestad. But if you happen to be fan 50,000, there may be an epic prize in your future.

And once you receive it in the mail, we’ll be back to 49,999.