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Bottled Up

If you thought that was defensive, you should have seen his first draft.

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58 comments on Bottled Up

  1. IscreamUscream
    August 31, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    A worm in the bottom should finish that off.

    Thumb up Thumb down +73

  2. trousers rolled
    August 31, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    It’s one thing to be imperfect, who isn’t? It’s another thing altogether to strive for flaws. Um, and why are we making art? Working out a few issues, are we?

    Thumb up Thumb down +36

  3. LeeLooDallas
    August 31, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    When he says “hitting the bottle” he really means it. LOOK OUT BOTTLE!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +54

  4. HelenaHandbasket
    August 31, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    You, sir, do NOT know me!

    Thumb up Thumb down +51

  5. WhyLikeThis
    August 31, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    wait, wait, let me get this straight you expect me to shell out fifty bucks for an EMPTY bottle!?!?!?!?

    what kind of sense does that make?

    Thumb up Thumb down +87

  6. cappysue
    August 31, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    The bikini would be a hell of a lot more sexy if the bottle was full.

    Thumb up Thumb down +118

  7. WhyLikeThis
    August 31, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    i babelfished the description from pretentious moron to english:

    “i thought this was really hilarious when i was drunk and spent five minutes painting on things from the recycling bin. now i’m trying to sell it”

    Thumb up Thumb down +76

  8. starrydreams
    August 31, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Who crapped in his cornflakes!!! Jeeezzzzzzz!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  9. barefootandpreggers
    August 31, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    WTF is a tequila wine bottle?I think he meant tequila whine bottle.
    I may be high but I’m not buying . The only thing worse than weed you can’t smoke is tequila you can’t drink.

    Thumb up Thumb down +132

  10. Stretch65
    August 31, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    If this was vodka it would be Absolute BULLSHIT

    Thumb up Thumb down +85

  11. Skully
    August 31, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    My work’s not perfect, and if you don’t like it, you can eat my worm!

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  12. WhyLikeThis
    August 31, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    …aaaaaand it’s gone! new land-speed record for item removal?

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  13. 3 yellow triangles are worth $49? that’s almost $16 a triangle!

    Also news to me: tequila is now wine. Wat?

    “bubbles and odd edges” – I assume he means the glass? Cause WTF, I’m pretty sure he took the bottle from his last bender and didn’t make the actual bottle himself.

    ‘My work is shit, but you’re shit too, now shell out way too much money for this crap!’

    … Aw, it’s already been removed, too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

  14. Stretch65
    August 31, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    #12 How do these sellers find out so fast that they are the next contestants on the “Regretsky Snark Show” hmmmm I’ll get some real tequila wine and think about it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +18

  15. Junkyardglitter
    August 31, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    I didn’t know Alcoholics Annonymous started a craft class.
    Good for them!

    Thumb up Thumb down +60

  16. Qui
    August 31, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    If you’ll excuse me, I think I need some alone time with this sexy, sexy bottle…

    Thumb up Thumb down +40

  17. EmpressBarb
    August 31, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    So, you wouldn’t describe your work as “perfect”. I wouldn’t describe this opus as “sexy” either. It’s a bottle with paint on it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  18. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 31, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Fuck you, seller. You don’t know me! What if I AM perfect? How would you know? Telling me I’m not perfect just because you’re self-conscious about your flaws and lack of talent.

    Everything I do IS perfect and I not only crap rainbows, when I cry, ANGELS turn those tears into diamonds. That’s right, diamonds.

    Thumb up Thumb down +106

  19. Dynomoose
    August 31, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Doing a little reading between the lines? ROFLMAO
    #18 Patty, come over here…. your puppy died, daddy doesn’t love you, you’re adopted.
    Off to the jewelers. Thanks!

    Thumb up Thumb down +25

  20. molamolacolacake
    August 31, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Man, for $49 it really ought to come with tequila in it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  21. zeroonezeroone
    August 31, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -28

  22. Mistletoe
    August 31, 2010 at 2:52 pm
  23. Mistletoe
    August 31, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    #18 Patty:

    And then those diamonds turn into two tickets to That Thing You Like.

    I am on a horse.

    Thumb up Thumb down +34

  24. Wilma Fingerdoo
    August 31, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    So, if I use my Sharpie and give some bikini’s and thongs to a case of Coronas (please note: when I get to the 20′s, I will strive to keep the Sharpie on the bottle), how much do I charge?
    24 X 49 bucks = lots of beer money for Wilma.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  25. greengeekgirl
    August 31, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    Come on, now, guys, clearly this person is a professional. Just look at their shop profile–it’s polished and says everything you need to know:

    Welcome
    Just like to make stuff

    Payment
    cash, check, charge, paypal at info [!at] vkini.com

    Shipping
    USPS mostly

    Refunds and Exchanges
    maybe

    Additional Policies and FAQs
    write for anything else

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

  26. greengeekgirl
    August 31, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    Also, their announcement clearly states that they are an “artest just trying to sell someting,” they don’t have to be perfect. Geez.

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  27. Buzzkill Steampink Noir
    August 31, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    When I first saw the picture, I thought they were selling earrings.

    My user manual first drafts tend to read like that, too, Helen.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  28. LeeLooDallas
    August 31, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Is there a link to the shop?

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  29. Rob T Firefly
    August 31, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    It warms my heart to see that tequila bottle with enough of a positive body image to go out in a bikini, despite not looking like the curvy coke bottles you see in all the magazines.

    Big bottle, you are beautiful!

    Thumb up Thumb down +105

  30. Flamestitch
    August 31, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Pretty sure the maker of this drank the tequila, drew the bikini, fucked the bottle, and listed it with this disclaimer, in case there’s any left over jiz.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  31. Stretch65
    August 31, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    #21 LOL ROFL – tears turning to diamonds…

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  32. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 31, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    #22 Mistletoe:

    They totally got that idea from me.

    True story.

    Or not.

    Most likely not.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  33. knittin-kitten
    August 31, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    I now see where I’ve been going wrong with the designing. I’ve been striving for perfection. Thank you seller for that epiphany.

    In my early twenties I once drank most of the contents of a bottle of tequila. Even that drunk I bet I made more sense than this listing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  34. suebe
    August 31, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    I have to find it again. A green glass bottle wearing glasses. Srsly. So much fuckery. Why did I close the browser window.

    *weeps*

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  35. vinnifera
    August 31, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    I’m not an alcoholic. I’m an artist.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  36. KittyPrawn
    August 31, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    We all know where this leads…. look at those curves.

    “One man, one jar” makes sense now.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  37. steampunkcheesehead
    August 31, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Your art is not perfect and your selling techniques are definitely not perfect.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  38. razberries
    August 31, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    this bottle is racist- they put tortilla chips on a tequila bottle.
    i am apalled…
    (sarcasm)

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  39. Menopausalmaniac
    August 31, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    If this bottle was signed ‘Damian Hirst’, it would be lauded as a masterpiece and worth 49 million, remember that when someone says ‘so, what’s in a name’!

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  40. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    August 31, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    OMG, they’re RIGHT! It DOES make a tequila wine bottle sexier!
    http://i990.photobucket.com/albums/af28/sunshynegrll/sexysauza.jpg

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  41. Stretch65
    August 31, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    VEDD I’m sorry but a thong is just WRONG!

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  42. ShuffleCara
    August 31, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    You know what, you knuckle-dragging philistines don’t know the agonies us artests go thru.. AA is really hard when you need to empty tequila wine bottles in order to express oneself.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  43. Menopausalmaniac
    August 31, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    I guess apologies are in order for insulting all the Damian Hirst aficionados. Oops!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  44. tanne100
    August 31, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Is there still some Tequila in the bottom or did bikini girl pee a little?

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  45. Clare
    August 31, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    If the bottle’s empty and she’s still got her underwear on, it’s time to leave. Or so I hear, I’m not from here and I don’t drink tequilla (or vodka).

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  46. invaderhorizongreen
    August 31, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    this is sexy?? maybe it will be after i down a few drinks

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  47. Erin
    September 1, 2010 at 5:31 am

    Lindsay Lohan has an esty shop??!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  48. WhyLikeThis
    September 1, 2010 at 7:57 am

    …so no Tila Tequila jokes?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  49. Erin
    September 1, 2010 at 8:28 am

    hoping this embedd works. ( best I could do while at work at the hospital without aid of actual photshop.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  50. Erin
    September 1, 2010 at 8:33 am

    okay …so the embedd code does not work .I’ll settle for settle for the link :
    http://flic.kr/p/8xhSUL

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  51. suebe
    September 1, 2010 at 9:16 am
  52. gator726
    September 1, 2010 at 10:06 am

    So, with the power of imagination, this bottle will make me think I’m drinking out of a decapitated woman’s body? Nice.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  53. MAG
    September 1, 2010 at 10:08 am

    Sigh….
    Wasted away again in Margueritaville. Looks like he opened a shop in his spare time!

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  54. hanar
    September 1, 2010 at 11:26 am

    You call painting a badly drawn bikini doodle on a bottle ART? Who is the fuckup? Not me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  55. barefootandpreggers
    September 1, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Just realized this is an itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini.
    From a yutz with an itsy bitsy teeny weenie weenie.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  56. aroseisarose
    September 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    @#18 Patty:
    YOU’VE been reading “The 13 Clocks”. :-)

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  57. aroseisarose
    September 4, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    @#55: How are you “barefootandpreggers” if you have a weenie? Hehe! (Hi, Hamoza! Glad you’re still around!)

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  58. aroseisarose
    September 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Oh, nvm. I get it. Derp.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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