Prepare to wash a lot of sheets, because your kid is going to be pissing the bed until she’s in High School. Seriously, the only way this could be more terrifying is if it was a clown.
I was thinking of making these for my teenage boys with a nice soft squish-able inside. One of my kids would like the zombie eyes perhaps but the other kids would like a more adult porn star face. I think that just perhaps they would stop losing socks so much.
I think the little girl sitting on the bed is standing watch. Look at her face. She seems to be saying, “You sleep now. I’ll keep an eye on it. I’ll wake you in a few hours and we’ll switch. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Now I want to make a purposely horrifying version of this. But with my sewing skills, it would look more like a beautiful hand-sewn map of the US with incredible details.
This is the story of a little girl who was so lazy she would never get out of bed for school or chores. One day she awoke and could not stand. When she looked down she saw that she no longer had skin, flesh or bones. Her skin had been replaced by square patches of fabric. Her flesh and bones was replaced by some sort of strange cotton material. She tried to scream but her lips were sewn shut. Today she plots her revenge on all the little girls who have used and abused her.
When I was a child, and afraid to sleep because of the scary clown doll my mother insisted that I keep in my room, I could at least hide under my blanket and pretend it wasn’t there. I can only imagine the terror of the child whose mother makes them this blanket. Where exactly do you hide when it’s the blanket that’s scary?
Hey parent, don’t think the kids won’t remember this when it’s time to put you in that nursing home………
One, two, Quilty’s coming for you…
Three, four, Mom let it in your door …
Five, six, it’s suffocatingly thick …
Seven, eight, learn how to hate …
Nine, ten, never sleep again …
Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
August 25, 2010 at 11:56 am
Skully, ROFLMAO! You rule so hard.
I like the concept of this, if not the execution. I grew up with a giant polar bear blanket/pillow, which protected me from rampaging bears and the Thing Under The Bed.
I’m thinking of the pink monkey demon, though. Must contact Larrivia….
This is INSPIRED! You could totally build a room around a Pink Hell Monkey quilt. (Incidentally, I’ve commissioned a Robo Rowe hopper from Larriva. Thank you, Regretsy Person, for introduction!)
I’m amazed nobody’s brought up the fact that unless you sleep off to a corner, you have a damn doll head right on top of yours. It’s not only terrifyingly ugly, it incredibly impractical too!
It’s multipurpose-
If you put this thing on a pole , you’d have the neighborhoods most effective scarecrow .
Hell, this would be a great Halloween decoration to ‘welcome’ the tricks & treaters.
#46 whitmansspider, I already decorated her room around the Pink Monkey Demon print. Seriously. The walls match the background. The print is in a nice white frame, next to her wall moon.
She LOVES it.
She does need a new comforter……
Gee, I like this, except maybe the head could look like Alan Rickman. No, wait, maybe Robert Duvall. Wait. Could it come with interchangeable heads? And a squeak toy in the neck? Welcome to my life.
The girl on top is disturbed, because she knows the doll quilt is slowly devouring her sister. The sister has a smile on her face because the quilt’s venom has powerful hallucinogens.
Reminds me of a Ionesco play I studied where a corpse grows bigger and bigger (Amedee ou comment s’en debarrasser)invading a small apartment. I saw pictures from different stagings of the play and in most cases the corpse looks a lot like this doll.
That bitch stole my uber terrifying Halloween costume! I was gonna teach those damn kids not to cross my lawn!
Just kidding, I could never come into close proximity with a horror like that and ever sleep again. Its like when I saw “The Ring” and had to take the TV out of my room.
I saw the movie of this. What’s the Matter with Gilbert Grape. Well, now we know. His gianormous mother was killed by a steamroller and he had her quilted by a taxidermist with a secret. A terrible secret.
August 25, 2010 at 9:33 am
It’s a quilt, it’s a doll, it’s god awful & scary
August 25, 2010 at 9:34 am
Aw!!! It’s not that bad! I kinda like it! Well, except for the eyes. It needs some nicer, non-zombie-like eyes.
August 25, 2010 at 9:36 am
You took the words out of my mounth, but i think it will be still more terrifying if it is a clown and made with yo-yos
Eek!
August 25, 2010 at 9:38 am
I hope it doesn’t sleepwalk.
August 25, 2010 at 9:38 am
i just noticed the doll’s hand is on that little girls knee, as if to say “come sleep with me.”
August 25, 2010 at 9:40 am
I kinda like it. It looks nice and pluffy.
You’re right though #2, it does have zombiesque eyes. It needs some cute eyes with lashes. Or lids. Or pupils.
August 25, 2010 at 9:41 am
Just don’t wonder why your kids wake up screaming every night and need therapy sooner than later…
August 25, 2010 at 9:42 am
And sadly – I have the magazine that has this article in it – and it’s not even the worst…
August 25, 2010 at 9:46 am
The fact that it is a doll does not make it adorable.
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/06/02/premature-abomination/
August 25, 2010 at 9:47 am
I was thinking there’s a different reason you’d need to wash a lot of sheets, and it’s not the kids.
August 25, 2010 at 9:51 am
I was thinking of making these for my teenage boys with a nice soft squish-able inside. One of my kids would like the zombie eyes perhaps but the other kids would like a more adult porn star face. I think that just perhaps they would stop losing socks so much.
August 25, 2010 at 9:53 am
If it was just a tad bigger, it would be enough to pad an entire cell.
August 25, 2010 at 9:54 am
The quilt is a perfect gift for teenaged boys…
and we’re right back to frequent cleaning of the sheets …
August 25, 2010 at 9:57 am
i think if i rolled over and found a giant, dead-eyed head on the pillow next to me, i’d demand either new parents or their ambien prescription
August 25, 2010 at 10:07 am
Its from the 70s, its TERRIBLE, its HILARIOUS.
August 25, 2010 at 10:07 am
I think the little girl sitting on the bed is standing watch. Look at her face. She seems to be saying, “You sleep now. I’ll keep an eye on it. I’ll wake you in a few hours and we’ll switch. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
August 25, 2010 at 10:09 am
I often confuse the words “adorable” and “terrorizing.” At least I know it is a common mistake.
August 25, 2010 at 10:09 am
This quilt would have been featured in Poltergeist if the quilt had been around back then…
August 25, 2010 at 10:11 am
Now I want to make a purposely horrifying version of this. But with my sewing skills, it would look more like a beautiful hand-sewn map of the US with incredible details.
August 25, 2010 at 10:12 am
Making this a clown wouldn’t be too difficult. I’m thinking of the pink monkey demon, though. Must contact Larrivia….
August 25, 2010 at 10:15 am
Can’t sleep, doll will eat me.
August 25, 2010 at 10:20 am
MOM!
August 25, 2010 at 10:27 am
This is straight out of a Miyazaki film.
August 25, 2010 at 10:28 am
ooh! the new “Inept Parenting” is on Newsstands!
this issue’s Feature Articles:
“How to induce Hilarious Night Terrors”
“Developing your Child’s Sociopathic Tendencies”
“What C.P.S. Does and Does Not Count as ‘Abusive’: Eight Loopholes YOU Can Exploit!”
August 25, 2010 at 10:31 am
They’re CALVES, they’re ANKLES, they’re CANKLES!
August 25, 2010 at 10:32 am
I hope those children were paid well for this photo shoot. They have probably used it on therapy.
August 25, 2010 at 10:34 am
At work so I can’t photoshop the math (maybe Skully or Iscream can help me out here)…
The Humpastuff pillow + Manllow pillow + Poltergeist Clown doll = this thing
August 25, 2010 at 10:37 am
Does it come with a coupon for a child psychologist?
August 25, 2010 at 10:37 am
We were wrong to doubt the proven science of blankies killing little ones.
August 25, 2010 at 10:40 am
I want a quilt like this so bad!!!!!!!!!
August 25, 2010 at 10:45 am
Just the thing to keep your child cozy at night, a scary cankled DOLL blanket! Gee, thanks mom!
If ever there was something that needed to be destroyed with fire, this is it.
August 25, 2010 at 10:48 am
This is the story of a little girl who was so lazy she would never get out of bed for school or chores. One day she awoke and could not stand. When she looked down she saw that she no longer had skin, flesh or bones. Her skin had been replaced by square patches of fabric. Her flesh and bones was replaced by some sort of strange cotton material. She tried to scream but her lips were sewn shut. Today she plots her revenge on all the little girls who have used and abused her.
August 25, 2010 at 10:54 am
When I was a child, and afraid to sleep because of the scary clown doll my mother insisted that I keep in my room, I could at least hide under my blanket and pretend it wasn’t there. I can only imagine the terror of the child whose mother makes them this blanket. Where exactly do you hide when it’s the blanket that’s scary?
Hey parent, don’t think the kids won’t remember this when it’s time to put you in that nursing home………
August 25, 2010 at 10:55 am
It’s a quilt, it’s a doll, it’s the stuff of nightmares.
August 25, 2010 at 10:57 am
The dark, cabin-like walls, the windowless window, the anxious look on Girl #2′s face: It’s the setting for CSI:SVU.
Sad that Girl #1 is already suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, or is forcing a smile for her captors.
August 25, 2010 at 11:05 am
One, two, Quilty’s coming for you…
Three, four, Mom let it in your door …
Five, six, it’s suffocatingly thick …
Seven, eight, learn how to hate …
Nine, ten, never sleep again …
August 25, 2010 at 11:15 am
I can’t believe it isn’t tagged as steampunk-fill that puppy with hot air & wah-laaaaa, this shit’ll go up up & away like a veritable dirigible.
August 25, 2010 at 11:20 am
Jebus on a cracker!
I just had a Post-traumatic claustrophobic episode from looking at that thing!
August 25, 2010 at 11:35 am
Well at least it doesn’t have a vagoo!!!
August 25, 2010 at 11:36 am
“Help! A Person of Walmart has fallen on me and I can’t get up!”
August 25, 2010 at 11:37 am
For Raz:
http://i985.photobucket.com/albums/ae338/grinreaper1965/quilty.gif
August 25, 2010 at 11:44 am
Make this for your child after you crochet her the lovely bunny bottle holder:
http://handmadebymother.blogspot.com/2010/03/cant-drink-bunny-will-eat-me.html
August 25, 2010 at 11:47 am
Seriously, the only way this could be more terrifying is if it was a clown.
Holy Hell Helen! Don’t give them any ideas! YIKES!
August 25, 2010 at 11:56 am
Skully, ROFLMAO! You rule so hard.
I like the concept of this, if not the execution. I grew up with a giant polar bear blanket/pillow, which protected me from rampaging bears and the Thing Under The Bed.
August 25, 2010 at 11:59 am
This will be for Christmas.
August 25, 2010 at 12:02 pm
#20 Dynomoose :
I’m thinking of the pink monkey demon, though. Must contact Larrivia….
This is INSPIRED! You could totally build a room around a Pink Hell Monkey quilt. (Incidentally, I’ve commissioned a Robo Rowe hopper from Larriva. Thank you, Regretsy Person, for introduction!)
August 25, 2010 at 12:04 pm
*the
August 25, 2010 at 12:07 pm
good ol’ skully. never one to turn down a regretsy math request.
love the mimi angle.
August 25, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I wasn’t aware that Raggedy Ann and the Michelin Man had a baby.
August 25, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I’m amazed nobody’s brought up the fact that unless you sleep off to a corner, you have a damn doll head right on top of yours. It’s not only terrifyingly ugly, it incredibly impractical too!
August 25, 2010 at 12:44 pm
It’s multipurpose-
If you put this thing on a pole , you’d have the neighborhoods most effective scarecrow .
Hell, this would be a great Halloween decoration to ‘welcome’ the tricks & treaters.
August 25, 2010 at 12:50 pm
That’s puffin’ terrifying!
August 25, 2010 at 1:01 pm
@barefootandpreggers-Only if you want them to run away screaming in terror.
This really does nothing to help me get over my doll phobia. Nope, not at all.
August 25, 2010 at 1:11 pm
#46 whitmansspider, I already decorated her room around the Pink Monkey Demon print. Seriously. The walls match the background. The print is in a nice white frame, next to her wall moon.
She LOVES it.
She does need a new comforter……
August 25, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Oh my god! It’s the twins from The Shining!
August 25, 2010 at 1:57 pm
My three year old keeps saying that he needs a girl to sleep on the other side of his bed…
August 25, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Gee, I like this, except maybe the head could look like Alan Rickman. No, wait, maybe Robert Duvall. Wait. Could it come with interchangeable heads? And a squeak toy in the neck? Welcome to my life.
August 25, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Reminds me of the mom in ‘What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’…
August 25, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Skully! Thank you!!
Bronc- you *knew* I wouldn’t be able to unsee that
August 25, 2010 at 4:05 pm
The girl on top is disturbed, because she knows the doll quilt is slowly devouring her sister. The sister has a smile on her face because the quilt’s venom has powerful hallucinogens.
August 25, 2010 at 4:21 pm
cant sleep GIANT QUILT DOLL will suffocate me 0_0
August 25, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Reminds me of a Ionesco play I studied where a corpse grows bigger and bigger (Amedee ou comment s’en debarrasser)invading a small apartment. I saw pictures from different stagings of the play and in most cases the corpse looks a lot like this doll.
August 26, 2010 at 12:22 pm
That bitch stole my uber terrifying Halloween costume! I was gonna teach those damn kids not to cross my lawn!
Just kidding, I could never come into close proximity with a horror like that and ever sleep again. Its like when I saw “The Ring” and had to take the TV out of my room.
UGH
August 26, 2010 at 12:52 pm
So, they’re selling a pattern and instructions that they copied from a 70s craft book?
I’ve got some vintage craft books laying around. I could make a mint selling other people’s designs!
August 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Just remember not to vilate a copyrite Kipper!
Unlike, evidently, this seller!
August 28, 2010 at 8:14 pm
It’s scary as hell.
August 29, 2010 at 7:26 am
I kind of like it. The quilt looks really puffy and cozy. Make the same thing out of a zombie Golden Girl then we’ll talk.
August 29, 2010 at 7:27 am
@#63, Omgosh! What if they made the same thing but just made it the girl from The Ring, lawls.
August 30, 2010 at 7:37 am
I saw the movie of this. What’s the Matter with Gilbert Grape. Well, now we know. His gianormous mother was killed by a steamroller and he had her quilted by a taxidermist with a secret. A terrible secret.
July 15, 2011 at 10:09 pm
this is creepy as shiiiiiiiit.