Lols! She’s either looking at it suspiciously because she thinks it stole money from her or because it beat her in the eye because she didn’t have “his” dinner ready when he got home from a long, hard, hairy day at work…probably both.
Btw, is that thing made out of air hardened clay, like the kind one would buy at Hobby Lobby? Because it is so gonna crumble the first time it gets wet. Oh yeah, and bonus points for the, um, classy(?) poses.
know what? i’d shell out twice that for plastic and vinyl before i’d shove 11 and a half inches of silly putty in my deeper pussy’d self.
***but i DO heart that contraction…what? the “e” was cramping style?***
Length and anatomy issues aside, with the top that thick, is it meant to cater to bored quiverfull wives? I mean, no normal woman could ever get that in…
The base of the head does not look designed to come back out. Thus, your vagina, with this monster stuck in it, is going to be featured in the New England Journal of Medicine under the title of “Dumb Fuck Chicks with Bum Stuck Dicks”.
This is obviously concerning on many levels, not the least of which for me is her unwashed hands and flaking off black nail polish as she caresses the behemoth.
OK, I can kind of forgive him for not having a clue what a pussy is like, as this is a trait shared by many of the male of the species. One would think, however, that he’d have some idea as to what a penis is supposed to look like.
I like that there’s the option to wear a condom and try it – excuse me, *him* – out. It’s like those disposable socks at shoe stores. Do the tester models sell for cheaper?
From her profile: “I only choose to make my t shirts by hand because I feel it gives the buyer a little piece of myself along with my work which make it a little more personal and just that much more special.” Uh, no thanks. Really!
Unless you gals who’ve never given birth want to feel what it’s like, I doubt these dildos would fit or even be comfortable – especially the “fattie”. o_O
Why non-flammable? Are the “ladies” supposed to light this thing? Why is it shaped like an atomic mushroom cloud? Organic? Geekery? What the hell? And the look on the model’s face is hysterical.
Yeah, I think once this thing is in it would never come out again. Then I guess I’d have a good excuse to skip sex– “Sorry, that clay dick is still stuck in me…”. I think it’s my new chastity belt.
Okay. I was going to make a comment that this is a needless attack against a people more generously endowed than the majority of readers of Regretsy. A people just trying to make a buck, after finding out that there is no “Obama Money!”
But, no. This is not an Asian factory with comrades of questionable taste. This is just NASTY. And a possible medical emergency waiting to happen.
I am shocked she suggests using this is possible! That is SOOOO UNSAFE!!! Even with a condom, who knows what material this is, if it is porous, how to clean it… :shudder: wrong!
Sometimes I feel like other people make it hard for me to be a black woman. Some of us did pass human anatomy in college. And wash. And aren’t totally SKEEVED OUT!
This may be the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen and that is including that atrocious Bad Karma cake topper.
Ok, call me sexually innocent but… how does one know if they are deeper than average? Are you talking to your friends about one day and y’all decide to stick a ruler up there and see how far it goes?
What does she think is up there? If a girl could contain something that size, we could smuggle in salami from Italy. A rolled up edition of the Sunday Times. An air-cooled engine jet pack. Hey, we could fly!! Nrrrroowwww!
Someone needs to alert her sponsor that she smuggled a phone into arts & crafts time in the rehab. It’s no mystery where she hid it, with the size of that thing.
Imagine going into the drug store and spending all that money on condoms (cause we don’t know where your stroker has been before it gets to you)for this. Clean toys from the adult book store, cheap batteries, AND bargin bin porn flick for that price. And did anyone see that scary mask she has in her store?? Ughhh
i am fairly sure without ANY doubt this woman has never seen a real penis.. therefor this thing? is a mushroom. yes it is a mushroom because it couldn’t be ANYTHING else
Don’t know that using a condom with that… thing… would serve any benefit, anyway. Never seen a condom yet that wouldn’t likely rip in half trying to fit it over the top of it – human men don’t have penises as wide as friggin tennis balls. At least, none that ought to be getting medical attention in place of getting their jollies…
i don’t know what to say about that really funky looking penis-thingy.
There is no way in hell that could possibly feel good unless you could already drive a truck through your va-jay-jay. And if your va-jay-jay could handle that thing…you should be in porn or at your OBGYN.
August 13, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Careful, you could put your eye out with that thing. OOOPS, TOO LATE.
August 13, 2010 at 1:34 pm
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August 13, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Hey long-stemmed mushrooms can be organic too!
August 13, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Bonus point for looking high on shroom.
August 13, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Lols! She’s either looking at it suspiciously because she thinks it stole money from her or because it beat her in the eye because she didn’t have “his” dinner ready when he got home from a long, hard, hairy day at work…probably both.
August 13, 2010 at 1:38 pm
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August 13, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Looks like the end would snap off inside of someone.
August 13, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Can I return it if it doesn’t work?
August 13, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I wonder how many packages of FIMO it took to make that?
August 13, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Btw, is that thing made out of air hardened clay, like the kind one would buy at Hobby Lobby? Because it is so gonna crumble the first time it gets wet. Oh yeah, and bonus points for the, um, classy(?) poses.
August 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm
why do I need a condom? is the small balled giant headed cock going to give me claymydia?
August 13, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Fartinamitten, LOL. Sick minds think alike, huh.
August 13, 2010 at 1:45 pm
$85.99?! Eighty-fucking-five dollars?!
For $85.99, I’ll zip on down to the adult store, thanks anyway.
August 13, 2010 at 1:46 pm
August 13, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Get a little itchy reminiscing about a college party full of unicorn spooge and couch-locked dollies yesterday, scratch that itch fo REAL today!
August 13, 2010 at 1:49 pm
I’m sorry, but it looks more like an at home abortion kit than a dildo with that damn arrowhead tip.
August 13, 2010 at 1:51 pm
know what? i’d shell out twice that for plastic and vinyl before i’d shove 11 and a half inches of silly putty in my deeper pussy’d self.
***but i DO heart that contraction…what? the “e” was cramping style?***
August 13, 2010 at 1:52 pm
From the shop announcement: ‘This has been a long time coming’…sure will take a long time going -that photo will follow her forever…
August 13, 2010 at 1:59 pm
If that’s what the fellas are looking like these days, I’d better pay close attention to the health of my marriage.
August 13, 2010 at 2:00 pm
When I first clicked on Regretsy, I thought, for a split second, it was a mushroom sculpture that unfortunately looked like a giant scary cock.
Imagine my surprise as I scrolled down.
August 13, 2010 at 2:03 pm
I bet she’s eyeing it so closely to see if it’s certified organic.
Or to see if it has genital warts.
August 13, 2010 at 2:03 pm
OOAK means it will leave splinters?!
August 13, 2010 at 2:06 pm
I suggest that the *deeper pussy’d woman* should try kegels instead and lay off the atomic mushroom cock.
August 13, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Honey, your Holly Hobby meth project does not a successful dildo make.
August 13, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Certified organic is good but I only purchase free range dildos
August 13, 2010 at 2:15 pm
y’know doing this shit in sixth grade art class just got everyone yelled at
i don’t get why she’d try to sell such shitake. hasn’t she got any morels? amanita strong drink to go on. i’m deeply truffled
August 13, 2010 at 2:19 pm
I think the long stroker has been ‘tried out’ & returned ‘cuz it was too ‘dried out’ & the original customer felt like she got burned.
August 13, 2010 at 2:21 pm
With all of the realistic vaginae (real word. spell check said so) on etsy, you’d think there be a few life sized peens in the bunch.
August 13, 2010 at 2:23 pm
#10 penny You killed me with the CLAYMIDIA!
August 13, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Length and anatomy issues aside, with the top that thick, is it meant to cater to bored quiverfull wives? I mean, no normal woman could ever get that in…
August 13, 2010 at 2:27 pm
#12 Debbie, did this remind you of a porn version of “A christmas Story”, too?
August 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Montana Fishburne’s BFF.
August 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm
‘put your eye out’—shit, you could put your tonsils out with that thing.
August 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm
The base of the head does not look designed to come back out. Thus, your vagina, with this monster stuck in it, is going to be featured in the New England Journal of Medicine under the title of “Dumb Fuck Chicks with Bum Stuck Dicks”.
August 13, 2010 at 2:32 pm
This is obviously concerning on many levels, not the least of which for me is her unwashed hands and flaking off black nail polish as she caresses the behemoth.
August 13, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Someone buys it. Tries it out. Then wonders, “How the hell will I explain this in the emergency room?”
August 13, 2010 at 2:38 pm
OK, I can kind of forgive him for not having a clue what a pussy is like, as this is a trait shared by many of the male of the species. One would think, however, that he’d have some idea as to what a penis is supposed to look like.
I love her “Bitch are you for REAL?!” face.
August 13, 2010 at 2:38 pm
It’s Popeye the dildo chick
Who’s selling a Sculpey dick
Non flammable stroker
In the left eye poked her
She’s Popeye the dildo chick
August 13, 2010 at 2:41 pm
It would look great next to the garden gnome.
August 13, 2010 at 2:45 pm
http://www.etsy.com/listing/52645696/i-also-made-this-one-for-the-fellas?ref=v1_other_2
WOW WHAT A FUCKING SKEEZY LADY SHE IS!!!
August 13, 2010 at 2:45 pm
I like that there’s the option to wear a condom and try it – excuse me, *him* – out. It’s like those disposable socks at shoe stores. Do the tester models sell for cheaper?
August 13, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I would pay big money to be a nurse for the ER visit when it gets stuck.
August 13, 2010 at 3:06 pm
I am shocked that this shop has not been featured sooner.
If I had $30, this would make a great hemorrhoid pillow. But I gotta act fast to enjoy it.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/52239556/5-star-pillow
August 13, 2010 at 3:30 pm
From her profile: “I only choose to make my t shirts by hand because I feel it gives the buyer a little piece of myself along with my work which make it a little more personal and just that much more special.” Uh, no thanks. Really!
August 13, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I’ve seen dog toys that looked more anatomically correct than that thing.
(Frighteningly enough.)
August 13, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I just like the implication that you have to buy from Etsy to find a long enough dildo.
August 13, 2010 at 4:01 pm
for 89 dollars, I could get a double dildo that could survive being washed after use and was sculpted by someone that has actually SEEN a penis.
March 20, 2011 at 12:57 am
Thank you for saying this so I didn’t have to.
August 13, 2010 at 4:04 pm
it’s subtlety like this that makes the beach boardwalks of America so great:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/52645350/i-made-this-one-for-the-fellas
August 13, 2010 at 4:06 pm
This is one of those crazy furry dildos gone awry.
http://www.zoofur.com/Silicone-Toys/
Enjoy your nightmares.
August 13, 2010 at 4:11 pm
#34 BillsBayou: I was thinking the same thing. Looks more like a vagina plug.
August 13, 2010 at 4:14 pm
I thought it was a really ugly candle.
August 13, 2010 at 4:34 pm
thank god it’s non-flammable.
also, for that much $$$, i’ll head on over to the XXX store and pick up something that hasn’t possibly already been, uh…handled.
August 13, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Unless you gals who’ve never given birth want to feel what it’s like, I doubt these dildos would fit or even be comfortable – especially the “fattie”. o_O
August 13, 2010 at 4:46 pm
someone hold me….i’m scared.
August 13, 2010 at 5:04 pm
http://i985.photobucket.com/albums/ae338/grinreaper1965/canyouhearmenow.jpg
August 13, 2010 at 5:13 pm
If I ever see a penis that is actually shaped like that, I am running as fast as I can in the opposite direction, while calling the CDC.
August 13, 2010 at 5:16 pm
The rumor’s are true. It DOES look like a baby’s arm holding an apple.
August 13, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Bedknobs and Broomsticks – you’re doing it wrong.
August 13, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Me: Hey honey this is what I want for my birthday. DH: Um, why do you want a mushroom?
August 13, 2010 at 5:42 pm
After looking at her first picture in the lineup one last time , I’ve decided to cut her some slack .
She’s either possessed or in the late stages of syphillis.
August 13, 2010 at 6:38 pm
I REALLY like the 13.99 panties with the 6.50 shipping fee. Gotta dream big.
August 13, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Oh, and the “marked down” t-shirt with the hole in it that’s more than all the other presumably intact shirts. Definitely Cat Math.
August 13, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Isn’t most of the point that I shoudln’t have to worry about things like condoms?
August 13, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Why non-flammable? Are the “ladies” supposed to light this thing? Why is it shaped like an atomic mushroom cloud? Organic? Geekery? What the hell? And the look on the model’s face is hysterical.
Shouldn’t this be listed on Craigslist instead?
August 13, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Yeah, I think once this thing is in it would never come out again. Then I guess I’d have a good excuse to skip sex– “Sorry, that clay dick is still stuck in me…”. I think it’s my new chastity belt.
August 13, 2010 at 7:39 pm
If Skankerella is eyeing that thing with such suspicion, why would anyone else want to get it near their vagoo?
August 13, 2010 at 9:04 pm
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August 13, 2010 at 9:18 pm
I am shocked she suggests using this is possible! That is SOOOO UNSAFE!!! Even with a condom, who knows what material this is, if it is porous, how to clean it… :shudder: wrong!
August 13, 2010 at 10:38 pm
@ #28 … you asked for it
http://www.etsy.com/listing/52709069/tiny-man
Four inches of lifelike home-fired cock.
August 13, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Sometimes I feel like other people make it hard for me to be a black woman. Some of us did pass human anatomy in college. And wash. And aren’t totally SKEEVED OUT!
This may be the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen and that is including that atrocious Bad Karma cake topper.
August 14, 2010 at 2:06 am
So messed up. Even if the “deeper than” average woman could take that head the shaft looks like it would snap right off.
August 14, 2010 at 5:22 am
Ok, call me sexually innocent but… how does one know if they are deeper than average? Are you talking to your friends about one day and y’all decide to stick a ruler up there and see how far it goes?
August 14, 2010 at 8:44 am
If you are going to make and sell a dildo, shouldn’t you have a look at a real one, so it, you know, ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE A DICK?
I’m pretty sure if this can fit inside you, you may need some medical attention.
A penis. It’s not what she thinks it is.
And I don’t want to hear your skanky intimation that this has been used.
August 14, 2010 at 11:39 am
I still maintain that this was made by a guy, by the use of “you ladies” and not “us women”.
Also also wik, I’m thinking of just labeling a square on the Bingo Card “Nights in Tunisia” and leaving it at that.
August 14, 2010 at 3:44 pm
#40 and #48 – the best thing about that t-shirt listing (“I’m in your bed, f**ing your wife”) is that it’s a 3X. Sxxxxxxxy.
August 14, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Thank God it won’t burst into flames after it gets stuck in your unmentionables.
August 15, 2010 at 3:49 pm
What does she think is up there? If a girl could contain something that size, we could smuggle in salami from Italy. A rolled up edition of the Sunday Times. An air-cooled engine jet pack. Hey, we could fly!! Nrrrroowwww!
August 15, 2010 at 3:51 pm
It appears that those aren’t laugh lines around her mouth….I believe they’re stretch marks.
Appears to have the ol’ “twitch eye” goin.
August 15, 2010 at 6:51 pm
Someone needs to alert her sponsor that she smuggled a phone into arts & crafts time in the rehab. It’s no mystery where she hid it, with the size of that thing.
August 15, 2010 at 8:46 pm
‘If a girl could contain something that size we could smuggle in salami from Italy….’@# 77)
When the crew around here gets a bit flat & dull, I always come here & LMAO.
August 15, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Imagine going into the drug store and spending all that money on condoms (cause we don’t know where your stroker has been before it gets to you)for this. Clean toys from the adult book store, cheap batteries, AND bargin bin porn flick for that price. And did anyone see that scary mask she has in her store?? Ughhh
August 15, 2010 at 10:30 pm
It took my years from my young womanhood to not find the male genitalia freakish-looking. She(he?) is undoing all my progress!
August 16, 2010 at 10:40 am
It’s good to know that the Arts N Crafts classes in Ex Hooker reform school are producing such positive results. Where’s my checkbook?
August 16, 2010 at 2:33 pm
@#80 Thanks honey! If my chooch was that big, I wouldn’t need a purse. Doncha know.
August 16, 2010 at 7:13 pm
“Deep pussy’d woman”?
If that head snags part of your small intestine, your stuck, fucked, and out of luck.
August 16, 2010 at 10:00 pm
i am fairly sure without ANY doubt this woman has never seen a real penis.. therefor this thing? is a mushroom. yes it is a mushroom because it couldn’t be ANYTHING else
August 17, 2010 at 3:36 pm
why is it that almost every time someone makes a dick it looks like a hot dog/arrow/crayon? anatomy 101 should be a required class
August 19, 2010 at 11:43 am
Don’t know that using a condom with that… thing… would serve any benefit, anyway. Never seen a condom yet that wouldn’t likely rip in half trying to fit it over the top of it – human men don’t have penises as wide as friggin tennis balls. At least, none that ought to be getting medical attention in place of getting their jollies…
August 19, 2010 at 12:17 pm
So THAT’S what they were trying to make back in my high school pottery class!!!
August 20, 2010 at 7:46 pm
#49 milkshakesthecat …. My eyes!!!!
August 28, 2010 at 2:01 pm
i don’t know what to say about that really funky looking penis-thingy.
There is no way in hell that could possibly feel good unless you could already drive a truck through your va-jay-jay. And if your va-jay-jay could handle that thing…you should be in porn or at your OBGYN.
DAYUM!
September 1, 2010 at 11:57 am
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