101

This Shit is Bananas

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101 comments on This Shit is Bananas

  1. whitmansspider
    August 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    “Once I was satisfied, I baked her clay parts.” Should I be worried that this made me laugh like Beavis and Butthead?

    Thumb up Thumb down +226

  2. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Clicking on Regretsy-

    My reaction: “WHOA! What the fuck!?”

    17 year old’s response: “Oh my GOD! What the hell is that!? Heck! I mean, heck!”

    Thumb up Thumb down +162

  3. mannequin
    August 10, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    How does one become inspired to create something like this? Do you watch the Discovery Channel and think “My, I would like a baby monkey, but one that looks more human, less cute and much freakier.”?

    Thumb up Thumb down +178

  4. sagesmits
    August 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Is it wrong that I can’t stop staring at it’s ‘hair’?!

    Thumb up Thumb down +46

  5. hamoza
    August 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    I’m thinking now would be the time for monkey to put his hands over his eyes, over his ears & chant:’see no evil , hear no evil, make this human go away’

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

  6. VikingKvinna
    August 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    I’m afraid that my face is going to freeze this way.

    Thumb up Thumb down +55

  7. cecikierk
    August 10, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    That’s Homo regrestus, only several genes away from Homo sapiens.

    Thumb up Thumb down +224

  8. Mahekun
    August 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    O_o It’s…well, technically it’s well made…it’ll just murder me in my sleep, is all.

    Thumb up Thumb down +150

  9. Lyme
    August 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    It’s okay if you don’t look at the face, but I CAN’T STOP LOOKING AT THE FACE.

    Thumb up Thumb down +120

  10. I wonder if this was a commissioned prop for a movie that went belly up before shooting began or any of the bills were paid. You know, a Tarzan remake or something.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  11. LeeLooDallas
    August 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Can I fling my poo at it?

    Thumb up Thumb down +163

  12. amazon
    August 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    The proportions of a baby with the arms and legs of a 40 year old hairy man. How precious!

    Thumb up Thumb down +89

  13. hamoza
    August 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Y’know how primates pick lice & other things not so nice from each others scalps? This little hairy monster needs a good flea comb …….

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  14. methuselah
    August 10, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I’d buy it, put it in a carriage and take it to the park. Then I’d sit a ways away and take videos of people reacting to it. That would be fun.

    Thumb up Thumb down +272

  15. snailtrail
    August 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Please welcome monkey baby Kiki! TO YOUR NIGHTMARES!!
    Holy crap, those feet will haunt me for a long time.

    Thumb up Thumb down +58

  16. hamoza
    August 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Nasty neighbor could buy this & put it on a swing on the porch-trust me, her garbage bag neighbor will move as fast as possible.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  17. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    My first thought, (actually said out loud), was “Oh hell NO!”

    In one of those odd coincidences that I have been having since joining Regretsy, I recently watched, (in jaw-dropped horror), a program entitled “My Monkey Baby’. I guess this reborn monkey baby is for those whose monkey babies have gone off and left them with an empty nest.

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

  18. hamoza
    August 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    I can’t digest ‘her birth certificate’ & all of that hair, together….then again , I just can’t swallow birth certificate /doll -I’m crazy but in a different way thankfully.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  19. whimsicalisthenics
    August 10, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    I think I would buy it if she was clutching a broken Statue of Liberty in her hands.

    Thumb up Thumb down +165

    • cactustravels
      October 12, 2011 at 12:10 pm

      or an Empire State Building…

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  20. curlytopnola
    August 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    first off – job well done! clearly, a lot of time and care went into this creation.
    that said.
    it’s a doll. it doesn’t need a preemie diaper because there is zero chance of defecation. it’s a doll. birth certificate? a you kidding me with this? dolls are made by people. monkeys are made by, well, monkeys, and they rarely register with the state. i’m just sayin –
    it’s
    a
    doll.

    Thumb up Thumb down +68

  21. LeeLooDallas
    August 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    Knittin – I’m a witness to that show. It did exist.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  22. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Leeloo-were you as horrified as I was? It was, quite possibly, one of the cruelest things I have ever witnessed.

    Could we put a knitted face mask on this thing? It’s eyes keep following me where ever I go in the room.

    And you know it’s just waiting for you to fall asleep. Then it will get you.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  23. twatsupcock
    August 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Too bad Michael Jackson is not with us anymore. I’m sure he’d share his bed with this little tyke!

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  24. thecatsmeow
    August 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Is that a young Robin Williams?

    Thumb up Thumb down +68

  25. captaincavegirl
    August 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Sure, it’s cute when it’s a newborn, but wait until it’s a fully-grown adult and it goes wild and scratches your face off.

    Thumb up Thumb down +44

  26. AnnieRexia
    August 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Why do I wanna see it naked?

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

  27. Stretch65
    August 10, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    OOAK? The hair makes me think he is the offspring of the Farmville Brokeback Farmer: http://www.regretsy.com/2010/06/24/babys-armville-nsfw/

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  28. Penny Tencherry
    August 10, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    looks like Ron Jeremy and Eva Longoria had a baby.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

  29. thecatsmeow
    August 10, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    #26 boy am i regretting clicking that link.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  30. mtopia
    August 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Uhmm, this is nothing. Check out this listing. The last picture will make you wish you never owned a computer:
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/51026914/micaiah-reborn-doll-kit-by-emily-jameson?ref=v1_other_2

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  31. Overt Agent
    August 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Well, if you’re going to be crazy and become mommy to a reborn doll anyway, why not go all out.

    Thumb up Thumb down +24

  32. steviesegel
    August 10, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    OK…now that I let out a blood curdling scream and scared have my office to death!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  33. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    August 10, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    OH JESUS NO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.

    AnnieRexia, you want to see it naked because SANE PEOPLE DON’T DRESS FAKE BABY MONKEYS. Or real ones for that matter.

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  34. janncri
    August 10, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Every time I try to stop cussing so much, something like this happens. Having said that, WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL??? And, will any of us ever sleep again?

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  35. banished
    August 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Thumb up Thumb down -7

  36. WhyLikeThis
    August 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    literally the second image that comes up on google images:

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_atCPBmZENRE/SRnX0RuqfTI/AAAAAAAAAAQ/33yTwWOchX8/s1600-R/monkey-baby-02.jpg

    THIS ISN’T EFFING HARD!

    we trying to recreate the missing link here? the aftermath of an orgy on the Planet of the Apes?
    what?
    where are you trying to go with this? I’m dying to know!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  37. BillsBayou
    August 10, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    When I was 7, we vacationed with my uncle in Florida. He was a very large, very hairy man. When he got out of the pool, his back looked EXACTLY like that monkey’s skin.

    *shudder*

    I need a scotch and a pacifier.

    Thumb up Thumb down +53

  38. Wilma Fingerdoo
    August 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    It looks like the spawn of the Jersey Shore cast, complete with the fist pump.

    Thumb up Thumb down +35

  39. BillsBayou
    August 10, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    The monkey looks like it wants to kick my ass.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  40. bondgurl
    August 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Looked at her shop and this item scared the bejeezus out of me: http://www.etsy.com/listing/51099577/le-resin-baby-face-pin-happy-mold

    Becuase there’s nothing I’d rather do with a baby’s face THAN STICK A PIN IN THE BACK AND WEAR IT.

    Oh, with a flower.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  41. BillsBayou
    August 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Wilma, you got it! That’s definitely a Jersey duck face.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  42. hamoza
    August 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    ‘wetted with satin varnish’ sure sure lady-you stole some splooge from the cinnamon bun lady, admit it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  43. eepah
    August 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Sorry to be such a science nerd, but without a tail, this is an ape baby, not a monkey baby. Monkeys have tails; apes do not.

    Thumb up Thumb down +72

  44. MAG
    August 10, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Looks like the Wife’s side of the family.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  45. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    And people say I’m weird for having a picture of my cat wearing a scarf.

    (please note, the cat was not harmed whilst wearing the scarf. It was taken as a joke for a friend.)

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  46. baloneerindzjr
    August 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    YOU “carefully blushed Kiki’s skin in every LITTLE FOLD AND CREASE” ? Maybe that just happened naturally.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  47. jinglebat
    August 10, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Yes, it is the stuff of nightmares, but I have to admit this person is a really good sculptor. Perhaps she should just take her talents and go work making FX in horror movies* instead of terrorizing those reborn baby people. god knows they have enough problems without having to deal with the demon baby.

    * I mean that in the nicest way possible, I would love to make horror movies for a living.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  48. HelenaHandbasket
    August 10, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    Its name should be Link, and it should be missing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +71

  49. WhyLikeThis
    August 10, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    @ #42 eepah:
    yes, okay, you are 100% right.
    but if you really want to get technical it’s actually a horrific hell-beast from the deepest bowels of the pit, the result of no less than three unnatural acts, and a creature that ought to be destroyed before it’s mere existence obliterates any trace of what is good and sacred in the world

    …that is if you want to get technical

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  50. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 10, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    I have to say though, if the crazies are buying and using these creepy (NOT in a good way) dolls, at least they’re not subjecting some poor Toy Breed dog to torture.

    So, whenever I see a creepy-not-in-a-good-way doll, I’ll remind myself that somewhere, a small dog is able to lick his balls in peace and not while wearing a pink tutu and a bow on his head.

    Thumb up Thumb down +80

  51. TooManyCookbooks
    August 10, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Well, no worries that I’ll be running short on nightmares any time soon.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  52. Stretch65
    August 10, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Yeah – “welcome baby Kiki” TO MY NIGHTMARES!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  53. herzeleid
    August 10, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    KILL IT WITH FIRE!

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  54. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Right about now I’m wishing I had a gallon of holy water and a green yoni rosary.

    This thing makes the Sumatran Rat Monkey look positively adorable.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  55. Patty got abducted by a Steampunk Alien
    August 10, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    #53 knittin-kitten: Nice reference! I love that flick!

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  56. tejasmom
    August 10, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    Helen, you’re killing me! I don’t think I can take any more of these reborn things, monkey, ape or human. They’re just too oogie. P.S. I saw My Monkey Baby, too, and it was vile.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  57. ShuffleCara
    August 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    When your dead baby nursery is all full, you can further satisfy your bizarre obsession by starting a dead monkey baby nursery! Guest room my ass!

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  58. Skully
    August 10, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Looks like a shaved Bieber to me:

    Thumb up Thumb down +52

  59. jojo
    August 10, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Don’t monkeys have lips? Those lips look like my grandma’s.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  60. spiritwunion
    August 10, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    The thing is, I can see that this is a really well done version of oh-god-what-is-it. This leads me to think of all the time and care the artist put into it. Which leads me to think back further to all the *practice* she must have put in on inferior preemie apes before reaching this level of mastery.

    Which leads me to this tasty bottle of tequila.

    Thumb up Thumb down +28

  61. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    August 10, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    whimsicalisthenics, POUR VOUS:

    Thumb up Thumb down +61

  62. leftfoot
    August 10, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    you know.. it takes a lot of talent and skill to make something this creepy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  63. razberries
    August 10, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    whoah…not much left to say here. i was guffawing though at the commentary this evening, so thanks for that!
    how do you know when you have hit “regretsy gold”? when helen can post just the listing all by itself and everything just falls into place on its own…

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  64. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Thanks Patty! Though I think this will take a lot more than two spunky New Zealanders to rid the world of this horror. You’d need at least a dozen Jesuits to take this on.

    Beiber/ monkey baby and Liberty rattle are awe inspiring. Good show Sir and Madam!

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  65. IscreamUscream
    August 10, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    @Skully.
    Aaaaaaahhh!!! :lol:

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  66. phesty
    August 10, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Like many Regretsy finds, I’m elated to discover it is “one of a kind.” No platoons of creepy monkey babies, just one….there’s only one….and it’s very far away from me….no where near where I live….right?

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  67. whimsicalisthenics
    August 10, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    Thanks, VEDD. I wish all of my desires were fulfilled that quickly and well.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  68. HomeAlone
    August 10, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    I honestly thought this was the next generation of “re-borns.” I watched part of something on TV the other night about emotionally stunted types who keep monkeys as pets like they’re babies. They should be buying this one instead of dooming a wild, intelligent primate to life in a diaper in their Florida condo.

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  69. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    @Homealone-that’s the program I was talking about! Do not, do not, under any circumstances watch it all the way through, it’s too sad. You’re right. those emotionally stunted people need one of these. It would save those poor monkeys from a horrible life.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  70. inmediasres
    August 10, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Whilst reading the description, I could only think OMG YOU BAKED A MONKEY BABY? Or ape baby, whatev.

    Before I was around my grandparents had (I believe it was) a Capuchin monkey… disagreeable SOB and you know why? BECAUSE MONKEYS AREN’T OUR BABIES.

    I’d actually forgotten that fact (about the pet, not that we don’t have monkey babies). Somehow I don’t think my Oma and Opa dressed the damn thing in a onesie.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  71. Plexy
    August 10, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    My 9 year old son says, “When I saw that monkey doll, I wasn’t sure if somebody made that because they had serious problems or if somebody made that to express Lady Gaga’s singing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  72. mnemonides
    August 10, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    #43 Eepah–While it is true that no apes have tails, it is not true that all monkeys have tails. And I wouldn’t put it past a rebirther to decide a monkey’s tail was just too much trouble to diaper and dock it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

  73. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    I just realized this damn thing is $425! WTF?! That’s a whole lot of money for a whole lot of ugly.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  74. BoogersPrncs
    August 10, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    The scariest part of this, besides my first reaction, is my first thought of ‘I wonder how long she had to collect pubes to cover this thing…on second thought, I hope they’re clean.’

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  75. bitzidee
    August 10, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Charleton Heston mates with Cheetah, result, KIKI

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  76. eri059
    August 10, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    This is not new to me, because I watched this TLC special:

    http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/2009/10/tlc-keeps-it-highbrow-my-baby-monkey

    … the sad part is, it’s all true

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  77. knittin-kitten
    August 10, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    @erl059-Two networks have picked up on this? The one I watched was on the BBC. Great Jumpin Jehosephat! The insanity has gone international!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  78. suburbanwretch
    August 10, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    I just don’t get it. The Carter Onesie, the toes, the mohair fur, a “real preemie diaper” and care instructions? Whoa. I predict this creature will soon make an appearance on an episode of Law and Order, and there will be psychosis, medication, screaming, crying and loads of family dysfunction involved. Anyone who pays $425 for this really belongs on some type of surveillance list.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  79. Vile & Evil Debbie Downer
    August 10, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    I’m going to buy this and officially change her name to ‘Bright Eyes’. HOW DOES IT FEEL, MONKEY-GIRL?

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  80. hamoza
    August 10, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Check out this description from her shop:
    ‘Lati White Puki Puki Pocket fairy BJD Teddy Bear Bag Carrier’
    Say What?
    ‘To carry my tinies.’
    Her tinies are not teddy bears, but more creepy little doll-ettes.

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  81. lucyv
    August 10, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    Holy mother of god jesus lord almighty.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  82. Monster
    August 11, 2010 at 1:53 am

    So, I just gave birth to my second daughter on Aug. 2nd, and I have a one year old already. I must say. Babies, even premies, are not this ugly. Holy crap. I have pictures of me as a baby in a little incubator thing, all connected to wires and I looked better than this.
    Also, I know babies are cute, and adorable, and sweet. But I would never want something that was at that age for it’s entire life. I can honestly say I don’t see the appeal of owning a monkey.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  83. suebe
    August 11, 2010 at 5:46 am

    It looks like its related to this poor thing.
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/51100857/reborn-doll-newborn-realistic-baby-girl

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  84. Erin
    August 11, 2010 at 6:04 am

    It’s like that baby monkey is suffering from mange. the patchy hair just skeeves me out.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  85. rarespec
    August 11, 2010 at 6:18 am

    The “Planet of the Apes” series totally ruined me as a kid. Especially the one where they shoot everyone and a baby monkey gets thrown in the water. This stuff is sooooooooo sick. Somwhere, someone is cooing and ooohing over their fake, onesie-wearing monkey baby. Thanks, now I’ll NEVER SLEEP AGAIN….

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  86. xspeddler
    August 11, 2010 at 6:35 am

    Two minutes and seventeen sections of jaw-dropping monkey-ness. (Ever seen someone put make-up on a monkey? This is from “My Monkey Baby.” Un-be-lievable.)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH1jhhpQ_bo

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  87. cecikierk
    August 11, 2010 at 7:00 am

    BTW does anyone else see the Curious George face?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  88. rubypony
    August 11, 2010 at 8:13 am

    So when do you think she’ll carve the companion friend: adult lady whose face Kiki ripped off due to uncontrollable primal rage. She would be the Grubby to Kiki’s Teddy Ruxpin.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  89. SinisterTwist
    August 11, 2010 at 10:26 am

    HFS- didn’t Stephen King write a story about a creepy monkey toys? This thing just put that cymbal monkey to shame!

    But to really appreciate it, you have to view it in a room:

    http://i770.photobucket.com/albums/xx350/SecretReader/viewinroom.jpg

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  90. worldfamousfudgy
    August 11, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Oh! Russell from Big Brother 11 had a baby?

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  91. Pardonaymwah
    August 11, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Those eyes… Kiki looks like she’s taken too many caffeine shots.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  92. cobusd25
    August 11, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    High quality dark brown mohair. Yuh, like the stuff growing on Uncle Spud. He’s got a blush in every crease too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  93. CyntheticStyles
    August 11, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    as long as she was going to spend months on it… why not just f%@* a monkey and wait? Probably could have sold it for more $ to Ripley’s!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  94. ciaohowdy
    August 11, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO>vomitwheeze<

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  95. natcatratbat
    August 12, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    I can handle a lot. I can’t handle this. I know it’s been asked, but what is wrong with people? Shiver.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  96. Dani
    August 15, 2010 at 3:27 am

    When I saw this as I was scrolling down the page, I gasped. And as I gasped, my mouth somehow opened wide enough so that my lip actually tore. Now I’m bleeding. This stupid monkey-baby caused me physical harm. I want to set fire to it as revenge.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  97. Gosh
    August 22, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    They let RUSSELL BRAND breed?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  98. brownbabe
    August 28, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    is it me or does the monkey look SURPRISED?!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  99. hanar
    September 1, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Wow that is an unfortunate looking baby.

    Love this part: “I baked her clay parts”

    ooh hope she didn’t mind.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  100. lillianna_13
    October 15, 2010 at 7:13 am

    I just keep thinking planet of the apes/dead alive. I don’t know why dead alive pops in there but it does. I read that post about the monkey babies and it made me want to cry, why would people remove a monkey from it’s mommy and then rip it’s teeth out because it acts like a wild animal? This doll is just creepy and I truly feel sorry for anyone who would want something like this.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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